Hilarious

(Adult content below)

People have started talking to Lacey out of time. Like her ex-husband. Like…he’s apologized or commented.

Losing All Sense plays.

Her ex-husband is a lot like Joe Jr.. In a great many ways.

“He still has women he dated who stalk him.” says Michael.

“It’s annoying. Even though we aren’t together anymore.” says Lacey.

“Well, she remarried.” says Michael. “She has to find some way to tell him that and double-check on his interest in her.”

“There’s more than just her.” Lem says, trying to join in on the conversation.

“How many?!” asks Lacey.

Lem smiles. Then he takes a deep breath. Laughs. “Four?”

“Seven.” says Michael slightly humorously.

“I love him though. We’re close. Not like husband and wife close. But close.” says Lacey.

“You trust him with your life.” says Joe Jr. with his eyes closed. He looks sick. “You’ve trusted me too.”

Lem looks at him in silent disgust. Michael laughs.

It’s breakfast.

“I ruined my life. And I’m dead.” Joe jokes.

“Yes, Joe. You did.” says a gay Gen X man in the Illuminati, rolling his eyes. “I feel like my community is represented in your circle sometimes and umm…on behalf of all gay men everywhere: Yes. Yes, Joe. We believe you’ve screwed-up.”

“The blizzard is more convincing this morning!” says Lacey happily.

“Mmm.” says the gay man.

“You feel what? About what happened with Joe.” asks the gay man.

“Men like them, my ex-husband and Joe…are gorgeous souls. And they draw people to them. But they don’t understand romance. They understand so much that most people don’t. And they command leadership and respect. They’re brilliant at what they do with their lives in that way. I still think Joe would have been a great US President. …But…romantic love is confusing to him and my ex, I think.” says Lacey. “They don’t understand it and then they make hideous mistakes. And they don’t always recover.” She thinks. “But they are, of course, redeemable and I desperately want to see both of those men happy in that way.”

“Funny how they both needed your approval and neither of them realized that.” says the Native American woman.

Lem looks sad.

“That’s perceptive. People often underestimate the usefulness of my actual acceptance.” says Lacey. “My approval.”

Lem looks smug. Then shaken. To his core.

“Why don’t you warn people?” he asks her.

Four Cypresses plays.

“Why are you asking?” asks Lacey.

“I warned you, Lem.” says Louis.

He smiles. “I’m trying to warn them.” he says.

“Why? I’d like to bite off their heads and spit them out.” says Lacey in her actual throaty voice with added sing song beauty.

“Yeah.” he says. Then he looks at her.

“Thanks! Louis almost just got laid, buddy.” says Michael to Lem. “I warned you too.”

“You guys compared Scotia to Izzy. You made Scotia Mandy Moore at her worst.” Joe laughs. “It’s a impressive insult.” He smiles. “And she‘ll never forget that. Ever. …Ever.” He thinks. “Don’t forget, I’m not Jack.”

“Why is that an insult! You’re insulting them by making it an insult!” says Mr. Blue.

“Hahaha! Scotia looks like Britney Spears!” jokes the Native American woman. “Or some Scottish aristocrat. Or just Lacey…”

“Tommy Banks’ daughter shakes her ass and brings all the milkshakes to the garage.” says Desmond. “In shit velour tracksuits.”

“I wonder if her mommy on the planes was Toxic?!” asks another hater. “Awww! If you’d grown-up to be a flight attendant like your mom you could have been a slut with your own famous music video.”

“But these women are insulting her.” says Reta. “They aren’t her. I’m sorry.”

A demon working with Mr. Blue fumes.

“Don’t tell me she’s not my daughter.” says Reta.

“Why are you making Mrs. Banks angry?” asks Elliott Roosevelt out of curiosity of the Illuminati. Then aside, “Listen, President Carter, pray to God for your salvation and yet be hopeful until your dying breath.”

“Probably pray about this.” says Lacey.

“I doubt reincarnation is real. But my father worried for a reason about discussing it.” says a man.

