List of Grievances

(July 11th, 2024 – Morning)

“Lacey has a list of grievances she’d like to now list.” says Lem.

“1. Is Jack Schlossberg gay?

…He’s a political correspondent for Vogue!” says Lacey.

“Yeah. I know. It seems very possible. …And if so…it kind of makes you wonder about Jack Kennedy too. Doesn’t it? …Kids aren’t necessarily gay when their parents are. But…if Jack Schlossberg is gay you have to wonder if it skips a generation or something. Or if there’s a family tendency and he’s the one who is. …Jack Kennedy’s namesake.” says Lem.

“Lem do you feel anything grandfatherly towards Jack Schlossberg?” asks a psychic.

“No! …I don’t know him. I’ve not been watching over him. He’s not my grandson in any way. No.” says Lem.

“Oh my God! …Yeah. I mean it’s possible Lem was straight. There’s a slim possibility. …But we don’t think that.” says Jack Schlossberg.

“What do you think?” says Lem.

“We think you were gay.” says Jack Schlossberg.

“I wasn’t. …I’m sorry.” says Lem.

“That’s a problem for us. I’m just going to be honest.” says Jack Schlossberg.

“Why!?” says Lacey. “That’s weird!”

“So you feel scared? Why?” says Lem.

“Because that’s our perspective.” says Caroline Kennedy.

“That’s your family’s whole personality?” says Lacey.

“You know…what if Jack Kennedy was gay? Well…bisexual. Okay!? …And it’s not at all surprising if his grandson would be dancing, as a young man, on camera…and writing for Vogue. …Or are you just exceedingly complicated like Lem and straight? …Because you can’t pretend to be straight…and then not accept that Lem might have been too.” says Anna Wintour. “No… And frankly…I can’t imagine Lem ever writing for Vogue. Or dancing in public entirely authentically. …He actually does seem secretly straight to me too.”

“Yeah. I mean…I’m stuck.

I might be bisexual myself. For real. Or gay. Or pansexual.

And…I can see how Lem might be straight. People can fake stuff. It’s just true. *he shrugs* And by that I mean that he was straight too…not like he’s turned straight now.

So…

But at the same time…I have to work with my family.” says Jack Schlossberg.

“And they’re adamant that Lem has to be interpreted as gay or else?” asks Fox News.

“Ahh… -“ says Jack Schlossberg.

“That’s a yes! I bet.” says Lacey.

“It might be.” says Anna Wintour.

“Why are they so into that narrative?” says Ashley Olsen.

“Because it looks good. It makes us seem straight. …And for better or worse a lot of people in my family are still determined to- We want Jack Kennedy to be the ideal version of himself that’s been traditionally accepted. …He can have a gay best friend. Sure! …But he has to be read as straight himself. Maybe with a secret nod to bisexuality. But…his heterosexual image is so popular. So popular. And…that’s our…oil. In a way. That’s our family brand. …It’s scary to think we’d have to deal with that.” says Jack Schlossberg.

“But can’t you adjust?” says Lacey.

“Or just be ambivalent?” says Jack Schlossberg.

“Yeah! …A lot of people have ancestral woes in that way.” says Lacey.

“She’s right.” says Anderson Cooper.

“Yeah! Ancestors who were…debatable. …In some way or another.” says Lacey.

“Yeah! That’s called being intellectually competent. Right? Intellectually honest. …It’s a lot safer.” says Lem. “You don’t know that I was gay for sure. …That’s not how things work. We don’t have that power over our ancestors or their friends or their circles.” says Lem. “But you don’t need it.”

“Our family brand…is dependent on people’s views of Jack’s sexuality. …We can’t afford to lose that.” says Jack Schlossberg.

“That’s sick.

And not at all advantageous to any of you.” says Lacey. “And actually…that’s part of what I find so annoying.”

“How was it bad? Or is it bad?” asks Jack Schlossberg.

