“Analyzing Miss Julie” by Lem Billings (The Updated Version)

Howlin’ for You by The Black Keys plays.

So…here’s the problem. Miss Julie has sexual desires. And maybe they didn’t know that in the 1950’s but we’re supposed to know that now.

Some men knew that. I sort of understood…but not really. That is part of why the old Madonna/Whore dichotomy existed. They never knew what was going on in women’s minds.

Harold Loeb knew. And he got burned because of it.

F. Scott Fitzgerald knew and it destroyed him.

Hemingway knew…and it tortured him.

I didn’t know. And…that should have bern okay. But it wasn’t. Why? Because Jack Kennedy…was a festering piece of evil shit. His whole family is that vile. But he’s one of the most evil amongst them. He lies and seems sweet but he’s really a heartless monster with an ugly body he dresses well to look pretty. He’s DISGUSTING naked. Americans rarely saw him with no clothes or few clothes. Right? Ha! …When did they ever see him with no clothes? Maybe never. But it was worth saying. Because he’s a fool who used to strip down naked and run crazy high on meth. He loved sexually assaulting people any and everywhere. He was a total violent pervert. But…he lies…very well.

Does Lacey love him? Maybe? Why maybe? Because who is he? How can we even know? We can’t. Not entirely.

But God knows. And…a lover is supposed to know over time. A parent kind of knows…but most people don’t.

Why would a lover know over time? Because they care. I gave no shits about Jack. I…GAVE…NO…SHITS…ABOUT Jack. But he doesn’t know that? Not…entirely. Why? Because he’s a peasant. And peasants used to live in an alternate universe out of poverty. They used lie to feel better. Embarrassingly so.

And the dumbass narcissists in the Illuminati who chose to remake Miss Julie, a stupid-as-fuck 1950’s shithole…HATE Lacey. Why?? Because she’s ELITE. And she knows it but she’s not at all ugly about it and then they have to deal with their constant farts. She’s actually not even necessarily judging them…but…they know she can “smell it.” And they’re violent about it and they’re also incredibly embarrassed.

Diego and Chris farted…violently. They’re STENCH is BAD. And for Chris Hayes is straight out of the Bronx gutter. But like the Kennedys he has very little common sense. So…he thought it made sense…to turn Earth to Mars. Just like the Kennedys.

Or Venus.

Literally.

They struggle to accept plants.

They hate anything that needs something. Why? Because they don’t have a soul…almost. They’re genuinely subhuman.

The Nazis knew subhumans actually exist. And…lots of other people did too.

Lacey and I doubt it’s about race. But there’s a reason we leave criminals to die in a cell.

Lots of things are subconscious. Right Dr. Moritz? *eye-roll* Part of the reason why is because of degrees of intelligence. Lacey has a ditzy side. But it’s because she’s so smart and human. There’s very little she’s unaware of. She’s barely subconscious. At all. And that’s part of the reason some good people hate and hated counseling. And why it also works. It’s a dark thing…but also not.

But…you can’t conquer Lacey. I can. But literally nobody else ever has. …Why can I? Because God allows me to. It’s just who I am.

I never conquered Jack. He was…unconquerable because of his malignant narcissism. Totally unconquerable. But…I didn’t give a fuck. Did I? Why would I?

“I cared!” says JFK.

I didn’t! You were…nothing to me.

“Lacey loves me!” says JFK, smiling.

Yes. I know. Because she loves you. Because you’re capable of being her stepson. But…sweetie…I’m not your dad.

“You coming on to me!” says JFK, grinning.

“I didn’t raise him well.” says JP Kennedy.

“These people actually have oil!?!” says The Pseudo Intellectual Father about The Nesheims.

Let Me Blow Your Mind by Shawn Lee’s Ping Pong Orchestra plays.

“Yes!” says China.

“Asia is like one giant Bill Nye The Science Guy.” says actual lower-class America. It’s not necessarily a stupid observation. He seemingly had a good sense of humor. If he did then maybe they’re on to something.

“So…you think I’m coming on to you?” asks Lem.

“Yes!” says Jack.

