Lacey worries about how relationship with God stands. Other than that she’s not too worried. But that being said, she suspects that the Illuminati is wondering today about what happened. They are slowly waking up to the reality that she is no longer attracted to Mr. Blue according to them, possibly at all. And that’s very hard for some of them to understand. When people make mistakes, they either are innocent, or if they’re truly struggling with accepting responsibility for some reason, they pretend to be innocent. In this case the Illuminati is pretending to be innocent, possibly to themselves as well.
“Why did you choose to attack us?” a living Kennedy asks?
I don’t think I did. I think that’s just sort of what happened. And by what happened I mean that Lem was seemingly straight if I’m talking to his ghost and Jack, seemingly it was more gay than straight. Other than that, what else has really come out from anything that I’ve shared? Most of what I have said is just stuff that people used to say about your family when they actually knew what historically happened. that you weren’t really considered old money that you maybe weren’t as wealthy as the Rockefellers or the Rothschilds…or maybe even the Gettys. I thought the house on Cape Cod was grand, but not like The Breakers. But part of it made the breaker so grand was where it was located, and the artistic beauty of the place itself. Kind of like a cathedral. A lot of artistic expression has been lost in our architecture in the last 60 years. But it was in a sudden event the art deco movement is really lovely and I’m sure you could argue that there were homes built in the 1920’s that were quite grand. But it wasn’t like what was built in the 1800’s or before it just it wasn’t and there are a lot of beautiful homes but they’re not they’re not as pretty as they used to be and the house on Cape Cod was very beautiful but it isn’t like The Breakers.
“You purposefully used bad grammar and when you were in high school, you turned in stuff late. At the time it might’ve just seem like it was happening or did it?” asks a high school English teacher.
“No, I’m not quite that stupid, I’m sorry. I couldn’t figure out why I was doing that to myself at the time. It was like I just I couldn’t force myself to do my homework. I just I couldn’t make myself do it. And I knew that I should and I knew that it was harmful, but in truth, I think before I had my kids that I was possibly secretly trying to find some hidden exit out of life. When I was in that particular English teacher’s class I was very suicidal, but not in a way that people would really have noticed unless if they were umm…I’m sorry if this is insulting to that teacher, unless if they were very perceptive people and there wasn’t anyone around like that.
I actually would say that I’m fairly clear, even though I don’t use absolutely correct grammar. I would even argue that I am more clear than most people. My natural God-given IQ is probably fairly high. I probably have an IQ that would’ve been 130s when I was about 19 I don’t know what it is anymore. They seemly have changed those numbers? … I don’t keep up but when I was in college I would’ve been considered a genius verbally, linguistically, and that was always who I was and still is who I am. I’m not someone who doesn’t understand what they’re doing. I just choose not to pay attention to certain rules because I think some things are evil at this point. I don’t want to destroy the English language, but I think a lot of people are far too focused and have been far too focused for decades on making pretty sentences and saying things in the bourgeois-correct way instead of actually thinking about what they’re saying or about the meaning of life itself.” says Lacey.
“I found you very threatening and I didn’t like you.” says that English teacher.
“Right, are you a pedophile freak?” asks Lacey.
“So you would’ve just thought I was a bitch you probably thought I was a bitch cause I was a bitch to you. But you no longer think I’m an arrogant bitch. You think I was probably also a pervert?” asks that teacher.
“A lot of people like you are who teach kids don’t understand that they’re not a teenager anymore and you think that you can fit in and be cool with the cool kids. You don’t realize that they’re not cognitively on your level, that their brains that their minds are very different than an adult. And so you think that you’re talking to an equal because you’re insane. But in reality you’re supposed to be not patronizing underage people threaten you, but you’re supposed to be helping them because that’s what a teacher is supposed to be: an adult who is being genuinely helpful. At least until college when kids are in college, it actually makes sense for some teachers to develop crushes on them. They could even be some small exceptions of teachers developing crushes on students who are 17, 16, 18 years old. But I think that’s much more unlikely.
