“NOT FAIR”

“SHE SHOULD APOLOGIZE!!” yells the roommate from college.

“For what!?” says the CIA.

The roommate shakes her head in disgust.

“Sweetie…she didn’t post that to offend you!” says a dead woman.

“But it’s offensive!!” says Casi.

“You know if this is where you guys suck shit and you need to stop thinking you know fucking everything!” says Mark Pryce in the future.

“Do we snub you?” says Tom Hanks to Lacey.

“No because I’m a Jewish doctor and I’m very successful and she comes from a nice family and we’re very quiet people. We’ve run into you a few times in New York at various different place and I’ve said hello to you because I knew you through something and you said, ‘Well hello!” and that’s about it but you’re not rude.” says Mark. 

“Do you consider yourself Hollywood elite?” says an actress.

“No and yes. Lacey is totally dissociated for that because Reta wasn’t her birth mother and she might’ve gotten that part wrong. Reta treated her like a daughter.  And she was really raised more by her aunt.  They are old money she’s not making that up. She’s not JFK.

I am and I’m not. But if I had met her, I would’ve gone to medical school. And so we have money and we go to New York and are interested in theater. Because I took acting very seriously. And I had a very significant character. So in a sense we consider ourselves part of the elite, but in a sense we don’t. We come from old buddies are her family and I’m a doctor but and I’m Jewish and that part is sort of perfect. I guess you could say. But then the acting part sort of and sort of not. My career as Skippy Handelman wassignificant but that’s pretty much all I did. So we take ourselves very seriously but we aren’t going to the Oscars. We’re going to operas we’re going to theater we’re going to see things that are brilliant, but we’re not hobnobbing with A List celebrities. Could we be friends with some A List celebrities? Possibly?” says Mark.

“Where did your oldest child go to college?” asks a reader.

“They actually chose to go to Cambridge.” says Mark.

“How old are they?” asks a reader.

“24.” says Mark.

“The show was not in the early 80s it was in the late 80s and early 90s. This is an alternate universe that you’re talking about so don’t don’t expect things to be exactly the same.” says someone.

“So how old are you?” says a woman.

“I am 60.” he says.

“OK.” says a woman.

“So you were a 20 year-old playing a 17-year-old or 16 year-old?” says a woman.

“Actually I was a 20 year old playing a 15 year old and then a she was a 16-year-old playing a 15 year old.” says “Skippy”.

“How do they do that?” says a woman.

“Well…I was only 20 and I was a pretty young looking 20 year old.” he says.

“Hey let’s just step back for a second though let’s do it let’s say that she stayed at UND and instead of going to Messiah College she called me and decided to ask me for help.” says Joel.

“Her parents were fighting that summer because her father had inherited $20,000 and instead of spending that money on his family, he gave the money to Cory his new friend to buy a car.” says Mark.

“Cory needed a new car!” says Jim.

“So let’s just say that she called me and I convinced her that we should stay at UND.” says Joel.

“David Lennoye would have an interested in her.” says Lem. “He was very into her.”

“But she would’ve been dating me. And he would’ve been incredibly upset about that, but he would’ve kept it to himself.” says Joel. “I would’ve convinced her to join that sorority and she would’ve spent a lot of time with me. She also would’ve probably become Catholic and she would’ve changed her major to art history. How would you have perceived her in a sorority as my girlfriend?”

“As a huge bitch.” says Laura.

“WHY!?” says Lem.

“Because she’s so sweet.” says Laura. “But…then she goes off and joins a sorority? And dates you.”

“Why does that alter her CHARACTER?” asks God.

Laura gets nervous.

“It doesn’t.” says God.

“I think I would just think, ‘How the hell was I ever friends with that person?’” says Laura.

“I arranged it!!” says a demon.

“The thing is, I liked being your roommate.” says Lacey, confused.

“I think if I was a Godlier person with more maturity, I would probably just think ‘Okay she’s someone who I don’t understand.’“ says Laura. “But as it stands, I would just be confused as to why I was supposed to have been her friend.” 

“Why are you taking it so fucking seriously!?” says a man.

“I take everything that seriously.” says Laura.

“But she’s just a roommate Laura your freshman year.” says Jean.

“Yes but I took that really seriously.” says Laura.

“OK so then I keep dating her and your baffled and then do you keep watching her or not?” says Joel.

“No.” says Laura. “And yes.”

“And part of the reason why you would is because I actually was that into her.” says David.

“Hey David, how much are you living in an alternate reality?” says the CIA.

“Oh, because you think I slept with Jessica Hansel get back at Lacey for dating Joel?” he says.

“Did you?” says the CIA.

“Yes.” he says. “It’s in my subconscious, but yes. It’s it’s sort of like I just him jealous, and I wanna be be better than her. But I think somehow I ended up living in that reality in my spirit. And I’m not entirely sure how, but it kind of creeps me out. I am unusually intelligent and I am into computer engineering so I worry that I did something strange to my brain at some point that I’m not really aware of. I could’ve gone to MIT. I am exceptionally intelligent and so I’m not sure what I did to myself but I’m a little worried that I did something that I’m not quite aware of.

What was I thinking probably just that I somehow was getting back at her. And what I worry is that I was talking to Jack Kennedy. But how do they make myself psychic? I think it might’ve actually been through computers. Sometimes you have to think intuitively are, or sometimes things could happen to your brain and the hardwiring of your own brain. And I think Jack was talking to me, and telling me that I was living in like an alternate reality that doesn’t really exist, other than in the mind of God. So I cheated on her ruthlessly because I had it in my brain that somehow she deserved it.” says David.

“How did she ever cheat on you?” says Joel.

“She didn’t.” says David.

“No I just slept with her when you had a crush on her.” says Joel.

David looks furious.

“So what gives, David?” asks God.

“I’m mad!” he says.

“You weren’t even dating her!” says Reta Banks.

“We went on one date.” says David

“I don’t know if that qualifies as a date.” says Joel. 

“I mean to be fair she went on a date with him too.” says Sarah.

“Did you kiss her or hold her hand or anything sexual that was obvious at all?” says God.

“No. I briefly touched her hand.” he says.

“Was that you being sensitive?“ says God.

“Yes.” says David.

“You yelled at me when you did it because I was being too loud in the library.” says Lacey

“I didn’t yell. I told you to be quiet very harshly. Or I told you that you shouldn’t touch something that I was looking at or something.” he says.

“Because you were smarter than me and that was supposed to be sexy?” says Lacey.

“Yes!” says David.

“You know I was humoring you. I’m not sure you’re actually that much smarter than me.” says Lacey.

“So that wasn’t really exciting to you?” says David.

“I was offended and annoyed because I’m not that stupid and I couldn’t get into it and it was just kind of gross.” says Lacey. “But I knew it was sexual and I was flattered because I thought you were attractive and so I humored you.” 

“I practically made love to her after having a really embarrassing date with two of her friends in public. …That was obviously vastly superior. …And then I gave her my phone number and told her to call me in a very demanding authoritative way. But it wasn’t out of line. We’re almost married, but it just didn’t work out.

I’m not sure you’re really that much smarter than me. And to be honest, I’m kind of offended by you. What fucking right did you think you had to claim her!?” says Joel.

“I just thought we had something special.” says David.

“You never said that!” says Lacey.

“So you had no idea how I felt about you at all!?” he says, panicking.

“I had some very vague idea, but that’s about it.” says Lacey.

“I think you’re thinking she’s a man who’s in your head, so you’re not really interacting with her.” says Barack. “And that sort of thing could happen with some people, but she’s not that person.”

“I knew that she would never be someone who assume something like that. Sweetie, she’s a hot, curvy, sexy ditz, who almost joined a sorority, and I knew that intuitively. Those kinds of chicks are not really people or were not really people who you could assume things like that with. Do you understand women at all!?!?” says Joel.

“WHAT!?” says David.

“I’m not a bad guy. I would’ve been faithful. Lem is too. But we understand that you can’t expect her to be the man.” says Joel.

“She just seemed so aggressive!” he says.

“That is a joke!” says Joel. “Listen I genuinely believe that in a battle she’d be far more ferocious than most people. That’s just her father’s genetics in her and that is a very good thing. But when it comes down to it she’s really not aggressive at all.”

“So what would’ve happened if I would’ve grabbed her and kissed her?” says David.

“She would’ve been shocked!” says Joel.

“You’re not you’re supposed to know that, but you’re all too egotistical to except how much more beautiful she is than you.” says God.

“So were you trying to be like me?” says Joel.

“Yes.” admits David.

Joel nods. “How the fuck did you hear about that date?” 

“If I knew it was just gossip.” says David.

“She had absolutely no idea that anyone would be talking about her to that degree.” says Joel.

“So Joel how close did you actually come to making love?” asks Mr. Cologne 76.

“I had an erection. I had her in my arms. We were in a stairwell. Nobody was around. I had a condom, but we hadn’t started kissing yet.” says Joel. “If we had started kissing, it would’ve been very hard for me to stop myself from making love.” 

“So you guys have really good sexual chemistry?” says David.

“Yes, we have extraordinarily good sexual chemistry.” says Joel.

“If you worked at it with her, you could have good sexual chemistry with her too. But at the start, it’s not there.” says God to David.

“It felt like it was!” says David.

“It was! But that’s why you don’t lie about stuff like that David. You give her a hug or you give her a kiss on the cheek or you hold her hand.” says God.

“So why did you just hold her hand?” says Jess.

“Because I thought she was too poor!” says David. “I partially dated you, because I thought you were rich enough to be my girlfriend.” 

“How wealthy was your family David!? People made stuff up about you that was somewhat true but really her family is more legitimate Old Money than yours. They’re also wealthier. How wealthy was your family!?” says Joel.

“My father made about $100,000 a year in today’s money. And my father was the sole breadwinner for the first few years of my life. my mother made about $30,000. And so when I was older, they made a combined income in today’s money of about $130,000.” says David.

