“So Lacey had a crush on you, in college?” says Lem to Caleb.
“Yes.” he says.
“Did you find her attractive?” says Lem.
He thinks. “Yes.” he says.
“Did you find her arousing?” says Lem.
He thinks. “Yes!” he admits, apprehensively.
“Did Lacey know that?” says Lem.
He looks more nervous. “No.” he says.
Lem nods. “What did you tell her?” he says.
“She told me she had a crush on me. And asked if I felt the same. …I…told her…that…I didn’t reciprocate those feelings. At all.” he says, smiling awkwardly.
“WHY!?” says Lem.
He smiles very weirdly. Hesitates. “Because…I did find her…attractive…but…I chose to lie…because…all I wanted from her was sex. …And we were at a Christian school.” he says.
“That was lying.” says Lem.
He looks worried. “Yeah. …But…at the time…I was selfish…and just…felt…it was in my best interest.”
Lem nods. “So you wanted to sleep with her?”
“YEAH!” he says.
Lem nods. “So…you had no concern for how it would affect her?”
He looks confused. Thinks. “Ahh…well…I mean…she’s not my responsibility!”
“So you wouldn’t have cared if she lived or died?” says Lem.
“I mean…I’m not that bad. …But…I guess I didn’t care that much.” he says.
“Okay.
You completely confused her.” says Lem. “There were numerous Christian young men like you everywhere.”
He goes silent.
“You helped ruin her entire life.” says Lem.
He looks defiant. Possibly quite evil.
Silence.
“Why couldn’t you just tell her the truth?” says Lem.
He shifts. Thinks. “Because if I had…I wouldn’t have trusted myself with that information. …I’m afraid we would have slept together.”
“Because you assumed she was a desperate slut?” says Lem.
He thinks. “I mean…she had a crush on me.”
“That didn’t mean…she would have automatically slept with you.” says Lem.
He thinks.
“She told you she had a crush on you.” says Lem. “Not that she wanted to sleep with you.”
“But I could tell she found me attractive.” he says.
“Yes. …But…she wouldn’t have automatically slept with you.” says Lem.
He looks disturbed.
“YEAH!” says Lem.
“Why…was she telling me that!??!!” he says.
“Did you want to sleep with her!??” says Lem.
He closes his eyes. “Yeah.” he admits.
“She picked up on that. And she…started to think you might have deeper feelings for her than just mere image attraction.” says Lem.
He thinks. “OH!” he says, seemingly very disturbed.
“Yeah!” says Lem. “You REALLY confused her.”
He thinks. “HOW THE FUCK…DID SHE NOT KNOW THAT!??”
“Know what!?” says Lem.
“That…she could be arousing…without men finding her…datable?” he says, half scoffing.
“SHE KNEW THAT!” says Lem. “She just couldn’t tell the difference yet…in certain cases.”
He thinks. Looks sad. Looks thoughtful.
Silence.
“I guess I could have told her.” he says.
“YES!” says Lem. “But…she had to figure that out the hard way. And…that’s what you chose.”
“I was embarrassed.” he says. “I’m a Christian. And I didn’t want to think I could find a woman attractive without having feelings that were deeper for her as well.”
“Huh.” says Lem.
“I had a good reputation.” he says.
“Yup.” says Lem. “So you sacrificed her…safety…to keep your good reputation?”
“I mean…I guess.” he says.
“Who taught you to be such a bag of festering shit?” says Lem.
“My dad…and pretty much every man in his generation.” he says. “Pastors. Lay people too though. …I mean the options were to be…1. a dog. Who just uses women. …Or 2. to be pure. And holy. …And…I’m neither. …I try to be pure. …But…I couldn’t and still can’t cut it. Not always. …So…I guess I seriously messed-up.” he says.
“Okay.” says Lem.
Silence.
“I mean don’t you feel guilty!? YOU HELPED ELECT THE ASSHOLE…WHO FUCKED ME UP PSYCHOLOGICALLY!!! YOU DID THAT!!” he yells at Lem, enraged.
“I do.” says Lem. “Yes. But…I had reasons. Valid, tragic reasons. …And so sadly…I can’t be that responsible. …I’m one of his biggest victims. …He destroyed my life. And he hasn’t been able to let go to this day. …I’m sorry I didn’t kill him…but that was my only real option. …Killing him, making it look like a real accident…and covering it up.”
He laughs in response.
Lem stares at him.
He keeps laughing. “Isn’t that…sorta what happened????” he says.
Lem smiles slightly.
“Okay. Yeah…you can’t convince people.” he says. He opens his mouth and silently laughs. “Man! They think you were in love with him!”
Lem rests his face in his hands. Exhales.
“MAN!” he says.
Lem sits back. Thinking. Silently.
“Yeah…umm…I’m sorry.
What happened?” he asks Lem.
“You completely confused her.” says Lem
He looks quizzical and possibly slightly amused.
“Huh. So…she based huge amounts of her perspective on life…on that one interaction!?” he says.
Lem nods. “YUP!” he says.
“SHIT!” he says.
“Lem can I can I interrupt?” says Don Lemon.
Lem nods.
“Lem a lot of people in the Illuminati are convinced Lacey is a lesbian because they clock her looking at women and just admiring how beautiful they are and they’ve never seen someone do it in that way who’s not a lesbian. Why does she do that?” says Don Lemon. “Because I am sensing some kind of connection and I’m pretty good at journalism, so what is it?” 
