T. Ford Fabulous, A Model’s Perspective

Tom Ford possibly hates Lacey. The way Jack hates Lacey. Is it fiction or fact today?

“He created Rose Prick and Bitter Peach to mock her. To tell her to lighten-up.” says Mr. Blue. “He’s in my inner circle by extension. Creating insulting perfumes was a psychological power move to intimidate and harass her. But also to try to deeply embarrass her. Because she gets our psychological makeup but we never get hers because we’re too narcissistic to.”

“Tom! Oh dahling! You remind me soo much of my precious Lem!” says Lacey. “He liked penises up his asshole too. Just like you!!! And you look so much alike!” to Tom.

Wobbly tried to set Lacey up with Jim Carey in her sleep. “That’s the guy I imagine her being attracted to!!!” he says.

“Yeah! I recommended Jim Carey for her too!” says Tom Ford.

“I don’t find Jim Carey remotely attractive. He’s smart and a man but that’s about it.” says Lacey. “He’s not my type at all.”

“Dick Van Dyke in his middle-age looks like a sex god to her compared to Jim Carey!” says a man, seriously.

“True. And it’s not that I’m ‘into older men.’”says Lacey.

“You had Lacey cast as loved passionately by Joe. But you also cast a straight man who actually does resemble Lem to play in your movie about Lem.” says a bisexual living man. “George isn’t real Tom. Colin Firth is either in the closet or he’s straight and…if he’s straight you’re fucked-up.” He seethes. “You don’t understand…her sexuality. At all!”

“She’s not some icy cold lesbian and the grossly jealous haters who desperately long to make her that seem pathological in their narcissism at this point. You seem sick.” says a man who honestly believes Lacey could be slowly dying. Not the way normal people do but because the bullshit creators and lovers in the New Age Illuminati don’t have much common sense or possibly sense at all.

“Tom Ford you’re ugly compared to Lacey. Truly hideous. Really. And I say that as the genius I actually am.” says Karl Lagerfeld. “You’re a vain, obsessed twat!”

“You find Lem attractive. Don’t you? …But you know…Colin Firth really is a weird casting move. So is Julianne. She’s the redhead version of Lee and Jackie.” Lacey says. “Where am I?”

“Our mother is butt ugly compared to you Lacey and Wobbly is profoundly narcissistically enraged by the thought that Lem doesn’t want his mommy.” says a man.

“Yeah, I have a busted body compared to her too. But I get men more. Because I try.” says a Katie.

“And you look like them and think like them.” says Lacey to the Katie.

“Tom…she’s right. Where is Lacey? In England?” asks an actress. “If reincarnation is in Christianity, we’ll say…you picked an Englishman.”

“Tom that’s real. …Why did you?! And where’s Lacey in your sex-movie about Lem? Sweetie it’s glorified fan-fiction.” an actress says to Tom. “I wonder. Have you ever thought this through?” She thinks. “Actually, Matthew Goode creeps me out too.”

“Or did you know Lem was possibly straight?!?” Lacey wonders.

“What if I got into New Age…and…I was trying to be intuitive about my choice of Colin Firth?” Tom says to Lacey.

“Like…paint what you see not what you think you see?” asks Lacey.

“Yes. I might have thought a straight actor needed to play the role inspired by Lem to get down his particular vibe. Even though he was a closeted gay man. …I thought.” says Tom Ford.

Lem sighs, exasperated.

“You asked people to pay attention to you.” Lacey says to Lem.

Lem looks unconvinced of her argument.

“I just don’t like the attention!” says Lem sharply to the Illuminati.

“Why did you ask for it then?!” protests Lacey.

He glares at her. “I’m still mad at you, for sleeping with someone else!” he says to Lacey.

“But my argument makes sense.” says Lacey.

“You wanted to rip Colin Firth’s clothes off and screw-him that entire film.” Lem says to Lacey. “That’s why.”

He looks at her.

“I understand advertising.” Lem says to Lacey.

“Lem did you inspire the casting of Colin Firth?” asks an actress.

“Yes! She found him very English and was starting to see him as her type.” says Lem. “The type of man who would love her.”

A moment later.

“I may have thought, ‘It has to be him. She’ll understand that way.’” says Lem.

“So you never believed the character was actually gay?” asks Tom Ford of Lacey.

Jump Around by House of Pain plays.

