“Allison Reynolds” by Lem Billings

(From May 22nd, 2024)

If there’s an Illuminati they’re…funny. They thought my Lacey was Hilary Faye when really she’s Allison Reynolds. But unloved, too mature for her age, unusually perceptive and intelligent and extremely beautiful and authentically feminine. She had a soft chin line. But her face was almost literally perfect. I don’t care what math you use. It was literally almost perfection. And it was…extraordinarily breathtaking.

So was so pretty people expected her to be loved. But boys wanted a girlfriend who didn’t embarrass them. They were looking for a leg up on things…not a liability they couldn’t easily relate to. So while lots of guys crushed on her…only a few ever said anything. Or even gave her a clue about their feelings for her. Instead they hid it from her, afraid of what she’d do with the information. Which is creepy…as…Hell.

The problem with the Pope’s decision is that he seems to have no conception of the stubbornness of entrenched, obsessive evil. He doesn’t even believe in Hell? Or does he? And really…whether homosexuality is allowed in Heaven or not people need guidance. And his audience is his Catholic faith not MSNBC. It was his job…to be their leader. Not their filthy antagonist. Calling them names practically. …Who bloody cares if they’re unpopular, Your Eminence. Your job isn’t to be the most popular Homecoming Queen ever. Your job was to comfort and protect your fellow Catholic. Certainly acknowledging homosexuals who are Catholic is wise but you went too far and yet not far enough with your extremely serious announcements. People feel…wanted…in the LGBTQ+ community more now possibly but…why in Hell would they be blessed by what you said as Christians? You’ve put them effectively in a sort of Limbo with almost no clear explanation, instead of just saying that homosexual marriage is evil or unallowable. Not unacceptable but unallowable. …And that’s not mature. That’s silly nonsense. …Is it wrong or not? You explain that first and then make it clear you don’t hate homosexuals, as people if you want to say it’s wrong. And if people today don’t respond well that’s a problem. A real…PROBLEM. …And if the Catholic Church crumbles as a result then it was never what it pretends to be. It was only partially what it pretends to be.

The problem with Lacey is that she’s not rejectable for the reasons you want to reject her. She’s not a man. A lot of living women want to reject her like she’s a freakish man who’s madly and obsessively in love with them. And it’s WEIRD.

First of all, she’s straight. She will NEVER and has NEVER remotely found them attractive. They’ve bullied her into wondering if she does. And young men her age did too. But she’s not capable of finding women or anyone but adult men who she’s not related to attractive. And that’s healthy and normal.

Truthfully…she rejected them. She acted like their opinion of her meant NOTHING. That she thought they were essentially worthless shit in their opinions of her. Inconsequential, inconvenient rubbish. And she really believed that. Sincerely. It wasn’t just a way of dealing with bullies for her. Here’s a reminder: Her father ran Minneapolis behind closed doors. And they’re a lot alike.

Tinker Tailor Soldier Sailor Rich Man Poor Man Beggar Man Thief plays.

You can’t out maneuver her about her own soul. She’s never going to make you feel less insecure. Ever. And when you’re dead it will be far worse. She’ll just be avoiding you with God’s help.

No…she’s like Scotia. Beautiful, daring, calculating, unconquerable, honorable, and yet…I can fully possess her as much as any man can possess a woman in Christ. But I died. And she was born in 1983.

She’s really not mean. She’s brutal. Not like Brutalism. But rather like a dagger in a Holy war. She sees through you. She sees you. And while she has a rather dim view of things…believe it or not…she loves you unconditionally in Christ. You could prove her wrong but instead you’ve proven her right in her worst suspicions for years. And no, she’s not disappointed. She’s intrigued. JD Rockefeller and her get along famously.

She has a rounded not round, glowing face. High cheekbones. Exquisite features. Including big, deeply intelligent brown eyes. Sexy eyes. But no…they’re sexy to me. And if you can’t let me have sex with her…because you insist I’m gay and was…then you’re not going to be able to enjoy her sexuality as fellow humans. Hilariously…I wasn’t even attracted to men at all. And I’m still not. …But never mind all that. Right? We must accept the homosexuals, Your Eminence. WE MUST! Das ist verboten! Heterosexual sex is VERBOTEN! For me. Right? I can’t secretly want to fuck a woman? That would hurt Johnny’s feelings. And all Johnny wants to do is throw Lacey down the stairs and break her neck? Just like Ivanna’s? Right? DAS IST VERBOTEN!!!

