Awkward Evil

Summertime Sadness plays.

Once when Lacey was wondering if she was just imagining things or if she was actually talking to F. Scott Fitzgerald’s ghost…she asked God for a sign. And that night she went driving in Saint Paul thorough Scott’s old neighborhood and she saw a bright shooting star fly directly overhead. It flew like a firefly perfectly above. …Of course, it wasn’t unequivocal proof but it seemed eerie nonetheless, given the rarity of such an event, the timing, location, and his famous line in The Great Gatsby.

Tonight Lacey is feeling gloomy. Why? Because she has to let go of some man. Focus on one of them…

“Karrie, you’re my aunt.” says David.

“It’s Lem.” says Scott.

“We’re not assuming anything.” says Louis.

Lacey wonders if she’s a lost child…or a very unusual member of her family. It is weird though how much her kids look like her when she looks very little, relatively speaking, like her parents. Well…somewhat like her dad…but…

“I did love you.” Joe Jr. says to Lacey.

“Is it confusing or comforting to your nieces and nephew if I’m with Lem in Heaven?” asks Lacey.

“I wondered that too.” says Louis.

“They’d love Louis.” says Joe sadly.

“If reincarnation is a thing…I have a feeling they’ll see you and Jack as the original best friends.” says a Freemason.

“Unless he wrote himself into the story. I’m not convinced he didn’t.” says an English witch.

“So if you and Lem were married…not Michael…then?” asks a Lana.

“I know. They’ve both claimed to be that man. Actually, Joe thought it was him. So did Elliott.” says Lacey.

“Do they not know? Or are they saying that they’d be more likely to be him than the others?” asks the English witch.

“It seems like both. Michael seemed the most certain it’d be him.” says Lacey.

“It was Michael.” says an English actor. “If reincarnation is in Christianity. But I think you might have been married to Lem at some point too.”

“But let’s be honest, reincarnation as fascinating as it is…doesn’t seem theologically solid. At all.” Scott says.

“Dang!!” says a rapper to Lacey.

Old Money by Lana Del Rey plays.

“Having to chose between two husbands?” asks Lacey.

He nods in agreement.

“Yeah. If that’s possible in Christianity…it’s been awful.” B” says Lacey.

“Who do you chose?!” a black woman says in in possible empathy.

“Exactly. Especially not really knowing so many things.” says Lacey.

Chasing Pavements plays.

“Okay…so even if Lem was bi. Who’s to say he wouldn’t have chosen you anyway?” asks a British singer. “Maybe without you it was hopeless…but…I think you’re hearing from an actual ghost at least slightly and think…he’s into you a lot. Like…it’s just some people are our everything.”

“See…people say he felt that way about Jack. But then I think about how he would have reacted if I’d died. …He wouldn’t have been so desperate.” says Lacey.

“I wouldn’t have remarried. Or likely dated. But…no. I’d have spent hours talking to her grave.” says Lem.

“Would that have comforted you?” asks a Freemason.

“Yes! Very much so. I would have been waiting to die…but I’d have felt hopeful.” He tears up. “And I’d have been happy to live for the sake of our children and grandchildren.” he says. “It would have meant everything to her for me to be strong. And I would have been. …And we’d have had our faith in God.” says Lem.

“Oof.” says a Boomer reading that.

“So…what would you make of the life you led? If you’d led that life instead?” asks another Boomer.

Laying next her imaginary grave he laughs. “I see it from her perspective. It seems despicably foolish.”

A Boomer actress smiles. She nods her head.

“I’m not smitten. I think you’re in suffering. That should have been your life, Lem.” says the first Boomer.

Cornfield Chase starts to play.

“Am I lucky that she’s unhappy or not?” asks Lem.

“Lucky!” says the English witch smiling triumphantly. Michael agrees that it’s lucky.

“Look, if I hadn’t died-If I had lived we’d have been incredibly happy, Lem. No matter our age difference. We’d have felt…fortunate to know each other at all. To love. At all. …But I died. And frankly…if it wasn’t me…I like her being free to realize how ugly the world is instead of pretending to be happy. Or worse yet, believing she’s happy and that life is as dull and shapeless and meaningless as you said you believed it was.” says Michael.

“Michael did she kill herself over you?!” asks an Englishwoman into witchcraft.

“If he was that man…and that’s something that God would have to answer for you…then yes.” says Scott. “Ask for her about it.”

“Why would you have?” asks the English witch.

“I think I had failed pregnancies. And he was…my whole life. I couldn’t imagine life without him. I just wanted to join him. …My death wasn’t planned if it happened though. It was through negligence.” says Lacey. “Also…I have a feeling I was an orphan.” She thinks. “That’s the thing…it happened quickly. I didn’t wait until I was 65 and then kill myself on his birthday. Or the day before. It happened months after he died. Because I literally couldn’t stand it…should it be what happened. …That’s the sense I get.”

“So you just feel like waiting is weird?” asks a widow.

“If you’re going to die…by suicide or something close to it? …Perhaps it might shorten your life. But…when old people die close together it’s not for no reason. Right?” she says. “I may have intended to drink myself to death.”

“So-“ a Lana laughs. “You and Michael came back if reincarnation exists? And it didn’t go so well.”

“No. And our timing is…bizarre.” says Lacey.

“Well…you could have been trying to prove your love to each other?” says a Boomer.

