An Apology

About The Weather by Tom Rosenthal plays.

“Lacey is owed an apology.” says Lem Billings. “I haven’t spoken to the Kennedy family since I died.”

The song plays.

“From Casi Hart:

Dear Lacey,

You are not evil hearted or garbage. You’re just my better and I hated you. You’re the rightful wearer of Chanel No. 22. I barely understand anything, and I can’t understand Chanel No. 22. It’s far too complex a fragrance for me to understand easily and I’m not humble enough to understand that.

Truth is…I’m sorry. I ruined the entire perfume community by hating you so psychotically and obsessively. I think I thought they’d care about you more but that was very naive of me. I assumed because you’re so wealthy and were obviously more naturally beautiful than everyone else that you’d be loved. That was very naive. They turned on you so easily and it’s extremely depressing but I pretend otherwise. It almost makes me feel hated too. I saw them bullying you and it hit me how…evil they were. It was shocking.

I ruined the one thing you enjoyed most. And you were one of the best. Without you there the community doesn’t even exist. It’s a sad joke. You weren’t a pillar you were the reason the community existed…I suspect. They need to get over themselves.

I’m sorry.”

says Lem. “That’s close to what I’d suggest.”

The song plays.

“Dear Lacey,

I’m sorry. I’ve lied. I’ve lied a lot.

Jack Kennedy.”

says Lem.

“Dear Lacey,

My family has almost destroyed the independent nation of Ireland by attacking you.

Joe P. Kennedy Sr.”

says Lem.

The song plays.

“Dear Lacey,

I’m sorry. You’re my socio-economic superior. I have no advice to give you about possibly anything. I bullied you as did everyone else, out of jealousy. I’m sorry I was so narcissistically competitive.

Susan Little.”

says Lem.

The song plays.

“It should be Susan.” says Lacey.

“Dear Lacey,

You’re better than me too. I’m obsessed with you. It’s weird and creepy. Because I like to think it’s the other way around. And I too bullied you out of jealousy.

Frannie from Alabama.”

says Lem.

The song plays.

“Dear Lacey,

I couldn’t stand that you were in a higher class than me or your good character or superior natural beauty. I’m very conceited.

Marji and David.”

says Lem.

The song plays.

“Dear Lacey,

I hated your superiority too.

The Australian and European perfume community in general.”

says Lem.

The song plays.

“Dear Lacey,

We leveraged real racism which you don’t possess…against you…to gain power in the perfume community. We too were obsessed and insecure, but I think both of us knew it was evil and stupid on a deeper level. We know better. We hope we know better. Sorry for not giving a shit about your humanity and being hypocritical fools.

The black perfume community.”

says Lem.

The Boat by Hania Rani from Ghosts plays.

“Dear Lacey,

We ruined the world merely to spite you.

The Blues & The Bat Crew.”

says Lem.

“Dear Lacey,

We aren’t all bourgeois, competitive fools.

Black people.”

says Lem.

“Dear Lacey,

Sorry we dropped you on your head while you were eating from our breast and then crushed in your innocent infant skull to try to fuck Jesus?

All living women over the age of 15.”

says Lem.

“I’d like to be left out of that last one.” says Mary Rockefeller, twin of Michael Rockefeller.

“A few of us in England would like to be left off that list too.” says Queen Camilla.

Lem smiles at them with sincere love and hope.

“I have faith that it’s possible they really do care.” says Lacey.

Mary Rockefeller smiles.

“You mean us, only? Mary Rockefeller and us?” says Queen Camilla to Lacey.

“Yes!” says Lacey.

“We’re going to go rewatch The Crown. And cry. I’m dead but…Lacey is not and…she is mourning today.” says Lem.

More later.

Lacey is having fun when Bobby Kennedy Junior interrupts to express that his family is supposed to be intimidating to Lacey by virtue of being in the Illuminati.

A dead black man eats a sandwich and waits to be entertained. “Oh no. This is gonna be good!” he says. He makes Lacey laugh.

Bobby clams up.

