Zoological Society

After discussing matters with literal Nazis…who helped her get rid of her migraine with milk, Advil and good company…and Woody Allen who is Woody Allen…Lacey now is slightly more sane again.

Of course it doesn’t hurt that Joe Sr. told her she comes across as a condescending jerk. Nor that indeed people don’t like to be told what’s wrong with them or the mistakes they’re making. It’s just apparently hurtful… It wouldn’t be to Lacey. But to him and many other people like him it’s difficult to handle.

The suggestions she made to the Nazis about their overall war tactics and the Holocaust…may have been warmly received.

It started out last night with Sydney Pollock and others trying to psychologically assist Lem Billings. Lacey was awake until 5AM chatting with him and the others. People were kind but…by 5AM when she, exhausted, had to go to sleep and it was again Michael Rockefeller who she cozied up with in bed…as the stubbornly aghast and perpetually morally appalled Lem still wanted to convict her of her sins…the team lost hope.

It’s not that her sins don’t count. It’s just…why is he so ugly about them? Or that’s the feeling of some Hollywood minds, so to speak.

Jack is a problem. Sure. *a Nazi rolls his eyes in agreement with Lacey* “But…he seems to miss the forest for the trees. He being Lem.” says the Nazi.

“What in the world is Lacey doing, Lem?!?” yells an aghast man.

Lem looks uncomfortable.

He smiles.

“She’s not necessarily the problem. I’m just devastated that she let herself be conquered sexually by Elliott Roosevelt.” he responds.

“Or was it Joe? Or Louis?” Lacey asks.

“Do you know who hurt-“ he crassly starts to ask who hurt him through her. As if she’s nothing but an instrument of his. A meaningless nothing.

“You have very little respect for me left?” he asks her.

“Yes.” she answers.


“Michael, why doesn’t it bother you that F. Scott Fitzgerald slept around after his heart was broken?” an intellectual woman asks him.

“Because he meant well.” says Michael.

“How can you mean well?!” asks Lem.

“Because some people really are actually confused, potentially. Not just faking it like your ol’ best-fuck-friend.” says Lacey to Lem.

“So that’s all this is?! …She’s just hurting me because of Jack?!” he asks the Nazi helping him understand.

“She’s right, Lem. Why isn’t that obvious to you?!” asks Elliott, exasperated.

“I mean it’s…toxic Lem…but…” a woman says to Lem.

He thinks. “Did she sleep with them to test me?!”

“Lem, why wouldn’t that just be blatantly obvious?” asks the Nazi.

He blinks. He thinks.

“Did Genevra test men?” a man asks Lacey.

“If I was to interpret her, I’d say yes. But that’s me living her life. Not her.” says Lacey.

“I bet Scott hoped she was like you.” says a perfume hater.

“Whether she was or not.” says another perfume hater, sadly.

“Wasn’t I supposed to test you?” Lacey asks Lem.

He blinks.

Michael looks unimpressed. Chill.

“Why don’t you just pull the plug?” Lacey asks him in despair. Migraine almost returning.

He looks at her, she hears his his voice, “Should I?” he asks her.

“Isn’t that up to you?” she asks.

He smiles. He closes his eyes. He thinks.

“I can’t in good conscience.” he says to her.

“But…all it’s amounting to so far is torture for me.” says Lacey.

“They’re bullying you using Lem.” he explains.

“Why are you letting them?” she asks.

“Because you don’t understand!” he yells, knowing how much she’ll understand if he says just that.

“You’re beggers!” yells a perfume hater at the Illuminati. “You’re nothing but a bunch of desperate, sad fucks!”

An elite black man in the Illuminati understands and braces himself.

“They lie.” says Lem to Lacey.

“I’m exhausted.” says Lacey to Lem.

“What do you want from us?” Michael asks Lem.

Jack somehow believes he’s the one who insisted Michael ask that. He takes full credit for Michael’s interest in Lacey.

Michael laughs.

“Lem, I might have been bisexual but I wasn’t ever in love with Jack. Or being with men.” says Michael, smiling.

Bizet’s “Carmen Suite For Orchestra No. 2” plays.