“Because…it’s cheap. It’s cheap side-show stuff.” says Lacey. “You writing for Vogue is a big deal for your family. If you do well. And possibly even if you don’t. …But it doesn’t work, as an aesthetic, if you keep maintaining Jack Kennedy was straight and Lem was for sure gay.”

“Why!?” says Larry David.

“Because those are two different families.” says Lacey. “There’s the one that’s real. And the one that’s fake.”

“Which one is real?” says a female conservative reader.

“What would that look like?” says a male conservative reader.

“This possibly real family? …Jack Kennedy was mostly gay, but still attracted to women too. And…he slept with women often in cruel ways. He was a rapist. And a cheat at almost everything in life. …But he was very popular as an adult with some people…and he came from a very wealthy Irish family. …He married well. …And his kids and grandkids benefited from that. …Are they like him? Well…that’s something to examine over time. …Regardless, his whole family created Camelot. Not just him. Hardly him in a way. He was their first US President. And he might be their only US President, so possibly they’re not American royalty after all. Possibly in reality the Bush family is closer to that. However…they do have a history of being in politics…and it’s not really all that different than other political families who do the same. …Maybe they’re more appealing. But they’re not actually all that unique.” says Lem. “How about that?”

“They’re a troubled…perpetually, stubbornly upper-middle-class…Liberal…American political family. …Traditionally from the East Coast. Traditionally Democrat. …They hate each other and they also possibly love each other. And they’re often narcissistic. And…toxic. And…while they were once very rich they’re now possibly rich…possibly not. …-“ says Lacey.

“And their malignancy ruined the US. …Because of their timing and their role in America they had a huge hand in making things toxic everywhere…and destroying the psychological framework of American democracy. And in that way they’re as bad as the absolute worst of all historical families. They’re vile. …But they’re popular still. And…God will have to save their souls.” says Lem.

“You really can’t stand them.” says a reader to Lem.

“They’re disturbing.” says Lem. “I find the whole family very disturbing.”

“Didn’t you used to feel like one of them?” asks a female Liberal Democrat.

“Yes? In a way. …I was impressed by them. They were extremely wealthy. And I was…impressed. And…I felt impressive by being associated with them. People treated me differently in many cases because of my association with them. …But I never was one of them. Not really. And…that was…a huge misunderstanding between me and lots of people, including them. They later framed me as one of them…but…I was practically kidnapped by them.

…And I think I tried to make the best of it. I often had that attitude in life. …You know? Keep up your hopes and…don’t let yourself feel too gloomy. Try to keep a smile on your face. Make jokes. Laugh. …But…in reality I was miserable most of my life to some degree, at least. And Jack ruined my life. His whole family did.

Was I one of them? …Yes, according to them. I’m reality according to them I would be. But they treated me like a second-class citizen. …I was merely allowed to be there…and they were always quick to make me feel beneath them. With a smile of course. But their attitude was always one of confidence and condescension towards me. Patronizing kindness. Patronizing friendship. …And it’s odd that nobody nowadays writing about me ever truly understands that or even seems to pick up on it at all. Why!? It’s not just an issue of homosexuality and inclusion that’s now…meaningless. It’s an issue of…narcissism…and a lot of other things. …And in the past they would have intuitively and inherently understood that. What happened in the last 20 to 30 years that we forgot that?

So…if they were being honest…they’d say I was basically one of the family. In an extended way. Loosely. …Like a dog. Or what they described me as: A close family friend. But…nobody ever openly accepted me that way, really. …And…my feelings about my place in their family wavered over the years depending on my opinion of them. …But in the end I felt…incredible disdain and despair…mixed with resignation and…a sense that they…were still doing something good for the country so they should be tolerated.

It was not my dying wish for the Kennedy boys to carry me one last time. …That’s not quite what happened. …And…no. I killed myself or was killed around Jack’s birthday for dark, sad reasons that had nothing to do with my supposed romantic feelings for him. …If I’d loved him I wouldn’t have likely killed myself around his birthday. Or been killed. …So no. A lot of that is Kennedy mythology and political spin.