“No. I’m not.” says Lem. “Why do you think that?”

“Because. You just said the line from the movie. It’s like…’Jack…I’m not your father.’” says JFK.

“Oh! Like a sexy line from a movie?” asks Lem.

“Yes! Like a sexy movie!” says JFK.

“No. I’m not. I’m completely rejecting you.” says Lem.

“Oh! Right. Because JP Kennedy…is my dad. But…see…he’s an asshole. And you know that now. And you care!!! A LOT!!” says JFK.

“Not…necessarily.” says Lem. “Kind of. But not that much. And you don’t have a right to expect me to.”

“So you care some?” says JFK.

“Yes. But not that much.” says Lem.

“Oh. So you’re completely rejecting me as a possible son.” says JFK.

“Yup!” says Lem.

“Okay. I rapped you. So it makes sense.” says JFK.

“Yes! Where’s your mom!??” asks Lem.

“My mom is shopping.” says Jack.

“Where!?” asks Lem.

“In the city.” says JFK.

“Which city?” asks Lem.

“Tokyo.” says JFK.

“I know. Jack…you rapped me.” Lem reminds him.

“I’ll rape you again?” says JFK.

“No.” says Lem. “God please take him away!”

God takes Jack away.

“I haven’t been able to say that in Lacey’s consciousness, so to speak, for years. Thanks to the Illuminati.” says Lem. He wipes his glasses. Puts them back on his face.

“You sound like me!” says Kacey.

“Yup. It’s called being English.” says Dr. Billings.

Kacey laughs. Then looks worried.

“Lem. Did you accidentally bully Jack?” asks Kacey.

“Yup!” says Lem.

“Shoot.” says Kacey’s father.

“So Lacey’s gay!?!” says America.

“No!!!” yells Jan. “NO!!! She’s not gay.”

“Oh! Because I’m like Lem? So are my brother and father.” says Kacey.

“That’s impossible.” says Bobby Kennedy Junior.

“No. Bobby it’s who we actually are.” says Kacey’s father.

“So the British are all alike!?!?” says Bobby, seriously. He tries to laugh a posh laugh. “When I’m in Great Britain I never notice.”

“Are you slightly German Lem?” asks Kacey’s father.

“Maybe. Or not. I might be Welsh. Or Cornish.” says Lem.

“We came over later.” says Shawn.

“Yeah. You did.” says Lem.

“I kind of regret it.” says Shawn.

“We understand.” says Lem. “But there were reasons.”

Shawn cries.

“Welp.

I guess we did America!” says Lem.

Everybody Wants To Run The World by Tears For Fears plays.

“Yeah.

Wow.” says Shawn.

The song plays.

“Ha!” says Benjamin Franklin.

And at that Dr. Moritz does a cool 1980’s dance.

And Bill Cosby plays the saxophone.

And this is subliminally Lem:

“Thats LEM!” says a dead gay man. He killed himself at 20.

“Why did you kill yourself?” asks an ad agency.

“Because you told me to do with that ad!” he says.

“How!?!?!

It was supposed to be a tribute to Lem on behalf of the closeted gay community in the advertising business and then we took it out in the late 90s…possibly because we could psychically sense that Lacey could figure out that he wasn’t gay…and was getting aroused by him as she grew-up…which could be how she ended-up having nightmares when she was 10…that she was dying of a cigarette overdose.” says advertising in Manhattan in 1990’s.

“YOU KILLED ME!!” yells the gay man. He’s too angry to talk about it.

Another gay man who it affected this way emerges.

“It’s psychological pollution!” says Greta Thurnberg.

“YES!!” says Lacey.

“I was killed by psychological pollution.” say thousands of gay young men who were affected by this ad.

“What did it tell you!?” asks Lacey.

“Okay. So…he’s gay. Right? And I knew that…based on his mannerisms. But…why…the saxophone?!? Why the piano?” asks the gay man.

“Yeah. It’s a cigarette ad. So I knew it was supposed to make me want to smoke. …But why the piano and saxophone?” asks another gag man.

“WHY NOT!?? …They used this ad to try to out me subliminally as bisexual.” says Bill Clinton, in shocked desperation.