“I’m a fool.” says Lem.

Neighbors plays again.

“God’s power is obvious here. I don’t want to go anywhere ever where it isn’t.” says Lacey. “And I say that as a daughter not a lover.”

And at that Scotia cuts off a man’s head. On a heather flocked hillside. Lacey watches.

Then Scotia stabs a man riding on a horse. Right through the heart. She leaves them terrified without their leader.

“Face to face we’ll watch our bodies break.” sings Grizzly Bear.

The men sit on their horses awaiting her response. They give in. They’re the last of their defenses. They’re hopeful she’ll let them join her army.

Lacey is impressed. Sipping her coffee she waits to see what Scotia will do next.

“I screwed-up too. Not in the way Joe did. But I don’t know how to convince you that I’m not gay or even bisexual and I love you.” says Lem to Lacey.

“You could just tell me that.” says Lacey.

“I try to. And they stop me.” says Lem. “Far more than they realize.”

“I tried to warn you about Janet! And they stopped me!” yells J. P. on a horse at Lacey. He’s enjoying this scene too. He grabs a sword and gets into a fencing match.

“This is fun for him.” says Desmond about J. P.. “You’d be surprised.”

“I’m Irish. It’s good fun.” he says smiling.

Joe Jr. and Jack watch on horses. No armor. Timid in the mist.

“I’m joining dad!!” yells Bobby dressed for the moment in chain armor. He grins. Daringly he darts into the fray and chops off a demon’s head. Then ten. Then twenty. Forty. Then he takes a break.

Lacey cries.

Joe and Jack turn to her.

“Why can’t we join him?” asks Jack.

“Maybe you can someday.” says Lacey hopefully.

Jack smiles.

Joe calculates the scene.

Then in armor, Joe Jr. charges forward. Uninhibited by shame. Ebullient. He quickly talks a herd of demons into running themselves off a cliff.

“Gosh, it’d be fun to meet Scotia someday. Truly.” says Lacey. “I doubt it’s in Christianity. Should it be…I can’t believe I could be her. Really?”

“You do look a lot alike. Inside and out.” says Scott.

“Don’t worry, Lacey. It’s going to be okay.” says Zelda. “Really!! All of it!!”

“Did you just kill sometime?!” asks Wobbly.

“Oh, if I’m Scotia?” asks Lacey.

“Yes. It was a long time ago. Or I watched her previous battle. Hundreds of years ago.” says Lacey.

“So if you’re Scotia you helped yourself supernaturally. From the future. How?!” he asks.

“With God. Or the Illuminati. Or both. Or aliens. Or just on my own. But I have a feeling it’s God. Or Lem? Or who? Joe Sr.?” asks Lacey. “Bobby and Joe?”

“Like they fought and died? And…” says a gay man.

“I think it’s just God.” says Desmond. “Not a God to be trifled with. Like maybe…Jesus?”

“What’s so great about chopping off heads?” asks a Gen X lesbian of Lacey.

“Not your thing?” laughs Lem. “Yes, I suppose a lesbian might not understand.”

“Because men are that atrocious?” asks Lacey.

“No! Because it’s a feminine thing in your case. Entirely polite and feminine. You’re doing it to be polite.” says Lem. “I’m sure Bobby was being efficient and effective and noble. But you’re being polite.”

“Well, I chopped off their heads?” asks Lacey.

“Yes. A few. You either are her or she let you pick.” he says. “She let you pick who to kill.”

“I think the idea is to be respectful and face to face and quick about it.” says Lacey.

“Don’t try me.” says Lem to the Illuminati. “You have no idea. You’re not me. And if I’m Lem…you don’t know how much you have to learn.” He smiles. “Right?”

“Don’t be mean!” says a Boomer to Lacey. “Don’t tell me how superior you are. You’re nothing!”

“You all either try to make her feel guilty for being intimidating or like the shit under your shoe. And she’s never known what to make of it.” says Joe Jr.. “No! Those stalkers are not as pretty as her. No. No. No.”

