Wild Man

I’m Not Over by Carolina Liar plays.

Picture the scene: Lem Billings stands and watches in the background, sexually frustrated, holding his own, exasperated, praying that his wife and children are taken to Heaven to be with him as soon as possible because he is exasperated, extraordinarily exasperated and meanwhile Lacey stands near the Minneapolis Institute of Art next to a mansion, according to some people, but it’s really just an 8000 square-foot house worth maybe $4 or $5 million from the 1890s maybe $6 or $7 million. It’s not a cheap house but the point is that it could be where she would’ve lived and the man that she would’ve owned it with is either dead or he’s still alive but he’s not doing so well anymore and he might end up dead in the next 5 to 10 years.

He looks a bit like Michael but he’s not Michael he’s from Minnesota. Anyway, don’t do too much much research the point is he’s confused because he knows Lacey fairly well and he knows that if was his wife she’d like to spend the next 10 to 20 years just reading and traveling and knitting and going to meetings and working at the art museum and maybe she’d date someone but it’s not likely because it didn’t work out, it just never worked out. Younger men just never seem to understand her.

It all would become crystal clear to him when they’d go shopping together at Williams Sonoma and she’d pick out all of the Staub and Lodge cookware the same way that a woman in her 60s would when she was in her 30s. Lacey has grand taste. But it’s more the way she does it.

He thought, “This is enough! I have a wife my age. I don’t think this is a joke or a trick she’s playing on me. I think I am almost younger than she is at times. In some weird way.”

He says:

And anyway, she is ready to go into hibernation for real. That’s not a myth. It’s not a joke. She’s exasperated and tired and yet she still is 40.

She still has her 40 year old body. And that’s fun but internally she really actually is sort of an old woman. Sorry if that makes women jealous who are in their 70s and wish they had a 40-year-old body again to please their husbands in bed. It’s umm…it’s nicer. But let me tell you something it’s not perfect when people aren’t shallow. When one’s in love.

It would’ve been nice if she had been raised by her father, don’t you think? And wouldn’t it be nice if I could’ve seen her get old alongside me at around the same age? I mean I find that kind of romantic and sexy. And if we died at the same time I wouldn’t be worried that she’d fall down the stairs and break her neck and no one would know.

Yeah forget “I’ll Fly Away” or “Birds of Paradise” or whatever the hell that corny bullshit movie from Nicholas Sparks was. He can spark off. I mean seriously though, it’s a stupid film. Who the hell lives that life?!? Maybe some people do. But the way that he rubs it in your face like it’s something you’re supposed to be able to do or you’re a bullshit artist loser? No I can’t stand that movie. And neither can she. “The Notebook.” That’s what it’s called.

Her body is old in it’s own way. That’s also something they wouldn’t expect those jealous seventies-old housewives. So I mean, she’s anemic, and it’s touch and go and she’s 40 and I’m not there in this scenario. So if she lives more than 20 to 30 years I would be shocked. I would be completely shocked if she lives to be more than 70-something. She’ll probably die of a heart attack in her 60s or 70s if not before when Bobby blows her and her kids up or something.

But this is getting dumb…but it’s about to get dumber because Carolina Liar is playing and Zelenskyy is not fully aware that his name is being used to conjure Joe Kennedy Junior, who is now dancing with Boomers, who are young at heart in the way that Lacey and I aren’t apparently. And they all are insistent that she is still in love with him and that he is still in love with her and that she’s just up to something and he’s going to find out and what it is if he serenades her enough and you know rocks her world with his song. And he’s shaking hips in updated for 2023 Elvis. I don’t understand why Joe is singing at us?

Imagine Joe in place of this lead musician for Carolina Liar: