“Oops”

(June 5th, 2024)

Lacey sits in Grand Forks thinking of Joel, possibly the only guy she was ever supposed to date or marry. Lacey is shocked by how much she messed-up and how disgustingly insidious the whole thing is.

“But you felt it too?” she says to her cousin Matt.

“Yes.” he says. “Lacey. Our lives were doomed.”

“But North Dakota is so beautiful.” she says.

“We were sucked in like in a riptide.” says Matt.

“Is Joel truly happy? And I do belong to Lem?” says Lacey.

She hears a train whistle in the background. The wind strong as ever. The sun glaring down unceasingly as always.

“You were meant to marry Joel.” says Matt.

“Is he okay?” says Lacey.

“I screwed-up. I totally should have warned you.” says Lara. She was possible friend of Lacey’s at UND.

“I don’t even remember his last name!” says Lacey.

“He’s…a lot happier than we are.” says Matt. “But I think he’d honestly have been happier if you two had gotten married.”

“But he’s okay?” says Lacey.

“Yes!” says Matt. “No. It’s just us.”

“That’s kind of a weird relief.” says Lacey.

“Yes. And Lem. Yes. You belong to Lem.” says Matt.

“So I’m depressed with Lem?” says Lacey.

“YES!” says Matt. “We’re all toast. I mean I committed suicide and so did he.

Lacey…you know somewhere deep inside that when Lem said things like, ‘I loved Jack my whole life.’ that he meant something different than what people think today. You KNOW THAT.

But you ignore it because it’s too pretty.” says Matt. “And you’re too damn wounded.”

Lacey thinks.

“Think. Did you know Joel was a possibility? But you ignored it?” says Matt.

“Yes. I ignored it.” says Lacey.

“And that serves you in most circumstances. But your instincts are off in certain ways.

Joel wasn’t…that bad. And you had to marry someone. You needed to date him. Just a few more times.

Listen to that voice.” says Matt.

“I ignore it because it’s too painful.” says Lacey.

“Let’s talk more.” says Matt.

Later.

“We’re from a really rich family.” says Matt to Lacey.

She can’t process that. But she tries.

Later.

“People use that to harm her. They cling to her doubt.

But it’s not necessarily something she can fix.” says Michael Rockefeller. “Not without help, at least. And that’s why God is allowing us to talk to her.”

Later.

“I am so depressed.” says Lacey.

“Was he really that great?” asks Lem.

II. Andante commodamente by Kalinnikov plays.

“Yeah. …But not like you. Unless you don’t love me.” says Lacey.

“I didn’t love Jack the way everyone thought I did. I really didn’t. …Love never works that way.

I’m sorry you’ve never experienced love with a living man. I can’t count Joel. He didn’t know how you felt, really.

You’re incredibly beautiful. It’s incredibly evil. And I mean it. It truly is.

Joel is gone. And it’s over. He’s married. And…I’m real.

I really wasn’t gay. And we actually are sleeping together. And I’m not about to let you be with somebody who isn’t right for you at all…just because they’re alive in the fallen world.

There’s nobody for you.

Joel just needed to be a bit more assertive. But he wasn’t. …Nobody has ever saved you. Other than Jesus.

No. He’s not me.” says Lem.

Lacey thinks. “So there’s nothing I can do?”

“You just misunderstood Joel.” says Lem. “So no.”

Later.

“We are toast.” says Lacey to Matt.

He smiles.

“We’re both unusually good-looking. But neither of us understood that. I had trouble finding love too. Not as bad as you but it was painful.

Lacey. You just are the pretty woman.” says Matt.

“Shoot.

I wasn’t trying to be so stupid.” says Lacey.

“You were brainwashed. Really.” says Matt.

“Is there no one now?” says Lacey.

“No.” says Matt.

“Not if I’m real.” says Lem. “Not if God is letting you start eternity now.”

Later.

“You were brainwashed to think I was ugly. I look a lot like Lem. …Look…you messed-up. But so did I. I scared the heck out of you. …But seriously…you were brainwashed to think I was awful.

What could you think if you let yourself believe for a second that I’m actually saying this to you in the future after death?” says Joel.

Lacey thinks.

“Think back to what if would have taken you to believe we were possible.” says Joel. “Now stay in that frame of mind…can you believe Lem was gay thinking like that?”

“Not easily.” says Lacey.

“Can you believe he might not have been?” asks Joel.

“Yes.” says Lacey.

“That’s reality.” says Joel.