A man from the 1960’s: Do you hate Jack?
Lacey: *I laugh*
*I think*
I knew him from Choate.
A man from the 1960’s: So did I.
Lacey: Oh! So you found him charming?
A man from the 1960’s: *Thinks*
No.
No. …You’re right.q
*Thinks*
Do you think he’s attractive?
Lacey: *Smiles*
Do you?
Listen to “Army Dreamers” by Kate Bush.
A man from the 1960’s: No.
*He cries*
I’m a poor kid. I’m from Pennsylvania. But I’m not Lem.
He was…two years older.
No. I didn’t find him attractive.
Lacey: Who easily could? He’s hideous. At least, until he’s older.
Yuck.
A man from the 1960’s: *Laughs*
Lacey: Was it his clothes? Why did he suddenly look so much better?
A man from the 1960’s: *Thinks*
Yes. And he gained weight.
Lacey: That’s all!? That’s a dramatic transformation.
A man from the 1960’s: *Thinks*
Mostly.
He also aged well.
Lacey: Did you?
A man from the 1960’s: Yes.
Lacey: Good.
Why are you so depressed?
A man from the 1960’s: You’re Lem’s wife. We did a HORRIBLE thing to you.
Lacey: *And that…she goes to Ancient Egypt and TAKES OVER THE U.S..
Just for kicks.
Cuts off Jack’s head. Crushes his skull with her foot. Bursting it into mush.
Then she throws the rest into Hell. Letting it burn.*
What an annoying man.
Listen to “Hot Blooded” by New Constellations.
Satan: Having fun…she goes into Hell and rips his body to pieces.
Then, delightfully, she-
No.
Lacey.
No.
*He grabs Jack and starts flinging him around, smacking him into walls.*
*Lacey cracks-up, laughing.*
Lacey: Except. Now what?
That’s not good enough.
He was trying to steal my soul.
And even if he didn’t…he got WAY too close.
Satan: *Thinks*
Did you cut off his head because of Marilyn? And the other dead girls he killed? Through suicide-sexual violence.
Lacey: Yes.
He’s a worm, at best. I’d like to squish him for eternity. Like…the only true worm to ever exist.
Actual worms are quite nice.
Satan: No.
We need a better punishment.
*He thinks*
Lacey: Is this too much to ask? I’m sure you’re quite busy.
Satan: No!
It’s fun.
*He thinks*
3:16
3:42
God: *cries*
Lacey: I’d like to slap you.
God: Perfectly reasonable? But don’t.
Lacey: Well.
Why did you create Jack?
God: Are you more offended for you or them?
Lacey: *Thinks*
Listen to “Maps” by STRFKR.
Lacey: What if I LIE?
You’ll break?
God: No.
Lacey: Oh! I’m sorry.
Are you offended?
Oh! I forgot. I’m not supposed to test you.
God: No.
Lacey: What’s wrong? Why can’t I hear you? You seem WEAK.
God: Evil is silencing me.
Lacey: THEN FIX IT!!!
God: Yeah. You’re right.
A group of DUMB dead people: *Scream in horror as they realize that evil, has limits.*
Lacey: Are you okay?
Satan: Yes.
I just can’t decide…
Marilyn (dead for the first five minutes): Lacey Banks? Oh.
Oh.
…Wait.
She’s in Hell. With Satan!?? …Deciding on how to torture Jack!?
*She races down to Hell*
Lacey! HE CAN FEEL IT!
Lacey: *Lacey stares at Marilyn*
I thought he’d ceased to exist.
Marilyn: *Jack’s beheaded body on the ground at their feet. Satan staring at it.*
No.
He did-
No. You get it…-
But, that’s still him…-
Lacey: No.
God: No.
This is in the past.
Lacey: I didn’t completely understand that.
Marilyn: That’s what I thought.
Lacey: Thank you.
*She turns to God*
I’m sorry.
Satan: No.
It’s fair.
He completely deserved it.
God: He deserves worse.
Bobby: *Twerks, mindlessly, grinning, in 2026*
Lacey: Is he in Hell?
God: No.
And…he’s barely conscious. But he’s somewhat aware.
This is…his purgatory.
Lacey: *Stares with Marilyn Monroe and Satan and God at the beheaded body of JFK, in a suit.*
Listen to “Midnight City” by M83.
Lacey: *Stares and thinks*
The song ends.
They’re all still stumped.
Especially in light of what happened at Cornell.
Bobby: *Unaware, still twerks, in his living-room. Trying to stay fit and seduce demons and Cheryl…and who knows who else.*
Lacey: Them.
God: Yeah.
And how would you solve it?
Lacey: I’d give-up.
I’d completely give-up on Lem.
Let him do whatever he wants.
…I want real love. Not this…
I’d just…keep looking. Or I’d just-
God: What about Satan?
Lacey: He’s Satan.
God: True.
Lacey: Are you dumb?
God: I-
Listen to “Hot Blooded” by New Constellations.
God: No.
You’re still Lem’s. But…you’re also right. …Given what you know…you should just give-up on him.
