Yes. If Lacey hadn’t married Mark…she’d be dead by now. Yes. Dead.
She started her thyroid medication at age 29. But she’d have had a heart attack that killed her by 2018. The reason her thyroid was checked and diagnosed as having partially died…so to speak…was because of the birth of her first child, her son. If she’d not had her son…she’d not have been properly diagnosed. And she’d be dead by now.
Why? Lack of love. Heartache. …In her case. …Many times when Lacey has been in the most excruciating psychological pain she’s felt it in her throat. A weird…sort of…tingling. Like…something is being numbed in her throat. …And you see…if she didn’t take her medicine she’d die. So…for her…modern science is literally preventing her death from…lifelong heartache. …And…unlike some people who are taking such medication…she’s actually dead. She’s actually slightly died. It didn’t…malfunction. She died slightly. That was a manifestation of her actual death, which is referenced in other posts.
God has chosen to honor that death to some degree.
So…right around the time her thyroid would have killed her…she started experiencing the supernatural. Vividly. …It’s not schizophrenia. She’s seeing…ghosts. And we do exist.
I’m Lem Billings. Thee Kirk LeMoyne Billings. And yes, as Cyrus said, I was and am a straight cis man.
Yup. Believe it or not. I was actually straight.
I wish someone had clued her in. Because she would never have slept with anyone else…had she known I’d love her. Really love her. …But…nope.
So…I’ve had to watch men who are mad at me…sleep with her. And…it’s extremely tragic for both of us.
…In a way…it’s like it never happened. Much like in a way I never gave men head. Or anyone else. …But…a misunderstanding doesn’t make it less painful that it happened at all. So now I have to live with both my ugly life and this. I’m NOT…HAPPY.
“Except I did meet you! And you seemed…gay.” says Doris Kearns Goodwin.
“OH REALLY, DORIS?” says Lem. “Based on what…DORIS?”
“You think I have a stupid name?” she says.
He laughs. “BASED ON WHAT…DORIS?”
She acts very hurt.
Lem waits.
“Based on what? MS. Kearns-Goodwin?” says Lem.
She acts VERY hurt.
He waits.
“Your voice!” she says.
“What about my voice?” he says.
She rolls her eyes. Guffaws. Snarls. Rolls her eyes again. “Ahhh…it was…effeminate? You minced words.”
Lem thinks. “Oh! You mean I sounded really gay? …No. I didn’t. Listen to an actual recording of me. …I did try mincing words. Eventually. I picked that one up in the 1960’s. …It sounded fun. …And gay. …But no. I NEVER sounded authentic.” he says.
She looks mad. Stares at the ground. Fuming.
“But you did sound gay!” she says, emphatically as if trying to reason with a dumb, evil, orphan child.
“That WAS AN ACT.” says Lem.
“But to me…and I’m no expert…BUT TO ME…YOU SOUNDED GAY.” says Doris.
“Except I wasn’t. …And you suck at figuring this sort of thing out.” says Lem. “Sorry! …I wasn’t gay.”
“I heard your voice though!” she says.
He shrugs. “Did Josh sound less gay than me in Cruel Intentions?”
She takes a deep breath. Rolls her eyes.
“Did he?” says Lem.
“I mean…” she says, rolling her eyes again. Acting very put out. VERY ANNOYED.
“Did he!?!!?” says Lem.
“I DON’T KNOW!!!” she screams as if she’s the victim of horrific bullying.
“Doris. This is your job.” says Lem, calmly.
“You seem gay right now.” she says.
“How?” says Lem.
“You’re…sassy.” she says.
He smirks. “I’m not gay.
Doris…did you really…just admit…that you can’t tell? …And that people like you make shit up?”
She smiles and shakes her head no. “Nope!” she says.
“I think you did!” he says, laughing. “Doris…you did.”
“But you made jokes!” she says.
“Yup. I have a good sense of humor.
I’m straight.” he says. “And I always was.”
“ if this being reincarnation I made a mistake!” says JFK from 1954. Hiding. “ turns out I have been talking to an evil hallucination of Scotia, not Lacey. She’s very convincing, but she a demon fooling me not really, Lacey.”
“ is her impersonation of you actually pretty spot on?” says a comedian.
“ oh, with my Asian accent if the wind carnation yeah that’s pretty close so I sound like yeah?” says JFK.
“It would have to be in the Bible.” says God, to clarify. “Or that’s evil nonsense.”
“Doris…could…I…have been…ACTING???” says Lem.
She thinks. Looks miffed and put out again.
“I mean…technically yes.” she says.
“Right!” says Lem. “So…as I’m being myself…why not believe me?”
“How did you not know!????” she says, doubtful.
“For the reasons I’ve mentioned. Many times.” says Lem.
She sighs. Thinks. “HOW!?”
“How what!??” he says.
“How…did you not…understand!??” she says.
Cyrus rolls his eyes. “Mmmkay. …Why don’t you get it!?? People are still closeted TODAY!!” he says.
She looks offended and dumbfounded. But silenced.
“YEAH!!!” he says. “YEAH!!” He nods his head repeatedly, trying to help her think.
“OK Cyrus you’re right!” says a Hollywood actress.
He smiles and nods as she says it. Then waits.
“I mean you’re right but I don’t understand. I think what she saying is that it seems like he should have known.” she says.