“ she doesn’t understand that she’s one of them she’s been so alienated from living people that I could literally have a sexual relationship with her as a ghost that’s viable and Anne pull her if God didn’t stop me to the other side while we were sleeping together that’s how close she is to crossing over for basically almost no reason physically at all. And that’s happened because she’s been so alienated from living people so she’s very much a person but her psychology is like mine or other people in my generation, add to an an an on natural degree because you guys have been awful to her, possibly since she was born and so abandoning her, rejecting her abusing her, neglecting her bullying her And accusing her of things that she hasn’t done it’s been disgusting. Gaslighting her constantly and telling her she has no idea what’s going on when she’s incredibly aware of a lot. And this was one way that she was Gaslite and it’s really sad. I know Jack had a lot to do with it but unfortunately like I told his gentleman, there’s nothing that I can take responsibility for in a way that people would want me to because I’m not actually responsible and it isn’t helpful for anybody. So the most I can do is what I’m doing. Unfortunately I’d like to be able to do more but I’m being restrained not by godly forces but by evil and that’s actually slightly deteriorated over the last couple of years because Lacey and I both have been working at That and God has been using us but it’s a fallen world and there were some very evil people who were obsessed for petty sad reasons, And so all that we can do is what we can do. So what that means then is that she looks at straight women all women in a very objective almost 4D type of way. So there’s no attraction that’s real on her part at all but she analyzes them from every perspective, including that of a straight male. She does that with everybody but women I think Sammy will say she’s OCD but she’s not. She’s just been Gaslite too much by too many abusive people, so she knows that she’s straight, but she’s not listening to that part of her self, because that part of herself has been so abused and silenced that she has been trained not to listen to it, and to think that it’s just garbage. Unfortunately, mainly by people like Jack Kennedy, possibly even literally him himself him and so she has a gut sense but it’s hard for her to access that. Actually, that part of herself is also restrained. Spiritually, I am she can’t fully access her own spirit at times, but she can go or in a roundabout way to access it because it’s her spirit, but they literally have both of us chained up spiritually practically in this fallen world, which is part of the reason why when we sleep together I’m so tempted at times to pull her to the other side Because it’s a living hell for both of us to some degree and then having our kids in this shit hole yeah it’s very possible that there are dead people who literally are trying to help us die because it’s such a shit hole life and they can tell that it’s not unreasonable that were worried that our kids would be better off dead with us on the other side.
I think it’s admirable that Caroline Kennedy called her cousin a predator but I think it’s too little too late that whole family is full of predators and if this is a real conversation, I am a huge victim and so is she that isn’t just disappearing that isn’t going away.
So that’s part of what’s happening let me to boil that down a little more for you so she sees women and she thinks wow you’re sexy damn you are arousing and then Jack was trying to convince her. She was a lesbian because he thought it was funny, even though she’s not at all and yeah, he was using people rejecting her as part of the process of confusing her he’s an incredibly sadistic evil person, a lot of pedophiles do that to kids to because they should be shot in the face but that might be a little too luxurious for what they will. They really deserve what they really deserves to be left in a fallen world with an antichrist with no children and no way to reproduce And then just wait for a rapture. That’s what those people really deserve to live in the festering shit hole that they’ve created, hoping that someone will come save them from themselves. That’s what they deserve just for 20 years for 10 years they deserve to live in an absolute shit hole with no children no way to procreate Castrated him falling into some sad delusion where they are terrified every day before they die before Christ comes back something like that that’s what they deserve but that’s what you know up to God to decide him, but he was like that he was like that there’s a reason people shot him.
Oh, you don’t have to agree with me but you can’t make me not say what I just said that’s the thing I say stuff like this and I get a very strong sense that you would rather just shut me up and hear the truth and that’s why you people are losing the United States because you can’t do that you can’t just shut people like me up because it’s too disturbing to you and then we woke and pretend like you care at the same time and have that be your entire political platform that’s that’s bullshit!
You can’t have it both ways you can’t shut up truth that’s disturbing to you that you’d rather not know because it makes you feel sad and then expect some people who are different than you to be stronger than you about. Whatever bothers them that much. No that’s hypocritical bullshit Expecting some white male in a farm to think it’s fun to watch men kiss a child or when he finds it actually repulsive and then you can’t hear this. It really almost has nothing directly to do with you is hypocritical, if if homosexuality is allowed and have a no that’s hypocritical. You’re only OK with what doesn’t inconvenience and scare you!” yells Lem.
“That would be why I got involved because I completely agree with that!” says Cyrus.
“ so yeah, you know the sad thing is is that Cyrus comes from an upper class family and that’s heartbreaking to Lacey and I because we don’t know what to make of that that’s very disturbing that he that he comes from such privilege we don’t like that because that’s a consistent theme for us. It seems like everyone who empathize with our perspective, be there a nonbinary or gay or straight usually is is from an upper class background and we can never seem to figure that out. Why why is that that that he understands our perspective and cares? Why is it that it’s people who don’t who never seem to get it?” says Lem. “ That’s extremely disturbing to us. It’s it’s creepy as hell there are some people from other countries who we think might be able to see our perspective but we we are not sure because we’ve had so many bad experiences thinking of this person’s middle class and caring and intelligent and fairly educated, they seem like a reasonable person. Let’s talk to them and see if they would understand our pain and know it’s like talking to a brick wall or or Jack Kennedy himself. It’s just absolutely impossible And that’s extreme if that’s extremely disturbing because we actually are in the moral authority position we actually are in the right.”