“If you’d been loved and fit in you’d make little sense and be as dumb as we are.” explains a perfume hater to Lacey, heartlessly.

Mozart’s “Symphony No. 40” starts.

“Sorry! Bizet is lovely, but I can’t stand the way they’re treating you.” says the Nazi to Lacey.

“Do you prefer Mozart?” a perfume hater asks Lacey.

“Mozart is her heroin!!!” yells the Nazi. “Her brain works in such a way…that when she hears Mozart she feels very little pain.” He laughs. “What?! Your brain doesn’t work that way?!”

It’s the Berlin Philharmonic playing. It works. Lacey feels bad but analyzes it as she listens.

“So you’re like a baby?!” asks a hater of Lacey.

“No. She’s an adult. You just don’t hear it or feel what she does.” explains the Nazi.

“Is it like a language?” asks the Loudest Perfume Hater of the Nazi.

“Yes!” he says cheerfully. “Possibly, right.”

“Do you want to get high?” the Loudest Perfume Hater asks Lacey.

“No. But when I had surgery on my eye it helped. And apparently my migraine was serious enough I must have needed medical attention.” says Lacey.

“You know…your weakness terrified her.” a Tik Tok star explains to Lem.

“It really is more that I was hurt.” says Lacey.

Laughing hysterically the perfume community has to ask, “Lem…why did you think Jack would be a good magic decoder ring for F. Scott Fitzgerald when he’s already pissed off as Hell??” They think. “Metaphorically speaking, and sorry for swearing.”

He smiles. Then he looks up and closes his eyes in terror.

“She hates having that much control in her relationship with her significant other.” explains Genevra King.

He cries.

“So is it the gender opposite of Scott?” Lacey asks Genevra.

“Yes! He likes control. You understand!” she says. She thinks. “It’s very subtle.”

“Okay…so let me get this straight. You literally just had to tell her off once?!” asks a writer of Lem, sick to his stomach that Lacey is being taken advantage of by Lem.

“In an appropriate way.” says Lem in a chokehold due to Michael.

Jack tries to take credit for that as well.

“Why did Michael have to put you in a chokehold to get you to admit that?” the writer asks Lem.

“He doesn’t like me!” yells Lem.

“Are you sure Lem?” asks the writer.

“No!!!” yells Lem.

Heated, the two shove each other.

Looking flushed, Lem leans over and rests the palms of his hands on his knees. He breathes to catch his breath.

Jack, standing behind, considers raping Lem. He’s bent over, after all. But Jack, seemingly drunk, is escorted away by Nazis. I doubt the American public ever saw Jack drunk. He looks very gay while drunk.

Genevra nods her head in agreement. Objectively.

“Do I seem gay while drunk?” Michael asks Lacey. She watches him.

“No.” says Lacey.

“What’s Jack look like?” asks a Boomer.

“He kind of wiggles. He…seems shaky. He looks like he’s had one too many Pina Coladas on Spring Break in 2006. And it’s like…closing time…and he’s…just ‘curious’ and being super friendly, so to speak.” says Lacey.

“Like an old dude?” asks the Loudest Perfume Hater.

“No. He’s young.” says Lacey. “Youngish.”

“Like how young?” asks a hater.

“Not that young. Like, early 30’s or mid 20’s.” says Lacey.

“He’s on weed not alcohol!” says the Loudest Perfume Hater.

“But he’s wiggling like he’d almost fall over if you pushed him just the tiniest bit.” says Lacey.

“So he looks drunk.” says the Loudest Perfume Hater.

“Mostly?” says Lacey.

“He could be on coke too. It’s Purgatory…” says a Millennial. She laughs and covers her mouth.

“That’s sad that he still thinks Lem wants him.” says an elite Liberal intellectual.

“You don’t really think that? Do you?” asks Lacey.

“Yes. I do.” he says.

Lacey looks disgusted. Not with him.

“Did Lem imitate Mae West to mock Jack?” asks a Millennial.

“That horrific possibility is possibly why I tested Lem.” says Lacey.

“I’m sorry!” Lem says to her.