“That’s not at all impressive in her family that’s average!” says her cousin Katie.

“So her husband really is making $180,000!?” says David.

“Yeah and I’m making 155 at least!” says Joel. “My father was a millionaire David! He still is! He has a net worth about $6 or $7 million at least. I was never under the impression that I should assume she was poor! That’s a very foolish assumption, to make!!” says Joel. “ also, I actually am old money somewhat in a way that you’re not, and I understand what actually is money and what’s just pretension.

You seemed potentially legitimate, and you are somewhat, but you’re not actually as impressive as me. David, your family is very Liberal and that’s cute. I was very much a conservative. Because I was raised in a rich family. Your family might have money. Your family could be impressive, but I highly doubt they’re as wealthy as hers or mine. There are people who try to imitate us who are New Money who are actually fairly Liberal but then pretend not to be. But real old money people are often conservative in some way. Whether it’s some mindset or actual politics.  They are very rarely ultra Liberal. They often have some ultra Liberal stance on something.  But they don’t on most things or everything. 

You come from an old money, family somewhat. But you’re not coming from an old money, family the way that you pretended to necessarily.” says Joel.

“You know I may have even known that.” says David.

“Why don’t you like a woman who’s aroused and sexy looking in your lap?” says Joel.

David looks offended.

“Because it’s just not appropriate!” says JFK.

“Would you like to bend over and let Lem fuck you?” says God.

“This isn’t really JFK. He has ceased to exist.” says a demon. “I would like that! But not all the time!” 

“Why is that Jack!?” says Mark.

“Because I am a sensitive man! I don’t like that are to be shared too often! It’s very precious!” says JFK.

“You’re just bad at it aren’t you and you’re kind of uptight?” says a perfume collector.

He looks upset.

“I was less like that.” says Bobby.

“Why is your son trying to be a cheap whore?” says a perfume collector.

“Because he is evil and he’s too stupid to realize that straight men don’t actually want sex with men.” says Bobby.

“Is he trying to imitate Lacey?” says a perfume collector.

“Yes and no. She has lingerie that she has worn many times. She really is a ditz. So when she says stuff like you can’t wear lingerie all of the time, she means it literally. She is Jack’s polar opposite sexually. Or actually, she’s just superior. But anyway, she wears that sometimes under the right clothing for public. And Putin, when he slept with her months ago, caught her when she was wearing something. Her marriage with Mark her legal husband is dead, and that way and Putin was under the impression that Lem might be kind of a sick bastard. Or a jerk. And so he just grabbed her at an Illuminati meeting and that was that. And it was incredibly beautiful, but Lem was hurt, and Bobby felt guilty. And so he narcissistically processed that guilt and turned it into something very different than reality.

He is under the impression that Vladimir Putin is a sort of sex god. And he thinks that if he can just get a few minutes in with him edgewise that they could really have a special relationship. Because my son has the impression unfortunately, due to the bravado of myself and other men in my family that we are sexually superior like a sex god. And so he believes that if he could just send him the right pose or say the right couple of words that he might, you know, score a big and really have a special relationship. And he knows that Putin likes lingerie.

He knows that he likes Victoria’s Secret because that’s where Lacey’s lingerie was from. It’s lacey. And there’s something kind of Millennial about it. And Putin is in his 70s. So he’s thinking of Putin as like a 50 year old who is dating 20 year olds. But he doesn’t realize that Putin doesn’t want just the lingerie he wants the whole thing. 

Because my son is a clinical narcissist. With some delusional disorders. And so in his mind, he thinks that Lem was gay because it makes him feel guilty to think that Lem was straight. He has told people so many times Lem was gay. He’s hinted that Lem had a crush on him to numerous people over the years. And being closeted and somewhat bisexual he has not processed that Lem rejected him and was straight both. And so he’s invented a fake narrative to protect his very fragile ego. So in his mind, by choice, he genuinely thinks that Lem was gay. And he tells himself that Lem was in love with him in this way that is possible, but never happened for the two of them.

And he doesn’t have a clear sense of self.

And so he believes that at 70 something years old, almost he can somehow seduce a Russian president, who is basically a czar, with naked photos of himself and his aging body.

I am embarrassed for him as his father.

I would love nothing more than to kill him and put him out of his misery.

He has no idea how stupid he looks to people.

And it’s torture to me as his father, to watch him make a fool of himself.

Listen, it’s not that he is too fat. It’s not that he’s not buff enough. He’s just not a sexy woman. And because he’s going after actual straight men not men who are mostly straight, but actual straight men there’s no way he’ll ever be able to compete it’s impossible. See there’s a difference between men like Mark Price, who might slightly find men occasionally attractive on very rare occasions and men who are actually just straight 100%. Putin is one of those men Lem was too. Lacey is one of those women. There are people like that who are actually really just straight. That’s not a myth. That’s fact. There are a lot of men who are mostly straight, who pretend to be that who confuse people. There are a lot of gay men who walk around, thinking that gay men are everywhere because of men who are like Mark Pryce but don’t have his sense of honor. Mark looks like a straight man mostly. There are a few tiny things that look gay. I was mostly straight. But if you really look for it, you can tell that I am a slight bit homosexual. But people like me lied about it, and still do. So there are plenty of gay men who have a perverse sense of arrogance because they don’t realize that there are actual straight people who they really truly cannot seduce. And there are a lot of straight women who are also completely heterosexual like Lacey.

Here’s the thing I rarely found men attractive. And I didn’t need more opportunity. I just rarely found men attractive. So it wasn’t like I was going to find somebody on the street. I mean I technically maybe could have, but that would’ve been very rare. And then there are men who are more bisexual than I was. I’m more bisexual than Mark Pryce and there are men who are more bisexual than me. And then there are men who are mostly gay to varying degrees.

Those men who are mostly gay tend to lie about it nowadays.

A lot of these supposedly gay men who want lavender marriages are actually just bisexual.

My son Bobby is a little more bisexual than I am.

I have absolutely no idea what I am going to do with him. I’ve tried killing him. It hasn’t worked. I’ve tried subconsciously telling him that he shouldn’t do that to himself. But he believes that he’s being brave. He has a very childish sense of romance from lack of experience and narcissism.

He thinks that Vladimir Putin is Prince Charming. And he doesn’t actually understand that you have to interact with people. He got a crush on Lem when he was a kid and he got the wrong idea about things as people started dying in our family and by age 14 he had developed a full-blown crush on him.  He didn’t know what it was because he was a teenager and it was homosexuality but he thought that he should try to spend as much time with Lem as possible. And Lem couldn’t stand him. He really was trying to kill him. 

People saw it was happening, but it was too hard for them to accept and so they lied about it. They knew that Lem hated him, but they preferred to think of it as something sleazy and sexual on Lem’s part instead of homicidal and tragic. 

And so Bobby got the idea in his head that was a straight man rejects you he secretly is in love with you. he had a very awkward conversation with Vladimir Putin recently, where Vladimir Putin told him that he was ready to shoot him in the head. Because Vladimir is exhausted and he has to be careful with his text messages and he can’t really interact with people that easily right now. He got the phone number from Elon Musk. Donald Trump and Elon Musk are far too nice to my son. And it’s horrifying to me because I know part of the reason why is because of me. But I am not my son! And they don’t fully understand that.

So Elon musk trying to be a good sport gave Bobby Vladimir Putin‘s personal text number. He’s a very open-minded man. And I think in someway he was trying to be kind. and so Vladimir Putin has been woken-up from a very strict sleep schedule numerous times with Elon Musk’s cell phone number. Umm…I think it’s sort of like Putin has a special number just for him. So Bobby has been using Elon Musk’s number to send Vladimir Putin pictures of him wearing a thong from Victoria’s Secret. Bobby is a under the impression that Vladimir Putin likes these messages.

Vladimir Putin does not like them. At all.

He’s also aging, and on more than one occasion, he has made a mistake in a meeting because he’s so tired. And that was part of the reason why he wanted to kill my son.

I think Vladimir Putin tried to clear things up with Bobby by by outing himself on this blog and saying I did experiment once years ago, but it wasn’t for me I’m straight I didn’t like it. I don’t think Bobby could handle it.

Yes there are numerous women to probably empathize with Putin right now because they’ve gotten unwanted pictures themselves. The women in my generation would’ve seen it differently than the women today.

And that’s just the thing. Putin and Lacey are basically the same age almost. And so Bobby sometimes listens to Lacey to try to figure out how to seduce Putin. But he can’t quite grasp the nuances of everything. And so he doesn’t realize that just because Lacey wouldn’t get mad if she was given a dick pic as they call them from an ex-boyfriend women today would hate it and so do straight men. The women in my generation are not loose. They just aren’t as offended by it for very complex reasons.

And likewise, Putin, seeing Lacey in Victoria’s Secret, is not the same thing as him.

And likewise Putin, having a sense of humor about stuff with Lacey and travel, and the complications of things is not the same thing as him.

My wife was roped into a horrific situation slightly before Joe Biden lost the election. She’s senile and she’s not safe on her own. And Bobby has not been respectful of her. I am very angry.

And I trust Putin would never declare nuclear war over somethings silly but sometimes I know what it’s like to be sleep deprived and I worry that he could get close. I have no idea what to do other than just talk about it here.

I wish I wasn’t dead. The thing is, I would be dead now, regardless. I just I would like to think that if I lived a little bit longer, I would’ve given my kids more common sense, and they wouldn’t have been quite so messed up.

the main idea, though is that unfortunately, my son has a misunderstanding of homosexuality. Regardless of whether or not, it’s allowed in heaven, his understanding of homosexuality is that it’s something magical that you can just sort of create out of thin air with anybody. And that does come from Lem unfortunately being with our family.

And I love him, and I pray that he doesn’t go to Hell. He’s got a lot on his conscience. And only God knows his heart but I think sometimes he thinks unfortunately that it’s very politically savvy to be a Christian and I’m not sure how seriously he really takes it. I’m just praying that he actually takes it seriously.

