Everybody Got Their Something by Nikka Costa plays.
“That ain’t my thing.” says Chris Hayes ON BEHALF OF ALL STRAIGHT AMERICAN ELITE MEN.
(Adult content below)
“Yo. YEAH!” says an American billionaire. “What here in America gets a straight man sexually aroused, and serving cock?”
“Cut the trash music!?” says Chris Hayes, annoyed.
“Can we specify that that’s in America only! In America alright!?” yell all men outside of the US.
“I mean yeah sure, whatever!!” yells Chris Hayes.
“What’s sexy here, JD?” asks the Illuminati.
“OH MY GOD!!!” yells a closeted dark American billionaire Muslim. “I LOVE HER!”
“You love her?” asks the “American elite.”
Mercy by Duffy plays.
“Yeah! I mean, ‘HAVE MERCY!’” he says, fanning himself.
1:15
“Yeah. Right? Kate looks like her.” says Chris Hayes.
The song ends.
These Boots Are Made For Walkin’ by Haley Reinhart plays.
“Oh my god!” says Chris, annoyed.
Erin quickly changes the song.
Time Out by Dave Brubeck plays.
“I just-I like a more pristine quality in a woman.” says Chris.
“That is a beautiful look, but I don’t know why you think that that is what the upper class all likes in America. Why do you and the billionaires think that-that is the sex goddess of the US? For the real upper class, according to you?” says the CIA.
“Because it just is. It just is. I mean…I just I know that it is. I just know it is.” says Chris Hayes.
3:31 of Blue Rondo à la Turk plays.
“I mean there is scientific evidence to suggest that upper class men like women with smaller boobs. Smaller boobs are correlated to high intelligence.” seriously says a white closeted Republican male MAGA in the Illuminati.
“But why would you think that-that there is- That- Ahh…you guys are talking about things that are somewhat real…but it’s very complex and what you’re looking at is a more androgynous frame. I have an androgynous body and I might actually be somewhat bisexual, and I appeal to lots of different people and I’m quite comfortable in my own skin but-but I don’t think that I am the ultimate sex standard for straight men in the upper class. I don’t think that’s probably likely.” says Tilda Swinton.
“ well, that’s her opinion, but am I I happen to know for a fact that that’s not true because JD Vance and I were talking last night I mean we were talking after the debates and it was a really long conversation where we just did a lot of talking Kate was asking about it the other day and I just so we did a lot of talking we just talked a lot it was just a really nice you know edifying conversation after the debate yeah at Ella out of the house. Yeah we just talked for a while and I when we were talking the other night and we had a really interesting talk about women and body, and what it means to be human and afraid.
And I came to the conclusion that that is the ultimate idea of my wife his wife, a lot of the wives of the people that I know who are billionaires a lot of their wives look like my wife, and some of them get implants, but not as much anymore that was a trend really, and women you know bent over backwards, unfortunately due to the anti-female bias in society, and so they get plastic surgery when they don’t necessarily need to I mean we got on this conversation because I said that I would’ve hit mats wife Kate hard every night and that I thought he seemed a little gay. and then he said you don’t have enough information about the situation and I said I know enough I don’t need to know anymore.
And he said no my wife is very beautiful and I told him to just shut the fuck up I don’t wanna know anymore I don’t wanna know anymore because I know what his wife looks like naked I’ve thought about her a lot since yesterday and so did JD Vance. And I mean she wasn’t a part of the conversation that we had the other day after the debate but we talked about her in our hearts the other day and she is our ideal. Oh, and yes, I am bisexual. JD Vance is bisexual, but I know at least I know enough straight men that would think she was the ideal and they all happen to be billionaires Him and I just see a trend emerging and I I just I think Pamela Anderson, and all of the women who look like her because Lacey is built more like that. No the tiny waist like Rachel word, but Rachel words a little more like Tilda Swinton, then Lacey realizes so like the tiny waist and the wide hips and then you know the tits as Elliot Roosevelt calls them that’s not really him that’s not really a thing in the upper class maybe it was in the 1700s or the 1800s but today it’s really more popular to look like my wife or look like his wife which is how I know that Tom Bangston water is his daughter and we’re just misunderstood that because he totally brutally rejected her.
So no, it’s just it’s obvious Matt that my wife is the ideal and your wife didn’t get implants like you apparently wanted her to see the things that come out that when you die the things that come out of the closet are psychics read you saying that you would’ve enjoyed if she had implants, and I happen to know that that’s very trashy Him and so I’m just saying that look is trashy, and that his wife is actually the ideal and that he killed himself because he was in capable of being elite.” says Chris Hayes.
“ hey, my wife was very beautiful to me and whatever qualms I had about her body is something that I never wanted to discuss openly but I did so out of respect for God and I think you’re kind of conflating things right now.” says Matt.
