“It’s A Catastrophe” by L. Billings

(July 15th, 2024 – Mid Day)

Philip Glass plays. Closing but edited by Debussy and Philip Glass and Elgar. In the future. …To be honest it’s…better. Sorry.

A few years ago Queen Elizabeth II and Lacey may have been cursed. By the dead. …If there’s an Illuminati Jack Kennedy may have become…unreasonably enraged by jealousy…because of their lovely friendship. …Elizabeth truly understands Lacey, as real friends do. And she was…a beacon of hope of the light of God for Lacey in her last years. Elizabeth is a great woman. …And so, if there’s an Illusion and Jack was able…he found a way to curse them both from the grave. Lacey’s valiant warrior spirit is why I’m able to tell you this today…if it’s true. She’s eternally at the Lord’s service, in deep humility. So is Queen Elizabeth II. They’re both warriors. Dignified. Ladylike.

Written In Stone by Ólafur Arnalds & Alice Sara Ott plays.

Lacey will be fighting fiercely for God after she dies…if He can use her. Fight. Fight. …Of course God has already won…but as humans we have to demand that be manifested.

My life wasn’t a tragedy, like my family suspected. It was a catastrophe. Why? …Because I knew so much.

Shannen Doherty died. And if there’s an Illuminati she heard Lacey preach the Gospel to her often. …And they were alike in some ways. As people. And…Shannen in angry. Actually she’s furious. …So is the father and husband from Pennsylvania who was shot protecting his wife and daughter. Some people have compared him to me. The man I was supposed to be. The sort of man I was supposed to be took the bullet. …And I saw it. God enabled me to be there when it happened, And be with my family at the same time, because I’m dead.

…Lacey’s right. That shooting was also catastrophic. For the US. At least as the country we’ve known for decades. …There’s a contingency of people who are not going to be lured into the…muck of the current argument as it stands, but who have guns. And those people aren’t afraid to use them if necessary. I was actually very good with a riffle. And that’s not something you’ll likely ever read anywhere. And they mostly all are too. …A lot of people…are suspicious.

Joe Kennedy Junior may have loved Lacey. And that’s where things get damn ugly. Because she’s…entirely…lost.

Oil by Jonny Greenwood plays.

Lost? Yes. …Because he was dishonest with her. He gave her the impression that…it meant nothing for her to be talking with his ghost. He gave her the impression that he was talking to her spirit because “at the end of the day” he was just an ordinary person. …And she was just extremely ordinary. …They were ordinary together. And…she took that to heart. …So…when she experienced anything…grand since then she’s assumed it’s…in this sort of…ether of ordinary.

Metamorphosis: Five by Philip Glass plays.

And actually Lacey made logical assumptions about the nature of her eternal bond with Joe because of the way he treated it. And those assumptions were horribly inaccurate. For a moment they were soulmates…and God was always going to have to correct that. Because that wasn’t necessarily His design. But things had been so tampered with in the fallen world that it temporarily became that, in a way. And it was Hellish for me to watch. …But I did drugs and was going to let teenagers die alongside me. I led a terrible life. It was far removed from what I was designed for. It was, as I wrote, a catastrophe.

Cantus in Memory of Benjamin Britten by Arvo Pärt plays.

Why did Joe tell Lacey they were nobodies? That’s an interesting question. …But regardless, it’s dire now. It’s a dire situation. And the world is still in shock and denial. …She’s not necessarily ordinary. …And he wasn’t entirely either. …But he was trying to create romantic love between them…and he knew how much she was in awe of him… And he had a choice. He could be honest with her…and tell her the truth…or tell her a half truth. And he chose the half truth. And she’s not capable of getting her own head out of that mindset.

What is it? …Lacey is and was extremely beautiful. …And instead of telling her that in an honest way he told her that she was beautiful to him. …That he would have fallen in love with her. …He made it about him. So…through all of her 20’s he told her…not that she was being bullied because women were jealous but that…she should be more hopeful…because mysteriously…for some reason…he would have found her extremely attractive. He told her spirit that. Repeatedly. So…she realized that there was something special about her…but…she never knew what it was really. …And so…she’s never realized how heartless people have been to her fully. Until recently. How little they cared. And how…heartless and dishonest they’ve been. How they CHEATED.