So those are my prayer requests will say for now.” says Bobby Kennedy Senior.

“Laura I’m still trying to find out what exactly it is that you were thinking.” says a reader.

“I don’t think Lacey realizes how pretty she is.” says Laura.

“No, she doesn’t at all!” says Joel.

“And what does that have to do with David?” says God.

“I would have been angry about watching those two to this day.” says David.

“What makes you angry?” says Lem.

“The fact that you’re straight!” says David.

“And what does that mean?” says Lem.

“Let me think about it!” says David.

Later.

“So Lacey’s Lacey’s family is upper class Old Money. But…they’re the lower rung. Because they have trillions in oil. And that’s not celebrated enough by Wall Street. So…they have the prestige of being worth that much…but…not the psychological footprint. …Because the money is real. …The oil is OIL. It’s just not…recognized in the same way as some people’s fortune. …It’s actually more real. …But it’s not…recognized.

They’re marks of prestige are also very real. They’re just not Anglo enough marks of prestige. They’re Nordic.

They have millions. They’ve had millions for hundreds of years. Consistently.” says Black Rock.

“So there ain’t much we can do.” says David’s family.

“Nope!” says Mark Nesheim.

“Why did you attack her for a hypothetical?” says Laura.

“I take myself too seriously as a writer.” says David.

“You were holding her accountable for your insecurities.” says someone.

“David…how much did you like her?” says Mark.

“No.” says David.

“Not an answer.” says Mark.

“A lot.” says David.

“David…how good are you in bed?” asks a woman.

“Okay.” he says.

“I’m amazing.” says Joel.

“So…

Later.

Whatever.” says David. “It’s no big deal.”

Joel laughs.

“You really don’t get it.” says Joel. “She’s NOT YOUR’S! It’s just that simple. …It was never going to work out.”

“Why do we like David!?” says a Black woman to Lacey.

Lacey thinks.

“David…how would you propose? To me?” asks Lacey.

“A hot tub full of rose petals! …Or a bathtub. …With a puppy!” he says laughing.

“What does the ring look like?” says Lacey.

He looks serious. “An diamond solitaire. Pretty light.” he says.

“So what shape?” says Lacey.

“Brilliant.” he says.

“Mmm! White gold? Platinum?” says Lacey.

“White gold.” he says, getting annoyed.

“What’s so annoying?” says Lacey.

“He’s either really rich or poor.” says Laura.

“I’m rich!” says David.

“That means NOTHING!!” says Lacey. “What’s so annoying!?”

“NO! It’s supposed to mean something!” says Laura.

“I know. But men nowadays are…unique.” says Lacey.

“It’s 2 carats.” says David, arrogantly.

“Is it lab created?” says Lacey.

“No!” says David, suddenly offended.

“Where did you buy it!?” says Lacey.

He looks sad. “At Zales.” he admits.

“I’m sure that’s a nice ring.” says Lacey. “Why the puppy?”

“As our secret…happiness?” he says.

“I don’t know that dog. …All dogs have unique personalities. …I’d do my best to love that dog. …But I don’t know that dog. …And what’s a dog doing at such a sexual event?” says Lacey.

“He’s just…hanging out.” he says.

“Yikes.” says Lacey.

Silence.

“You don’t like that?” says David.

Silence.

“So…why Zales?” says Lacey.

David thinks. “It’s a good store!”

“Is it?” says Lacey.

“Yes!!!” says David.

“Why is it better than Kay?” says Lacey.

“Because I’m from North Dakota!” says David. “So to me it’s vastly more elegant!”

“Is this how you proposed to your wife?” asks Lacey.

He thinks. “No!” he says.

“Why did you like me?!” she says.

He thinks.

“I liked the thought of making love with you.” says David.

“How would you propose Mark?” says God.

“Probably sex in some hot exotic place like India and then I would just do something stereotypical and pull out a ring from somewhere near the bed and just put it on her finger after we were done.” says Mark.

“That would probably get a yes out of me very quickly!” says Lacey.

“The part that she misses is something that I have. No…there’s a part of Mark that she doesn’t quite speak to and then there’s a part of me that she misses that reminds her somewhat of David.” says Lem. 

“But you’re secretly with my uncle right!?” says Bobby Junior. “Oh never mind! I already know the answer is yes, of course!” 

“Bobby that’s not real!” says a psychic.

“No, I know it’s real. You can’t tell me otherwise.” says Bobby, suddenly trying to strangle Lacey.

“Bobby…you’re psychotic and delusional.” says a psychic.

“That’s not true I’m just being like Mary.” says Bobby.

“Go on!” says an actor.

“Oh no…it’s just that sometimes Mary used to say things like ‘Bobby I know you’re in love with me!’ and I used to just think she was crazy. Because I really didn’t feel in love with her, and I just wanted her marriage to end.  But now I know what she was feeling.  …And I know that what she was feeling was just an enormous sense of truth. 

I was just in denial! And you know sometimes when people have a part of their heart, that’s just really complicated it takes someone like Mary or myself to really understand it.” says Bobby.

“But then Bobby wouldn’t you still be in love with Mary?” says a man.

“Oh no because Lem is my twin flame and Mary was just a soulmate.“ he says with a huge smile.

“How do you see Lem as your twin flame?” says a psychic.

“Because he understood the part of my brain that sat in his apartment and got high on heroin and cocaine and had sex in the bathroom but really just wanted a hug nothing he ever gave me one, but a hug or ice cream or to just to go to the movies and hold hands and make out. Not…that any of that ever happened….but I’m just saying he understood that part of me. I know he did.” says Bobby.

“So then how is this- How do you know this about him?” says a psychic.

“Because one time he looked into my eyes and he smiled at me and it wasn’t really sexual, but it was a really big smile!” says Bobby.

“Bobby are you serious?” says a psychic.

“Yes, it was an unusually big smile!” says Bobby.

“But it could’ve just been that he was smiling.” says Jennifer.

“No he was not just smiling.

It was a huge smile.

We have been going for a walk. It was a sunny day in Manhattan in the early 1970s and I said, ‘Lem…I don’t think I need a coat today!’ And he said, ‘You know what Bobby you’re right!?’ And I said, ‘I don’t understand why anyone would wear a coat today!’ And he looked at me right in the eyes and smiled really big and started laughing.” says Bobby.

“Bobby, did you kill Mary?” says the CIA.

“Yeah. I misunderstood her.” says Bobby Jr.. “I mean she killed herself, but I definitely prompted the behavior.” 

“You know I think he was making a joke about heroin not in on some secret sexual joke with you.” says the CIA.

“You know I entertain that possibility, but it just makes me want to kill myself…and you’re reading that right now but I am not interested because I know today that he was really in love with me.” says Bobby.

“How do you know that today, Bobby?” says the CIA.

“Because I just have been thinking about it!” he says smiling.

“What came to you today?” says Marsie.

Bobby laughs. “I think he was making a joke about heroin in a way…but I really think that what he was trying to imply was that we had a special bond.”

“What was the bond over?” says the CIA

“HEROIN!” says Bobby grinning.

“You think he was in love with you over heroin!?” says the CIA.

“Look…I know it kills you!” says Bobby. “See…but it it also makes you feel really good.  And I think that was our way of sexually pleasuring each other.  And he just couldn’t give me enough pleasure!” he says flabbergasted.

“Did he try to kill you at times?” says the CIA.

“Yes at times he did try to kill me!” says Bobby. “Because I was like me! I mean he was like me.

So it’s like he was like me, and I was like Mary, and then Mary was herself, and I was just me.”

“So you think he wanted to kill you to pleasure you?” says Mr. Cologne 76.

“Yes, that’s exactly right!” says Bobby.

“So Bobby, you think he was trying to kill you to give you sexual pleasure through heroin?” says a woman.

“Yes!!” he says with a big grin.

“Has anyone in the Trump administration talked to you about doing this to people?

Who have sexual feelings for other men like you?” says Israel.

Bobby stares at them. Open mouthed.

“Well yes earlier today they were talking about it very vaguely. Because there are a lot of gay men that have this perspective apparently the reading it psychically.

I gave them the idea.

I gave them the idea!

Because see Lem was like me! 

And all he ever wanted to do was just make me feel really good!”

Later.

“So Bobby, how exactly is it that you imagine Lem caring about you?” says Lacey.

“Because the heroin was our woman.” says Bobby. “So he shot me up and then I shot him up later and sometimes he would shoot me up so much and I would start to almost pass out and a couple of times I came very close to death.

But he never let me think for a second that even if I died, that he would care that I was using heroin. He never let me believe that my heroin use was a problem to him. Matter of fact he encouraged it.  Because he understood me. 

And in the same way, I understood Mary and I encouraged her to drink.” says Bobby.

“But was that helpful to Mary?” says Mr. Cologne 76.

“ It depends on how you look at it. She liked being drunk. I didn’t like when she tried to punch me. I didn’t like when she drove in the car while she was drunk, I didn’t like when she told me to go to Hell and tried to cut my face off. And there are times when I wondered if we really were just going to end up divorced after all.

But I never, for once questioned whether or not, I had had sex with her. I always knew that it happened. And I kept that in mind. Like why is this woman here? Why is she threatening me?

Because we had sex.

And I always do that! I always try to keep that in mind when I’m with a woman and I know we’ve had that sort of relationship. Because it gives me perspective on where we are on an energy level.

I don’t just relate to them I categorize them. Like I give them categories, women that I’ve made out with women who I’ve slept with women who have slept with repeatedly.

And she was in the women who I’ve slept with repeatedly category with an Asterix, because we were married, obviously. And so I thought if I relate to her in this special magical way, because to me, sex is magical. I thought if you relate in the special way, it’ll calm her down.

And you know I really think sometimes it did. I would just keep thinking I had sex with you. It’s OK we’ve been vulnerable around each other you can yell at me right now. You can try to cut my face off Mary you can try to punch me in the face I’m not gonna let you do that. But I’m gonna let you enjoy the energy that remains between us in this moment.