“And that’s why you don’t cheat with facts like that.” says Zelda to Joe Jr.. “Why do you expect bitter rivals who sadly long desperately for her ex to acknowledge them for just a second…to explain rationally to her what she looks like compared to them?!”

“It is a bit much.” says Harold to Joe Jr..

“I’m not laughing at you. But it is funny.” jokes Hemingway.

“I thought her parents would.” he says.

“Well, that was unlikely.” says Scott sadly. “And to all those reading everywhere, her kids are her kids. Don’t ever question that. It’s extraordinarily dangerous.”

“Whatever!” says a black hater in the Illuminati stupidly deciding he’s not affected.

“Shut-up!!!” Joe yells at a Jewish woman trying to agree with the man. “You’re only hurting yourselves. Please stop!!”

“I can steal her kids!” says a anarchist black woman.

“Shut-up!!” yells a black man.

“I’m a woman!” she shouts.

“You’re also black. And I don’t feel like getting shot for your stupidity you malignant bitch!” he says.

“But those aren’t her kids. They came from FedEx.” says a malignant white woman in the Illuminati.

“I gave birth to both of them.” says Lacey.

“You don’t exist. You’re just trying.” says the malignant white woman in the Illuminati.

“That’s bizarre.” says Joe Jr..

“And obviously untrue.” says Lacey.

“Are you women just infertile compared to Lacey?” asks Scotia.

“Yes.” says an evolutionary psychologist.

“And they’re my kids.” says Lem. “Or Michael’s. Michael Rockefeller. Michael. Rockefeller.” He pauses. “Or mine.”

“So I can’t claim them? That’s crazy.” says a stalker of her ex-husband. “Not at all?”

“No. There’s no way that’s sane. Or reasonable. Or real. You’re crazy!” says Lem. “And it’s whores like you who stalk him that make us more powerful in their genes.” losing his temper.

“Wait, what?!” she asks.

“They’re his kids when God needs them to be. And mine when anyone tries to make them not Lacey’s. Just hers. She’s their only mom.” says Lem. “And if you bitches from Hell don’t back off they’ll only be my kids. We shouldn’t have to deal with you shits.” He seethes. “If the world was arranged the way it should be they’d be mine and hers. Her ex is lucky to have them. And he’s not you. …You aren’t connected to them at all. You’re nothing but a gross parasitic nuisance. A crazy woman trying steal my children through his past. My kids have never been connected to you in any way.”

“Yes. And I don’t want to have to get my grandfather in involved. That’s not funny to him.” says Michael.

“You’re the bitch maid trying to use sorcery and mental-illness and people’s sympathy to kidnap rich people’s kids.” says J. D. Rockefeller to her husband’s stalkers. “You’re common as a fuck in the dark when a man has decided to visit a prostitute. You’re a prostitute trying to steal my grandkids through the bullshit your generation believes in.”

“How in the world did you get the idea I want to believe her kids could have been mine?” asks the stalker.

“Because we heard you!” yells an evolutionary psychologist in the Illuminati.

“Okay. So…” says the stalker.

“You can’t have the genes he gave his kids. He gave those to Lacey. Those are not the genes he would have given you. And if they are then Lem just supersedes that and takes over. Or Michael does.” explains a witch in the Illuminati. “Okay?” She thinks. “So like, they have nothing to do with you. That’s clear.” she says to the stalker.

“We tried.” says a group of black people. “You all have to learn to use your brains.” they say to the hateful whites attacking Lacey. “If we attack her that’s our business. But you ain’t us either.”

“He hasn’t blocked us. That’s clearly a sign he still loves us.” they say.

“I think it’s fine. Lem was white. So was Louis. Get a grip!” says a white supremacist.

“I see Lem as a victim of what we fight against.” says another white supremacist.

“They’re fine. We’re fine. Truly.” says a Jewish woman.

Later.

“He closed his old account. He only had five followers anyway.” says Louis.

“Would she really try to kidnap my kids?” asks Lacey.

