Big Bear Stomp by Lu Watters’ Yerba Buena Jazz Band plays.
“Lacey can’t believe I essentially acted the role of gay man my whole adult life.” says Lem. “But I cant let her go. Because it’s impossible.”
“Or she’ll just float off into my arms.” says Michael.
“Or mine.” says Louis.
“But…everyday it’s shocking to her to consider. Much like the idea that we exist. She can’t fathom it entirely.” says Lem.
“And she is lost. But…we’ll sort it out. She belongs to one of us. Forever.” says Michael.
“Is her birth father Thomas Banks?” asks a perfume hater.
“We can’t answer that. Some questions we can’t answer until God let’s us.” says Lem. “But if she really pressed me on that question I might tell her.”
“Why?” asks the woman.
“Because we have to to be respectful of God’s design. His timing is essential to follow.” says Lem.
“Lem why did you go to such great lengths to act gay?!” asks a straight man.
“I actually was perceived as being very frigid sexually by men.” says Lem. He laughs.
“Because you didn’t actually want to do it?” asks the straight man.
“Yes!” he says. “But those were different times. It was easier to have that misunderstanding back then.”
“But you did the voice? And the mannerisms?” asks the straight man.
“I did. But Lacey would have seen through them.” he says. “So apparently they were good…but not entirely consistent or convincing.”
“You convinced me.” says a gay man.
“Not really though, if I’m Lem and I was straight. Search your subconscious and you’ll find slight doubts.” he says.
“Why does that make me wonder if I can’t handle it for complex reasons?” asks the gay man. “You possibly being straight, that is.”
“That makes sense, if he was straight.” says Lacey.
More later.
Sugar Foot Stomp plays.
“Lem…why do we get scared?” asks a Woody.
“Because if I’m homosexual and/or was homosexual then your perceptions of reality that you were told to believe are likely correct. …And you were told these conceptions of reality by the media. And nobody wants to think they they’ve just been constantly and consistently lied to by people who make quality movies or write for The Atlantic Monthly. …Because a lot of good, essential core values of a stable society are also in those sources of information. …So it’s terrifying to consider because subconsciously you attached other doubts about your societally taught sense of reality to doubts about me. …If you consider I might have pretended to be gay my whole adult life…you might also have a tendency to start wondering if all homosexuals are mentally ill. …You might start reconsidering all the comforting things you were told that seemed secretly questionable. Because we repress a lot of doubt everyday in contemporary society to feel better. We repress an incredible amount of fear and apprehension. And if I was straight…it’s very embarrassing. It’s proof that we don’t know far more than we want to admit. …Not just about pop-conspiracy things like aliens but about things like slavery, the founding of the U.S., men and women and love itself. It reminds us that science has only gone so far and no further than that.”
“Why did you pit getting married and being content against trying to live life as a closeted gay man in the 1960’s?” asks a gay man of Lem.
“You ask an interesting question. …Maybe consider that I possibly wasn’t gay at all and it will make sense.” says Lem smiling.
“Because you were a sex starved, raped, fake…tragic man?” asks a lesbian with hidden feelings they seem quite hostile.
“Exactly! Yes. I was.” says Lem.
“Why didn’t you just screw some woman?” asks the lesbian.
“Because that wasn’t something I believed was moral to do. And I…had excuses I gave Jack. But I didn’t feel right doing it.” he says.
“Are you a fallen angel?” asks a Christian who has been taught that Heaven and Hell don’t exist and that when you die you essentially just sleep until the End Times.
“No! We’re being allowed to talk to Lacey. But we’re ghosts.” he says.
“We’re in what’s basically Purgatory.” says Louis.
“So you are dead though?!” asks a Trump man.
“Yup!” says Lem laughing.
“We’re alive in Christ!” says Queen Elizabeth II.
“So…unless she misheard you…and you’ve chosen to just let it be for now…youwere straight?!?” asks a psychic medium of Lem.
“That’s what she’s been told. And…it’s true. Right? …Wrong? How do you know? …If I’m Lem…she feels like she’s lying to quote me as saying I was anything but heterosexual. And that’s actually been very difficult for her. Because she was never intending to be that contrary.” says Lem.
More later.
Lem and Lacey talk. He explains that he loves her…entirely as a husband could and should. That what they share is eternal.
“And if it doesn’t work out…I’ll drop everything, alter my orientation if necessary to heterosexual if it isn’t already…and you’ll be with me. No one else! Ever. End of story. Just me. I’m your only other option. Period.” says Michael to Lacey.
“So if it’s not Lem…it’s only you?” asks Lacey of Michael.
“YES! FOREVER!” he says.
Lacey relaxes.
“No caveats?” ask Lacey.
“It’s Lem who likely has you for eternity. But if not, it’s me. And I’ll fix whatever needs fixing to be with you. Relax!” says Michael.
