Laura reads what ghosts are saying, both living and dead.
A dead woman from Nepal: The perfume community just wanted to be better than her. That’s all this is about. They wanted to be more than her, or make her angry.
Laura: I keep getting the sense that Casi Hart has an obsession with her. But I think it’s because-
Casi, do you understand that she’s not and never has been jealous of you?
*They wait.*
A woman in America who may be (or may not be) Casi Hart or someone like her: I don’t hate her.
Laura: I highly doubt that.
Do you understand that she’s not and never has been jealous of you?
A woman in America who may be (or may not be) Casi Hart or someone like her: Yes.
*She rolls her eyes.*
Cisneros: Are you happy?
A woman in America who may be (or may not be) Casi Hart or someone like her: Yeah!
Cisneros: *Laughs.*
You sound sarcastic.
Do you realize that Lacey was assuming you were? And has been this whole time? I mean, really happy.
Mark: Because that’s what you all keep presenting. Why would I assume otherwise?
Cisneros: She’s not in Deep-state. She’s not spying on anyone. What you present on Instagram is what she has to work with, other than tidbits here and there.
A woman in America who may be (or may not be) Casi Hart or someone like her: I don’t have friends. *She shrugs.*
Cisneros: Okay? That’s sad?
A woman in America who may be (or may not be) Casi Hart or someone like her: Okay.
A woman in the perfume community who’s a lawyer: I don’t think we’ve been normal.
God: No, you all haven’t been.
*Later.*
Gloria Steinem: Look…it’s not like-
I hated women like Lacey. I’m being honest.
And for whatever reason she felt personally attacked. Constantly, by me. Maybe it’s because she’s Lem’s…wife…I’ll call it. …He’s not gay.
He was never gay.
I feel dizzy!
Hold on.
Oh my WORD! I’m a GHOST.
I’m A GHOST!
*Lacey laughs with her.*
You guys…it’s SO WEIRD!
She’s wearing Chanel Coco Mademoiselle. Lacey, you should wear that more. That’s good on you!
Lacey: Is it outdated?
Gloria Steinem: Who cares? You’re 43! It’s fine.
You know? Age a little.
Lacey: I hear you!
Cisneros: Ahh…Lem WAS STRAIGHT.
She’s not saying that. But he was.
Why do y’all keep trippin’ on that one?
Gloria Steinem: I can’t handle being that wrong!
Cisneros: That’s WEIRD.
Lacey, chill. She’s with God. She’s suffering, but she’s not in Hell and God has her.
She’s LYING, though.
Why can’t you handle it!? Look, I’m not trying to be mean…but I seriously think I lost my mind…because of what you all keep doing. …What do you mean you can’t handle being wrong?
*A moment later.*
Yes, I’m helping Lacey because she reminds me of my female victim! I do feel like a dumbass, okay?
*A moment later.*
Gloria Steinem: I hate this!
Why do you always have to be right!? *She yells at Lacey.*
Cisneros: *Rolls her eyes.*
Why can’t you handle the truth, Gloria?
Gloria Steinem: SHIT!
*She’s struggling with something, physically.*
There’s no way she’s in love with Elliott Roosevelt? *She says to someone else.*
Cisneros: *Rolls her eyes.*
DUH!
What…you don’t think she’s pretty enough for him?
Lacey: Yeah. That’s what it feels like.
Cisneros: I hear you.
Gloria Steinem: No, Lacey’s extremely beautiful.
Cisneros: Yeah, you can’t admit that. Even now!
That’s what it is. Isn’t it?
You all decided that your egos would decide world affairs.
So stupid.
A woman in America who may be (or may not be) Casi Hart or someone like her: Wait!
Lacey could easily be with Elliott?
Cisneros: *Nodding her head.*
YEAH!
The only reason…THE ONLY REASON why she can’t is because she’s genuinely made for Lem.
He really wasn’t gay.
He really was abused by JFK.
They really weren’t soulmates nor twin flames. That’s complete rubbish to think they were. I don’t care who told you otherwise. …It actually makes NO SENSE to think they were either of those things. NO SENSE. At all.
Gloria Steinem: I can’t handle this!!! *She screams.*
Cisneros: So stupid!
GROW-UP, GLORIA!