…In the end…I’m not one of them. And never really was. I was…their captive audience. And they used me. And…they often tried to pay me off to keep me happy. …And they did that with lots of people. …No. I’m not one of them.

I was their captive audience though. For most of my damn life.” says Lem. “And I kept trying to be optimistic about it.”

(July 12th, 2024 – Late Morning)

“I was just jealous of you. And I bet Lem was just straight. And eccentric.” says Casi. “Come on Lacey. …You know these things. Right?”

“Why were you jealous?” asks Lacey.

Casi looks gloomy. “You had more money than me. …And still do. And I always wished I was as pretty as you. …And you had a nicer car. And a nicer life. …And you were just nicer in general. …Your life resembled mine in the dreams I’d had for what I wanted out of life. …Old Money. Prestigious. Lots of money. …You took care of yourself. You weren’t crass. …Stuff like that.” says Casi.

Lacey takes a deep breath. Thinks. “Okay. …Did you know I’d be happy for you, if you got things you wanted? …Or did you think I’d suddenly be jealous of you?”

Casi laughs. “No. …Not jealous of my ring. My ring was…cheap compared to yours. …You’re not jealous of my happiness?”

“No.” says Lacey.

“What’s that like?” asks Casi.

“I’m not telling you. You’ll just try to impersonate it and hurt someone possibly.” says Lacey.

“I’m not a narcissist.” says Casi.

“Yeah bloody right!” says Lacey.

“You know maybe I knew you’d be happy for me…a little.” says Casi.

Lacey smiles. “Yeah. …And I am. …You were so sad.”

Casi smiles faintly. “I was.”

“I hope you both stay happy. …I mean it.” says Lacey.

“We will.” says Casi.

“Please try.” says Lacey.

“Yeah. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. …I’m happy enough.” says Casi.

“It’s easier with two incomes and no kids.” says Lacey.

Casi smirks. “Yeah.” She thinks. “Yeah. It really is.”

“Well I was excited for you, actually. …I love seeing people happy. …It’s fun.” says Lacey. “I’m like an old maid. I think I became one in my late teens or 20’s.”

“You’ve felt that way since then?” says Casi.

“Yes! …By my junior or senior year of high school I realized my life was fucked. Totally fucked. …And other than my kids I was right. …And ever since then I’ve just been being happy for everyone.” says Lacey.

Casi squints. “Like…you realized…there was no one alive…who’d love you?”

“Pretty much. …Thelma died around that time too. Thelma was Tom’s long term mistress.” says Lacey.

“So you felt it when she died?” asks Casi.

“Yes. …I might have.” says Lacey. “And I actually do wonder if at least one or two people died on 9/11 too.”

“So you just felt…like what?” asks Casi.

“Dead? Waiting to die?” says Lacey.

Casi furrows her brow. Smiles. “So…you already felt like a dead person walking? Like…you felt dead?”

“Yeah. Maybe.” says Lacey.

Later.

“So what do you live for?” asks Casi.

“On principle. To love Christ.” says Lacey.

“Do you look forward to anything?” asks Casi.

“Just…pleasant things.” says Lacey.

And at that if Casi has a heart at all she cries. “So you have nothing. You look forward to nothing for yourself.”

“Not anymore. Now I’m just preparing myself for death.” says Lacey. “And possibly I interact with ghosts. But I do…enjoy beauty.”

“So your house. Stuff like that. Looking nice. …Nature. Cooking. …And the rest is just about…the afterlife.” says Casi.

“She’s left. She’s with me now. If I’m real…we’re just being good with it…for the rest of her life. Her transition will seem…almost redundant.” says Lem.

“How do you two have sex?” asks Casi.

“Like any other heterosexual couple.” says Lacey.

