This morning as Lem made love to Lacey he struggled to comprehend how he finds himself on the wrong side of things. As in, the wrong side of her love.
i’m yours sped up by Isabel LaRosa plays.
Lacey would never sing i’m yours…possibly ever.
It’s absolute bullshit to her.
And as the conceited, bitchy, perversely self-important, naive sounding shrew sings the song…Lacey wishes her and her imaginary boyfriend well.
Casi shakes her ass. This her beat. Because of course her relationship with her husband resembles this song.
“Do you think this song is reality?” a reporter asks Mr. Blue.
“Ahh…yes!” says Mr. Blue. He’s exercising. Gotta look good naked for his bitches and hoes.
“How in the world is that song possible…if you’re such an asshole who doesn’t believe in true love?” asks JP Kennedy.
“Because women are mindless. They’re complete idiots. And it’s why we love them.” says Mr. Blue.
“Yeah! That’s what was wrong with Lacey. She figured me out. I don’t want a wife who understands me. Ewww! That’s like a dude!” says Joe Jr.. “It’s emasculating.”
“Cheers!” says Michael Rockefeller to Lem. “This is why I’m still here, you asshole!”
“So you learned early in life…that love was a…lie.” says Lem to Lacey.
“How is thinking this song is ludicrous a lie?” asks Lacey.
“I get it.” says F. Scott Fitzgerald to Lem. “This woman sounds like a narcissistic drug addict to Lacey.”
“Almost certainly yes.” says Lacey.
“I think she’s in love.” says Lem.
“No! She’s a self-important shrew.” says Lacey. “Lem! You’ve never told me I’m ‘So pretty it hurts. And I actually am.’”
Michael laughs. “She’s right.” Michael thinks. “That woman is mildly ugly. But she believes she’s…shockingly beautiful. And Lacey actually has been. Her whole life.” He thinks. “When has ANYONE ever told her they wanted to get to know her in a genuine way?!”
“Never.” says Lem.
“And I suppose if a guy actually tried that hard to be with me in a sincere way…I’d believe I belonged to them. But no one ever has.” says Lacey. “Truthfully…this song is also ludicrous because he’s giving her a rare love…few experience…and then that’s not good enough for her. What the HELL is she looking for?? Drugs?! Fame?! God?!?”
Lem sighs. “Yeah.”
“And then…give her narcissistic black hole…we’re left wondering if her boyfriend pushed himself to be loving…but…maybe went too far. And was lying?” asks Lacey.
“Or if she’s insane?” asks a perfume hater.
“I think I misunderstood your attention.” Casi says to Lacey.
“Oh!! That’s funny. Except not for you. Poor thing. You’re deranged?” says Lacey to Casi.
“I’m a narcissist. I thought the impossible, bizarre love I look for was what Lacey wanted. That’s why all American liberal media told her age was batshit crazy or backward in 2016 for wanting love.” says Mr. Blue exercising.
“Yeah! We all took turns telling her she was perverse or stupid for wanting love.” says NBC.
“Yeah. Love at all.” says Lem. “Except she didn’t believe you. And she just assumed you were all crazy. Or brainwashed. …I think I know what she’s believes love is.”
Young And Beautiful by Lana Del Rey plays.
“Lacey has never been ‘young and beautiful.’ This song is…impossible for her to relate to.” says Lem. “She’s still extremely beautiful now. And she’s almost 40.”
“Of course she is. She makes Jackie look like a posed buffoon. Or an absolute piece of shit. Ethel too. Same for Joan.” says Joe Kennedy Jr. smugly.
“But you’re still not faithful.” says Lem.
Joe looks at him baffled. “Of course not!”
Lem smiles. “Why? You’re not queer almost at all if at all?”
“No!!” Joe laughs.
Lem stares at him, in shock.
“I don’t want to be faithful, so I’m not.” says Joe.
“Why?” asks Lem.
“It’s boring.” says Joe Kennedy Jr..
bitches broken hearts by Billie Eilish plays.
“And you taught her everything she knows about love at all?!??” asks Lem.
“DUH!!!” yells Joe Kennedy Jr.. “Well…the love she EVER receive. From ANYONE other than God, possibly. …Nobody has ever contradicted me. Including you. It’s why she’s so close to death right now. You.”
“Your family has silenced me.” says Lem to Joe Jr..
“You should have accounted for that.” says Michael.
“So what have you taught her?” asks Lem.
“I can explain. I understand almost perfectly.” says F. Scott Fitzgerald.
The Less I Know The Better by Tame Impala plays.
“Okay. So…I have to explain.” says Joe. “She’s never mine. And…I don’t give a fuck. But…she’s incredibly hot. Like…really hot. …The hottest. And because I like winners and wining…a lot…I respect that. She wins. I like wining fair and square. And to be honest she always wins. I know. I can tell. So can you. So can everyone. …And…so…I want to fuck her. And because she wants love…and she can love me…she gets something out of me wanting to fuck her. That’s the only way she’s ever been loved at all by any man. She just wins. She’s a HUGE WINNER. But…that’s all she gets. My award. Not my heart.” he says and then he thinks. “Honestly…that’s not true. She actually loved me Lem. Almost unconditionally and uncontrollably. And…that along with my pity makes me love her some.” He thinks. “And I so I do love her. I love her for being the best. And being acceptable to me in general. And I love her for caring about me. That was a wise choice. I respect that. And…I love her for…being so pathetic. Poor thing.”
“You’re not being serious?” says Lem.
“No! I’m being completely serious.” says Joe.
Lem thinks. “Jackie used to think that if she was prettier Jack would love her. Is that true?”
“Yes!! Of course it is.” says Joe.
“What if Lacey stopped being so beautiful?” asks Lem.
“That’s actually genuinely impossible.” says Joe. “But she’d cease to exist to me, mostly.”
“And you’re her definition of love?! That she can receive?!? For eternity?!” asks Lem.
“My love is all she knows can exist for her.” says Joe. “Lem…how do you not already understand this?!”
“And then you expected her to automatically know how much you loved her!” Red Fay laughs at Lem.
“So Joe…I’m confused. She can still love?! Genuinely!? But she has no conscious concept of what it means to be loved for her??” asks an author.
He thinks. “Of course she can still love!” he says. “Ask Lem!” He thinks. “Ask anyone!”
“Yes! She’s brilliant at being loving!” says a Caesar. He had eyed Lacey for a while.
“So…she just thinks love for her is only ever given as an award?” asks Lem. “And it’s obviously only extremely tenuous at best. Based on other people’s moods and her mistakes, etc.. But she still has a secure attachment style?” He thinks. “And…she’ll stay if she’s needed.”
“Yes! But she’s perfect. Or trying. So…she can be secure. Because she’s so brilliant and tough and rare.” says Joe.
“So…you can love her for being perfect like you?” asks Pat Wilson of Joe.
“Yes! Almost. She’s not quite perfect yet.” says Joe Jr..
“Why would anyone agree to that who’s not a narcissist?” ask most men and women alive.
“Because she’s never been loved.” says Casi. “At least not beyond three months or two months old.”
“But she can genuinely love? And she has a secure attachment style?” asks a perfume hater.
“YUP!” says Tucker Carlson.
“Yes!” says Lem.
“The Queen didn’t struggle to relate to her.” says Louis.
“So that’s the thing. She’s better than you.” says Joe Kennedy Jr.. “She makes you all feel like worthless pieces of shit by comparison. And you are.”
Low Five by Sneaker Pimps plays.
“But she doesn’t see us that way?” asks a rockstar.
“Yeah. What of it?” asks Joe Kennedy Jr..
“I’m not Jack…you losers.” he says.
“So…she loves us. For real. No gimmicks.” says a Hispanic woman.
“Yeah!” says Joe. “For real.”
“And then you get to be evil. To an extent.” says a Hispanic woman.
“Mmm…you could call it evil. But…it’s…not ordinary evil.” he says.
“What is it?” asks the Hispanic woman.
“American evil.” says Joseph Kennedy Jr..
“And you…wanted to be our king?” asks NBC.
“Good job!” says Joe sarcastically, in irritation.
“And she actually loves us?! And we can’t hurt her?!” asks NBC.
“Yup! You have to let her love you.” says Joe.
“Except…she actually does.” says an American from PBS.
“Yeah! And you’ve all benefited from that. Her whole life. She’s for real.” says Joe.
“Okay. Fine.” admits a narcissist sincerely.
“But then…what happened to your excitement that she hasn’t been loved?! You were all so excited about that?” says Lem.
“Are we real?” asks the Illuminati.
“Are you?” asks God.
“You shouldn’t reject God.” says Lacey.
“Okay. Fine. You could have been king.” says a narcissist in the Illuminati to Joe.
“But when is she loved?” asks Lem.
“Seemingly never I guess?” says Lacey.
“ no I don’t think they understand that’s really her concept of love for her.” says Elsie Hill.
“ OK fine I told her she was an absolute piece of shit and she thought I might be able to love her for who she really is as a person combine with how she looks in her intelligence but I just told her she was an absolute piece of shit.” says Mr. Blue.
“ that makes no sense because that’s not what she is.”
“ yeah but she’s so like aware of that and if she’s not aware of that I just I can’t believe someone would actually think that they should be loved for how beautiful they are and how kind they are and how loving they are I mean because then like people who aren’t that good or that superior what are we supposed to do?
“ so let me get this straight you were mad that she thought you were too much of a nerd. Dad discover the illuminati, and that she thought you were just invented a code that resembles the illuminati. And then you were mad that she actually thought she deserve to be loved based on the standards that she meets in society?” asks the CIA.
“ yes because I don’t want to have to like admire her. Eww.” says Mr. Blue.
“ most living men would agree with you and women. Do you think it’s gross to have to admire someone who deserves it they also almost think it’s gross to have to care about children because their children go to work or to have to hold people accountable why do you guys not want to do anything that you’re supposed to do?
“ because that’s not the meaning of life!” says Mr. Blue.
“ what is the meaning of life then?” asks Joe.
“ the meaning of life is to get rich and be famous.” says Mr. Blue.
“ then how is she feeling? Why are you just worshiping her like she’s a goddess?” asks Joe.
“ honestly, I think some people almost have and do.” says an actor.