And they did. They LIED.

How? They’d tell her she was beautiful. Extremely beautiful. A rare beauty. …But…it was said in a way that almost made it seem…meaningless. Cheap. …Or she never grasped what they were really saying.

And to her…it’s all…nothing now. Absolutely no big deal. Dull. Stupid. Loveless. Joe killed her spirit…because they were never meant to be together. He had no bloody right to talk to my wife, instead of me. But he did.

Departure (Reflection) by Max Richter plays.

I was an eccentric fool, maybe. So eccentric and unusual most people can’t easily grasp me or my mindset. But Lacey does. And I need her and needed her. And she’s- She longs to be loved by me. Desperately. You don’t mess with that! It’s a GOD DAMN LIE…that I was gay. And I obviously believed it myself too. But…it was a lie. And that’s OBVIOUS. But…not everyone is Red Fay or Lacey Banks. Not everyone sees the lie. …I was straight. I’m sorry.

…But anyway…Lacey doesn’t understand. She doesn’t know. …And I’ve tried telling people that. But I don’t think they understand. Or they don’t like it. …Being Tom Banks’s daughter…possibly conceived in his late 80’s…seems…ordinary to her. Discovering the real Illuminati accidentally…seems ordinary to her. FOR REAL. Being friends with Queen Elizabeth II seems ordinary…even if she honors the Queen and her non-ordinaryness, so to speak. …But I could be Emperor Constantine and she’d find that painfully ordinary. Just…made absolutely dull with the ordinary. …Because people have so abandoned her and lied to her…that she cognitively can’t grasp it anymore at all. She’s been so unloved it seems…totally unimpressive.

Open Spaces by Jonny Greenwood plays.

Why? Because she loves God. …And so she compares everything to Him. And compared to Jesus…being Scota…is NOTHING. Extraordinarily unimpressive and unimportant. Really made important only through Him. That’s just true. …And because she’s been so lied to and unloved and alone…the context of everything else…and everyone else’s experience is lost to her. People have been so narcissistic…that they have given her the impression that they’re not insecure at all…and truly feel vastly superior to her.

Summa by Arvo Part plays. Entirely. For strings.

She’s not fooled into thinking they’re really as pretty as her. Or as well off. …She’s very rational. …But they lie so well. And they’re possibly mentally-unwell. And so she believes they have some secret…bliss. …I genuinely was straight. …I’m really that rare. I’m really that complicated of a person. I was really that…free-thinking and…outrageously…different. …I just fit in well enough to seem…relatively relatable, I guess. Somehow. …But I was really a very eccentric, artistic, unusually intelligent heterosexual…with what you’d call clinical depression that I hid from most people. …I could be very jolly about…food. I practiced thankfulness. To my detriment. …And I don’t think you understand how much I hid my suicidal tendencies with my ability to appreciate anything and everything of value in life. …But there’s no way I could have been that happy at Jack’s wedding if I wasn’t able to not care in some profound way, like being attracted to women and never actually being attracted to him. …If you can’t imagine it…I’ll have to hope God can help you understand. Lacey can’t keep reexamining it and explaining it over and over again for the rest of her life. It’s totally sick and unfair to her.

Look…her family really does have a staggering amount of oil. Crude. Light crude. …And she really might have married Michael Rockefeller. For real. …And…things like that…astound her. Because she’s trying to be humble. And listen to other people. …But ironically if left to her own devices she’s…not at all…even aware of what any of that means. Really.

She understands…global politics. Science to some degree. …Economics fascinates her. But…you’ve all lied too…damn…well.

See…she knew I was straight the second she saw me. Or seemed straight. And she’s smart enough to know she shouldn’t disregard that information she provided herself. …But there’s possibly really no way for her to know you’re suffering, if you are. She can sense distress. And…she’s very compassionate. So…if you didn’t lie to her she would pick up on your…unhappiness or insecurity in a loving way. But…you’ve lied so damn much. And you’ve often even yelled at her and embarrassed her for being worried about you. Because of pride? Or…narcissism? Whatever it is…she has no clue.