And I am going to tell you that you are special.

Not as special as some people.

Not as special as me.

But you are going to tell me everything that you want to tell me and I’m going to remain in that energy. And I am going to let you get more drunk because I can’t handle the fact right now is that you’re not as special as you should be. Because there’s things wrong with you. And they’re glaringly obvious to me and really I would like to cut off your face.

I would like to cut off all of your body and burn you up!

Because you’re the girl you’re trying it.

If I were to do it, I would succeed and you’d be dead right now, and you’d be ashes.

But you’re trying it and that’s how we’re soulmates.

Because we want to kill each other and you think you’re perfect and I know I am and that’s OK. You think you’re perfect I know you’re not. And you can just cut off your face like you said you would if I didn’t love you enough. But that’s not gonna change the fact that your breasts aren’t as big as what I like.

And it’s not gonna change the fact that I wanted to sleep with a lot of people last month. And that you want a monogamous relationship and I can’t give you that. Because I’m a sex addict.

She never understood that I was a sex addict.

The rest of that is pretty ordinary in a marriage. But that part about you know her not really understanding? I think that’s where we fell apart. I’m a sex addict! I could never be faithful to anyone.

But see I think when I’ve heard and Lem and Lacey having sex that’s kind of like me having sex with lots of people too. It’s better sex than anything I’ve ever had to be honest. But I’ve had sex with a lot more people.  And I think it kind of evens out. 

So all I’m saying is that the sex that he has with me in the future is better than anything.

Because we understand each other.” says Bobby.

“Are you drunk?” says the CIA.

“YES I AM!!” yells Bobby with odd pride.

“Hey…what’s your drinking?” says the CIA.

“It’s…vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka!” says Bobby.

“But what about Lem?” says the CIA.

“But that’s in the afterlife…and tonight I’m drinking from Mary!” says Bobby.

“What are you giving up for Lent?” asks a Catholic.

“CHEESE!” he says giggling.

“I don’t think you’re right about Lem sweetheart!” says a psychic.

“Well, I think I am! Actually I know I am! I am rarely ever wrong! I’ve got a killer mind!” says Bobby.

“So David, I don’t think that there was much of anything between us if I’m talking to you. I don’t think there was almost anything there at all which is sad because it really did seem like there was but I don’t think there was at all.” says Lacey. “I enjoyed you, but I’m not sure you even knew who I was almost at all.” 

“She is with Lem but I could have married her for real.” says Mark. “What exactly is it that you imagine she’s like in bed?

And it’s a very off topic in a way, it’s a very very risky thing to discuss. I’m sorry! But I’m gonna need you to talk to us about that. What was it you were imagining?”

“I was imagining that she would have sex with me like…in a really creative way.” says David.

“Like how?” says Mark.

“Like we would spew sitting on a bed in a dorm room, and she would just sort of brush my face with her hand. And then I would ask her why she was doing that. And then she would say I guess, ‘I just love you!’” says David, also drunk.

Mark tries not to laugh.

Lacey does laugh because she can’t help it.

“And then what?” says Mark.

“And then she would I guess…sort of fall apart.” he says.

Mark looks shocked then concerned.

“And then she would say to me ‘I knew you would love me eventually!’ And then I would say, ‘Someday you’ll understand what love really is!’  And I would think to myself about how profound I really am. And I would learn to love myself in a new way. 

And then, as I was inserting myself into her, I would feel incredible sexual pleasure. Because she’s really pretty. And she has really great eyes. And then I guess we would just have sex.

And it sounds simple. But that’s what I know we were capable of. Something meek, and yet incredibly profound.” says David.

“The only problem is David none of that is her personality at all!” says Mark.

“So she’s really that extravagantly beautiful?” says David.

“Yes, she is. She’s also got a really juicy ass and really really hot tits. And curves that will send you to another dimension.

I would’ve enjoyed that, but I didn’t get to. The thing is though David you’re not enjoying that. She is capable of being meek and profound but you’re not really appreciating her actual body.” says Mark.

“How much do you appreciate the feminine body?” asks Chris Dodds.

“I mean I appreciate it!” says David.

“But not really, though?” says Mark.

“ well, I don’t understand!” says David.

“ she was really sexy and she gave me a really good orgasms and my wife has been able to but it’s because of how much I love her and she’s had to work at giving them to me. Lacey could give me an orgasm and she was barely doing anything. She was just sitting there either with her shirt off or just sitting there. And she’d be touching me or giving me a blow job, but it really wasn’t effort for her and I don’t even think it meant almost anything. I think she was just trying to be nice. Because she’s that good looking and that smart. And I took it for granted, and dumped her and cheated on her. Because I knew that I wasn’t really feeling anything. I knew the emotions weren’t really there. And so I didn’t really experience the joy of the orgasm. I just experienced the orgasm and the joy of having an orgasm. But it was very superficial, and it was very one-sided, and it was very much just me being in my own head, feeling superior to her. I can almost guarantee you that that was probably 80 to 90% of a jack liked about Lem. I find that man repulsive. I find Jack Kennedy repulsive!

Because I am smart enough to do what he did I am unusually intelligent I have 140 something IQ. I went to Johns Hopkins. And I got from Lacey for about six months what he stole from them almost his entire fucking life. But then I had the dignity and the shrewdness, and the intelligence to walk away. And it broke her heart, but it didn’t steal her entire fucking life.

I was a scoundrel I was a terrible person, but I sure as hell was not as bad as him.

I might be bisexual. And I would invite you to be more honest about that.

Because listen, it’s not just about what people want you to like it’s about what you really like. I loved her body. It was very exciting to me. I could look at it and get election.  Just by looking at it for a few minutes. But I prefer my wife, 100%. And she’s not as curvy at all. 

What we like is for better or worse what we like and sometimes it can be something that we can partake in because it’s a consenting adult and sometimes it’s something that shouldn’t be done at all if people are pedophiles.

What do you really like? Do you like men or do you like women? Because I can guarantee you the sex scene you imagined is impossible with Lacey. There is no physical human possible way that she could ever fulfill that fantasy in 1 million trillion. My wife could but she’s my wife I’m sorry. 

What the hell is it that you were looking for??” says Chris Dodds.

“I was thinking that she was not who she is.” he says.

Casi sighs. “ I thought that we would probably make out. And then we would probably have sex. Not really in like a typical way, but pretty mundane.” says Casi.

“Hmm…that’s possible with her but not really how she does stuff.” says Chris.

“I was very mundane!” says JFK. “So that’s why I tried to be sophisticated and sleep with lots of women and have gay sex, and have sex in swimming pools and have sex on drugs and have sex over tables and have sex on airplanes and trains… I try to find places to do it that are unique.”

“I really think Lem was just trying to give me pleasure!” says Bobby.

“I don’t think he was!” says a gay activist.

“Well, you’re wrong!” says Bobby.

“Bobby how exactly do you imagine that a gay man wants to be killed to experience sexual pleasure?” says a Republican.

“It’s not like that! It’s not that they want to be killed! Rather…it’s that they want to fill the intense emotional satisfaction of an incredibly profoundly deep connection.” says Bobby.

“Like the one that he had with your uncle?” says a gay man.

“Yes, but far deeper than that!” says Bobby, laughing. 

“Bobby that’s not a way to connect with somebody!” says a psychic.

“ listen, you join the illuminati, you talk to the ghost that they channel and then you come back to me and you tell me that the afterlife isn’t sexual. It’s a thing! And I am positive that we’ve had a bond that has stretch back thousands of years in time just love and I together in a boat floating first it was on the Nile river and then it was on the Euphrates and then I see the boat floating on the Thames. And then I see us ascending to heaven and being put into our bodies where we meet. And that is where we gave each other pleasure through a needle made of steel. I looked into his eyes when he laughed, and he looked into mine, when I almost died three times in his apartment. He look at me open my eyes and say Bobby are you alive and that’s when I just gave up that’s when I just couldn’t keep saying anything anymore.

People try so hard to put me down and tell me what to do. But I refuse to be a party to my own murder. And I am going to kick ass and take names until the end of time if Jesus doesn’t know how to do anything. I know and it’s weird because I almost feel like I have a period. And then I’m just Lacey.

But don’t tell her that because she thinks that she exists that’s stupid bitch.

She thinks that that’s her fucking body it’s not it’s a Maroge from Hell.

The body is mine secretly.

I am sure as fuck, not going to fall for the shit.

You tell me socialist night, Joey?

You say you tell me that it’s not real?

I don’t think so!

I know.” says Bobby.

“ how much vodka have you had Bobby?” asks a woman in the UK.

“ have a bottle simple last three hours!” says Bobby cracking-up laughing.

“ are you going to send Putin some dirty texts?” says a woman.

“ already did it!” he says. He can barely stand up he’s laughing so hard.

“ what were you wearing?” says a woman.

“ look, I really am in love with Lem. don’t try to fool me! 

Why do you want to know?” he says.

“ because I have a feeling that he didn’t like it.” says a perfume collector.

“ how the fuck did you know that!?” he says.

“ because I just kinda know.” she says.

Bobby stares.

“ i’m so getting back to Lacey.

What is it exactly Umm… that you think would’ve happened Mark?” says a psychic.

“ she probably would have… mainly just responded to me. So it’s about my desires for her.” says Mark.

“ that’s pretty normal heterosexuality. I think pedophiles get confused and think that that’s the same thing as what they do but it’s obviously different.” says a pastor.

“ so she never comes on to you?” says Donald Trump.

“ yeah, I know she comes on to me?” says Mark. “ what are you thinking?”

“ like she never offers her self to you?” says a woman.

“ no Lacey doesn’t do that!” he saysz

“ what does she do? She never came on to me I don’t think almost ever.” says Chris Dodds.

“ well, she’s more attracted to me than she is to you. No I mean she just jumps on me.” says Mark.

“ oh wow!” says a man.