“That’s true.” says Lem.

“So she actually does see you and feel you…and she at least kind of knows that it’s you?” asks Casi.

“Yes. It’s me. …Yes. At times she knows it’s- We have to be careful because other entities try to impersonate me. But she knows me. She knows my spirit.” says Lem. “If I’m Lem…she knows when it’s me. At least some…if not entirely.”

“So you manifest!” says Casi.

“Well…almost. She can’t fully see me. But close.” says Lem. “At times it’s almost been as if I’m completely there.”

“So…it’s exceedingly likely you’re Lem Billings. For real. And…you were gay?” says Casi.

“Here’s the thing. …There are other dead men who are interested in Lacey. So…there has to be something going on between them for her to stay with him. People can’t keep ignoring that.” says Elliott Roosevelt.

“Jack. You were gay!??” scoffs a dead woman, who’s been in denial about JFK.

“No. I was straight. I was actually heterosexual. …I just pretended to be normal and by normal I mean…happy. I pretended to be a happy-go-lucky…uproariously funny…charming…gay man. Very…well-adjusted but just dealt a bad card. …Lacey thinks I tried to make being gay look more chic. And maybe I did. …But that was far from reality. In reality I was dull. Lacey wouldn’t think so, but other people did and do. I’m very intellectual. And…to most people I seem…too heady. Too much into my thoughts. …I lacked an interest in sports most often because I couldn’t…be that…without constant distracting thought. …I was sad. I was…melancholic. I was…intensely serious. …And Jack obviously didn’t care. He ignored that. But that was the real me. …I was a cheerful person, certainly. Happy in a way. But…I’m not like Lacey. She’s extremely thorough and deeply analytical. …She would never have presumed she was homosexual. Even if she was concerned she was. Because she’s so tentative about things…in a very intellectual way. I’m not that…tentative. And I’m really actually rarely wrong. …But…when she says she’s…anything…you should aim to take her seriously. Because she’s hardly ever mistaken. …It takes an enormous amount of research to argue with her claims when she makes them at all. …And you’re most often wrong. Not always. Take heart! …But most often. …No. I was heterosexual. I really was. And I was a very difficult person apparently to understand accurately.” says Lem. “Because I was different than how people seem to perceive me now.”

Later.

“We know you’re not intimidated by us.” says an Illuminati member to Lacey.

“No. She not.” says Lem.

Later.

“So…you’re…not intimidated.” says an Illuminati man.

“No. That’s a joke!” says Lacey.

“Why?” asks a Hollywood actress.

“What the hell can you really do?” asks Lem. “They’ll die. Eventually they’ll die! …And actually you’re all so damn stupidly narcissistic! …There’s NOTHING. You have NOTHING!!!” he yells.

An Englishman with peasant roots laughs. Lacey joins him. They snicker together, in fake humor.

“What do you all want from her?” asks Anderson Cooper.

“Would you like her…if I had married her?” says Michael Rockefeller.

“Yes. To be honest. Yes.” says a female sports star.

“Because she’d be less scary.” says Michael. “She’s scary now. Because it feels uncontrollable.”

“Michael why didn’t you voice your opinion more?” asks a man.

“I tried. She’s very attacked.” says Michael.

“Why…if there’s reincarnation…do you think she’s the enemy?” asks a dead rich Englishman. He’s watching Wimbledon.

Later.

“Grievance number 2. Why do gay men…and by gay men I mean Liberal gay men…often act like I’m a backward…conservative…backwoods…idiot hoe? …And they all seem to think they’ve stolen…STOLEN…Lem from me. …Like we were together…somehow. …And then they ruined a real…sexual…intimate…relationship. …HOW…does that make any sense?!? …HOW CAN I BE RUINING HIM!?! IF HE ISN’T GAY!?! …That’s SO…SOOO…IDIOTIC!!!!” yells Lacey. Then she breaths and laughs lightly.