In the past they knew all that. They knew that there could be rare exceptions in that case and that kids who are in their 20’s were basically adults…basically. That’s why there are some age of consent laws where if you’re 16 you can consent to be married.
But no, at this point, I’d wonder if you were some sort of pedophile and if not that would be great, but no this point that’s what I’d wonder. Because I knew that you probably didn’t like me and you know it was weird you were a teacher, you weren’t supposed to be in some sort of popularity contest. …Because you didn’t like me because you weren’t supposed to like me because the cool girls didn’t like me and so that was the rule because you were trying to be a cool girl, right?” says Lacey.
“Why didn’t they cool girls like you?” asks the pencil skirt wearing perfume hater.
“You know what I think back to a lot of the teachers that I had I wonder how many of them are secretly pedophiles. When I was in the fifth grade, I had a teacher who told me I should be an actress in private, and it was a little sketchy to say the least. And I had another teacher give me a book of love poems with a painting by Klimt on the inside cover. At the time I thought oh this teacher is just trying to express a love for art… but I kind of doubt it at this point not completely because they may have just been unaware of how weird that was, but I have a feeling there’s a pretty good chance that that teacher was a pedophile, and truly was trying to somehow express themselves. Thank God nothing happened that was really over the line other than those things, that I was aware of. But I have to think that there were a lot of teachers back then who are pedophiles in the public school system that was in the 90’s and 2000’s and they were going around the job groping students thank God but I have a feeling that at that point, a lot of them went into teaching for very psychologically disturbing reasons. I mean Epstein started out as a teacher. I don’t think that’s an exception. …Obviously this is a concern that I have with children. But I’ve gotten pretty good at reading people and I plan to meet every teacher that my kids have.
Actually, I think it’s likely part of the reason why we had school shooters in my generation. I think those kids broke having Boomers as guides and also having fellow students who be so mean and vicious. I mean that sort of eas the ideal that was put forth by the Boomers. The ideal was to be cutthroat and atheistic. You were supposed to be sassy and complex and hostile and catty and suspicious of people, not loving and polite and trusting. Because that sort of sweetness and innocence in a child, was so bourgeois according to them. And the new way to be post to be cold in Shruvdl Holton suspicious ‘smart.’ Who is supposed to go around being nice to people that went out of style in the 60’s and 70’s! Being two-faced was so much smarter than assuming that people were kind and would like you of you were nice, that was the 1950’s that was hillbilly nonsense according to the post-Christian cool kid, Boomers. And I think that sort of idealization of lost innocence combined with teachers who were often perverted, may have been why the school shooters lost their minds if they weren’t just pure evil. I’d I don’t know if they were trying to kill people who were good and innocent partially because they were trying to bring those people into the afterlife with themselves or if they were psychotic in some way. Or both. I’m not even sure that they weren’t aggravated by the Illuminati who was trying to use the kids who were killed as some sort of sacrifice to Satan. Was that because they were trying to somehow spiritually justify not having a draft? Like, ‘Umm…let’s sacrifice some of the kids who are in the upper middle class to Baal and so that we can avoid having a draft of upper middle class kids in the next war.’ they may have said.” says Lacey.
“So you didn’t even really want to talk about the Kennedys and you still probably don’t really want to but you do in self-defense?” asks a Kennedy?
“Yes!” says Lacey.
“Your neighbors just put in an above ground pool. Let’s discuss!” says an actress.
“So they’ve lied about that haven’t they? Umm…they didn’t want us to know that those kids literally just went insane like employees when they’re fired. I mean they wanted us to think that those kids were really super unique psychologically and not just that the American school system was failing all American kids and some kids were genuinely losing their minds?” says a conspiracy theorist.