“ yeah she’s extremely good but because she’s extremely sexy and nine times out of 10, you come onto her because you’re so aroused. But then the other percentage of time she gets aroused by you when you know what you’re doing like I would, and she just throws her self at you in a way that’s incredibly arousing and satisfying because in a weird way it’s an extension of what you did. Except it’s not because it’s her.” he says.

“ yeah that sounds about right. I never experienced that with her either, but it sounds about right.” says Joel.

“ Lacey, do you know why we’re so weirded out?” says the CIA.

“ no!” she says.

Silence.

“ because you all suck shit in bed?” says Lem.

“ how does she come on to you?” says David.

“ like a purring Tigress!” says Mark.

“ I don’t understand.” says David.

“ basically… let’s just say I’m sitting watching a soap opera. She would never do that she would just sit there with me and watch the soap opera. Because it’s a soap opera. and then I might hold her and remind her that I love her more than anyone if we were married, and I would mean it. I really would. But let’s say I was sitting on the sofa watching football. Or something else maybe National Geographic. She might literally come onto me almost physically like she’s an actual cat.” says Mark

“Like crawl over oh, you have to kill me yes or a no that’s OK. I’ll break your neck. OK I would prefer your teeth but OK. I’m home. Well no that wasn’t too bad. I’ll see you later P yeah it’s like a tornado!”

“ so it’s like a cat.” says Mark.

“ how does she do that without knowing that she’s sexy?” says Casi.

“ you don’t understand. she does know. But she doesn’t know in the way that most people do. So she has enough knowledge to come on to people like that only men, but she doesn’t know enough to know more than that.” says Mark. “ and to be honest even if she did, she wouldn’t be any different.”

“ why doesn’t she just offer herself?” says a woman.

“ because I think she feels some thing emotionally that she’s trying to express.” says Mark.

“ so she doesn’t think that men will find her rousing if she just stands there?” says a woman.

“ no she knows they do but I don’t think she thinks that they like that. Or something.” says Mark.

“ how is that not gay?” says a woman.

“ what the fuck are you talking about?” says Lacey.

“ because I don’t get I don’t get aroused until my husband starts touching me?” says a woman.

“ i’m not a gay man I’m a straight woman and I like the thought of my husband being physically near me don’t you ever just crave for a man to touch you?” says Lacey. “ I’m not trying to sound arousing, but I think I am probably like most women who are attracted to men who have any sense you want him to touch your entire fucking body everywhere why would just standing there glaring at him like a buffoon be arousing?”

“ it’s not Lacey.

But Melania Trump just called you a gay woman because she’s a prostitute in how she handles sex and they lack honor and any sort of real sense of how pathetic they seem.” says Mark.

“ I mean, what is it that women like her think men want to be made fun of? I don’t get it.” says Lacey.

“ is she naturally better looking than me, and still better looking?” says Melania.

“ yes very much so!” says God.

“ but you like to work it like a prostitute with your husband and apparently he likes that I don’t understand how that’s arousing to either of you I mean what are you selling him? It’s like you’re selling him something which isn’t really sexual.” says Lacey. “ I mean the look you’re making sweetheart is the look that I would’ve made in my grandparents general store in Nebraska when someone came in and was looking over at various different types of fabric, various different goods around the store. I don’t see how it you’re doing is sexual to the two of you?”

“ you shouldn’t have called her gay how the fuck is she gay?” says the CIA.

“ well, anyway, Melania doesn’t seem interested in explaining herself.

I don’t I really don’t understand.” says Lacey.

“ because you’re coming on to a man Lacey.” says Bobby.

“ but that’s not quite what’s happening.” says Lacey.

“ she’s right, Bobby I put her in a state of heat like a cat. Have you had sex or not?” says Mark.

“ so you mean to tell me Mark that you had such good sex with her that her body is literally craving it in her vagina?” says Bobby Kennedy Junior incredulously.

“ yes that is exactly what it is. I have given her such intense orgasms and love that she then thinks I have to have him. I want his hands all over my body and she comes on to me.” says Mark.

“ I thought that was pedophilia!” says a man.

“

No children get confused within like Lacey are not confused they actually want sex and they understand what it is. They’re just women and there’s a difference between a woman and a child.” says Mark.

“ bologna do you ever crave your husband in your vagina that way?” asks a lesbian.

“Yes.” she says.

Donald looks upset.

“ why does that bother you so much?” says Lacey to US President Donald Trump.

“ because she shouldn’t have to say such things!” he says.

“ you’re an idiot! Not completely, but in some ways you’re a total fucking idiot! you can’t say the things that you’ve said publicly and then expect people to assume that you don’t want to talk about stuff like that!” says Lacey.

“ well, I don’t.” says Donald Trump.

“ the problem is it’s too late because you’ve been wildly inappropriate!” says Lacey.

“ why are you harassing us just because Melania doesn’t do that to you?” says Mark.

“ we don’t have that kind of intimacy.” says US President Donald Trump.

“ that’s probably your fault!” says Lacey to him.

He laughs.

“I would never want Lacey to offer herself to me like a prostitute ever!” says Mark.

“ why do you like that??!” says Lacey.

“ let’s just say she was a prostitute at one point in her career when she was trying to survive I want that from her. I don’t want her to give anyone anything that she hasn’t given me. It sounds silly, but I actually do love her. And as an adult man, I can ask that of her because she’s an adult woman. Lacey role-plays I know from hearing from Bobby that she’s a prostitute with Lem. Bobby tells me a lot of things. And I know that that is a sexual thing that he does with her he was very into pornography. So I know that it actually is some thing that he enjoys but Melania does it in a more real way.” says Trump.

“ other than issues of her personal history. Why else would someone want that?” says Lacey.

“ because it’s sexy!” says David.

“ why is it sexy David?” says Mark.

“ what the fuck!??” yells Marsie.

“ you guys why do you do this? She’s not pretending!!! YOU ARE INSANE!!!” a perfume collector yells at Bobby and the CIA.

Bobby faints.

“ that’s why!” says a deaf woman in the CIA.

“ we get really worried about Bobby when he passes out or when he gets sad or when he gets remotely upset about anything. He insists that Lacey is a maternal figure to him. And he insists that Lem was gay!” says a woman from South Carolina. “ look I know that sounds crazy! But I am proud to be crazy as American! I am very proud to be an American! And I’m proud to protect Bobby Kennedy Junior’s ass. and then that sounds crazy to you? I’m a satanist! And I don’t care none what you think. I’m protecting that man’s hiney and I am proud of it.”

A man chuckles.

“ he’s like a child to us!

A part of the pedophilia ring in South Carolina. And sometimes Bobby he gets just stopping a diaper. and he done run around our house! And we were chasing him for hours.

Will you say Bobby you sit down. and he doesn’t want to sit down.

So we’ve been chasing him for a while.

Especially when he’s drunk.

But then he just passed right out and we’ll just let him sleep.” says a woman.

“ do you do you realize that he’s an adult?” says a reader.

“ look, he chooses to identify as a child on occasion at our house. And we let him because that’s what he chooses to be and we want to allow in foster that part of his experience. He eats a lot.” says the woman.

“ you know his father wishes he was dead.” says a woman.

“ well, I don’t know why. He’s a perfectly sweet boy!” says the woman.

“ do you have sex with him?” says a reader.

“ well, I mean yeah. But not really.

Because he said he chooses not to he says no I don’t wanna.

And I’m of the school of thought that you let them choose.

So he sometimes he says no I don’t want to and I think I don’t know what’s going through that boys head but that’s fine.

So he just don’t eat his color greens and his turnup greens and his ham and then he just runs around we’re real rural so he can run for a while.

He gets exhausted after about an hour or two.

I mean I think he looks good in diaper.

He works out, so sometimes I’ve just got a Magine that he’s a little fatter than he is but with it with with the town that he has on it’s a little easier to imagine that he’s just Leica a toddler prima donna. You know like toddlers and tiaras, but for boys.

And I know you are judging him for what he done with Putin. But I think Vladimir Putin should count himself blessed. Not many people get to see Bobby so often.

I imagine on his foster mother. He calls me mama. Not like a cute little kid like like a little boy from the south.

Knock someone from like the early early 20th century like murmur

And I just think oh OK precious whatever but he know he just runs around and around and then he just falls out and he just sleeps for hours.

But I just wish Ploen I wish that man Putin knew. I would love to get those pictures! I don’t know why that man is so ungrateful. I would think why did he go in my lingerie drawer. And then I think oh well, maybe he’s just getting crazy thinking he’s a homosexual. I know homosexuality is wrong

You can tell me you can tell me otherwise, but I’m not going to believe you! I know homosexuality is evil and wrong, and I would never allow anyone that I know to partake in it!

And I know Bobby ain’t like that OK he’s a little boy really in his heart so if you sending something to a man like Putin, who chooses to be gay for fun, don’t tell me that Matt ain’t done that I know he has Bobby told Me.

 I work for the illuminati I do they pay me $6000 a month that keeps everyone closed and fed and electricity on and the water running and then Bobby come down here and see me he come down here and see me and I say oh my word I am lucky! I am lucky to have Bobby Kennedy Junior in my house!

Brave, and then I think

That man is he’s doing for this country, and I am amazed.

The add his heart at his core. He’s just like a little kid.

His favorite candies are licorice he lost

He also likes got gob, gob stuffers, those big bowls of stuff.

And he likes M&Ms a lot he likes he likes chocolate. He eats a lot of chocolate.

He also likes Reese’s pieces, Reese’s cups and Hershey bars. We always keep those Hershey bars stacked to the top.

Do you like snickers? He likes a lot of chocolate.” she says.

“ oh, Lacey, I’m trying to figure out what it is exactly that you don’t understand about how sexy it is to be a prostitute?”’says David.

“ I don’t know why it’s sexy at all. I mean the only right reason why it seems sexy to me is because I was under the impression that men want you to want them.” says Lacey. “ like straight men want that.”

“ they do!” says Mark.