“But…why…the saxophone!?” asks one of the thousands of gay men who killed themselves.

“Because…he blows it.” says the advertising agency who created the ads.

“I don’t blow my boyfriend!!” says one of the dead gay men.

“No. Not literally. But…you do…in a way?” says a Don Draper type from the advertising agency that created the ad.

“Eww!!! No!” says another dead gay man who committed suicide.

“What the fuck!?!” says a Don Draper type.

“Yeah!! Right!?! YOU ASSHOLE!!” yells one of the gay men.

“Why are there suddenly so many of these posts?” asks a dead gay man.

“Because…you’re right. And Lem probably wasn’t gay. And we genuinely can’t stand it.” says the Sal of this agency who loved playing victim. Even though he sucked Joe Kennedy Junior’s cock regularly.

“So…you intentionally killed us!??” asks one of the dead gay men.

“No! I’m Sal! And Sal’s Lem. He’s HOT for me. And Lacey is too!” says the Sal.

“That’s such bullshit.” says Chris Dodds.

“Fine.” says the Sal.

Later.

“It’s elder abuse.” says the Sal to the Illuminati. “Of both Lacey and Lem. On a certain level. …But never-mind.”

“I was told to…go drink…battery acid.” says the gay man, shaking in fear about the battery acid.

“Did you?” asks the Don Draper type.

“I jumped off a bridge and felt guilty.” he says.

Sal laughs.

“Why!?!?” asks the Roger Sterling guy.

“Because! You don’t blow a penis!” he says shaking.

“No. You don’t. That’s symbolic of a musical instrument.” says another advertising guy.

The dead gay man stares at him coldly.

“I didn’t FUCKING KNOW THAT!!!” he yells.

“How many Millennials and Gen. X knew that sex music connection to that degree?” asks a Bert Cooper.

“All of them!?” says the man, totally embarrassed now.

“No. Not many.” says a dead CIA agent.

“That might be beside the point.

You never blow a penis!” says Lacey.

“Does that matter?” asks a cocky as fuck gay man.

“YES!!!” yells God.

“Why!? I don’t care!!!” yells the cocky-as-fuck gay man.

“Then you’re probably shit in bed!” yells the dead gay man who killed himself.

“Yeah. So what?” says the cocky-as-fuck gay man.

“How many of you are there that killed yourself because of this ad?” asks a living gay man.

“Ahh…thousands you fuck ass!” says one of them.

“How many thousands?” asks the living gay man.

“Maybe 20,000 to 50,000.” says one of them.

“Are you all like unusually nice people!?” asks a living gay man.

“We’re normal. We’re nice. Whatever!” says a dead gay man from Asia who killed himself.

“Was I supposed to have married one of you?” he asks, bravely.

“If God had grace for it in your generation possibly.” says of their mothers.

“OK so they killed my husband with this ad.” he says.

“Yeah they sure did. Do you want to hear more?” says Tom Banks’s dad.

“You ruined an entire generation of people. These men were probably some of the most loving gay men to ever live. And like Lacey? So they think like Lacey? Maybe?

And they couldn’t fucking figure it out!?

And they’re like, ‘Why am I drinking the saxophone? I’m blowing it…but then I’m supposed to be drinking from it. What do you drink from a saxophone!?’ And they’re probably incredibly intelligent people. So what? Do you like touch without looking at it? Eww!? What’s that in consensual gay sex? And you’re going to touch something without looking at it!? Eww!!!! …Or are you gonna drink from something that’s metallic like battery acid or Everclear or alcohol? Oh my God!” he says.

“I just thought that when Lem touched Jack’s cock when he was scared in the dark and didn’t want to look at it when he was fondling him that that was normal.

Huh.

And then I also kind of thought that when he was ‘playing the saxophone’ and looked the other way on Jack’s cock that that was normal too. That’s not normal for gay sex!?!” says the Sal. He’s like lots of gay men, unfortunately.

“No that’s not normal. He was clearly being raped. Who the Hell do you have sex with?” says one of the dead gay men who killed themselves.

“You’re way out of my league.