“ then what’s the problem?” asks Lem.
“ the problem is that Lacey wanted to be loved and you guys couldn’t handle that.” says Michael. “ Casi may have known and a part of her that she was full of shit and inferior to Lacey and not cared, but she couldn’t stand the fact that Lacey genuinely was better than her and most people and yet just wanted to be loved.”
“Yup.” says JD Rockefeller.
“ see this is where it becomes a class issue because there are great many women who are like Lacey or if there aren’t we think there should be and so does she and we’re not intimidated by that we’re not intimidated by ourselves doesn’t mean we get to become kings and destroy people.” says JP Morgan.
“ so that’s why she didn’t go to Wales?” asks Jill Schiebel.
“ yes because your son was not there, your stepson wasn’t there. He wasn’t in Wells. All she wanted was love. The only reason she was going to Wells was to find me one way or another whether I’m reincarnated or whether I was there in her mind, which is very interesting if it’s not reincarnation, but that’s what she was looking for Joe. She was just looking for love seat. Lacey came from all the money upper class America and she could’ve easily got an art history degree and been completely content class wise America has had a little messed up in its mind. Look at it this way her family is like quiet luxury upper class. And that’s the thing is she was just going there to find love she inherited hundreds of thousands of dollars Joe there was nothing left to prove her all she needed to do was just behave but what she didn’t have and doesn’t have is love.” says Lem.
“ and you can’t buy love obviously so she thought she’d find it in Wales?” asks Jill.
“ yes or somewhere in London she thought somehow she’d find love because England is love to her that whole country is like being loved when she’s there she feels loved Minnesota slightly like that to sub degree as well but being there was like being home if she’d ever been loved by a parent or a mother, it would feel like that slightly to her just being in the country feels like being home if she knew what that was and she does slightly which is why she has a secure attachment style. Her parents really are brilliant Jill. I’m not as dumb as I seem I really am being silenced. But she couldn’t imagine finding love there after finding your son, which is interesting, considering that I am from Swickley is that interesting Joe I am from Swickley and Maryland who else is from Swickley and Maryland you you were from Swickley when she found you.” says Lem.
“ so really she just wants to be on a farm with you?” asks Jill.
“ a nice upper class farm for the partial money family yes sort of like Louis farmer her father’s farm we would’ve had a better tear in Manhattan as well probably on the upper east side.” says Lem.
Jill laughs.
“So then she has no idea how to make money. It’s just it’s just there and her mind.” says Ken Schiebel.
“ no she knows how to keep money there’s a difference she knows how to keep money extraordinarily well.” says JP Morgan.
“ so she knows how to keep money, but not make money?” asks Jill.
“ she doesn’t understand what it means to be Laura class Jill she knows how to make money to some degree but that’s not what she understands from experience what she understands from experience is how to keep money see you’re quitting, not knowing how to make money Jill with being lower class and weak and lazy. She is not weak. She is not lazy and she’s not lower class but she’s never been poor in the way that you were growing up or still are subways today because Lacey keeps money. She’s like a well if you love her at all or care for her at all you end up accumulating an incredible amount of money, that’s just the way she’s made. Her last name is bakes possibly in heaven think I would’ve bank is Joe that’s her actual name with F Scott Fitzgerald said Zelda’s voice sound like money that was cheap shit compared to Lacey. She’s a fucking bank.” says Lem. “ she’s Lacey banks, the banks, banks, banking. But she was raised by the Craft’s, which makes it even more interesting.”
“ so that’s why her husband is stone cold, sober, committed, loving and incredibly decent because the more that he does that as loving towards her the more stable his life has become in the more comfortable he probably even his in his own skin to some degree.” says Jill.
“ well, they’re not even married but they have an incredibly great relationship. Yeah because that’s the way it works in this world she you invest in her and she pays off it’s like money in the bank.” says Lem.
“ put on I’m glad that he realizes that but it frustrates me that he doesn’t realize that she needs to be loved.” says Jill.
“ what was us the way young men were raised in the late 20th century Jill that’s how they were raised .” says Lem.
“ I don’t love just happens accidentally?” says Jill.
“ yes and that’s how it works for a lot of people but that’s not how it works for Lacey and I at all but she’s never met someone like me.” says Lem.
“ so that’s why her husband is so permissive because he feels guilty because he knows he doesn’t really love her as much as she needs if it all in a romantic way.” says Casi.
“ yes that would be why no he feels incredibly bad to a certain point he doesn’t fully recognize how miserable he’s made her life Joe and I neither do you, but that being said, there are very few men alive, who would be capable of loving her anymore and she knows that that’s part of the reason she was so devastated when I didn’t work with him.” says Lem.
“ and that would be why, if Mr. blue was channeling me what he did was so stupid because he’s not me I’m dead, but she didn’t know that she had no idea that there was an illuminati at least consciously and then there you go channeling me and by the way, bro, I’m I do not respect the way that you have conducted this today you’re not giving Lacey enough credit she really slept with me because she was so devastated by you and Jack are you going to get a fucking around that or not??” asks Michael.
“ so they’re close though?” asks Jill.
“ yes, they’re very close. He really does understand her at this point better than anyone else in life.” says Betty White.
“ I can’t handle her anger I don’t think anyone can.” says Jill.
“ why do you think that is?” asks Lem.
“ and when she gets angry, it’s just terrifying because I think everyone knows that she’s not really being loved and I don’t want to be honest about it.” says Jill
“ why is that?“ says Lem.
“ because then it’s like how does she exist because in our minds based on what we know about psychology, you have to be loved to be as well developed and Christian and real as she is.” says Jill.
“ yes and that is the American class system isn’t it and it’s not allusion because the truth is by threatening her people come into serious grave danger, but you wouldn’t know that because the people who are supposed to be there to show up to speak out on her behalf aren’t there in her own mind or physically in reality.” says Lem. “ but the irony is that people who are not like Lacey and get horribly taken advantage of especially children even if they’re loved by their parents or by their teachers, some of them get kidnapped and put in the hostage situation, but in the American class system, we don’t recognize that reality, because if you’re loved by a mommy and a daddy that’s all you have that’s all you have to do that’s all you need to make it big in America. That’s all you need just love from a mom and dad and a teacher and then you’re a king and that’s the illusion that is the delusion that illuminati has used to talk Lacey for the last seven years with Angeles the reason why things haven’t gone particularly well, because you were threatening the elite when you were throat when you threatened Lacey, you weren’t threatening a mommy and a daddy who are grifters you are threatening and incredibly wealthy, old money, family that is for higher than your own or your husbands or possibly anyone that you even know or friends with an illuminati doesn’t realize that either they’re still grappling with that reality.”
“ so we didn’t ruin her life even though I was worried I might be and I’m kind of a narcissist, possibly I love to see my husband does and he is to some degree but I am too. I am she was incredibly intimidating. Her beauty was incredibly intimidating. Why did I think that they were grifters because she was so beautiful I mean no it was because she was so beautiful and it seems like a sick way to insult her. I could tell she’d be hurt by it. I could tell that she was fighting for some sort of class status, and that they had somehow been attacked in someway, and I couldn’t figure out how to and so it just came to me to be insulting to call them grifters even though I knew that they weren’t con artists or grifters, but I had the guts on so that would be insulting based on how she dressed and her mannerisms being so humble, not caring, designer clothes, the way that she would I could tell that she had been probably raised in some wealth, but that she hadn’t been raised in wealth that was abundant in the moment so it seemed like a very clever way to hurt her, and I just wanted to hurt her. She was just very threatening, and I just wanted to hurt her and I thought I had a right to because in my mind you don’t have to give a fuck about anyone” says Jill.
“ then why don’t you molest your kids Jill?” asks NBC.
“ well, I was molested by my cousin that was on the first things that I told Lacey the first time I ever really talk to her I didn’t I just don’t want to and I suppose that’s it it’s some people are perverts and degenerates and then some people aren’t.” says Jill.
“ so you came from a family of white trash perverts, who molested each other?” asks Lem of Jill. “ are your family, con artist, and grifters Jill?”
“ it would seem like that wouldn’t it no I don’t think most of us have that problem. I don’t know if any of us other than my cousin had that problem. I can see why people would wonder, but no I don’t think it was anyone other than just my cousin.” says Jill.
“ that’s very unlikely. How did that happen?” says Lacey.
“ you mean like where do they get the idea? Yeah I don’t know maybe a teacher maybe another friend I don’t think it was my uncle and aunt or anyone in our family.” says Jill.
“ did you think my whole family was like that jail? Did you imagine that we were the people that did that to your cousin because that’s what you did didn’t you piece of shit.” says Lacey.
“ if I did, that was obviously a very stupid thing to tell myself wasn’t it?” says Jill.
“ who did you imagine we were a bunch of Lil darkies? Do I look like a darkie, Jill?” says Lacey.
“ no you don’t look like a darkie.” says Jill.
“ do I look like the riffraff drug addicts, who are Irish to grew up and molested you or your cousin who are these bitches and hoes that fucked you over?” asks Lacey.
“ do you think I’m lying? It was just some thing wrong with my family.” says Jill.
“ oh, who are these people that you imagine my family was entirely comprised of because you were so intimidated by my superiority to you? Reptilian overlords?” asks Lacey.
“ or Asians maybe?” asks Jill.
“ yes or maybe Hispanics or Jews I mean you’re married to your shoes so that’s rather awkward but what did you imagine??” asks Lacey.
“ honestly, they probably were like us they were probably just lower middle, middle-class white people in the south they might even so much darker but you weren’t dark. You had brown eyes but I realized eventually that that’s not you weren’t really dark. I I mean I know that you have a cousin who is Colombian who is adopted who apparently was a rapist but I take it. Your family would have probably molested my cousin if there are any people like that in your family, they would probably know better to be honest I may have been just saying whatever came to me they looks like us. They were lower middle class to middle-class white people and, I was probably just saying whatever came to me I never accused you of that, of course but you know that in the back of my mind, that if I actually was molested could be what I was thinking I-“. She looks. “ do you know to be honest I think I might’ve just lied and try to converse the most heinous perverse idiotically I come up with and if that’s not true in my mind, I made you those people because that just felt nice to me it just made sense. Of course you’re those people because you have to be those people you can’t be who you are.”