“They are.” says Osama Bin Laden.
“ OK where is that actually is really disturbing to me it is oh listen Osama bin Laden and I have very different views on things but I don’t like and I’m saying this from the future I don’t like the fact that we agree on this issue as an American hot as a New Yorker, I find that astronomically disturbing!” says Cyrus.
“ OK so basically she’s just not attracted to women and what she’s experiencing is something that looks like that other people technically apparently but it’s not a real attraction at all um, so it’s more actual just observation kind of like she’s watching a movie and everyone alive is a character and she’s just not really in the moment or even in the present it’s kind of like she’s just observing you all and it’s like this woman is hot and sexy. Wow OK and then that’s it.” says Lem.
“ oh, well, that’s a compliment. How do we treat her?” says one of those women.
“ like she’s aroused by you and you’re going to rape her or that she’s a man or him or that she’s ugly or that she’s somehow different you treat her like she’s different than you.
And then nine times out of 10 at this point in life she’s called you out and you get really pissy and intimidated and act like she’s a huge bitch and she’s running your day or you get really bitchy towards her and lose your shit and start acting really angry, and she has a psychic affect on pretty much every woman who is reasonably attractive who is alive There are older women who have been very beautiful who have not had that experience with her Jane Bergen was one of them before she died. Queen Elizabeth wasn’t like that with Lacey either and actually neither is Helena Bonham, Carter, but Helen is an unusual person to some degree yeah and so is Nicole Kidman him, but there are other women who are like them unfortunately, most of them are witches And they don’t have that experience with with Lacey either and I want to almost say that a lot of British British women are less are less up by bothered by her or are a lot nicer to her.” says Lem.
“ OK so it’s nothing spiritual in a way where we can fix this using witchcraft?” says Don.
“ not easily. It’ll be hard to figure out what it is. Unfortunately someone has to on their shit and stop placating themselves and throwing the responsibility for their sin on someone else. There’s nothing she can do you guys are treated her like shit if someone could grasp the concept and then take responsibility for it and be guilty for just like five seconds that would be really helpful.” says Lem.
“YEAH!” says a reader.
“ so she is like how close to dying from air hunger?” says a witch.
“ if she had consistent air hunger for about a half an hour which would be absolute torture him she would die. If it was very consistent she’s had it for that long but then she is always manages to take a deep breath. Sometimes she’s had to pray sometimes she’s had to literally almost fight physically and I am God so I have the ultimate say, but if someone tortured her to death basically through incredible romance, demonic torture for about a half an hour she would die. I know she’s a little more on the edge than most people in that way, all the time her lungs were damaged by Covid and then when she fell down the stairs, there was an injury that doctors have not been able to discover because I’ve not looked that closely and she’s been weakened by that her thyroid has been half dead for over a decade she’s anemic and she’s been praying to die and yes you all did that her that is your responsibility and if you don’t want to deal with it now you will when your dad even if I’m very loving I don’t let people get away with things. That’s a bunch of Penecostal protestant bullshit that then became New Age. I never said that people get away with shit because of Jesus that’s not Jesus that’s not Christianity. that’s American protestant evil.
I’ve said you were forgiven and redeemed I’m not saying that you get away with stuff a lot of pastors today. Don’t understand that and it’s been dangerous but they’ve been preaching for decades at this point. Because they’ve been telling people oh no, once saved always saved and then when you die, it just all goes away and nothing will happen. You get carte blanche to do whatever you want to some degree because if there’s a blank slate through Jesus, it just disappears. It’s like it never happened Clean a snow, freshly driven snow and that’s not true that’s bullshit that’s not how forgiveness works. There are a lot of Christians who don’t understand the concept of evil anymore. There are a lot of Christians who have misunderstood my love.
I let them go too far because it was the better option about 20 or 30 years ago. A lot of pastors started preaching this a message of almost amnesia of like spiritual amnesia where it’s like. No just do whatever you want. Just make sure you ask God to forgive you is not what they said it’s not Catholic like that there’s no accountability Because they don’t keep talking about said they talk about it in the constant context of sexual purity or salvation. Usually they rarely bring up sin without discussing sex or salvation. It people were protestant for the last 20 to 30 years having ignored, sent as a concept for the most part and it’s mostly just don’t sleep with people outside of marriage don’t use porn and and and I get saved and then you’re good to go and get the rest of the sin is bad don’t do it but God forgives you a guy forgives you and I do but it’s not really Christianity. It’s you know the words we can be using the right words, but if we say them with the wrong spiritual intent, they’re dangerous.
So, unfortunately, there are some people like Cyrus, who may have heard the gospel and internalized it in a different way than some people who are in church, and if he actually made a deal with me and his heart and side listen, I don’t know if your God, but if you are, please forgive me I’d like to go to heaven And I hear him talking to me through Jesus every couple days every day or so feeling guilty in his spirit, and apologizing, he could actually be closer to heaven than some people who are protestant evangelicals and charismatic churches.
And there are Catholics who know that theologically the current pope and I don’t agree I’m God saying this if you want a question that I welcome you too I’m not afraid of you. I’m God.
