“Ode To My Family II” by Bobby Kennedy Junior

Alright. I got a little off track.

Let’s go back to the family I came from.

We were rich. Not like…Rockefeller rich…but rich. Once the money was spent…it went. And there were a lot of us. But there was a lot of money.

Disparate Youth by Santigold plays.

We had a lot of us.

But…that’s American.

Or it was.

The thing that’s really unique about us though is how we were…social justice pioneers in a way. Really.

See…we didn’t conform to gender norms. Jack wore loose, blousy stuff. He was a very elegant and energetic man when he felt good. And he loved music and sports and art. He was…witty and glib and charming.

And Eunice and her sisters, my aunts, were all straight too, but they wore rather…Katharine Hepburn style clothes. It was…also very charming.

People have said for years that my aunts lacked femininity and failed to decorate well. But we were pioneers.

They didn’t see a need to be into fashion. They liked sports and politics and sex. And drugs. And family.

Yes. I’m going to make a good president.

Nowadays we don’t do drugs. But for years we did. And that’s when Lem was our best player.

Things go in and out of fashion.

We were pioneers in racial justice.

Back in those early days we were there. Bringing understanding and friendship between the races. We were aware of the importance of God.

Janet was Joe’s secretary. And she looks like Elisabeth Moss. And we knew. She also has Casi’s face. We knew she was extremely good-looking. If you read her memoire she tells you that.

She was perfect. And Joe just couldn’t resist. And that’s okay. We all have flaws.

We have flaws. And…sometimes things are weird. And you realize…you’re wrong.

She was like Lem Billings. And in a way she reminds me of Lacey. But…we all are alike at the end of the day.

I’m sure she was a good player. Lots of players are going to come into your life and the important thing is to be able to play.

Lots of you might wonder why I’m so enjoyable to read. I sound more intense and boring in public. Well…that’s my public persona. And see I thinks that what Janet did. She had a secret weapon too. And it was her charm. Just like this. And Rose just needed to learn to be more patient. But I have to learn to be more patient too.

Lem chose to be gay. But we didn’t choose that for him.

Sure. There were times he would stop talking in a gay way and yell. Especially when we were alone together. Sometimes he would rub the palm of his hand through his hair and look ready to shoot himself. And I almost wondered if he was going to cry. And I was strong. Because as a son figure in his life…I knew he didn’t have anyone to talk to. My mom was the same way but she was a woman.

Of course of Jack had been there he’d have told Lem to go lay down and he’d have made Lem lasagna or he’d have made Lem make lasagna. Everyone loves lasagna.

But nobody was there to make lasagna or set things up to make lasagna. And so we didn’t eat well at times. But he let us buy lots of drugs.

Heroin, cocaine, lots of drugs. All the biggies. Sometimes we even combined them. And I almost overdid it and died dozens of times. But that was my fault.

Lem was my buddy but he was so gay. Jack was his friend because he was kind. But Lem was obviously gay. He yells so high pitched. And he laughed high pitched and he poked out his pinky when he drank form tea-cups. And sometimes he’d hold his hands pretty and once or twice he’d do the whole pearl clutch. Wiggle like a girl or fold his legs in an exaggerated way. He always minced his words when he was trying to make a point. …Darling!! Darling!! And…and…he never did the whole neat gay thing but he…held up his pinky. And Jack swore he was gay. I heard him yell my dad once.

He said to my dad, “Bobby!! Bobby…Lem is the faggot.”

“No, Jack. We can’t keep doing this.” said my father.

“Bobby! He’s the faggot! Don’t worry.” said Jack.

And well…my father fell backwards into his seat and started crying. And I don’t think I have ever been more relieved. Because my dad was terrified for some reason that Lem wasn’t homosexual. And…I’ve never understood why. But Jack swore it. And pork Jack would have known having to deal with Lem all the time. Because boy, Lem really was so damn gay.

I like gay men. But sometimes they annoy me. Because they don’t like to talk about sex with me. And Lem didn’t either to be honest.

But he was kind. When he’d yell at me in his straight voice I even got scared at times. Which is why I consider him a father. Because it was scary. It was almost like he really was trying to kill me. You know? Man!

No, but he did all the gay stuff! And he was so good at impersonating people. I really loved him. We all did.

Yeah. His shoulders look straight. His whole body does. Even his hair does. But look what he’s doing with his eyes. And his eyebrows. See that’s gay. That’s authentic gay shit.

He’s doing the same thing with his eyes here. Nothing else about him looks gay. And Lacey says Jack looks bisexual. …But Jack was straight.

See…the thing is…it’s a choice. And sure Lem’s energy reads as straight…and when the Illuminati conjures him he has sex with Lacey. And I guess she’s a woman. But…he was gay. And why would he choose to be anything different now? I like to respect the dead! I like to respect his final wishes! And I don’t understand why people think his ghost would-I don’t understand why people think his ghost would come back and say- I mean…no. That’s disgusting! His ghost would never come back and say that he was straight.

And all his best friends always tell me he was gay!! Yeah. So what if they’re not gonna know for sure? We KNEW HIM!!! He was OURS!!!!