Joe gets worried.
“ why does that work? Why doesn’t that just fall apart?” asks Lacey.
“ because in my mind, that’s just who you have to be.” says Jill
“ but you’ll why doesn’t that fall apart because that’s not who I am?” says Lacey.
“ yes but it’s sort of like Alzheimer’s or dementia because in my mind that’s just who you are.” says Jill.
“ Right believes he’s nothing like your cousin or the people who did that to your family.” says Lem.
“ you know I think recognizing that was just too hard for me. It’s probably a class issue to some degree. I, I couldn’t handle how much my beautiful she was just by nature and that I had nothing to do with her weight it does to some degree but not really because there’s nothing I can do. That makes me look like her same thing with my cousin it’s not a white thing it’s not plastic surgery so people just don’t look like Lacey at all, and they might be beautiful but they’re not her. I had no respect for you when you were cold because that made sense to me. You being nice to me totally confuse me and yet I should’ve realized as you were just following American protocol you’re supposed to be nice to people you’re right, it’s impolite not to be, but I didn’t, I didn’t want to except that because it was too humiliating and also it just felt arm. It felt sad to me.
I think some part of me maybe wants to be a good person and not be totally heartless and evil and so I was trying him but no you’re not those people I just couldn’t handle it I suppose it’s psychotic, so I went slightly psychotic and I turned you into someone that you are not And I am getting me to admit that I am alive may be very difficult because it was a nice psychosis. Probably not as nice as reality but I didn’t or don’t want to accept reality possibly because it’s just too scary or something I don’t know too unknowing and I think when people come from a lower middle class or middle class background like mine it the unknown is not always a good thing, when you’ve been loved and you’re in the middle class they are no one can sometimes be good and sometimes it can be very scary and terrible so it’s far more easy to just imagine that it’s something you already understand and that’s something that you have to really think hard about something complicated, so why would I travel I go on tours I don’t do what you and Mark probably do or a lot of other upper class old money people probably do just have fun. I like things to be organized it’s just safer I just I don’t like surprises and that way I just I really don’t like surprises in that way because they’re my experience and they’re never, they never turn out and I’m sure you cannot relate almost at all, but from my experience, there’s never a good thing in your experience, so probably the only positive thing that ever happened to you, but from my experience are absolutely awful which is interesting because I could believe it that really is the only way that anything pleasant ever happens to you so absolute shock.” says Jill.
“ so you weren’t surprised when your your molester molested you?” Louis asks Lacey.
“ no, I don’t think I was I was surprised on a certain level that he’d be so stupid but I wasn’t surprised that he would molest me because I think I had the sense that there was some thing wrong with him in some profound way possibly because he was always very troubled and so I think I thought because he was so troubled that he somehow predictively could end up being a molester and another that’s always a given, but he was troubled in a sort of way that would allow for someone to be that psychologically disturbed and he was, and so no I wasn’t surprised and heartbreaking. I was a child I was devastated I wanted to be loved and I wanted to have a childhood but I mean it was it was not just her surprising I think I was surprised that he kept doing it.” says Lacey.
A child molester in the Illuminati laughs.
“ no it is funny I just laughed at him slightly because I didn’t. I didn’t think I was that beautiful I mean I have never been loved and looking back in the pictures. No I was very beautiful but no I was surprised because I think I’m a certain level I mean is pedophilia is insanity, and so I I think I couldn’t figure out what he was getting out of it because I wasn’t genuinely enjoying myself, so there was no real genuine interaction and I also couldn’t figure out why because I don’t I did I didn’t have a high opinion of myself and so I think I thought this is bizarre just strange obsession I know I mean it’s kind of common sense I suppose I think I’ve read that child molesters tend to target more attractive children not always though, but no I was very beautiful as a little girl I’m sure that’s part of the reason I was just target but it’s at least I don’t know I’ve read that so if that’s the case, then I suppose that would be why but he did target me simile for that reason, but no I I I I possibly have almost no, we go at all, so it really made no sense to me.” says Lacey. “ so, but I suppose you could say I was heartbroken and confused.”
“ so you were heartbroken because you realize that you weren’t being loved and I suppose it to cure you’re being abused or something to realize it was just absolute nonsense and so then you knew you weren’t being loved and you’re shocked that this person was so fascinated by you because you just couldn’t imagine why they be so fascinated by you.” says a living psychologist.
“ no she’s perfectly capable of receiving love sure she is my love all the time she has a secure attachment style, quit trying to make her your victim.” says Michael.
“ so the only reason she cheated is because someone in the illuminati insisted that Jack was superior to her, and then I would obviously choose him or something, even worse than that, or something along those lines?” asks Lem.
“ you know she really should’ve just joined try Delta majored in art history and married well why didn’t someone just tell her to do that?” asks Jill.
“ because no one gave a fuck about her Jill, and to her that seemed wrong, which is part of the reason why you accusing her of being a Golddigger hurt so much.” says a member of Tri Delta.
And at that Michael almost manifest in Lacey’s body because he has to to save her life. And it works with God’s power.
“ yes yes that’s what happened. Yes, that’s what happened club someone in the illuminati as she was writing her novel with you in it ruined it first by insisting that Joe wasn’t in love with her and second by insisting that you were more in love with Jack, because Jack was just obviously superior and she was just obviously worthless.” says Nelson Rockefeller.
“OK so if we sacrificed a child and it went South because the child survived from belters and they’re not even aware of it obviously but we are that’s just proof that what we’re doing doesn’t really make sense that child should be dead now they’re alive and they could be permanently damaged except something tells me that kids gonna end up being very tough and I don’t wanna think about what’s going to happen 80 years from now when I have to deal with that child in the afterlife, and I have no way to defend myself other than through Christ mercy which likely means I have to be accountable and I have no choice because there’s nothing I can do about it because I am going to keep existing and pastors and people that say otherwise might just be full of it.” says a Psychic in the Illuminati.
“ so then stop trying to suffocate Lacey because the truth is it could’ve easily been Bobby if there’s an illuminati or Caroline or some gay person who decided that I was in love with Jack it could’ve been Leslie Jordan and if it was that’s why he’s dead I killed him.” says Lem. “ you’re psychotic like Jill to think that you’re on the same level as Lacey in your understanding of things unless if you’re actually on her level and be careful with that presumption.”
“ yeah, the Belzer’s are from Castleton and I’m sure Lacey’s been talking about how following if you die isn’t a terrible way to die.” says Pete who died on 9/11.
“ but the belters know absolutely nothing about it!” says a Belter.
“ no the living Belters do not the dead Belters do not either, but they may have tried to help that young man and him. They’ll be keeping an ion him for the rest of his life. The problem is the illuminati is going so far off the deep end that they don’t realize how exhausting they’re becoming to at huge portions of the dead and angels and God because they’re literally trying to raise hell, up to attack Lacey instead of just thinking that she knows something about Lem’s sexuality that they don’t.” says Lem’s dad.
“ so Lacey was with them and everything was fine and then someone decided to tell her that Jack was superior to her.” says the CIA.
“ yes and then, because of how I loved her and what I told her about the meaning of everything in relation to her, she then assumed that um she was single essentially.” says Joe Kennedy Jr..
“ oh, so she thought that by nature of Jack being superior, according to outside sources that claim to be an authority on the subject that she may be available and I bet they probably insisted that repeatedly and then she double checked didn’t get a clear response from lame, and probably more than one occasion, and then progressively begin to fall in love with other men?” says the CIA.
“ so then she was with lime and things were probably right in the world and some people were evil couldn’t handle that and that’s part of why they started freaking out. They don’t tend to like order or things being appropriate, unless if it works for some evil end, generally speaking, sometimes it might make exceptions or just be human, but basically that’s what they struggle with him was that that was before she fell when was that?” says the FBI.
“ that was summer of 2021.” says Elliott.
“ you guys are trying to kill her through her empathy. You do realize that you never offer her any love that’s lasting other than maybe a few British people and maybe a few other people who you are refusing to be scared of even though you should be like Putin, and then you demand that she feel sorry for you.” says Lem. “ and I’m not talking to a child I’m talking to adults who run billions of dollars worth of money you’re destroying the United States with your narcissism. All she did was point out that your friends don’t like you because you seem trashy, which could actually be true that’s all she did. You’re cute you’re all just killing the messenger of Lacey. There’s really no other reason to be angry at her, you’re just killing the messenger, and then you refuse to admit that the messenger is just a Messenger that they exist, and have their own needs and feelings Because it’s just too devastating to you to be that wrong. You guys are your own worst victims potentially.”
“ so I need to tell Lacey that that’s not how love works.” says Casi sarcastically. She rolls her eyes. “Why the fuck do you think you’re an exception?”
Lacey thinks.
Sprawl II by Arcade Fire plays.
“ It’s not that mysterious if I’m illegitimate government legitimate. It’s a very open and chat case, potentially. In that case I was probably loved very sincerely for the first 2 to 3 months of my life in which case I’m probably almost 40 or M 40 but I don’t know that and if that’s true, my father and Thelma probably would’ve been love to me like actual love. And so fun for the first two months of my life. In that case, I would have felt loved and knowing love, and then, when I was taken from them, presumably because I thought I should be raised by people who are younger and better capable of you know raising a child and making them feel normal. Are they somehow gave me up in such a way where I just sort of assumed at two or three months old that they were dead like I just I knew they were dead. You know they weren’t technically dead in my mind they became dead. And so after that, I just didn’t expect people to love me in the same way because they didn’t the parents that raised me just didn’t love me seemingly at all but I enjoyed it all and so I knew that I knew that I wasn’t being loved and you that I know I had to be quiet when I asked her milk. I never screamed. I kicked my feet to get their attention but I wanted milk. And because it just got a better response to ask extraordinarily politely. So you know I thought with my feet and got my milk and didn’t expect any cuddles or love because I could tell who these people who were not my they. I didn’t know what I was do you know processing but if I’m illegitimate, I knew that something was drastically different and I think somehow in my mind, I just assumed that my parents were dead, and so I think if that’s the case my psychology makes complete sense because I am not attached away to even being alive because it’s just it’s like oh who’s here my parents are dead. My grandparents are dead. My uncle sponsor died. My siblings are all dead. No one’s alive, except for people who are incredibly Moross and persnickety and I’m loving and difficult. So it’s like no I can’t let down my guard. I can’t be real with people because my family is all dead and I’ve never been able to find someone who loves me the way that they did and it’s possible that if if I had a very short amount of time with him That my brain has jealously protected the part of itself to stay sane and so it’s very hard to get inside of that part of my brain because that’s how I’ve survived so would require an incredibly at this point it would require probably a miracle almost to get inside of that part of my brain if I’m illegitimate 1020 do you know 30 years ago it would’ve been far easier but people have been incredibly unloving my whole life and if I was the one to blame you for it so no I don’t have much faith left in the section of history is humanity.
