“Who Is She” by Lem Billings

(May 24th, 2024 – morning)

Dear Illuminati,

I am real. You know that. I know you know that. …If you’re real…you know I’m real too. Grow-up!

…I’d bet most of you also know you’re talking to a man who was not gay, but straight. You’re not all a bunch of laughing idiots. Even though that’s what you’ve seemed like to Lacey. You’ve all been unbearably stupid for over eight years. I’m sick and tired of explaining my sexual orientation and why I actually was a heterosexual…believe…it or not. It’s obnoxious to have to keep repeating myself.

I’m not going to make you feel happy inside. Not by a long shot. Neither is Lacey. The truth is…she’s a 10 and I was a tall, handsome genius. She’s better than you. I’m better than you. That’s fact in relation to most of you. …I outsmarted the Kennedys and myself by believing I was a homosexual but I was not. However, they also outsmarted themselves. They had inklings I was straight, but they fought that vehemently in order to feel superior and straight.

Lacey doesn’t do that. I didn’t and don’t do that. And frankly I’m repulsed. I’m repulsed by your inability to have a decent conversation with her.

Not last night but the night before she was attacked by a bisexual woman who came on to her in her sleep. And Lacey woke-up and provided you all with insight as to where the dream was going…had a demon or a dead Kennedy not woken her up…but she was mostly ignored.

Let’s discuss it now!!

…Lacey went along with the woman to a point but then had no intention of going along with it really. And it’s extremely likely the woman would have walked away angry or hurt or both. Or deeply confused.

“She’s right that is disturbing!” says the woman.

NO!! It’s not DISTURBING! It’s her. That’s HER. She’s objective and self-aware enough to know it’s disturbing, but that was HER SLEEP. Try being a little more intelligent! It’s not just some practical joke. There’s an actual science to it.

“My God! These people are dumb.” says a reader.

“We’re demon possessed. By choice.” says MSNBC. “Most of the time it’s not a problem for us. We often feel just fine.”

“Wait!!! Hold on! …What!??” says a living Christian bisexual man reading her blog.

No. I refuse to discuss that with him until someone in the Illuminati responds.

“We don’t care.” says Chris Hayes, shrugging.

Ahh! Yes! …Why is that?

“Because I’m more important than you.” says Chris Hayes.

Oh! Really? No. No, you’re far from as important as either Lacey or myself. It looks like that. Doesn’t it? But that’s you believing your own lies. You’re worth very little compared to lots of people. And you’re completely replaceable. They could easily have you killed. It’s your buddies keeping you alive who are worried and worth more…who are the ones who have the most to lose. But they refuse to see that. They’re addicted to the lies told after the 1960’s. The popular mythology created by the makers of Camelot. …And no I don’t mean the musical. I mean the Hell I lived in.

Lacey isn’t what and who you wanted her to be.

“I was bullied.” says Lacey. “By women. Who told me they were straight. …So…I thought it would all just disappear. And I did it to teach people a lesson. And because I can’t figure out how to get back into Lem’s good graces.”

You’ve confused her. That’s sincerely all that happened.

“Oh! So in her sleep she thought it would turn you on…and make you love her. Because that’s what she keeps being subconsciously told. Got it.

And then you- Wait what? She thought it would all just disappear!?!” says Jonah Wiley.

“YES!” says Lacey.

A bisexual man looks at her like she’s crazy.

What are you all waiting for? Yes. She thought it would all just disappear. This was in her sleep!

“That’s not possible!” says Chris Hayes, assuming he knows everything.

“Yeah! Not possible!” says another lower class background woman in the Illuminati who’s Liberal and American.

Tsar Putin laughs. “No. No…hold on.

How do they disappear?”

Lacey smiles. “They just…disappear.”

He raises his eyebrows. “Poof!”

“Yes!” says Lacey.

Right. And the point is what I said. That’s all.

“Why do they disappear?” asks Donald Trump.

“Because that’s what my subconscious told me they’d do.” says Lacey.

A gay perfume collector laughs. “Huh. So…women have indicated to you that…sex with you is impossible?”

“Yes! It’s insane of me to think they’d ever find me attractive.” says Lacey. “At least not really. It’s like there’s a cut off or something. …So…the idea was to catch them in their lies…because I can dissociate so well that I aimed to fool them and destroy them if necessary. Or maybe…they’d just…disappear. And then I could finally go back to sleep. You know? Say, ‘They aren’t even interested in me! See! Go away!’” says Lacey. “To the people who insist I should be a lesbian because I’m hurting women and hurting their feelings by being straight.”

Constellation by Max Richter plays.