KIRK LEMOYNE BILLINGS WAS OURS!!!!!!!!!

KIRK LEMOYNE BILLINGS WAS OURS AND IS OURS!!!!!

On behalf of ALL OF HIS MANY BRILLIANT, DEEP, SOPHISTICATED, SELF-AWARE AND AMAZINGLY INSIGHTFUL FRIENDS: HE WAS A FAGGOT!!!! HE WAS A FAGGOT!!!! And we love him. We knew him better than some bitch with weird breasts.

I could have easily married that woman! But I didn’t. For a damn good reason!

See! Now she’s perfect! And those were easy fixes!!

Why…would Lem…want this?

When he could have this:

“Because he’s not just focused on sex. He wants Jack because Jack was an amazing man.” says JP Kennedy.

Exactly. That hologram pretending to be my grandfather is right.

Jack was a hilarious, glamorous, sexy, funny, intelligent, suave, rich, witty, and kind and amazing man. He raped people? Whatever! Occupational hazard of being a rich playboy! He was straight and BRILLIANT.

Lem was a giver.

He was taller than Jack. And our family made a big deal about that. We teased him about it often. But Lem was a giver and he loved being in the position of being the giver.

It DEVASTATED HIM! It DEVASTATED him…and HE NEVER RECOVERED!!! All of his friends and experts say he NEVER RECOVERED! He always cried over Jack everyday. All day. And wanted to die for him. He masturbated to Jack. He LOVED JACK!!! And everyday he told everyone, “All I want to do is die because Jack is my lover and I’m gay and I want to die!!”

“But he never came out of the closet.” says NBC.

Yes!! He did. In his own secret way!!

He’d sit around. And all of his friends would say, “Don’t die Lem! Don’t die! Jack doesn’t want you to die Lem! You are so so sick!”

No. He masturbated to THIS:

ALL OF THAT!!

“Bobby…how much does that actress or model look like Lacey?” asks Al Franken.

“They look a lot alike.” says Bobby.

She lies. She’s lying to be modest. But it’s stupid. Who finds that arousing anymore?

“Why wouldn’t we want that?” asks Al Franken.

“It’s for old men!” says Bobby.

“Bobby…Lem would be 107.” says Al Franken.

“That’s not that old. Not at my age.” says Bobby.

“107 is old!” says Al Franken.

“Okay. But he was way ahead of his time!” says Bobby, laughing.

“Bobby he was born in 1916.” says Al Franken.

“Yeah. Okay.” says Bobby. “And I guess her father was born in 1894.”

“He might have been. We don’t actually know.” says Al Franken. “Bobby…we don’t know everything. For real.“

“I mean I guess she’s okay. She’s curvy.” says Bobby. “Men supposedly like that. But…look at her hips. Lacey has hip dips.”

She looks like these women too. But she’s smaller.

On Melancholy Hill by Gorillaz plays.

“Bobby…what did you see?” asks Al Franken.

Al…that’s not necessary.

“No. What did you see?” asks Al Franken. “I haven’t been walking in on them. You have. And that’s part of the reason I got involved.”

“Look…I think Lem just thinks about Elliott Roosevelt.” says Bobby.

“To get aroused?” asks Al Franken.

“Yes.” says Bobby.

“What did you see though? With your eyes?!?” asks Al Franken.

“He was in the missionary position. The sex position. The missionary sex position.” says Bobby.

“Did he seem bothered like I do? Right now?” asks Al Franken.

“Yeah. But I don’t know how to help.” says Bobby.

“With my…attitude?” asks Al Franken.

“Yeah. You seem angry.” says Bobby. “And yeah. Come to think of it, so did he.”

“I’ll be fine. Maybe you can just pray. Do you pray at all?” asks Al Franken.

“Why are you bringing that up?” asks Bobby, suddenly hurt.

“Because you do pray.” says Al Franken. “We’re aware. You tell us. Often.”

“Who?” asks Lem.

“The Jews.” says Al.

“Oh. Is Lacey’s body just Jewish?” asks Bobby.

“No. It’s like an old woman. But she’s 40.” says Al Franken.

“Why’d you have remind her that she’s 40?” asks Bobby.

“I think that’s comforting to her.” says Al.

“Why?” asks Bobby.

“Bobby what else did you see?” asks Al.

Later.

“He was making noise. You know. Like…I have sometimes heard in porn and made myself.” says Bobby.

“Then it was good for him.” says Al.

“Not really!” says Bobby.

“Why?” asks Al.

“Because he wasn’t crying. It…looked…too…calm.” says Bobby.

“Calm?” asks Al.

“Yeah. They weren’t moving.” says Bobby.

“Because you walked in on them.” says Al.

“So?!” says Bobby.

“So maybe they didn’t want you to see.” says Al.

“The door was locked. But I had to save Lem.” says Bobby.

“I don’t think you needed to save Lem.” says Al.

“Why?!” asks Bobby.

“Because I think he was fine.” says Al.

Come Together by The Beatles plays.

“Let’s just…keep in mind that Jack is dead…and so is Lem…and if we kill Lacey…we lose control of her completely.” says Al.

“Yeah right.” says Bobby.