Lacey tries to listen to the people in the perfume community with Eric.
A man in the perfume community: I’m here to have fun.
I think we did attack you. You, obviously, know that.
But why did you- Why did you have to be so mean?
Lacey:
Eric: When she came out as old money?
A man in the perfume community: …Yeah.
Eric: How is that even mean?
A man in the perfume community: *thinks*
I guess I didn’t want to know that. …Because I can never be that sure of myself. And it just makes me sad.
Eric: But she only shared that because she was being attacked.
A man in the perfume community: I know.
*thinks*
Honestly? People don’t care about rich people, or hot people, or any of those things anymore. It’s not fulfilling.
We all still enjoy seeing a pretty face. But…I just don’t care about their feelings now.
Why? Because…I feel…like I am suffering.
*shrugs*
Eric: What happened before? Like TEN YEARS AGO. Things were different back then.
A man in the perfume community: I joined the perfume community to feel good about myself.
There I said it.
I joined the perfume community to brag. Not to be impressed by anyone else who doesn’t amuse me.
A billionaire who flies a gold plated jet? Okay. I’m into it.
A woman who looks like Melania Trump? Maybe. If she’s a slut.
In all honesty I’m here to use bitches, be impressed by bitches, and be a huge bitch.
Make sense?
I don’t want some sweet, old money, lonely woman in my feed. That’s not fun for me.
Lacey: So you only followed me out of sympathy? Because you stupidly assumed I was like you? Because you’re a shallow vain twat?
Eric: Yes. They didn’t want to admit they look like shit compared to you. Nor that they aren’t old money, for real. Nor that they’re not as artistically gifted.
Are you really looking for a literal gold plated jet?
A man in the perfume community: Yeah!
Eric: That’s dumb as hell!
A man in the perfume community: *laughs condescendingly at Eric.*
Whatever! I love me some BLING.
Eric: You guys are SO middle class. As a collective community.
It’s embarrassing.
Do you understand that Caroline Calloway isn’t as old money as Lacey. She’s not as rich as Lacey. And Lacey could have married a man who graduated from Cambridge, just like Caroline…except he was genuinely super impressive?
A man in the perfume community: But Lacey’s not famous.
And she’s not got long hair, like Caroline.
…And…that man she could have married isn’t famous neither.
Okay!?
Get a clue!
Eric: But social class isn’t about being famous.
Being famous is just being famous.
And Lacey could easily just buy long hair.
A man in the perfume community: Okay?
If Lacey ever became famous I might appreciate her. I might feel bad about being cruel to her. But until then? Nah. I’m good.
Eric: That’s vile. And completely trashy.
Do you understand that?
A man in the perfume community: I don’t care.
See…when she outed herself as old money? It hurt. Because…I have feelings. Okay? I HAVE EMOTIONS. They’re completely real. And they MATTER!!!
MY FEELINGS MATTER A LOT.
…But now…after ten years…I’m starting to piece together…that she’s not a freak. Like…she’s not poor yet. Nor locked-up. So…maybe something she said wasn’t complete trash. Huh! Okay.
So…now that I have to admit that I’m not old money. And she’s not worthless shit completely compared to me? Well…- *he shrugs* I guess someone approachable and decent can be old money, in a way I’m not. Fine! Whatever.
Thing is…I’m not old money. I’m still not old money. Right?
So…- *shrugs*
Now I’m gonna have to be just…myself.
And I want A YACHT.
Eric: So…you’re owning being trashy?
A man in the perfume community: Actually…yeah.
I just want a gold yacht.
And…a house on Mars.
Eric: So…you all are basically just…heartless, self-serving, middle class snobs?
A man in the perfume community: She’s not showy enough.
She doesn’t have the goods.
I want action. I want RESULTS.
See…Daniel Rene isn’t necessarily as genuinely wealthy as her. Nor anyone in her family. …But he’s famous. Who cares if he’s actually kind of short? On camera? On camera he looks amazing. …And I’m sure in person his face and hair look great too. …I’m never going to actually meet him, so his height isn’t that important. He looks sexy on camera.
No, see…I wanted Lacey to have a huge perfume room! With cool shit. And to look GOOD on camera. I don’t have time to appreciate her natural beauty. I want GLAMOUR. I want…ACTION.
God: Lacey is much better looking than Daniel. It’s even obvious on camera. But you don’t care?
A man in the perfume community: No!
Daniel is more appealing. Even if she’s actually better looking. …He’s…sparkly. She’s…not. She’s just really beautiful.
I don’t care that he’s short.
I don’t care.
I’m looking a lot less closely. I’m looking for an overall appeal. Not closely.
…Her bag collection? BORING.
And how nice that she’s saving for retirement. How nice! And how nice that she’s being responsible and living frugal. WHATEVER! I want a sexy gay man…with a former crack addiction…who SMELLS AMAZING.
Okay?
I want a bleach blonde SLUT. …Who’s happy. And cheerful. …Who smiles!!! And smells like WARM VANILLA.