“I’m not impressed. You just aggravated her.” says Michael to Lem. “No!! Of course not!” he says to Tom Ford.

“Lem…are you jealous of Michael?” asks an actress of Lem.

“I’ll answer that later.” he says.

“Let’s be adults.” says Lou Hill. “If Lacey had seduced him…had you been remotely able to cast her…it would have turned into a literal pornographic film.”

“She’s not a Jew.” says a Colin of Lacey to speak poetically. “Joe Jr., you knew that? Right? Or did Mad Men confuse you?”

Karl Lagerfeld nods in understanding.

“Was it her ex-husband? Was that what confused you all?” a Jewish actress asks of the Kennedy’s.

“No, I think it’s the fact that people mindlessly attack me. And it’s unclear why.” says Lacey. “He’s don’t really seem laughable either. And they tend to look white. I suppose that’s baffling to them?”

“I agree.” says a living Norwegian aristocrat to Lacey.

“Lem let’s get back to business.” says Michael.

The Next Episode plays.

“I’d not have done that. Why are you torturing her? …Of course she’ll throw herself at you with sublime elegance. Rock your world.” Michael says to Lem. “But why do choose that?”

Lem thinks.

“I wanted her to see through the bullshit.” Lem says.

“But she’s not like that. It’s humiliating to her.” says Michael.

“I think I thought the love between her and Joe was far more important than it was.” says Lem. He sighs, feeling a bit defeated. “But I did seduce her. After all.”

“Yes! You did, come to think of it.” says Michael. “So did I.”

“So…that fantasy Joe had of her throwing herself at him was an insult to her soul.” says Michael. “But she tolerates it to be kind.” Michael fumes. “It’s complete rubbish, Lem.”

“Lem, they cast an Englishman not a homosexual to play the role. You do understand?” asks Evelyn Waugh. “An iconic Englishman.”

Lem is perpetually floored these days.

“Lem…she likes us.” says Michael to Lem. He sighs. “Lem…what if Joe was faithful?”

Lem rises to Lacey’s defense, “She’d not have cheated! She’d have given herself to him entirely! Always.”

“Yes! But she’d have noticed us. Fought off the temptation. Successfully. But she would have secretly wanted you anyway. It just would have been treated like a mosquito in her ear.” says Michael.

Lem sighs.

“She acquired the taste for men like Joe.” says Michael.

Lem cries.

“It didn’t come to her naturally.” says Michael.

Lem fumes. Reincarnation might not be a thing in Christianity.

“But that’s not the point. We are her type.” says Michael. He laughs. “How many times has she thrown herself at your mercy?”

“Umm…Lost Cherry was psychically inspired by Lem?” asks a perfume hater.

Lem looks grim.

“It works.” says Michael.

“Many times.” says Lem.

Michael nods. “Then, Lem…why?”

“Because they’re the Kennedy’s, Michael.” Lem says. “Surely, you’ve heard of them.”

“And you couldn’t resist the Kennedy’s?” asks an English actress.

“No!!” yells Lem, losing his temper.

“Fine. But then explain.” says Michael.

Transgender by Crystal Castles plays.

“Joe and Jack are trying to kill her. Or demons impersonating them are.” says Lem.

“Why did you let them?” asks Michael.

“Because we’re supposed to love the peasant Irish.” says Lem. “In America.”

A supposedly embarrassing sex scene between two English royals plays in Lacey’s mind against her will. Kick watches as well. I I hi hi hi hi

“But the English killed Kick and Joe.” says Michael. “Through their sexual appetites run amok while in England.”

“What’s so embarrassing about that sex scene?” Lacey asks Kick.

“They’re so…out of control.” says Kick, seriously.

“That’s normal!” says Lacey.

“How is that sexy?” she asks disdainfully.

“Because when you fall in love you lose yourself to the other person. You lose control. They’re just them losing themselves to each other, possibly.” says Lacey. “It’s ordinary, Kick.”

“My brother never lost himself to Pat!” she says.

“I highly doubt that.” says Lacey.

“No, he didn’t!” says Kick.

“Did you watch them?!?” asks Lacey.

“I’m being catty!” she says. “No, you’re right. I didn’t.”

“Kick, who are you being catty to?!?” asks Lacey.

She thinks. “You.”

“How?!?” asks Lacey.

“I wasn’t that sexually stupid!! I knew that kind of love!!!” says Kick, seething.