“There is the scene in Cruel Intentions at the very beginning where Sebastian gets into a conversation with his therapist, and she’s really just an absolute scumbag. I wouldn’t have known she was a scumbag because I would have played by the rules whether I knew it or not and she would’ve probably been very loving to me. As far as I could have been able to know at the time. But I think that’s the way that a lot of my generation saw adults, not just therapists were scumbags. I think a lot of them thought that those adults were obnoxious. And I don’t think that that isn’t significant when you’re analyzing how was school shooters became.” says Lacey. “ I think Sebastian is in the proximity psychologically of some of those school shooters. He isn’t a school shooter and neither is Kathryn but they’re not like drastically far removed psychologically from the school shooters. They’re in that ballpark, in my opinion.”
“You know that’s actually a very loving and human way of looking at the school shooters. But 80% of the people reading this will think that that’s a homophobic, ultraconservative, backward way of seeing things. Who are under the age of 50-something. Because you put it in a linguistic style that seems conservative first of all. And second of all, it’s not something that we want to hear about ourselves, and we don’t want to think that someone like you has insight because that’s too egotistically threatening.” says a Millennial.
“So your neighbors got above ground pool! Let’s discuss!” says an actress.
“I think the Boomers also didn’t want to recognize that they were psychologically and emotionally bankrupt and that they had essentially destroyed the country and I think the school shooters just being kids who had gone into psychosis and detached from reality was too much of like…a wake up call.” says a Millennial. “I’m not saying people who are in psychosis are violent, that’s probably not the case. But I think if you if you take the right set of emotional, psychological elements and combine them into one person’s experience, you could create a school shooter. Like Sebastian and Kathryn didn’t resort to killing their peers because they found other ways to torture them that were equally effective, if not more so. But if you had taken that social power away from them, and made them progressively more secretly hostile towards their peers over time I wonder if they would’ve eventually resorted to violence, and if they wouldn’t have, why not? Is it because they were maybe psychologically more well? You know maybe they could somehow, their brains could somehow flip a switch, and then they would just sort of destroy themselves instead of going homicidal. But if that switch wasn’t there and their brains could be homicidal I actually see what Lacey saying. I think that they could’ve been in the same trajectory emotionally as a school shooter.”
“So basically, there is something really off about the way the Boomers saw themselves and they tend to vilify their parent’s conformity, but they themselves had their own brand of conformity that was just as toxic as their parents.” says a Millennial.
“Every generation has its own brand of conformity, and they never usually see it.” says Harold. “S lot of the renegade, rebellious types in the Boomers are actually just conformists. A lot of the atheist materialists in that generation are also just conformists. And those two groups are actually very similar because they’re both conforming to their generation’s ideal.”
“No, and they pride themselves on ‘not conforming’ but they’re not conforming to a previous generation’s ideal not their own generation’s ideal.” says Lacey. “But in their own generation they’re not anti-conformist, they are conformist police essentially.”
“Shit, because she’s right!” says a Boomer.
“So your neighbors got an above ground pool, let’s discuss!” says the actress.
“It’s not something that’s easy to discuss without sounding offensive.” says Lem.
“Why?” asks Wobbly.
“That’s not easy to say because if I say it, it sounds awful.” says Michael.
“I think what you’re missing is that Lacey really is genteel. And she loves the fact that they got a pool in a way. But her views on such things belong to her class and she can’t stop seeing them that way.“ says Lem.
“So…how does she see an above ground pool?” asks the actress, laughing.
Lem laughs. “How do you see it?”
“It’s kind of…backward. …But…fun. If you can’t afford a real pool.” says the actress.
“Yeah. I had friends with real pools in their backyard and they weren’t even that rich.” says Lacey. “Now…I don’t want a pool and there’s something a little bourgeois about a huge pool and a middle-class house’s backyard. That being said these houses surrounding mine are nice enough that a pool actually would be very elegant if it was placed appropriately. And so for that reason, among others, I wasn’t put-off by the fact that they bought one because I assumed that it was just for the fun of it. But last night I had the sense that some people were perceiving it as somewhat glamorous in the neighborhood. And it’s not glamorous at all.” says Lacey. “It’s something that you do just for the fun of it. It’s not something that is like a brag.”