*Rolls her eyes.*
We’ll be back.
*A moment later.*
A woman in America who may be (or may not be) Casi Hart or someone like her: So…Lacey is only not with Elliott because God literally made her for Lem?
Cisneros: YES!!!
Elliott: It’s much ado about nothing.
*He shrugs.*
I’d be her “husband” easily, for eternity, if she wasn’t better suited, ultimately, for Lem Billings. It’s extremely simple.
Cisneros: *Nods in agreement.*
There are also other men!
There are also other men!
Casi (?): *Laughing.*
*Later.*
Gloria Steinem: Alright fine! They couldn’t have made love the way I kept saying-
*Lacey’s been ignoring her, because she sounded demonic.*
Laura: First she said Lem wasn’t gay. But then she started telling us that he’d “made love” with JFK. What she described wasn’t possible.
Cisneros: No, they weren’t like that. That’s soulmate behavior. They weren’t like that! Jack was a total friggin asshole!
*Rolls her eyes.*
Lacey: They keep doing that!
Cisneros: I KNOW!
It’s OBNOXIOUS.
God: Gloria is adjusting. But it’s a huge adjustment.
A male Boomer: I’m surprised she’s not in Hell.
God: She secretly wanted to worship me. Just in case.
She secretly was what you’d call a Christian.
Woody Allen: That’s NOT dumb! I’ve done the same thing!
Casi (?): Have these people been sending me demonic messages?
God: If there’s an Illuminati? Yes.
They’ve been inciting you to attack Lacey.
Cisneros: Yeah! It’s WEIRD.
Why can’t you handle the truth, Gloria?
*A moment later.*
Gloria: Because it’s so personal.
*She shrugs.*
If Lem was actually heterosexual I’m possibly a total fucking idiot. A blowhard. A loser.
Because the “scholars” who have supported me most over the years have been like David Pitts and Louis Bayard. So if those men are going way off the deep end…intellectually…in assuming Lem was gay…and deeply in love with Jack…then I’m toast. It’s all interconnected. Intellectually.
*She shrugs.*
Lacey: I wondered if that’s what it was.
Gloria: FUCK!
Cisneros: We’ll be back-
Casi (?): NO! Hold on!
Hold on!
Why couldn’t they just let her be with Elliott!?
A man reading this: Duh! Yeah.
I hate these people!
*He eats his ramen.*
Cisneros: Yeah!
Well…because they’re too stubborn. See…they’re reading her. And they can tell that that’s going to fall apart. That bond. And they can sense the sexual energy of a tall, light colored man. And that man isn’t Elliott, it’s Lem. But they can’t handle it. So they just throw the whole thing out…out of sheer desperation and terror…instead of being responsible and actually handling it, like functioning adults.
Dimitry: *Laughing.*
So they messed with our heads…should they exist…to harass Lacey. Because…they refuse to accept that some of their beliefs are wrong?
Putin: YES!
AYE!
It’s awful.
*Later.*
Casi (?): Why don’t they just let her be with Elliott?
Are there angry Roosevelts?
God: No!
Because they can sense it’s not going to work. Should they exist.
Jim: Then they need to be wrong! They need to let it go!
That’s life!
*Later.*
A gay man: Ah…but then why did they wear matching swim trunks?
Lem: It was my idea. Or Rose’s idea. His mother, Rose. For the photograph.
If it was her idea, she was sick. Simply put.
If it was my idea, I was trying to be gay. I knew couples sometimes matched their clothing. And I was trying to enjoy being gay. Unsuccessfully.
A gay man: So you tried to be gay?
Lem: Yes.
And I wasn’t the first.
A gay man: We lie!
*He sighs and rolls his eyes.*
I knew that was possible.
*He rubs his forehead.*
God: People oversimplify a lot nowadays.
A gay man: YES! They do!
Lem: I thought I was gay.
It wasn’t as if I wanted to be gay.
A gay man: So you impersonated us?
Lem: Yes.
Starting as a teenager.
I was of the opinion that it was a medical condition. And that the best way to treat it was to be optimistic. Try to enjoy the experience as much as possible.
A gay man: So you’d have tried to enjoy missing a foot?
Lem: That’s my personality. Yes.