Yes. I’m an entity writing this through Lacey. …I’m actually Lem Billings. But how would you know that? And to many Christians it will seem like heresy or it will seem sacrilegious that I’m writing this, and therefore impossible to be of God. Be careful.

“What does she think we’re doing? Behind her back?” asks a reader from Instagram.

“We tried to Satanically or through Black Magic cut off any and all human compassion for Lacey. Years ago. …But we’re not Old Money enough in the Illuminati for it to have worked entirely. And the dead have been very active. As has God possibly. As has Tsar Putin…Iran…and North Korea. Sometimes even China. …But…we didn’t and don’t control them as well.” admits the They in the Illuminati.

“What does Lacey assume?” says Lem. He laughs. “She assumes that…”

Summa by Arvo Part plays. Entirely.

“You have a swimming pool. And you lay there on a cloudy, June day…in a huge floatie…isn’t that what they’re called? A floaty? And…you sip lemonade and stare up into the heavens and listen to the birds. And think. …Stuff like that.” says Lacey.

“What was my life like? In Texas? When you were trying to be my friend.” says Casi, somberly.

“You watched Unsolved Mysteries. …In your pajamas. While eating McDonald’s. In your living-room. …And spent copious amounts of money and time spraying perfume. And smelling it. …And driving. And online. And high on pain pills. And…talking with people. And…you…could have worked. But you chose not to. Because you were and are…entitled and angry. Or something. I don’t really know.” says Lacey.

“That’s not you!?” scoffs a hater.

“How IN HELL…did and do you ever make that mistake!?” yells Lem. “OF COURSE NOT!!!”

“No. That’s a sick question even.” says Lacey.

“What do you do?” she asks. “I can’t imagine it.”

“BECAUSE YOU DON’T WANT TO FEEL UGLY AND INFERIOR TO HER!!” yells Lem.

“Dammit.” says a man in St. Paul, feeling guilty.

“My life wasn’t that…posh.” says Casi.

“How often do you eat McDonald’s?” asks the hater of Lacey.

She thinks. Looks confused. “Every…two or three months. Maybe less.” says Lacey.

“So you cook!?” she says to Lacey.

“She’s an excellent cook. I can tell!” says Casi, freaking out.

“Yes. I cook.” says Lacey.

“I didn’t really know you.” says the hater.

“Yeah. And I assumed you were a different person than you are.” says Lacey.

“What do you do?” asks Casi.

“I can’t discuss it.” says Lacey. “It’s too upsetting. But…some days I write. More than I’d like. And…I cook, clean, tidy…plan.”

“Do you dust?” asks a reader.

“Yes!” says Lacey. “I love dusting. It’s such light yet instantly rewarding work.”

Casi nods. “It is.”

“She gardens.” says her neighbor.

“Yes! I may have included that in tidying.” says Lacey.

“Do you read?” asks a man.

“Not anymore. It’s too depressing.” says Lacey. “I’m too unloved to enjoy it anymore.” She thinks. “It just makes me angry.”

“You read the New York Times.” says Bill Gates to Lacey.

“Yes. And stuff like that. …But I can’t read. Really read. Not now.” says Lacey.

Another one of Lacey’s neighbors nods in understanding.

“You know…darling…if Lem wasn’t gay…he wasn’t gay.” says her neighbor to her.

“Then…what…the Hell…is going on?” asks Lacey, poetically.

“FUCK!!” yells a dead American journalist, in shock.

“We took ourselves way too seriously in my family.” says Joe Kennedy Junior.

“Ya think!?!” says Casi.

“What happens if Lem wasn’t in love with Jack at all Lacey!?” asks Joe Kennedy Junior of Lacey.

Lacey sighs. “And he was misquoted or misunderstood?”

“Yes.” says Joe.

“Or he was confused?” says Lacey.

“Yes.” says Joe.

She thinks. Takes a deep breath. “I have to think back to my childhood maybe.” she says.

“Lacey. What you don’t tell them is that you eat chocolate covered strawberries. And drink good iced tea out of $60 glasses while watching Wimbledon. …After vacuuming.” says Joe.

“Oh! Who cares? They think that’s stupid June Clever stuff anyway.“ she says.

She thinks.

