“You’ll die eventually.” says Lem.
“Don’t worry you really will.” says Michael.
And Lacey finds it hilarious. For some reason it sounds impossible right now. But…she knows it’s not.
“I wonder sometimes if men realize what they’re doing to you, or if they’re just that evil?” asks Michael.
“What do you mean?” asks Lacey.
“They don’t understand you. Not anymore. They keep waiting for you to be…relatable. Not alluring or smart or difficult or…even kind. They just keep thinking you’ll be the way they think you are if they keep going. Almost like hitting a television repeatedly to fix it. …Except you’re a touch screen, so to speak, and they’ve basically destroyed you at this point. Given you so many wrong messages and cruel messages and unclear messages that nothing will ever make sense again unless God intervenes.” Michael says.
Lem laughs.
“I think it’s far worse than that.” he says.
“Well, what do you think it’s like then?” asks Michael of Lem.
“She’s more like an electric car. …And the men of today want to treat her like a Model T.” he responds.
They all think. Some laugh.
“She never goes anywhere and they think it’s because she’s ‘too slow’ or ‘just for show’.” Lem continues. “They have no conception of how to drive her. …To be close to sounding crass.”
“That sounds so right.” says Lacey. “But why are the usual women of today the Model T?”
“Because they don’t- They aren’t as naturally drawn to being what you are.” Lem says. “They tend to be more orientated to work outside the home. And focus less on the arts and detailed understandings of culture. They’re more…raw and straightforward.” He thinks for a second before going on. “I find them cute. But like you’d find a little girl cute. …I couldn’t relate to one of them.”
Silence.
“How do you find them to be in the male gender?” asks Michael.
“Most men today?” she asks.
“Your children do fit in perfectly, by the way. They’re your kids but you chose a great father for them.” offers Michael.
“I…don’t like that question.” Lacey laughs. “Truthfully, I’m- I don’t want to hurt anyone reading this. But, I find men of the past far, far more attractive. There’s no comparison. …That being said, you’re all dead or too old at this point. …And…it’s just made me very open minded about men alive.”
“You do better among Europeans.” says Lem. “But yes.”
“I just don’t- Many of them are fascinating in their own way. And my ideal is dead. As awful as that sounds. …So…I just try to find good men.” she says. “Because lots of men are attractive…” She thinks. “Lots of different types of men. Some particularly more than others, but lots of types.”
“And what would you have done…if you’d been born far earlier?” asks Louis. He finds it hilarious.
“Well…if you’re real ghosts…and you’re all actually attracted to me…”
Elliott laughs so loudly and through his nose that it’s almost audible. It interrupts Lacey.
“I don’t know. I would have been very selective. …But I’m not sure what my criteria would have been.” she says.
“You’re extremely naturally beautiful. But I think…without money decorating you you seem creepy or like a potential pushover to people today. And yet with money adorning you you’re terrifying to behold, at least in person.” says Michael.
“Why do I read that way?!” asks Lacey.
“Because you have an old look. Very old.” says Michael.
Silence.
“We wouldn’t struggle as much as men. But…we don’t need to look fertile.” says Michael.
“But I’m extremely fertile.” says Lacey.
“Yes! …But their minds don’t automatically read it that way.” says Lem, laughing. “They just can’t quite fathom what they’re looking at. …It’s not that they can’t mate with you. It’s that they just don’t understand.”
“They do find her attractive.” cautions Louis.
“Yes. But not like we do!” says Lem.
“Why doesn’t it translate?” asks Lacey.
“Because they don’t comprehend it.” says Lem. “They’re not blind. But they just don’t see it like we do. Or if they do see it, it’s misunderstood. You’re misunderstood. …And what’s more, they themselves don’t know how to react.”
“How so?” she asks.
“They really do want to manually wind you up. And they don’t realize that you run on electricity.” He laughs.
“But they love their Model T cars.” says Lacey.
“Yes! It’s a pretty car. Very pleasant. Not made for going 100 miles per an hour.” He laughs. “But…where are they going anyway? And how glamorous.”
“They sound terrible.” says Lacey.
“They aren’t. They just will have to wait until Heaven to decide if they’d like to be exactly the same or be different.” says Michael.
“And in the meantime you’ll be alone. And no man will realize that he’s destroying you. Lacey! Destroying you!” says Louis.
“It’d be funny…if they didn’t keep trying to pour water on you to cool down your software.” says Pete.
Elliott laughs.
“They think you’re lose. You’re not. They think you’re what they’d call horny. You’re not. They think you’re plain when they don’t want to actually look at you honestly. …They keep looking for a bigger, louder, very different person to emerge if they just rig it up right. You know, twist this knob or push that button. Maybe jump on it. Push it a little. But then you don’t move…and they think you aren’t any good or you’re…broken or useless. …But then you look so lightweight! And that’s confusing… And maybe once or twice your ex-husband pressed some button just sitting around tinkering with all the doors open and the hood up…and then he held on for dear life as you took off…and inevitably hit a tree. Going 85 miles per an hour. And you both almost got killed.” laughs Elliott.
“He’s a very hearty, brave and brilliant man.” Louis says about her ex-husband.
“He likes his smart car. But he’s never gotten further than around the driveway twice.” says Michael.
“He’s probably afraid he’ll kill himself.” says Lacey.
“Well…he likes driving it though. It’s the coolest ride around the driveway. And…a few times I think he’s maybe made it to the store and back. …Frankly, he’s admirably adventurous.” says Michael.
“He loves the way you cook.” says Louis. “Literally.”
“It’s like eating at a good British pub.” says Michael.
“They’ll all hate me now.” says Lacey.
“You’ll be fine.” smiles Lem. “So will the kids.”
—-
Keen to Cross the Pond 