Lacey rolls her eyes. “I can barely hear you.”

“What do you want from us?” Michael as Lem.

Lem analyzes the situation.

“You’re like a mob boss and instead of romantically pursuing you I just…threw my vomit in your face.” he says.

“Should I apologize to you for considering the possibility you might love me as possible?” she asks.

“Fuck!” he says. He starts rocking himself in anguish. He’s being serious.

“You know it’s funny. You’re all just in her head. Whether you exist or not.” says Michael to the Illuminati. “Why can’t you hear her actual spirit?” He looks almost guilty. “Who is she?” he asks Mr. Blue.

He laughs. “Okay. I get it.” he says, playing along.

Lem cracks-up laughing, sincerely.

“Hey Michael-“ starts Sarah Silverman.

“Shut-up!” yells Michael, violently. Dryly but violently.

“Michael, why…is Lem so upset?” Woody Allen asks him.

Michael takes a deep breath. “If you’re the emissary from the Land of Jews.” he laughs. Then he smiles. “The thing is…he’s not being heard.”

“What the heck is the problem with the Bloody Democrats?!” the Loudest Perfume Hater.

“I think they think they’re all intellectually at the level of the Clintons.” says a Pillsbury.

“True!” Louis vehemently agrees.

“What do you think?” Lem asks Lacey.

“I think they’re divided. Between those who see Lem as either bisexual or straight. And those who need him to be gay. Forever. And ever.” says Lacey.

Woody Allen cracks-up laughing.

“Which Woody Allen? Which Sarah Silverman?” asks a Diane.

“There are so many.” says Lacey.

“Did Jack…trick Lacey into thinking you loved him and lied about it? Do you hear the voice whispering violently in Lacey’s ear constantly that you’re lying? That her happiness with you is a lie? That she’s going to Hell? That nothing good will ever happen to her again?” asks Michael.

“Is that you? Or is that Jack? Or the Devil? Or Kick? Or Bobby? Or Jackie? Or who?” asks Lacey.

“Is it some family that needs Lem to be gay? To somehow cover-up for murdering him?” asks Michael.

“Why would they kill him?” asks the Loudest Perfume Hater.

“Because he gave heroin to kids. Because he may have been behind the murder of at least Jack, unwittingly. Because he wouldn’t fuck Bobby and make him so-called, ‘feel better.’”Lacey.

“Those are all brilliant reasons.” says Hemingway. “And, of course, we know the truth.”

“Or was it Eunice he wouldn’t put out for?” asks a perfume hater.

“Possibly.” says Lacey.

“I think he was used. And when they got done using him they just threw him away. And Bobby did it because he was so tired of being rejected sexually his whole life by his idol.” says Harold Loeb.

“So all those rumors about him being a pervert were planted for a sicko’s ego?” asks Lacey.

Joe Jr. weeps. Regrets. “I almost escaped.”

“Ethel’s?” asks Scott.

“Evil ends Hell.” says Vinny. “If Bill goes to Hell…where do you go?”

“I’ll become a bird or a child or be so stubborn God can’t hurt me!” says an evil woman.

“Are you sure that will work?” asks Lacey.

“Did Ted molest Bobby? Or did Ethel? Or did Ted?” asks a hater.

“I don’t think that will work!” Lacey says to the evil woman.

“Or did Jack molest Bobby?” asks Lem.

“Do you actually think that’s possible?” asks a man named Pete of Lem.

“Yes!! Why would I say it otherwise?!” asks Lem. He’s found safety with the Belters. It was Michael’s idea.

“I hate to say it but it’s more political than you’d like to think.” says a Belter.

“Really?” asks Lacey.

“We’re safe.” say the Belters

“It was my idea too!” says Lem to Lacey.

Paul Tirtin laughs. Lacey can hear him. It was his idea too.

“My father wasn’t an idiot.” says Genevra menacingly to haters.

“Why are they letting that one family have so much power?!” asks a man in the perfume community who’s dead.

“Because they’re losing to Michael.” says Lacey.

“How so?” asks Genevra of Lacey.

Lacey goes to get chocolate chocolate covered strawberries. Lacey has three and then stops. Because it’s dark chocolate.