“ yeah, I think because your house is worth less than there’s their perception of things is a little skewed.” says a woman.
“Yeah, it might be it might not be, but it might be.” says Lem. “I don’t think she’s felt that way, but they might and it’s obnoxious if it’s true. Because in reality if Lacey had had her druthers, they could have afforded a house worth about $100,000 more than the houses next to her just based on what her husband makes and they’ve had available to them.”
“Why didn’t you then?!” asks a woman.
“Why didn’t she what?!” asks Lem.
“Why didn’t she buy a house worth $700,000?” asks a hater.
“Do you really wanna know why because it’s a horrible story. So do you really wanna know why?” asks Lem. “And by the way, she thought she heard that you said you had relatives coming from Seattle if you are her neighbor reading this blog. Don’t try to impress Lacey and Mark with that. Lacey‘s family has an Electoral College vote in Washington state. And the family that she mentioned to you who do dogsledding are world famous explorers, they are very very big deal.”
“Does her family go skiing?” asks a man.
“Yes! Banff. Breckinridge. Lacey is actually a pretty decent skier, although she’s hesitant for good reason.” says Lem.
“Why didn’t they? Why didn’t they just buy a home in the nicer area of St. Paul for $700,000 what happened?” asks a woman.
“First of all, that’s not that much and they maybe will buy a nicer house or a second house. No, we’ll see. We’ll see if she survives, even.” says Lem. “But second of all Mark is very shrewd and very smart, but he can be very disrespectful to Lacey. And so when she wants to spend money in a particular way, he tends to balk at it. There were at least two occasions when Lacey if she had been listened to financially would have directed them down a path that would’ve allowed them to be in a at least $600,000 to $700,000 home right now but that was not what he chose to do. And he’s rarely ever wrong and her math ability is supposedly not very good and I say that in a sarcastic voice. So she just acquiesced respectfully. But that’s that’s what happened.”
“Would she ever have had that problem with you?” asks a Boomer.
“No, no I think like Lacey does but I am even more conservative than her when I’m being myself.” says Lem.
“So both of you would’ve probably invested in some very shrewd, but seemingly conservative way that seems old fuddy-duddy and probably unnecessary to Mark?” asks a woman.
“Yes, yes, very much so.” says Lem. “And if I’m talking to Pamela Anderson yes if I had been Millennial I would’ve found you attractive I would’ve gotten over you if I had met Lacey, but no, believe it or not she would’ve been my type.”
“Wait, Pamela Anderson would’ve been a crash like a real crash when you were a teenager?!” asks a Millennial of Lem.
“Yes, I would’ve found her attractive I would’ve had one of her posters on my wall. Lacey already knew that. Actually Lacey looks like her slightly, but I mean they’re different women, but they actually look slightly similar believe it or not. Lacey just never had implants and Pamela Anderson did. But I do prefer Lacey and obviously that’s not meant to be an insult to anyone. It’s just that they’re not her.” says Lem.
A few men laugh.
“So you really were trying to be honorable and you actually really do prefer Lacey but if you were straight…you were like…you were actually straight?” asks an actress.
“Yes and Lacey can tell that, and not all women probably could because not all women have anything in the way of resemblance to Pamela Anderson, dead or alive. No, I like a very feminine looking woman.” says Lem.
“Did those boys find Rachel Ward attractive because of your influence on them and their sexuality as a male parental figure on a subconscious level?” asks a Boomer.
“You really did find Marilyn Monroe somewhat attractive didn’t you? And it is is creepy that she ended-up dead.” says a queer woman to Lem. “If this is actually Lem’s ghost, and he was really straight, I find it so hard to believe that Jack didn’t kill Marilyn partially out of some profound jealousy towards women like that because he knew that that was who Lem actually found attractive not him.”
