The Strand Bookstore

I’ve written about it before, but tonight it’s on my mind so I’ll write about it again…

On the last day of the college visit I had to NYC we shopped at the iconic Strand Bookstore. I recall walking further into the depths of the store and almost feeling like I was getting lost in time. Strangely ever since then I’ve experienced a similar sensation whenever I’ve been in old bookstores. Two occasions are most memorable: one of my first dates with my ex-husband when we stopped in an old bookstore and then one other time when we were living in Seattle there was another old bookstore… On each occasion it was incredibly eerie… But nothing compares to the way I felt at The Strand.

I didn’t like it entirely. Matter-of-fact it was extremely jarring in some ways. A bit like when I explored the Shelbourne Hotel’s hidden depths one night with my ex-husband out of curiosity. Years and years ago… It felt…genuinely almost dangerous. Like we could actually accidentally move backwards in time if we weren’t careful. There are other places like that…but none quite like The Strand.

I got scared. It wasn’t that it was haunted necessarily…although I wouldn’t be surprised if it was. It was more like…I actually did step back in time. Just for a few minutes. Maybe less. It was in a far corner of the bookstore and I looked-up from a bookshelf and it felt different… My mind told me somehow that it was the 1930’s or 40’s or so… People seemed oddly absent. I heard creepy music playing. It was like a scene from “The Shining”. So I think I freaked out slightly and started trying to wander quickly back toward the front of the store. Then I finally found a living person in some aisle and calmed down… But after that it was as if the “fourth wall” of time and space had a door ajar or an open window in my mind…and if I really wanted to I could peak through it. Nothing has shocked me the way that book store did… (as silly as that sounds) But strangely, like forced swimming, once I figured it out and kept myself from drowning that day in my own perception of reality I was also fascinated at least on a purely scientific level. What in the world was I experiencing?

Yes, I’m aware that this sounds slightly insane. And yes. It’s creepy. Crazy sounding… But back in 2004 that store was…otherworldly. At least to me…

Was that where I accidentally ran into the ghost who was mad when my visiting class left NYC a day or two later? Maybe. If so, he was probably some sort of ultimate soulmate. Maybe there were two male ghosts wearing glasses and not just one… Maybe I met both of them at the bookstore that day. … I don’t know. I just recall vague details as I put myself back there in my memory…

“I went through so much work trying to organize this! And I don’t know if almost anyone is getting out of it what I had hoped they would.” said the class professor about our visit to New York. I tried to reassure her that some of us had had an amazing time. I’m not sure she was all that comforted… Having only three students who really partook in her tour of NYC as opposed to running off to shop, see the “The Lion King” or gawk at locals out of about 14 students was far from ideal I’m sure. Ha! She had literally joined a church just to be able to be able to rent the apartment in Manhattan designated for church members so we could stay there. It was a delightful place too. It belonged to the Unitarian Universalist Church. But she felt like a fraud and a failure…

Or maybe I “met the ghost” when I met his vague lookalike. He was a living young man then who was the older cousin of my first boyfriend. He was vivid and very intelligent and had graduated from our university through the same honors program both his cousin and I were a part of. He knew our class professor and so we all met for lunch one day as he was living in Manhattan with roommates. Glasses. Tall. Elegant… A successful writer for Comedy Central. He singled me out over Manhattan clam chowder and hit on me with a smirk. But…he must have known his cousin liked me or something of that sort…because he dropped a sly smile, made an innuendo about my looks and then went polite and cold. And it was an odd goodbye…

Maybe the cousin’s vibe…and the fact that he looked somewhat like the image of the man who seemed to emerge later in what I thought was just my imagination was part of the reason why it took me years to wonder if I was actually experiencing a ghost. Or ghosts. Now when I analyze it all it’s a lot less confusing… I’m not sure why. Funny thing, many times after that I wished I’d dated the cousin instead of my first boyfriend.