“ I don’t know how I’m not sure how you think he would’ve knowing he was under a misunderstanding about human anatomy, and our brain that was actually very misunderstanding, which is was very understandable, and there was nothing he could do about it he didn’t understand and there was no one safe to talk to you he started figuring it out when he was old and seemingly which triggered a real awakening for him was a pornographic tell him what a pornographic movie near time square in 1980 or 81 I think this is actually actually what happened to him I think this is literally what happened to him next to you gonna stay with him why did he seem gay right before he died? Do you know because it was an act, and he actually might have tried to tone it down slightly in his last year or so of life, but people might not have noticed because it might’ve been subtle. He already occasionally slides into his heterosexuality in conversation. I can hear it, so can Lacey it’s not an act it’s the part of his voice that actually wouldn’t be an act that sound straight everyone has that it’s kind of their actual self so it’s like if you have a pretends to you people can see through it because you accidentally drop it everyone does that who is pretentious they always accidentally drop it but it’s an accident and so he would accidentally drop his homosexuality and it was obvious that that was who he really was when he was acting heterosexual.
You can see it in his pictures. You can hear it in recordings of him and they can see it when he’s on camera he his movements and his voice always slide back into heterosexuality, and it comes as his face is turned away from people or when he’s relaxing or when his sentence is finished, it’s the hidden accidental part of a persons mannerisms. And I’m sure that’s triggering to some people because they want to think that they’re fooling people about any number of things and they’re really not necessarily fooling as many people as they think and that’s not even about homosexuality is it it’s just about you people being full of bullshit if you exist. so what’s interesting is it that’s probably part of why we’re arguing about this because you guys can’t handle the fact that she’s not full of shit and some of you are.
And then I think you thought it would be fun to torture her and it isn’t fun and you guys are just made total assholes of yourselves to pretty much everybody alive, or to have ever lived in God too. No I mean it’s it’s pathetic. I’m horrified for all of you. Then you should be horrified for yourself. This is a heads up. If there’s an illuminati, you guys are made total assholes of yourselves. It’s incredibly embarrassing.
Beyond that so he had a misunderstanding sweetie. He didn’t understand what was going on. He was confused and then when he figured it out it was right before he died and he didn’t want to live because he was so depressed by everything and he was supposed 65, so he already made a deal with himself to die and then he didn’t see any reason to live.
There was no reason to doubt any of this. You guys are obsessed with doubting her and it’s sick. People are obsessed with humbling her and she can’t be more humble. Her confidence is based on like who she actually is just like my height is based on my height. So it’s not really confidence in the way that you guys think of it in America it’s more confidence in the way that like a British person would be confident if they were a bouncer and a pub I’m serious you guys have no fucking clue what you’re looking at with her it’s not a phony confidence and it doesn’t need to be humbled. It’s her personality that she inherited from her father, Tom Banks. And a whole line of people that’s their personality John Ritter had a little bit of that same confidence as you call it it’s their personality that’s not confidence that’s their personality. You guys have thought it was confidence and you keep trying to humble her or hurt her somehow or make fun of her and the sad truth is that she’s actually incredibly brilliant she’s unusual. There’s nothing wrong with her she’s just an extraordinary person and she’s not actually arrogant or overconfident about anything she’s really not I’m sorry.
Quit misunderstanding when people stand up for her when she stands up for herself to keep going with your bullshit it’s dangerous stop.
Well, then, who is she? She is who she has quit over complicating it it’s not that complicated quit over complicating it to feel sorry for yourselves.
And if there’s reincarnation, she literally is Scotia, and a dead, Scottish aristocrat, who was married to Lem Billings.” says Cyrus. “ so so no he just couldn’t figure it out Doris and Hollywood person. He just couldn’t figure it out and she’ll edit this later. I don’t blame her for not editing shit it gets really monotonous talking to you people and it never seems like you fucking get a clue he was not able to figure it out. OK this was the 70s in the 80s. This was a long time ago and he was older already. He wasn’t like a young person in the 70s he was an older man. Yeah he was living in New York City and he had gay friends but I don’t think he necessarily was able to talk about it and figure it out.” says Cyrus.
“ but like, why would he notice?” says Doris.
“ you know you guys exasperating answer your own fucking question you dimwitted bitch!” says Cyrus. “ if you attack me because of this, you’ll have hell to pay just to warn you you cow if that’s all the fuck you are!”
“ I suppose it would probably be because he just you know I don’t really pay attention to stuff. I don’t really feel like I have to because I’m a really big fucking deal.” she admits.
“ OK so you really have not been paying attention because you just assume that you know more than her?” says Cyrus.
She nods.
“ yeah same old same old that’s a very bears wild wave of handling history. A lot of birds by historians are like that and so hopefully you’re just pulling our leg and you’re not that stupid and you know worthless as a historian but but will will keep going.
So Doris here’s how it works. Hopefully you’re listening this time sweetheart!
Basically, basically, what happened was this he felt aroused by women. Are you is are you still with me?!?” he says.
“ no because why are you jumping to that you can’t jump to that that’s not history historiography that’s not history.” she says.
“ that’s pedantic bullshit at intellectually supercilious nonsense. I’m trying to express a concept to you could you take off your bourgeois-buzzword-hat and try to think for a fucking second?” he says.
“ oh, OK.” she says.