“Right! Because you know you’re not a homosexual so…you’re just being nice. And then…you’re planning to catch them and possibly kill them righteously as in holy battle…with a sword to their neck or belly…like an aristocratic Lady. Not some dumb peasant bitch. …You hunt. You fish. You ride. You are…fierce. But entirely a woman. Entirely feminine. And weak, peasant Americans who can’t respect that are pathetic losers who refuse to accept their own rightful defeat…or who are almost too narcissistic to possibly function. Some people are inferior. Princess Kate was inferior to Queen Elizabeth II and always will be. So is Queen Camilla. That’s just a harsh reality. No more American bullshit fairytales.

The best they can do is to be humble and be themselves. And if that’s not good enough for them…WHY would it be good enough for us? Of course they’re fascinating. But they need to accept defeat at times too. Real defeat. It’s not that bad to be inferior to one the Great Britain’s greatest queens ever. Grow-up! Who would claim to rival Elizabeth I!? Almost no one. Some people are just superior.

Now…getting back to the original topic. …Lacey…you aren’t 100% positive. But you’re quite sure you aren’t attracted to women at all?” he says.

“I can’t stand being asked that!!” rips Lacey. She literally rips apart pieces of the universe. Possibly in righteous rage. She prepares to literally rip off people’s heads in the afterlife if necessary. And smash in their skulls with her heel. “I could say I was 100% positive. I could! Easily! …Except…I’m loving. I’m not a narcissistic person so I can’t…easily dismiss everyone in the Illuminati violently, persistently INSISTING I’m a homosexual or pansexual or bisexual.” says Lacey. “I don’t need their approval. But…I feel…so…bad…for them. I can’t make myself stop caring. I just can’t. I’ve tried. And I can’t turn it off.”

“You can’t turn it off?” says Princess Kate.

“No! …I can’t turn off this gnawing feeling of astronomical guilt.” says Lacey.

“Even if you know it’s gone way too far!??” asks a British woman.

“Yeah. I can’t make myself stop bleeding inside in that way. It’s impossible to stop.” says Lacey.

“And you’re actually anemic?” says the living gay perfume collector.

“Yes!” says Lacey. “Or was.”

“And now the evil peasant narcissists have gone in for the kill. …But what they fail to realize…is that you’re far more deadly than they are.” says the living gay perfume collector. “So in a desperate attempt to make you relatable they made you a 9 and not a 10 or something. Jack reincarnated. Whatever it takes. Silly. Too serious. Too intense. Too something. A lesbian! …And then when they realized Lem might not be gay…years ago…instead of admitting defeat at their own evil game they decided to keep going.”

Yes! That’s pretty close to exactly right.

Night by Ludovico Einaudi plays.

“They’re sappy. Corny. Cheesy. Childish and obnoxious. Trite. Boring. DULL. …And yet they want the laughs and admiration of genius artists of the past. They’re sloppy and lazy and unoriginal. They’re BORING. …But they can’t handle it. They NEED admiration. To avoid their own failure to be successful at being truly themselves.“ says the perfume collector.

He thinks.

“Not all of us.” says Woody Allen.

He nods.

“So…your mother who raised you…her false love would disappear?” asks a living gay perfume collector.

“Yes!” says Lacey.

“And you understood you weren’t inherently worthless. So…you just gave up being accepted and relished being left alone. So…you we’re genuinely hopeful that you’d have some heavily flirtatious conversation in your sleep…and then you’d see them happily disappear. Just poof.” he says. “Makes complete sense. …And what’s in it for you!? Oh! Lem’s love…and justice.”

“Yes!” says Lacey. “Possibly.”

“So you…believed us.” he says.

You aren’t supposed to lie about that. Not in that way.

“Are we trying to get back at you!?” says the living gay perfume collector.

“No! You don’t think I deserve it.

You’re holding her accountable for my life.” says Lem.

“Because she is!!! She the bad one! Not you LEMMERS! I figure it ALL out! WE…ARE…IN…LOVE.” says JFK, happily in 2015. “RELAX. I’ve got it all under control, Big Boy!!”

Adilah by Max Richter plays.

“Now! You suck my cock! We have good times. Like always!” says JFK.

“I’m starting to realize Jack’s sense of humor.” says a man in the Illuminati, laughing.

“That’s not Jack Kennedy’s sense of humor.” says Matthew Nesheim to explain.

“Then what is it?” asks MSNBC, sincerely confused and very concerned.

“He’s being serious.” says Matthew Nesheim.

“No. Jack was straight!” says MSNBC.

“Ahh. No…he wasn’t.” says Matthew Nesheim.

“That’s a LIE!!!” yells MSNBC.