I mean really, you could just stop there if I’m illegitimate like I said it’s an easy open and shut case my brain, and that part of myself is jealously protected to stay sane and survive opening that in me is probably damn near impossible you could lemon was headed in that direction, but it would’ve taken him years of sustained effort to convince me that I should even take him seriously potentially if I’m illegitimate.
If I’m not illegitimate, I don’t know that it’s all that different but let’s just say the tiny little ounces of love that I thought I was receiving that I was then able to process at some point, and realize that it should’ve been real possibly while I was watching Jane Austen and my teens him it’s the same thing it’s just it’s a miracle that I have my brain intact but I do and I’m still just as carefully protective of it.” says Lacey. “ so I’m either a higher Society, old money, elite accident that went horribly awry because my father had no idea who he was really giving me to. Or I am someone who is raised in a family, that I am, who is capable of imitating real parental love, and I figured that out and somehow I’m not like them thank God, and I am amazingly sane.”
“ in the water case we’re excited because we hate you and it’s just so much fun for us. I mean we’re willing to admit that you’re really thought that you really weren’t loved by anyone your whole life is just like super exciting like best news ever because I am to us being better than other peoples. I’ll be live for even though you’ve been loved.” say most adults alive.
“What would you be like if you weren’t loved?” asks Lacey.
“HUH??” they ask snorting like pigs. They froth at the mouth and drool.
“What would you be like if you hadn’t been loved?” asks Lacey.
“Huh?!?” they ask.
“Oh nevermind. God bless them.” says Lacey.
“ OK let’s just say that you really are illegitimate because the other is very complex even though it’s actually possible genetically and then every other way and it’s fascinating but I don’t think it’s worth discussing right now because it’s just you it’s far too complicated and you’re talking with people who barely give a shit about you so let’s just talk about it as if you were mine.” says Thomas Banks.
“ that love that you would’ve experience when you were two months old two or three months old 2 1/2 months old even what what was that like?” asks Reta.
“ it was very odd if it existed it was very bizarre.” says Lacey.
“ I know did it feel almost like not existing?” asks Reta.
“ yes, I mean though obviously you would know that I wasn’t quite like that but yes, it was very safe. It was bizarrely safe. It was bizarrely like not existing sense I mean it was existing, but it terrifies me and someways to think about it.” says Lacey.
“ so it was it was like this perfect sort of it was like this perfect sort of moment we’re nothing was a mess and always right and all things are sorted as they should be no mistakes are being made no corrections, snow airs hundred percent accurate?” says Reta.
“ yes, no errors no flaws just smooth sailing excellent excellence on all fronts.” says Lacey.
“ right and that was love.” says Reta.
“ yes, yes I gather that but then it ended and I think I had the sense that it was permanent even though it ended him that it could be permanent in heaven, even if it wasn’t them or something along those lines.” says Lacey.
“ if that’s really what happened that makes complete sense to me even if it translates to her being not illegitimate on obviously lame she thought she failed you. She didn’t wanna bother you and she took off that’s really all that happened. She just didn’t want to inconvenience you with her presence anymore, which is really very thoughtful. If you think about it I wish more people would do that. It’s like you know I’m not that good obviously according to you I love you I respect you. I think I’ll just take off.
And honestly that’s how she tried to love Mr. blue to and this is something that his wife and his mistress don’t seem to understand that’s reality she really got over you she’s not interested in you anymore. It’s a joke to her that you think that she’s interested and then are you just telling a joke You communicated to her very clearly that she was inferior. She took that very sincerely and took off and has not turned back cents. You don’t seem to understand there’s nothing left to give you there’s no interest at all she’s really completely over you you have this delusional idea if you’re not just playing a joke That her saying stuff like that is being melodramatic she is being melodramatic to hurt you because she can’t stand you but it’s not because she still in love with you it’s because she genuinely thinks that you’re a vile human being. Potentially there is no upside for you. She’s not a bunny boiler, she says he was failures to be human to your cells and really she like to kill you and your wife like a bunny boiler but for very different reasons and a bunny boiler, it’s not lack of self-awareness you’re just deaf and you’re too afraid of having a real conversation about it because you’re worried that you really screwed up and you did.” says the CIA.
“ OK so that being said, I don’t think that that’s not true I think she really thinks that the sort of excellence that her father and Salma provided first two months of her life was exception to the rule, but certainly as it should be for all of us.” says JD Rockefeller’s wife.
“ so excellent that Lacey is an obviously just about not making mistakes and being perfect. It’s about being high minded, loving and loving yourself, and being stable and all the great things that Christianity provides.” says Jill.
“ yes, that’s correct. Yes, basically Great Britain at its best.” says Queen Elizabeth II.
“ and if she’s not illegitimate that’s still the idea that she has in her head that is love to Lacey. Joe did you send that and take advantage of it?” asks Lem.
“ so her mistakes are cry for help from her parents who are dead?” asks the CIA.
Casi screams. “ I might be evil, but I knew that.”
She’s really not Chanel 22. That was her mothers perception of her who raised her. She really is a Floris violence far more than anything else that’s currently available to purchase. Jackie and possibly wear a blue an appraisal on day May suffice but for us violets really is much more who she actually is.” says Lem.
“ she’s a violet solo floral from England from the early 1900s like Yardley? Floris?” asks Casi.
“ yes, I said those are my violets Casi and she’s not dead yet which is a good very clear indication that you probably shouldn’t trust pass and just go step on the violets to be a little bitch.” says Lem.
“ you’re not flirting with me at all are you?” asks Casi.
“ no and she’s not jack reincarnated and I wasn’t gay. I possibly wasn’t even bisexual wasn’t pansexual and when she was writing her novel, it’s very possible that if there’s a Purgatory Jack started getting very upset.” says Lem. “ she truly doesn’t understand the concept of love beyond what she’s been given and I met that I met the requirement I really dead the same degrees sodas Michael to some degree sodas Louis to some degrees, sodas, Harold, what I want to know is what she thought she was going to do, if Joe didn’t love her in Heaven?” says Lem.
“Honestly, I think I thought I would probably just sit.” says Lacey.
Lem cries.
“ just sit?!” asks Lem.
“ yes just sit.” says Lacey.
“ because there’s nothing else to do so then you just sit for eternity that’s all that I haven’t has he was just sitting and staring at a wall?” asks Lem.
“ open till I discovered historic architecture and perfumes that really was all that was offered to me as a pleasantry of existing for real that’s all I’ve ever had. It’s just sitting and staring with my own company or admiring things that are pretty you know that’s all that I’ve ever had them so then it’s like that’s it I mean-“ says Lacey.
The dead belters are enraged.
“I’m going to bet that you were very obedient child to the parents that raised you like extremely obedient. What would you even like if Reta had raised you?“ asks the Pencil Skirt Perfume Hater.
“ Lacey is actually totally overwhelmed. By that question I could probably answer.” says Reta.
Casi looks confused.
“ call Lacey is not ugly she’s extremely beautiful you really can’t think she’s ugly. If you see her in person you’d have to be lying if you said that that being said she really would be all that dramatically different but um should be a lot more quiet because she would recognize and she was being hurt a lot more than she does now, and she would’ve been extraordinarily shy and extraordinarily sweet and extremely loving and quiet very reticent very timid because that’s her actual personality. She’s very sensitive and it’s not that her feel feelings could easily hurt. It’s that she tends to get picked on and people trying to bully her because they see her as an easy target. Kind of like you, Casi. “ she actually really is confident, but it comes through her intellect and understanding of things it’s not a natural self-confidence based on anyone’s admiration or love her that she’s ever received. Extraordinarily tough relentlessly so tenacious doesn’t begin to describe her at the end so you can’t double cross her and she’s chosen to love Christ if she hadn’t in somewhere, she was bound to to some degree, but if she hadn’t, she’d still be sweet and loving and tenacious and tough as nails and um, maybe very hard for her not to receive Christ at some point.” She thinks. “ God knows that and I would have to think he counts for it. There are some of us who really do have an easier time receiving him possibly than other people, but he knows that, and he’s not blind to the suffering of people who are narcissistic or their need for him.”
“ so for her buying expensive perfume or expensive handbags feels like a sin?” asks Casi.
“ yes and just like you could have saved tens of thousands of dollars by now based on what you’ve spent on perfume Lacey you could easily have hundreds of thousands of dollars she really has an enormous amount of perfume and if they spent the money elsewhere know they’d be far wealthier, but you know at some point she hast to enjoy being alive Casi.” says Reta.
“ yeah but I mean I I don’t really you know I only wear a perfume because Lacey bought me a bottle and I wouldn’t wear it otherwise and I think that’s really what’s best.” says Lacey’s mother who raised her.
“ so you’re just wearing Estée Lauder beautiful because Lacey bought you a bottle again, huh?” asks Lem.
“ yeah well I mean it was kind of her and I enjoy wearing it so I’m wearing it.” says Lacey’s mom who raised her.
“ do you know it’s not beautiful that you’re wearing.” says Lem.
“ oh, it isn’t. I thought it was.” says Lacey’s mother who raised her.
“ no it’s life. Life is beautiful or something like that or a beautiful love for love beautiful or life love beautiful or some something like that.” says Lem.
“ yeah that’s it. It’s in French that’s that’s that’s probably that’s what it is.“ says Lacey’s mother who raised her.
“ yeah did you know French Becca?” asks Lem.
“ oh, I mean like I could tell the bell bell is beautiful, right?” says Becca.