“You’re very, very docile. And good tempered. And sweet. …And hardworking. …But you’re a real lady. And…sharper than a tack. And…dangerous…if pushed too far.” says her step-mother-in-law. “You’re not mean. You’re…like a sweet, wild creature. Dignified. But not for a zoo, so to speak.”

“What does she do in a zoo?” asks her father-in-law.

“She escapes.” says the woman. “And becomes a dangerous invasive, albeit beneficial and occasionally benevolent, species.”

“Dangerous how?” asks her father-in-law.

“She’s…one of a kind. And…irreplaceable. Like a potato. But as potentially deadly as a polar bear.” she says. “Or…a hungry snake? An alligator. But she’s fully human. It’s…hard to describe, I guess.”

“Like heroin. But…better. Because it’s what God created Lem for. For him to experience becoming one with.” says a reader.

“She’s better than any drug.” says Lem.

“So you just…do housework. And…then sip tea. In $300 tea and saucer sets. And analyze something. And…plan dinner.” says Casi.

“Yes.” says Lacey. “On a good week day. For a bit.”

“What’s embarrassing about you?” asks a hater of Lacey.

Lacey thinks. “I can’t buy more than one Launer at the moment. Nor can I completely remodel my kitchen at the moment. Nor remodel most things at the moment I want to remodel. …We wasted $60,000…thanks to Citristrip. Truly. It was terrifying.” says Lacey.

“You had to redo your wood?” asks a reader.

“Yes! They paid over $20,000 to redo the wood. In one room.” says Lem. “Thanks to Citristrip.”

“Was it Citristrip?” asks a reader.

Silence.

“Is there an Illuminati!?!” says Michael Rockefeller, getting annoyed.

“Yeah. $60,000 is a lot to lose. By accident.” says a man.

“It is.” says Lem.

“I’m still here. Watching.” says “Grandpa Pantell.“

“So you’d be redoing your kitchen?” asks Casi.

“Let’s not talk about it.” says Lem.

“What else is embarrassing?” asks her hater.

“We need to clean our yard.” says Lacey.

“They do. So do we.” says her neighbor.

“Yes! And I have a weed problem in my garden.” says Lacey.

Her hater nods.

“What else?” says Lacey. “Oh! My kids eat too many sweets. …We have mice. But I’m addressing that. …Our front porch is sagging due to age. …Etc.”

“Like you need new paint?” says a reader.

“Yes! Our roof is good. But there’s lead paint that needs a safe scrapping. And we’d have painted and worked on our deck but it’s rained too much.” says Lacey.

“What else?” asks a hater.

“I love perfume even there’s phthalates.” says Lacey.

“Why can’t you fix your deck?” asks the hater, suspiciously.

“Because it’s rained too much. Truly.” says Lacey. “It’s wood. It would need to dry.”

“Oh. Before you sealed it?” she says, suddenly realizing Lacey isn’t lying. She looks awkward.

“Yes.” says Lacey.

“Did you have to save your tree yesterday?” asks her neighbor.

“Yes!” says Lacey. “It fell over.”

“It looks fine now.” he says.

“It’s being held up by metal and rocks.” says Lacey.

He nods.

“What did you all plant yesterday?” he asks.

“Basil and peppers.” says Lacey. “We tried to grow basil from seed but it was unsuccessful.”

He nods.

“Or peppers I mean!” says Lacey, correcting herself.

“Someone is trying to kill you.” says her doctor suddenly. “That’s the thought that keeps coming to me when I see you. But I ignore it.”

“Because it seems insane?” says Lem.

“Yup.” she says.

“Who channels all of us!?” asks a reader.

“God. Demons. Ghosts. …Possibly also psychics.” says Lem.

“What else is embarrassing about you?” asks her hater.

Lacey thinks. “My carpet upstairs stinks.” she says.

“In your upstairs hallway?” asks the hater.

“Yes. It’s old. But Mark doesn’t want to replace it yet.” says Lacey.

“Okay. Umm…so you’re tired and haven’t gardened enough. The carpet upstairs in your house that has a nice problem smells bad. And…your kids eat too many sweets. And…you need to do a few repairs. And…you foolishly assumed Citristrip was safer than it is…for you… What else!?! What’s…down-to-earth about you?” she says.