“If anyone says you aren’t pretty they’re lying.” My first boyfriend told me in the same conversation that he broke up with me in. It was a weird moment to give such a foggy compliment… His cousin had done much better with his concealed suggestion…

…

Oh well. My contusion/concussion is improving…I think. Maybe this post suggests something less positive… *laugh*

…

*sigh*

Be safe. Please take care…

Lovers

I took down a bunch of posts on this blog because I realized I was getting too personal in an attempt to express myself. But, I wanted to say this again. It needs to be said. It’s one of the most vile, obscene, sacrilegious, heretical popular beliefs in late 20th Century/early 21st Century Christianity. So let me be clear: Jesus is not your lover and never will be. The Bride of Christ is a metaphor. It’s not to be taken literally. At all.

If you’re in a bad relationship and feel lonely God may meet that need in the same way He did in the Garden of Eden. He’ll likely find another adult human… He will not offer His Son Jesus…or the Holy Spirit…both part of the Holy Trinity…for you to make love to. It’s narcissistic and perverted to think a half man half God would want to sleep with you as a human being…even in Heaven. OR if making love to a deity is your thing…perhaps genuine Christianity isn’t for you. There’s nothing in the Bible that honestly interpreted suggests we ever have intercourse (which is also spiritual) with Jesus. Ever. Anywhere. Again, the Bride of Christ…was and is…a metaphor. A metaphor. You will never be at your own literal wedding with Jesus in any literal way at all. At all. It’s a metaphor.

Metaphor: a figure of speech in which a word or phrase is applied to an object or action to which it is not literally applicable.

…

If, as a Christian, you feel “moved” while praying or singing songs to worship Jesus and feel as though you’re being genuinely romanced (whether you’d label it that or not)…well…are you sure it’s Jesus “touching your heart intimately”? “Intimacy” in the way the word is most often used isn’t something ever shared between family members even though you could technically call all close relationships intimate (I’ve especially seen some counselors use this technical label, so to speak). But, again, let’s be honest “intimacy” isn’t almost ever not sexual in some way in the most common use of the word…even if it’s accidentally labeled as platonic by those who make “sex” too totally “physical”. I’d never use the word intimacy outside of romance between non-related, consenting adults regardless of how it could technically be meant otherwise. And, I certainly don’t think there is a safe way to use “intimacy” to describe any part of an often horribly misunderstood or perversely defiled metaphor such as the “Bride of Christ” and yet, of course, it’s frequently used by Christians…because “The Bride of Christ” is often taught in a heretical way. …I’m not being clear enough maybe…

The thing is, again, it’s not the Holy Spirit you feel when you worship “passionately” necessarily either… No… God loves you like a child and would use the Holy Spirit to express that…but that’s all. ….Should that “special feeling” you feel while worshipping “Jesus” be real and with another spiritual being…you are more than likely interacting with a demon, the Devil or…well…a ghost? A ghost in Purgatory with a sense of humor who is lonely too and feels bad for the 50 year old single mother of three who works non-stop and barely ever has time for dating? Maybe? Maybe he died and found out that that 50 year old woman was his soulmate from God. Yes, God the Father told him? And maybe he’s allowed to chill with her when she’s “worshipping Jesus” and accidentally going to far in “intimacy” because God knows she means well and it’s just a disgusting teaching that today sounds too plausible for some people to ignore or dismiss. God sees our hearts… God. God the father of Jesus. You can’t lie to Him or with Him. (And no, that’s not what happened with the virgin Mary)

Yeah…Jesus isn’t your lover. He’s your brother and friend. He’s the son of God. But he isn’t your husband just because you’re a part of the Christian church. Even en masse. Yuck. Stop trying to seduce the Son of God with your foreplay “worship songs” or perhaps consider a different religion than Christianity… I mean, I suppose you could worship Dionysus? Yes. Dionysus. He might at least consent to letting you think you’re in an “intimate” relationship with him and not think you’re completely out of your mind for wanting that with him in the first place… Maybe. …But either way a lot of “love songs for/to Jesus” (it’s a very popular Christian worship genre these days – look it up) look like they were actually penned for Dionysus anyway… Look him up if you’re in the mood for a little…ahh…religious ecstasy? Or don’t. Because, for one thing, he might not exist? And for another worshipping Dionysus may not be…safe…even you secretly already were worshipping him anyway?