Listen, you need to figure out in the Bible what I actually say about homosexuality him and what I say about a lot of these current issues pedophilia is never allowed. That is one of the worst things a person can be or do. You’re better off dead than harming a child and that way you were better off literally dead and I’m saying this is God don’t take this out on Lacey or you’ll regret it. I am saying this as God. you are better off debt than acting on pedophilia you’d be better off dead. There are some people who I can use because they’re not all evil, but this is where it’s complicated they would be better off for their own sake dead that is one of the most egregious mortal sins that anyone can commit. But there are some people who I could still use to protect the same children from worst pedophile pedophiles that I could use some of these people to be helpful, but it is literally one of the worst things that you can possibly do in the fallen world.
So here’s the problem that really should scare you listen to offend you. It should be common sense but part of how we’ve gotten here or people don’t know that anymore is unfortunately, because Christians have over emphasized my loving nature to the point of evil. Because it’s not their love it’s my love I’m God I’m not a human.
So I can help redeem you and forgive you, but you’re not just excused from sin like a hall pass. And I do expect you to stay in repentance. How do you think you reject me? How do you reject me by rejecting me. So if you’re rejecting my mercy and my grace and my forgiveness, then you’re rejecting me. And it’s complicated. There are some people who are rejecting me for reasons that are kind of convoluted and I’m God and I can see their heart but then there are other people who are really rejecting me and choosing to send and then it’s a question of why are they sending what’s going on And it’s complicated in the Catholic Church has tried for centuries to nail it down with venial sins mortal sins what is San? How do you ask for forgiveness? What is forgiveness even trying to explain it to themselves and everyone else for centuries.
They don’t have the full explanation they don’t completely understand. That being said, they have an idea of it that protestants unfortunately don’t have as often anymore. I’m sorry, but a lot of prime saying I’m sorry in the colloquial way. I’m not actually sorry I’m God, but a lot of protestants these days I don’t understand that you can’t get away with stuff and I can forgive you I will bring about a full you know recovery a full redemption if you ask for it but you don’t avoid all of reality that way it’s not like it just disappears. So if you hurt somebody, they don’t have to forget about it just because I forgiven you.
They don’t have to do that! that’s evil! You are not entitled to their good opinion of you, just because you want it and you’re Christian. They have to forgive you, but forgiving someone is different than not being hurt by them anymore. So if they don’t wanna like you, they don’t have to that’s not unforgiveness that’s a lie! and lying is evil!
A lot of protestants unfortunately don’t understand this anymore and it’s incredibly dangerous!
So no yeah you have to forgive people but that’s forgiveness that’s all that’s a concept cognitively that has been defiled by narcissistic people who don’t like the concept that they can be forgiven, but then they can’t get away with stuff. So they’ve converted grace and the Bible to make it something that it’s not.” says God.
“ that’s my God! If I’m a Christian at all that’s the one that I worship!” says Cyrus.
His boyfriend or husband laughs.
“ he seems tough.” says a lesbian.
“ you know yeah but not really because he’s completely fair. He’s not an idiot he’s not gonna let you get away with stuff or you won’t let me get away with things either I mean when I hear that to me, it sounds like a very loving God, who actually cares.” says Cyrus.
“ and I am a very loving God who actually does care. Yes, that’s my nature.” says God.
“ OK so that’s extremely disturbing. I’m just still trying to process what you were saying lame about the fact that she finds people attractive?” says Don.
“ no, you’re confused you’re getting your confession you’re getting confused there’s a difference between evaluating someone objectively, which is what she’s doing versus actually being attracted to them that’s not what she’s doing that’s not who she is.” says God.
“ I don’t think most people alive are that loving or objective I think when we look at people we feel insecure and we automatically start comparing ourselves in a way that’s toxic not just objective so it’s hard for us to believe that she’s that good of a person, and that we were just that fucked up that we didn’t understand that that wasn’t homosexuality. That was just her being objective.” says Don Lemon if there’s an Illuminati.
“ do you know to be honest I feel like I know that though I can tell she’s straight in part of it is for better or worse because I am not completely male and a part of me is slightly female, and that part of me likes man and that part of me that likes men identifies with her and Rachel Belter for some reason no I do the part of me that is somewhat feminine for whatever reason relates to them and I can read her and Rachel both is liking men because it’s the same way that I do which scares me because why don’t you guys understand that like why why can’t you guys except that we like men why have you made our upper class strong sincere, fat, sincere feminist, non-toxic feminist, deep sad liberated, I was gonna say womanhood why did you turn that into lesbianism it’s not it’s really not like what happened. Why did you do that to us? When did that happen? I want to know!” yells Cyrus.
“ honestly that might that might have been a thing for a while, but I’m gonna tell you the truth. If there’s no illuminati Cyrus that started when we started attacking Lacey about 10 years ago there were a lot of people who couldn’t handle her, and I started thinking she was a lesbian.” says Kim Kardashian.
He nods. “ yeah, I know she’s not a lesbian and I like man I think maybe we were just a little better bread than a lot of you who are new money and name their children Apple. I’m not being hateful I’m being blunt!” he says.
“ no I’m not actually necessarily offended by that anymore because I realize to people like you and Lacey that it’s not really an insult it’s more or less just a harsh reality and then either if you really want me to be less than you you’re just dealing with the reality of how things actually are so you’re not like trying to be offensive I hear you and that’s why I told you because I think it is actually a class attack on upper class somewhat probably so much generationally, gifted people who or people who are even part of that culture somehow I feel like somehow you have some thing in your background and so it’s people like you and her and Rachel Belter apparently who another woman to possibly who have some money in their family who are raised a certain way in your generation you’re not that old but you’re not so young that you’re different than her, so oh you guys think alike and no, we couldn’t handle that. We couldn’t handle that the illuminati about 10 years ago if this is a real conversation and so we decided to start turning that into something it wasn’t because it was so offensive to our egos.” confesses Kim Kardashian.