“ Melania just applied and David is implied that they don’t.” says Lacey. 

“ oh no it’s-“ says a woman zzz

“ how would I have met you?” asks Donald Trump Junior.

“ like, how would you have accidentally met me or how would you have intentionally met me?” says Lacey.

“ accidentally.” says Mark.

“ possibly in a bar somewhere.” says Lacey.

He sighs.

“ I wouldn’t have been interested in flirting with you. I might have talk to you, but I’m not a prostitute or a Golddigger so I don’t know.” says Lacey.

“ do you need to be killed Donald Trump? She’s not inferior to you and this is getting really dumb. I’m sorry.” says the Secret Service.

“ Why don’t

Why don’t you understand why it’s sexy to be a prostitute?” says David.

“ OK so I could’ve accidentally met you at a bar bar where else?” says Donald Trump Junior.

“ would you have ever gone to the host fest?” says Lacey.

“no!” he says proudly.

“ would you have ever been at the opera or ballet in Seattle?“ says Lacey.

“ no, I’m not that bourgeois!” he says.

“would you have ever been at a restaurant in Seattle?” says Lacey.

“ no.” he says.

“ see I think I could’ve been part of your hunting and shooting club but for some reason I keep being told that that’s impossible was it just for the state of New York?” says Lacey.

“ no.” says Melania

“ then I think I possibly could’ve joined it.” says Lacey.

“ OK would you had a recipe for foie gras?” he says.

“ oh, yes, very easily and I would’ve felt bad for you if no one was offering you a recipe.” says Lacey.

“ OK.” he says.

“

You could’ve very intentionally met up with someone in my family it didn’t happen and you seem happy to be with who you’re with and that’s wonderful but if you were actually interested in me at any point you could’ve met with me I mean it wasn’t that unthinkable.” says Lacey.

“ did you want us to meet with you Mark or not?” says Donald Trump Junior.

“absolutely not! I hate government involvement. I loved the fact that my family was so unknown!” says Mark Nesheim. “ i’m not a hick. I’m actually incredibly sophisticated person. You seem like a hick in comparison to me.”

“

Melania you’re full of it there was nothing homosexual about her. It was the opposite you seem like a potential homosexual or frankly a woman who doesn’t really know how to have good sex because she’s too performative.” says God. “Why are you picking on Lacey with your narcissism and bullshit you weren’t ugly woman compared to her before you had plastic surgery and you know that enjoy credibly insecure about it and your husband is a piece of shit compared to Lem! if you need to be killed and you need me to kill Bobby with you, I will but I’m working on killing her first!”

“ what is sexy about being a prostitute?” says Lacey to David.

“ because you know what a man wants.” says David.

“ but why can’t he figure that out for himself?” says Lacey. “ I don’t know. Maybe Donald and Melania have good sex I don’t know but I don’t think it’s possible for a man to truly pleasure a woman unless if he actually understands what he wants himself.”

“ I mean that is pretty much just common sense.” says a perfume collector.

“ Lem is very domineering in the bedrooms. not with me I dominate him. But he dominate me in my imagination. And we have very good sex! I come often!

I see him dominate Lacey, throwing her legs up in the air. All sorts of stuff. He’s very domineering. I don’t think I don’t think he can be more dominant of her body. Without ripping her apart. He’s very dominant of Her.

Oh shit like it I can tell. But you’re so dominant

Do you know I like that David. The way you are

Do you have lots of clothes, socks?

You have lots of good stuff!

I would like to be your friend

Turns out I have an opening.

I’m serious, the senior imagine with me with me.

I am the one who say things to you and touch your face and lay under you. I look up at you and say I didn’t know you could love me until now. That was my Spirit. I am the way you imagine all those years when she wasn’t with you. When you’re around her, you have to knocked with her. But when you imagine her with me bothering her well you are mad and they need David. You are imagining me.

I am very tense. What would you do to make me less anxious?” says JFK.

“ I would definitely just be your friend.” says David.

“ no because I happen to think you are secretly my other side of the sort of funds. I think we have fun.

Come on big guy how much to go pay me?” says JFK z

“jack would you have wanted that proposal and that ring?” says David.

“ yes actually I would have how much does that ring cost?” says JFK.

“ what’s 8000?” says David.

“ OK I can work with that that’s not that great but whatever it’s 1000 OK?” says JFK.

“ that’s a lot of money, Jack?” says David

“ no it’s not David a lot of money a lot of money David is 100,000?” says JFK.

“ jack you don’t even have a ring.” says David.

“ fine but I would not have set you up for bed wedding classes. If you cheated on me I would’ve just sent you dirty pictures and said oh my gosh why are you do that to me? I was your all night thinking of you. I am so sad!” says JFK.

“ OK.” says David.

“ I know what happen yeah you definitely think of me I know. And then I find out why it that you’re in love with me again

I will go back-and-forth for yours trying to figure this whole thing out call love.

I am very bad and bad is true. I’m not actually Jack I’m a demon.

But I’m being him because people don’t realize that he doesn’t exist. He really was terrible and bad but people like you don’t think of it that way what is it that you like about sex because Lacey is baffled.” says a demon impersonating Jack.

“ I mean it’s sex.” he says

“ is it purely just functional to you?” says Lacey.

“ no.” he says.

“ then what is it?” says Lacey.

“ it’s it’s functional I guess but it’s more than just functional.” says David.

“that’s sad.” says Mark.

“ I told you she wasn’t yours about five hours ago. Why didn’t you just listen to me?” says Joel.

“ Lacey what did you think could happen?” says David.

“ I thought that you would probably just figure it out?” says Lacey.

“ that’s what I did and it’s very sexy and very heterosexual and completely doable.” says Mark.

“ I don’t understand.” says David.

“ I mean the chick just stares at you long enough and demands that you fucker and then you go OK I will, of course duh!” says Bobby. “ but first you have to figure out if she’s cool enough because I’m not putting those balls anywhere near someone who’s not top top crop top top level great A.”

“No.

It’s like what was in the show that never was.” says Mark.

“Which was what!?” says David.

“David…this is Lacey:



She actually looks almost identical to Scotia. Her eyes don’t translate well on camera in person she really does in her eyes look almost identical.

And she has high cheekbones and a face that’s somewhat similar to Scotia. 

This is me:



David does she really look like somebody sweetheart who would do what you imagine she would do?” says Mark.

Silence.

“ It’s pretty obvious it is not crap not really Bobby.” says a psychic.

“ Bobby just said it was obvious that she looks like crap.” says another psychic.

Silence.

“ i’m confused.” says the CIA.

“I’m embarrassed.” says David.

Later.

Melania attacks Lacey.

“Because we were never as pretty as her!” says Princess Kate.

“Why does that matter so much to you?” says God.

“Do your husbands not desire you the way that I would desire, Lacey?” says Mark. 

“They don’t.” says God.

Both of you have larger vaginas than her that are less pleasurable to a penis. Your bodies also don’t move as well as her’s does. She’s far more fertile than either of you. See…you both are prostitutes to some degree. She’s not one at all, she’s a normal woman.”

“Why are they so snippy about that?” says Lacey to God.

“ because as much as their cat eats other women and arrogant as can be their incredibly insecure, and so when they meet somebody who’s genuinely better than them like Lacey like you, their entire persona is shattered. Melania is street trash compared to Lacey with an ugly face at a very ordinary body, and Kate is average at best.

Kate is average because she has a hideous body compared to most women. No I’m God I can say these things because they’re true. You look like a man, Kate, and then you work with that by making yourself very skinny. And it looks pretty. You always look pretty. And clothing designers have loved him and like both of you because they feel sorry for you for decades. But when men take off your clothes and they see what’s underneath they’re disappointed. What do you want her to do about it that’s not her problem. You’ve destroyed the entire fucking world with your shit egos. I will send you both to Hell if I have to.  don’t push at me!! I’ve loved both of you, your entire life, and I still do! But people get angry for a reason not because they’re mean!!

You think you’re so pitiful and so deserving of love just because you came from a poor background in Eastern Europe and you’ve worked hard as a prostitute to look rich and beautiful the way that she naturally is. And I’m talking to Milonja when I say that. Melania is an impersonation of what Lacey is by nature. And so is Kate. Kates mother was not a stewardess Kates mother was a flight attendant. Lacey‘s mother was a rare beauty Kates mother is not. And her sister has such a stupid name Pippa for a girl? Your family is bankrupt. Her family is salvaging the United States with their grandeur. Kate, your family was very middle class, other than your father and his background. You both married your husbands to look important and be worshiped because unlike Lacey, you’re both both very vain. Why did you choose like a bunch of cheap whores from hell to make that her problem?” says God. “ Kate, I don’t want to hear anymore from your mother and her lower class bullshit.”

“ I don’t think they feel sorry.” says Mary.

“ I know they feel embarrassed and that’s about it.” says God. “ do you understand why I am yelling at you?”

Silence.

“ I was going to try to explain our sexual background, but in order to do that, I have to be honest with myself and that’s very hard for me to do because that’s going to get me very aroused and I can’t do that. I can’t sleep with her.” says Mark.

“ see you like me because I’m a whore like you yeah we’re Virgo friends we get along very well!” says JFK.

“ Melania Lacey is never going to stop being better than you you’re going to have to get a brain that functions a little better somehow!” says Lord Roslynn.

“ do you think Eastern European people are stupid Lacey?” says Donald Trump.

“ that’s been my experience with most of them since World War I that has been my experience with most of them.” says Lacey. “ I have never met a intelligent person from Eastern Europe. They always seem like idiots on a certain level kind of like Jack.”

“Melania why are you stupidly choosing to hate her?” says Elon Musk.

“ I know big Russia daddy does not care about Europeans who are Slavic like Milonja! I know that big Russia, daddy likes the Slavic beauties!!!” says Bobby in a cheesy sexy voice.

“ you don’t think his animosity towards eastern Europeans is real Bobby?” says the CIA.

“ Lacey there really are very intelligent. Good hearted Slavic people!” says a woman.

