Jonah: I have thoughts.
Lacey: Like what?
Jonah: You’re communicating…subtextually…all of the time.
Right?
God: Upper class men, Jonah, don’t do that as much, if ever.  And women, who are actually women, almost never do. 
Which is why in the past women like Lacey were seducible because there was an innate vulnerability. And they understood that about themselves. It’s not that she doesn’t have thoughts, but she doesn’t share them with you. They’re not for you. And it would take a very stable marriage to get into those thoughts. It’s very hard to get into a woman’s head and men used to understand that. But they’re not stupider, and actually men who are wealthy used to take advantage of that more easily than men who were poor despite what you might think, because they understood the nature of feminine conversation better. 
Casi: So I’m more like a guy than Lacey?
Satan: YUP!
*he laughs*
Casi: So we really don’t know what the hell she was thinking. But…do we even care??
God: Actually, not necessarily. Not necessarily all that much. Which is why the Illuminati has been able to tantalize you with lies about her. Using the demonic. It’s vastly more exciting than the truth.
She’s not dull! But how fascinating do you find random people in graveyards? Be honest. Unless they have a cool headstone or it’s a hobby? You’re not that interested.
A narcissist: So…she didn’t just sleep around?
God: No! She did not.
You’re too bored by the truth to accept it.
Jim: Well, I could’ve told you that! *he rolls his eyes*
Lacey: Yeah. That bit about the psychological hardships of 2000’s movie stars was probably the most exciting thing I’ve written. Recently. The rest is just defending my character.
A Millennial: What happened? Translated?
God: She agreed to write the U.S. Presidential speeches. A truly Millennial woman? Like her? Would have agreed to write the U.S. President’s speeches, or edit them. For free. No credit given. To protect herself.
That’s really all that happened. You can get angry at her about it. You can get mad that she didn’t “stand up for herself more” but…that’s what she did.
A Millennial: Did she put things in the speech that were…sneaky?
God: Yes! And it was all brilliant and decent.
A Millennial: Did JFK write his most famous speech?
God: Of course not.
A Millennial: I thought he wrote all his most famous speeches.
*in shock*
God: No. He absolutely did not.
Bobby: Don’t BELIEVE him!! JFK was…an excellent leader. He’d never have let that happen. No.
God: So he was an exception?
Bobby: No.
God: So then Presidential speech writers don’t exist? Or he wrote them all and his writers edited them? Or he worked with them? Tirelessly?
Bobby: The last one! He worked like a dog. Constantly. He rarely ever rested.
*he grins*
He was an amazing man!
God: That’s a lie.
Bobby: No! You’re the liar!!!!
My Uncle Jack was…a tireless campaigner.
Bethany: He had no tires?
Bobby: What!?
Bethany: No tires?
Bobby: *Thinks*
What?
Bethany: He was a no tire campaigner. He was tireless.
Bobby: *Thinks*
Yes?
Bethany: Got it. He has no tires.
Bobby: *Thinks*
Wait what!?!?
*he turns to his buddies and asks for clarification*
Oh!
What!?!
*he turns to his buddies again for more clarification*
No.
*he turns to his buddies again for clarification*
Ha! Funny.
No.
You’re a BITCH!
Bethany: I didn’t ruin the Kennedy Center.
By the way.
I didn’t even know there was any issue with it at all. I don’t pay attention to that stuff. Sorry!
Bobby: I didn’t-
Lacey is a Nesheim. I refuse to believe she’s Tom Banks’s daughter.
And…-
No. It’s genetic. And YOU, my dear, are just as clairvoyant and politically motivated as she is. Ha! You can’t fool me.
*he laughs*
Bethany: I’m not-
No. I’m sorry.
I had nothing to do with the Kennedy Center closing. I’m sorry!
Caroline: It’s not permanent.
*she laughs*
It’s just for the next two years!
Bobby: No. It’s not.
Caroline: No. It’s temporary.
Bobby: FUCK YOU!
No. It’s not.
Caroline: Bobby. It’s not permanent.
*she smiles*
Bobby: You are not right.
I KNOW it’s PERMANENT.
Caroline: It’s not.
Bobby: Well.
Well.
You can take it. I don’t want this anymore. I’m done with the Kennedy Center.
Caroline: What!?
Bobby: I’m using psychology.
Who are you being seduced by? You’re a hottie.
Who’s your lover?
Caroline: It’s temporary.
Bobby, it’s just temporary. It’ll reopen and everything will be as it should be.
Bobby: FUCK YOU!!!
FUCK…-
FUCK YOU!!!
Caroline: Huh.
Okay, Bobby.
I love you too.
Bobby: TUCKER!! Let’s fuck.
Tucker: Bobby, I am a married man.
We’ve had this conversation.
Bobby: No.
NO!!!
It’s OPEN!
IN THE NAME OF JESUS!!!
THE KENNEDY CENTER WILL REOPEN…IN THE NAME OF JESUS!!!
*he starts trying to speak in tongues*
A Liberal Democrat (female) lawmaker: Bobby. Should you be working for him?
Bobby: *laughs and then cries*
A Liberal Democrat (female) lawmaker: You started working for him, because you’re obsessed with the idea of Lem.
Bobby: I want to be Lacey. And be taken care of by him.
A Liberal Democrat (female) lawmaker: Why him?
Bobby: Because he’s so in love with her.
And I want that.
I want what they have.
I’ve never seen anything I like more. Ever.
A Liberal Democrat (female) lawmaker: And you want to be pretty just like she is?
Bobby: Yes.
It’s exactly right.
A Liberal Democrat (female) lawmaker: So you’re trying to steal life itself from the Scottish aristocracy?
Bobby: But no. Because it’s Lem.
She’s-
A Liberal Democrat (female) lawmaker: No!!!
He loves her. More?
Bobby: Yes.
So what!? I can easily make him love me more! I’m a GENIUS at that stuff.
A Liberal Democrat (female) lawmaker: But she can’t be you. That’s not at all possible.
Bobby: So then what’s Lem!?
A Liberal Democrat (female) lawmaker: Well. What is Lem?
Bobby: If she’s completely gone?
A Liberal Democrat (female) lawmaker: YEAH!
Bobby: Oh.
*he laughs*
I don’t think Jack and I thought that through.
A Liberal Democrat (female) lawmaker: Yeah.
I think it’s a good idea to rethink your plan.
Bobby: *thinks*
But she’s with him!
God: Doesn’t matter!
Bobby: Women exist. I guess.
I forget that, sometimes.
*he smiles*
God: “Could I be me?“ is what you should be saying.
Bobby: I’m not okay.
I want to be her.
And you can’t talk me and Jack out of it.
God: It won’t work.
Bobby: I’ll use Don Junior.
Don Sr.: No. You won’t.
His guards will kill you. And your whole family, if necessary.
Bobby: Well GOOD!
Because then I can go fuck Lem!
Don Sr.: Okay.
I doubt that will happen. But-
*he shrugs*
Bobby: Well, well, well. It’s time to fuck Lem.
Caroline: Are you going to go die?
Bobby: I dunno.
I’m thinking about it.