Later.
“What spirits are they using to try to suffocate her?” asks a witch.
“Demons of hatred. JFK’s residual energy. Mostly those two so far. …Hatred is especially prominent.” says a Heavenly angel.
“A spirit of anxiety is also working with the spirit of hatred.” says God.
Later.
“Lacey’s not attracted to women. Seriously. Let’s stop being dumb. Okay?” says Cyrus. “Let’s…
He’s yelled over.
“I REFUSE!!!” yells a white, angry MAGA Bro.
“Why does she find us so fascinating and gross!?” says a lesbian. “Unless she’s secretly one of us!?!”
Cyrus snickers.
“It’s not hateful. …It just genuinely grosses me out.” says Lacey.
“That’s NOT ALLOWED!!!” yells a hardcore woke activist in the Illuminati. “GROSS!? …I DO NOT THINK SO!”
“What you do sexually is gross to HER. She can’t help that.” says God.
“My boyfriend and I can’t either.” says Cyrus. “What’s wrong with you people!?”
“No!! Because…that’s gotta be…repressed lesbian! I’m NOT less feminine than her!!” says a femme lesbian (closeted) hater of Lacey’s.
“Yeah. She’s so into swords? Umm…THAT IS LESBIAN! I KNOW! …People have dress, manners and speech that automatically makes them what they are.” says a lesbian femme.
“It’s the other way around!” says a gay man. “People can fake all that!”
“Ahh…not often!” she says, very indignantly.
“Actually…that’s dumb. What you’re saying is dumb. People often fake shit. …You’re vastly oversimplifying something you only barely understand to sound like an expert on Tik Toc.” says Cyrus.
“I kinda think he’s right.” says a middle class American.
She looks very upset. Silently seething.
“So…Lacey is NOT attracted to you. Or any woman. AT ALL. …You’re…like a bunch of stupid-ass female incels.” says a Trump supporter.
“But she has masculine energy!” says a lesbian.
“Umm…like what?!” says Cyrus. “Because I don’t sense any.”
“Ahh…she’s-“ she cuts off.
“LOGICAL!” says Cyrus.
“I mean…okay. Way to play into her blatant narcissism!” she says, indignantly.
“Ahh…no. That’s not narcissism. She’s incredibly logical.” he says.
“Whatever. I call it as I see it!” she says, feeling like a badass.
“Wow! You’re a huge narcissistic bitch!?” says Cyrus.
“No.” she says quietly, hurt.
“Okay. …Because I’m telling you…she’s just an exceptionally intelligent person. …SHE’S JUST UNUSUALLY GIFTED. …She’s just abnormally logical.” says Cyrus.
“But logic…IS masculine.” she says.
“No. Not REALLY.” he says. “It is…in a misogynistic way. And…also…not. Okay? It’s very complex. …But…straight women who are exceptionally intelligent…exist. Who are calm and rational. …She’s also a ditz. …Are you?”
She thinks. “No. I ain’t no ditz!” she says, laughing.
“Mmkay…she is. …Have you ever watched Auntie Mame?” he says.
“No.” she says.
“Straight women can be that logical. But…I think you’re already misunderstanding her. …Which is why I referred to Auntie Mame.” says Cyrus.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” she says, annoyed and feeling entitled.
“Too bad. …It’s a good movie.” he says.
“What do you watch?” asks the CIA.
“Ahh…anime. …Power Rangers. …The L Word.” she says.
“Do you consider yourself sophisticated?” asks Cyrus.
“Yes.” she says.
“Why?” she says.
“I read! A LOT! …Ahh…Emily Henry. Taylor Jenkins Reid.” she says.
“What about…Hemingway?” says Cyrus.
“Not really. …Not other than The Old Man And The Sea.” she says.
“What about Henry James!?!” he says.
“NO! Who the fuck is he!? Some old fucking white guy? …Some dumbass British President?” she says. “‘Would you like a spot of tea?!’” she says, mockingly. She cackles. “Nah…I’m good. THANK YOU!”
“We’re fucked.” says Caroline Kennedy about her family legacy.
Later.
“What don’t you understand about this woman:
she’s not giving gay. She’s giving…
Ahhh…church going…sex idol…but not sex idol because she has too much self-respect and/or it’s not her thing…ahh…warrior…straight…ultra-feminine…Red Cross volunteer.” says Don Lemon.
Awkward silence.
“That’s not a lesbian. That’s not even bisexual.” says Don Lemon. “Are we really this backward!??”
Awkward silence.
“I’m not…hating on Casi…but…she’s backward. …What did the Illuminati do!?” Cyrus says.
“We used Casi’s energy like Jesus.” says Chris Hayes. “If there’s an Illuminati. …Diego thought…she was…an ascended master. …That’s what he told us. …He was…rarely wrong. Everyone trusted him. …So…we depended on him. And…he felt…she deserved the role of Jesus to us all. …In our spirits. …Like a sort of…guardian spirit.”
“So what exactly do you have us all doing? In relation to her?” asks Cyrus.
“Ahh…following her. …Like she’s Jesus.” says Chris.