“I need to buy dark chocolate and make my own.” Lacey says to Genevra.

“You should have one more.” Genevra says darkly.

“I do love them, but I’m going to get ice cream instead.” says Lacey.

Safely, “See…we need oil. And even if we don’t…they’re so powerful and well-connected. It’s dangerous to disarm them too forcefully.” says Lacey.

“I would agree!” says J. P. Kennedy.

“The thing is…you make stupid mistakes. It’s not that Michael can’t let go. It’s not that he’s too dependent. It’s that he can’t in good conscience leave the discussion. And it’s very arrogant to assume that they can just waltz in and take charge with buckshot nonsense.” says Lacey.

“I don’t like you!” says a Boomer actress to Lacey.

Genevra laughs. Scoffs really. Lacey follows Genevra’s lead.

Lacey laughs to Scott.

“I wish we could just go out tonight. Literally. And get drunk and cry.” Scott says Lacey.

“That does sound like fun.” Lacey says, almost ready to cry. Although getting drunk is wrong of course.

“It would be nice to just talk though.” he says.

She, of course, agrees.

Lacey suddenly wonders if they put lead in chocolate to make it sweet and save money on sugar.

A man rolls is eyes wondering if Lacey is right.

“So we’re at war with Michael?” asks Mr. Blue.

“Symbolically, possibly. Or maybe literally. The thing is, you’ve become obsessed with me. And obsessed with Lem.” says Lacey to the they in the Illuminati. “At first it seemed safe to be with Lem, but…you can’t let me be happy. You keep demonically attacking every relationship I get into. …And the problem is you’re being idiots. Because there’s no way you can truly end soulmates. And if Lem wasn’t gay…he just wasn’t. And if you’re taking demon’s advice and it contradicts saints…that isn’t my problem. …The thing is…you’re obsessed with Lem and me. And it’s bizarre. It’s almost as if you’re being tricked. Like, Jack is being used. And it’s working. Not because Lem cheats but because he doesn’t and you can’t fathom it. And you keep trying…and trying. And your perverse obsession with ‘Kem’ is actually your problem. …It’s a way to keep you weak. It’s your Achilles heel.” says Lacey.

“I can’t believe this is about oil. Your family isn’t that powerful. They barely have any oil. They’re not powerful. …It’s about a personal issue of you being obsessed with Lem. And on behalf of Lem as someone who actually knew him while he was alive not just as a figment of your imagination or some sex toy…I reassure you you’re a pathetic-loser-nobody. You’re a social-climbing-idiot-pervert. A reckless, irresponsible, ignorant, selfish person.” says a Bobby Jr. to Lacey. He’s being serious.

Bobby then claims ownership of all classical music as a member of the true upper-class.

“That’s exactly what I’m talking about.” says Lacey. “Your whole spiel is the problem.”

“Is any of what he’s saying true?” asks Harvey.

Lacey thinks. “Not really.”

They fly into a fit.

“The thing is…it’s not whether or not it’s true it seems but more or less the fact that he’s distracted by it.” Lacey says.

“Is it demonic?” asks Harvey.

“It could be. It’s unclear what that means if it’s true.” says Lacey.

“It’s revenge. But not. It’s also justice.” says Harvey.

“Yes. And you all keep getting stuck in your own traps.” says Lacey.

“From the man who brought you ‘Monsanto Is A Conspiracy’ and ‘Bill Is Bad’ comes ‘Lem is Faggot, Dammit!’” says an English hater.

“I don’t like that last title from this nationally renowned author.” says Michael.

“How about, ‘Lem Worshipped Jack’s Super-Penis?’” asks Lacey.

“Mm…I like, ‘Lem Was A Gay Man.’” says an Environmentalist. “It’s short, simple and to the point.”

“But that way nobody will understand.” says Lacey. “It’s not accurate of course, but it sounds too real.”

The environmentalist looks at her with a wink.

“Yeah, I just don’t think he was gay. I’m not sure how to manage your reaction to be helpful.” says Lacey to the they.