Strange Meadow Lark plays.
“ no I’m not.” says Chris Hayes, sharply.
“ you’re not what, Chris?” says Matt.
“ I’m not-I’m not wrong!” says Chris Hayes.
1:15
“ you know the human body is very complicated. My wife is a little bit like ~there’s a bit of her that’s like Lacey and other women of that sort but it sounds Chris like you’re not allowing for there to be nuance it sounds like you’re trying to demand that everyone look like a bisexual, androgynous woman.” says Prince William.
1:40
“ but fit the thing is though there are a lot of men I may be such as yourself your majesty to who may actually your Royal highness. I’m sorry I feel the need to call you that who might actually like that look Chris just wanna make that clear like you’re not being evil right like you’re you really think this like you’re not trying to insult your wife or insult JD, Vance‘s wife or insult my wife you’re not insulting them you’re you’re trying to say that they’re really elite or are you insulting them?” says Matt.
1:56
“ I know I am I am not insulting them, Matthew I am saying that there that they’re superior.” says Chris Hayes.
2:10
“ and in your perspective, that’s the case whether that’s true or not in reality but then you’re demanding that all upperclassman consider them as such because that’s your perspective or you just think that’s what is happening and that’s just what should be labeled as as ‘is happening’?” says Matt.
2:33
Chris stares.
“ i’m just at know I’m saying that… But that’s reality and Matthew. I hope someday you’ll be able to except the fact that our family is superior to yours.” says Chris.
“ Chris who is in your family who do you who do you include in your family now that Diego’s dead?” says Lem.
“ you know that’s not here or there.” says Chris.
“ what is JD Vance in your family today Chris?” says Lem.
3:50
“ hey that-that is not pertinent to this discussion. Thank you…very much!“ says Chris.
“ well, so white why do you assume that all upper classmen believes that Tilda Swinton is the sex? God, who are straight that’s the important thing not not bisexual men like you and JD Straetman you seem to think that all of men consider Tilda Swinton, the ultimate sex god?” says the Illuminati.
4:31
“ so is it so so I just I don’t I don’t know why you think this Chris but I am old money and I am barely in the illuminati anymore and it seems like the illuminati believes that it’s about money so or is that not correct? let’s put this interesting to titillating discussion aside for a minute And let’s discuss let’s discuss what exactly it is that you classify as the elite who are who always who were these elite people? What is this elite group of people that you were thinking about?” says the CIA.
“ I was thinking about him. I was thinking about him. I was thinking about I mean I I I I was think I was thinking a lot never mind.
I was thinking of about Kate.
And I was thinking about about Kate.
Oh, and so I was thinking about Kate.” says Chris.
5:33
“ Which Kate!??!?” says the perfume community.
5:37
“ Kate, Kate Hudson.” says Chris.
Kate Hudson nods and smiles, confused. “ someone said my name?” says Kate Hudson.
“Ahh no we were just talking about the Hudson river. It’s real wet!” says Bobby Kennedy Junior.
6:19
“ oh, my gosh! OK wow!” says Kate Hudson.
6:44
“ so what-who is this? Who is this-who it-who are these elite people Chris that you believe exist?” says the Illuminati.
The song ends.
Take Five plays.
The song plays as Chris thinks.
“Oh well OK so it’s about how much money you have.” says Chris Hayes.
“But then why are you more elite than my Uncle Eric Nesheim?” says Matthew.
They all wait for a response.
The song plays.
“Because we’re intimidating!!!” yells JFK.
The song plays.
“So in America social class is about how intimidating you are. Then what does money have to do with it?” says the perfume community.
“Because our money is super intimidating!” says Chris Hayes.
Nothin’ by N. O. R. E. plays.
“This MY BEAT!” says Chris.
“Why?” asks Egypt.
“Oh fuck you don’t interrupt me right now!” says Diego through Chris as Chris dances, shaking his ass.
“So you think you own Egyptian music?” says Lem.
“I sure as fuck do. I sure as fuck do, bish!” says Chris’s billionaire posse, seriously.
“See y’all just don’t know how to handle your women and that’s where I was going with it. Kate would’ve rather been with me and a lot of other guys I know. We were capable of giving her a better time than Matthew you could ever imagine.” says a drunk billionaire.
“What if she didn’t find any of you attractive enough?” says Matt.