“I doubt that!” says Lacey.

Kick looks embarrassed. “How would you know?!” she asks.

“Because there are stories most likely shared by you about your own sexual inadequacy. And…it’s just a vibe you give off. Sorry, if I’m wrong.” says Lacey.

“I didn’t know what I was doing.” says Kick.

“But there’s no real excuse for that.” says Lacey. “You’re either repulsed and being raped or molested. Although sometimes those victims can be psychologically and physically tricked. …But…an adult shouldn’t be so grossly ignorant.”

Kick looks as if she’s trying to restrain herself.

“I might have married for prestige.” says Kick.

“I hope your mother didn’t molest you.” says Lacey.

In Limbo plays.

“You really don’t think it’s normal to be so confused? As a virgin. On your wedding night?” she asks. “In the 1940’s?!”

“I doubt it.” says Lacey.

She cries.

“Why?!” she asks.

“Because it’s instinct.” says Lacey.

“Based on what?” she asks.

“What comes naturally to you. If you’re in love it’s natural instinct.” says Lacey.

“I think I had natural instincts towards a few boys my age back in Boston.” she says.

“But you told people you were in love!!” says Lacey.

“I thought I was.” she says.

Southern Hospitality from Requiem For A Dream plays.

Louis demands respect. He already has it from Lacey.

“Why?” asks Lacey.

“Because it’s bullshit!” says Kick. Is she breaking?

“What is?” asks Lacey.

“Sex. Is nothing.” says Kick.

“Kick, stop mocking me.” says Lacey.

“No, I honestly might still struggle with feeling like it’s all a joke.” says Kick.

“Where are those boys from Boston?” asks Lacey.

Kick cries. Looks bitter.

“They’re all taken?!” asks Lacey.

“Mostly.” she says.

“Kick, have you talked about this with God?” asks Lacey.

“Yes! It’s overwhelming.” she says.

“That’s great, though. Listen…I bet there’s some guy you’d love. Regardless.” says Lacey.

“Yeah. You’re right.” she says.

A rapper listening rolls his eyes. Sighs.

“Does Kick seem brash to you?” asks a witch.

“No. She seems conceited and bourgeois.” says Lacey harshly.

“There’s something there that’s supposed to seem brash.” says the witch.

“She seems…defiant in an Irish-American way.” says Lacey. “Is that it?”

“Yes!” says the witch. “You’re right. It’s similar to the English defiance. But it’s Irish-American.”

“Why did they label it brash?!?” asks Lacey. “That’s obnoxious!”

“It sounded exciting and new.” says J. P. from the last week.

“Not just like a typical cultural phenomenon?” asks Lacey.

“Yes.” he says.

Big Energy by Latto plays.

Joe Sr. laughs.

“Is this song about you or Michael?” asks Lacey.

He laughs.

Kick is long gone.

Joe Sr. thinks. He sighs.

“Is Tom coming on to me?” Joe Sr. listens to the song and asks.

Lacey laughs.

“Well, I mean. These days.” he says.

“No. Sorry. I highly doubt it.” says Lacey. “I don’t think my dad found men attractive.”

“Not even nowadays?!” he asks.

“You think they think people can be made gay?” asks Lacey.

“Yes! They’re hicks.” he says.

“That’s too bad.” says Lacey.

They listen to the song.

“Do you care at all whether this is about you or Michael?” asks Lacey.

“They won’t understand that question.” he says.

Me And My Husband by Mitski plays.

“I do!!” says Lem.

“Oh come on. You create drama just to make me seem less boring.” Lacey says to Lem.

Lem looks sad. He thinks.

“It gets boring to come on to me. Over and over again. So you had to create drama to be less bored?” asks Lacey.

Lem laughs.

“No! That’s not what’s happened!” says Lem.

“Then what’s all this rot about men’s penis sizes now?” asks Lacey. “Honestly, I think people are just incredibly bored.”

Michael laughs and agrees.

“No! Let’s talk about it. It’s fun to categorize things!” says Joe Sr..

Lacey yawns.

“Well, obviously I’m struggling to swallow from being thrown down the stairs. So something went wrong.” she laughs. “Darn.” She takes a deep breath. Thinks. Rolls her eyes in annoyance.

Hayloft by Mother Mother plays to mock her but it ends up mocking the haters instead.