No. I did. And that was my business. Jack supported my decision to be homosexual. He SUPported me. Meaning I was supposed to suck his cock as my SUPper. Get it? He was trying to be cute, clever and witty. Ironic. But that was in light of my initial admission to him in private that I could easily fuck a woman. Like for real fuck a woman. I knew I could but I didn’t want to harm any women. I was choosing to be homosexual as an act of conscience. And he said he supported that. He said he understood. But…I was mistaken. I was straight. …Remember? I only thought I was homosexual because I was molested. …He was actually bisexual. …And so when he SUPported me…there were feelings attached on his part. Not mine. That’s fabricated bullshit. Or I was misunderstood. Possibly I misunderstood myself. Or I lied. Regardless…I had no such feelings. HE DID. And he was insanely obsessive. Very, very much under cover. But…he was the one with real feelings. Possibly not real love…but certainly a…sort of narcissistic version of it. So…he, unfortunately, felt incredibly safe with me. Because he assumed we had a safe zone bubble we secretly lived in together in bliss. He wasn’t the brightest bulb on the tree. So…assumed I was somehow both genuinely evil and heterosexual or his pathetic victim…and bisexual like him…but choosing for deep, unassailable, highfalutin, high-minded reasons to be gay. Or possibly…I was…just a lovable sexy freak. …So…when I was…in Germany…I wanted to sleep with a girl…and finally lose my virginity. But he was devastated by that. And I was attacked brutally by him for the third time in our history and forced to have sex with him instead. Well…not sex…he raped me. But…it made him feel better to have sexual contact with people even if it was impossible to get away from him. Because he felt it was always transformative. The truth is…it’s impossible to ruin sex. Actually impossible. Our human minds aren’t able to comprehend it well enough or control it well enough to truly rearrange it. But we can be perverse and we can lie and we can be wrong. And he never liked that or he never understood it. So…he felt rape was a magic act that proved his ultimate fitness and superiority. And so he raped often. And…he was extremely upset on the occasions when he realized at all that I was heterosexual. Not bisexual or gay. Not pansexual. Straight. It scared him immensely. And that backward, ignorant, poverty-stricken stupidity…is part of why God had mercy on Him and still does, if He can.

“DAS IST VERBOTEN!” Jack Kennedy barked at me about heterosexual sex. And out of fear and my own ignorance I didn’t kill him and I didn’t know how to escape. …He could have easily kept other people. But he never thought of it. Or…he never saw any other opportunities. But that’s essentially what Joe Junior was trying to do with Lacey. And one wonders if that’s why Mary Richardson killed herself. She felt it was more honorable to hang herself than to live and let her kids think she condoned her foul, trapped life? Let them think she was weak? So they’d never be like her? Instead of kissing their father’s ass to get to see them? Instead of what? Pretending she didn’t love him?

I didn’t and don’t need to keep repeating myself, but I do now because of the stubbornness of some evil people. And…that’s the problem. …You can’t control my cock. It’s my cock. …And you can’t control my mind. It’s my mind. You can’t control me. Not really. Because there’s God. And…that’s nothing you can control either. And you can’t control Lacey either. She’s not homosexual. She’s not a man. And she never was and never will be.

Why did she stare at you? Because she was ALONE. Because her parents were abusing her. Because she was being viciously bullied. Because she wanted friends. Like a NORMAL HUMAN BEING. That’s all. In her case, that’s all.

Why do you obsess over her? Huh, Casi? Why? Why do you obsess over her? Why?

Maybe you all are the freaks? Huh? Maybe you all are the ones who are secretly attracted to her? Or…if not…then what? What is it?

*I smile*

Let’s go back to Allison Reynolds. Why do we need her to confirm in the end? Confirm our view of life? Why do we need her confirmation? …And what would happen if she refused to even acknowledge us? What would happen?

Why are we so damn terrified of her? She looks pretty at the beginning. It’s wild. But it’s actually very beautiful. What are we afraid of? She’s presumably straight. And not a sociopath. So…what are we afraid of? She’s not autistic. She’s not a drug addict. She’s not…a school shooter. She’s not insane…really. So…why are you so terrified? Or angry? Both? Why? Does she make you feel like you’re completely losing control?