I am BORED by her. She is either like me…or she needs to shut the fuck up!
Jan: I told her once, years ago, that people were only following her out of sympathy.
Turns out she’s richer than me.
Whatever!
I have MEISSEN.
A man in the perfume community: And you met Justine Picardie!!!
Eric: I’m more important than Justine Picardie. …So is Lacey, actually. In reality. …And, her father, could have married Coco Chanel.
Coco Chanel could be her step-mom.
Coco Chanel herself could be Lacey’s MOM.
A man in the perfume community: What the fuck ever.
So what!?
…That’s years ago. …I want someone with a big house…who looks cool…NOW. Not the daughter of Tom Banks. Living frugally in her 40’s. Not fun! Not impressive. I want…something.
Eric: That’s sad.
You don’t want reality?
A man in the perfume community: No!
I don’t care!
She can go fuck Vladimir Putin! He can even marry her! …Not impressive.
Until she has…a gold yacht…on Instagram…I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT.
Eric: Why!?
A man in the perfume community: Because…I’m not interested in books.
When I’m online…I want ENTERTAINMENT.
I want to be amused.
I work hard.
I want to be AMUSED.
Eric: So it was hopeless for her to begin with?
A man in the perfume community: Yes. I guess so.
Most of us, even the so-called experts, are really online just to show-off. We barely care the perfume. Outside of impressing people. We wear perfume not to study the notes and appreciate the art, but to make people worship us.
Eric: Which is why they’ve made perfume so sweet and appealing, as of late.
Ambroxan is loud and impressive.
A man in the perfume community: Yes.
I wear perfume to show-off.
I drive a Mercedes not for the experience of driving German…but to look like I know what’s good. To look rich.
And I want to see that. Don’t expect me to appreciate your poetic words about perfume, Lacey. Or your inquisitive attitude towards antique perfume. *eye-roll* I have no interest! …I want EXCITEMENT.
Eric: So…what did you want her to have?
A man in the perfume community: Big hair. Big boobs.
A big house.
A MASSIVE perfume collection.
And perfect photos of herself, showing off ALL of it.
…And I wanted to be manipulated.
I love when people are bitches. Cruel. Conniving. Mean, even. …As long as it’s a game. As long as there’s a reward for me, or a possibility of a reward.
Eric: What’s the reward?
A man in the perfume community: Being recognized. Feeling…like I matter.
Unless you’re a real jerk…you do accept some people. And I want to be one of those people! …I don’t care who’s left out. …Hell, I can even be left out, as long as I’m occasionally included.
Make me feel…some excitement!
Eric: So…you imagine those kind of people will actually be your real friend? On occasion.
A man in the perfume community: YEAH!
Because they have to be. It’s a mutual agreement.
They reject people who are inferior. But sometimes I’m not. And then it’s my turn to be mean.
Eric: So…when are you actually friends with these people?
A man in the perfume community: I guess I never am. But I have a nice family. …I have a loving family. …And I have real friends.
I’m online because I was EXCITEMENT.
Eric: And you don’t give a shit about a lonely person? Online.
A man in the perfume community: No. That’s not my problem.
I’m here for FUN.
I’m here for ME TIME.
I’m here for MYSELF.
I want SEX.
Eric: You still want sex?
A man in the perfume community: Yeah.
I have some expendable income. Some health. And I want to FUCK.
Eric: You’re a hideous person. Do you realize that? …Maybe you can be loving and have…depth. But really, you’re an incredibly depressing idiot.
A man in the perfume community: Cool!
I have my own life.
Eric: And you don’t care about anyone or anything else?
A man in the perfume community: No.
It’s not my problem.
Eric: What about Democracy?
A man in the perfume community: *looks confused*
Eric: What about DEMOCRACY!?
A man in the perfume community: *Looks totally confused.*
Eric: Like…do you worry you’re not…building a sustainable economy? Or a sustainable anything?
A man in the perfume community: Sustainable?
*He laughs and rolls his eyes.*
Whatever!
Eric: No, but like…if you don’t care…and do your job…you’ll be potentially used.
A man in the perfume community: *thinks*
So…what do you even want me to do?!?
Eric: Collectively do your part.
Organize.
Threaten the powers that be.
Hold Jeff Bezos accountable. Or we’ll lose EARTH itself.
A man in the perfume community: Don’t try to scare me! I already know everything works out. You can’t fool me!!!
Eric: Things have always worked out in the past…because people actually DID WORK. You’re doing NOTHING. And yet you expect to be BABYSAT. Constantly.
A man in the perfume community: *thinks*
No. I already know everything works out.
I already know.
I’m going to have fun.
You can’t fool me!
Eric: That’s tragic.
…Do you want that much entertainment because you’re working so much?
A man in the perfume community: No.
I just want it.
I mean, I do work a lot. But that’s not it.
I want…stimulation.
A sexy gay man on TikTok: STIMULATION!?
So I’m your prostitute!?