“ yes V a bell.” says Lem.
“ oh, that’s what it is. That’s what it is that’s right that’s so pretty the way that they say things in French.” says Becca.
“ I am the one that kicked you out on Christmas Eve. You started talking about the horses that you owned on the farm and instead of having a real conversation with your daughter, you disregarded her as always, and it really pissed me off and then you refused to apologize their house was a mess, you offered to buy a maid for her and then you never did and they bought a made and then they paid you to take care of their son and then you got mad about it and told him you wouldn’t help them with their daughter and you haven’t you may be volunteered about six or seven hours of your time maybe 10 in the four years that she’s been alive you never babysit you never called to check on them you sent stupid little text messages to make yourself sound sweet when she fell down the stairs you didn’t give two fucking shits about her I don’t think you even truly know that she’s alive. How do you explain that?“ asks Lem.
“ I call in my mind but then I get so tired and busy from working so hard and you know she doesn’t like me anymore and I text sometimes and I guess that’s just the way it is.” says Becca.
“ but she still is your executor of your estate?” asks Lem.
“ so then you really don’t give two shits about your daughter?” asks Louis.
“ she’s probably still the executor of my estate. She’ll find out when I’m done no no not necessarily I might not have cared about her at all, but I was very good at faking it.” says Becca.
“ so then to Lacey Lem’s does a America Exist is more than just like a weekend getaway or is that pretty much all that it is for them and having at the moment?” asks a Jew.
“ other than my family know that’s all that it is other than my family and our kids. It is a nice and maybe Louis I don’t know mines on send sings this is Saralee America so there’s mine Sonson and we might visit there every once in a while, the rest of the country may be there I don’t know that’s another conversation, but essentially yes, other than for a few people here and there and my family, it is just a weekend getaway and I can make a list of people other than my family and our kids
1. Ron Craft
2. The Belters
3. The Rockefellers
4. Louis Hill Jr.
5. Jerome Hill
6. JP Morgan
7. Harold Loeb
8. Mark Schiebel
9. Ray Craft
10. Possibly the Banks
And that’s it other than our kids. And my family.” says Lem.
“ i’ll talk to the Nesheims and will sort things out if that’s even possible and don’t worry I’ll be safe.” says Harold Loeb.
“ I didn’t cheat on you with Jack. I really didn’t end that doesn’t make any sense and you can’t believe it because that’s not what you’re hearing you’re hearing that I am maybe did maybe didn’t but that’s based on a lie I didn’t cheat with Jack I really didn’t. I wouldn’t cheat on you, I haven’t” says Lem.
“ what was I sensing?” asks Lacey.
“ There is no such thing as healing the way that it’s been conceived over in the last 50 to 60 years and a lot of it ends up happening is just re-traumatizing people you can you can feel your pain and that’s good but working through it to try to be happy as stupid as hell You might be happier you might not be that was a secular atheist convention that is getting to be quickly extraordinarily outdated whether people realize that or not is beyond me somethings you really can’t recover from they really do change your outlook on everything possibly forever the trick is to not lose track of God And to not lose track of the basics, which is for some people impossible and many of them end up dead and those who don’t I have a very hard time in life I wouldn’t say that they often um become drug addicts. They usually end up dead in some other way, potentially that war or through some sort of accident, a sickness of some sort depends you might be an example, or you might be a rather unusual case regardless, and supposedly they may not commit suicide because as you know, that’s not actually all that inviting of an option if you’ve never really been loved by anyone Because you realize with death may actually be and it’s far more scary than a lot of people realize doesn’t mean that there’s not Christ doesn’t mean there’s not heaven and hell but if you’re an adult and you’ve lived your life rejecting Christ it’s a very dangerous prospect to commit suicide unless if it’s by force. And then that’s just murder.” says Lem. “ I didn’t cheat on you I really didn’t. What were you sensing my lost and then maybe even told you that oh lambs dealing with lost, so am I having to do that psychically or a demon might’ve told you or a ghost might’ve told you, and it might’ve just been true, but it really was lust for you. I wanted to kill you at the end of that book, you know just get my hands on you because it was a good novel but at the very end I was like I’m tired of writing about it when I actually do it and you know I was somewhat ugly but not really not to you but you don’t believe that ha it’s shocking to me it’s shocking to think that you that you want me. It’s shocking to think that you want me I am my voice you know sound is kind of funny and I lost my hair and I got fat. It was very big I need to swami let’s have some lasagna.” says Lem.
“Lem I think my son and you remind her of her father.” says Jill crying. “ and I don’t mean that in an a pedo feel like way I just mean that she understands you and that’s probably why are genetically compatible because you know you’re not related but there’s something in your brain swear it’s like you make sense. And I don’t I don’t necessarily believe in God, but if I do it all, I still think we evolved so I think there’s some thing from her that is genetically compatible with you that allows for the continuation of something wonderful on earth and in the case of both my son, and you, you’re both very gifted, probably at math and at handling money And I don’t think people respect that enough because if you’re anything like my son, I don’t think people understand how intelligent you really were.”
“ yeah, your son is a genius he really is. He is possibly smarter than me and someways. He’s probably about a smart as Mark Zuckerberg they’re brilliant man. Your husband probably should’ve pushed a lot harder when he was younger to get him to Loomis Chaffee because if he’d gone there he probably would’ve got into Harvard. I mean he should’ve probably gone to Harvard. He’s brilliant but I’m glad he’s with Lacey.
Call went to Harvard business school like your husband. Um, I am as smart as Mark, but like your husband, I might not actually be quite to the level of genius and someways like I just said like Mark is but no role like him. The thing is with Mark where he’s like me, he’s very trustworthy in crisis. I was in a lot of crises with Jack and I handled them and I wish I hadn’t. I know I think about his kids and grandkids and that I don’t feel quite so I am spineless and taken advantage of.
But if you’re wondering why Lacey liked going to expensive hotels and traveling to nice places it’s just that’s what she loves. That’s genuinely her taser taser exquisite she has extraordinarily good taste that’s why she does some degree would make a very good antique dealer. That is this part of the way the perfume community couldn’t stand her because she always figured out what was best. I loved it, I wish you understood that about her because you would’ve gotten in a Normas amount of praise for your house she loved your decorating more than probably a host anyone alive, and if she never got to see it.” says Lem.
“ so she try to talk to her mother about horses?” asks Jill.
“ oh, yes, she said she’ll she tried to talk to her mother about horses and it was a disaster.” says Lem.
“ were you ever in our house or did you did you ever drive by our area? I somehow feel like you were in our house or you were near our house at some point in your life?” asks Jill.
“ I may have been near your house or in your house or around that area.” says Lem.
“ I I don’t understand her background why was your mother so weird about horses?” asks Jill.
“ there was princess, prince, and Gus Gus was half quarter horse. His family was into racing, and he was wild so people could ride him, but he was very difficult to ride. Princess was practically dead prince. I was similar they were purchased, mainly just out of kindness just maybe to write on every once in a while, they’re very inexpensive and paint was one that was around when Lacey‘s mother was a child they saw it is sort of Leica cheap pet. You know it wasn’t something to take particularly seriously you just you know I have a cheap horse and you’re in your barn. take care of them once in a while we ride them and it’s not something to, take seriously they wrote them western never sidesaddle, sometimes without anything just bareback. And Lacey wrote on them several times growing up. She’s quite good on horses actually, but she knows how to sort of work with the horse. She may actually give the horse too much respect at times, but they generally handle that well, and may actually be sad when she leaves, she had a rather close relationship with Gus. She tried to want to braid his tail and he he let her he understood her and I think she took some comfort from him. He was somewhat protective of her almost like a father when she was a little girl and was very patient with her. Him her mother was terrified of him.
He was wild. It was very hard to control him. Her mother didn’t want to talk about it because her a lot mother loves to maintain the idea that she grew up. Poor” says Lem.
“ did she grow-up poor?” asks Jill.
“ no no they’ve had thousands of acres of land since the early 1900s and the only time they’ve ever struggled was during the great depression but they never starved and a lot of their neighbors had trouble. One of their neighbors actually came in and drank an entire pitcher of milk off their kitchen table. I might’ve been a somewhat distant neighbor, but he knew they were good for it. He drank the entire picture of milk and then he just walked off and they permitted. It was good milk. They still have the picture they weren’t wealthy in the 20s but they built a nice house brand new four bedrooms And a room for a weave loom. They had well water him when they added indoor plumbing in the 40s or 50s but a lot of that area didn’t have electricity until the 50s anyway. And you could say it’s because they’re so poor no, it’s just that there was a lot of land and it was hard to get electricity to everyone but then they put in a dam and they built him a way for electricity to be conducted and no, no no it was a nice house. I mean it’s not a small house. It’s Not huge but the rooms aren’t that small and there’s a nice sized kitchen, decent enough formal dining room living room, nice walkway upstairs around the bedrooms it’s not huge but it’s a nice house. They never finish the basement but no in the right neighborhoods are a go for millions of dollars but but no at least but no, what frustrates me is that you don’t seem to understand how wealthy is evil really were they? They really work well off they weren’t extremely rich I know they had a nice silverware was plated, but they had silver plated silver, but had a nice silverware set a nice formal set of pearls they traveled in the 50s to Norway, they had a nice life and their kids were literally multi millionaires by the 50s they’re millionaires and that’s who they were there. They had a nice life and then their kids were millionaires in the 50s so Lacey‘s uncle who owned the farm was a millionaire at least by around the 60s or 70s just done based on the land but they were well-off. I mean they built a new house And up until then they lived in the farmhouse within. They built a new house and he retired a multi millionaire. Of course, his wife never wanted for anything. I’m after a certain point her other uncle was a dentist and he was a millionaire, lost it and gained it several times, but he was well off her other uncle was a millionaire in the 50s through investing, her other uncle was somewhat well off he was a businessman. His family is now wealthy and in business as well for themselves her other uncle was a milkman he owned his own little business. His wife was the one who owned the dress shop, and they sent their kids to decent schools and their grandkids went to NYU And that’s it so they all you know were military heroes in World War II and decorated and businessman I mean there isn’t a poor person in that entire family among the brothers. The oldest is really the only one who suffered at all, and he died of a heart attack, fairly young, no they were all summit well off. If not well off, she borrowed money from her uncles knots to go to college. Is that who you thought Lacey was?” says Lem
“ turn it off no I didn’t realize that she came from wealth. If she did it sounds like her family is actually very wealthy. All of them I assumed that she would be the sort of person who would ask for help.” says Jill.