“Hayseeds. Because your mother is a poor gold digging, heartless whore.” explains Louis kindly.

Ain’t Shit by Doja Cat plays to suggest Lacey is homosexual again. They are struggling to get an ego trip today.

“No, I’m sorry. She’s straight.” says Lem. …”It’s just a simple techno trick to control Pandora. Why would they tell you the truth?!? Should they exist?!?” he says to readers.

(Adult content below)

“Let’s categorize.” says Joe Sr. laughing.

Lacey laughs.

“Let’s see. You’re long but not wide.” she starts. “Men do the same thing to women and other men all the time. It’s cliche. Here’s a taste for you all of your own medicine.” She smiles. “Take it or you just wimpy, cheap hoes. Non?! Or dim, frigid, sexless wizard wannabes?”

Let’s make this readable:

Joe Kennedy Sr.: Uniquely long penis, but lacks girth. Great endurance. Gets distracted by internal conflict. Tells lies out of a combination of fear, low-level love and desperation.

My Ex Husband: Average. Could be great in deed but was too emotionally distant with me to handle that much closeness. Had a natural ability to be good at sex, regardless.

Louis Hill Jr.: Better than average. Profound in general. Incredibly giving. …Sensitive too. Unfortunately, so kind and loving he gives too much to women who don’t necessarily always deserve it. And then his all too rare strengths become a weakness.

Michael Rockefeller: Gifted. Wild, daring, brilliantly insightful. Constant fidelity. Inescapable if you’re fortunate or unfortunate, depending on how he and God see it. Truly inescapable. A rare genius. Not perverted…just…truly inescapable if he so chooses.

Outro by M83 plays.

Harold Loeb: Average. Very intellectual. Very good at giving himself physically when he cares. Sensitive. Brilliant. Takes it beyond the obvious. Understands it’s far more than what we’re told. Transcendent love (Although it was unclear how much he loved me even if the love was actually quite transcendent, which sounds odd if he’s a ghost? But the love he offered was…beyond our conscious mental restraints.)

Elliott Roosevelt: Absolutely perfect. Arguably the best in objective skill. Loving, reassuring, sensitive. Incredibly masculine. Deep. Complex by not confounding. Elegant. …Actually, I married him but his ex-wives broke us up. Regardless, he’s possibly an expert, if they exist, at sex in marriage.

The Funeral by Band of Horses plays.

Joe Kennedy Jr.: (Once, when I made the mistake of thinking it still made sense but before his father. *eye-roll* I’m not a pedophile. I didn’t plan to sleep with Joe Sr. or think that was even a real thing in actuality when it happened.) Below average, unfortunately. Very passionate but it’s unclear for what reason. Possibly loving to perfection or possibly a completely heinous (albeit very good) liar. Possibly completely self-focused. Claimed in self-righteous indignation to be a virgin waiting for marriage who died single. “I was never married!” he said with accusatory innuendo. …But it’s possible based on historian’s oral history of his sexual exploits according to him that he had many sexual conquests, in reality. In the end he was too confusing and he seemingly eventually lied in general, at least. …He had so many inductions of greatness but it was not great.

“What about the two times? He started trying to have sex to completion with you while I was with you, I thought.” says Lem to Lacey.

…He tried raping Lacey? He said, “You just want to get raped?!” and she thought he didn’t mean actual real rape. So she allowed it since it was prefaced with the argument that there’d been a misunderstanding between them and she truly belonged to him. It was far more passionate than the first and only time? It was as if they were losing themselves to each other, but then it disappeared. Possibly because she questioned it on moral grounds due to her love for Lem. It seemed odd that if she belonged to Joe he was stealing her from Lem so it stopped. Like, “Why are suggesting all of a sudden this is an affair if I belong to you in this supreme way?” It was more heartfelt and skillful that time certainly, but…it still felt suspicious. Possibly the “winner”…but then again possibly a cruel lie. Joe Jr. is astronomically convincing when he wants to be, whether it’s a lie, a truth or a combination of both.

Lem Billings: Somewhat above average, seemingly…but forceful enough to compensate for any other possibilities. Beyond living. Poets try to grasp men like him but fail. One drop of his love leaves you permanently changed. It’s everything. No one I’ve ever met loves as deeply in any way, other than Michael should I belong to him and my own children (not in a sexual way in regard to my kids). Lem’s love in every respect is like finding oxygen in outer space, in temperate air. It’s…sublime. As a woman to be loved by him would be a rare gift in the existence of humanity. Sadly, all too rare. Tragically rare. Actually, the scarcity of love like his love is proof of a fallen world.