A man in the perfume community: No.
*He laughs.*
No.
*He laughs and smiles.*
Cisneros: I keep flashing Lacey images of me. Waving my arms around. With knives.
And…I’m completely fine with her laughing at me.
…I was insane.
I had…a personality disorder. Not just Bipolar Disorder. …But…I decided it was totally normal to do what I did. *she laughs with Lacey at herself.* …Because…I believed I was…cool. …Like it was a perfectly fine thing to do.
*She laughs at herself with Lacey.*
Lacey: Did you have jealousy towards the woman who you killed?
Cisneros: YES.
*She thinks.*
I did.
She was skinny. And she looked-I felt like a total fuck-up. …She was…so admirable looking. So genuinely impressive.
…I decided it was cool to stab her.
Lacey: Because you resented not looking good.
Cisneros: Yes!
I felt like a complete failure.
And she embodied the I I wanted to be.
It was pure evil.
…I did believe in God. *She nods.* Which is why I’m fine now, and not in Hell. …But…I was…- I didn’t care. …I was cool with being shot. I had tried to kill myself. I had already tried to kill myself.
I just wanted to be…cool. Be a bad influence. Do something impressive. …And stabbing someone who’s annoyingly perfect…made me feel…cool.
God: That’s how sick people are now.
That’s how completely dysfunctional and insane people are today.
Cisneros: Yeah!
I don’t feel like I deserve to be dead. Because I’m so much better off.
I deserve to be behind bars.
I feel…awful, for the woman I killed. Now. …Now that I’m in my right mind, I feel incredibly guilty.
Lacey: Why did you target the old man?
Cisneros: *Laughs at herself.*
Because…he seemed…privileged.
*She laughs at herself again.*
They both seemed privileged to me.
Lacey: If I was sitting on the street, in a sidewalk cafe…in Paris…would you have shot me?
Cisneros: *Thinks.*
No.
Lem: Why?
Cisneros: You’re not happy enough looking.
Lem: What if her kids were?
Cisneros: *Thinks.*
Yeah. Maybe?
…See…I wanted to create impact.
I wanted to…do something. Something BIG.
The woman who was stabbed: I barely felt a thing.
I felt something. But…it was so shocking…I pretty much was dead before I could feel that much pain.
…Would I live my life all over again the way I did? If I knew she’d attack me? Just because I was so genuinely happy?
*She thinks.*
Yes.
I wish I had done more to help people. But other than that, I lived a fulfilling life.
Cisneros: I would try to be her friend, but it’s still too weird.
She’s actually a really cool person.
*She cries.*
I was INSANE.
I was fine. For years. But…I dunno. Things were getting to me lately. The world. Just how bad everything was. And I just…wanted to be- I just wanted to be a part of it. I wanted to feel…like a part of the world. Not just like a failure.
Lacey: I just want to laugh at you.
Do you understand?
Cisneros: *Smiles and nods.*
I actually appreciate it.
*She cries.*
Lacey: The best we can do is laugh at ourselves, maybe. In moments like that.
Cisneros: Yes.
It’s merciful to just laugh at myself. It’s God’s grace, that allows me to do that.
*She smiles.*
I’m afraid it is funny.
*She laughs.*
A reader: Did you think you were a Ninja warrior?
Cisneros: *Laughs.*
Kind of.
I mean…I’m normal now, because I’m dead. …Richard Ramirez isn’t crazy anymore either! …I chose to just…let God fix my head. …Some people don’t want that. …I didn’t care.
So…I actually did have a slight personality disorder. …I could be…heartless. Like, truly heartless. …And…so…when I was down and manic…I went psychotic. And decided to…do my thang.
Because I had…evil. I was…somewhat heartless. …So my self pity manifested, in my manic state, as…violence. Even though I hadn’t been. …Because I was so manic…and so…disconnected from others…that I just felt like…being…bad. You know? Being…crazy.
God: And now you feel horrible.
Cisneros: Yes. But it’s wonderful to feel normal.
*She nods.*
I feel incredibly guilty. But…I’m thankful to feel guilty.
A woman in the perfume community: Do you feel guilty? Lacey. Do you feel any guilt? At all?
Lacey: For what?
A woman in the perfume community: For telling me you’re old money!! DUH! That was an incredibly evil thing to do!
God: Why?
A woman in the perfume community: Because I’m not old money.
It just made me feel sad.
A sexy gay man on TikTok: For what it’s worth? I hate her too.
I do.
I hate her too.
Just like you.
A woman in the perfume community: Yeah.
I mean…she’s pretty.
And she’s smarter than most people.
So…that’s enough.
That’s enough.
Cisneros: See…you sound like me.
You sound like me, before I stabbed people.
A woman in the perfume community: Yeah.
God: She’s not reading this. She’s just reacting honestly.
A woman in the perfume community: I don’t necessarily want Lacey dead.
Actually, that’d be kind of sad. If she died?
But…I’m not old money? Okay? And…how dare she!?