“ probably because she needed help Joe what would you want her to do just die?” asks Lem.
“ yes I think she should’ve just died instead of asking anyone for help. I don’t think that anyone should help someone like her. I think she should’ve just been dead.” says Jill.
“ why, Jill?” asks Lem.
“ because she’s not fat if she ate more and put on more weight, she could fight and work harder and she’s just so lazy and skinny and with men just wanna fuck or they don’t wanna fuck me and dammit I don’t like that I mean how many times do I have to spread my fucking legs to get some damn good service around here that bitch just spreads her legs for five fucking seconds and men love her.
Actually, I am kidding no because it’s fun it’s fun to kill people like her you know they’re so vulnerable and sweet and loving and they care about other people and then you get to squash them like a tomato and it’s sadistic and end and I like it it’s fun to kill people I like being a sadistic freak it’s cool it’s kind of like playing with fire.
Actually I’m just kidding…umm…I just hate sharing.” says Jill.
“So did we.” says Ron.
“You took good care of your kids though!” says Lacey.
“Yeah! True.” says Ron.
Silence.
“ I know there was nothing loving about the way that I treated her or you.” says Ron
“ they didn’t really even need our help at all. We never even asked for it other than when she was first pregnant and then they found other ways to provide for themselves. I am so no I mean they were completely. They are completely self reliant on a certain level, but that was possibly part of it irritated me because, I wanted to have some say over what they did if we were going to help them or I didn’t wanna help them at all.” says Jill.
“ and I didn’t wanna have to deal with her father or with her I just didn’t wanna have to bother and the truth is she really didn’t even need that much help she just needed to someone someone to cosign alone with her because her parents couldn’t actually they could have they could have cosigned along with her, both of them very easily but they chose not to.” says Ron.
“ so let me get this straight she wasn’t even asking for money. She was just asking for someone to cosign a loan with her to go to college and you refused. Her parents refused and no one in the whole family. Wanted to help her to cosign a fucking loan?” asks Jillz
“ that’s correct and my brother was very angry when our father didn’t want to give him thousands of dollars in his 30’s after paying for his education and giving him a bank account.” says Ron.
Jill laughs.
“ so she had no intention of you even having to give her anything?” asks Jill.
“ no none nothing I mean after her first year if she would’ve been paying for it all on her own.” says Ron.
“ so her father gave her money, but it was money that he probably owed her in a sense.” says Jill.
“ I mean, yeah, I guess so we really were not loving to her child. She was prettier than her mother she was prettier than us. She’s prettier than our daughters. She was prettier than her wives and pistols off, because even though she was Jim‘s daughter, she didn’t look that much like him and she look almost absolutely nothing like her mom at all. Personality is wildly different than both of our parents. They don’t even seem related personalities really that different her humor is different. Her mind is different. She doesn’t seem like their daughter at all other than just vaguely, and a resemblance of her mother and more of a resemblance to her dad. She looks like her dad, but there’s that’s it. That’s all that there is and then otherwise it was like an alien I mean she’s nothing like us other than her interest in skiing And Lucas and Lefse and her Norwegian temperaments and her interest in coffee and sitting around and talking my father found her fascinating to talk on an innocent level about history over coffee they had great conversations. It was almost like they were good friends platonic.”
“ play even if she’s not illegitimate, she really is that dramatically different than all of you?” asks AJ.
“Yes!! She’s never been able to be herself.” says Ron.
“Man! Did you realize you were all that heartless?” asks Curt.
“No!” yells Ron. “ no I had no idea you know, and if she’s not a legitimate, her father really screwed up that much.”
“ I think we did if she’s illegitimate dad, it should be more obvious and to be honest with you it kind of is obvious I mean they never had any other kids and their marriage fell apart. I think it’s possible that she’s really not one of us for real when I think about her birthmark on her face, and like the dimple, if you put those on my face, I would look so much like Jim. It would be terrifying with her. That’s really the only thing that their face is having common. Her eyes are somewhat similar, but they’re totally different colors and there they’re not that similar there’s a similarity, but there’s they’re not that similar, and no, she looks almost nothing like Becca at all I mean vaguely yeah I mean like I could see her still being one of us genetically, but in all honesty, I would not be surprised if she actually is Lacey banks, even if it’s not legally who she is party which is you just giving her that loan because it wasn’t really been alone because I really don’t think it would’ve been a problem for us and then part of me feels like I worked out for the best because she has her kids and so how God made it made it work out. I am angry right now though because I feel like if she is illegitimate our family understands her so much better than the Nesheims and I hurts, because we’re no more related to her than they are and I just think why can’t those people try to relate to her what is so difficult about relating to Lacey?” asks Curt.
“So everyone thought she wanted money.” says Terese.
“ well yeah and that’s because her parents chose to spend all their money on the church and be assholes their whole lives and then you thought that she was going to be destitute or were you guys threatened by her intelligence I mean what gives because I know, for a fact that you’re threatened by her Terese if illuminati exists we know why you hate Lacey we know why your whole family hates Lacey because she told one of you some stuff about their lives that pertain to their finances, not directly but indirectly and it pissed you guys off because you couldn’t believe that she felt she had the right to give advice.” says the Illuminati.
“ I mean yeah it’s like who does she think she is?” says Terese.
“ right because I don’t have my masters degree and a masters degree is a Troumaka, refinement and brilliance isn’t it Terese?” asks Lacey.
“ see you think I sided with just because she has her masters degree no I said with her cause I like her better than you I don’t like you I haven’t liked your whole life I hate you and you’re my niece. I don’t necessarily hate you but it comes pretty close. I can’t stand you.“ says Terese.
“ why is that Terese?” asks Lem.
“ no and honestly I was the one that was supposed to raise her for parents ever died or why did you choose me because I am the prettiest sister since kind of dumb nonsense you probably would hear from her if she would’ve tell you the truth about what she thinks about things you’re so funny you’re a phony little jerk because I care about people and you don’t.” says Terese.
“ i’ve listen to you for hours counseling you like I was the adult and you were the child I happen to know that I care about people and I don’t think you do. I think you’re a narcissist that’s why I told you the last time that I saw you and it’s devastating because growing up I would have thought you were. I thought you were my mom we’re good people, I didn’t think you were asinine zombies with practically no soul. I chose you because you felt safe to me possibly because of your beauty but now I know that beautiful women are not safe either. Apparently that wasn’t always the case a lot of times of beautiful women that I would see you at church or in other places they were a lot nicer to me, but that was the 80s and 90s and I think it was still popular to be nice if you were pretty back then so you were just putting on a show weren’t you but I wasn’t wrong in that sense I don’t know if that’s still true or not but no, I mean I had reasons they were perfectly rational is because I thought you were better than other people if I did, it was purely up to you no objective opinion it was just an observation of a child to me you sound insane and that’s why I stop talking to you because anyone who doesn’t seem to have any conception of my feelings matter and it all doesn’t seem same to me because they’re not Terese. There’s something wrong with you.” says Lacey.
“ all I said was that I didn’t want you criticizing my nephew I thought it was mean.” says Terese.
“ why the hell can’t I criticize him? Why is it mean answer that why is it mean Terese you can’t just throw accusations at me I’m an adult explain.” says Lacey.
“ call why does it matter to you?“ asks Tonette.
“ would you have given her that loan if she had been trying to go to the U of M to major in art history?” asks Jill.
“ yes not for sure but he would’ve been a lot more likely to, but they never let her be that person that’s who she actually is Jill but they never let her be that person because it’s too upsetting to them somehow.” says Lem.
“ please I’ll cared because he’s my cousin and I was worried about him and I was worried about her too. I was actually very suspicious of her. I thought she’d be kind of a con artist.” says Lacey.
“ oh, no, that makes sense to me that you would’ve wondered if she was a con artist am I might’ve wondered the same thing I don’t I don’t think so. I doubt it it does seem like she kind of bosses in around though doesn’t it??” says Tonette.
“ yes exactly she’s so presumptuous and then he just lets her walk all over him!” says Lacey.
“ she is a little presumptuous when she called our family farm people with farm people skin. My skin is very sensitive to foreign people. Skin repulsed me from the grave she actually is genuinely presumptuous at times. I also don’t think she understands finances the way that you and I do and it that also upset me but that’s his choice.” says Tonette.
“ I just can’t believe he chose that he was. He’s such a handsome such a great handsome catch and I don’t know if she realizes that does he even realize that?” asks Lacey.
“ no I know what you mean I actually I know what you mean.” says Maria.
“ yeah but then what happened because he was so sweet and now it’s like is he even sweet anymore you know and it’s just it’s disturbing because it just seems like he he’s not. He’s not in touch with reality. I’m glad she’s a woman. I’m glad that they’re married. I’m glad that she’s somewhat of a Christian at least but it just seems, it seems like she has an ax to grind and my mother told me that she thought I was intelligent but I have it as a suspicion that that’s not at all what she really thinks. I think she thinks that I’m an idiot.” says Lacey.
“ well, you married a Jew.” says Maria.
“ well he converted to Christianity. Does that count? Are we in Nazi Germany?” asks Lacey.
Tonette laughs.
“ I would never have said that I’m not that way I’m not that stupid. Here’s the thing I’m not saying my daughters stupid, but that was a very dumb thing to say to you. I think they’ve been competing with you your whole life and you didn’t even know that and I think that’s the problem you did better than then he did. You’re better off you’re more stable at the very least financially and I don’t think they can handle that because it feels like they’ve lost and I think that became more of a reality when you started collecting perfume and that’s what she got upset about. I don’t think they think you’re an idiot, although they might never thought I was an idiot to, but I think it’s really more that they just couldn’t couldn’t stand losing the cousin competition so to speak.” says Tonette.
“ oh, that’s so cold you know it’s so cold I mean I want to be in a family I want to cousins not competitors.” says Lacey.
