Lacey: Let’s do one last one of these.
Okay.
What is this business with the whole… “Why’d you do it?” thing?
The male hater from before: I was hurt.
Lacey: Could you have not taken it hurtfully?
The male hater from before: No. I came from a poor family.
We had money, compared to some people. But…I couldn’t afford braces on my teeth.
Lacey: Did you get them later?
The male hater from before: Yes.
Lacey: *nods*
Her orthodontist: Is it possible she was just too intellectual?
The male hater from before: Possibly.
Lem: You grew-up middle class.
Lacey: So… *she thinks*
Okay… what did I do?
The male hater from before: It’s just- It was just hurtful.
Lem: But you all were being literal bullies, thieves and stalkers.
The FBI: That’s true…
What Lem is saying to you, is accurate.
Lucy: *cups her hands together, over her mouth*
The male hater from the perfume community: You know, even if… it was totally justified… I think it was still too controversial.
God: Why?
None of you ever explain why.
The male hater from the perfume community: Because…-
*he thinks*
I can’t tell you. Because if I do, I feel incredibly inferior. Because we are the problem.
A lawyer: You all committed a felony.
And as brilliant and insightful and informative as you all portray yourselves as being… there’s nothing wrong, morally, with being blunt.
She was genuinely just blunt. That’s all.
And none of you could handle it. So you conspired against her, and slandered her, and sadistically harassed and attacked her.
Lacey: I’m just shocked you all took it so seriously.
I really was just being blunt.
Lem: We want to apologize, can you help us understand what it is that hurt?
A female hater: It was-
I couldn’t handle it. Fine.
Lacey: You didn’t expect me to ever stand-up for myself? All those years?
A female hater: I don’t think I can handle the fact that you are the one who is being harassed. Because I’ve told myself my whole life that I was morally superior to “rich people”. It’s just all too painful-
The lawyer: How was she supposed to realize that!?!
Lacey: Yeah!
That’s YOUR perspective.
A female hater: I can’t even handle that.
The FBI: Then what’s she supposed to do? You’re completely impossible, and you’re thinking about nothing and no one but yourself.
Lucy: You guys are such morons.
I’m sorry.
*later*
Lacey: You all will recover with me gone.
Regardless.
Right?
Marsie: Don’t you care?
Lem: We can’t read your tone.
Marsie: I’m not serious.
Lem: Then how do you mean to say that?
Marsie: Nevermind.
Lacey: What should I be sorry for?
Lem: She said “nevermind”.
Lacey: Got it.
Okay, so… you’ll all be fine. Right? It’s not like you’d have been better off taking me seriously as a person and just being… smart?
Casi: *smirks*
Yeah! WE WOULD HAVE.
We actually relied on you for a lot of inspiration.
Lacey: But, you’ll be fine?
The perfume industry: NO!
No, we won’t be.
Lacey: Well, darn.
*later*
A hater: Wait… so why were you so nice?
Lacey: When?
A hater: Years ago.
Lacey: When?
A hater: At the beginning.
Lacey: Because, I am nice.
A hater: Yeah…-
Lacey: *rolls her eyes*
What conspiracy theory do you have?
I’m sensing you have a conspiracy theory.
A hater: Whatcha drinking tonight?
Lacey: Ice water.
I rarely drink.
I may have Merlot later. Just a glass. At most.
A hater: What did you eat for dinner?
Lacey: Homemade mashed potatoes! I was proud of myself tonight.
Gravy.
Steak.
Salmon.
And peas.
A hater: And ice water???
Lacey: Yes! It’s actually quite good!
A hater: You use broth?
Lacey: Flour and Better Than Bouillon. Lately. It’s just…cost-effective and fun. I prefer using broth.
A hater: And-
Lacey: Oh! And garlic powder and salt and pepper.
A hater: And-
Lacey: With a whisk.
A hater: You actually prefer drippings.
Lacey: True!
A hater: *thinks*
Who hired you? The CIA? The FBI?
Oh! And here are other theories: Iran, Columbia, Indonesia, Germany…-
Lem: *snickers*
I helped assassinate JFK.
A hater: …Jeffrey Epstein… Russia, Pakistan… or possibly the Bush family.
Putin: What if she was my lover? Before all this happened?
Lem: *laughs*
They’d never ever think of that.