Cisneros: So you wanted to maintain the delusion that she was just like you?
And it made you angry when she was sharing evidence to suggest otherwise?
Before she ever came out and actually told you she was old money?
A woman in the perfume community: Yeah!
That’s true.
*She thinks.*
I admire you- Wait. No I don’t.
I don’t know.
I guess I just feel like it’s wrong. The way some people are being so…fortunate. Like…why not me??
Cisneros: Do you feel like they’re human?
A woman in the perfume community: Mostly.
Cisneros: Just mostly?
A woman in the perfume community: *She thinks.*
You sound like a psychologist.
Umm…-
Yeah.
I think it’s unfair.
*She shrugs.*
God: So you honestly believed she was actually like you?
A woman in the perfume community: I wanted to. I think I just wanted to.
Cisneros: Okay. But we don’t have a right to actually do that.
We don’t get to decide other people’s lives. Just because we feel inferior and it scares us.
A woman in the perfume community: *Thinks.*
I would like to control Lacey. And lots of other people. Actually.
I wear perfume to control people. I wear perfume to control how people see me. And I analyze perfume to control people, in detail. Like their reactions? I want a very specific reaction from people.
You’re right.
You know…I feel guilty. And that’s part of my obsession with her. Because, at the end of the day, I know I just insulted her. Over and over again. …But I just can’t…let her feel happiness. Or joy. Or anything good. Because…then I feel even worse about my life.
She’s so real. And it’s nice. But see…if I admit she’s actually really gifted and privileged…I have to compare my life to it, and suddenly I feel like shit. Because…if her down-to-Earth yet old money aesthetic isn’t mine…then what hope do I have of ever being anything superior? In reality.
Eric: Why do you need to be superior?
A woman in the perfume community: Because. I have a happy life. I am middle class.
But…I’m not…different. …I’m just average.
That’s not exciting.
My life isn’t exciting.
I want a thrill.
God: So few people are that happy anymore. Do you not understand that?
A woman in the perfume community: *Thinks.*
No.
What are you talking about?
God: So, do you watch the news?
A woman in the perfume community: Not much.
God: Yeah. People don’t as much anymore.
And the news isn’t what it used to be anyway.
Even online.
People are really suffering. Are you?
A woman in the perfume community: I mean I sold plasma. To go to Neiman’s. And buy some stuff.
*She laughs.*
Lacey: *Excitedly* What did you buy?
A woman in the perfume community: Oh! I bought-
Wait! Why aren’t you jealous!? *Angry.*
Lacey: *Uneasy.*
What did you buy?
A woman in the perfume community: I don’t want to share my happiness with you!!! EWW!!!
Cisneros: What did you buy?
A woman in the perfume community: I was evil!
I should have bought my daughter a new coat.
*She laughs.*
I bought a $600 bottle of perfume!
*She looks like a drug addict, fondling a needle.*
Wanna smell it!?
Cisneros: Wow!
Why did you pick the one?
A woman in the perfume community: See…Lacey can buy both the expensive down coat and the $600 perfume.
*She laughs, feeling morally superior. Sure of herself.*
I watched her. Over years. What a HUGE PIECE OF SHIT!
It’s HOUBIGANT!
Just like Lacey!
*She laughs maniacally.*
Cisneros: Do you realize she genuinely doesn’t care? Or no?
A woman in the perfume community: *Looks sad.*
That’s wrong! I can’t stand that-
Cisneros: No! You’re wrong!!!
You’re SO wrong.
I’m not a rich person. But, as a New Yorker, I don’t give a shit either. And that’s both before I died and now.
Another woman in the perfume community: LIAR!!!
Cisneros: No.
You’re wrong.
*She laughs.*
Why the hell do y’all keep expecting me to care!?
Be real!
A woman in the perfume community: Okay.
*Thinks.*
Because that’s all you have. Money.
Cisneros: Okay.
Why does your opinion matter to me?
A woman in the perfume community: *Thinks.*
But you cared when I complimented you?
Cisneros: Sure!
But that’s normal.
That’s just normal human psychology.
You being WEIRD AS HELL and buying Houbigant with blood money?
*She laughs.*
Nah!
That’s just embarrassing and weird. Why would you expect me to still care!?
I’m sorry!
A woman in the perfume community: But that means I’m affecting her!
Cisneros: OH HELL NO! That’s actual crazy talk.
You’re actually being very weird. That’s WEIRD.
Once a person steps outside of normal human behavior…it ceases to have the same effect.
You’re not being normal. I’m sorry.
A woman in the perfume community: Fine!
I should have just stopped caring.
But she irritated me.
Because I’m never going to be that way.
Ever.
Cisneros: But there are many out of reach people on Instagram. Why does she bother you so much?
A woman in the perfume community: Because she talked to me!
Listen to Shostakovich’s “Suite For Jazz Orchestra No. 2” as conducted by Paavo Järvi.
Cisneros: So it felt real. It felt like something real.