“HOW!?” says Cyrus.
“Ahh…we built a shrine to her. And an alter. And sacrificed an effigy of Lacey and her whole family to Casi like she was an ancient deity.” says Chris. He shrugs.
Cyrus laughs, loud. Freezes with his mouth open. Starring.
“Yeah. …So…we did that…to rid ourselves of Lacey’s false light. …And her lies.” explains a female New Age woman in the Illuminati.
Cyrus nods. Calms himself. Takes a deep breath. “So…this was all Diego’s idea?”
“Yes.” says Kate Shaw.
“Mmm.
So…what exactly did he feel…presented as evidence of Casi’s ascendent spiritual development?” says Cyrus.
Chris gets defensive. “I mean…this was a long time ago!” he says.
“Yeah.
Ahh…he was…impressed by her people skills. He thought she seemed authentic and genuine.” says Kate.
The CIA smirks.
“No! He really did!” says Chris.
“I doubt it. She’s…not at all an authentic person. Not…really. …She’s crass and blatant and unfiltered. And…southern.” says the CIA. “But…she’s also very manipulative.”
“I do lie.” says Casi herself. “To get what I want.”
Chris rolls his eyes.
“Chris…Diego was using you.” says the CIA slowly.
“He wasn’t like that!” says Chris.
“TRUE! Doesn’t mean he wasn’t using you, in this case.” says the CIA.
Chris pouts and cries. “HE WAS NOT…A JERK!”
“Chris…he wanted to end the world!” says Tsar Putin.
Chris shrugs. “FINE!” he says, rubbing his face.
“Right.
So…what do you all have us doing?” says Cyrus.
“We’re…living in her image. …To glorify her evil. …So…it’s a…anti-Christian thing. But also…not. …Essentially we’re putting her in the place of Christ. Using our Illuminati witchcraft.” says Chris.
“What happens if she dies?” says a man.
“Not much. …We believe generally in an afterlife. So…not much. …We’d just rely on her energy.” says Chris.
“So our tastes, our moods, our thinking…is ALL heavily guided and influenced by HER!?” says a woman reading.
“Yes.” says George Soros. “We trusted Diego implicitly. He was…a huge light. For years.”
“But…she seems…self-destructive.” says a reader.
“She is. …We heard Lacey say that. Years ago. And she even made an Instagram post about it herself…but…we had assumed Lacey was a lesbian who was secretly in love with her. By then. …And…turns out she wasn’t. …But…it made sense at the time.” says George Soros. “So…we had a conspiracy that she hated herself from years of abuse from Lacey.”
“LACEY NEVER TALKED TO HER!!” yells the CIA.
“Yeah. So…you all knew that. But…we relied on our instincts.” says DNC leader. “And our instincts told us to trust Diego. And trust…our…instincts.”
“Huh.” says Don Lemon. “So…she’s just that objective?!!”
“YES!!” says Lem.
“What are Casi’s traits?” says a witch.
“Ahhh…
- Sassy
- Edgy
- She’s kind of…possibly perverted…
- She’s into ketamine or…Vicodin…or something
- She’s into perfume
- She’s bisexual
- She’s closeted but not
- She’s a Christian but also a witch?
- She’s…well…I’m scared to describe more.” says an FBI agent.
“WHY!?” says Caroline.
“Did you think Lacey was actually in love with her!??!” says a witch.
“Yes. …Or somehow narcissistic in relation to her. Or…Casi was a victim like Satan is?” says a Satanist.
“And Lacey’s completely straight!” says Cyrus. “So…does Lacey hate her?”
“No. She’s…just…not…
She’s…
Well…” says a DNC official.
“Yeah. She’s almost indifferent? Or…unimpressed. Or…something.” says Cyrus.
“YES.” says a Black Rock member.
“Huh. So…has this…worship of Casi…destroyed feminism?” asks Cyrus.
Silence.
“Because is Casi even a real feminist?” says Cyrus.
Awkward silence.
“They didn’t realize how much an authentic feminist Lacey is. They assumed based on Diego’s…information…that…she was…extremely repressed.” says Helena Bonham Carter. “He used those words, ‘Lacey needs to be set free. She needs to be released into the wild. …We need to harness the energy she refuses to use…to give her more insight into her own existence.’”
A witch opens her mouth in awe.
“So…he wanted to end the world?” she says.
“Apparently. We didn’t know that.” says Bobby Kennedy Junior.
“so Lacey is indifferent to Casi? But you have all living in imitation of her…to do what!?” says a reader.
“To…make Lacey surrender to love. …Diego felt Lacey needed to…open her cold, rigid mind…that he claimed was…secretly warm and…bubbling with…woman-love…to…shun the cold. And heal the Earth.” says a New Age healer.
“So…he wanted to end the world?!!” says man.
“APPARENTLY.” says Bobby.
“We didn’t know. Ahh…” says John Krasinski. He shrugs.
“So Lacey doesn’t hate Casi?” says a reader.
“No!
She’s…just…not a fan.” says Dr. Moritz. “And I think you’re all extremely offensive by insisting she’s anything but heterosexual.”
“I agree. It’s perverted. It’s fake love. Fake enlightenment.” says Cyrus.
“So you have her pleading with God…to die?!?” says a reader. “In a way none of you bargained for!?”
“Yes. That’s correct.” says George Soros.
“Why did you do this to me!? At first it was cool…because I found a husband. And got so much. …All of a sudden. …But…you stole her blessings and grace for her…awful life…to do that. Satanically.” says Casi.