“ OK so here’s the concept he was aroused by women OK so he was aroused by women Doris this is a normal very intelligent educated response to your question, but I’m not jumping through stupid ass hoops like a bourgeois rat in a maze. He was attracted to women, his whole life… but he assumed from a young age that he was homosexual, and he was an honorable man who lived based off principal Doris. It’s painful to have to explain these things to you because you’re not gonna believe they’re gonna think he was an absolute asshole, and that’s not really intellectually appropriate to make that assumption, but people like you make those kinds of assumptions all the time. And then you find creative ways to cover for your lack of good accounting, so to speak, intellectually. So the idea is that he was always aroused by women, but he thought it was dishonorable to be with a woman even though he could be, there are still bisexual men who identify as gay who are confused by that less than Lem’s would’ve been because he was straight, but there is that confusion in the gay community and in the bisexual community so he was sort of a part of that he didn’t realize That he was capable of being with a woman and being Norton being normal about it he thought he would screw their lives up he thought he would harm them Doris he thought that he would cause them harm hurt them in someway I shouldn’t have to you know delineate every way you could hurt a woman you should understand as a so-called intellectual, but I’m talking about cheating on them with men Not being able to take care of them in someway like a normal husband I could go into great detail about all the things that men do but I’m not gonna do that right now because I’m not Lacey I’m me and she was just trying to help me and we had the same sort of idea for a second but no I’m she’s channeling me and so now you’re challenging that because I’m offending you by your own stupidity.
There was no reason to think he was gay there still isn’t people made it asinine conjecture, and then based whole books off of it.
As David Pitts said himself, we can assume right we can assume we can assume no we can’t assume David we really can’t. There’s some things you can never assume someone’s orientation is actually not one of them you can sort of assume but in a very sort of non-non-scientific way, you can’t really genuinely scientifically assume that that’s nonsense.
You can’t even really assume someone’s gender I would say, but in a sense you can but then that’s the that’s the that’s the chore of history that’s the chore of understanding is finding a way to at least come close to being able to assume well understanding that we don’t know this person I think once you get past a certain point with some people you can assume their gender to, but then what is that? How do we do that? Is that spiritual? How do we not know what that is and see doors these are conversations we haven’t even had yet how do we? How do we get to a point where when we’re in conversation with someone we build trust and assume things about them, and sometimes we make assumptions because we think we have the trust and we don’t and then there’s times where we actually do safely assume some thing and it’s because it’s there you guys it’s very complicated is extremely complicated. This is extraordinarily complicated stuff and it is somewhat spiritual and you can’t just go around willy-nilly and expect that you know you know this shit when you don’t know this shit it’s pseudo-intellectual amateur rustic, childish, bullshit.
And a lot of 20th 20th century historians have been like that because it’s fun it’s fun it’s fun it’s entertaining but let me tell you there’s a reason why they didn’t used to do it. Why the fuck do I have to keep explaining that to people that’s pathetic!
No, don’t come at me for being a New Yorker and having a brain. Sorry for offending sending you your royal jackasses! 
So here’s the idea just for you to help just for just for you to kind of help figure that yourself like just to get the concept OK and this is already been explained to you guys he didn’t understand that he could be with women without harming them in a plethora of different ways, because he thought he was gay he didn’t have anyone to talk to. He never could figure it out, and then it was too late he had herpes. He was a drug attic’s. He did not have aids he had herpes he was a drug attic‘s and he was living alone basically and he just gave up on life and killed himself essentially when he was 65. It’s pretty straightforward Doris.” says Cyrus.
“ I never had an affair with Bobby Kennedy Junior!” says the CEO of Liberty Mutual. “ I don’t know who this woman was talking to who gave her that impression but that was not me.” says Timothy.
“ no, I’ve never really necessarily even met him.” says Bobby.
“ oh, Susan, who was that?” says Cyrus.
“ I have a boyfriend and he’s very powerful and he’s rich and he is a CEO him he was just covering I may have done some shit and liberty mutual if there’s an illuminati to pull some strings just to piss her off.” says Bobby.
“ yeah I really hope that that’s the case. I really hope so. You know if there isn’t ilumiNATTI she’d have no way of knowing necessarily every secret that’s happening because she’s not really a part of the illuminati you people are just torturing her and some of you were trying to be helpful so then that would be another reason why harassing her if you are in the illuminati was a really dumb idea because it’s not like every evil thing you do to her just hurts her. It causes chaos for lots of other people too.” explains Cyrus.
“ I don’t understand how he couldn’t have figured it out!” says Doris.
“ Doris what are you imagining? I would’ve experienced and that his story and brain of yours what the hell are you thinking I was supposed to have experienced?” says Lem.
“ hey um I think I thought that you were supposed to have that you were supposed to have been that you were supposed to have you know if I only is a bit arousing and just had a sort of uncontrollable urge to sleep with them.” she says.
“ oh, that’s nonsense sweetie you’re making an argument for rape Doris that’s an argument for rape you can always control your sexual urges.” says Lem.
“ no because eventually they get overwhelming to you.” says Doris.
“ not really not really Doris. There are a lot of people who are able to restrain themselves and I was one of them. Why would I think it was normal to be that sexually starved because I was gay I literally just thought I was a normal gay man.” says Lem.
“ but how can a normal gay man wanna have sex with a woman that badly?!?” says Doris.
“ and because I didn’t think it was abnormal as a straight man or rather as a gay man excuse me to have such experiences. I thought it was perfectly normal. I didn’t think it was weird at all. Try to sing Doris like I would’ve at that time, not like people think right now.” says Lem.
“ OK I just it’s like astounding to me that somebody would have been that straight and not realized that they were straight.” says Doris.