Anyway…

…

This absolute shit is why I don’t go to some “churches” in case you’ve ever wondered dear reader…

Deep In Love With You

By Michael W. Smith

“Sitting at Your feet is where I want to be
I’m home when I am here with You
Ruined by Your grace, enamored by Your gaze
I can’t resist the tenderness in You I’m deep in love with You, Abba Father
I’m deep in love with You, Lord
My heart, it beats for You, precious Jesus
I’m deep in love with You Lord Humbled and amazed that You would call my name
I never have to search again
There’s a deep desire that’s burning like a fire
To know You as my closest friend , Lord my redeemer, Your blood runs through my veins
My love for You is deeper than it was yesterday
I enter through the curtain, parted by Your grace
Oh, Your the lover of my soul”

Reminds me of this attempt at worship of Dionysus taken from “Ways of Worship: Dionysus | Futurism – Vocal from vocal.media …Actually though, this is profoundly less perverse…


“Prayer

Dionysos, God whose arrival is swift

and certain, enduring friend of women and men

whose welcome is warm, bringer of light, we see you

in shadows. Dionysos, granter of great blessings,

your presence is a heady wine. Kind-hearted god,

to each you give as is fitting, each vessel you fill

only as we can bear, and yet with even a sip

we are drunk upon you, and our faith is affirmed.

Awesome god, by our own will we drink deeply,

with you we become lost, we wander, we are found.

Invocation

I call to Dionysos, 

great god of the vine, 

son of thundering Zeus and headstrong Semele, 

loving husband of warm-hearted Ariadne.

From the East you came, 

old before the ancients, 

throughout the elder world were you beloved; 

in Naxos and Boitia were you celebrated, 

in temples and in the savage wilderness, 

the fleet-footed maenads running in your wake.

The sweetest, strongest wine is ever your drink; 

the mind’s release, the body’s loosening, your gift.

O Dionysos; thyrsus-shaker, 

ivy-crowned god, 

we see you in the shadows, 

we see you on the edges, 

we see you in the haze of ecstasy, 

where we know the truth of passion, 

where we find the essence of our being.

Dionysos, I call to you!”

…What if Christians really have accidentally been worshipping Dionysus occasionally? We may have borrowed from or been influenced by Dionysus worship at the start of Christianity. That doesn’t truthfully mean real Christianity is flawed necessarily so much as that humans literally wrote the Bible and if they plagiarized (intentionally or accidentally) another religion even to be “relatable” in writing the Bible God Himself would have to account for that somehow… While the Bible might not even be literally wrong it could have traces of our fallen nature within it, so to speak?

But have Christians potentially been worshipping Dionysus in a gross or at least disrespectful way? Hmm… And could that tendency in Christianity go back to the sinful human nature of Christianity’s founders? Their imperfect faith? That’s why the Bible has to be beyond just us…even as we follow its truth.

…So, anyway, if you’re going to (truthfully) think that as part of the “Bride of Christ” that you might be the twin flame of Jesus you might as well consider that you’ve actually been worshiping an ancient Hellenic god instead of Jesus. Ha! That’s the thing…accuracy and nuance are important. Truth…is important. Even for Western Christians! …There’s nothing cute about “turning off your brain” to feel smarter than you are or to blindly trust the wrong people (like “famous Christians”). Think before you speak…examine before you trust…even if you’re just praying to God (or god). *wink*

How about this hymn?!

Be Still My Soul

​Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side;
bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
leave to thy God to order and provide;
in ev’ry change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heav’nly Friend
thro’ thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
to guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
all now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice, who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,
and all is darkened in the veil of tears,
then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay
from His own fullness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hast’ning on
when we shall be forever with the Lord,
when disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past,
all safe and blessed we shall meet at last.