So here’s the thing I’m sorry I’m really angry.
I I don’t have a problem fucking men.
No I don’t. I’m not. I’m not a homosexual. I’m not a homosexual at all.
I know the thing is there are people-
There are people who don’t understand the topic at all like Lacey. Whatever Lem saying that homosexual mannerisms can be fake. I know they can’t. They come from the bottom of your heart. I’ve seen gay men they’re very obviously gay. I mean you know my friend cell. He’s very obviously gay he’s gay OK he’s very gay.
And see that’s the thing sell and I don’t have a homosexual relationship but Abby might have experiences like that I know I know for a fact that jacked it with a lot and Lemmers gay you can’t tell me otherwise I don’t care if he’s Constantine reincarnated I don’t care if he was Lacey‘s husband. I don’t care if they’ve had sex more than he ever had with anyone, I don’t care what you tell me I know what a gay person looks like it’s it’s annoying to be when people start trying to say oh it’s who you get aroused by or oh are you aroused by people that’s who you’re attracted to that’s not how it works. Oh my God.
Is this is this is this is the thing you have to be a little more sophisticated, and worldly like me to understand what’s going on.
Look up, Jack is is straight I’m straight lame was gay. I don’t tell if you are I don’t care of God himself is told me that he was straight and then he just fakes being gay. God has told me that many times God himself said when was straight and he faked being gay he’s a dork and he’s brilliant and he was sensitive and he doesn’t know what he’s doing, God himself is told me that God and I have some differences of opinion OK when you know that’s like
So it’s like God says Joe you shouldn’t sleep with more than one person at a time you need to learn how to be faithful and get close to people and I’m like OK that’s stupid and boring I’m dead I’m in heaven don’t steal that from me.
You know I’m glad I’m talking people you guys understand and that’s why I start feeling like baby God’s not so bad because I can tell that you guys understand where I’m coming from so it’s like Bobby was just made fun of Lacey wrote on this blog, something that he was totally capable of doing I don’t think that actually happened. I think that’s impossible. Nobody in our family. Is that stupid OK I can guarantee you that.
Oh, but so you know sort of juggling with that idea throwing up in there examining it this is what I think happened. I think that lamb was Constantine I think most Roman emperors like him. We’re probably gay I look at him and I I get an erection. I get direction from I mean the Greeks in the Romans must’ve walked around with directions all the fucking time I bet they were probably mostly all straight but they they probably got gay directions like frequently so it’s like he looks like I would look up at Lem’s if I miss Constantine and I would be like yo you’re hot and I getting erection what the fuck ever that’s not homosexuality, it’s just not how it works.
So what happens is that OK? So like they walk around with erections and they used to it it’s not a big deal. This kind of stuff happens all the fucking time in history just have to start thinking and you can figure it out.
Oh, so here’s the idea a Lemmers gay because not know you’ll be out his face. If you look at Constantine‘s eyes, the really beautiful blue eyes they’re incredibly hot and loves are too but that’s not ever straight. Lacey is aroused by him and they have sex all the time he’s aroused by her to, but he’s gay.
He said so so they don’t have sex in any sort of normal way. It’s just perversion on Lacey‘s part she’s just trying to hurt me because she’s like a weird freak who just wants to hurt me all the time we’re still together Lacey night and I’m just waiting to try to figure out why she keeps being so mean to me, she says she’s not hurt by cell. OK I’m trying to take her seriously and believe it she says that she’s not hurt OK fine then why does she keep sleeping with other people and she doesn’t wanna sleep with me ever I mean she’s trying to get rid of me now for over a year. I have not had one moment of consensual sexual contact with her and probably almost 2 years. I’m starting to think that something weird is happening.
I mean you look, you look at him though OK so getting back to the homosexual I think that’s just a Louis no historic analytical genius tidbit.
Oh cell lambs eyes look gay they have a gay shape to them. He looks like the guy from Bronski Beat‘s and they all look like Carol Loeb and lambs eyes when he was young looks straight but that’s just because love is retarded and so he didn’t develop a normal bodily human body when till he was older and that’s why when he got older, his eyes changed and looked gay, not all the time but enough seat when he looks gay when he makes his gay eyes that’s because he’s manifesting his face in a normal way. I can bend backwards and try to walk in a weird way that’s not how I normally walk I can stand with my arms out that’s not normal either.