“The thing is, why are you on their hit list? And why are they using me?!” asks Lacey of the they.

“Because you’re clueless. And they’re liars.” says Genevra to Lacey.

“Lem, I’m sorry if I’ve been a terrible person to you.” says Lacey to Lem.

He listens.

“What is it?” asks a capitalist of Lacey.

“Are you really that morally in the right?” she asks.

“No, I know what you meant.” says a Belter.

“What is it that bothers you?” Michael asks her.

“The Curse” plays.

“The Kennedy’s are the backup singers.” says Lacey. “They aren’t even the piano.”

“Which instrument?” asks Michael.

“You mean backup singers.” says Lem to Lacey.

“Yes. But of course it’s what? The bow on the violin?” says Lacey.

“And what is our love?” asks Louis.

“Our love is so perfect it scares me.” says Lacey.

“Our love is perfect too.” says Michael to Lacey.

“It feels like what?” asks Audrey Hepburn.

“Supernatural. As if you were to manifest in some terrifying way.” says Lacey.


“The thing is…Lem is less perfect in that way, but I think he’s just as good if not better. Almost like he’s God’s plan for redemption. …But…the others are my fallen soulmates. And God can redeem them but they are attached to the fallen world.” says Lacey.


“And these plans for redemption keep falling apart. And there’s something vile about it. Almost like Michael and I are being forced together. And it’s perverse.” says Lacey.

“We’re the royalty.” says Elliott.

“So am I.” says Lem, taking off his mask.

“It’s not perverse for us to make love.” says Michael to her.

“Yes!” says Lacey. “But you’re supposed to be a slave, he’s supposed to be a dumb jock, and you’re supposed to snub me.” Lacey says.

“And Joe was supposed to love you?” asks a Belter.

“Bitter Sweet Symphony” plays and its a mess as it should be.

“Yes! And that’s supposed to be miracle. But it’s not. And that’s the horrible truth I’m grappling with in the grips of the best and worst of the Illuminati.” says Lacey.

“Is there a way to seduce you away from Michael?” asks an actor of Lacey.

“No.” says Lacey. “That’s possibly impossible.”

“And yet…Lem might who God wants?” asks an Ethel.

“Yes.” says Lacey, grimacing because it’s a mess.


“I don’t understand the mind of God…but it’s a mess. Because I loved Joe. But it feels like he cheated once Pat died. Or he was going to. And Harold called him on it? And then Scott got involved…and my family did too…and…maybe always were. But…my father is complicated. And…Lem is…who someone always wanted for me? But…Joe was who had won…and then…Harold cared. And Joe cheated and Lem won. Elliott lost. And then Louis lost. And Scott lost. And Harold lost. And…the buck stops with Michael.” says Lacey.

“I’m better in bed than Michael!” yells Bobby.

“Oh dear. What’s your next hot topic? Big Bird’s psychology?” asks Lacey a Bobby.

“I’m sorry.” says Lem to Lacey.

“Are being serious?” someone asks Lacey.

“Yes. I don’t think I’m being heard. Or believed. Or taken seriously. And it’s not safe.” says Lacey.

She stares David down. She threatens to smash Bobby’s Sr.’s skull in if he doesn’t get a clue.

“The thing is…Big Bird is fascinating. What’s wrong with him though? Why is so…creepy?” asks Lacey.

“You know I agree!” says Louis.

“Do you think Big Bird has big problems or big potential or big pockets?” asks Lacey.

“Big problems.” says Louis.

“‘The Yellow Man.’” says Lacey.

“But he’s a bird.” says Lem.

“Is he?!” asks Lacey.

“What’s the problem with him?” asks a member of the actual Illuminati sex ring.

“Well, first of all, you’re insane and evil. Secondly…” she pauses. Thinks.

“You probably think we’re a stupid business?” he asks her.

“Are you retarded? You shouldn’t have been born if you haven’t created your own kids.” says Lacey. “Keep up, I’m tired.” She thinks. “Not that you should necessarily raise your kids.” She yawns. “The thing is, Big Bird has worse problems than you.”

“I might be a psychopath.” they say.