“ she would totally find all of us attractive because because I mean why wouldn’t you find us attractive I am an incredibly hot man I’ve got a yacht I’ve got a dog I allowed people to do drugs in and drink and it’s like the great Gatsby it’s a really good time and she would’ve just had a great time and I just don’t understand you people you’re so dumb it’s not possible by the way that that be it could be a Gyptian and an ancient way which is what a lot of black musicians have been saying for a while because they don’t think that’s possible and Lacey insist that that is what ancient Egyptian music sounded like if she’s reincarnated but we know for a fact that that’s not possible and then that’s just we have a wealth of information at our fingertips yeah I have a lot of iPhones and a yacht and I can buy all that shit and you can’t that’s intimidating. I can tell she’s extraordinarily intimidated I mean holy shit, so I’m just kind of waiting for that real intimidations to manifest and it’s been eight years and I’m starting to think it’s not going to happen, oh but then where does then intimidations have anything to do with the fact that I am a billionaire I’m a fucking billionaire fuck you!” says a drunk billionaire. 
0:38 plays at the song restarted.
“What color was the sexy dress that you wore to Matt’s dinner party before the wedding?” says the UK.
“Brown!” says Matt.
“OK I’ll explain!
Is witchcraft! …It’s just witchcraft.
Okay? CALM DOWN.
Brown College? Brown dress. Rachel Ward Brown.
So the problem is this song? Somebody asked my family, ‘What you doing nigga?’ And I said, ‘Nigga nothing! Absolutely nothin’! We’re just in purgatory minding our own damn business.’” says JFK.
1:57 plays at JD walks, overweight, bisexual, a soft-chinned man. On an expensive yacht. In a grey suit. With a scowl on his face. The timing is impeccable.
“Umm…Donald Trump Junior are you by any chance half Spanish or half Eastern European?” asks a woman.
“I’m half Eastern European, but it’s a darkness. It’s a handsome darkness.” he says.
JD almost falls. 4:14. On the yacht.
React ( feat. Redman) plays.
“Come through masculine, yo!” yells Lacey at Chris and his posse. “That’s HOTTT!!” She dances, mocking them.
A dead Englishman twerks to mock them. At 1:50.
“Whatever she said? Then I’m MAD!!” yells Lacey to mock them.“
“Damn! Hoe you fuck the chickens before you sacrifice them to the cats eaten by the Haitians?” asks Lem.
“I do not engage an animal bestiality. That is not something that happens in the Illuminati!” says Chris Hayes, offended.
“But you admitted like an hour ago that you did?!?” says a woman in the Old Money.
“No I didn’t. I did not realize that that was happening and I don’t think that’s happening in the elite that I am a part of.” says Chris Hayes.
Silence.
“Oh I don’t think that’s true.
Could you guys tell us more about how you’re elite because I still don’t get it. According to you all my Uncle Eric Nesheim not being Kate’s husband or rather I’m sorry brother or relative, should have seen her at my wedding, and felt as though- *Matthew cracks-up laughing* And felt as though she was his by the authority of his superior wealth and ability to intimidate me as my uncle.
In our social class system it goes that I’m younger and- Well it’s very complex, but I’m allowed to marry her freely. But according to your social class system Kate would actually belong to my Uncle Eric first and other people in my family.” says Matt.
Gangsta’s Paradise by Coolio plays.
“Oh well no I mean he passed her up because he’s inferior. So it’s kind of about intimidating people and not just how much money you have. How much money you have is somewhat arbitrary. It’s about how intimidating you are. So according to our class system, which is the American social class system in reality your your uncle Matt your uncle Eric just was an intimidating enough person to take Kate away from you. I guess she just- Ahh…he didn’t feel you know-he didn’t have the balls basically dude. …That’d be my answer!” says a cocky billionaire, sincerely and seriously.
“So what about the other people in his family?” says an actress.
If I Can’t by 50 Cent plays as JD and Chris imagine the Nesheims fighting over what they consider table scraps thrown to them of Kate.
“How many-How many millionaires did you have in your family who were male?” says a billionaire, condescendingly. He’s into science.
“Oh shit you guys are pulling out the big guns. Crap Matthew you’re a bitch.” says Bobby Kennedy Junior sincerely. He finds those men extremely intimidating, sincerely.
“Let’s see. Like five or six probably.” says Matt.
“OK so you’re like poor people basically. I mean I’m just gonna say it man, I’m sorry. I’m leveling with you. We see you as the poor.” say five billionaires.
“So to you guys of a poor person lives in this house literally:
Or this house:
Or this house:
“Yeah…hundred percent guarantee, possibly God’s honor, we very well may see them as the peasant bitches that we like to screw over with our big, hard fat cocks.” says a member of “the crew” of the American billionaire elite. 
“Ahh…you seriously believe that these are poor people? Not the lower upper class or the middle class but that they are no different than really seriously impoverished people? Or how do you perceive someone who lives in like a shack or trailer park as compared to the person living in the houses I showed you?” says the CIA.
“We don’t see the difference! We’re so rich and powerful that we fail to perceive any difference.” says ‘the billionaire crew.’
“Where exactly do you people live?” says the CIA.
“We buy whole islands. We buy a whole island.” say the billionaires.