“ right because I didn’t have a desire for men. You know the thing is though that’s all sub textual and I thought I had a desire for men that it just wasn’t you know a normal thing I just thought it wasn’t normal it’s like I’m gay it doesn’t mean that I do you know like a straight person I thought it was gay this was a long time ago. Doris and my generation didn’t talk about sex is freely if you may recall and so I didn’t think it was strange to have a desire for women that I didn’t have from it. I thought that was very easily just part of being a homosexual.” says Lem.
“ I can’t handle that I can’t believe that’s true! I mean oh my God how could you not realize that?” she yells.
“ because I didn’t think it was normal!” says Lem.
“ so you thought that no desire to be with a man was normal?” she says.
“ yes I did. I thought it was normal because I didn’t think it was normal. I did want to marry a man I did want to be in a relationship with a man I did want that Doris because I thought I was gay and I wanted to be happy as much as I could be so to at least some degree I wanted to be with a man, but I didn’t. I didn’t think it was strange that I lack desire for men partially because I thought women probably lack desire for men to I thought I was just like a woman you know women don’t necessarily want sex that was a thought that we had so I thought I was just like I’m a woman with men who didn’t really want sex and then I thought no I’m not really normal in this way anyway so and I I do want to have a relationship, so how is it different than a woman who always wants to have a relationship right you know it’s men want sex women want to relationship so I thought no it’s totally normal totally normal that I just want a relationship and I don’t ever want sex with men or the times when I wondered about that I just sorta looked the other way I thought well you know this is normal somehow you know it’s like I said I want it I would do it with him it’s I would I would sleep with Jack more if it wasn’t for the fact that he was just so closeted it’s not that I don’t want it. You know stuff that I couldn’t do it it’s just that he’s not interested in reality. No I didn’t really want it at all but I was in denial about that because I felt like that would make me sort of sex lives in a five minute more than I wanted to be so it’s like there was some confusion on my part it’s like what but I experienced that I rationalize it away like oh I’m just like a woman women don’t want sex anyway you know as it was happening, I would tell myself stuff like that like I just don’t want this because I’m like a girl or I guess I’m just not in the mood or I don’t know somethings just not quite right about the some. I don’t know I can’t figure it out right now I actually felt repulsed but then I never analyzed it because I just thought you know there’s got to be some explanation for my repulsion I know I’m gay, so maybe I’m like a woman I don’t know, but I don’t always want it, but they do secretly you just sorta have to make them or I thought you know that that’s actually pretty much it it’s like oh no women do you just kind of have to lose them you know you have to sorta Kinda have to have conversations about it and kind of make them feel loved and stuff and cherished then they’re more interested in so I add that was how I thought I was messed up you know it’s just that Jack was an asshole that Jack just never put me in the mood because he was closeted, and he wanted to maintain the idea that he was straight because he was closeted so he wanted to maintain that he was straight. I wasn’t in the mood, but we were married as much as we could be you know, and if it is what it is right on it, I looked around to see if there were other available men and I never found one because they always repulsed me and I just thought well. Better luck next time right I guess I’ll find somebody someday.
Oh, so I thought I guess I’ll find somebody someday. It just never seems to work out and wiser Polston you know it happened so quickly and it was so traumatizing, though that I never really processed that I had been repulsed in those moments because it was like holy shit get that dick out of my face, and then it was, you know a repulsion and trauma, and I sort of dissociated and blanked out slightly every time a man tried to be with me, but then you know I blink all my self down, light a cigarette or take a drink and sing Frech I’m just like a woman I’m just not interested or I was think I guess I’m just not in the mood or you know I don’t know I don’t I must not like this man right I know I just need to loosen up and stop being so uptight and force myself to do it. you know I’m just such a nanny I’m too scared. I’m just too scared to have sex you know And I wasn’t really that scared of sex with women but I think I thought maybe I had some sex phobia or some thing and I know eight I did realize like later that I could be with a woman, but I didn’t think I was straight and then when I before I died, I realized it was straight so that’s why I later told a friend oh I chickened out and didn’t sleep with a prostitute. it was more than just checking out. I didn’t want to sleep with prostitutes. as I got older, and was wiser, I begin to realize that I was capable of sleeping with women for real. You know that I wanted to him, but I was sending that yeah I mean it’s complicated and nuance but I check I told him that I chickened out and people misinterpret that and think I was saying that I was gay and then I was somehow covering for that and trying to seem tough and being closeted. No, I was not being closeted and covering for my homosexuality I was telling him the truth I chickened out it’s not that I wasn’t interested at all. It’s that I was I was chicken is what I thought. Is this a thing I didn’t actually check it out. I didn’t wanna sleep with prostitutes I was deep and that’s pretty much all there is to it, and if you know if it had been Lacey‘s first day on the job and I met her before Jack, I might not have chickens out and then I don’t know what would’ve happened. I guess you would’ve runoff together and I would always wondered why she thought she could be a prostitute but I don’t think that’s possible thing is I’m just saying I wasn’t gay and I was realizing that when I said that to them it’s not you know I chickened out it’s not that I couldn’t do it I chickened out I was being literal. I wasn’t using some clever way of saying things.