“I did, but I actually do like how Lacey is shaped and she isn’t exactly like that. …He may or may not have known I don’t know it’s possible that what you’re saying could be true I’m not really telling Lacey one way or the other. She knows that I found Marilyn somewhat attractive, and that’s all it ever was, but she also knows that there’s a lot that I haven’t told her that isn’t problematic, but it’s just…it’s not wise for her to know right now or I can’t tell her or it’s just too shocking, and her brain has a hard time believing that I’m telling her when I have tried to tell her.” says Lem. “And that’s reasonable, that’s actually very sane.”
“No it actually makes complete sense if you’re straight that you would’ve found Pamela Anderson attractive, would you been in band would’ve been a band geek?” asks a Gen. X guy.
“Yes or I would’ve played a stringed instrument and people would’ve known that I was straight, even if I thought I was gay.” says Lem.
“Which instrument?!” asks a straight male violinist.
“Probably violins I probably would’ve been a second second violin. Or possibly cello. Or possibly bass if I played bass because I am tall and I have a feeling that I would of I would’ve ended up dating Lacey because the other bass players would’ve coaxed it out of me that I had a crush on her, especially if I stared at her most of the time in the viola section.” says Lem.
And then it becomes creepy that Lacey’s conductor in orchestra in high school bore a striking resemblance to a young JFK. And that one of the young man who fell in love with her, was a violinist named Joseph Patrick. There’s something very creepy about that. Thankfully it’s also comical but it’s creepy as well.
“That’s true we are dead. And it’s possible that some people including myself haven’t taken Lacey‘s life seriously enough because it’s like a joke to us at this point. We think, ‘Oh whatever it’ll be 80 years and then this and this is the part that matters not all that awful living stuff.’” says Joe Kennedy Jr.. “Well…we’re not quite that stupid but it’s possible that we haven’t been good about respecting God in that way.”
“So to Lacey an above ground pool is nice it’s fun but it’s just not something to brag about?” asks a woman.
“Yeah, no I mean it makes her feel very uncomfortable. And I hope her neighbors know how to properly maintain a pool. Like the chemicals that they need to put in at the levels that they have to get. Because if you don’t keep track of it Lacey‘s kids probably aren’t going to be swimming in that pool.” says Lem.
“So…you don’t want to talk about it?” asks a woman.
“Yeah.” says Lacey.
“No, we’re going to.” she says. “What are you afraid to share?”
Lacey laughs. Lem laughs. The actress laughs.
“I wish people had more of a sense of humor about themselves.” says Lacey. “It’s something that is quite funny.”
“What is it?” asks the woman.
“It’s just that last night there were people standing around talking, possibly drinking cocktails in their yard near the above ground pool. And it was lovely out and the sound of water coming through the four hoses that were filling up the pool was pretty, it sounded like a fountain. …But I had the sense that these people thought that they were like hanging out near an actual pool. That it was like the vibe, the aesthetic of like an actual in-ground, elegant pool. That it was something to be sort of proud of. And that’s insane that’s delusional it’s $1000 pool. A real pool would cost like $35,000 or $25,000 and it would be a very different experience. And the sound that they were hearing in the background that sounded so pretty that I have a feeling they were reacting to on a subconscious level was the sound of garden hoses spraying water into the above ground pool, not water fountains. And it you know what it’s cool it’s fun I’m not trying to be judgmental and if I am I’m sorry. It’s just it’s not the same thing as an in-ground pool and I’m not sure if these people realized that because I felt like they had a vibe of like the posh bourgeois people that I grew-up with. When those people would brag about trips to Africa, or they’d drive-up in their new Mercedes to pick up their kids from school, or they’d talk about summering in the Hamptons, or going to Vail for Christmas. They seemed to be in that mood. That was their/that was their vibe, and I thought it was absolutely hilarious and I didn’t want to judge. I’m not trying to be a jerk, but it seemed funny to me.” says Lacey.
“Well what if to them that seemed like a big deal?!?” asks a perfume hater.