The dead black man shrugs waiting for the big reveal.

All of Africa sits waiting patiently to hear the news.

“You got something to say boy, say it.” says another dead black man to the still living Bobby Kennedy Jr..

“We may have channeled Jack Kennedy to let Michael die, if we did hold any responsibility.” says the dead Asmats, who love Lacey. They may understand her horrific troubles.

“It’s possible that Michael and Lacey love Lem. Each in their own way. Not both as lovers. Although if that made sense they could be a threesome if Lem wasn’t straight. Except…they’re all monogamous too.” explains Harold Loeb.

“I left the US because I could sense this would happen. I am only partially responsible for the situation!!” says Diego Blue. “You are not going to leave me holding the bag!”

“The thing is…Lacey and Lem. Lacey and Michael. Or she’s genuinely loving enough to love Lem and Michael both. But…she prefers to be in a monogamous marriage.” says Harold Loeb.

“As do we.” says Michael on behalf of Lem and him.

“BOY! You got something to say?!” yells a black woman at Robert Kennedy Junior.

“You guys are weird!” says JKF to the they in the Illuminati. “I think it’s beautiful those three could love each other that much.” He sighs. Crosses his arms. “The thing is…I believe them that that’s not going to work. Lem is straight. And they all want monogamy.” He smiles and laughs, happily.

“Maybe Jack is badly suited for most romantic relationships, forget a complex threesome.” says Mariah Carey.

JKF closes his eyes. Bows to Mariah Carey. “YES!” he says to agree with her. “I’m not God, I can’t see into people’s hearts but I highly suspect Lem was heterosexual. …But regardless…Jack may not…be able to sustain a relationship with two people.”

“Bobby…you better speak up!” yells a black woman. “I’m warning you, brother.”

“He ain’t gotta say shit!” says a demon of laziness on his behalf.

“Why?!” asks the black woman.

“Because.” says the demon.

“Because why?” asks the black woman.

“Because he thinks it.” says the demon.

“Why that matter?” she asks.

The demon shrugs.

“Nah. I say, why that matter?!?” yells the woman.

The demon snarls. “You better go talk to God.”

Bobby Kennedy Junior laughs triumphantly as a budding white supremacist. He feels extremely superior to Lacey by some convoluted virtue he imagines is real?

“Didn’t your people help organize the Underground Railroad?” asks all living black men of Lem.

“Yes!” says Lem.

“And Lacey’s family on the Seay side owned two historic plantations starting in the 1730’s.” says all living black women.

“Yes!” says Lem.

“It isn’t a problem.” say the Seays.

“I agree.” says Lem’s mom, sadly.

“Bobby…was your family even here back then?!” ask all African American descendants of American slaves.

“Umm…kinda.” says Bobby Kennedy Jr..

“Where?!?” asks a living black woman.

“Umm…maybe we had a plantation on my mom’s side?” Bobby Kennedy Jr. says awkwardly.

“Yeah right!” says the entire black perfume community to Bobby Kennedy Jr.. “They were white peasants until the late 1800’s?” They scoff. “And I bet y’all are peasants again now too? Huh?”

“Mostly.” says a Skakel.

The living black perfume community nods in understanding. “Y’all are liars. It’s true.” they say to the Kennedy family.

“We had loads of money. But we might not be as grand as the Seays or people in Lem’s family.” says Edith Beale. “Don’t let Jackie fool you.”

“I’m sick of hearing your self-pitying bullshit!” Babe Paley yells at all the Kennedys. “You all feel so damn sorry for yourselves about everything.”

“Oh! Poor me. Lem didn’t like my tits!” says Truman Capote mockingly of Jackie Kennedy. “Oh poor me! I had to spend hour to look like Lacey when she’s deadly ill and vomiting.” He cries. “Lacey and I are allies in Christ.” He thinks. “I’m not dumb enough to think I have anything to do with those people, Jack.” He sighs. “And I’m not pathetic enough to demand worship from people who simply want to be my friend.” says Truman to Jackie. He thinks.