I know I know I just I thought no I could sleep with Jack. If I wasn’t such an uptight, you know I am effeminate a sexual jerk, but you know that’s my problem. What’s his problem that he’s an asshole who is closeted and won’t be honest about the fact that he’s homosexual if he was honest and he was to put me in the mood and we were to have a nice date and he were to really take me out boy I might be more interested I’ll be a little less uptight, I might be in the mood, but he was never going to do that and so that’s what I thought was happening
I know that’s not what was happening no I was not interested. I was repulsed and dissociative and freaked out and you know all that but I didn’t realize that. I know Doris I just I control my urges I kept my temper and then I had a horrific foreign collection and I killed myself at 65 and I am talking to you from the grave so that’s interesting isn’t it and no I am intelligent I am conscious. I am not just residual. I am fully like a human. I’m just without a body who’s alive and I actually might have a body in Christ It’s different than you think and a part of the reason why I am able to do this could partially be because I was so sexually repressed. How does that not eat at you how does it not drive you crazy him you know I masturbated practically every night I had it like I told you I had a horrific foreign collection. I was distracted by babysitting Jack all the time, and then he died, and for a while I was using alcohol, pretty heavily And then trying to help Bobby and then he died and then I was taking care of his son and that I was into drugs and then I died. I was very busy. I was a very laid-back mellow person and I just I controlled myself I just controlled myself. That’s all there is to it. I just control myself And you have to realize too. I was a virgin in many ways. It’s easier to control yourself when you’ve never really had real sex.
If there’s reincarnation, I was not able to control myself in that way, which would be how Lacey came to me all the time as a ghost and we were together because I had if there is re-Carnation, and there might not be, but this is how this whole perfect explanation works so be careful. It Hass to be in the Bible you might not find a way out other than that because we’ve given you some pretty good explanations but I wouldn’t have been able to control myself with Lacey because I experienced marriage with her so then, that’s where she showed up every night. It’s practically as a ghost, because that was still residual and me so to speak from my previous life with her.
But in this life, I was a virgin I had never had real sex. I’ve been molested and I thought I was gay, so I had no untamed sexual desires so to speak I had never experience the physical aspects of sex, so in the way, I was like the 40 old virgin, yeah I mean how did he do it though does he really even seem all that different than me? I am no he doesn’t. I was a little bit like that but then I thought it was gay so it’s like the 40 old version coupled with this man who thinks he’s gay so there’s a little bit of a darkness to me that’s not really age-appropriate as I age because I was a virgin and it was weird. I was very smart I was handsome it’s by God‘s grace that he allowed me to experience anything with anyone in anyway it was Lacey believe it or not but I am, but regardless of reincarnation, but no, I was a little bit of a weirdo and some people thought that that was just part of my homosexuality or they thought that was my drug addiction or they thought that I was just eccentric or complex or extreme or they thought that I was progressively, becoming more childlike as I aged a no I was straight and sexually repressed and I never experienced. I never experienced that need the way that a married person or someone who’s been with people would experience it I was just in a very weird place in my head him there was a part of me that was lost to him, and thinking of who I could be with him logging for that person wishing I was dead or wishing I could be straighter, wishing that some thing could be different in someway feeling trapped in my own life.” says Lem.
“ why didn’t you just kill yourself before Jack even died?” says Doris.
“ because I I thought it was evil. I was a very principled man I thought that I was a good influence on Jack. I was a stabilizing influence. I was a good influence on him, and then after he died, how do you work for being a good influence him, I give up on being a good influence, and I thought no I was best off when I was distracting him. He really was very demanding and abusive and so he would physically attack me if I didn’t put out and verbally attack me and mentally attacked me and threaten my family. He threaten my family‘s life and more than one occasion and so a reason that I should just put out but I got sick of it. I really did. I got tired of servicing him so then I started getting smart and I thought what if I just get him out of my hair and just hire a lot of people to fuck him and so I did because I didn’t have to it wasn’t that they were doing it and then I joined them like you imagine it’s the opposite, it’s that I didn’t want to do it and so I made them do it instead. So I made them do it instead and that hurt Jackie but I tried to avoid hurting her as much as possible but he was a monster. He was a demanding, controlling, manipulative, abusive monster, and yes store is part of the reason why I used to be so controlling with you was because I was hiding the secret that I had him killed That I at least helps. I didn’t want you to ever figure that out. I didn’t want anyone to figure that out and no one ever did people believed that I was gay and I thought it was madly in love with him no one ever really figured that out that I had something to do with it Dave still not really truly figured out that the CIA did it that’s all still just a conspiracy theory even though that’s actually very well possibly happened.” says Lem.
“ you’re right, there’s no way to prove that they didn’t at least that they didn’t hire Lee Harvey Oswald or something.” she says.
“ yeah you’re very brainwashed in that way possibly yourself people wanna think that it’s normal to just assume that nothing happened and it’s not actually as normal as as people think although that people have so much figure that out today somethings just do happen and they’re just freaking accidents about a lot of stuff aren’t a lot of things are not quite that freak it’s not just that people are coping with traumatic traumatic things by rationalizing them and making them weird. Oh no they’re actually weird that 11 is weird it’s just it is it is psychologically it’s strange and it isn’t necessarily an inside job but it is weird and a a lot of things like that are weird and people manipulate stuff and make it seem like they’re not, but they actually are.