Lem’s’s normal resting face position is gay because guy is this normal for is the normal size of a state of his soul while he was alive.
Oh yes I’m high on cocaine right now sell gave me some they used to do in the 80s. It’s very interesting. It’s an interesting drunk like I don’t understand it but it’s intriguing to me. You know it’s cut. I can relate to that with Lacey. It’s like what is this is fascinating she doesn’t have the same problems I do though so I just have to keep using it because it makes me feel better.
So I know in her past life if reincarnations in the Bible she probably use heroin for like a week but she couldn’t. She got off of it now because she’s a stronger better person than me but because she’s not is she’s an idiot and I’m not so then it’s like I have this idea to use cocaine a few times recently because it felt really good to be hot so I thought let’s just keep using it because it feels so nice to be that happy especially when you’re in love with her like I am and she doesn’t want to screw you and you don’t know why.
That that senior ran last night never happened that never happened that was in a television show so she was in a television show. Innoway the realm, but it wasn’t real. It wasn’t really real at all and so cell and I played along with her and Alys Seay Selda dammit today cell is devastated because sell doesn’t believe that Lacey is not in love with me and I don’t believe it either.
I don’t believe it either. I don’t believe it neither I don’t believe it either or neither. I don’t think that is possible. I think it’s far more likely that she is really in love with me and why would that be because she’s a normal same woman that’s why I’m in love with her. This is where It’s good.
Now bear with me now.
So there’s a lot of people who think that pink homosexual has something to do with homosexual sex. But that’s not how it works. Sal and I are best friends. He’s he’s my absolute best friend.
I can tell sell anything I can spend hours alone with self. We have an incredibly fun time together. It’s like being in heaven when I’m with him.
I mean if I can spend eternity with him and it was allowed if it was healthy, I would I would just be with him forever because it’s like why would you even bother but if it’s not allowed in heaven, and it might not be that I have to be straight to get to heaven and I have to get there. My mom is gonna be really mad at me if I don’t get there really quickly by my mom I mean Rose Fitzgerald, Kennedy oh my God
So I can’t deal with the reality of homosexuality because if I do that I’ll have to spend the next like 100 years married to sell and I don’t want to do that because I know it’s wrong I know it’s crazy I know it’s not allowed in heaven potentially right so then I’ve just decided to just kind of skip ahead because I know why the fuck can I just skip ahead I don’t wanna spend 100 years with self figuring out what a relationship is. I already know I have the concept I have the concept I haven’t figured out. I had it with Lacey to some degree for about 30 years I had it figured out completely. I was an expert you should’ve seen me. I was an expert And then and then Pat Wilson dies and decides that I’m wrong and I was in love with her the way I was cell and the problem is I was in love with Lacey too but in another kind of way, so I’m in love with them all in different kinds of ways but if I had to pick one I’d pick sell, but then I don’t want to do that because Sal is homosexual.
I can’t have a sturdy, normal relationship with anyone who is homosexual. And his name is so high. I can’t do that. I can’t do that. I can’t do that. I can’t be with someone who says they’re homosexual and is selves obviously homosexual. He has a lot of gay features and he. He’s like lame. OK so lame. I don’t know what the hell he’s trying to do. He’s gay he’s gay there’s no fucking way he straight. I mean there’s just no fucking way. How did he jump for that quickly was like he died and then all of a sudden he was straight. It was the fucking stupidest thing was like he died and I’ll sign is like he was straight. That doesn’t happen. It’s a conspiracy. It’s a scam. It’s a lie.
And so then that’s the problem right because he dies but also magically I don’t know where he straight. Yeah, I doubt that I doubt that I really doubt that that is some tomfoolery if he’s reincarnated from ancient Egypt and Roman empire that is, that is definitely a lie I know that’s a lie. I can guarantee it because there was evil stuff that happened back. Then I can guarantee it.
Oh, so here’s my thought.
And can you help me?
And can you pray that that God gives me grace because I’m having a really hard time can you play the God that God gives me grace for purgatory because I’m having a really hard time.
And my whole family is having a really hard time with Purgatory because you please pray that we have grace thank you.
And it was sells idea that I tell you this cause he was raised Catholic to as an Italian and he thinks that I should tell you this, even though I’m high, so I decided to tell you this
Well, so I mean I don’t know it’s like, so can you just stop being homosexual and just be with me?