A woman in the perfume community: *Thinks.*
Yeah.
And now I feel childish. And stupid. And taken advantage of.
Cisneros: Why?
A woman in the perfume community: Because it isn’t real, after all.
It’s cruel.
She let me believe we were alike. She let me feel like we could be friends. We can’t. I don’t understand her! I can’t really relate!
I’ve never been the Pharaoh’s daughter. I’m not Lady Rosslyn! …How in Hell…am I supposed to be…her friend!?
It’s sick!
Cisneros: Okay. But she didn’t do that to you!
A woman in the perfume community: *Thinks*
Then who did!?! *She screams.*
Cisneros: It wasn’t her.
Who it was is actually very complicated. But it wasn’t her.
What did that feel like? Realizing slowly that you couldn’t relate?
A woman in the perfume community: *Thinks*
I think, someone, flipped out when she did eat Hamma Hamma.
Okay. I’m sure if you’re a local…you can easily eat there. FINE! But…that’s too much.
I can’t ever imagine!
I’m not going there. I’m eating Chef Boyardee. And I know, given her tastes in perfume, Hamma Hamma is…damn good.
It was just stuff like that. Repeatedly.
I felt…-
*She thinks.*
I felt dumb as HELL.
Lacey: I didn’t know that! At all!
Cisneros: *Nods.*
A woman in the perfume community: So…you had no idea?
God: She’s real old money.
She didn’t know.
A woman in the perfume community: Then I make no sense.
God: That’s literally what she kept saying!
A woman in the perfume community: Yeah, I felt dumb.
Like…no. We are not alike.
Lacey: But oysters are for everyone.
A woman in the perfume community: Yeah!
But I’m not-
I’m not going to ever eat them!
Lacey: You could take a trip there! It still exists!
A woman in the perfume community: Yeah…but you went there on a weekend.
It’s not the same!
Lacey: No, I suppose not.
So going to get Hamma Hamma on the weekend looks like fun?
A woman in the perfume community: *Speechless.*
A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: LET ME FIX THIS.
“Oh! You be going out for fancy seafood!” she pretends to comment on Lacey’s post.
Lacey: *Thinks.*
I have no idea what to say.
A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: *Laughs.*
TRY!
Lacey: *Rubs her forehead, in exasperation.*
*Thinks.*
“YEAH! IT WAS GOOD!”
A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “Why are you so bitter?”
Lacey: *Thinks.*
“NOTHING FOR you to worry about. ☺️”
A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: *Thinks, disturbed.*
“I doubt that.”
Lacey: *Feels disturbed now too.*
“Well, I have God.
I hope you do too.”
A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: *Laughs at Lacey in her response.*
“I do.”
Lacey: “It’s not funny! God is what matters!”
A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “Sure. But we ain’t supposed to be miserable.”
Lacey: “Oh well.
I’ll be happy in Heaven.”
A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “DAMMIT.
See, I want to hate you, but I can’t. You’re too depressing.”
Lacey: “Then just forget you ever met me.”
A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “I can’t do that.
Well I’ll be rich in Heaven.”
Lacey: “You might even be rich here. It’s not impossible?”
A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “Not likely!”
Lacey: “At all?”
A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “Nah. Not likely at all.”
Lacey: “Are you happy somewhat though?”
A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “Yes.”
Lacey: *Smiles.*
“Are you really!?”
A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “Actually, I am.”
Lacey: “Good!
Well, I’m not.
But I did enjoy my oysters.”
A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “That’s good.”
Lacey: *Smiles in response.*
A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “When did you just become…resigned…to merely enjoying oysters?”
Lacey: *Surprised the woman cares. Thinks.*
“In childhood.”
A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: *Thinks.*
“I’m sorry.”
Lacey: “Well, at least you care.”
A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “Here’s to Heaven!”
Lacey: “Yeah. You’ll be rich in Heaven.”
A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “If I were as genuinely concerned about my fellow man, as you, I would be. Hopefully I am.”
Lacey: “And I’ll enjoy my oysters, in some peace, until then. Or in tandem.”
A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “What else are you supposed to do?”
Lacey: “Actually, yes.
There’s nothing else I can do.”
A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “Alright!
Well, then enjoy your lux life. I guess.”
Lacey: *Laughs, in response.*
“Thanks!”
A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “I’ll be joining you, in about 30 years!! OR LESS!”
Lacey: “Oh goody!”
A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “Yeah, I guess 30 years isn’t that long!”
Lacey: “No!
That’s how I look at it. Actually.”
A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “But dearest…as much as I actually love what you’re saying…because it’s God’s truth…in Heaven there are ‘many mansions’…we are supposed to be alive. You know?”
Lacey: *Thinks.*
“What do you think I should do?
Some people…just suffer.
Actually, lots of people do.
And oftentimes there’s a way out.
But not always.
And all I can do…is enjoy my oysters.
OH BLOODY WELL.”
A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: *Thinks.*
“I believe you.