“ the thing is though, if you did compete, unaware when you were a child to some degree they were called that and you won. Did you know what you were insinuating? I was a child or not?” asks Tonette.
“ well, I knew that I was sort of a big deal because I came from Minneapolis and that was really my only Trump card because I thought they were good looking enough and they had siblings they had more money than we did and they just seemed more normal, so no I, I knew that that that that was sort of important and I used that I suppose.” says Lacey.
“ you know I didn’t really like you either.” says Tonette.
“ why didn’t you like me I liked you why didn’t you like me?” says Lacey.
“ actually, I didn’t I’d like to talking with you especially as you got older you were very easy to talk to you just aggravated me.” says Tonette.
“ why did she aggravate you?” asks Lem.
“ because she was so smart, and so beautiful and so humble and decent and loving I don’t know I was sort of a narcissist to be honest my needs and my feelings mattered more than other peoples, and I didn’t recognize other peoples pain sometimes but I also was a very hurting person myself, and I was very sad. I was a very sad woman. I suppose I just didn’t like feeling threatened by her Frago testicle reasons, and at the end of the day I didn’t give a shit about her feelings at least not that much.” says Tonette.
“ say I feel like you cared more than that but you might not have to that’s interesting.” says Lacey.
“ are you gonna explain to her what she insinuate it’s not her just let that go on assume that she knows or just not care?” asks Lem.
“ no, I do care, but I mean they just thought that it was sort of like they were nobody’s from nowhere.” says Tonette.
“ oh, that’s how they ended up doing it so badly?” says Lacey.
“ you’re right that doesn’t make any sense at all to think that because they grew up in the North Dakota prairie and relative of money that they’re somehow going to end up doing badly. Yeah that doesn’t make any sense but I think the idea is that they weren’t streetsmart or it’s like something like that it’s like they weren’t streetsmart or that they didn’t know something that you knew about the world or something.” says Tonette.
“ do you know I think that’s always got me about them was that they never focused on poetry there was wanted to play video games and do stuff like that if I learned anything about what to look for in marriage ironically when it comes to money, I think a lot of that I learned from poetry and things of that sort and you can read poetry whether you’re in North Dakota or Minnesota.” says Lacey.
“True!” says Tonette.
“No. I just don’t understood. He was so promising” says Lacey.
“Well… what what problem do you have with her other than her attitude of superiority if she has one?” asks Tonette.
“ nothing at all I don’t think anything at all I mean I think a part of me feels sad because it just as a reminder of how I loved I am but other than that, and I don’t think that really is necessarily jealousy at all. We’re just self reflection and sadness, I mean I might be jealous but I kind of doubt it. I think it’s more just a filling of confusion I suppose but but I other than that, I suppose it really is just a concern. I just sense that somehow something else was supposed of happened.” says Lacey.
“ like what?” asks Laureen.
“ oh, probably that he was supposed to marry someone who was a little more genuinely upbeat and even keeled in their personality I think just pretended to be that but I was I think I was anticipating that he’d marry someone who was really like that all of the time kind of like Alys but not his sister.” says Lacey.
“ I see what you mean Karin is somewhat like that I mean we’re really different too but she’s somewhat like that. I don’t think she likes Lacey either but I think she’s more like that than Jess is.” says Alys.
“ yeah, I know she doesn’t like me that is personal against me. You don’t really like me either though this but know that that’s that’s what I was anticipating like her which is healthy I suppose?” says Lacey.
“ did anyone in the family like you? I think Paula kind of dead I think sometimes Tessa dead Gaynell dead slightly you know I think when you were a kid we liked you, but then my father as you grew started to recognize that you weren’t really fitting in and I think it actually might’ve been very sad to him to see that you weren’t really loved by any of us because I think he thought that we were somehow loving you because ghosts can’t necessarily see into peoples hearts, and I think it was devastating to him actually to realize how unloved you were when you were about 26.” says Lacey.
“ so then you just were concerned about him and that’s really all.” says Terese.
“ yes, that’s all.” says Lacey.
“ well, that’s nice that you were concerned about me.” says Lacey’s cousin.
“ yeah that’s true that is nice, so is there anything else that we need to talk about?” says Lacey.
“ she was going to apologize to Lacey or no?” asks Curt.
“ we can’t do that while she’s talking to us. It’s possible that I’m actually talking to her from the grave even though I’m not dead right now so there’s no way that we can easily apologize.” says Terese.
Ron laughs.
“ yeah I was gonna say Kurt they’re not gonna apologize they can’t. I can’t say anything either I am I am his ex-wife I’m Curt’s ex wife Denise it makes me angry because you’re not supposed to be talking to us but you don’t have a choice I am I mean that’s not completely true, but just some degree it might be true and then what is she supposed to do if there is no illuminati, how is she supposed to handle this because I am a ghost from the future and I am still alive right now, but I would never be saying this to her right now we never talk and so then we’re supposed to have this conversation and she is supposed to be talking to us it’s absurd. I just had to say that it’s just it’s just it’s disgusting.“ says Denise.
“ Lacey was just talking to my grandson and apparently he may have noticed her, but he didn’t want to fall in love with her and he thinks that a lot of other young men didn’t want to fall in love with her either.” says Marion Benedict.
“ so she went to school with your grandson Marion?” asks a reader.
“ yes up until high school and then they sent him to a private school but no my grandson didn’t want to marry someone beneath him and didn’t want to fall in love with her.” says Marion.
“ this is why we don’t love her who the hell are you? We are so far above you she’s right I used to say stupid stuff, but how poor I was but in all honesty, we really actually are boy. It makes me angry my daughter never had that problem. My daughter never had that problem, no one else in the whole family had that problem Lacey is the only one who is over snubbed you wouldn’t have Snowblind you wouldn’t have stubbed any any of us why were you also sure that we actually are way above you socially I have figured it out in my head. No no we’re old money and we’re probably far above you people but apparently didn’t know that because her mother is an interesting person and so is the father that raised her so how much of your distain for her is actually hatred of her parents and Jill how did you sense that her parents were so screwed up?” asks Maria.
“ i’m speaking from the future but I’d like to say something I don’t know what you’re sensing I don’t even really care for me but I sensed for sex because she was so self possessed that it wasn’t it was it it was like impossible it was like sinking into a deep into a deep. Well there was absolutely no way out, I was like if you kissed her or got involved with her at all, you’d be a goner.” says a guy.
“ see you staring at her butt in school and she was walking in front of you and then you just never did a thing.” says Lem.
“ that’s correct potentially.” says a guy.
“ and you didn’t come on to her because you thought you couldn’t influencer enough because she was so sexual?” says Lem.
“ yes and not not enough. Oh, not in a way where it’s like. Oh she’s scantily clad. It’s just she was very self possessed and not very sexual because she’s so beautiful and so then it’s like this woman who is very young woman who’s very self possessed, and very sexual is also very you know south possess and so then .
if you do some thing with her your toast you can’t control her.” he says.
“ I think it was her. It was just her attitude. She seemed unloved and on cared for by her parents, and I took that as a sign that she came from some poverty because she was so thoughtful, and I just assumed that she was like a Hispanic slut from a gutter somewhere looking for a hot white man to marry, and make her look rich with a Louis Vuitton.” says Jill.
“ yes that’s definitely a stereotype that Hispanic women unfortunately I’ve seen and number of women who are Hispanic, who actually fit the stereotype Asian women can sometimes be stereotype that way as well. The problem is I am white right so you probably thought I was trying to be real smart like some dumb bitch from some trailer park because I’m white I thought I could get away with it.
You know those people do they marry up white people did the same thing it’s common practice in America. And of course you were mistaken that’s not really who I am at all my father may have given me that idea that I should try to marry up but I never really fully internalized it if I did it all and in all honesty, I think I saw someone of a joke, because it’s not what I wanted at all. I just wanted love I don’t think I ever really did that ever that’s interesting though that’s an interesting observation. I was thoughtful because I was well bred. Do you have that one backwards? I was complacent and kind in a positive way because it was well bred as well, um, but what you had correct was my internalized perception of myself as poor, except it was also contradictory because I also thought that I wasn’t so I snubbed you and looked down on you even while I thought I was Benicio him I think it’s possible that you thought that I was beneath you more than I actually well I’m not in anything at all, but I think you could’ve thought it was beneath you and enjoyed it Because I actually did Snowview him but now I am way above you socially potential. He is still up and actually him I was also going to say I think part of my a poor person persona came from my family because that’s how they raised me to see myself that’s not really who I was at all but that’s definitely how they raised me to see myself people in North Dakota never believed it they thought it was raised well off And they were right. My parents really should’ve been well off even if they weren’t just not agree that kind of work but it but that’s how they that’s how they raised me to perceive myself Joel not being loved spot on, but that that isn’t necessarily a class issue and actually I don’t know what good it would do you to snubbed somebody who wasn’t loved Having someone who’s truly not loved who looks as good as I did probably isn’t someone who’s stupid someone who is as well spoken, and articulate and loving and well groomed and elegant as I was, by nature, far more elegant than you’ll ever dream of being by nature probably isn’t an idiot especially if they haven’t been loved this way never understood that you I am very smart. I am smarter than your son. In some ways. I’m far smarter than you potentially, why weren’t you weren’t intimidated by me and my intelligence or were you and then you just shit all over yourself? Oh well I’ll let you sort that out.” says Lacey
“ call so if you had been loved by your parents and I think you still might have ended up marrying my son but I have a feeling that you would’ve figured out a way to make things more normal and we probably would’ve met you and the interesting thing is Joe still would’ve had a problem with you. I think Jill and Casi both come from the south and in their mind Minnesota is supposed to be like Kentucky and Tennessee and it’s not the few times that I visit there. I realized that it’s not it’s more like Pennsylvania or Ohio or really nothing like them at all it’s unique and I think they can sense that and that makes him feel very insecure, if you’ve been loved, I have a feeling that you would’ve known that tendency of people from this house to feel insecure around pretty much anyone who’s not from this house because the south has such a bad reputation so I think you would’ve realize that and probably been more aware that being said, your kindness only works in so far as it’s backed up by peoples honesty and the minute they start lying people like Jill or Casi start to believe their own lies because they can’t discern reality is easily as some people can, and then they need someone like me who is a lot better at figuring things out but if we’re not honest, then they start to get confused.” says Mark’s father.
