We’ll See

Turns out the last post might not be edited for a while. Diego is a tragic case. Diego is a lot of people. He’s a minority, he grew-up poor in the sort of poverty that hasn’t really ever been described because people don’t like to acknowledge that it exists.

And the problem is…Chris Hayes…slept with him. They were madly in love if either men are capable of love.

So when Diego messed-up Chris covered for him.

Kate is…slutty…and she looks pretty on screen but she’s also hideous looking in reality. And yet Chris is profoundly indebted to her.

So…when Diego arrived…Chris fell for him. Diego felt like…a savior. Chris believed him. Everything made so much more sense or he felt so happy he didn’t care. It’s Kismet indeed.

Diego targeted Lacey.

She had tagged Chris Hayes on Instagram because he looked like Michael. And Lem a tiny bit. And lots of men who are her type. She found him attractive.

But she never expected it to escalate to Diego calling her from a radio station in New York City. She couldn’t answer fast enough. But it wouldn’t have made any difference. He likely only meant to get her attention because he called back once more and she answered and he said, “Hello. This is Chris.” and then hung-up.

“I need to be loved!” Chris repeatedly told her. But it wasn’t true. He was only Diego’s imaginary version of Chris. And Diego hated Lacey at that time. He wanted to make her a sacrifice.

And Chris covered for him. Far too much.

“I told him to annihilate her if he felt she was a threat to his own life.” confesses Chris to the Illuminati leaders. “And so for years he did…try.”

“But what?” asks the CIA.

“I didn’t feel bad. And…it didn’t scare me.” says Chris.

Venom by Little Simz plays.

“She wasn’t a good choice for a sacrifice and I shouldn’t have molested kids. I know that. But…I got…so evil and confused. And now I’m fighting for both Hamas and Israel. BOTH.” says Diego. “I can’t commit suicide. So I am…letting myself die…of natural causes.”

“I can’t let him die.” says Chris.

“I can’t believe you loved me!” says Diego, happily.

It’s like Stranger’s On A Train. But Hellish.

“We hated Lacey I guess because she’s so pure and beautiful. And rich. And superior. But…it was our insecurities about Kate that did it. …Gay couples are accepted. And we could hang with Erin. Diego even thought about marrying her. But…we couldn’t get rid of Kate. We needed her connections.” says Diego.

“Chris wanted to kill Kate.” says Chris Hayes.

“No. You never would.” says Diego. “But Lacey was…evil and worthless to us. And…Erin was offended, it’s true.”

“See I just assumed you were Joe Kennedy Junior.” says an Illuminati witch sincerely.

“We shat all over ourselves to out the evil. We made Balenciaga look like a political campaign poster with some candidate’s last name to explain why. They make money of child hostages.” says Balenciaga.

“WHY?!?” yells Chris Hayes. “Why do you all explain?!?”

“Because it’s wrong!” says Balenciaga.

“We don’t have a choice. We have…bills to pay.” says Chris Hayes. “I mean…I work damn hard. I have since childhood. My…life has been psychologically privileged. But…I work a lot. And…honestly…I think…I think…you all have delusions.”

“About what?” asks Nicole Kidman.

“About the same shit the Boomers did! Change. What change? It’s just…not possible. And I love my money.” says Chris. “I’m not ashamed of my money.”

“You enjoy being rich or you love money?” asks George Bush.

“I love…money.” says Chris Hayes.

“Okay. So you and Diego decided to sacrifice Lacey. And it’s been wildly unsuccessful.” says Hitler. “You’ve not done well.”

“When will it count?” asks Diego.

“Never.” says God.

“What happens if you successfully sacrifice me?” asks Lacey.

“We are blessed with beauty…and purity.” he says.

“And money?” asks Moby.

“Yeah. We were narcissistically angry but also we get stuff. We get like…beauty.” says Ethel. “We felt our beauty was being stolen by her being allowed to live.”

“That’s theologically insane.” says Lacey.

“But she’s not stealing it. You all were trying to.” says Lem.

“Yes. But because she’s alive it was becoming even more of an issue for us. Because we needed her beauty.” says Ethel.

“No. You’d not get my beauty.” says Lacey.

“What would happen?” asks Chris.

“You’d get awful parasites?” says Lacey. “They’d start popping up in your food. And plagues. And hurricanes that would destroy huge populations.”

“What else?” asks Donald Trump Junior.

“Tornadoes. Animals would start attacking you.” says Lem.

“Like in Birds?” asks Chris Hayes.

“Yes! But lots of animals.” says Lem.

“Huh. So she’s not sacrificable?” asks Chris.

“Yes.” says Lem. “It’s a lie anyway. But sometimes…people don’t…tolerate it.”

“Well…what happens now?” asks Chris.

“You get a raise!” says MSNBC.

“Why?” asks Chris in a humble voice.

Listomania by Phoenix plays.

Diego weeps.

“Because you are not…normal.” says MSNBC.

“Yeah?” says Chris.

“Yeah. Dude! We love you.” says MSNBC. “You managed to make a terrible situation better by keeping a cool head.”

“But Diego started Progress Ten.” says Chris Hayes.

“Yeah…but like…it’s okay?” says Kate.

“I will keep trying to deactivate it!” says Diego.

“We have ten hours.” says the FBI.

i’m not yours sped up by Isabel LaRosa plays.

“That’s okay.” says the CIA.

“Yeah. It’s cool.” says Zelensky. “Go team!!”

“Putin’s angry?” asks Chris.

“Yeah. He’s exhausted. He says he’s worried. It’s a lot of work for him to take over the US.” says the CIA.

“He’s joking. Right?” asks MSNBC.

“Lean forward?” asks Putin.

“It’s a Satanic thing. Like kill yourself.” says MSNBC.

“Yeah. Lacey leaned forward. And we believe love is worthless from pretty, round faced, straight women. Unless they’re underage.” says MSNBC.

“Yes. I’ve always thought that. Lean forward and fall on your pretty face, your worthless pieces of shit.” says a 50 year old dude.