Rich People

Tonight Lacey saw a post on Instagram about a woman who’s husband supposedly made $30,000 a week. It was grotesque.

The woman went on and on and on. Shaming people for buying Louis Vuitton. It was over-the-top.

And Lacey wondered if that’s how she seemed and seems to some people. Thing is…it’s not about the money. $1.4 a year isn’t that rare. …It’s about the attitude.

See…this woman was blatantly bragging. Shaming poor people. That’s never been Lacey’s intent.

Lacey’s intent was and is to shame women and men like the woman bragging. People who use whatever they can to look and feel better than other people. Many of whom were in the perfume community. People who believe with their new money $1.4 million a year that they’re suddenly superior to her cousins who grew-up with that much in the bank several times over. And still have it. Even though Louis Vuitton and Coach are still “in” with them because they respect tradition and value and old brands. And they would never carry a Birkin.

Also Lacey got tired of feeling like Casi and others were constantly judging her or competing with her. Comparing. Always.

Lacey decided, “If you have more than me fine. Then you shouldn’t mind me being honest. At least not on a personal level. You shouldn’t feel threatened. Maybe you’d find me crass…but I don’t care. That’s not the point, so to speak. The point is to make narcissists go through Purgatory.”

“The point was to call people on their bullshit.” says Lem. “Not shame people for being poor.”

“What bullshit!?” asks Casi.

“I often felt you had a delusional view of me. And it was obnoxious. Because you’d go on and on and on and there was no way out of the conversation. And lots of people were like that. They’d instantly compete. To the point of absurdity.” says Lacey.

“I’m narcissistic.” says Casi.

“Fine. You’re still annoying. It’s still annoying. Sorry you’re messed-up, sweetie.” says Lacey.

“What annoyed you most?” asks Dr. Moritz.

“A conversation about Chanel No. 45.” says Lacey. “She made a joke about her rent being $600 a month. Our tent was over $3,000 at the time. I had no idea what to say. And I couldn’t tell if she was trying to make me uncomfortable or if she was obtuse.” says Lacey. “I think I decided she was obtuse.”

“Oh! Oh…you really think Casi was that delusional?” asks a man in Europe. “Huh. …Did you know what she was paying?”

“I’d have guessed $1,200 at most. More likely $700 or so.” says Lacey. “And yes. She seemed genuinely out of touch. Many people did.”

“But like intensely and intentionally out of touch.” says Lem.

“You acted like your rented house worth $150,000.00 would threaten me.” says Lacey to Nancy.

“Oh yeah. How much was your husband making?” asks Nancy.

“$126,000.00.” says Lacey.

“That was years ago.” says Lem. “By the way.”

“Yeah. Lacey’s right. That’s illogical.” says a European.

“But lots of people were like that.” says Lacey.

“Lacey…Lem’s ghost really just is with you. And you’re not Jack. And you’re cis.” says a far left activist. “And you’re baffled as to why we’re so stuck on claiming otherwise.”

“It’s End Times crap.” says Dana Plato. “You people seem like a stalker Antichrist. And you always will.”

“Well…we’re not that evil. Thank goodness.” says a European in the perfume community.

“I was trying to make you uncomfortable.” says Casi.

“Let me as you this: why do you decorate with plated silver?” asks Dmitry.

“It’s lighter. It’s unlikely to hurt someone as much of it falls.” says Lacey.

“Oh. So you have more expensive stuff in storage?” asks another perfume hater.

“Yes! I’ll use it someday.” says Lacey.

“Plated silver is heavy!” says a European perfume collector.

“Not really! Not like sterling silver. Okay, some pieces are. But not the majority, in my experience.” says Lacey.

“So other than the sterling silver teapot you used lightweight things in your latest updated display.” says the perfume collector from Europe.

“Yes!” says Lacey.

“Yeah. And we fixate on your use of plated silver.” says another European perfume collector. “Was that a typical comment?”

“YES!!” yells Lem. “IT WAS REPULSIVE!” he says in frustration.

“And actually…there’s over $1,200 on obvious display. Which isn’t that much. But it’s not like I bought it all for $30.” says Lacey. “That’s amazing when that happens. But…it’s sick to assume that.”

“Did you ever buy perfume on discount sites?” asks a woman in the Middle East.

“Once.” says Lacey. “I bought a bottle of Chloe Narcisse in 2015.”

“So you spent thousands on perfume.” says a European.

“Yes!!” says Lem.

“Why have you stopped buying as much?” he asks.

“I’m nearing the end of my collecting. I might add a few more. But I’m focusing on very specific ones.” says Lacey.

“What would you buy today if you had $60,000 to burn?” he asks.

“Vintage and antique L’Heure Bleue. Vintage and antique Après L’Ondee, and Jicky. Antique Chanel No. 22, Chanel Gardenia and Chanel No. 5. …Sealed vintage Shalimar Parfum. Rausch by JF Schwarzlose. Black Rain by Ranier. And then I’d buy nostalgic stuff.” says Lacey. “Malibu Musk, etc.”

“How much is that?” he asks.

“$8,000.” says Lem.

“Burn the rest of it!” says the man.

“Oh my. That would take time.” says Lacey. “I might just use the money to build a perfume storage room.” says Lacey.

“How much money would you need to feel…content?” he asks.

“I’d have to make $250,000. a year.” says Lem. “That’s our sweet spot.”

“That’s not that much.” he says.

“Did you think Montgomery Clift was like you?” asks Bobby.

“And he secretly liked women in bed more?” asks Lem.

“Yes!” says Bobby.

“Maybe.” says Lem. “Lacey thinks he might have been bisexual.”

“Did he ever tell you he preferred women?” asks Frank Sinatra.

“Maybe you told me that.” says Lem. “That he slept with men but still preferred women.”

“So you assumed he was straight? And confused too?” asks an actress.

“Maybe.” says Lem.

“Why $250,000.00?!” asks a European perfume collector.

“It’s plentiful. But not excessive.” says Lem. “It’s more than enough.”

“Would you feel guilty making more?” asks Janet Fuester.

“Yes.” says Lem.

“You weren’t gay?!” asks Sally B. Smith.

“No! I wasn’t.” says Lem.

Sally stares at him.

“It made me nervous to write about you.” says Sally. “But I thought I was being strong.”

“Where would you two have lived?” asks the perfume collector.

“Her husband could make that much. But he doesn’t. …I was a lot smarter than people often think.” says Lem. “I too was capable of marrying and providing for a family. …Oh well.”

“How much does Joni make a year?!?” asks Casi.

“Or a week?” asks Lacey.

“Yeah. She should make inspirational Instagram posts.” says Casi.

“They’d sound like Norwegian…stoic…nonsense combined with Conservative Christianity to most people.” says Lacey.

“Does it bother you that you live in a $400,000.00 house compared to whatever mansions your cousins live in?” asks Casi.

“No. I wonder if it bothers other people and makes them think less of us. But it doesn’t bother me.” says Lacey. “Truthfully…I love my house. It’s not perfect but…it’s my house. And…it’d take a lot to make me move. Privacy, location, and size and an aesthetic upgrade. Or it’s not worth it.”

“How much is your ideal house worth?” asks Casi.

“$6 million.” says Lem.

“Or Victorian England?” asks God.

“Would we like it?” asks Lem.

“Yes! You would have.” says God.

“Goodnight.” says Lem. “Lacey and I are saying goodnight.”