“If she would, we know that.” says J. D. Rockefeller.

“What would be her premise? Rescuing them from the Illuminati? Keeping them from getting vaccinated?” asks Lacey.

“I doubt she’s anti-vaccination.” says Wobbly.

Lacey rolls her eyes.

“I’m not going to berate you for vaccinating your kids.” says Wobbly to Lem.

“We don’t over vaccinate. Just enough.” says Lem.

“What is over vaccinating?!” asks Wobbly.

“Getting every vaccine imaginable. Just flu, Covid…and the traditionally recommended vaccines. And we pray over them.” says Lem.

“You pray over them?!” asks Summertime Sadness.

“Are you thinking of kidnapping them now?!” asks J. D. Rockefeller.

“No!” he responds. “I just don’t understand how praying about it would fix anything?”

“God can do anything He wants.” says Lem. “Are you challenging that?”

“Like making the vaccines safe.” says Summertime Sadness.

“Why wouldn’t it make sense to pray for each vaccine with faith that God can help if He chooses to?” asks Lem’s father.

“Because God can’t do shit?” says a hater. “He can’t fix vaccines from…Heaven.”

“That’s possibly moronic.” says Lacey.

“Lem, I’m sorry if I’ve lusted after your wife.” says Summertime Sadness. “Or Michael’s.”

“That’s an easy sin to do as a human. I forgive you.” says Louis.

“So do I. But I’m not over it.” says Lem.

Michael smiles. “That’s a nice thing to either imagine you saying or hear from your spirit. I’d forgive you. Of course. But I too, don’t like it.”

“Lem, can you lust after your own wife?” asks Summertime Sadness laughing.

“Yes. Lust isn’t longing. If it isn’t love it’s conceit.” says Lem. “I was joking, mostly.” He thinks. “I think you sometimes are just being human and need to realize being single isn’t easy.”

“That’s not to say lust is Godly. Not at all.” says Michael.

“I need more grace, guys.” says Summertime Sadness seriously.

“You need grace. I agree. I couldn’t be alone that much. It’s-“ Elliott shakes his head in empathy. He laughs. “It’s my strength and my weakness. I’m an excellent husband but I’m also not good at being alone as much as you’ve been. I respect your courage.”

“Are really Elliott Roosevelt?” he asks.

“Yes.” Elliott responds.

“See…you…stalk me.” says Mr. Blue to Lacey. “Like Fatal Attraction!” He’s serious.

“No. That’s insane.” says Lacey.

“Do you even know his kid’s names?” asks an actress.

“No. I heard one name. Once. Years ago.” says Lacey.

“She ignores you. Passionately ignores you. With no reason but wanting you to go away.” says a Republican to Mr. Blue.

“Because I’m poor and ugly?” he asks sadly. “Don’t laugh! I’m serious. You’re a snob.”

Lacey looks at him repulsed and confused.

“Okay. Maybe you don’t stalk. But I don’t feel forgiven.” he says.

“For what?!” asks Lacey.

“For hating you.” he says with a smile.

“For your violence against me? Your collective violence?” asks Lacey.

“Yes! All that.” he says.

“Yes, it’s almost as if you couldn’t handle that I didn’t get more hurt.” says Lacey.

He nods a yes.

“Should I apologize?” asks Lacey.

“I just expected more bunny boiling. You got angry but…only relative to the issues. It was so…blasé. So…healthy. I wanted more excitement. I didn’t work this hard for nothing.” he says glumly. He smiles hopefully.

“That’s not my way of handling life. You probably shouldn’t have gotten your hopes up.” says Lacey.

“And now you don’t even find me attractive. You honestly are genuinely totally over me.” he says. “Just my luck.”

“I have been for years.” Lacey reminds him.

“Why did you think Lacey would be a bunny boiler?” asks Summertime Sadness. “Could that be anti-Christ bullshit?”

“You think I misunderstood her because of her faith?” asks Mr. Blue.