“That was JFK’s idea.” says Satan.
“But…I’ve had some serious problems. And…I didn’t ask for any of this. …Why did you do this to me!??” she says to a possible Illuminati.
“Because according to Diego you are a ‘cherished one.’ …And we wanted to celebrate you.” says a New Age woman in the Illuminati.
“Based on what!?” says Casi.
“Well…Diego found it extremely offensive that Lacey thought she had any sort of chance with me. …Because I’m ‘a worker’ and she’s a ‘leech.’ As he explained it. …And you hated her. And…he taught us…to…learn from you.” says Chris.
“You seriously think I’m that…enlightened!?” says Casi.
“He felt you were conquering Lacey. And…some us felt that too. …You kept posting about conquering people. And so…we…wanted to aid you in conquering her. And ride on your coattails.” says the Illuminati.
“NOT US!!” says King Charles III. “At least not for long.”
“I’m not actually okay with it either.” says Casi.
“We didn’t anticipate you saying that.” explains an Illuminati witch, crying.
“What did you think I’d say!?” says Casi.
“Ahh…that you felt…loved. And…honored.” says Margaret Atwood. “I’m sorry. A lot of us bought the crap.”
“I don’t.” says Casi.
Later.
“Lacey. You literally look like Nefertiti. …And I’m convinced…that if there’s reincarnation…you’re related.” says a woman.
“YES!!” yells Lem, like people are slow.
President Donald Trump laughs. “This is why my children have used drugs.” he says.
“Dad!” says Donald Trump Junior.
“No! Really!” says Donald Trump. “I tell them not to do things. …But then…something happens that makes me look stupid. …And I’m not. But they get scared. And…they drink too much. Or they try weed. …Because…I seem like a chump. As much as they honor me…thru start looking for the feeling my fatherly love for them gives them. A feeling of safety? …And so…I’m prepared. Lem I’m fully prepared for you to actually be Emperor Constantine.”
“I know you are.” says Lem.
“WOW!” says Elon Musk. “So…if you and Lacey are Scotia and Constantine…what does it feel like being…somewhat ‘normal’ people?”
“I’ll answer. Because I’m not sure there is reincarnation. And I’m not feeling safe letting him answer.” says Lacey. “I think if that’s what this is…it’s surreal.”
“How?” says Donald Trump Junior.
“If I’m Scotia…I became too powerless. In this life. …And it got weird. Even as a kid. …It just felt…off.” says Lacey.
“Off how!?!?” says a living bisexual/gay man.
“Like…it wasn’t real. Like it wasn’t real. Which is either just trauma. …Or…well…it depends on what it says in the Bible.” says Lacey.
“So you literally felt you had a bizarre lack of authority?!” says a reader.
“Yes. …Which might not even be reincarnation. But…” says Lacey.
“Did you know Luigi was gay?” says the CIA to Lacey.
“I think he’s bisexual.” says Lacey.
“He might be.” says the CIA.
“I’ve always suspected…he might be bisexual. I think.” says Lacey.
“And you’ve always read Lem as gay!?” says a living bisexual man.
“YES.” says Lacey.
“Lem…how…did you…as a straight man…DECIDE YOU WERE GAY!??!” he says.
“You’re lower middle class? Or what!? Middle class?!” says Lem.
“Middle class.” he says.
“But your family wasn’t rich? Or your family didn’t have generational wealth?” says Lem.
“No!” he says. “We’re very middle class.”
Lem collects his thoughts. “My family…was…old money. And…they sent me to Choate. Because it was expected. …And in our social circles…being gay wasn’t accepted…HOWEVER…it wasn’t shunned. Not really. It was…kept quiet. You didn’t talk about it. You just didn’t talk about it. …But there were many homosexuals. Think of Eleanor Roosevelt! …You were allowed homosexual lovers. You were allowed a homosexual life. Even a homosexual identity. As long as you kept it quiet. …As long as you accepted that you’d be viewed as…pitiful. …So…you weren’t shunned. Just…pitied.” says Lem. “And…I had a very strong sense of honor. And when I was molested…I got confused.”
“So you hadn’t had any experience with women!?” he says.
“I had had very little. …And…that didn’t matter to me. …I felt that there was no such thing as bisexuality really. Just…homosexuality. And just homosexuality to varying degrees. So…I classified myself as gay. And left it at that.” says Lem.
He sighs. “How often have you had to explain yourself?”
“Over the last few years?” says Lem.
“Yeah.” he says.
“Dozens?” says Lem.
“Yah. Don’t ask!” says a woman reading this from her car. She sleeps in her trunk but enjoys reading this blog.
“Can you guarantee you were genuinely straight and not bisexual?” he says.
“Yes!” says Lem.
“See…I just have a hard time imagining you could exist. …As a historical figure. …But…this actually makes more sense than what’s been written. …Because I can never figure out…why you put up with him!? …It seems weird.” he says. “But no. This makes sense!”
Silence.
“So…how badly have you and Lacey been treated by the LGBTQ community?” he says.
“BAD!!” says Dylan. “It’s been BAD! …Two years ago…when I was at my peak…I…hears her struggle for hours…to hear him. Just ONE WORD. …She would stay up until 4 AM listening. In her spirit. For one word answers. And…the desperation I sensed from both of them…was…palpable. …Our community has been weaponized and used against them both. …FOR DECADES. …We didn’t help Lem! …WE DID NOT. We…are…not their friends. Not traditionally.”