Why do you not???
Lacey: Because…he seems to disagree. And so do you.
God: That’s pathetic.
Lacey: On my part?
God: No.
I can’t-
Listen to “Tearing Me Up” by Bob Moses.
Marilyn: Okay.
He’s going to…do push-ups. Desperately–
Lacey: Can we clone him?
Fifteen other women: *Want clones*
1:25
*They fling JFK around. Smacking him into walls. Cutting him into pieces.
Jumping on his body.
Burning him.
Satan isn’t impressed. Although he almost liked Marilyn’s idea.*
2:56
Lacey: Wait!
He can feel all of this?
God: Yes.
Lacey: I can’t decide what to do.
4:08
God: I can.
*He hands JFK to Satan*
4:55
Satan: *Sends Jack flying in the air. On “an electrical high”. Jack looks terrified.*
6:11
Lacey: Why…is he scared?
God: He’s not cognitively able to process it. It’s not possible on Earth.
The song ends.
Listen to “Before I Fall” by Bob Moses.
Lacey: I forgot. This is different.
Satan: *Nods*
Lacey: I can’t stand what you did.
That’s not my castle.
That’s not my home.
That’s not mine.
Lem: And the Illuminati keeps insisting it’s a monumental to my love for him.
Lacey: To your profoundly superior sex life.
Lem: I never made him cum the way I would have wanted. He was too dumb to have that kind of orgasm from sex.
Lacey: That’s not what the building is telling us.
Elliott: FUCK YOU!!!!
*He yells at Lem, punching him in the face.*
Eleanor Roosevelt: Hold on.
Let me…be-
Just…-
What if…we’re trusting ourselves?
Just trust yourself.
Lacey: *Looks around the building*
Bobby: STOP THE WOMEN!!
KILL THEM ALL!!!
JUST SLAUGHTER THEM ALLL!!!!
A woman protesting outside the Kennedy Center: *Thinks*
Gee…Bobby Kennedy Junior is hot.
Eleanor Roosevelt: Well?
Lacey: There’s no way Lem loved Jack.
Eleanor: I see what you mean.
Really.
What else?
Lacey: I almost think he purposefully ruined this building to make a joke.
Eleanor: He did.
He was bad at it. But…he also didn’t do his best.
A Congressman: What!?
Eleanor: I realized that Jack was a homosexual before a lot of people did. I knew he was a homosexual before he ever even met Lem.
This is the problem with history at the moment. You act like you have all of the facts when you don’t have them and you’re going to have to be accountable for that whether you like it or not, because it’s real. 
I could tell that he wasn’t really putting in all of his effort. It isn’t that nice of a building. He made mistakes I know he did. Lem made mistakes, but it’s not just mistakes. He actually purposefully didn’t try that hard at times.
One of the mistakes that he made that I can definitely point to, are the seats themselves. These seats that he okayed? Because that is what happened. Look it up! I dare you! Go look it up.
He was the one that double-checked, at the very least, whether or not the seats were acceptable. He either organized the purchase of the seats or he double-checked them to make sure that they were acceptable.  And you should take this as proof that I’m a real ghost and that I can talk to you if you can find that, that he may have double-checked them or organized the purchase of them to begin with. Because Lacey has no way of knowing that. I really doubt.
He didn’t care. They’ve been squeaky and uncomfortable from the very beginning. Not everyone would say that. But I say that, and I’m Eleanor Roosevelt and believe me, I know what an auditorium can look like if it really is grand.
These were never nice seats. They’ve always just been so awkward. There’s something really awkward about these seats. And I’ve actually always intuited that he didn’t really try. They’re not terrible necessarily, but they’re really bad relatively speaking and that’s not like him. He knew what was good and what was bad and I could tell that he either didn’t even care or he purposefully just let them order whatever they wanted and didn’t really try to make sure that it was actually good. 
A reader: Wow.
But then who ordered them? That person would’ve known.
Eleanor: You know a lot of people don’t.
And you know that and you guys have been lying about that for the last 10 years just because Lacey happened to confront you with the truth about the fact that she has better taste than you. So no a lot of people really don’t have great taste and they were relying on him for a reason.
Lacey: *Looks at the seats*
I mean, they are velvet. But they’re not really very sturdy looking.
Eleanor: No they’re not they look pretty cheap to be honest don’t they?
Lacey: Yeah. I would not have expected them to be so cheap with the seats themselves.
Eleanor: Yes.
Lacey: *Thinks*
So… that really is actually kind of insulting.
Eleanor: Yes!
Except I know that Lem was in charge of that. And I don’t think he meant to be insulting. I don’t think he meant to imply that Democrats were poor idiots who were gullible and being used by the Democratic Party.
Lacey: So you don’t think he was trying to imply that?
Eleanor: No!
I actually don’t think he meant to. I think he thought it would be funny and I don’t think that anyone got it. And I think that’s why there’s a picture of him sitting in the seats because he actually did help purchase them.
Lacey: OK.
I have no idea what to say right now.
Bobby: I’m not interested in hearing.