“I think it’s important to realize and recognize I’m demanding this be a part of Christianity. ..And…as it has nothing to do with salvation…perhaps it’s not often if ever God’s will. …Should it even be a thing, so to speak.” says Lacey. “But…maybe a good question is: Would I have killed myself if it was Lem?”

“Would you have?” asks the Englishwoman into witchcraft.

“I’d have prayed to die or prayed for grace. It would have been hard to live. But…not as deathly?” wonders Lacey. “Somehow I wonder… And I may have this backwards. But…does Michael alter my brain more?”

“Alter your brain?!” asks a Boomer.

“Yes. Like…how did he derail this conversation?” asks Lacey. “It’s like…if he loves me…he controls me. Brilliantly. And I think I’d get lost in that.”

“How so?” asks Joe Sr..

“I think I would have lived each day like it belonged to him.” says Lacey. “Like…everything was his where we lived. And his every thought mattered an enormous amount.” She thinks. “And yet he would have been chipper and good and…strong. And wise.” She thinks more. “He would have been a very good man.” More thinking…

MATA LIFE plays.

“If it’s a part of Christianity…my dear faith I’ll stake my life on…it’s like he would have had this insidious amount of power.” says Lacey. “And it was a blessing if it’s true. He would have brought nothing but peace and stability and happiness.” She thinks. “And yet…I wonder if when he died it would have been like…nothing made sense.”

“Like…what?” asks a Charles.

“Like…how did the Earth still orbit?” says Lacey. “Almost as if my brain ceased to work. Or as if I died too. …And maybe I went insane?” wonders Lacey. “Should it have happened? Even theoretically.”

“So you just didn’t know what to do with yourself?” asks a Lana.

“I wonder if it would have had to be worse than that.” says Lacey. “Almost as if…I was totally distanced from reality?” She thinks. “And maybe drinking would have been my way to feel numb but also less…scared of the weirdness?”

Eleanor Rigby plays. 

“I wouldn’t have been just lonely. …I’d have been horrifically disassociated.” says Lacey. “Not even feeling pain so much as intense shock.”

“Would you or him have cheated?” asks a Gen Z member.

“No!! Never.” says Lacey. “Marrying him would have been like…living in Heaven slightly… And our only pain would possibly have come from my lost pregnancies. …But…we probably would have thought we had time.” She thinks. “I think I would have been very happy. Almost like you see in movies.”

“And so when he died…should this be true…you would have been?” asks a Gen Z woman.

“I would have felt as if nothing was real. Nothing made sense. That…my brain was actually in another place. Sort of like…how am I breathing? Why does almost anything I see around me exist?” She laughs. “For some reason I’m walking around Blenheim Palace as I say this.” She thinks. “In my head. And only otherwise if God allows it.”

“Was he very domineering?” asks a Gen Z woman.

“If. …That’s nothing. He…was…-It would have been inconceivable to think of him having any serious trouble. Tragedy? Yes. But trouble? No. Not really. He got what he wanted, I guess you could say.” says Lacey.

A Boomer woman laughs. “And that’s who poor Lem is up against. A man who would have kept British Kings and Queens on their toes at the height of the British Empire.” She thinks.

“And should this be true…poor Jack may have sensed Lem was your husband once and somehow mistaken their identities.” says a gay man trying to be humble.

The Charismatic laughs.

“So…if Michael had been Lem…would Jack have been killed?” asks a Gen X woman of Lacey.

“No. People wouldn’t have dared.” says Lacey.

“Like if they knew somehow who Lem really was?” asks a woman.

“Exactly.” says Lacey. “I suppose the idea would be spiritually that Lem had some…secret sway over almost everyone.”

“Who actually was Lem?” asks a Boomer.

“A slightly shy, sweet, vicious man when he wanted to be…calm, even tempered yet paradoxically passionate…deep but jolly…unspeakably difficult man.” says Lacey. She thinks. “I’d bet Michael could be taken up in flights of fancy at times and it was his goodness and logical ability that brought him back to Earth, so to speak. But…Lem might have been confused but…I doubt he really was that free and fanciful almost ever.”

“So…he was…stubborn?” asks a man.

“Impossible.” says Lacey. “Virtually impossible.” She thinks. “Very warm maybe. But…essentially like granite.”

“Did he seriously convince himself he was gay?” asks a Boomer of Lem.

“It seems so.” says Lacey.

“That’s so strange.” says a hater.

“Mmm…not really.” says Lacey.

“I think it’s funny if it’s true. …But let’s be careful not to judge Jack.” says a gay man.

“They’re so different though.” says Lacey in wonder.

He laughs. “But Michael wasn’t there. And-Are they anything alike?”

“They’re both sweet. And I would have been married to them. And Jack would have, if he was there, somehow have thought Michael was gay before. Even though I have a feeling he was actually straight.” says Lacey.

“And then there comes Lem thinking he is gay!” laughs a woman. “Should this be true.”

“Actually, the fact that Michael died in 1961 is creepy.” says a hater. “And if it is Christianity…wow. Jack was…accidentally hilarious. It’s like when Regina eats those bars.”

“Don’t underestimate Louis. …But…let Lem keep proving himself. And if he can’t then you’re all better off.” says a Boomer.

“I refuse to ever quit trying to have her as mine. God alone can change my mind.” says Lem.