“So what?!” says Lacey. “This is The Yellow Man we’re talking about.”

“Is he a billionaire?” asks the evil man.

“He’s worse. He’s wealthier than any man to ever exist.” says Lacey.

She threatens to stab the man in his face and neck if he comes near or her family. He declines her offer impolitely to be killed that way or by her in general.

“That’s cool. That’s healthy that you don’t want me to kill you in self-defense or as a capital punishment. If you decide to kill yourself pray first at least.” says Lacey.

“If you killed me in self-defense people would side with me anyway. They’d do it because I’ve brainwashed people so much they think I’m right for being killed by someone like you regardless of how right you are. You have no rights and no damn existence or excuse in their minds.” he says.

“That’s kind of you to admit that.” says Lacey. She smiles. “The thing is…you’re being mean to yourself. Come on! I know you wanna hear more about The Yellow Man.”

“Fine! Who is he?” he asks.

“Maybe I just made him up?” she wonders.

“You feel sorry for me.” he says.

“Of course I do!!” she yells.

“You’re not supposed to.”

“You shouldn’t have been born. Your existence amazes me. How you don’t just kill your send out of fear of being sent to Hell is baffling to me.” says Lacey.

“You think I’m a fool for siding with that fool.”

“I’m not on flipping Dragnet. But yeah. It’s weird.” says Lacey.

“No, we’re insane.” they admit?

“For being pedophiles. The rest of it? I think you’ve been had.” says Lacey.

“And that’s concerning to you?”

“Big Bird.”

“Are they trying to let us all die?”

“Oh yeah, probably. Listen…my cousin shot himself in the face. I see ghosts. I was molested and I have a real soul. …Death isn’t the worst thing.” says Lacey. “They want you to feel sorry for them? Not for the kids. For then.” She thinks. “See…the thing is…being as insane as you are…can you empathize with their stupidity? They don’t have brains almost or they’re worse than you.”

“Are you David or Goliath?” he asks.

“I worry I’m Goliath. Not just because I was sexually abused. And they lie and say I’m only feeling special because I was groomed as a kid…but I know that’s not likely true. It’s a cover. A tradition. Because it absolves them of what they’re doing to themselves. They aren’t victims. But they’ll never be loved in return. And they give all their power spiritually to the children. Possibly forever. Or at least their entire lives. And the love will never be returned. At all. Because it’s entirely unwanted. It’s entirely unwanted. Unreceived. They’re sending themselves to Hell for eternity and they’re too lost to see it. And too brain dead. Not from good sex but from the most profound deception possible. They’re doing the most vile thing you can do to another human and then there’s literally nothing real or good in it for them at all. We can only hope they have some inkling of their bare existence before eternal Hell or what? Ceasing to exist? Being lobotomized. Having to see how they look from my eyes? Because that’s all it is and the rest is probably even worse. It’s just…derangement. Don’t deceive yourselves to look elite. It’s not. It’s…supremely embarrassing at its impossible best. …But I worry I’m Goliath because…”

“Nah. I hear you.”

“So that makes me nervous.”


“Do you worry?” she asks.


“Do you worry?” asks Lacey.

“You really did start the pand-“

“DFM?” Lacey shrugs to be kind. “DFM?”

“I’m full of it.” says a Hollywood jerk.

“Nah, nah, what was that poem you memorized?” asks a man.

“Sarah Teasdale. There Will Come Soft Rains.” says Lacey.

“Could you control all of us?”



“The thing is…it shouldn’t be happening.” says Lacey.

“So…just to be clear…this wouldn’t be a huge problem if they’d left you alone in regard to Joe Jr.?” asks Bobby.

“Possibly.” says Lacey.

“Did Michael plan it or did he both want and not want it?”

“Both. And I worry Lem is telling you to go to Hell. Literally.” says Lacey.

“So…the Earth is falling apart, Lem is cursing us to eternity in pain, suffering and misery, and we’re focused on Big Bird?” asks a man.

“Yes.” says Lacey.

“Are we choosing that?” he asks.

“Is Jack choosing a popped collar and Miami in 2006?” asks Lacey.


“Why?” asks Lacey.