And here’s another little tidbit JFK secretary was named Lincoln. Is that even true if it is true that is weird that could be a coincidence or if I not be no I’m not trying to make some thing this is actually possible the CIA may have been plotting to assassinate him Sensually starting in the late 1950s because they may have anticipated that he was going to run for president and so there could’ve been a small contingency of CIA CIA operatives who were considering murdering him in the late 1950s. They may have been thinking about it if especially if there’s no illuminati long before they ever really made a plan to do it why because they thought he was a problematic person he had a meth addiction in the 50s he was not a normal person and he was also homosexual And they knew that too. They knew they knew that he was homosexual not 100% but they knew he was someone homosexual and see that’s the thing people back then Doris didn’t think people were bisexual. They thought they were just gay or straight I mean, there’s evidence of that, historically on sex and the city, so why didn’t I sleep with women? Doris because I thought I was gay and I didn’t want to ruin their life.” says Lem.
“ so lame I think you were obviously straight and they’re desperately trying to find some way to Middle with their way in and make it seem like you were gay but I actually think that what you said makes complete sense because yeah you were just trying to to be decent and not sleep with checks and there’s really probably not a lot more to it than that and I’m sure there’s an explanation as you said for literally everything that they could come up with and see now they’re trying to make an argument that that’s impossible to sexually restrain yourself to that degree and that’s not true you can sexually sexually restrain yourself you can yeah you can and I wouldn’t be surprised if Bobby is part of the reason why you’re hearing that because I think he has made this argument to justify rape because he’s a sex addict and so I think he has justified rape by saying that he couldn’t control himself because he has a sex addiction so he’s rape people because of his sex sex sex addiction because he had an uncontrollable urge because of his sex addiction.” says a man. “ so um, so yeah,”
“ can I ask you something lame do you know do the ghost that we see in our footage that we get on camera? Do they see us like are they seeing us and we’re seen them in a sense how intelligent are they like? What are we experiencing in that regard?” say good ghost hunters.
“ you are you were experiencing a lot of different things some of it is residual in a way just like Jack has residual energy right now that’s attacking Lacey. There’s not a consciousness attached to it. Why would that be something that has to do with trauma and someone who’s not dealt with some thing in the afterlife there is not always residual energy left behind, so why would there be because something hasn’t been dealt with or some thing isn’t processed in someway so sometimes there’s residual energy because someone hasn’t dealt with something who’s dead or possibly alive.
So there’s a part of their energy that they haven’t sort of process yet in purgatory or in life and it’s so simple it’s just like simple processing of pain or trauma or something like that. There’s just some thing that they haven’t sort of accounted for himself that’s still left where they left it all and then, and then they can collect it at some point but until they do, it’s just there.
Oh, what is a conscious, haunting, a conscious haunting would be when someone is like me and they’re a ghost and whatever reason they’re interacting with the living it’s unclear why you can’t just assume that they’re all good people Jackie interacted with the living, and Waze that were totally inappropriate for a very long time. But sometimes those people are good people but you you can’t assume that I went to assume that they’re not, but you can’t assume that they are either.
Another’s hunting that’s residual and seems conscious but isn’t sometimes interact with you and answer questions because it still has some capacity to do that but it can’t actually interact with you as itself so like if you were to ask Jack right now why are you bothering Lacey he’d say because she’s a jack ass nitwit or because she’s a loser And that’s a response but then if you were to actually address him and be like Jack, are you OK? He may not be able to give you an answer because you’re actually talking to him and it’s it’s a different way of talking it’s like asking them where are you? What year is it or why are you here versus? How are you feeling, what’s going on with you? What like? What is your day like? What are you do like questions that are more personal that are more addressing the actual spirit like you’re talking to them they wouldn’t be able to do that as easily if they were just like an intelligent residual energy.
So that’s one thing that there are demons in there demons at work with some ghost those demons are very dangerous and they’re all over the place.
And then there are angels to who you locational interacting with actual angels from heaven, who protected you, or whoever guided you to different locations you guys have occasionally had Angels turn on lights for you, because they’ve been trying to help dead people like myself, who are being restrained by evil and aren’t able to do things for themselves, and so sometimes there are angels protecting certain dead people who have censored the questions for the dead people if they think that it makes sense within the context of Christianity for you guys to know that there’s a supernatural sometimes it might make sense for some some purpose and it’s not just like oh necromancy this is bad is that there’s some reason why someone needs to know that there’s an afterlife that there’s a supernatural because the guy can use that to bring that person closer to him And help other people and so as much as they might be temporary confused, he can say you should talk to the dead that’s not a good idea so I’m not telling people to quit yelling about not necromancy know if you’re doing that being guided by the Holy Spirit, God can use that because you’re not supposed to talk to that people, so I’m not telling people to stop being Christian But you do have to be careful because it’s not simple. A lot of ghost hunters are not into necromancy necessarily some are ghost hunting itself isn’t necessarily necromancy.” says Lem.
“ I so so there’s really an explanation for everything like everything?” says Doris.
“ yes absolutely everything Doris absolutely everything every smile every picture every movement every word I ever said every date I ever had with him and everything I ever did. Yes there’s no explanation. I was straight.” says Lem.
“ to be honest I’m just I’m an off because you’re absolutely right. It’s creepy how flimsy our understanding of your sexuality really is and yet how much we think we know about you. It’s very creepy.” says Doris.