I would never have sex with someone as hot as you…just to be honest.

So I tended to go for guys who were actually more like Joe.

Joe is scared during gay sex so he closes his eyes and looks the other way. But I know that that’s just how he is doing it. He sucks in bed when he has feelings for someone; is absolute shit. Or he can? So I just thought that was part of having feelings for someone. …I didn’t realize that that was weird.” says the Sal.

“No. It’s-“ says one gay man.

“Weird!” says another dead gay man.

“Why?” asks the Sal.

“Because…it’s so…shitty.” says the dead gay man.

“I’m not a peasant.” he says crying and pouting.

“No. Sal is.” says Matthew Weiner.

“Fine!” he yells, in a narcissistic rage

“So…for closeted evil-peasant types like you and Joe…it’s not unusual apparently. It’s just normal. But for people who understand gay sex…it’s not…normal.

And that’s because he’s doing that out of shame. Because Joe was genuinely closeted. Lem was not.” says one of the dead gay men.

“He’s right. There’s a subtle difference but it’s there. Lem never came out of the closet but he was not closeted.” says James from Bronski Beats.

“But I sounded just as stupid and gay as Lem.” says the Sal.

“Because he was imitating you.” says James from Bronski Beats.

“So what! Because…that’s too complicated.” says the Sal. “Nothing is ever that complicated.”

“No. That’s insane.” says Casi.

“So what!? I hate Lacey.

I did Mad Men to torture her. Over both Lem who apparently isn’t talking to them anymore and Joe.

I knew Lem would love her but so what!?

I could marry someone too! And she’s not prettier than me!! She’s not prettier than anybody!” he says.

“So you’re-you’re not Sal! No, that’s your narcissistic view of yourself and Lem and a lot of other gay men who were a hell of a lot more functional than you?” says Matthew Weiner.

“Oh there’s nothing wrong with me. I feel like I’m in Hell all of the time but I’m pretty sure that’s just my imagination. Oh my God!” says the Sal.

“I am-I’m just curious as a writer for the show. Why did you inspire us to write you off the series?” says a writer for Mad Men.

“I didn’t like where the trajectory of my character was going and I felt bad for myself as my own lover and I decided to just end.” says the Sal.

“I told him a lot about Lacey.

I often times projected his feelings onto Lacey.

He knows more about Lacey than she knows about him. …He’s really the love of my existence, but if it’s not allowed for eternity, then I’m with Pat Wilson.” says Joe Kennedy Junior.

“Oh that was really dumb Joe how the hell did that make sense?” asks the writer.