Lacey: I’m going to go get ice cream.
Lem, I’m not ugly…
Lem: I know.
But they hate thinking you’re who you actually are. They hate it.
The female hater: *thinks*
Putin: What if I hired her?
*later*
A hater: Why did you eat steak?
Lacey: It’s good food.
A hater from the perfume community: Do you often eat steak?
Lacey: No.
I wasn’t hired by anyone. I was really just in the community for the fun of it.
Another hater: When did they hire you to destroy us?
Lem: *laughing with Lacey*
I helped assassinate JFK.
Lacey: They never did!
You all did that to yourselves.
Lem: *laughing hysterically*
Lacey: No one hired me to do anything to any of you. Ever.
If anything, I’ve been trying to protect you.
There are people who wanted to kill people. I’m- I’m dead serious, about five years ago someone wanted to kill Casi, and I told them that I didn’t think that was necessary. 
A hater: No. Someone hired you!
Lacey: No! No one hired me.
I figured out what they were doing slowly, over time.
A reader: you guys aren’t really reading with the conscience it’s sad. I really am starting to get angry because it’s really making me angry at like these people in the community and then I think we’ll hold on how much have I read unrelated to perfume with just as much common sense as these people have–
But no, she was not hired by anybody I can almost guarantee you. It’s been mystifying to her for years. I’ve been watching her for years now yeah you guys are really delusional. This woman actually had an audience cause she’s actually a creative and you’ve destroyed your community by destroying any sort of trust or face she had in any of you even the industry itself. You guys just stabbed her in the back you guys are pathetic pathetic people it’s it’s obvious that no one hired her. It’s obvious two people are just absolute idiots and nerds and that you really don’t deserve to have even met this person. 
Yet another hater: So…
You’re just a good person.
Great.
*rolls her eyes*
What you guys can’t accept is her gender and sexuality, ironically. It’s too old school.
He used her. Mmkay? He USED her.
Putin…used her.
Casi: Then there’s nothing to sink my fangs into.
Yet Another hater: I hear you.
But girl… that’s what’s REAL.
Casi: But if he used her she’s actually hot. And straight.
A male hater: I’ve altered her image over the years. Using AI. And I love that…
I tell myself it’s real.
I suppose it might not be…
Another reader: OH FUCK!!!!
You people are SO… STUPID!!!
FUCK!!!
Lem: I helped shoot JFK.
Lacey: *laughs*
Maureen: *finally*
You actually did?
Lem: Yes.
Lacey: That’s it. I’m getting wine.
I’m on a diet and I just ate a peanut butter sandwich on a bun, a mug of whole milk, and added a mini Snickers to my ice cream…
Oh well. I’ll just keep hacking away at it.
I’ve lost three pounds. Since I started.
Lem: She weighs 157.
Lacey: It went back up. Oh well. I was stressed.
A hater in the perfume community: What did you eat today!?!
Maureen: Does she sound more threatening than I do?
God: You barely sound interested.
Lacey: Overnight oats. Hot tea and milk. Homemade baked macaroni and cheese, and healthy chicken nuggets with ketchup and an iced glass of Diet Coke.
A hater: Which tea?
Lacey: Earl grey.
*gets her glass of Merlot*
Alisha: Proper wine glass?
Lacey: Yes!
Lem: What did you drink that night I killed you, to finally make love?
Lacey: I was drunk. You wanted me, in that condition?
Lem: You were pretty.
Lacey: Burgundy? …I think it was Burgundy.
Lem: It was.
Where’d you find the bottle in the house?
An American: Why are we ignoring him?
Lacey: By the the-
*she thinks*
I pulled it off the top row?
Lem: Near the wall or near the window?
Lacey: Near the-
Wall.
Lem: That was a mix of Burgundy and something you want to call Shiraz.
Lacey: YES!!!
Lem: You had a maid help you.
When did you start drinking?
Lacey: Around 3 PM.
Lem: How much of the bottle had you finished by the time you died?
Lacey: 3/4.
Lem: Yeah!
Lacey: I was still up and walking around.
In Mayfair.
At night.
Jim: Jack? Now, how did you never notice that he wasn’t gay?
You really never noticed?
God: He assumed a lot.
But he also knew. And he manipulated Lem into never figuring it out for himself.