“No! I sexy man. I sexy morherfucker!” says JFK. “I shut you down! Hoe!”

“You sound stupid!” says MSNBC.

“What? No. I sound chill.” says JFK, confused.

“Chill? You sound like an uneducated Asian peasant.” says MSNBC, very seriously.

Einaudi: Samba plays.

“You FOOL! …I am myself.” says JFK.

“No. You’re not. This so dumb.” says MSNBC.

“Loser! No. You don’t know me.” says JFK.

“So…Lem. Isn’t gay. Possibly at all.” says Rashida Jones.

“I know. That’s what Christ say.

But I don’t worry none about that.” says JFK.

“Why?” asks a concerned old money woman.

“You don’t understand.

Times are tough.

I’m dead and I gotta get things all arranged for myself. See? Things got weird when I died. Real weird. So…I gotta get it all figured out. And it’s rough, yo.” says JFK.

“Jack…were you stupid?” asks MSNBC.

He laughs and smiles. Thinks. “Stupid is…as stupid does. So I am very smart man.”

“How were you so smart?” asks MSNBC.

“I get what I want. WHENEVER, WHEREVER…HOWEVER.” says JFK.

“But that’s all there ever was to you?” asks MSNBC.

“Yeah. I got what I wanted. What else is there in life? You…die. And while I lived I got what I wanted. A lot.” says JFK, proudly.

“But you were never…worried?” asks MSNBC.

“About what!?” asks JFK.

“God? Sadness?” asks MSNBC.

Solomon by Hans Zimmer plays.

“I let my dad think for me. He told us…what to feel. About all of that. …And God…is so strange. He’s so mad. At me.” says JFK, looking sad. “It’s not going well. I’m sorry to disappoint you.”

“So…you’re stuck in Purgatory?” asks a reader.

“Yeah!!! Exactly! You got it figured out.

Why am I…not in Heaven? I was shot!” says JFK.

“Because you were evil.” says Rashida.

“Okay. But so was- I did so well. I aced church.” says JFK.

“But you might not have been penitent.” says MSNBC.

“Yeah! See…that’s what Mary the Mother of God say. Often. …But I hate it!” says JFK.

“Lacey. You and I both know…Jack might not have been as smart as they think he was. And God has completely perfect compassion for that.

…Getting back to you. …You were molested. How sad. …And…you…aren’t straightforward? No. You’re quite honest. You’re a heterosexual. …But maybe they can’t fathom you honestly expecting a woman to just disappear anymore than Lem pretending to be gay. …I get it. But I’m a real intellectual. At least at times.

I think the only thing we can think is that…we aren’t just lying. We’re…destroying society. And that’s difficult to accept.” says The Pseudo Intellectual Father.

“How would you be destroying society?” asks Lacey.

Why Do I Still Sleep by Popol Vuh plays.

“If you’re both straight?

Hmm.

I love this!

Ahh…

*The song plays*

What did you really look like?” he says.

“Those eyes.

That was the actual shape of my face.

So overall I looked almost exactly like this. If there’s reincarnation I am Scotia.” says Lacey. “Seemingly.”

“Do you miss your think dark hair!?” asks Norway, smiling.

“If I’m that woman in the stained glass?” says Lacey. “YES! But I’ve gotten used to lighter, finer hair.”

“You look like her.

Do me a favor and look at her.” says The Pseudo Intellectual Father.

“Yes!” says Lacey.

“She’s very beautiful!” he says. “A ten. Sure. …Most people aren’t.”

Treb Allen laughs in the afterlife.

Lacey smiles.

Lacey stares.

“So…your friend Queen Elizabeth II is inferior to you. In terms of looks.” says The Pseudo Intellectual Father.

“Maybe. But who cares!? She’s…Queen Elizabeth II!” says Lacey. “That’s…something. And she was very pretty and beautiful and lovely and certainly she was poised and well mannered….and etc..” says Lacey.

“I loved her.” says Philip.

“Yes. Sure. …So…you think we should all be above such things.” he says.

“YES! That’s how the Nesheims raised me to think. And…I can’t imagine taking it so damn seriously.” says Lacey.

“Well…some people do.” he says.

“Your teeth look plain and old.” he says.

“No. Not really.” says Lacey, very calmly and clearly and yet annoyed by having to explain the obvious.

“Do you have thick teeth?” asks Casi.

“Yes! Thick, old-fashioned teeth.” says Lacey. “I have great teeth. Dentists have often commented on that with sincere admiration.”

“They’re crooked.” says Casi.

“Slightly. But they’re better than most people’s anyway. Get over it.” says Lacey.