“ that’s true I was straight and I I mean I think I look straight most the time even though I tried not to I think I seem straight and you know it’s it’s it’s frustrating because I really was straight tonight. I’m going to be eating spaghetti with Lacey, my wife I’m going to call her even though she’s not my wife as she is my wife and away and I’m going to make chocolate mousse with her and him you think oh you were gay or you acted gay Richard Deacon was more like that even though it wouldn’t have been a lavender marriage sorry that man on TikTok cracks me up because he really was but he really is bisexual but he doesn’t seem to realize that, but I mean hip or does he and he’s just trying to get some woman in bed with him by the way, if I seem more effeminate than I am part of it is that I’m talking through Lacey and sometimes she slips and hears me, but makes me sound more feminine than I am, but I try and she tries her best to let me be as masculine sounding as I am but no I am that man goes on and on if you were my lavender wife if I was in a lavender marriage with you I mean how weird is that start to sound after while a lavender marriage? What does it mean? A lavender marriage a relaxing Mary bitch or a pretty color or you have a nice relaxing.
Mary. Bitch I wonder where that came from I have a feeling Bobby’s energy is calling Mary Richardson a bitch you know what that’s between them that is between them.
00 lavender marriage the lavender marriage what is the last German what is a lavender marriage a lavender marriage is a relaxing lavender colored lavender scented marriage? Where, according to a bisexual, unaware gentleman who likes to show off his naked torso when he’s talking about lavender mixes him for mysterious reasons sits in bed with you cuddle spoons with you drinks with you parties with you cooks with you sleeps with you and then has sex with you to be a good sport and I don’t know I guess have fun as a man but it’s really gay. No I mean that’s the kind of thinking that people had in the past. It’s like oh I’m a man I want sex fact that I would sleep with a woman happily isn’t bisexual at all. It’s I’m still gay you know I’m fantasizing every couple of posts about having a wife and going to movies with her and braiding her hair but that’s not because I’m bisexual and on satisfied with my gay marriage it’s it’s not that I’m fantasizing about being with a woman because I’m bisexual aging and having a midlife crisis that I am cloaking as a Trump administration rant about lavender, marriages… it’s not that I’m almost 40 something for that I am 40 something and because I’m a millennial and I just jumped into homosexuality and never experienced much heterosexuality but I yeah that I never really explore that part of myself and now that I’m wondering if I should just go being a lavender bitch but I don’t wanna say that so because I’m a guy so I’m just gonna pretend like this is a Trump rant… i’m not at Trump that’s what I’m talking about what I wanna do with my hypothetical wife every post. Oh being shirtless in laying in bed and it’s not that I am looking for a girl or that I am really getting confused because I’m realizing that I’m not a straight homosexual nothing if you want to look at someone who acts homosexual he’s a good example his mannerisms are very stereotypical he gay, very stereotypical, gay he really amps, those those bit mannerisms up but he might actually be bisexual and not realize it and I know he’s just as much bisexual if he is as I was straight and so his game mannerisms and some signs are just as fake as mine were, but he doesn’t realize that.
That’s the problem a lot of those mannerisms are not necessarily a full proof method of determining someone’s sexuality they can be adopted by a straight man who’s confused like I was, they can be adopted by an actor they can be adopted by an actual homosexual, or they could be adopted by a pansexual or a gay man or I mean a bisexual man who is also confused or not aware so that’s just an FYI right but I was going somewhere with that. Yeah I’m not trying to complain too much, but I’m just saying I don’t have that instinct I I don’t I don’t have the instinct to sit around and gossip and braid her hair and watch sex in the city and eat steak that we make that’s gourmet and then decorate the house because we’re bored and drunk.
That’s some thing that heard Michael Rockefeller could’ve done. That something that her and Richard Deacon could’ve done made gourmet dinners, and then had a lavender message where they were really mean living a heterosexual marriage that was very authentic and he wasn’t just meeting his knees with a woman. He was actually bisexual, and he realize that, and he was you know not just perverse he was actually enjoying himself like a normal grown man That’s not a lavender marriage that’s a bisexual, married to a woman and a heterosexual marriage. Could there be some people though who would say that that’s nice because you know you’ve got a man who’s just a straight as can be but he’s also bisexual and enjoys cooking, gourmet and talking about you know the bridesmaids and how ridiculous they look in a way that’s like a gay man, but he’s just giving that part of himself to his wife Who he could easily call his best friend and she might even be his best friend because he’s bisexual so he’s giving up Madden and he’s just like I found a woman that I could love just as much as any man and that part of me still exist that likes to watch sex and the city so we do good that be the thing is something that would happen. Yeah, there are some bisexual men who are capable of being monogamous, who are really in love with their wives and They probably do have fun movie nights and do you know footbath massages and make up sessions and then they’re just as straight as can be when they go to bed because they’re bisexual. There are bisexual women that go hunting with her husband and they are in love with them . Lacey is not one of them, but there are some bisexual women that are like that.