A gay man laughs.

Lacey waits to find out what’s funny.

“Yeah. Okay. That doesn’t make any sense.” says an Indian gay man.

Silence.

“Right!? Because…you can’t truly steal him from me…if he’s gay. You’re liberating him. …You can’t do both.” says Lacey, extremely exasperated. “Which one is it!?!”

“Yeah. Which one?” says the Indian man. “Maybe neither.”

“Then what’s wrong!?! Why can’t you just be…indifferent? Why care so damn much!?” says Lacey.

“Because it’s fun to hurt you. And yet feel vindicated.” admits a Gen. Z gay man.

Lacey sighs. “WHY!?” she says like she’s asking a small child.

“Did we get roped into this? And it’s a Democratic Party problem? Or a Liberal problem?” asks the gay Indian.

“Possibly. …Why do you all hate when I’m right? …Why? You all act like I’ve never examined anything. …I was the President of the Messiah College Democrats. …I can sense you’ve not processed that at all.” says Lacey.

“Because…you seemed so…conservative.” says Hillary Clinton.

“Mmm. Not brainwashed?” says Lacey. “Yeah. I’m not fully brainwashed.”

“I think Lem might have been straight. And I think the gay men have acted tragically in the last five years. …It’s sad.” says an Illuminati man in Minnesota.

“They literally had a few rights taken away.” says Louis Hill.

“Because of this!?!” says a gay man.

“Yeah! Lem was straight. And he’s possibly a poltergeist, colloquially speaking.” says Louis. “When Lacey’s…happy…and with him…he won’t be.” Louis thinks. “Why can’t you understand Lem isn’t all of you?!?” He thinks. “He’s his own separate person.”

“Because they’re controlled by the DNC. And…the DNC…

I think they’re being Communists.” says Bobby Kennedy Junior.

“Yeah! …Backwards, idiotic, misogynistic, uninformed, profound losers. …And given enough time they’ll destroy their ‘rights’ completely. …They’re only doing themselves a huge favor if they’re all mentally-ill.” says Lacey.

“We can’t love you.” says Bobby.

“WHY!?” says Lacey.

“It feels like someone made us promise not to.” says Bobby.

“Yeah.

It’s WEIRD.” says Lacey.

“Lacey. If there’s reincarnation…how sure are you that you were a Scottish aristocrat?” asks Bobby.

“I’m pretty sure. About as sure as I can be.” says Lacey.

“And Lem was your beloved husband.” says Bobby.

“I would have been. Yes.” says Lem.

“Then all we say about you and my uncle…is pure rubbish.” says Bobby.

“Your uncle was an asshole narcissist. …Why the fuck…do we assume he had a normal relationship with anyone?!?” says Lacey. “That’s STUPID!”

“You’re right!” yells a Republican at Lacey.

“Yeah. Okay.” says Bobby. He thinks. “How fake do you think the idea we have of him is?”

Lacey thinks. “You’re family is brilliant at being popular. In certain situations. …That’s unusual. You’re all…unusual. But…I think the idealized version of all of you is what’s dishonest. None of you are the heroes we’ve made you out to be. …None. …And yet…you’re all unique too. …And I think that seeming contradiction is what Americans struggle with. …It’s too complicated.” says Lacey.

Putin smiles. “Yeah! …Americans struggle with complication.”

“Why is that?” says Lacey.

“Democracy.” says Putin. He shrugs.

“So…let’s say…Lem is Constantine. …Are gay men…after his power? Subconsciously.” says an Illuminati psychic.

“She’s right. This is stupid.” says Bobby, laughing. “If Lacey is Scotia…clearly God creates love matches between actual equals. Putin and Lacey might work. …But…she’s Scotia. So…she needs a very powerful man like him or Constantine. Shrewd. …*He laughs* My Uncle Joe clearly was into her. …I can’t help but wonder if there’s reincarnation if he was giving himself a compliment with that.” says Bobby.