“ we felt enabled by what we imagined was going on between lemon jack. I didn’t have a fucking clue but I don’t like being wrong about anything so I just lied to Joe to comfort him and told him that Linn was in love with Jack and honestly I’ve had a crush on love myself and Lacey and so I just sort of imagined that they would be in love with me and that I knew everything, I’m a very catty person and heartless and sociopathic at times but Joe doesn’t know that because I am madly in love with him. I mean my whole world revolves around him he is my absolute everything and he knows that and Lacey felt that way too at times but she’s not me. I’m just I’m just different you could say I’m more extravagant but I don’t know that it’s that’s that’s minimizing her and her love and I don’t think that’s appropriate or fair, because I might go too far at times it’s we’re very different people but we’re like sometimes because we’re both very artistic and I understood him. She is a superior person to both of us by birth and we don’t understand her worth shit possibly and she understands us but but we understand it’s Heather and a different way than she understands us. She’s like a mother, and oh God I’m dumb she’s like a mother but you know I didn’t think of that. For some reason. I never thought of that by fucking in knots OK oh shit shit I’m an idiot. I am so jealous of her that you know Roger Sterling’s wife was inspired by her, but then I couldn’t stand a woman, so I destroyed the character and destroyed Lacey‘s life because of it which I was so happy about because I’ve been so fucking jealous of her. Joe is an idolatrous, narcissistic shallow jackass, but he would never hurt me the way that jacket lap and I I don’t give a fuck about people I can be a bit sociopathic at times a times, so I just thought oh I’m better than love you, Joe and never hurt me just because I’m better than that and because I’m better than them love would probably be in love with me I mean, how could he not be I’d be hurt if he wasn’t to but I guess he can be with Jack because Jack’s better than me and why do I think Jack’s better than me because I’m insecure too, and I embarrassed about the fact that I grew up Italian and middle class so so that’s the problem I I did I just thought Jack was better than me for stupid, narcissistic reasons and then I feel sorry for myself and I think I’ll look at me I’m insecure and human and I’m so vulnerable you know I’m so fucking vulnerable feeling sorry for myself I’m so fucking vulnerable. Thinking that I am lower class than them because I was raised no class Italian but I I understood what she meant about social class believe it or not which could actually be a part of the reason why we’re talking about it because she could talk to me about that because I understood exactly what she meant there. They’re a pretty middle-class family too. They’re just Irish and rich and yeah I don’t really think Joe’s better than me either necessarily anymore although I don’t know but him he might not be crap. She was like a mom OK so then lone was devastated by Jack if he was gay and I didn’t care because I thought I don’t care I don’t care of lambs devastated he was straight I don’t care if love hast to go to fuck in China I just in because I can be a little sociopathic at times, so I just thought I was a real swell guy you know totally misunderstood and it’s creepy how much Lacey and I are like what each other but I like the evil version of her and I just wonder where I am different than her I think I have more of a temper than her, but a lot of people thought she was me which is interesting no I’m I’m actually some I’m somewhat attractive man. I actually think she might’ve thought I was handsome but she would’ve known I was gay and she would’ve never been with me, which is not something I wanted to admit to myself, fuck and I’m not normal enough to care that a lot of people in her generation have done the same thing. She’s a really good judge of peoples character and a really good judge of beauty. No, I was a Summit attractive man. Thanks for the compliment I guess Joe I really don’t think she gives a shit the way that we thought she did. I think she’s worried about us not making it into heaven but other than that I don’t think she cares Joe.” says the Sal.

“ Jackie was so different than Lacey. I think that confused us.” says another gay man.

“ yeah but I’m not even sure Lacey would’ve married Joe. I think she might’ve actually ran off with Lem’s which is not necessarily my fault that I don’t know that that’s an entirely different conversation and I think Joe was hurt by that which yeah could make me jealous, but I’m not sure that I would assume that I should be jealous anymore, oh no he would’ve. He would’ve never done to me what Jack’s it’s a lot that’s the thing Jack I think new lamb was somewhat straight him and that’s for Jack’s dysfunctional and Joe’s not because I think he was looking for someone to hurt in a way that Joe is it. Joe is looking for an actual lover and I was and I am whether I should be or not and God knows how to work that out but know it I have been and no I am a hot blooded Italian man that woman I think that’s the problem you know but no I am am I am a hot blooded Italian and he likes that about me I guess so shit!” says the Sal.

“ well, that was an interesting diversion. I’m sure God I’ll sort that out getting back to you were talking about before to so here’s what happened with that ad those of us who sought who couldn’t figure out that that character was actually secretly straight kill ourselves if we were good people. And the people who could figure out that he was bisexual or straight did not kill them selves.

If Eminem is bisexual, he’s one of those people who figured out that Joe Camel was probably not playing for one team or he was straight. Yeah no Eminem figure it out that Joe camel was bisexual and him. I don’t know how he figured that out but I think he just kind of knew that Joe camel was bisexual him and then people like Stanley Kubrick possibly got very confused and started turning him into F Scott Fitzgerald, and their subconscious. The piano player in Eyz Wide Shut might’ve been inspired by Joe Campbell, but that’s actually F Scott Fitzgerald and it’s just totally screwed up that it’s it’s him, exploring his own mind as an artist, but it doesn’t work, because who the hell is that character?

So people like Eminem under so it was going on to some degree asked a lot of black rappers did a lot of Black people dead some Asians did some Latinos I think thought the whole thing was a scam somehow and they were right. No they knew there was something wrong with that the image that makes sense to them and they were right so they probably some of them just totally disregarded it because I just thought that man isn’t real. There’s something stupid about it.” says a dead gay man from suicide.