A reader: I don’t understand Bobby why if you never had any sexual contact with this man and it was just a bunch of people telling you that he was in love with you you believed that he was in love with you.
Bobby: Well… I thought I was better than everyone. And I thought that if I found him attractive… that probably meant he was madly in love with me. Because that’s how the man in my family think. That’s how the men in my family are.
And I am realizing that that’s not really real. And part of how I’m realizing that is that I’m getting old and I’m finding women attractive and they’re not interested and it’s really shocking. Some still are but there are quite a few who think I just look awful and I have had to realize that that’s that’s actually really what they’re thinking. But old habits die hard. I’m a diagnosed narcissist, and I just can’t get it through my head. I just really thought that he was in love with me because I found him attractive, and I was of the opinion that as a straight, normal, decent, charming young man that probably meant that he was gaga for me to the point of obsession and I needed to be careful.
He wasn’t really obsessed with me. He was my drug dealer and he was trying to kill me. And I think he also may have been trying to help me. I don’t know if he was trying to kill me and help me. I’m not sure what he was doing.
But we never had any sexual contact and I have a feeling there is an explanation for why he kept showing/up and obviously part of it is that I was getting drugs from him, but I don’t think it was just that. 
A reader: So-
You know that he was straight and you’re lying about it. 
Bobby: Yes. I do know that in the back of my head somewhere I’ve known that since he died, but you have no idea that peer pressure that I’ve been under to bullshit people.
I have been bullied by the people who control my money and my food and my entire life since I was 14 to say what they want me to say about everything. And obviously I can control them ultimately so I’m not innocent, but there is a lot of pressure to just go along with whatever anyone tells you to say when you’re in a situation like mine. So people had a vested interest in thinking he was gay. 
I mean, there were a lot of people who would’ve been really offended, including Gore Vidal, if I had come out with the truth. These were very touchy, fairly intelligent, old gays. So I was expected to tell them what they wanted to hear.
And even if I knew based on things that he said to me that he was probably straight I I decided that I had to just go with it. A lot of of us are like that.
So yeah, a lot of this historical evidence is just bullshit. And it makes sense to me that he never wrote any sexy letters to Jack that accidentally were kept and he didn’t. There really isn’t anything that’s actually proof that there was really any sexual relationship at all.
I mean, there is sort of proof, but it’s mostly just conjecture. I know that something happened and I think any rational person could probably say that, but to be honest with you I already I already knew. I knew him. I knew he was straight-
I just I don’t care. I’m messed up and it’s just how it is.
I mean my wives expected me to make sense in the same way that you are and I’m sorry but good luck.
But no to be perfectly honest with you no. I do cheat. I still occasionally use some sort of substance and yeah, I knew them was straight.
A reader: Okay.
Why are you letting her read you so well? This is really embarrassing to you.
Bobby: I don’t have a choice.

A reader: Why.?
Bobby: Ha!
You expect me to figure that out right now?
Wow!
OK, let’s see. I’ll grow by 50 billion years and answer your question-
OK-
She’s just here.
A reader: Why?
Bobby: Because there was a group of people who decided to attack her.
A reader: SERIOUSLY??
Bobby: Two of her cousins who were well-off with girlfriends or wives, who had children, committed suicide!
I am sorry, but this is why I’m a republican now, you people are fucking idiots.
No, I’m sorry you can walk-off you dumb bitch but I’m sorry I don’t feel sorry for you anymore. You’re a fucking retard.
A reader: *walks off in a huff.*
Bobby: Wow.
I’m sorry, but it’s been obvious that that’s what’s happening. She’s obviously been attacked. And jacked-up hoes like that woman have no clue what’s going on at all.
Another reader: What?
Bobby: You seriously think I would let this happen to me? She’s attacking the Illuminati in self-defense. I’m attacking her because I’m evil. How are you people so dense? 
Another reader: I guess we just assumed that it was about liberty and justice and the people versus evils.
Bobby: *Laughs*
Do you wanna go to her house and shoot her and her whole family?
Another reader: Not now.
Bobby: Okay.
How did you finally realize that she’s actually being antagonized?
Another reader: Well… it’s just after a while. It’s like when do you stop making mistakes Bobby? I know people who have been personally affected by the mistakes that you’ve made and the Kennedy Center was closed and we’re at war with Iran and it’s just getting a little weird to me now.
Bobby: Huh.
Why did you assume that she was so evil?
A reader: Because no one tells people that they’re old money, not like that.
Bobby: Okay.
*he shrugs*
A reader: That was an incredibly mean thing to do. That was an incredibly mean thing to do! That was incredibly awful.
Jeffrey Epstein: And you’ve let me off the hook? You guys don’t go around shunning us? Why did you decide that saying that on a blog was more evil than eating a baby?
A reader: Because…-
*Thinks*
I guess I just thought that it was really awful. It’s like I just don’t understand how you could be so awful.
Whereas, eating a baby? Well, that’s cannibalism. I’m not cannibal. I-I don’t engage in that activity.
Satan: WHAT!?