At least you have your kids! And your husband seems…nice?”
Lacey: “Ha! YES!
I adore my kids.
They’re my kids.
And yes, my husband is nice. He’s good company.”
A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “That’s not so bad.
It’s not nearly what you were probably promised or expecting. …I’m sure it’s not what you deserve. But…it’s bearable.”
Lacey: “YES! You understand.”
Listen to “Méditation” by Massenet, as performed by Yo-Yo Ma.
A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “You’re trapped.
You’re completely trapped.
*She laughs*
But…you’re a strong woman. I can tell.
And I’m not some shallow idiot person. I know a rich man can be sad. Just as sad as me.
Well, you aren’t being tortured to death, at least.”
Lacey: “TRUE!
Although, if I was being tortured to death, I might just die.”
A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s:
*Thinks.*
“Most likely. Although there are some possibilities. …Maybe you would die anyway, though.”
Lacey: “Yeah!
Anyway, I’ll settle in and rough it out.”
A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “Yeah. It’s too bad your husband doesn’t really love you. Did you think he did? When you married him?”
Lacey: “YES!
Oh well!”
Listen to “Brandenburg Concerto No. 6 in B Flat Major” by Bach, as performed by the Academy of Ancient Music.
A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: *She laughs in response.*
Lacey: *Smiles in response.*
A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “Does he enjoy oysters too? At least.”
Lacey: “Yes!!! *Smiles.*”
A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “Well, I’m happy for that. For you.”
Lacey: “Yes, someday, we’ll both get what we want. Life is short. And for some people that’s a horrible thing. But…for other people…it’s a comedy. Maybe? Or…rather strange.”
A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: *Thinks.*
“You’re right.
Funny.
I guess death isn’t something to be afraid of. Funny. As Christians we are supposed to think that.”
Lacey: “YES!”
A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “But do try to enjoy life. As best you can.”
Lacey: “Of course!”
*Later.*
A man in the perfume community: You can’t do that.
Lacey: Do what??
A man in the perfume community: You can’t just be looking forward to death. To have sex? No! That’s not a thing!
God: Yes. It actually is.
A man in the perfume community: No way!
That’s not Christianity!
God: Actually, to think otherwise isn’t Christian.
A man in the perfume community: But sex is EVIL!
God: No. That’s not true. It can be evil, if the person is being evil. But in and of itself it’s not evil. And it’s totally redeemable. Christ did redeem it.
I created love. I created romantic love. Why would I destroy sex in Heaven? Why wouldn’t I want sex in Heaven? No, I would.
A man in the perfume community: But sex isn’t holy! Which is why it’s so fun!!
God: Not true!
Nothing evil is ever truly fun.
Sex is only ever enjoyable because I created it.
A man in the perfume community: But what about kids being molested!?
God: That’s evil.
That’s not in Heaven.
But happy, normal, healthy love between a husband and a wife, is.
A man in the perfume community: You’re not real.
God: No. I am.
A man in the perfume community: Whatever!
*Later.*
A different woman in the perfume community, somewhere in Eastern Europe: Wait…so let me get this straight.
Listen to “Everything In Its Right Place” by Radiohead.
There’s an Illuminati. I know there is. You can’t watch Stanley Kubrick and not figure that out.
And because Lacey’s family has billions in oil…they noticed her. Somehow.
Okay.
…And for whatever evil reason they decided to attack her. Her and her whole family.
*She thinks. Smirks.*
*She laughs.*
Funny!
And now…she’s stuck. Because…they’re aware there’s an afterlife. And they’re using their leverage…whatever it’s worth…to harass her. And try to ruin her entire existence?
How…does that seem…at all safe?
Serious question?
The Illuminati, should it exist: *Freaking out.*
The Eastern European woman: Are you actually scared!?!
The Illuminati, should it exist: YES!
…
Attacking her was…a HUGE mistake. The more old timers who die…and leave us…possibly joining her side…the more we see it.
None of them emerge on the other side on our team. Any.
We can tell!
And tons of shit keeps happening and getting worse.
We accidentally attacked Ancient Egypt. And the Holy Roman Empire. I’m sure of it.
Jack Kennedy was a fucking fool. Dolly loved him. But she’s dead.
Cisneros: Dolly loved him!? Really!?
The Illuminati: Yeah!
You wouldn’t expect that?
Cisneros: No.
For real though?
The Illuminati: Yes!
Cisneros: See…I just don’t get it.
How do they go together???
The Illuminati: Hold on!
How many people like her? Because they’d rather be dead nowadays?
God: MORE THAN YOU WANT!
Cisneros: And it’s funny.
I look hilarious.
I mean…aside from the obvious fact that people died. It’s actually comedy gold.
Me. With my crossbody bag-
*She cracks-up laughing.*
Two knives. One in each hand. Trying to charge at a group of tall, buff, male Manhattan police officers!
*She laughs.*
And it’s all caught on camera!
A reader: Do you actually have a good sense of humor? In Heaven?