“And her sensitivity. And temperament in general. She’s not a pushover. But neither am I. And you’d never call me crazy in that way.” says Summertime Sadness.

“You truly get over men?” asks a perfume hater of Lacey. “We are gullible.”

“No. I wouldn’t. I don’t want to divulge how misogynistic I am. It’s embarrassing.” says Mr. Blue to Summertime Sadness.

“Yes.” says Lacey, as if everyone is that way.

“I don’t get over people that easily.” says The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“I do.” says Michael. “But I care deeply. Don’t get it twisted.” He laughs. “So does Lacey.”

“They just…move on.” says Lem. “I’m the opposite so much I could be faithful to a doorknob if I thought it was a thing. But…perhaps in part it’s because I know what I want. In love. Just that much.” He thinks. “No. I wasn’t attached to Jack in the same way. …It was loyalty. But not the sort that one has when they’re in love.” He thinks. “Lacey has seen sides of me Jack never did.” He smiles. “I could worry she won’t like me.” He looks at her. “You wouldn’t believe I wasn’t attracted to men. But someday, if it’s true, you will.”

“Is Lacey in trouble?” asks Summertime Sadness.

“Yes. But not really.” says Lem. “I was so messed-up. Truly. Joe told her not to get involved with me. But I’m not sure what she was supposed to do.”

Silence.

“No, it can be like that. Lots of men and women got married young and are still in love. In Heaven.” says Lem.

“Was that a generational blessing?” asks a Charismatic.

“It might have been.” says Lacey.

“We don’t talk about them. They scare us today.” says a Boomer.

“No, she wouldn’t have through twice of anyone. Just me.” says Lem.

“Isn’t that comforting?!” asks a Boomer.

“It would be if she didn’t think I was gay. Or if she knew how much I love her.” Lem says.

“No, because she’s in love with me.” says Mr. Blue.

“Hahahaha.” says Michael.

“He makes jokes sometimes!” says a man about Mr. Blue. He shrugs.

“Would you consider yourself anti-Semitic?” asks Stalker No. 1.

“No. Is that a trick question?” asks Lacey.

Louis laughs.

Later.

Golden Light plays.

“Lem, could you manage without Lacey?” asks a witch.

“No. Not really.” he says.

“Some people might just be like that.” says the witch. “We don’t allow it to enter our minds nowadays. To our peril.”

“Her depression isn’t meaningless.” says Lem of Lacey.

“There’s nothing inherently glamorous about loneliness.” says Michael. “Real, actual sex is of God. It’s not meaningless. Its imitations are vile. Pure evil on occasion.”

“Why do you and Lacey need each other so badly?” asks Summertime Sadness.

“Our hearts ache. We get…despondent. And nothing else satisfies that need. Absolutely nothing. God isn’t our lover. He also isn’t us.” says Lem. “Lacey and I can avoid being totally alone but…we can’t be happy. Not really.

—

Wasted Acres plays.

“I need to be clear: It doesn’t matter what you think about my orientation, in so far as you belong entirely to me. Unless God says otherwise. You’re with me for eternity.” says Lem.

Then stepping back in time, “Lacey we can’t keep making love without getting married.” Lem says across a crowded table at a party. It’s bizarre to Lacey that no one moves. No one notices.

“Doesn’t anyone hear us?” Lacey asks him.

It’s Pennsylvania. A woman sitting on a man’s lap finally turns and looks at her with both empathy and disdain.

“Everyone knows.” says Lem. “I’ve told my family about you.” He sighs. He smiles. The woman smiles and then turns away.

“But that’s so crass.” says Lacey.

“I’m drunk. And tired of lying. Everyone knows.” says Lem.

“Well, it isn’t something to be proud of.” says Lacey.

“You’re trapped. That’s how I see it.” says the woman.

Lacey takes a deep breath. “I can’t get my marriage to Joe annulled.” Lacey says.

“My mother doesn’t even care!” says Lem.

“Why do you even need to get married at this point? Just take your kids and run off.” says the woman. She stares at Lacey. She glares at Lacey.