“Oh, and what kind of houses do you have on these islands then?” says the CIA.
“ I mean the houses themselves might be smaller than the ones you’re showing but that’s not the point. The point is that we own the island.
I’m not falling for your bullshit because if I were to build a house that was big enough to prove that I am far superior to you it would probably take up an entire fucking state. And then I’d have to kill millions of-of worthless pieces of shit to build my gigantic estate on…and so then I would put my gigantic estate on a State and it all be like so intimidating you’d choke on your intimidation!” he says sincerely and seriously.
“Oh well, I would think that after killing all those millions of people like ripping out trees to build your enormous estate-house that you would probably. You would probably be intimidating that’s true you would. You would’ve also wiped out a lot of human lives so I’m not sure what social dynamics that would create, but hey if that’s what you want to do, you can just bulldoze a lot of land. Ya! What if God wants you to? Because there’s a lot of people who’d like to die. There’s a rural suicide epidemic.
I think if we had a Christian revival you could probably. Yeah? If you convince everyone to become a Christian you could totally just kill like lots of people. Send them to wherever they’re going, right ha ha? And then you could just build your enormous house to prove yourself because you’re being really kind and loving like Jesus right?” says Lacey.
“Ahh yeah I cut. Except it’d be a really big house and I will spend hours walking around before I will get to the other side. Possibly days and then I’d get really hungry and there will be no one to feed me. So maybe I should do it anyway, but we’ll see.” say the current adult billionaire crew.
“Yeah I mean you run out of people to make money for you because you’re capital is just bullshit and I’ve been trying to explain that to people but that’s OK we’re not-we’re not having that conversation. So we’ll just listen to you go on about what you think because I’m curious.
Oh, so you’re going to build enormous, bizarre, freakish houses to sort of resemble your wealth? And I’ve seen some houses that are that hideous to be honest in this country. Lake Minnetonka has a decent number of them there. And they look like an architectural disease but no, no, no that’s too small anyway. You want one that is probably the size of the entire state. So then you should do that! You should just do that! You should totally do this! Have a revival first of Christianity and then you guys should just kill off like lots of people to build theses houses. Like really most of the US population you should totally just kill. We should probably pray to Christ. All of us! But then you could just totally kill us all off and we would see you on the other side!
Gosh you’re such bad asses! You are such bad asses! You should so do that!
Umm you should probably also repent and pray to Jesus before and after you do that, but oh my God forgive me if this is wrong I’m really tempted to say this.
That we should have a revival, we should we should have a Christian revival and then all these billionaires should just kill off like most of the United States population in every state . There’s only 50 states. And there’s probably a decent number of people who live in each state so you should just kill us all with like bulldozers and bombs and stuff. Yeah I bet North Korea and Iran would totally help you for sure so they could just clear out the land and just bomb everyone.
We will have to have a Christian revival first. But then like just blow everybody up and then you guys could just like Taco Bell for dinner? And contact Bernie Sanders. And be like Bernie I am more down to earth and communist-involved than you. My children who just committed suicide are probably with you, but I was raising them right because I was never going to give them a fucking cent of my own money…because I wanted them to evolve and take care of themselves like I did. And be tough! I just wanted to just let them die and be with you, Bernie. And I still win because I’ve got Taco Bell…and you’ve got my son.
Have you seen my house? Holy shit it’s big. Tis as big as my money!’” says Lacey mockingly.
“And then what do you all think we’re doing in the afterlife?” asks a man who is in America.
“Ahh…watching us…with envy.” he says.
“As your houses fall into repair?” says another woman.
“They won’t! They rich people house!” says JFK.
“Jack…who would service the house?” asks Dmitry.
Jack comes back a few minutes later. “Robots.” says Jack.
“Who builds and maintains the robots, Jack?” asks Dmitry.
“Other robots.” says JFK, shrugging.
“Huh. Jack..could you guarantee robots can’t fall in love?” asks Dmitry.
“No.” admits JFK.
“Actually…even if they didn’t develop sentience…I’m still lost as to how you’re going to maintain all the robots. Over massive amounts of land.” says Dmitry.
Jack looks weird. “I’m sorry. I don’t understand.” he says.
“So…how does one advance? If gaining the strings of physical power isn’t it? And gaining the money isn’t it? Then how does one advance?” says a billionaire.
“You don’t. Almost ever.” says Lacey bluntly.
“So you’re full of shit!?” says the American Illuminati to Lacey, hopefully.
“No. This is just reality.” says Lacey.
“Possibly.” says Lem.
“So…you two would be?” he says as an American billionaire in a faux stuffy voice, he takes very seriously.
“Upper class. Lower upper class.” says Lem.
“No!!!” whines Diego through Chris Hayes.
Keen to Cross the Pond 
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