Awkward silence.

“He would have been. Yes.” says Lem.

“So anyway, yes. …America struggles with complication.” says Putin. “You like…change. But not…drama.”

“Yeah! Nothing too different.” says Lacey.

“We are peasants, Vladimir.” says Lem.

Putin thinks. He nods. “Why did you help him?”

“Can I take a moment to respond?” asks Lem.

“Surely.” says Putin.

Later.

“I thought he would be good. I thought he would be good for the US. Because…he was a poor, Irish immigrant’s grandson. …And I was raised to see privilege…as…suspect. Even though I was raised with privilege. Actually, it was because I was raised with privilege. So…you let him off the hook for being…stupid. Because you think his stupidity comes from his rough upbringing. His rough Irish father. Stuff like that. …And…you assume he’s doing something right for Democracy.

Why didn’t I know better? Well…I didn’t understand how toxic he’d be as a leader. How bad he’d be. To me he seemed…good enough. …I didn’t realize he’d alter things socially the way he did with his legacy. And he has. Bill Clinton loved him. Followed his lead. That’s known. …I didn’t think…they’d do that much harm. …To be painfully honest…I don’t think…I understood that part of human nature. …I’m good at selling things. But…that’s different than politics. Lacey’s good at politics. But bad at selling things.

Selling things is second nature to me.

So…I didn’t understand the implications. Of television. And radio. And…technological advancement. So…I didn’t see it coming. I didn’t think it’d be what it is.” says Lem.

“Did you believe in him?” asks Putin.

“Not really.

I mean…I…was…supportive. I helped with his campaigns. But…I wasn’t…the truly loving cheerleader you’d expect based on what you’ve heard. …But as a narcissist…he’d have hated that. …He had a toxic relationship with my secret ambivalence towards him. …I was only openly his unfailing admirer. And apparently most people fell for that act? …But…Lacey notices and would have noticed that I was not really his fan. …Not really. …It’s odd nobody has ever realized that when I teased him…I was sometimes being actually mean. It wasn’t necessarily…kind. …But it was my only effective way to get at him. He never retaliated when I did that. I think…it was…not something he understood. And apparently most people followed his lead and saw things through his eyes instead of objectively. …And still do.

No. I was…not his undying true fan. …A few of the women he hurt were. But…as his old Choate roommate…I had a right to belittle him publicly and privately…with no consequences. He just made excuses for it and got hurt…and let it go.

…I was a terrible gay husband. I didn’t get jealous. Not really. I mean come on!! …There’s no adult, rational explanation. People made shit up. …I don’t think they thought it through at all or they knew what they were doing. Throwing me under a bus. …I was never…jealous. …That’s nonsense. Again, look at actual EVIDENCE. Not some jackasses anecdotal, secondhand hot-take on my facial expressions. …I was HAPPY at Jack’s wedding. …I was very happy. Not jealous. That’s IMPOSSIBLE. …Based on David Pitts’s novel that’s impossible. But it’s what happened. …No, I wasn’t actually jealous. Nor possessive. …I was…possibly hurt at times. But it wasn’t romantic jealousy. It was possibly…a feeling of being rejected and discarded in general. …Sort of like there was something inherently wrong with me. My height. My asthma. My glasses. My family’s lack of great wealth after we lost it. …My…choice to try to be homosexual. …I think I felt…hurt. Possibly. But…it was never sexual or romantic jealousy or possessiveness. I may have thought it was myself…but….no. It couldn’t have been. …And frankly…it just wasn’t.

Look…I thought I was gay. I wasn’t. But I thought it was. So…while I didn’t actually give a shit if Jack slept with other people…because he really wanted to…and he made arguments that he should…I did feel rejected at times anyway. Just on principle. …Because he went so far with it. And…it was probably at times to hurt me. …Narcissists sometimes take pleasure in hurting people.