I’m not one of those men I’m not I am not bisexual. I am not pansexual. I am straight, so yes I can make chocolate mousse with her but I have to push myself just as much as I did when I was alive because as much as I can do it and I’m artistic and sensitive and, I have fun with her. I’m actually doing it as a straight man so there are times when I have cooked with her and her cooking has been good but probably more like with a straight man would cook that’s not an insult there very many straight male cooks who are excellent chefs but to be honest it is different. The food does have a different taste to it when it’s paid by a man it really does. There’s a difference do it it’s just different I don’t know how to explain it, but it is different, so on that note oh I think that’s some thing that I’m also insecure about because when we first started interacting, she thought that I had been homosexual and was just being straight or she thought that I was bisexual or pansexual and I think she expected me to be better at certain things and I was I was able to do make up that looks really good on her But I have not been sent able to repeated as easily and I’ve made some. I made some mistakes him although I feel like I’ve done a pretty good job with giving her advice but no, I was never attracted to men I adopted those interests like interior, decorating, and cooking and stuff are to try to to be gay to try to sort of self actualize, I really don’t think you guys understand. I thought it was homosexual and I just I thought it was a perfectly normal thing to do to sort of do what’s expected of you, so like it would be like if Lacey thought she was gay and she’s not but if she thought she was she could easily have an epic gotten collection, and really an amazing gun collection and archery collection a sword collection in her basement I mean rare, antique guns swords, probably worth over $100,000 in her basement easily of guns swords, possibly bombs showcasing uniforms because that fascinates her and so being like me, she would just in a sense throw herself into that because she would think that it was somehow like self actualizing that it was somehow healthy as a homosexual that she’s not to be interested in such things
Interested in swords if I am Constantine or even like him would be epic. We would have epic sports in our basement so to speak and that’s basically what I did with the decorating. No really I I had an interest in early American furniture because that was my family and I was really more of a historian and I was more I mean I’m straight, so I was really not that interested in decorating like a normal gay man so to speak if there’s anything normal about that I was really more interested in, the history behind it so my decorating wood was not actually as brilliant as you might think it was because it was based more on history and I am making things look nice which I’m good at I’m good at art it was it wasn’t as much based on on like the way that she decorates it with her it’s more nesting It’s different and her hunting isn’t like my hunting to be blunt. I am better at that sort of thing than she is. I’m just being honest she’s not bad at it I’m not that it interior design actually but I’m not as good as her at all, and she’s not as good as me at hunting and fighting. I’m better at that than she is you don’t know that about me but I’m actually a pretty good half fighter and Hunter whether there’s reincarnation or not yeah anyway but the pointers that was what happened I was I was trying to be gay and it really didn’t work because I was straight but I gave it my all and I neglected the things that were icky to me, so some of my mannerisms were a little ass or they’re spotty because I couldn’t force myself to stay in that because it was just too gross because I’m straight but it’s here in there and I owned it whether I should’ve or not and I shouldn’t have and made it mine, and now the funny thing is if Jack had come out of the closet ironically, if Jack can come out of the closet and maybe this is even why he didn’t to some degree, but if he had if he had, I would’ve had a realization that I wasn’t like him part of how I maintained assertive mental safety with him was because he never admitted that he was gay so I made being gay my identity and not his. It was my persona and not his, and I knew that he was most likely I knew he was but I thought it was sort of my thing in a way more than his and so if he had become gay and his mannerisms more openly, I would have steps. Making it my thing a I would’ve stop making it my thing and I would’ve found it more weird, but he never did that, and so a noise was just sort of like his thing in my thing that he was too much ashamed of but I wasn’t And I was different and cool and he just didn’t you know have that much of an edge or some thing he just wasn’t that I know cool but if he is if he had started acting gay openly no I would’ve thought what the hell now we’re both doing it and then I would’ve thought it was weird to do it because I would’ve thought Him you know this isn’t just my thing anymore know you’re doing it too and you know I can’t compartmentalize it that much and so then I would’ve thought well. Maybe this is weird and at times I would’ve stopped acting gay almost completely for like long periods of time I actually do do that to some degree but I would’ve done it more and it would’ve been more noticeable and people would’ve thought it was weird because there would’ve been a hole like ours where I just stopped acting gay completely, and it would’ve seem strange to people and possibly including my family him and that I would’ve had to eventually deal with the reality of who I was probably yeah it would’ve been healthy but that’s not what happened he was manipulative. He was controlling and sadistic, and I only realized I was straight after he was killed.” says Lem.
Later.
“I was on Tik Toc tonight and I saw a video about near death experiences. …And I saw a video of an atheist who died on her way to a hospital. And she said she encountered a blackness that encompassed her. Overtaking her view of the world around her.
…Once when I was making love with Lem…we were…becoming very passionate…and…a black circle opened up in front of me. And it kept getting bigger and bigger. And I started to get scared so I focused on my surroundings and it disappeared.” says Lacey.
“That was a moment of temptation for me. …I was very close to killing you. But God intervened.” says Lem.
“Lem…what’s it like…doing this? Because…I’m starting to think you were straight. …How is this different?” asks Cyrus (from the future).
“I’m trusting God. …It’s peaceful knowing He’s merciful and just. …But it’s heartbreaking in a way I never felt before. Because…she has no way to know if she’s doing the right thing. …Thinking you’re gay…is very different from the terror of…being…trapped.” says Lem. “Whether it’s trapped in a real gay experience you can’t get out of…or trapped in a sort of pre-death situation. You have to…trust in God…constantly for mercy.”
“Why not before?” asks Cyrus.
“Because…it didn’t feel as desperate and real. My heart wasn’t involved. …I secretly was checked-out.” says Lem.
“Lem…how could you kill her?” asks Cyrus.
“Well…I feel…overcome. And…it occurs to me…that…we could meet. If I just killed her.
How? …I almost literally start grabbing her spirit out of her body. …There are some conversations where I’ve come close to that as well.” says Lem. “It’s like…detaching her.”
“Could you actually do it!?” he says.
“YES. …But God stops me.” says Lem. “And I’ve stopped myself.”
“What would that look like to medicine?” he says.
“Probably a heart attack or stroke? Mysterious! It would seem mysterious.” says Lem.
“Would a rapture be possible? In that way?” says Elon Musk.
“No. This is just death.” says Lem.
“Could she have died!??” says Elon.
“Yes.” says God.
“WOW!” says Elon.
Keen to Cross the Pond 
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