Having written all that Lacey takes a deep breath, bites the side of her bottom lip and thinks. It’s such fucking bullshit but it’s not supposed to be.

Happy Home by Wild Belle plays.

“Shake your ass Jack! You won!! Unless Lem or God protest! Who gives a shit what he wanted. You got a drop of his romantic love by deceiving him. Regardless.” She walks up to Jack. “You won!!!! You crazy bitch!” She cheers him on. “I’m not a poor loser, Jack. I just want to exist. Sorry, if that’s offensive to your likely derangement. I’ll go be with Michael now, for eternity. That’s what you and Lem decided. Unless Lem or God decide otherwise. Or unless you never tasted his soul as a lover. But I’m under the impression you did?”

Jack looks uncomfortable.

“I decide otherwise!” he says.

“No! That’s illegal. Totally impossible.” says Lacey.

“You don’t know that!” he accuses her.

“Yes, but I do too.” says Lacey.

“So it’s entirely up to them?” he asks an angel.

“It’s up to them, Jack!” says Lacey.

The angel agrees with Lacey, but Jack doesn’t like it.

Jack pouts.

“Jack why do you care?!” asks Lacey. “Sometimes I think you and I are that only ones who care this much.”

“No, I know it’s not at all because we’re in love.” he clarifies for readers.

“That’s the problem. It feels like your hatred of me and passion for Lem in a seemingly evil way outweighs any love they have or had for me.” says Lacey. “It’s dysfunctional.”

Jack smiles. “Well, at least someone cares that you exist passionately.”

They consider.

“You deserve his love more than I ever did. To infinity and beyond.” says Jack to Lacey.

“I know.” she says.

“Maybe he’s just jealous?” Jack shrugs.

Lacey rolls her eyes.

“So it’s Michael?” Jack asks, HORRIFIED but trying to conceal it.

“Yeah. So far.” says Lacey. “I mean, I don’t decide either. You know? …And I didn’t realize it was Michael until talking this through.”

“You realize Lem loves you, right?” Jack asks with cruel reserve.

“Gee, it’s nice having someone who cares to talk to.” says Lacey.

“Yeah! What I did to you was pure Hell. …But I really did commit to it with wild abandon.” says Jack.

“It’s just nice to feel noticed for who I am.” says Lacey.

“Even to destroy your entire existence?” he asks. “Out of petty jealousy and class rage?”

“Actually, those are such trifling reasons in the grand scheme of things. It kind of makes your profound evil more meaningful.” says Lacey.

Cruelly, “Does it outweigh what the molester did to you?!”

Lacey thinks, “Yes!!” She thinks. “You are the most evil man to exist in my existence possibly. Isn’t that something?!? Because-You know, you dovetailed on the abuse though. So that evil still wins. I think you personally just are that Satanic and horrific in my experience of existence should this be true.” says Lacey to Jack. Wobbly tries to make it cool and powerful to be that secretly evil, like a medically retarded person. Lacey resists and embarrasses him to try to help him.

“I’m not responsible if anti-Irish hatredgcomes back.” says Jack lying. “I’m not-I’m not an embarrassment to the Irish!! I’m their pride and joy!”

“Huh. What’s so scary about Michael?” asks an Irishwoman of Jack.

“He’s not a Rockefeller!” he says, freezing.

“Okay, I get it. Lacey’s an idiot!” say his followers in their spirits, smiling like they’re grown children overtaken by sadistic clown demons.

“We channel the energy of your molesters to control you.” explains the Illuminati Satanists who are…incredibly dumb.

“Yeah…there’s something ignorant and incompetent about your spiritual logic.” explains an Englishwoman.

“Why?!” they ask her.

“Are you Irish? Do you hate your country? Why?! You’re so destructive!” says Lacey. “You’re not working in your best interest.”

The Illuminati tries to kill Lacey by torturing kids. Causing them to choke. In poor countries, thinking that will work to control her.

“She’s right. You’re temporarily torturing us. But essentially damning yourselves to worse. For no reason. Just you’re too dumb to function as more than a human robot-animal with no conscience.” says Summertime Sadness.