“That’s what I could think of.” says Lacey.

“Your messy yard!?” she says.

“Yes.” says Lem, annoyed.

“What financial problems do you have?” she says.

“They’re fine.” says Lem. “It’s hard-work. But they’re fine.”

“So you have money. Okay. Umm…you’re really the person you are on Instagram.” she says.

“In a way.” says Lem.

Their neighbor nods.

“You’re stuffy.” she says.

“Maybe.” says Lacey.

“She’s not as fake as you want her to be.” says a woman. “She’s…not trying to reject people. So much as fight for her life.”

“You’re not like us.” says her hater.

“Okay.” says Lacey, irritated.

“Shelly Long’s character was possibly supposed to be a cartoon version of Lacey that insulted Lacey’s natural beauty. I’m sorry. But…it doesn’t work.” says a dead Shriver.

“Get over it Shelly!” says Shannen Doherty. “Lots of women were prettier than you. Including me.”

“Yeah. Okay.” says Shelly Long.

“So…why McDonald’s?” asks Lacey’s hater.

“Because she showed photos of herself eating there.” says Lacey. “And captioned it by saying, ‘I’m lovin’ it.’” says Lacey.

“Yeah. Okay.

She was fat.” she says.

“Yes. But that’s not why I said that.” says Lacey.

“So there’s nothing narcissistic about you almost at all?!” she says.

“I hope not!” says Lacey. “I mean I hope that’s true. Good grief.”

“I don’t understand why you were friends with Casi.” says the hater.

“Why not? She collected perfume. Why shouldn’t I have been following her?” says Lacey.

“Because she’s rude.” says the hater.

“Lots of people are rude.” says Lacey.

“Yeah. Okay. …But she’s so far beneath you. I was too.” she says.

“And I only cared about that after you all made it matter.” says Lacey.

“So we’re the ones with a problem.” says a man in Scotland.

“Yeah.” says Lacey. “I guess?”

“It was just stupid jealousy.” says Casi.

“I see.” says Lacey.

“So you just saw me as another follower?” says Casi.

“Yes.” says Lacey. “Which isn’t an insult necessarily.”

“You know…you are boring.” says an Illuminati woman to Lacey.

“I am.” says Lem. “We are.”

“I’m not bored by him.” says Lacey.

Lem smiles. “She doesn’t bore me either.”

“So the only way to make you both exciting is to defile you?” asks a reader.

“Possibly. Even if there’s reincarnation.” he says.

“Look. Lots of famous people might be boring. Some people are engaging and some are not. …Lacey and Lem are kind. And good listeners. But Michael Rockefeller was engaging. Louis was fun to watch. …Scott Fitzgerald became fascinating. …Harold was stunning and mesmerizing to watch. …But Lacey and Lem prefer quiet. Not because they’re gay. …And yes. It’s a huge mistake to have so malignantly bothered them.” says something.

“So you need to mow. Trim the edges. Clear out weeds. Pick up sticks. …Wow!! And…your city has a mice issue.” says her hater.

“Yes. Saint Paul has had one for a few years.” says a reader.

“Okay. Umm…I’m sorry you can’t buy more handbags!” she says.

“I don’t care. I’m feeling like I have too many, to be honest. …I buy them to fit in.” says Lacey. “Or be respectful.”

“What are your essentials?” says Casi.

“My silver teapot. My tea cups. My dinnerware and silverware. Glasses, etc. kitchen supplies. …Some of my jewelry. My Launer and Noe. …My makeup and skincare. Ahh…good food. A safe house. …Clean water. A washer and dryer. Internet. …My Audi in good condition. A good driver. …A good mirror. Clean towels. Clean, good beds. Umm…a few good paintings, or prints. …A television. …Clean air. …An oven. A good, safe oven. Stuff like that.” says Lacey.

“This is stupid. Lacey. They’re just jealous.” says Casi.

“But what about Lem!?!” says Lacey.

“He’s probably there with you. And he’s possibly a straight dude.” says Casi.

“But it’s the end of the world.” says Lacey. “Aren’t I responsible?”

“Who told you that!?!” yells Casi.

“I don’t know.” says Lacey.

