Green Eggs And Ham

Warning by The Notorious B. I. G. plays.

Lacey sleeps almost.

Joe stares.

They did not have sex.

“You scare people shitless!” says JP Kennedy.

Lacey dances.

“Lacey!! You scare us!!” yells JP Kennedy.

Lacey dances.

“You’re mean!” says JP.

Lacey dances.

“Lacey you’re weird?” says JP.

Lacey dances and ignores.

“Oh no! This isn’t my life.” says Marsie in the afterlife. “Oh shit. She’s not me.”

Niggas Bleed by The Notorious B. I. G. plays.

“This isn’t Egypt.” says Lacey.

Hate It Or Love It by 50 Cent plays.

“This is Egypt.” says Lacey.

“Okay. I don’t care.” says JP Kennedy.

Lacey starts dozing off from lack of sleep. She’s not a heroin addict the way you think. It was one week in 1887?

“Lacey I don’t care about that either.” says JP.

Lacey ignores him.

“Lacey! It’s about your tendency to confuse us.” says Joe.

“Did I just help you say that?” says Lacey.

Bitch Please by Eminem plays for the asses.

“Yeah. You did.” says JP.

Lacey puts him in a Michelin Man suit. He dances with his bounce suit. Suddenly the ground turns into a trampoline.

A contemporary of JP Kennedy laughs.

A woman cracks-up laughing who knew JP.

“This isn’t funny!” says JP sincerely enraged.

Lacey laughs. “Do you ever see yourself? Do you? Do you see yourself at all or do you just not at all? You just don’t see yourself? That’s just too fucking difficult! OK! I’m sorry that’s sad.”

“I pulled myself up by my bootstraps, and made myself a really fucking important.” says JP Kennedy, in a huff.

“I know! That’s why it’s hilarious.” says Lacey.

“You’re ‘an important’ JP? How old are you in relation to her at this point in your existence?” asks a mother.

“I would shoot you right now!” says JP trying to be intimidating.

“Why the fuck do I have to care? I’ll tell you why I have to care. Because God made me. So you go talk to God about the fact that I don’t fucking care.” says Lacey to JP.

“So you really only care about love. Love for your family, love for God and love of beauty because of God but otherwise you don’t give a shit about anything?” says JP Kennedy to Lacey.

“Yes.” says Lacey.

“But I know you care about Great Britain you clearly care about Egypt. Ancient Egypt, probably Egypt to some degree now too, and you care about real history and art and the 1920s in Paris and I think you care about Woody Allen’s art now. See you care about the arts which is just part of beauty, but like caring though, I’d have to go back in time for you to give a shit?” says JP.

“Yes, that’s correct!” yells Lacey shattering his eardrums and causing him to bleed. He recovers.

“Then I don’t care about you.” says JP.

“Why?” asks Lacey, laughing.

“Because it’s fun.” says Joe jumping on the trampoline.

“What is?” asks Lacey.

“This?” says Joe.

“Jumping on a trampoline is fun for you?” asks Lacey.

“Yeah!” he says indignantly.

“Yes. That’s why we’re all laughing at you.” says Lacey.

“Because I care?” asks Joe.

And at that Lacey cuts him into pieces.

OMG by Usher plays.

Lacey laughs at Joe Kennedy Senior.

And at that Joe Kennedy is sent into a hot pink Barbie car driving in a Hollywood scene. The song plays.

“Joe you’re your the star.” says George Cukor. “You’re Barbie.”

“No! I’m not!” yells JP Kennedy.

“HOW!?” says Lacey.

He thinks. “No. You’re right. I basically am.”

“Yeah. You’re special. But…you made it stupid.

I’m sorry.” says Lacey.

“Ok. Point taken.” says JP.

“Yeah. I’m just concerned about your soul.” says Lacey.

“I didn’t help you.” says JP.

Lacey shrugs.

“I have to.” says JP.

“WHY!??” shrieks LACEY

“Because I was your soulmate.” says JP.

“You aren’t anymore.” says Lem.

“Yeah. You ruined that.” says Lacey.

“You’re the only pretty one. Everybody else is ugly.” says Joe Kennedy Senior,

“That’s sin.” says Lacey.

“That’s true.” says Joe.

And at that he vomits. And weeps.

“They won’t be ugly in Heaven.” says Lacey.

“Fine!

But I want good sex now.” says Joe.

“With chocolate cake? Please! You wrote the book on fucking ugly bitches and looking the other way on yourself.” says Lacey.

He smiles.

“I mean…it’s awful. But you apparently love it.” says Lacey.

“Joe…why wasn’t Janet Desrosiers…so stupid? You weren’t surprised she was a virgin at 24 because she was actually butt ugly. …But she was too narcissistic and ditzy to realize it.” says a reader.

“Umm…okay.” says JP.

“Fuck you!” says the reader, exhausted by Joe’s bullshit.

“I’m a fool.” says JP to Lacey.

Kick starts hyperventilating.

“Do I know you?!?” JP asks Lacey.

“Kinda.” says Lacey.

“I fucked-up my life.” says JP Kennedy.

“Okay. But explain Desrosiers.” says Lacey.

“I agree with her. What the fuck!?” says a ghost.

“I needed sex.” says JP.

“Oh.” says Lacey.

“Yeah!” says Joe.

Silence.

“I just told you that you meant nothing to me.” says JP.

“Possibly. Weren’t not together, Joe.” says Lacey.

Lacey gets sleepy.

Walk In The Park by Beach House plays.

Lacey gets sleepy.

“There was never any face in the door for you.” says JP to Lacey.

“No. I had no life outside of my kids with Lem Billings and my deep friendship with St. Augustine.” says Lacey.

“Did you ever pray with me?” asks Billy Graham of Lacey.

“Yes! To honor God and your stupid ass.” says Lacey.

“You had already prayed the Sinner’s Prayer.” says Billy Graham.

“YES!” says Lacey.

“Then why did you pray with me?” asks Billy Graham.

Lacey gets sleepy.

“You’re supposed to know.” says Lacey.

The Pope laughs.

“We have no love for you.” says JP to Lacey.

“Joe you molested your kids, your family is cursed as heck. Who the fuck did you ever love? Oh I know who you loved. I know-I know-I know-I know-I know who he loved. I know who you loved. Hold on!” says Lacey.

“NO! I loved my family.” says JP.

“Good. I’m sure they care.” says Lacey.

Later.

“Joe it’s just over. You loved Janet in a way you seemingly did not love me.” says Lacey. “That’s all.”