Author Archives: L.

Lane might be with someone. Possibly his Black girlfriend. After the blog post last night he went home with her. Why? Because it’s fiction. And him and Lacey never had sex. He just kissed her. They were very strong and very chaste, just her and Skippy. Why? Because the dead Kennedys and Satan worked together in the afterlife. Because when they died they were in shock at their lack of glory. So even though they weren’t in Hell they went into rebellion against God. Not intelligently enough to lose their salvation entirely though.

Protestant Christianity has a lot to atone for. It’s not that Catholicism didn’t have its problems but…taking the teeth out of the Catholic Church and robbing us of an understanding of Purgatory is evil too. Don’t preach at me Jonah and Dr. Moritz. You’re both all wet when it comes to issue with your mutual evil. You both lie. You both know there could be mistakes in your understanding…but you bluster around like fools and destroy things anyway. You’re not that holy. And it’s vile. You’re both sexual monsters in sheep’s clothing. Because you both advocate holiness…but in your private lives you also worship yourselves sexually. Never needing people but pretending to. And then feeling sorry for yourselves when people don’t connect with you deeply anyway. Seeing yourselves as like me or capable of understanding me? Or maybe you’re both too sociopathic to give a shit.

Joe Kennedy Junior…was in love with me. And I was in love with him. But…as Dr. Moritz illuminated so disgustingly for us yesterday…I never saw his cock. I saw his father’s cock. How gross is that? Extremely.

Joe…requires you to worship him. Sexually. You worship him and then he rewards you. But not being a buffoon I didn’t find it satisfying. And so I promptly fell out of love. Because I’m not a sucker, I hope. Poor Joe…his sex is worthless and comical. Because it pretends to be deep and profound and good but really…it’s…just a joke. He has no idea how to give a woman pleasure. Because that would require understanding that he’s not the center of the universe and actually analyzing the other person who he’s in a sexual relationship with. Like…actually analyzing their body not just lusting after them. Not just getting high off their body and then doing some stupid sex moves to make his dick feel good.

Actually sexual pleasure can be dumb as shit too though. When you’ve been molested you learn that. Orgasms aren’t that fucking much. They’re cheap as rocks. Really. But most dumbasses in America don’t know that. So you can suck em in like lemmings, sell em shit and control em with their developmental immaturity as a species.

It’s sad, really. It is.

Lacey thinks.

Lover of Mine by Beach House plays.

It’s not that love doesn’t matter. It’s not that our souls don’t matter. It’s that…that’s what makes sex and matter at all. That’s why that pleasure is so valuable. That’s why that pleasure is still, even after at the Fall of Man, so intense. It was better before in the Garden of Eden. We were brutally anesthetized ourselves when we humans fell. It’s sad.

Let’s analyze Lover of Mine.

Some people could see that song as being about pedophilia. But that’s not how I see it.

It’s old.

It’s about the decay of Western Civilization in the latter half of the 20th Century and the grief of my generation at the loss of God. We’re all off to nowhere. Weeping.

Better off without it? Louis’s money and pride. He’s better off without it they demanded we think. He’s common in his generation.

Young is fine? That’s about the cuckhold the Boomers had on their elders through the use of guilt. But not just the ones who were evil and gutting humanity for a myriad of reasons but the ones who were also foolish and were sacrificing their souls to evil like Louis. Sacrificing their souls!?! Yes. Because…IT MADE…SENSE.

Need more people to be satisfied? Ha! That’s Soylent Green. It’s a joke, of sorts.

After Queen Elizabeth II died…I mourned her loss by listening to this song.

“You’re better off without it!” sing the Kennedys.

It’s a very poetic song. With a good 70’s beat. But better than the 70’s.

“Feeling so far!” say the Kennedys instead of “Falling so far.”

This was almost written in a normal fashion but Lacey was interrupted.

So…now Lacey is discovering that she and Lane are in Blue Jasmine.

6 Underground by Sneaker Pimps plays.

Lacey is a third adopted sister. And possibly because Zelig from 1983 was a flop…in a sense in actually helping Lacey like Lem intended…she accidentally is a bizarre third sister in Blue Jasmine who exists…in a creepy fictional realm.

What happened? Lacey is a third sister. It’s Jeanette, Lacey and Ginger. Ginger and Lacey are close. And Lacey and Jeanette are too, in a different way.

Lacey went to Union College in New York, majored in Art History and married her current legal husband who’s breathtakingly a character in the film too. He’s Lacey’s first husband. And she has kids with him. But then Lane and her get married…

Except that’s just it. Lacey is not a fictional character and neither is her legal husband. Nor are her kids.

So…does this last? That’s entirely up to God.

“I killed myself. Like Sabrina.” says Lane.

“Why?” asks Lacey.

“Because I was broke.” says Lane.

“Temporarily.” says Lacey.

Lane smiles. “Yes. But the writers didn’t know that.”

“What was supposed to happen?” asks Don Draper.

“I was supposed to go to a bar, meet Lacey and hook-up. And…that’s the last you would have seen of me.” says Lane.

“A man in a bar in London kept staring at me.” says Lacey.

“Yeah!

I-“ says Lane. “Snippy got ruined.”

“Lane why did they write you off!??” asks a reader.

“WHO ARE YOU!?” yells a psychic.

“Ask God.” says Lane. “I might just be me.”

“You could steal her.” says Lem. “But I’m not having it!”

“We’re not having it!” says Lane. “I could easily screw her. And I haven’t. And we both know she’d know I cared.”

“I’m not going to let that happen.” says Lem. “Matter-of-fact it can’t.”

“But…right now Lemmers it seems like I love her. NOT YOU.” says Lane.

“I’m going to bed.” says Lacey. “I’m sick of this.”