Casi fumes. Thinks. “Lacey I don’t think Lem is gay. I don’t think he ever was.”

“But they swore he was.” says Lacey.

“They might have been lying.” says Casi.

“LYING!?” says Lacey, in shock.

“Lacey!! People LIE!!” says Casi.

“No!” says Lacey.

“No. Sweetie they do. …They lie to you.” says Casi.

“Not all of the time.” says Lacey.

“They do.” says Casi.

“Then this is bad.” says Lacey.

“What is!?” says Casi.

“I’m GOING TO DIE!” yells Lacey, in terror.

“We all are.” says Casi.

“No! They’re going to kill me!!!” yells Lacey.

“WHO!?” says Casi.

“The- Native Americans? …Or no. Umm…the communists!?… I don’t know. But I feel my life being threatened.” says Lacey.

“Or maybe you’re feeling your father’s trauma?” asks Casi.

“They’re going to kill us!” says Lacey.

“Who!?!” says Casi.

Lacey thinks. Tries to figure it out. “The communists?”

“Why?” asks Casi.

Lacey thinks. “I keep destroying them?”

“That’s your dad!” says Casi.

“But it feels like me.” says Lacey.

“It’s not. Almost guarantee it.” says Casi.

“But I’m involved.” says Lacey. “I can feel it.”

“Not that way! …We don’t necessarily even know you exist.” says a dead Mexican drug lord. “If you’re his daughter. Or didn’t. I’m dead. And he’s dead too!”

“But I can feel like I’m involved.” says Lacey.

“Yeah. That’s how it feels. And you are. But not like that. Not with us. …It’s complicated.” he says.

“What’s GOING ON!??” yells Lacey.

He nods. “You’re life was taken and thrown up into the air. And it’s not turned out well. …It’s a mess.” he says.

“And our jealousy is too much.” says a hater.

“It’s too damn confusing. She’s sorting through tons of baffling hate mail. In her spirit. Daily. And has been her whole life. …And it’s too confusing.

Tell me. Why do you lie so damn much?” he says.

“To feel better about ourselves.” says her hater.

“Well…I didn’t know you were lying.” says Lacey.

“So I have a PhD. Stuff like that.” says the hater.

“Exactly.” says Lacey.

“I’m not that sophisticated.” she says.

“I see.” says Lacey.

“What do you want from her?” asks Lem.

“An apology.” says her hater.

“For believing you.” says Lem,

“What seemed fake?” asks her hater.

“Not much.” says Lacey.

Casi nods. “No. She assumed we were all mostly honest.”

“You seemed authentic enough.” says Lacey.

“Average upper middle class, middle class families.” says a hater.

“Yes!” says Lacey.

“And you didn’t have to have it absolutely correct so you could be a little wrong.” says Casi. “So…good enough.”

“Maybe.” says Lacey.

“No. Lots of people lie.” says Casi.

“It’s too sad.” says a hater.

“Okay.

Well that’s sad.” says Lacey, with sincere empathy.

“Did you ever lie?” asks a hater.

“Possibly about how clean my house is.” says Lacey. “Not really much else.”

“So you’re prettier in person?” says hater.

“Yes! Much!” says Lem.

“We lie about that.” says the hater. “The other way.”

“Oh! I see.” says Lacey.

“You’re not mad?” asks a hater.

“Oh a bit.” says Lacey.

“What’s in your collection right now?” asks a hater.

“Everything on Instagram.” says Lacey.

He nods.

“Anyway.” says Lem. “Someday you can apologize for all being psychotically obsessed with being better than her. …It’s very stupid. And maybe you can also apologize for making big assumptions about me. But…that’s not as insane. As insane. You’ve still ignored common sense about me and my feelings and life for decades. …You bought Jack Kennedy’s lies. Sold yourselves. Sold your communities and families. To buy his lies. And now you’re underwater. …But that’s life! Right? Or is it? Is it a bigger deal than that.

…Say…why are you all so damn obsessed with being better than Lacey…when the real problem is the toxic nature of the current American culture? Why does it feel like an emergency to defeat her? But not Climate Change?” says Lem.

They think.

“Who’s brainwashed you all into thinking that!?” says Lem.