So…he’d purposefully exclude me. And actually…I wonder if he made me an usher and not a groomsman because I didn’t show enough misery at the thought of him getting married. And he assumed it was because of how much I loved him. So…he…tried to make it hurt more by rejecting me more. …You do realize it’s off I’m so happy…and that I’m an usher?” says Lem. “As his so-called best friend.”

“Did he punish you after the wedding?” asks a reader.

“Yes. He made me feel poor.” says Lem.

“So he punished you for being straight and happy for him…by actively setting out to make you feel poor…after his wedding?” asks Billie Eilish.

“Yup.” says Lem.

“But you were just sincerely happy for him.” says a gay actor.

“Yup.” says Lem.

“Geez!” says another gay actor.

“Did you ever feel in love with him?” asks a gay actor.

“You mean did I ever trick myself into thinking we were in love?” says Lem. “I thought I was in love. But…no. I never felt in love.

What did I think it meant to be in love? …Fear. Fear of change. …Mostly just fear of change. …So…no deep emotional connection. No emotional roller coasters. Just…a foreboding feeling looming over you when you considered being alone. A feeling of…fear.

So…what would become of me…if Jack wasn’t there to take up my time? What then? …He had no qualms about bothering me. And I liked feeling useful.

So…sex? Between me and a woman? …Wow! Now that sounded great! Right? …And yet…I didn’t want to be promiscuous. So…all that stuff? Well…that was the stuff of fairytales. …And…I think in the back of my mind I hoped I’d get married and have a family someday. Secretly. …Meet some sexy, sophisticated woman who understood me. Like Lacey. But…she wasn’t there. And…those women had lots of other eligible men to choose from. …With careers. Successful careers. Lives of their own. …Who didn’t act gay. And smoke. And drink too much. And…who weren’t huge. And…asthmatic. With glasses.

Lacey loves me. Lacey thinks other women are crazy for not falling madly in love with me. Or I’m lying. …But that’s because I’m perfect for her. …She could never be as happy with anyone else. And her pain is enormous right now because of that. …I truly am hers for eternity. Well…she’s mine. So…when you insist on your false narrative about me…it’s dangerous.

And you know…she’s…a lot safer than her friends. Her friends…if there’s an Illuminati…are extremely dangerous people. So…be careful.” says Lem.

“If there’s reincarnation don’t bother trying to worship Allah to get on our good side. …Egypt isn’t going anywhere. But you might be.” says a Muslim in the Middle East.

“What was it like when you realized you weren’t gay?” asks Jon Stewart.

“I wanted to die. …I wanted to kill myself.” says Lem. “I was beyond embarrassed. I was…happy in a way. But then I also wanted to kill myself. …What had I done? I had destroyed myself. I had completely ruined myself. It felt extremely hopeless. …And shortly thereafter I did die.”

“Did you feel like an idiot?” asks Ben.

Lem cries. Controls himself. “Yeah! I felt like a huge idiot. …It was extremely embarrassing.”

“Because you worried someone knew?” asks Ben.

“Yeah. And I knew. I knew how dumb I looked. …I started talking as myself alone in my apartment…and I heard my real voice…and I felt…so stupid. Like…was I retarded!? How did I miss that it was weird to be so damn fake all those years!? Was I retarded!??” says Lem.

“You had us fooled.” says Bobby.

“I think a part of you all knew.” says Lem. “I think you all knew, somewhat.”

Later.

“Quick question. Does Lem’s family possibly know he was possibly not gay?” asks a gay man.

“Yes! Absolutely.” says Lem.

“Mmm. Kay. Huh.

Lem how pissed-off are they?” asks a billionaire. “Like how much have we made assholes of ourselves to them over the years?”

“You’ve made complete assholes of yourselves. Often.” says Lem’s father. Teddy Roosevelt laughs with Lem’s dad.

“Fuck!!” yells the billionaire.

“Why are you so worried about Lem’s family?” asks Lacey.