“Okay! Too much evil.” says the Satanist. “I swear I didn’t screw-up originally in this situation.” He’s not to be trusted, but he adds, “I don’t think Lem is clearly rejecting her. It’s more that he’s-“ *he shrugs*

Jack makes a play to steal Michael. Then make Louis meaningless. It doesn’t work.

Lacey cries. Because…Queen Elizabeth II cares. In a loving way. In a real way. As a friend for Lacey. And whatever goodness was present in Lacey’s childhood reigns Lacey in. She takes a breath.

Bette Davis smiles. “You’ll be fine.” she says to Lacey, because of God.

“I DIDN’T ASK TO BE MOLESTED!!!!!!” Lem yells at Jack.

“I DIDN’T MOLEST YOU!!!” Jack yells in response.

“Wanna bet?!” laughs Lem.

“You wanted that.” says Jack smiling.

Lem freezes. “Are you braindead or mentally disabled?”

“I’m neither. You thought you were gay and I indulged.” says Jack.

“The truth is…I WAS MOLESTED!!!” Lem yells.

“I think you loved me though?” asks Jack.

Lem feels like vomiting. He fights the urge.

“No. I wasn’t ever in love with you.” He vomits. “But I gave you my love. More than I’ve given Lacey.”

Jack looks horrified.

“Did you try to make love to him in a way you haven’t to me?” Lacey asks.

“Close… Yes!” says Lem. He shocks himself.

“That’s why I slept with other men. Why did you attack me?” Lacey asks. “I could sense you were cold as ice underneath.”

“But I didn’t-It didn’t feel good. Ever. And…I ignored that. It felt…gross.” says Lem, protesting. “And I think Jack knew.”

“How does one try to give themselves so much over and over with no success?” asks Lacey.

“I never had success. True. But…I kept trying.” Lem says. “I never orgasmed, actually. Jack did often. And he got the literal life God ordered for you. He got all the love Earth had for you through me.” Lem says horrified.

“Yeah! Exactly. So…that’s why I slept with other men.” says Lacey. “I wonder if it even did any good though in regard to you?

“But I didn’t even enjoy myself!!” says Lem, yelling at Lacey.

“At all?” asks Lacey.

“No! That’s how he stole your life. I refused to give-up on being homosexual. I thought it was my only chance at happiness given what I experienced being molested and misunderstanding it.” says Lem.

“So it just didn’t work out?” Michael asks Lem.

“Being gay?!?” asks Lem.

“Yeah!” says Michael.

Sky Took Hold by Grizzly Bear plays.

“No. I wasn’t gay!” says Lem.

“I was, as a bisexual. Whether that’s allowed in Heaven or not. And…I don’t get why you think Jack was hot. For real.” says Michael.

“I wasn’t attracted to men.” says Lem.

“You pretended to be!” yells Michael.

“In the matter of sex?” asks Lacey.

“Turn off this channel. The English win. As always. I’m ready for a nap!” says an English actor.

“I want to find out though!” protests Lacey.

The man shrugs. “Fine!”

Lacey calms herself.

“I didn’t in sex. I did let him rape me. But I didn’t fully realize that acting flirty would lead to sex.” admits Lem.

“My God!” says Michael horrified, repulsed and calling on God. It’s a fair assessment possibly, but Lacey worries it’s a bit snobby.

“You let him rape you?” asks Lacey.

“Yes. It was real rape. But I kept going back for more because I’d been molested and I thought me always being caught off-guard and fighting it was just normal for me. …Sort of like, I flirt to be sexual. Or really seen as sexual. I wasn’t sexual. …And…Jack decided when it would happen and I thought I was a problem child for him, in a way. Like…I never get the moment right. I never know when it’s seemingly the right moment.” says Lem.

Lacey considers running to Michael out of fear and love for him. But the English suggest cautious restraint.

“There was no so-called, ‘sexy time’ for us. It was always a shock. And I was psychologically battered and embarrassed into performing mechanically orally or otherwise.” says Lem.


Colorblind plays. It isn’t Joe Jr. singing anymore, thank God. It’s literally been his voice for at least months? Years? In reality. She hasn’t heard the real song for a while. …Every song where a man solos has been sung by Joe Jr. for a while…

“That’s weird. When did that happen?!?” Lacey asks.

“It started all the way back in 2008.” says someone.

“They’ve been trying to pull you under for a while.” says someone else to Lacey.