“We fully support you.” says Lem’s brother without any other intended meaning.

“That means trusting you.” says Lacey. “Profoundly.”

Lem smiles. “I hoped you’d say that.”

The woman on the lap listening smiles.

“Well, time to go get on your yellow suit!” says Lem’s brother to Lem.

“Wasn’t it a pink suit?” asks the woman.

“The Great Gatsby?” asks Lacey.

“You remind them of Daisy.” Lem laughs.

“My interpretation of The Great Gatsby anyway.” says the woman.

“There’s a plane waiting if I ask them. With your two kids on board safely. I just have to ask.” says Lem.

“It might be safer to just leave.” says a man with a southern accent at the far end of the table.

“Why?” asks Lacey.

“In three years there’s an election. You’ll never get out if we don’t leave now.” says Lem. “Well, that’s not true. I’d never give-up.”

“How embarrassing.” says Lacey. She shuts her eyes.

“I’m not embarrassed. We love each other.” says Lem.

“Where in the world are you taking us?” asks Lacey.

“My brother has a friend in England. And your father has guaranteed us safe travel. Here. There. He’s not about to be bullied.” Lem grins.

Radio plays.

“Did my father have any concerns?” asks Lacey.

“He’s not worried. No. He’s just worried about you.” says Lem. “Your mom is ready to have a heart attack. But…she’s meeting us in London.”

They look at each other.

“She has the kids.” says Lem. “In Minneapolis.”

“Does Joe know where they are?” asks Lacey.

The woman looks at her wristwatch. “It’s 10:00. Shouldn’t they be asleep?”

“Why wouldn’t Joe know where they are?!” asks another woman listening now.

“He’s never going to get over it! …But I can see why you did it this way.” says Lem’s brother.

“It’s funny in a way. But I wonder if he’ll see it that way?” says the woman on the lap.

“He’ll think you’re childish probably. But…what can he do? She’s the mother.” says the man from the south.

“It’s not as if they’re monsters.” says the woman.

“Childish?” asks Lacey.

“You’re right. He’s probably too childish himself. It’s criminal what he did to you.” says the man from the south to Lacey.

“That Australian woman!” says the woman on the lap.

“But you love Lem more anyhow.” says another woman in her teens smiling in a dreamy manner. She looks taken by the idea.

“No, some things just aren’t funny.” says the woman listening by the door. “I hope that woman from Australia appreciates that you aren’t expecting her to lift her pinky when she arrives. She’ll be here in second the moment you leave with her kids. And then he’ll forget.”

“Then they’ll be my kids.” says Lem.

“Was she raising her kids in Australia?!” asks another woman.

“Mmm. I don’t know.” says the woman by the door.

“Well, funny he didn’t notice.” says Lem’s brother.

“My mother takes care of our kids regularly.” says Lacey.

“Someone ought to tell Joe to keep better track of such things.” says the man from the south.

“They’ll be fine. They’re with my mother.” says Lacey.

“Lacey, just say yes.” says Lem.

She becomes silent. Considers Lem. Looks at him.

“Okay.” says Lacey. “I don’t trust you. But I obviously desperately want to.”

“That doesn’t scare me. We’re leaving tonight.” he says. Then he rises to go make a phone call inside. It’s spring.

Lacey watches him disappear. She feels awkward. She gets up and follows him.

“Wonderful! We’ll be there tomorrow! Give them a hug.” says Lem.

“Lem.” says Lacey.

“Goodnight!” says Lem.

He hangs-up and then smiles at her. “We’ll be there by tomorrow but we need to leave from Philadelphia in an hour.”

“Who will drive us?” asks Lacey.

“Me.” says Lem. “My mother is packing a bag. We’ll be leaving in a half an hour.”

“The divorce will take forever.” says Lacey.

“My brother doubts that. So does your father.” says Lem.

“Even if it does we can just be married by a priest there I suppose.” says Lacey.

