Lacey Dances With Death

Listen to “Cuban Cabby” as performed by Desi Arnaz.

Jeffrey Epstein: Lem…-

Lem wasn’t attracted to men.

At all.

Do you get it!?

No?

Okay.

God is making me explain.

Lacey is…bizarrely or not…a lot like Lucille McGillicuddy.

Remember when she would get ideas? Like when something she planned wasn’t working out? But she was determined to make it work? And she’d get that look in her eyes? And she’d start doing crazy things?

That’s Lacey.

…Lem wasn’t attracted to men.

Lem WAS NOT ATTRACTED TO MEN.

…And to some degree, Elliott Roosevelt can jump on stage and try to pick Lacey up and carry her off. Metaphorically speaking.

But she’s determined. Just like Lucille McGillicuddy.

And just like Lucille McGillicuddy she’s madly in love with her husband. Lem!

And…she understands that he’s not gay. Okay? But…she’s confused, nonetheless.

She has…crazy ideas about what Ricky was up to. And she’s doing her best, to be a good sport. Just like Lucy Ricardo.

Listen to “Babalu” by Desi Arnaz.

She knows Lem wasn’t gay. And he wasn’t. But she’s very, VERY confused.

So…she’s dancing…with…the depths of evil. Trying to be loving.

2:06

See…she didn’t or doesn’t fully understand how much Lem loved her. So…she doesn’t get it. She doesn’t understand…that he was truly tortured. Not…just confused. That he was missing her. Not just…confused.

So…she’s trying to be a good sport.

And she’s trying to…embrace what she believes he was doing. She’s following his lead.

He wasn’t gay. He did almost brag about giving JFK oral. But…he wasn’t gay at all. And it actually made him vomit. He just hid it to seem tough. He didn’t want to be both gay and weak. He was determined to be a man. And he was one.

But she’s been lied to.

So she doesn’t understand.

And she’s not a man.

So she’s going at it. Hard. With the absolute depths of profound evil.

Because he was basically obliterating himself. Jack was secretly jealous of Lem, and men like him. So he took pleasure in sadistically making Lem suffer. And that was part of why he didn’t demand Lem engage as well. It was enough to make him do it, as confused as Lem was.

But to Lacey…it looks like…he meant it.

Listen to “El Cumbanchero” as performed by Desi Arnaz.

Tutankhamen: I’d like to point out that just because my potential sister is accidentally hilarious, doesn’t mean she’s lost her edge. Doesn’t mean I’m not still Tutankhamen.

Jeffrey Epstein: So…she’s trying to spiritually dance with…profound evil. As a Christian.

A man from the 1950’s: How’s she doing?

God: WELL!

Desi Arnaz: Lucy was the same way, which is why it was funny. They don’t even break a sweat.

Satan: I’m not pure evil. I loved “I Love Lucy”.

I’m also quite good at entertainment. And art.

Another reader: So!

Lucy amuses you?

Satan: *Laughs, smiles and nods.*

Lilith is my best bet. Lucy is like Lilith, too. Just think about it.

I-

I don’t actually go as evil as some people are being today.

Not really.

A female reader: What is Lacey doing?

Desi Arnaz: *Thinks.*

Listen to “I Come From New York” by Desi Arnaz.

She’s genuinely trying to dance with…pure evil.

Erin: LACEY! STOP!! *She yells.*

*But Lacey is too busy dancing and focusing on “not losing the game”…to hear Erin. Almost exactly like Lucy Ricardo.”

Satan: Yeah.

Ethel Kennedy. If Ethel had good boobs. And Bobby was honest. He wasn’t much.

I’m sorry.

Fred Mertz Junior is running the country’s food supply.

At best.

Bad meat? To save money? Watch the episodes in Italy.

And that’s a compliment.

And if Joe Junior could fly a plane. Like Elliott. And…if Joe Junior actually cared about Lacey…and-

Nevermind.

It’s Lem. Ricky is Lem. Not Jack.

Jack never really worried about money. Ricky does. And Ricky was right a lot too.

That show…is me. I fell. I wasn’t created worthless and evil.

Jeffrey Epstein: Yeah.

She’s that big.

So was Elliott Roosevelt.

Get a clue.

Look…what’s she doing? She’s dancing.

Pamela Cisneros: I’m thee Pamela Cisneros.

This is real.

Take it or leave it.

It’s art.

But this post? It’s also real.

…What’s she doing? The holy version of what I was trying to do.

Is she doing better?

*She laughs.*

Yes.

I’ll admit it.

What are we doing? Huh!

See…I was trying to be…like…an evil superhero. Like a super villain.

She’s…not.

*She dances to the song. It’s a good song.*

A female reader: So…she’s supposed to have lived in New York City with Lem?

Satan: YES!

The song ends.