What if…she was secretly a genius? But not like an astronaut or a good actuary. Like…a queen? And…by insisting she’s…”too into you” she doesn’t…get hurt and act too into you to get your approval like I might…and by insisting she’s supposed to bow to you and let you violate her soul as you stab her to get her acquiescence…she instead refuses and dares you to kill her with a warning that if you do she’ll hunt you down for eternity and make you wish you’d never been born? What if…unlike me…she’d of killed Jack and gotten away with it? Actually…with Tom as her father she’d not have needed to. She never gives in. And if she does…you regret it as quickly as she can muster. She’s loving. She’s maternal. And…she’s not fooled by certain things.

Yes. Jack Kennedy had a crush on his dad…in a way. He was that stupid. And no it’s not sexy or chic or the newest thing or anything even real, so to speak. It’s impossible and insanity. And poor Jack was just too dumb to understand that. He still might be. And too arrogant and conceited to accept his own shortcomings. I’m not JP Kennedy…but Lacey was JP Kennedy’s soulmate. I’m not Jack Kennedy’s soulmate. My “twin flame” is soulmates with Jack Kennedy’s father. And JP Kennedy was sexually abusive to his children, to a certain extent. Possibly not as bad as some people are…as he had more of a conscience and wasn’t as insane…but he did abuse them. And Jack, as a malignant narcissist, got very confused.

I’m not verbatim JP Kennedy. Neither is Harold Loeb. Neither is Michael. Nor Louis. …But we all look slightly similar. And…we’re all very gifted. And…really…maybe there’s something similar on some very deep level about all of us.

My curls? Similar to JP Kennedy’s curls. Jack wanted to molest me. But…why? Was it just because I was a good victim? Or was…it also a fixation with his father? “Those boys we’re obsessed with their father!” Right? Hasn’t that been written somewhere? In some history book? Yes. It has. And…I’m a lot more like Joe Senior than you know. I’m not him. We’re very different too. But…that’s the eerie nature of reality. I’m also like Harold Loeb. His father worked on Wall Street just like Joe. But he was a curly haired, bespectacled, melancholy artist. I love art. Joe loved art. But we’re numbers men. Just like her legal husband, who’s father is a financier.

We might marry people who remind us of our parents…in a way. But…not to that degree. That’s always too much. Not so you’re married to your father’s soulmate’s “twin flame.” Your mother figure in Heaven’s “twin flame.” That’s weird. …And I wasn’t a pervert. I’m sorry. I wasn’t. I wasn’t attracted to children or teenagers. I was attracted to adult women. I was not in love or obsessed in any real way with Jack Kennedy. He was actually the one who was violently possessive and obsessed with me. My whole damn life. After he died his family just took over. I struggled to fit in? Yeah. They didn’t give a shit. But they also controlled me behind closed doors. Keeping me from telling my side of things openly, as myself. Not the passive aggressive bullshit I uttered instead in public behind my cultivated gay façade.

But what about Lacey? Oh! You’re still so sure I was gay!?? Ha! I know. It’s difficult for you to grasp. But…I was straight. You can try to see it…but it disappears because it’s not me. It’s just not me. It was an act.

No. What about Lacey? No?

Well…what’s going on in Ukraine? You dunked one ship? One Russian ship? Oh no! No…one area is lost? Hmm. …How long do you think Putin will keep fighting? I’d bet…for as long as it takes. And killing the leader of Iran with demons that usually attack Christians…is a new hilarious and pathetic twist…but…you can’t foresee your consequence.

If Lacey dies…in the next five years with her children and Mark…quickly…she’ll likely try to end the world. I’m not exaggerating. This isn’t bluster. And who is she mad at? The US. She loves the US…but…she’s mad.

“Yeah. Michael, my brother was obsessive.” says Bobby Kennedy Junior.

“Are you?” asks Bill Gates.

“No!!” says Bobby. “People are often extremely obsessed with me. I mean, all the time. …But I don’t have that problem.”

“Are you sure?” asks Bill Gates.

“Yeah!” says Bobby.

“I doubt that.” says Bill Gates.

So…what’s going on? What’s really going on?