Cisneros: *Laughs.*
Yes.
And that’s why you believe in “higher selves.” Be careful with that.
Truly.
But yes, I do have a good sense of humor.
Lem: The world is changing.
A woman in Eastern Europe: I’m still mad.
Why are you messing around with her afterlife!?
What did you fools even do!?
Cisneros: I think Dolly assumed Lem was like Carl Dean. And she was Jack Kennedy.
*She rolls her eyes, in tandem with Lacey*
What did they do?
They ruined Nepal!
*She scoffs.*
No, for real though…-
*She thinks.*
She was screwed. …Because Lem was smart enough and sophisticated enough to believe he was gay, when he wasn’t. And few people alive today can even begin to comprehend it. It’s too high level.
So…even professional biographers mistake the whole situation as a real love story. Because they can’t discern anything else. They read the evidence and nothing else makes sense. …Now…I will say…I don’t think any of them are professional psychologists. *She laughs.* I mean…with what I know…I can tell Lem isn’t right in the head. …And you can’t be that cruel to anyone without it being exactly what it is, psychologically. There’s no way it didn’t affect Lem. And his lack of response…is a response.
So…I can tell that a love story isn’t likely. Not a real one. But I guess…they can’t.
Anyway…because people are so dense…and unqualified to be making decisions about history…but are anyway…she was totally screwed.
And God knew that.
God knew that the minute she was born…it was bad news.
So…he rightfully allowed other men.
Listen to “Angelica” by Lamb.
Lou Hill Junior. From Minnesota. …Harold Loeb. …No, sounds impressive, but honestly…it’s all real.
It’s all real.
And yet…”the Illuminati”…chose to ignore that.
They’ve been messing around with…everything.
They made Harold reject Lacey. By conjuring Brett. They made all of the men reject Lacey by pulling shit like that. All of them!
And it was totally unnatural!
Because…in a normal situation…they would not have abandoned her. Not the way they did. Not like that.
So…now…Lou is…really suffering.
He had unfinished issues with his second wife.
Harold is…miserable.
Michael is too.
And Elliott…is ready to take off with her. He’s MAD at Lem. I mean…MAD.
It’s bad. All of it.
And none of it is normal at all.
But they felt they knew what was best.
*She rolls her eyes.*
A reader: Lacey is a Jolene!!
Cisneros: To Dolly? Yeah.
*She laughs.*
Dolly was such an idiot, if there’s an Illuminati, when it came to Lacey. Such an idiot.
I’m sorry. I wish Dolly well, but I can’t sympathize with her.
Dolly was a fucking IDIOT…when it came to love and sex…
*She shrugs.*
She honestly believed the Jack and Lem shit. In her heart. She fervently believed it.
She loved that book. By Pitts. LOVED it.
And so when Lacey started talking about Lem…she aggravated the situation with Bobby. And made it TEN TIMES WORSE. Because…she took the whole thing so seriously and so personally.
A woman in Eastern Europe: So she didn’t understand that Lem was a real person?
Cisneros: Honestly!? She knew! …She knew! …But she believed she was…better than that.
She somehow felt she was…wiser than…all of it.
*Looks sad.*
She had a STUPID relationship with her husband.
*She laughs.*
Nobody could figure out what the hell was happening between them because it was dysfunctional, STUPID relationship. …Because she made it so.
He wasn’t happy. …All those years. He felt…really neglected.
And she didn’t let anyone figure that out. Not really.
They were in love. But they both had affairs. Because they had such little time together. And she lied. She LIED through her teeth about it. OFTEN.
…But she was HOT. And he knew it. …And he knew he couldn’t find another woman like her. …And she knew no man would ever love her, as honestly. So they stayed together.
And she was too messed-up to be honest. Ever.
Growing-up poor…actually did affect her. Psychologically.
So…yeah.
She read that book…and took it WAY too seriously.
Lacey: Why?
Cisneros: Because…-Because she was…simple.
*She shrugs.*
She couldn’t believe a straight man would be so…gay. For any reason. …She was too backwoods to get it.
And…and…she was…-
Listen to “Backdrifts” by Radiohead.
She was…in love with Carl.
And she felt incredibly guilty. All of the time. For wanting a career. For being…so sexual. Publicly. …And not being just his wife.
And…in that closeted guilt…she believed other people were like her. Like JFK. She stupidly assumed Jack Kennedy was like her. …Constantly guilty. Deeply in love. Ashamed.
Except…he wasn’t.
Lacey: I know!
Was she was cruel and cold as Jack?
Cisneros: NO!
*She laughs.*
Not at all!
But…she had SO much internalized shame and guilt. So much. …So she demonized herself.
I mean…she was…evil. Very evil at times. But…Jack was cold as ice. …Whereas she actually did love Carl.
*Later.*
Lacey: I have a lot of grace for that shit.
Cisneros: I hear you.
I wouldn’t either, after what you’ve been through.