A gay man: So you’ve been trying to explain this…for years…and Dolly and Gloria shut you down?
Lem: They read Lacey’s reticence the wrong way. If there’s an Illuminati.
She’s very prone to doubt. It’s an inheritance from her father, Tom. Doubting Thomas?
She doubts everything. Well, not everything, but many things. It’s just her nature.
And they misread that as her “finally getting smart”. …Both Dolly and Gloria hoped she’d become a bisexual or a lesbian. Neither of them could accept that she was genuinely just a heterosexual woman. Should there be an Illuminati.
And they couldn’t believe she was so…emotional…and fragile…as a cis, very feminine, straight woman…AND strong. …It deeply irritated both of them. It triggered them too.
A reader: They were triggered by her?
Lem: Yes! She’s too like their mothers. Or someone who felt…scary, to them.
They had issues with women in the Greatest Generation.
A gay man: So you impersonated us?
Lem: Yes!
A gay man: So you impersonated us!
Lem: Yup!
A gay man: So you were completely lying. The whole time!
Lem: Yes. But it wasn’t meant to be a lie.
A gay man: Did that trigger both Dolly and Gloria?
Cisneros: Dolly more than Gloria.
Yeah.
They can’t be wrong!
They just…couldn’t handle being so wrong.
A gay man: Wow!
No, see…you make sense.
Lem, you make so much more sense if you’re this psychologically disturbed genius.
God: That’s pretty much what he was.
A gay man: Huh.
I like this narrative SO much better.
Lem…-
*He rubs his forehead.*
Why…-
Gloria: How rich are you? Tell me!
A gay man: Rich.
Ahh…I make $400,000.00 a year.
*He shrugs.*
Gloria: He really makes that much? *She says to someone.*
A gay man: Yeah!
I’m actually very real.
Very much a good old sport.
Gloria: That’s what I was worried about!
That’s what Dolly and I were worried about!
A gay man: *Looks very alarmed and confused.*
Gloria: SHIT!
SHIT!
Casi (?): Yeah!
And you don’t want me… to believe I’m Virginia.
Why?
Gloria: SHIT!
Casi (?): *Nods*
Gloria: I didn’t want…this to become an issue.
A gay man: *Nods.*
Meaning what?
Gloria: FUCK!
You really were that controlled by me?!?
A gay man: DUH!
I mean…DUH!
So what were you afraid of?
Gloria: You’re rich!
A gay man: Uhuh.
And what does that have to do with Lem?
Gloria: You don’t like me.
Men like you don’t like me.
A gay man: Ahh. Why?
Gloria: Because you’re a rich bastard!
A gay man: *Looks sad.*
Okay.
Gloria: Lem is one of you.
You’re gay and he’s straight. Fine. But he’s one of you.
A gay man: Who are we?
Gloria: You know what I mean! You vote Republican! You’re a rich old bastard!
A gay man: So you decided-
Oh, so you decided to threaten my rights…as a human…to do what? Because I KNOW you have put ALL gay men in harms way by denying reality on this issue. …I can tell!
So…you decided to make this about social class?
Gloria: *Speechless.*
A gay man: Wow!
So what’s your big fear? Why can’t gay men like me finally understand the complex nature of Lem Billings? Because yeah, I do get him.
Gloria: Well, that’s just it.
Who is he?
You tell me.
A gay man: *Thinks.*
He’s-
He’s that quirky…sensitive…nerd. The one with glasses. Who likes the hot chicks. But gets turned down by them.
And he admires JFK because he can get laid. By chicks. A lot.
And he…means well, somehow. But he’s…so painfully nerdy.
And then after his dad dies…he gets weirder. Because he hangs out at a church after school to get a recommendation from the priest, to stay at Choate. It’s his mom’s idea. …And he gets molested. And…so…he starts smoking…and drinking…and decides he’s gay. And no one can talk him out of it! Because he’s convinced. Utterly convinced.
*He laughs. Smiles.*
He’s actually not gay. At all! And I could have helped him and told him that. But I wasn’t there.
*He shrugs.*
…He’s so…eccentric. But he’s old money.