“I like Lacey!” says Cyrus. “From the afterlife! I genuinely really like her!”
“What do you think we should do about gay marriage?” Donald Trump asks him.
“Ahhh…
*he thinks*
What’s the worst that could happen?” he says. “In every case?”
“That’s a GOOD ANSWER!” says Donald Trump.
Elon Musk thinks. “Yeah.” he says.
“Because you’ll never get things back to this. Regardless. This place we’re at…will never be returned to. And I’m saying that from every vantage point. Consider all the possibilities. And be…wise.” he says. “The trust…will never come back.”
“Yeah!” says Donald Trump.
“Anyway…I genuinely like her!” says Cyrus. “But…she’s…got similar tastes. …We both love love Estée Lauder. …And that’s not actually as common in anyone under 45 as you think. In 2025.
We both…like Audrey Hepburn.
Ahh…how many of the gays who are SO SURE Lem was gay…are from a lower to middle class background?”
“80%.” says God.
Cyrus looks stunned. And disturbed.
“Among people who are old money…how much more likely is it that…we’ll be able to tell that…her seeming story from his ghost…is…more credible than what’s been said?” says Cyrus.
“You’re 80% more likely. It’s about 80%.” says John Nash.
“What would you have thought!?” says Cyrus.
“I’d have thought about it. …And then done the math! …And then…I’d have realized the statistical probability that she’d be able to get so many things right about his personality. …And…the statistical probability that she’d be able to ‘imagine’ the inside of his apartment. To a perfect ‘imagination’. …She’s seen the inside of his apartment! I could tell she isn’t lying! …And I’d have KNOWN…that it was HIGHLY UNLIKELY…anyone could do that all without a spiritual intervention. …Because the type of mental illness I had…doesn’t produce real insight of that sort. …I did talk to spirits. Schizophrenics often do! But…I also hallucinated. …And even when we talk to spirits…we don’t…‘visit’ buildings we’ve never been to…
So…I’d have done the math…and realized…that…something WEIRD was happening. *he laughs* And…I’d have seriously wondered if he was straight. ALSO…the fact that she picks up on EVERYONE’S REAL ORIENTATION…is mathematically unlikely…unless she’s got something figured out. Or she’s supernaturally being given answers. …But she claims to be able to tell. And…I’m smart enough to be that…aware myself. So…I might believe her. Because I’m like that too. …And…that alone…would nearly convince me she was telling us the truth. …COMBINED with his supposed ghost…I’d be sold. …So I’d be almost entirely convinced he was straight.” says John Nash.
Cyrus looks disturbed.
“I feel pretty safe with that myself.” he says. “So…I’m thinking the community has a HUGE problem. …We shot ourselves in the face.”
“HOW!?” says a gay man.
“She’s…really suffered. …I mean she almost died falling. …We…really did it. Okay!!?” says Cyrus.
“So…do our marriages get taken away!?” says a Millennial.
“Can’t say.
But…I’m stunned as to why none of you CARED! …Why couldn’t you let them be…together? WHY!?” he says.
“Because it just seemed so unlikely!” says a gay DNC official.
Cyrus blinks. “HUH!??” he says.
“Caroline and Bobby…and several other Kennedys…assured us…that it was IMPOSSIBLE…Lem was straight. And almost impossible he was bisexual.” says the DNC. “And regardless that he was…JFK’s twin flame. 2000% guaranteed!”
Cyrus laughs. “Aww!” he says. “WOW! …So you all really believed that!??”
“Yes. I mean…they knew him personally!” says the DNC.
Cyrus erupts in cackling. He claps his hands. Stomps his feet. And then clasps his hands over his mouth dramatically. Raises his eyebrows.
“I…don’t think…their personal testimony…is helpful.” says Cyrus.
“Why?” says the DNC, seemingly genuinely confused.
His mouth drops open. Eyebrows raise.
“ARE YOU SERIOUS!??” he says loudly.
Silence.
He is reminded of the statistics again.
A moment later.
“So…they were kids. …You do understand what that means?” he says. “Right?!”
The DNC blinks.
“Huh. …So you’re all so woke…that you’ve lost track of what it actually means to be a child?” he says.
Awkward silence.
“Yeah. You’ve been selling kids. …So you literally lost touch with reality. Because you had to justify that. By making children psychologically more adult-like than they are. And…in this discussion…years ago…you gave the Kennedys who are alive…WAY TOO MUCH awareness in your estimation. And Ethel…is…not reliable. I’m sorry.
So…
Neither is Joan. To be honest.
So…
You put all your eggs…in one basket. …You risked everything…based on an overestimated sense of accuracy. …And so…CLEARLY…selling kids is our downfall. It’s our…Achilles Heel. As a country. …But now what!? …Because Elon Musk is running American alongside Trump. …And he’s a Nazi.
He’s a nice man. But…he’s a Nazi.
And you flushed the media down the toilet. When you let Diego tell you to make Casi…JESUS.
…What I want to know…is what got our country so far gone…that by the mid 1980’s…some coked-up businessmen decided selling kids was a really good idea.” says Cyrus.
Silence.
“What brought us there!?
We were SO RICH! …And then you had to start…hiding it…by selling kids.” says Cyrus.
Silence.
“WHAT…HAPPENED!?” says Cyrus.
Keen to Cross the Pond 
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