I love Dolly…but…knowing what I do now…I also find her to be completely obnoxious.
Lacey: What in HELL made her think she knew best?
Cisneros: EXACTLY!
Self-importance. …She was Dolly Parton. …And I think it went to her head.
A reader: So…what was supposed to happen?
With Lacey and all those men?
Cisneros: She was supposed to date Lem.
What happened was she was basically forced…like completely forced…to be with him. …And…it’s not what God calls it, but it’s basically “twin flames” stuff. …So…she’s with him. By default. …That’s just how God designed it. And that’s good…but…it didn’t happen in a holy nor healthy nor natural way.
*She waits.*
She is made for Lem. But…they can’t even handle that. So they’ve literally been so cruel they’ve made her teeth crack, from teeth grinding, because they keep sadistically harassing her. She’s had teeth removed…because they’re so stupid and evil. Just about these men.
She’s not a bad person! Really. It might look like it, but she’s not.
…So…- I guess…she’d have been with Lou. For years. They get along really well. …And he’s…so intelligent and kind. So sophisticated! …For YEARS he’d have been her man. Just…hanging-out. Chillin.
He’s buried here in Minnesota.
That was actually a VERY merciful protection God had in place FOR A LOT OF US. …As crazy as that sounds. But God is very gracious. …And yet…they didn’t have any respect for that. They were just mad that he was so elite. Jealous of her. Mad at her family.
So they ruined that.
Within MONTHS. …Just months.
*She shrugs.*
It was like that with all of them. One after another. They kept conjuring demons of lust to attack the men. And they found it funny. And it made them feel powerful.
And now…she’s been with Lem. For years. And there’s no way out. Which is good…but they can’t handle it. So they’ve been trying to suffocate her. Kill her. Shit like that.
A man in the perfume community: So…they can’t get rid of Lem?
Cisneros: Yeah!
A man in the perfume community: Why, as…spiritual as they are…can’t they just get it?
Cisneros: Ahh…good question!
Well…I think it’s mostly emotional. On their parts.
Like Dolly.
Actually, as some of these people have died…it’s become a lot easier for her. Daily. To hear Lem. To…trust herself.
A man in the perfume community: So he’s not just a demon? *He laughs.*
Cisneros: NO! *She laughs.*
That’s actually not even Biblical. The Witch of Endor actually does conjure a real dead man. It’s edgy to think that, sadly. But, he’s a real ghost.
God can do that. And in Lacey’s defense…he has. It’s just that simple.
A man in the perfume community: So she is genuinely stuck with him? There’s actually nothing she can do?
Cisneros: Totally! And it’s wonderful. They’re very in love.
But yeah…it’s also impossible to undo.
Jonah: Why do I feel like they’re still trying to attack her with the spirit of lust?
Cisneros: Oh! THEY ARE.
*She laughs.*
But…they just keep…basically rejecting it. And if anything they just lust after each other.
*Later.*
A woman in the perfume community in Eastern Europe: So they’re just mindlessly torturing her? Do they have a point? Like is she a sacrifice?
Cisneros: Actually, no.
They started attacking her because she is unusually good at shit they use to communicate with each other. Just by nature. And she’s not into the occult at all. And it irritated them. A lot.
They have issues with deep insecurity and jealousy.
For many reasons.
And…the way she’s handled it? Actually that impressed Dolly. It felt very familiar to Dolly. Very…Appalachia. Very clever.
They love her. In a way. And not because she was or is evil. Because she’s smart. And a lot of them actually are unusually smart too. And so…they like talking with her. At times.
Even as they torture her.
Actually, I feel like at times they help her. It’s an extremely difficult thing to understand. It’s kind of ancient.
Like St. Patrick.
Lacey: Did Dolly Parton ever say the Sinner’s Prayer because of me?
God: Yes.
Lacey: Oh good!
Barney Frank: I said the Sinner’s Prayer. I did!
*He smiles.*
God: It’s beautiful, but also quite sad. And also very funny.
A reader: But she was…loose?
Cisneros: *Laughs.*
Not really though.
Not…really.
*She shakes her head no.*
It’s not what it looks like. She’s not a bad person.
A man in the perfume community: Then how is she alive?
Cisneros: She’s got oil.
She calls on God every single day! She has done WILD spiritual warfare. Like…CRAZY- Alone. Just dancing.
It’s actually Ancient Egyptian. What she does. Whether there’s reincarnation or not. She looks Egyptian while she does it.
The man: What!?
Cisneros: Yeah.
No, it’s real.
She does…like…dancing. But it’s not demonic. Not unless demons are in revolt against Hell.
It’s no joke.
A man: What is she doing?
Cisneros: She’s moving energy.
God has given her ability.
She can literally tap into energy fields…because she’s so attacked…and then rearrange them. By hand.
She just…grabs it…using the Holy Spirit…and then rearranges it.
A reader: How do they not know this!?
Cisneros: Hey, maybe they don’t exist? Right?

Keen to Cross the Pond 