“Is it the oil or what?” asks Lacey.

And in that moment as that real song plays…Michael realizes he has Lacey. If he wants her. Not because Lem has agreed. But because Lacey loves him. And she’s too tired of feeling like she’s carrying Lem with no real love returned. She feels like Lem is wasted on her because he must hate her? The way he treats her has been repulsive.

“When was I ever your problem? And yet you expect me up save you?” she says Lem. “I didn’t hurt you while you were alive. I slept with other men. But because of what you did.” says Lacey. “I suspect.”

“If you keep deciding that she’s-“ starts Rod.

“That’s not true, Lemmers. She’s vile!” says Jack.

Meanwhile Joe Jr. sings. And has to be repeatedly pushed off stage.

“Oh go chase a ball Joe and fall and break your whole body open.” Lacey says to Joe Jr..

“Hey, Lacey…he orgasmed. And when he did I almost gaged and threw-up every time. It hurt. It wasn’t sex. It was rape.” says Lem. “He got off! He got off and got off! And I…let him. And I…found it repulsive.” says Lem. “And then he’d force himself next to me and he’d fall asleep while I read a book…to ignore him. But not be mean.”

“That’s an awful lot of love.” says Lacey.

“You don’t hate me, do you?!” asks Lem.

“Why are you attacking me?” asks Lacey.

“Jack, why do you think that love was real?!” Lem asks Jack.

“Because it was profound! Like the Greeks and Romans! Two MEN!” says Jack.

“What about the women?” asks Lem.

“What about them?” asks Jack, stupidly.

“Well what if they give each other consensual orgasms? Mutually?” asks Lem.

“Women?” Jack scoffs. “Yeah Lem, okay!”

“They do it, Jack.” says Lem.

“But it’s not like having a penis.” says Jack.

“No, it’s entirely different.” says Lem.

And at that Jack realizes Lem has seen and known a vagina extremely well. A grown woman’s vagina. He makes a disgusted face.

“What?!? You’re not afraid of a vagina? It’s just a vagina!” says Lem.

Jack looks upset. He sits down and thinks.

“Jack, it’s a vagina. You’ve seen vaginas!” says Lem.

“I’ve studied them.” says Jack.

“Studied?!?” asks Lem.

Michael sits down next to Lacey. And forces her to grab a blanket and unwind.

If You Were Mine as sung by Billie Holiday plays.

“So what was your general reaction to the vagina?” Lem asks.

“You know, Lem. It’s-“ starts Jack trying to sound aroused.

“No! Lacey’s vagina was special. What did that vagina do for you?” asks Lem.

“You know, Lem you’re right. Lacey’s vagina was special.” says Jack, as if insinuating something pretentious about it.

“How would you know?!” Lem asks.

“I don’t know!!! Say! What is this?!?” Jack asks.

Lem looks confused. “Jack, vaginas. Tell me more! You saw so many.”

“Like black women, Lem?!” Jack asks, indignantly.

Harold looks upset. Lacey is perfect to him.

“This song!” says Harold.

“You’re right.” says Lacey.

“Lacey, it’s about you.” says Harold.

“But I’m the woman.” says Lacey.

He nods.

“It’s our song! Jack. It’s a song about a vagina. says Lem.

“That’s not funny.” says Jack.

“Jack! We need a permanent vagina. For you!” says Lem.

“We could get a plastic vagina!” jokes Jack.

“I like the adult kind that you can have sex with.” says Lem.

“No, you don’t!” laughs Jack.

“Oh, you don’t know how good they are. Especially when they get really wet and hot for you?!?” says Lem.

Jack is vaguely repulsed.

“What’s wrong?” asks Lem.

“Oh, I don’t know. They’re fine, I guess.” says Jack. “But it’s hard to get off on them like a proper man.

“Why?” asks Lem, eating a steak.

Jack laughs. “Good steak, huh?”

“It’s delicious! Not like a vagina. You ever eat a vagina?!” asks Lem.

“Jackie made me a few times.” says Jack.

Colorblind starts again.

“You ever watch Cruel Intentions?” asks Lem. “The sex scene is hot. I almost made Lacey cum in a scene I had like that in real life.”

“You’ve never made Lacey cum?!” asks Jack condescendingly.

Lem looks confused. “Sure, lots of times!”

“You know I struggled to make Jackie…ah…orgasm.” Jack says.