“Then that’s embarrassing. I hope that I was misreading the situation. I mean I didn’t feel welcome. I did feel like they were looking down on me somehow but that’s not why it’s funny to me. …I would find it funny, regardless of how they were receiving me in relation to them. Because it’s just so ironic and so unintentionally funny. It’s like people who are just being so cocky and proud of themselves when it’s just an above ground pool and there are garden hoses filling it in the background. It just cracks me up, I’m sorry it’s funny, I’m sorry it’s funny.” says Lacey.
“Actually, it is funny I agree with you.” says an Englishman.
“Do you ever wonder when you will be like that and then you never are and it bothers you?” asks an Englishwoman.
“Yes and I doubt that it would be about something like that because that’s sort of a class awareness issue that I don’t see myself likely ever having, at least not in that way. But I think everyone can be unaware in some silly way and I can’t figure out like where my moment is. I wonder if it requires being loved though to make a mistake like that?” says Lacey.
“Yeah, because you have to have a certain assurance in yourself that you can really only get if you’ve been loved. And then at times you go too far out on a limb, and make a fool of yourself, because you trust maybe too much in your own abilities to understand. Whereas if you aren’t loved, you’re never really given that sense that you just know things and you know that you know things, but it requires a lot of effort to constantly be keeping yourself in check because people don’t take you seriously, they don’t take your feelings seriously and so then you never accidentally go too far if you’re smart because you’re barely ever allowed to be right in the first place, even when you are almost always, if one’s like you.” says an Englishman. He smiles. “I wonder if you subconsciously know that they’re making those mistakes because they’ve been loved by someone at some point and that’s part of why it’s so funny to you because it’s just the human condition.” He laughs.
Lacey laughs.
“No, I mean maybe this isn’t it but if it is yes, that makes sense because we are so inherently capable of making very silly mistakes at very silly moments.” says Lacey.
“Did the male professors at Messiah College hate you?” asks a woman of Lacey.
“Yes, oh violently so psychologically speaking, they were hideous human beings to me, absolute vile, disgusting scoundrels for the most part. They didn’t molest me or rape me or try to kill me, but generally they were hideous.” says Lacey. “There were a few exceptions in the language departments. There were two male foreign language professors who were nice, one of them was actually very nice, but they were the exception.”
“So you really aren’t attracted to women at all and if you had had implants you could’ve looked like Pamela Anderson if you tweezed your eyebrows more and wore different make-up probably did something fake to your hair. No, that makes sense. And of course you don’t do those things because you were raised in the upper class. But you could if you chose look like that. I don’t think a lot of those professors could handle that reality. I bet there were plenty of female students who secretly knew that… Probably because they know what makeup can do to people from experience. I don’t think men realize what a difference, tweezing your eyebrows and bleaching your hair and having one plastic surgery could do. Women do. And it’s sad because I think there were plenty of straight young men who probably didn’t pay you much notice because to them you just seemed plain even though you’re naturally extraordinarily beautiful, you’re right. …That being said, there were older men that probably knew as well because you figure those things out as you get older as a man. And it actually is unusual to be so sexy by nature, and yet chose to be chaste and ladylike in the Millennial generation.” This man laughs. “I don’t think that the Mennonite, Amish aesthetic at Messiah College worked out very well for you. There’s sort of a shame about sexuality in that school, and I think they thought that you were somehow suspicious just because you exist and I think that’s what Casi thinks too coming from her fundamentalist background. And I would love to know what kind of background the Bat Crew comes from because I have a sneaking suspicion that there are lower class authoritarian, religious mindsets in all of them.”
“but love you like her smaller breasts, right?” asks an actress.
“Yes! No, I don’t want her to change. I like the way she is.” says Lem. “She’s actually very well proportioned and built.”
“So you don’t think it’s funny to be getting an above ground pool but you think it’s just ridiculous to treat it like it’s an in-ground pool?” asks a man.
“Yes, that’s correct!” says Lem.
More later.
Keen to Cross the Pond 