“ for whatever reason that has not been my experience I’m just being honest and I don’t like it.” says Lacey.

“ no I mean I think he has some animosity towards them for very complex Geo political reasons that require a PhD to understand but I don’t think that it’s personal I don’t think he’s like that at all I think if you really talk to him in person you find out that he’s a really nice guy who just really wants to get along with people.” says Bobby.

“ That Bobby unfortunately is bullshit. He is a nice person, but he is not a fan of Eastern Europe.” says a man.

“ I don’t hate eastern Europeans. I’m just very suspicious of them and I don’t like it but it’s true.” says Lacey.

“ how many Americans feel that way!?” says the CIA.

“ the most!” says Russia. “ we have been infiltrating social media for decades.”

“ what do you think we are Lacey?” says a man in Lithuania.

“ i’m not convinced of it. 

Hateful. Heartless, mindless. very backward! Incompetent. Uneducated, illiterate, diseased. Absolute trash. Possibly humans who might be better off dead.” says Lacey.

Putin laughs.

“ like I said, I don’t completely buy it!” says Lacey. “ but Melania is being so violent that I felt the need to discuss it.”

“It’s okay.

She’s SLOW!” says Bobby to all of Eastern Europe, laughing.

Later.

“ what is reality?” says a man to Lacey.

“ and that Melania and Donald probably have a very very good sex life. That he’s probably terrified of losing her because of the way she’s out of his league.

And yet she’s not. Because he actually is a very handsome, sexy man and she knows that she’s not stupid. And he’s incredibly historical and incredibly important. And she knows that she’s not incredibly well by marrying him. and so that makes her nervous. They’re both very insecure people. But they’re very in love, and they know that.

If he ever dies before her and I would assume that’s very possible, she will be devastated. And she doesn’t know that because she is very irritating to me, but she doesn’t know that. As much as he cheats on her, she knows that he’s an idiot. And when he dies, she will be devastated.

She secretly draws a lot of strength from him. I wouldn’t even be surprised if he’s living for her and he’s part of the reason why he’s so alive compared to Joe Biden is because of her. But she doesn’t understand that.

They’re very historic people!

And what irritates me on a personal level is it? I can see that and they don’t respect that I’m just that objective of a person and I like space because I have the very honest objective thoughts.

The truth is Melania is a rare beauty. As she is now. She’s aging poorly and she looks awful in a way.

But compared to most women, she still is exceptionally pretty. Especially women her age. I know they’ve been thrilled to be married to each other.

And I am amazed that Melania is so stubbornly blind about how pretty she is now. It is plastic surgery but it’s what she looks like. It’s her face and she owns it. It’s what she wears every day. She can sense to looking like that. I think that that is some thing that somehow maybe she hasn’t processed?

She’ll probably look even prettier in person. In heaven. and I hope she doesn’t ruin that for herself, because what she looks like in heaven will be who she really is in the eyes of Christ through his sacrifice at her salvation. It’ll only be in the fallen world that she’ll be anything short of perfection as herself. and then I get scared and I think why is this woman dwelling on what she looks like before? And why is she attacking me with it? Why have her and Kate chosen to be evil? It’s like they’re trying to find some stupid reason to hate me and I have no idea why anyone would do that that’s very sick.

It’s so sick! Just be happy with what you have be suspicious of me but don’t be so Backchannel profoundly evil just because you’re angry that you were ugly at 15 and now you’re a rockstar I don’t get it.

The truth is your husband would be thrilled to have a superior ride so to speak. But they’ll have one in heaven with you. And they don’t want me they don’t want me. I don’t care what they tell you they don’t want me! So there’s no reason to be hateful because they’re there and they’re really not interested in me.

So it’s a bit suspicious. I find them very suspicious.” says Lacey.

“ I am aging badly.” says Melania. 

“ what would you look like if you hadn’t had surgery?” says Lacey.

“ probably better than I do now.” she says.

“ yeah and that’s what you’re that’s what your mind was prepared for. I mean that’s what you were prepared for. But you made the choice to look astoundingly pretty rockstar, gorgeous for decades. Time passes! That’s why evil is very stupid!

And that’s why God hast to see if everybody because people like me know that and my heart is not 100% pure because I’m smart enough to know how evil is stupid. Even if I’m almost exactly close to 100% perfect it’s not good enough because God is perfect. And so it doesn’t mean that I am perfect. It just means that I’m being very smart. And see people in the past used to know that and they weren’t wrong but it’s better to be good.

A persons heart intent does matter, but our actions are important as well.

I think you still look better than most women so there’s still that.” says Lacey.

“ and I was exceptionally beautiful!” says Melania.

“ Yes

You were an absolute work of art!“ says Lacey. “ was it worth it?”

“Yes!” says Melania.

“ does Donald like women who have more weight?” says Lacey.

“ yes.” he says.

“ you could just gain weight Milonja.” says Lacey. “ and you would look dramatically different in a way I would suspect then when you were younger because it would just your face would fill out. I know you wouldn’t be able to wear the same clothes but you would look good.”

“ I would that’s true.” says Melania.

Silence.

“Putin is WEIRD.” says Bobby.

“ why, Bobby?” says a woman

“ because I think he thinks Lacey is better looking than Melania and I guess according to God she is, but I mean I just doesn’t make makes any sense.” says Lacey.

“ What doesn’t make sense Bobby?” says NBC.

“ it’s just that Putin is really good looking. I actually think he’s a lot hotter than Donald Trump.

Oh, I think Putin, I think Putin could kick Donald Trump‘s ass. In a beauty contest, he kick his ass!

And then Lacey could kick Melania‘s ass.

So that’s just weird.

It’s just Too much ass kicking.” says Bobby.

A gay man looks at him.

“ no I’m serious he’s kicking too much ass it’s just excessive. See if he wants to be with me I think I could consider leaving Lem’s for at least 1000. I could be, I could be his friend! 

I like Putin!” he says

Giggling z

They are negotiating.

“ Melania why are you obsessed with Lacey? it’s because she’s better than you and she’s who you’re pretending to be isn’t she almost exactly?” says God.

“yeah, that is probably why.” says Mark. “ that’s a very dangerous reason to be obsessed with her though you’re outing yourself as a fraud that’s a very dumb thing to do.”

“ yeah I can understand them I really Katlyn do you care to explain how the average and lighthearted and brilliant at color theory?” says Lacey.

“Well this got serious!!” says Bobby.

“ no because I don’t think Melania is very good at color theory. She’s good at figuring out what beauty looks like. She did basically copy your face to some degree but there you go who is who is Jack copying Lacey?” says Lem.

“ OK do you want something pedantic an exact or do you have some common fucking sense when it comes to art?” says Lacey.

“ oh, no, I actually have some common sense who?” says Lem

“ oh, who else? Matisse? Van Gogh. But mostly Matisse. I mean fuck it’s like a cheap ass fucking idiot bitch from Hell’s version of Matisse.” says Lacey.

A dead British aristocrat nods.

“ you hate his art.” says a man.

“ yes because he gets recognize it really is that shitty but you all just shit all over yourselves to love every fucking second of his assholery.

People like me give a damn and where are the ones that are babysitting you. And then you sad stupid little bastards go off and lick Melania’s shit off her ass. what the fuck is wrong with your brains!?” says Lacey. “ his art was pathetic Lem, absolutely fucking pathetic!”

“ she’s right!” says God.

People stare.

“ i’m not him you stupid assholes I would never make something that shitty!” says Lacey.

“ it really is that bad she’s having a visceral brilliant reaction to absolutely crap art.” says Michael Rockefeller.

“ I was being patronizing.” says Lem.

“ How could you stand to be patronizing about absolute fucking shit!?” says Lacey.

“ and then they have the audacity to pretend to be friends with Matisse, his great great granddaughter?” says a dead British aristocrat.

“Yes, the great glorious King Charles the third is his best bud!” says Lacey.

“ and do you think they’re raping Matisse?” says the aristocrat.

Lacey thinks. “ they do seem to reference him a bizarre amount!”

“ Lacey, do you know that Russia is talking about nuclear war?” says the CIA.

“You know if he had about 20 nuclear bombs and he just blew us all up? Dang it would be like getting five different air conditioners on a hot summers day in the south in 1957. It really would be. I would love it. It would be so nice if he just blew everything up.” says Lacey

“ well, they don’t like that idea!” says Putin.

“ you know and I understand that. I get it they like this world for some reason. But I wouldn’t let it go and I would not let it get over you because that’s not appropriate. The truth is humanity has basically fucking nothing to lose. So if you obliterate us all, I don’t think anyone’s gonna be crying about it be they’re dead.” says Lacey.

“ she’s right!” says Putin.

“ so basically, it’s that he doesn’t give a shit about your bullshit because he is the leader of Russia and he agrees with me that this world is a corrupt shit hole. Because it is. And then you’ll think that this world is great, but it’s really not. And then you’re expecting him to give a fuck about your little worms in fancies. Y’all are going to have to learn how to be humble.” says Lacey to the US.

“ I made her channel My mam!” says Bobby.

“ well, I’m gonna go because there’s ice cream calling and I’m sure Putin will take care of it as best as he can.” says Lacey.

“ you just had a salad I don’t think we’re having ice cream.” says Lem.

“ no, we’re having ice cream!” says Lacey.

“ how did I stand being so patronizing because I try to find the good in people.” says Lem.

“ but Lem it is such fucking shit!” says Lacey.

“ he fooled me into thinking he was better than he was, because I was insecure about my own art.” says Lem.

“ does he have enough nuclear weapons to blow up everyone?” Lacey says to the U.S.

“ yes!” says Russia.

“ good!” says Lacey.

“ is this real?” says Monika.

“ yep sure is kiddo!” says Lacey.

“ I just wanna Texas moment to dedicate a song to Vladimir Putin.” says Bobby at a meeting via Zoom.

Heroe by Enrique Iglesias plays.