He knew, some. And he kept saying things and doing things to further confuse him and harm him.
Jim: How did he figure it out?
God: He heard Lem talking about women. And he knew it wasn’t possible he could not be attracted to them, at all.
Jim: I’m in my late 70’s. And I have good memory. Some of the things Lem said seem very straight. They just aren’t things a gay man back then would ever say. I’m sorry…
David: Like what!?
Jim: The comment about nuns. And sex.
*he laughs*
God.: this is Lacey‘s father who raised her. He’s old money. He’s got an IQ about 126. He’s in his late 70s and in the past he has identified as gay. I would not talk to him about this unless if you wanna know the actual truth, Lacey already knows but you’re not going to find anything from him. That’s gonna make you feel better it’s gonna make you angry.
Jim: Why would a gay man… be thinking about women?!
A gay man: *Gets angry, and then hesitates*
Crap.
He’s right.
Jim, I-
Lem: I wasn’t a top. Nor a bottom.
I was just a mess. And Jack just didn’t care. He was…different.
Hey. I’m here. Come at me.
I’m so sick of you people.
Go ahead!
A few gay men try having sex with him: *doesn’t work*
Lacey: Well never-mind.
That’s ugly. And it doesn’t even work.
God: True.
A female hater: Why doesn’t it work?
Lem: I don’t want it. Never did.
A gay man: So you want me to fight you?
Lem: Yup.
You should be honest. You hate me.
You hate both of us. You hate what we are.
And what is that?
A lesbian: Combined? You’re a lesbian bitch?
Lacey: *laughs*
Lem: *smiles*
No.
We’re something else.
Lacey: Yeah. We are.
Don’t take my laughter the wrong way. I laughed a lot more for Bill.
Lem: True.
I’m not sure it was all that though.
Maureen: So you helped assassinate JFK?!
Lem: Yes.
Part of why I was so depressed was because I felt incredibly guilty.
I wore Brooks Brothers. And was proud of America. Then that ended.
I had a sense of style, but it wasn’t gay. By the way.
I used to collect wine. If there’s reincarnation.
My whole family did.
Lacey: Well! Let’s get somewhere.
Ask him questions.
Maureen: …
Lacey: I’ll ask.
Where did you meet?
Lem: In the White House.
Behind Jack’s back.
Lacey: Did Jackie know?
Lem: No.
None of his family did.
Lacey: How many of you were involved?
Lem: 10.
Ten men.
All over the age of 40.
Lacey: How many months did it take?
Lem: It took 30 years to develop the idea. They’d wanted most of the family dead by the late 1930’s. The plan I was involved in was orchestrated over a year and a half.
Maureen: *hears Lacey laughing*
Is this funny to you?
Lacey: YES! Because no one seems interested.
People can’t shut up about it. Or haven’t been able to, traditionally. For decades.
And then here I am…talking to one of the actual killers, and you don’t care, AT ALL!
*she laughs*
Lem: What else?
A reader: She’s right. It is weird.
Yet another reader: You know I almost think you guys are controlling us, because I’m actually interested and now that someone said something I feel more interested. why don’t you want us to talk about this? It was a long time ago. The people involved are all dead. I have a feeling there’s absolutely no evidence, so what’s the problem?
*later*
An Italian American: I actually I’m interested.
Was Frank Sinatra-
Lem: Yes.
An Italian American: Frank Sinatra was one of the ten men?
Lem: Yes.
Lacey: That actually is surprising.
I thought he was friends with Jack too.
Lem: He was, until Jack betrayed him one too many times.
Lacey: What was the final straw?
Lem: Jack worked for the same group of hoodlums. But Frank knew the men. JFK started gossiping about Jack, everywhere. Potentially destroying Frank’s reputation and his…entire life.
Frank was bisexual, but he preferred women. I was known as a weirdo. But that’s because I was actually straight.
Frank knew I had a crush on several women. He asked me about one of them. He said, “Why do let Jack control you like that?”
And I had no good answer.
He asked me what was the deal with Marilyn. I told him she was a dish.
A reader: Why didn’t you sleep with her?
Lem: *smirks*
You’re too dumb. I’d tell you, but you’re too dumb.
Maureen: We don’t like it.
Matt Weiner: I do.
Lacey, tell us.
David Lynch: I’ll help.