He’s y’all are they knows he’s only one I can figure it out. Lacey gets over me. She says she’s over me and then it’s like her love I guess they’re straight together I don’t even know what the hell that is. I have never made love to him in the way he makes love to her. I don’t even know what the fuck they’re doing, maybe maybe maybe he was straight but then that requires me to think a lot of things are true that are really scary. It’s terrifying.
So I’d rather not go there so then it’s like no I’m straight I’m straight I mean loves gay but it’s just really scary because it’s as well. I’m straight as he gay I can’t even tell I don’t even know I don’t even know lol and this is really weird because I feel like if I lived through the 80s and done cocaine while I was alive I could’ve talk to somebody like this and I might not have been so confused.
I know I know Lacey love me I know she love me and that’s why that bitch is mine. That’s why that bitch is mine. Because I don’t have enough faith in God to be honest, I think that he could provide somebody for me. Who is that beautiful who I could love that much it’s really hard to believe because she’s so perfect she’s Tom’s daughter she’s got everything right and then it’s like she could’ve been there and she wasn’t but she could’ve and then it’s like fuck this is perfect. This is great. I’m in love with her what’s the problem and I have a really hard time with that because I have to have faith in God that I don’t have because I don’t feel like I know him that well and that’s really scary too cause I do I not know him that well what the hell does that mean? Oh my God
So it’s like I have to let go of her because she’s with lame yeah but love is gay and that’s the thing. I’m trying to live a godly life and convince Lacey to leave Lem’s because he’s gay and I’m gonna leave sell because he’s gay to except and how do I fucking mad is that because sometimes I can’t stand her Sometimes I just can’t stand her and I’m just like fuck you I’d rather you didn’t exist.
Gosh, I feel good to get that off my chest so then it’s like I was like let go Joe I love her let go and I’m like I can’t let go. I can’t let go because I am in love have never been in love like that with a woman before it’s different than with Pat with Lacey. It’s sweet and tender and beautiful with Pat I’m like damn I love this woman z
And I’m just like shit. Lacey is like my heart she is she’s my heart. She understands my feelings in a way that no one else does so I can be with her and I can talk to her and I don’t feel scared. And you can say oh she was my father soulmate I don’t give a shit she’s 40 she could’ve been born in 1918 and I’m just like fuck that my father is an asshole at times I had her first shit even know she was my father soulmate consciously and she’s a different sort of person so she threw it out and she was just like I am with Joe and I’m like fuck that sounds fine to me because I would rather you be with me anyway, you’re a really beautiful woman and I don’t want you to be with my father because you’re too beautiful for my father. I was better looking than him he was he was OK but I was really actually better looking and I thought shit I’m not gonna let this woman be with that man because he’s a crusty old weirdo and I’m a better looking guy I was a pilot I was genius I went to Harvard. I went to the London school of economics and she really likes me. She had a crush on me I thought what’s the problem there’s not a problem we should just be together. We should just be together forever and we were like best friends, but not really because I kind of want to killer and then I I hear from God, saying that sick Joe that sick
So then I was like what the hell what do I do? What do I do? What do I do you guys? I don’t know what to do and end and then a month and then, so I was just like let her go it’s OK we’re in love, but he’s not like Lacey. I don’t feel safe with him. I feel like sometimes he could be betraying me because he gets so dark and moody and I can’t read him. I can read Lacey I could read her temperament and I understand her. I know her I know her temperament it’s like genetic or something I know her temperament it is kind of the same way with Pat. It’s like I know her temperament I know the temperament and so it’s like I know what this is I don’t know what it is with sometimes I look at him I’m just like I’m going to kill me you’re gonna love me are gonna throw me in the oven to make me into a chicken.
And the other day stardom this is true crap I just died of a cocaine overdose just a second. And no, I’m not a no don’t force me to be with her that way so I keep trying to say I should be with her that way and she keeps resisting it and cells told me to stop that I’m gonna try stopping that right now. Don’t tell me to be with her in that way.
And I’m not high on cocaine anymore. I’m sorry if that’s scary to you.
It’s just hard to be her friend because I was in love with her. And I guess if that’s all it is because at the end of the day if homosexual, he’s not loud and heaven, and she gets along better with lamb that’s between them.
Keen to Cross the Pond 