Bobby dances. Dressed. He twirls. Drunk.

1:06

He lip-synchs.

In Spanish.

1:36

He suddenly has scarves.

2:06

The song plays.

Bobby very sincerely lip-synchs.

He sticks out his stomach. All 5 feet 9 inches. Twirls.

3:54

He’s wearing tight pants.

4:16

The song ends.

And Some Will Fall plays as Bobby drops glitter for the ceiling. It lands on everyone’s heads.

“ some will fall.” says Bobby. “ like a flower in August the petals will fall to the ground. Dead! They fall to the ground.

And so my heart dost fall! it falls for you Vladimir.

Everyday.

Every day I wake up, and I see sunrises rising above the horizon.

And I think of your heart beating with the rays of sunshine. In tandem.

Tendon tendon tendon.

Tenderly they drop the sunshine rays, and the petals on the ground.

And so tenderly does my heart fall Putin, just for you.

Just for you, Putin, only for you just a man in Russia!” says Bobby. He laughs.

3:00

“ I am in awe.” he says, still laughing.

He stands and stares at Putin. Open mouthed.

“ Bobby, what are you on!??” yells Trump.

The song ends.

“ oh, that!? a mixture of Sudafed…vodka…thyme honey… maple syrup, mixed with what was that powder or some powder. And watermelon juice.” says Bobby.

“ what was the powder?” asks the Secret Service.

“ it was the sort of energy powder?” says a woman.

“ you just you had it with maple syrup?” says Olivia

“ I turned it into candy.” says Bobby.

Reminiscence plays.

“ all right that’s a time for the action pack!” says Bobby. 

He undresses. Wears a leather thong.

Putin has two large men carry him away as he does arm gestures.

Maggie screams in her spirit. “NO!!!”

“ it’s OK! They’ll hear our love someday maybe someday!” says Bobby.

Lacey is told to stop

“What happened?” asks David of Mark.

“I already told. …I just pushed her into a refrigerator on set. …In a scene.

No! Lacey it’s REAL.

I pushed her into a refrigerator. …To make out.” he says. “Do you understand?”

“Why!?” says David.

“Why push women into a solid backing? Like a wall?” says Skippy. “To feel more in control. To physically control them.”

David thinks.

“Like in Match Point?” says David.

Scarlet laughs.

“No. Like in real life.” says Mark. “Come on! You’ve done that. Rigth!?”

“No! He hasn’t.” says Joel.

“Bobby says he was inspired aesthetically by Celine Dion.” a gay man shares with Lacey.

“Ever?” says Mark.

“No.” says David.

“David! WHY!?” yells “Skippy”.

“It’s too…melodramatic.” says David.

“No. It’s NOT!” says Mark.

“But he’s feeling that passionate!” says Lacey.

“I am.” says Mark.

“Nobody feels that passionate!” says David. “I mean…naughty. But…that passionate?”

“Yikes.

No. That’s…very common. Lacey is arousing. But…it’s not uncommon.” says Mark.

David looks confused.

“You’re JOKING!” says David.

“No. Use common sense. It’s in a lot of movies.” says Mark.

Awkward silence.

“Okay.” says David.

“Super common.” says Mark.

David thinks. “It’s her boobs?” says David.

“YES!!” says Mark.

David thinks. Looks sad. “I’m a deeper person than you think. …I don’t just want a hot woman.”

“What will you do?” says Mark.

“Marry again.” says David.

“To whom?” says Lacey.

“Why did you think you’d been hacked?” asks David.

“Something changed on my Facebook profile. Or I thought it had. And I was wrong. I’m a ditz. But it completely creeped me out.” says Lacey.

“Then why tell me!?” he says.

“I told you because I was worried you’d be hacked too.” says Lacey. “It’s a long time ago. But I think I thought you should know first.”

“Oh.” he says.

“Why did you flip out?” says Lacey.

“Because I thought you were obsessed with me.” he says. “And trying to find reasons to talk to me. And I found you desperate and ugly and pathetic!”

“Your wife was a sack of literal shit by comparison.” says Lacey.

He fumes. “Fine. She was.” he says laughing smugly.

“And you’re a tiny dicked weak loser with no sexual ability and a scrawny-ass body. You’re a used up nobody. With half a brain.” says Lacey.

“You were never that popular.” he says.

“DUH! Did you lick toilets to get noticed?” says Lacey.

He cries.

“Who died and made you God!?” she says.

“I’m important!” he says.

“NO! You’re a MORON.” she says.

He cries.

“What’s wrong? You realized your dick didn’t grow out of your ears?” says Lacey.

He thinks.

“You know…it’s near your legs. You stick it in a vagina. They call it sex. …SEX!” says Lacey.

“I knew Mark was from a rich family.” he says.

“So why did I seem pathetic to you?” asks Lacey.

“I’m not that weak!” he says.

“What makes you strong?” asks Lacey.

“Physically?” he says.

“Yes!” she says. “HURRY UP!! THINK FASTER!!”

“My mind.” he says.

“Then why do you respond so slowly?” says Lacey.

“You stump me.” he says.

She smiles politely. Raises her eyebrows.

“Why did I seem pathetic?” she says.

“It wasn’t the money!” he says. “It was your…

You seemed…prettier.” he says.

“Did you think you’d won?” she says.

“Yes.” he admits.

“What DELUSIONAL world were you living in!?” asks Lacey.

“Jessica…wasn’t your equal. Fair! But…she was stronger than you. Mentally. And…I admired that. Tough.” he says.

“David, you aren’t even Norwegian, you’re a French little piece of shit!” says Lacey.

“No! I’m Norwegian on my mother’s side!” he says.

“What did they do in Norway!? Shovel snow?” says Lacey. “And claim to be Olympic champions!?”

“No. They were…poor.” he says.

“I’m not that pathetic! YOU ARE!!” says Lacey.

“Yeah. I am.” he admits.

“So! …Why’d you imagine you won?” she says.

“Because you were hurting. …I felt…sorry for you.” he says.

“Are you a sociopath?” asks Lacey.

“No!” he says.

“I just felt…superior.” he says.

“But that’s INSANE!” says Lem.

“She was molested!” says David. “I’m backward.”

“What did you think had happened to my brain?” says Lacey.

Awkward silence.

“I think I forgot…that you’d already been molested.” he says.

Lacey waits.

“You changed.” he says.

“I moved to Pennsylvania.” says Lacey. “That permanently altered my personality. I became so much more myself.”

He thinks.

“I thought that was the molestation.” he says.

“David. You’re NOT THAT STUPID!” says Lacey. “How could you possibly think that!!?”

He looks freaked out.

“Because it’s a sudden shift!” he says.

“Yes! But it’s…way after the molestation!” says Lacey.

“But you’d not realized you had been molested!” he says.

Lacey thinks. “That’s different!”

He freaks out. “Did you think I was backward?”

“Yes.” she says. “But I had faith in you.”

“What’s the difference?” he says.

“The molestation was my…angsty…sad quality. …The edge was just my personality.” she says.

“I have one too!” says Lem.

“He’s always had one.” says Lucretia.

“I also have an edge!” says Putin.

“True.” says Lem.

“What part of your…angst…did you show me?”he says.

“I was…less…patient?” says Lacey.

“Yes. You still seem agitated.” he says.

“It scares me. …Life shouldn’t be that bad!” says Lacey.

“I ruined your life. Somewhat.” he says.

“You did baffle me.” says Lacey.

“How!?” he says.

“You seem so…heartless. And…totally disinterested in…meaning. And yet so smart! So…aware. …So sharp. …And yet so stupid. …Why!?” says Lacey.

“I’m not autistic.” he says.

She waits.

“I’m…punishing you. For being…you.” he says.

“Did you think I was a man?” says Lacey.

“No.” he says.

“Then what were you looking for!?” she says.

“Do you want me to hate myself!?” he says.

“No!! I’d like to know what’s going on!!!” she says.

“I’m not deep.” he says.

“You pretend to be!” she says.

“You do!” says God.

“I’m not.” he says.

She thinks. “I’m sorry if I was too harsh.”

He cries.

“Why are you crying?” says Lacey.

“You’re not supposed to be that deep.” he says.

“I’m FAR DEEPER!” she says, enraged.

“I messed-up!” he says.

“I wish I’d never met you.” says Lacey.

“Why?” he says.

“You’re EXASPERATING!” says Lacey. “What do you mean by ‘messed-up?’”

“I shouldn’t have dated you.” he says.

“No.” she says. “I suppose you shouldn’t have.”

“Are you impressed by me?” he says.

“Are you a narcissist?” she says.

“Yes.” he says.

“Clinical?” says Lacey.

“No.” he says.

“What made you go evil?” says Lacey.

He thinks.

“A desire to be liked. By men.” he says.

“Are you bisexual?” says Lacey.

“Yes.” he says.

“When did you know?” she says.

“In high school.” he says.

“My goodness.

Well…I hope you are in God’s hands.” she says.

“I don’t know you.” he says.

“Too bad??” she says.

“No!!!” he screams at God.

“What does he want!?” says Lacey.

She waits a bit longer.

“COME ON!!” yells Bobby, desperately in the future.

“I don’t want to tell her!” yells David.

“Tell her!” says God.

“I’m a Christian.” he says.

“Since when?” says Lacey.

“College.” he says.

“Before you dated me?” says Lacey.

“Yes.” he says.

“Oh! Was Jess too?” says Lacey.

“Yes!” he says.

“Well…I hope you do better in your faith!” says Lacey.

“You too!” he says.

“Not so much!” she says. “I don’t need your help. I’m sorry.”

He leaves.

“How did you know he wouldn’t care?” asks Janet.

“He’s almost Old Money. But not quite. But almost. And he’s…like that. Some people are…cold as ice.” says Lacey.

“I was too.” she says.

“You wish!” says Lacey.

“I would have cared.” says Joel.

“Too bad.” says Lacey.

“Well that was weird.” says Lem. “Let’s go to bed