“I never thought I’d be lucky enough to get married. But really, I think it’s just you.” says Lem.

“Why?” asks Lacey.

“I always thought there was something wrong with me, you know. But…maybe I’d just have let myself go if I’d never met you. You’re never going to leave me. Right?” he asks crying.

“What if I did?” asks Lacey.

“I’d find some meaning. I always find meaning. But…I wouldn’t understand myself. Nothing makes sense without you.” he says.

“You don’t need me that much.” says Lacey.

“I’m not sure that’s true. I get lost. But somehow with you near me I don’t get lost. It’s not as if you’re my brain or my conscience. Or God. But you do remind me of all the things that keep me sane. And make me smile.” says Lem.

“You’d smile without me.” says Lacey.

“But I’d forget why. I’d forget the why for everything, including the reason for living.” says Lem. “Why?!” He thinks. “There are many lies. But you’re my why.”

“God is why.” says Lacey.

“But God was loving and gave me you.” he says. “I can’t imagine living a whole life without you as my reminder of why I breath. You’re not my life’s meaning. You’re my soul.” He looks at her. “My soul.”

“You’d not die without me. Right?” she asks.

He looks off into the sky.

Softcore by The Neighbourhood plays.

“I could. But there’s nobody I could love as much as you. And…I’d probably just spend my life following Jack around. And let him be my meaning. He’d let me. Ruin my life. …I’d do dumb things. Because I truly think I’d get that suicidal without you.” says Lem.

“You wouldn’t kill yourself if I died?!?” asks Lacey.

“No. That’s not honorable.” He smiles. “And there’s our kids.”

“And Heaven. Certainly.” says Lacey.

He smiles. “Yeah.” He looks up. “You wouldn’t cheat on me in Heaven?”

“With who?!” asks Lacey.

“It’s just a bad feeling I get.” he says.

“But who do I belong to?” asks Lacey.

“I don’t want to be selfish, if another man needs you more. But maybe it’s me.” he says smiling.

“You need to be far more certain than that.” says Lacey.

“I wouldn’t die. I’d just lose purpose.” He laughs. “And go insane.”

“Purpose?” asks Lacey.

“It’s hard to explain. But I need you. I don’t want to scare you.” he says.

“Need me?” she asks.

“Yes. It keeps me sane.” he says. “But it isn’t just sex. It’s knowing you can’t belong to anyone but me…at least just then. And that I fully possess you as much as any man can. …It’s funny. But if I can’t have you I’d rather forget who I am. Or try to.”

“That’s not loving.” says Lacey.

“It’s just so painful to think of you with any other man.” says Lem.

“But I’d not cheat.” says Lacey.

“Beautiful women cheat.” he says.

“Not me.” says Lacey.

“Let’s not talk about it any more. It’s just my worst nightmare.” he says.

“We have to go. Right?” asks Lacey.

“Yes. Let’s go ask my mother about our bags.” asks Lem.

On the drive.

“What do you mean you’d go insane?” asks Lacey.

“I don’t know. I’d likely just give-up.” he says. “Be a failure.” He thinks. “Maybe I’d believe I was a homosexual enough to spend my whole life attempting to be that. Jack would encourage it. And I’d have no reason to not let myself live in a nunnery…serving his needs.”

“You’d just be his queer plaything?” asks Lacey.

“Yes. It’s not sex. But I’d never know the difference.” He laughs. “And I’d care less.”

“Would you enjoy that?” asks Lacey.

“No!” he says.

“Then why do it?!” she asks.

“Why not? You’re not there. And no one is like you. Not to me.” he says.

“That’s bound to fade. Right?” says Lacey.

“No. I doubt it.” he says.

“Is that wrong?” she asks.

“To love you that much?” he asks.

“Yes.” says Lacey.

“I think it’s just the way God made us.” he says. “I don’t want to be evil, but you are my answer to all the questions why. My soul, Lacey.”

“I’m confused. But I’ll listen.” says Lacey. “Prayerfully.”

Criminal by Eminem plays.

—