“I’m starting to think she’s straight.” says the woman used to attack her in her sleep.

“So women are just gross to her!?” says Casi.

“No more gross than me. I’m a woman.” says Lacey.

“Yeah. …So…you feel no desire for me or any other woman?” she asks.

“No. No desire.” says Lacey.

“I’m not being serious!” says Casi.

“About what?” asks Lacey, cheerfully, but a bit confused.

“That’s how we destroyed the world!” says The Pseudo Intellectual Father. “WITH HUGE…ASSUMPTIONS.”

“Wow.” says Lacey. “That’s brilliant, possibly.”

“I am.

Yeah…the middle class made far too many assumptions.” says The Pseudo Intellectual Father.

“The camera almost always makes you too skinny or too fat in your face.” says a photographer.

“Yes!!” says Lacey.

“I’m not your friend.” says The Pseudo Intellectual Father.

“Alright.” says Lacey.

“Just kidding.” he says.

“No. You can’t take that back.” says Lacey.

“Is that romantic to you?” he says.

“NO! I’m preparing for a home invasion, to be honest.” she says.

“Oh fuck. That’s not necessarily how I meant it.” he says.

“You still can’t take that back.” she says, sweetly but with grave seriousness.

He laughs. “I actually do slightly believe in reincarnation. Are you sure that you’re Scotia if there’s reincarnation at all?” he says.

“I am about 95% to 99% sure.” says Lacey.

“So as sure as you can be without dying you’re sure of something that difficult to ascertain?” he says.

“Yes, yes!” says Lacey.

“ I think you think like you’re still in Egyptian princess with your social cues to some degree and I think you still think you’re in great Britain if there’s reincarnation, I don’t think you’ve acclimated almost at all to the United States because you were too severely, abused and bullied, and I am not going to invade your house You don’t have to take my word for that though. I know you’re probably cat in your subconscious. It’s almost impossible. There’s too much stick for you to take me at my word at this point because I seem so sincere when I said, I wasn’t your friend.

If that’s possible that you were a Scottish aristocrat and married to Lem why do you think women are going to disappear?” he asks.

“ I am what is the problem if there’s been carnation the Bible then I can honestly say I probably was the Scottish aristocrat. It’s very hard to discuss. It’s because a lot of people who are alive now we’re aristocrats don’t wanna talk about it and they get very uptight when I try to honestly discuss the past.

Hey, why would she disappear? Possibly because that’s what she was paid to do but no essentially what was said is possibly just the truth I don’t know why it’s so hard to grasp.” says Lacey.

“does that seem like something that Lenwood fancy or were you rather confused by such requests?” he says.

“ no, no it does not actually yes I was rather confused, but I think I just assumed that that it was nonsense.” says Lacey.

“ you know it’s not I don’t think it’s scientifically possible that there could be a woman would be so repulsive to women if she’s that beautiful my guess is that you’re very straight and that when women want to be a straight as you, they sometimes find you threatening their ego like Casi was threatened…. because you’re smart and I think a lot of women like her tell themselves that they’re smart in a way that straight women aren’t because they feel so rejected by straight women. and you’re also very beautiful and you’re tough and I don’t think that’s an easy thing for her to handle or a lot of other women who are like you in their homes. I think they describe your attributes to homosexuality as a way to adjust to feelings are rejected by a society when in all actuality, it has possibly almost nothing to do with that at least, in every circumstance, it’s like being an extraordinarily sensitive man people might assume that you’re gay when you’re not because most men aren’t that sensitive because they’re not that intelligent and so thatcould easily happen if you’re a woman and you’re unusually aware. On a military level on an intellectual level, and in ways that men usually are because they’re threatened by that It’s it makes them feel insecure as a woman it’s like how could this perfectly straight feminine woman be so like a lesbian when she’s not a lesbian at all? I was more as you’re incredibly sexy and feminine and ditzy and sweet to boot and I think it’s a bit too much for some people like Casi to handle. I have a feeling that in the 1800s women were far more like you and they probably could handle it because you just seemed like a typical aristocrat and I don’t think they were as shocked by your pure heterosexuality.

And the fact that you’re very much a cis straight woman is especially overwhelming to people today. Lord give you grace for us.

Oh, so here’s the scoop that’s a start to what’s happening to you for you to consider. I don’t think you understand the bourgeois social protocol because you’re not bourgeois and I don’t think we understand how to talk to you without getting hurt.” says The Pseudo Intellectual Father.

Later.

“I told her to wear L’Eau D’Issey. I knew she’d enjoy it. Her better memories are from that period of time.” says Lem. “And it smells very good on her.”