“That’s too bad. …I suppose you did tell me that, but I was too busy wishing I was dead.” says Lem. “I hated life. And I hated you.”

“That’s funny, Lem!” says Jack.

“Is it? I think you’re the joke.” says Lem.

“I’m confused!” says Jack self-righteously. “About what? Why you loved me so much when you apparently didn’t love me!”

“Why didn’t you love me?” asks Lem.

He parts his lips and looks sad and sultry. “I did.”

“I didn’t notice. When?!” asks Lem.

“Every time you came!” says Jack getting enraged.

“Jack, I never came. I had my first orgasm with Lacey. It was glorious.” says Lem.

“I loved you. We always bought you things.” says Jack.

“You bought me.” says Lem nodding. “I was your servant and sex slave.”

“You came!” insists Jack.

“That’s a laugh!” says Lem. He laughs.

“I never came for you.” says Jack.

“Oh really? Tell me more about your normal sex life with Jackie!” says Lem. “You were gay! And a violent, pedophilic bullshit artist!”

Jack looks caught. He smiles. Freezes.

“I don’t want to be crass, but you really don’t have a clue about the female body. You were a jealous, viciously deceitful man who HATED women. You loathed them.” says Lem.

“I-I-“ he responds.

“And the sad thing is…Lacey loved you.” says Lem. “She loved who you are. She still loves you.” He sighs. “Not your evil. You.”

Jack looks grim.

“But you didn’t know that as you fell for my lies. Because I hated you. I never actually liked you all that much even. You annoyed the crap out of me! And I hid it from you to try to be kind. And loving. …I was trying to be a good husband. …But I hated you. You were the bloodsucking leech spouse type.” says Lem.

Jack freezes, holding the television remote.

“You used every last drop of my soul and you didn’t deserve it. You say that but you don’t like it. No, Jack I really didn’t like you! You owe me an apology. And I apologize for lying to you about my feelings. And your family too. They don’t know. None of them. Not really. Not like this. Right?” He laughs. “Except this time I’m telling you to go fly a kite. Or whatever. It’s none of my business. I can’t stand the sight of you and your body. Your smug face! So self-satisfied and heartless. …You’ll go into Kennedy denial mode now? Huh? …Jack, I never loved you. I never loved you. None of those times. In none of those photos. When I laughed. So wide and gay? So FAKE!” He seethes. “And now I’m going to kill you!”

Lacey is shocked. She’s enjoying feeling shock. It’s an usual experience for her.

Lem reaches over, grabs Jack’s head and shakes it.

Michael walks in Lacey’s room.

“Water!” says Michael.

Lacey goes to get spa

Jack then has his head attacked.

Michael wraps his arm around Lacey. “Do you think Lem would mind if I rested my head on shoulder?” she asks.

“Can I choke her?” Jack asks Satan about Lacey.

“Yeah! Try it!” says Satan.

“It’s not often I get a chance to talk with Satan and he’s good company in terms of my sin life.” says Jack.

Lem then kills-

“If you rest your head on my shoulder it’s going to mean so much to me.” says Michael.

“I’m exhausted.” says Lacey.

“I’ll hold you!” he says.

Then Lem kills Jack. Lem laughs at his dead body. Kicks it. Writes a letter explaining to those who read things that suggest they were lovers that they weren’t.

And since Lacey isn’t and never was Jack nor Scott nor Zelda nor Athalia this has been a shock.

Turns out Lacey has been fascinated by GATX for many years. She recalls seeing it in coverage of Wallstreet reports over the years many times and always being fascinated by it. Wondering what it was. Wondering what it stood for. Wondering why she was enthralled by it.

“There it is again!” she’d say to herself every tune she watched CNBC or CNN covered the news from Wallstreet. …It was never clear what it was but something drew her to it, like she could almost be sucked into a porthole through the abbreviation GATX flickering by itself.

Maybe it started in…junior high? Or high school? High school. Junior or senior year.

Oddly, she’s never wondered enough to look it up. That felt too scary…

“Louis was that you? Or Lem? Or who?!” asks Lacey.

“Me.” says Lem.

“Why?” asks Lacey.

“I still care about the Stock Market.” he says.

“It was me too.” says Louis.

“And me.” says his brother.

“And me.” says Louis’ grandfather.

“It’s been fascinating for a while.” says Michael.