*He shrugs.*
…So he drinks and smokes…and tries to “live his life”. Because no one can convince him that he’s normal. He’s not gay. He’s just a rich…sensitive…nerd. …And no, being molested was not his gay awakening. *He laughs.* … He’s just- *He sighs.* He’s a nerd. Okay? Being a gay…doesn’t save his masculinity. …He’s just an asthmatic nerd!
Gloria: I didn’t want to believe he was that guy.
A gay man: He’s less pathetic. But at the same time more?
Gloria: He’s an egotistical asshole!
Lem: No. But I’m closer to that than it currently seems.
God: If there’s reincarnation he’s Emperor Constantine.
Does Constantine seem like an egotistical asshole?
Gloria: *Cries.*
*God comforts her.*
Lacey: He’s so tenderhearted though too. It’s actually quite brave and kind to be willing to try to be gay, in the way he did. He meant well.
Lem: True.
And no, I did not molest Bobby. I didn’t have any involvement with him. That’s all a fabrication or a misunderstanding.
A reader: Someone was thinking that.P
Gloria: Okay, but then why are we fine with that? Why doesn’t it seem morally offensive…for Lem to be such an asshole?
A gay man: Because he’s-
Gloria: BECAUSE HE’S RICH!
A gay man: Fine. It is that. Yes.
Gloria: Yeah!
We find it charming. Because we’ve romanticized the old money. We’ve romanticized people who send their kids to Choate.
…Some dork who doesn’t have a clue! But it’s okay because he’s a cute rich kid.
That’s what I couldn’t tolerate!
Lacey: But Gloria…that’s REALITY.
Sacrificing YOUR LIFE by three years…or more…and Dolly’s by twelve years…and my health too…doesn’t alter REALITY.
Gloria: I didn’t want to believe you’re this person.
I’m sorry.
I can’t handle it!
Queen Elizabeth II: I tried to fix things.
Why couldn’t you just listen to me?
Cisneros: Because you’re A QUEEN.
It’s offensive to them.
Queen Elizabeth II: Did it make things worse that she’s like me?
Gloria: God is forcing me to be honest, otherwise I’d lie.
YES! HELL YES!
Lacey: Why? What did you gain?
Or were you just being destructive and evil?
Gloria: *Screams.*
*She’s possibly in Purgatory.*
Jeffrey Epstein: Did I destroy the world?
God: Interesting question.
Gloria: I WANTED TO BE RIGHT!
I was an egomaniac.
There. I admit it.
Somewhat.
A gay man: I don’t understand. Why couldn’t you work with Lacey?
Gloria: *Thinks.*
Listen to “There, There” by Radiohead.
Elliott: This song should be in a movie about Lem and Lacey’s life. It’s perfect.
Lacey: I was just thinking that!
Woody Allen: If I get to Heaven, I’ll make it!
Elliott: I hope you actually mean that!
Bill Cosby: I want in on that!
Woody Allen: We’ll see.
*Later.*
Gloria: The gay man is forcing me to have a new blog post with you.
A gay man: As much as I like the idea of Elliott…I’m offended. On behalf of Lem.
Lacey: Fair enough!
Elliott: You understand there’s nothing I can do. I emerge because I need to protect her.
Lem did make horrible mistakes! Horrible mistakes. Like letting people misunderstand his relationship with Bobby. …HORRIBLE. And…trying to euthanize him? Because that’s what it was.
–
Gloria: *Screams.*
Elliott: He shouldn’t have left Bobby alive. If he was going to try to kill him. And he was. Okay? He was genuinely letting Bobby kill himself. Because he believed Bobby was a sociopath.
…But you don’t go half ass with something like that. You can’t.
I understand what happened, but he made horrible decisions.
The worst parts of his nature were on display with that.
And…because of that…I have to help. At least at this point. Because people like Gloria destroyed the entire thing. Whatever her heart intent was.
And I’ve not been able to explain.
I’ve not been able to say anything.
Not like this.
Doesn’t mean she’s not with him.
*He laughs.*
It just means…that…his energy is too…oppressed…to be able to do its job, so to speak.
Does that make sense?
A Gen. Z lesbian: YES.
I actually completely understand.
They love each other, unconditionally. Lacey and Lem. But he just made too many serious mistakes.
Elliott: YES!
Keen to Cross the Pond 