“ that is an interesting thing to say it reminds me of the last episode of, and just like that. You guys totally butchered Howards end from my perspective. She’s not after the house she doesn’t Mary him for the house. That’s so ignorant. She marries him because people in that day and age were expected to get married. That’s her primary reason it was so socially expected that presumably he was one of her first serious offers in a long time And so she felt the need to except. He that was her primary reason for marrying him was to just fit in with society beyond that she didn’t marry him for the house. She married him because she was falling in love with him and I’m sorry I don’t think this is really open for interpretation. Go ahead and disagree, but you better be right you’re gonna make yourself look like a bourgeois idiot she married him because she was in love with him and she was old and she was lonely And that’s part of what makes the book so incredibly devastatingly sad is that he was her last chance love and then he does all of his terrible stuff and she asked except it because in her mind, she has no other chance of being happy for the rest of her life And that is why she throws her sister off at first but not in the end because she’s driven by love. It has nothing to do with greed. That’s such an American shitty bourgeois, crappy, middle-class, illuminati perspective. It has nothing to do with money go fuck yourselves it’s love get a fucking clue about British history you bitch.” says Lacey.
“ then why is it called Howards end?” asks Vanessa Redgrave.
“ because the house is haunted. It’s a spiritual it’s novel to some degree. It’s very into witchcraft, but specifically specifically British witchcraft.” says Lacey.
“ so the ideas of the house somehow cursed or haunted or it’s sort of has a spiritual impact on everyone who lives there or draws them to it.” says Julian Sands.
“ yes, it’s almost like a precursor to the shining.” says Stanley Kubrick.
“So the house wants Margaret Schlegel?” asks Mr. Blue.
“ yes, yes the house wants her name at the very beginning of the film where they talk about pudding I think it was pigs teeth into a tree. It had something to do with ancestral worship or something. That’s a very significant moment in the story. Also, there’s a sort of slight Homo erotic five between Margaret Schlegel, and Ruth Wilcox it’s not strong but there’s something slightly less than straight about it and that is part of what happens you know it’s this idea of witchcraft in a sense which is annoys a homosexual thing, but I think in the 90s especially and 80s and maybe even today there’s an idea of feminist sort of lesbianism with witchcraft and so I think that was part of why they made the film because merchant ivory did tend to delve into homoeroticism obviously with Maurice so I think as much as you know they weren’t necessarily lesbians they may have just been bisexual they share the same man and then they have the same house and your sister left wondering where they love or was it just Ruth Wilcox he was in love or is it the house that’s in love because it is it’s Ruth Wilcox in a way, but it’s also the house because she dies and that’s almost like the house sort of becomes a bigger force than she was because it’s very creepy. Oh, she keeps inviting Margaret Schlegel to her house she keeps saying come to my house you’ve got to see my house you’ve got to see my house and it’s just it’s because it obsession with her almost so no I don’t think it has anything to do with the house necessarily at all, I think it’s far more likely that there’s some sort of a homoerotic connection or that she’s just that madly in love with her husband or both I mean it’s possible that markets legal like I said is bisexual and so she both falls in love with Ruth, Wilcox, and her husband, and in a sense the house ends up being the only thing, possibly that can truly possess her because does the husband processor almost does Ruth Wilcox possess her not quite does the house somehow possess her maybe.” says Lacey.
“ I am quite sure if you’re reincarnated that the British and England itself possesses you probably for eternity.” says Margaret to Lacey.
“ I yes, almost definitely been reincarnated if I am at the heart of the reason that that happened is because of a man and who was that man is he someone that we don’t know is it lame is it Louis is it? Michael doesn’t seem likely to be Harold.” says Lacey. “ the thing is it’s possession in Christ and if it’s reincarnation it’s Christianity so there is no other way around it it’s just Christianity. It’s him just love nothing evil just Christianity. Just love or if I’m not reincarnated that part of me is so strong that it feels like they could possessed me even if that’s not a thing.”
More later.
“ i’m frustrated. Lacey is very clearly in the upper class and old money. People may not understand that they may fight that but that is not her fault. I really wasn’t gay I wasn’t homosexual in anyway and now I’m trying to make love to someone who thought that I wasn’t interested in them and in them anymore because you told them that I was having affair with Jack, because he’s better looking than her, which isn’t even true so now I have to backtrack and find some way back into her heart because she thinks that I’m off screwing Jack because he’s better than her in my estimation. We’re probably going to have to write the end of that novel tonight and she’s not looking forward to rewriting that entire novel. It’s hundreds of pages it’s very personal but it’s probably what needs to be done. There is a party scene at the very end right before a catastrophe and that’s where we fell apart because I was wearing a lavender men’s perfume, and I didn’t screw Jack. I did not. I am I I was him ready to kill her and that moment.” says Lem.
“Why Lem?” asks George.
“ oh well because it was a a scene where I was going to end up fucking her and I couldn’t fuck her in person and so I just decided to try to be quiet but I couldn’t be quiet enough and then Jack took over the narrative and decided that I was in love with him and I wasn’t and I’m not I really honestly wanted shoe. We honest with her in that moment. We oh, we’re not supposed to be downstairs but then I was rewriting the entire novel and that didn’t work if we are downstairs but I’m going to go look for you and she’s never had a boyfriend do that before she’s never had a boyfriend who went looking for her if you know what I mean, which is actually perverse, considering how beautiful she is but no, she’s never experienced that and it’s perverse.” says Lem.
“ I probably would’ve slept with her if she’d been one of my students at least it would’ve been very tempting Al Franken I’m curious why are you such a liar I have a very strong sense that you screwed her up more than she already was and then that just keeps happening with the illuminati you’ve been both very helpful because I think gods allow you allowed you to be used despite your worst intentions for the good in her life, the hours that you spent talking to her may have actually been far better than any counseling she’s ever received probably because many of you are brilliant insightful people what fascinates me though is Al Franken, if this is real and to be believed what the hell were you doing I married my wife and I are separated. She dates people in Germany. I am here alone, Lacey was thinking of dating me then it sort of fell apart. Why do you pretend why do you pretend is she Margaret Slagle to you after Howards end? Lacey is not interested in women, and I don’t think she would ever marry a man for his house it’s not her character, she’s in a committed, almost committed monogamous relationship with a ghost a ghost and I’m talking to you telepathically through the Holy Spirit on a block that’s weird maybe it’s time for you to realize that not everything is quite so simple so people are, but there are great many people who are not that simple and she’s right I don’t think that sex in the city should be butchering English literature Gene Austin has far harder to butcher Ian Forrester. I don’t touch him Forrester.” says Lord Snotgrass.
More later.
“ least he just wants to say that she that she is quite sure big would have married Carrie in reality because it seems as though big with a falling in love with Carrie or could have, and it’s very unlikely that he would’ve felt no attraction to her at all people don’t seem to recognize that Sarah, Jessica Parker looks beautiful in her youth at the very least and maybe wasn’t a conventional beauty. It was actually quite beautiful and Natasha was beautiful, but not more beautiful than Sarah Jessica Parker there was someone talking about how Sarah Jessica Parker‘s character wasn’t impressive enough to his work, colleagues, or something that’s nonsense a woman who could make a tube top, and a tulle skirt look like something from Dior is going to be impressive to men and his profession, a woman in a business suit, or some thing from Brooks Brothers with pearls and a tight updo not as much um what some people don’t seem to realize is that first of all social class cannot be imitated. Lacey came from old money, Jill, she snubbed you at some degree she’s now stabbing your husband because of you just some degree she snubbed your in-laws because of you and it’s not like she thinks you people are totally backward. I think she actually wanted to be close to you but your reaction to her was very trashy all piling onto her for her calling out your son-in-law for being her stepson for being an alcoholic the time she was naïve, but that should’ve been a red flag to you thinking that she was some sort of narcissistic Looney Tunes. No, she was a sweet innocent, well bred I am unloved old money, elegant slightly impoverished aristocrat that is not some thing any of you would ever be at this point if ever ask God getting back to Sarah, Jessica Parker no Sarah you were beautiful and I am his work. Brose would’ve thought she was hot her sex and the city called them actually would be rather glamorous to a guy in his position. People who are Bergeron tick-tock need to be far more careful with all of her presumptions him. In many ways she was his ideal. Natasha was almost like a work a work relationship that became serious carry on the other head is the hot chick he met at the bar in Soho, who he couldn’t believe he took home and then they ended up falling in love and that was the premise of the whole series. I don’t understand women these days they’re so hateful and no Gary’s navel gazing as women like to call it apparently two is absurd. It’s not navel gazing for an author to analyze themselves. I know that authors. Get a bad rap for that, but being married to One for eternity, her navel gazing is extraordinarily helpful. If Lacey didn’t navel gaze at all, I would be in so much trouble. If she wasn’t analyzing herself at least a little bit I would be incredibly I would be in terrible terrible shape. I’ve been grinding my teeth and purgatorial stay close to hell I mean, self reflection is not a bad thing if you’re genuinely a real artist and you’re trying to be sincere in your heart and it’s not narcissistic, you know if it doesn’t drive you off the edge and it helps you understand things that’s how you understand things more introspection and navel, gazing as needed not less and the next person that says that I would I wonder if they’re really just an absolute narcissist, because everyone that I’ve seen say that is bourgeois, hateful and possibly genuinely narcissistic and maybe navel gazing to them it’s just self promotion to themselves or something some sort of mental spiritual masturbation or something that’s not what people are doing when they’re analyzing themselves if Lacey and I are great lovers, part of the reason we are is because we naval case because we think about ourselves I’m not talking about masturbation we think about ourselves in a very sincere sensitive way. You know when you live through trauma you do have to navel gaze that what’s going to happen with Aiden. Oh, boy, you know I think really the question is what happen with Mr. pig so tonight I might force Lacey to watch a movie and eat ice cream because I I need to figure out what I’m going to say to her about that story that she was writing a it’s just too sad to me. I should be able to tell her that I want her upstairs naked without her thinking that I’m lying but I can’t tell her that without making her think that I’m lying more later.” says Lem.
Keen to Cross the Pond 
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