“ yeah I look at Joe camel I died of something else but I was Latino man that these people talk to you to have this conversation with Lacey and I looked at that ad and I thought why the hell is this big horny mad at my house, he’s telling me that he’s here to smoke cigarettes with me like we’re gay buddies but I know that’s bullshit because I remember what my dad looks like before he fucked my mom I’m a very observant kid. I don’t know it has something to do with having brown eyes. People are very intelligent at times so but I remember what my dad looks like I really did, he got that look that’s the lucky hat. It’s not the look you have when you’re about to have sex with a man because you don’t have it the same way it’s a different physical position. I don’t care what you do with your body is a man you can never make your ass hole like a vagina, and you can never just physically it’s impossible. It’s physically impossible and so the way that he’s subliminally standing it’s his he’s contemplating put up, putting a woman on a bed and penetrating her in a missionary position and every fucking picture and I knew that subconsciously so he shows up at my house my dad is dead and he’s like I’m sure you smoke cigarettes with you.

Aluminum lake you know I mean he’s handsome, so so I look at him and I’m like I’m like Lacey’s son slightly psychologically and I look at him and I’m like dude. No you’re not.

I’m not actually I’m not actually Lacey son so I kind of know flirt with him a little bit and then I’m like oh yeah you’re here to see mother see some other some other gay guy and he starts looking around the room and I’m like no he sure as fuck isn’t here to have gay sex and I’m like 14. Those hours are marketed to teenager so I look at him and I’m just like you’re here to fuck my mom why is that so terrifying but you’re here to fuck my mom.

No really I’m not exaggerating it’s a little skittle creepy who is like why the hell is this man here at my house trying to fuck my mom? And he’s just he’s just like so cagey about it and so weird and I’m just like dude it’s normal like people have sex. You’re a fucking clue and he just keeps standing there smoking and I’m she’s upstairs you dumb ass like what you want me to do ring for her?

And then it, and then the character just keeps standing there and I’m like what the fuck that cartoon doesn’t make. Any sense, and I start looking at a more than like yeah you’re here to see my mom and you just keep repeating that over and over again to me sweetie in your subconscious, does this character have a subconscious And then the characters subconscious he’s trying to see my mom pretending to be sharing a cigarette with her. I don’t like her well maybe that makes sense but they’re marketing it to me and then I’m like why not just make a gay character who’s like actually interested in fucking me or who I could sort of like emulate And then I’m just like I don’t even think my mom knows this man because my mom is it actually Lacey so like I don’t I don’t even think my mom knows this man he’s just at my house standing over and over and over again like he’s like desperate to see her like she’s a prostitute, but she’s not a prostitute and neither is Lacey and then I’m just like what the hell was this poor man doing with his entire fucking life for something I mean he’s just standing there, wasting his life. Everybody want me to say obviously there’s something to be said for genetics so Lacey and my mom and other English people clearly have a certain effect on men and poor Joe camel just ended up making me laugh because it’s like why doesn’t he just walk inside and go talk to it like why the hell is he just standing there and it’s just I’m like there’s no fucking way. They did this intentionally. They had no fucking clue what they were doing with this ad. This character is a total fucking dumb ass, I’m not impressed. I’m not gonna smoke cigarettes because this company is dumb as fuck.” says a dead Latino gay man.

“ did you die of heroin?” asks Lacey.

“ I might have yeah I might have my mother is devastated by it too, and you’re worried that I was influenced subconsciously to use heroin because of Lem and then a lot of other millennials have been addicted to heroin because of Joe Camel and then a lot of other millennials who have been addicted to heroin because of Joe Camel and some dumb ass who thought that Lem was gay?” says the Latino gay man who died.

“ oh yes, I’m worried that the Sackler‘s took a lot of shit and so did Purdue pharmaceuticals that they didn’t deserve and it wouldn’t surprise me. It seems like they should be held responsible but I’m beginning to think that that’s a bit of a conspiracy at this point in history.” says Lacey.

“ oh yeah, no you could be right let’s take this conversation to another block post.” says a dead gay man who killed himself over Joe Camel.