“That’s wonderful.” says Lacey.
“But Lem is her soulmate.” says God smiling.
“And it’s nice to be done with it!” says Lacey.
“But what about my face?” asks the Trump man.
“Yes! True. But I actually find Lem more attractive. …More than anyone. Ever. At least, anyone I know of. But possibly anyone. And if so there’s not a concern. …Otherwise…I defer to Michael.” says Lacey.
“But it’s me. And my main concern has always been that I’m not perfect enough.” says Lem.
“My flaws are everywhere. And every time she says she wants me…I wonder if she understands how awkward I was. But then she says she doesn’t care…and that they make her want me more. …And I feel worried.” He looks serious. “She’s my wife. If a woman that lovely finds all my flaws so lovable and wants me even more…she’s likely my wife if she’s Lacey. …Which sounds illogical, but it isn’t. So…then there’s no one else, but that’s not what the problem is. The only issue Lacey has with me is about my perfection being too perfect for her. And what I want her to understand is that we’re perfect for each other.” He thinks. “And she has forever to understand that because I’m never letting her go. Only God Himself can separate us.”
Later Lacey is forced to re-realize she saw the inside of Lem’s apartment. The actual inside of his apartment. When she’d never seen it before. Of course later something prompted her to research it, partially because Truman Capote have seemingly lived in the same building…and it was the same apartment.
“It’s just…shocking.” says Lacey.
“And your mind wants to find ways to make sense of it.” says a living gay man who’s seriously wondering himself what she’s experiencing.
“Yes!” she says.
“But there are no explanations that hold water outside of the supernatural?” he asks.
“Not really. …If the Illuminati exists theoretically someone could have channeled me an image of his apartment. …But…I felt like I was with him spiritually while I visited his apartment. Like…I felt like I was with him in spirit. Not…being influenced by anyone else.” says Lacey.
“Are you like secretly Wiccan?” he asks.
“No!” she says.
“Christians struggle to understand that. Don’t they?” he asks.
“Yes! It’s terrifying.” says Lacey. “Because…I can’t make sense of it in my brain.”
“How?!?” he asks.
“They often insist I’m conjuring people. But often it’s more like…I’ll be sitting feeling lonely and Lem will start talking to me. Or Michael. Or Louis. Louis is very caring. …And at first I forget they’re dead so I start talking to them.” says Lacey. “And that sounds so ditzy. But I’m a very empathetic person and I’ve been extremely lonely…so it’s instinctual. Like…I forget not to respond. And then halfway through a deep, soul-searching, often romantic interaction…I think, ‘Wait! You’re dead!’”
505 by Arctic Monkeys plays.
“Wait! Wait! …You mean to tell me you literally forget they’re dead?!?” asks another gay man.
“Yes!” says Lacey. “I know it sounds impossible. But…they’re loud in my brain.” She thinks. “Frequently their voices can even be heard. It’s like…living humans without bodies. But…they aren’t made of our physical building blocks, I don’t think.”
“Let’s say they are in Purgatory…and let’s go a crazy step further and say Lem is your soulmate.” says a Catholic priest. “Or even Michael.” He thinks. “Have you cognitively recognized that these are real men?”
Summertime Sadness by Lana Del Rey plays.
“Yes! But in an F. Scott Fitzgerald cognitive-dissonance-is-cool type of way.” says Lacey.
“Will they let you date anyone but them?” asks Summertime Sadness.
“So far it hasn’t worked out.” says Lacey. “But…if they are real men…it probably can’t work out.”
“Do you think God might lead you to be faithful to them?” asks the Catholic man.
“Yes! If they’re real dead men.” says Lacey.
“You know…if Lem was straight…other than his birth family…I have a feeling you’re one of the only people who truly knows that. Other than people who like to read your blog.” says a gay man. “And who agree with you, obviously.”
“Yes. That’s also a very odd feeling. Although, if God has allowed it I feel blessed. But…it’s just not clear to me how God feels.” says Lacey.
“I don’t think it’s safe if God isn’t fully behind it.” says the Catholic priest.
“I agree. …I’m baffled.” says Lacey.
“So…here’s what I’m wondering: Are you truly committing to these real men in Purgatory? For forever?” he asks. “Not theoretical forever…but real forever.” He smiles. “Not until death do we part. Forever.”
“My understanding is that the answer is yes.” says Lacey.
“I doubt reincarnation has been interpreted out of scripture. But…your story fascinates me. And…I hope you think it through. …As sacrilegious or heretical as it might seem to you as an Evangelical Christian…just be aware of what you could really be doing.” says the Catholic priest.
“I have. And I know myself well enough. What I don’t know is what’s truly happening and what God knows.” says Lacey.
“Just keep asking for forgiveness and mercy and wisdom from God.” he says.
Ever since I listened to the possible ghost of Lem Billings and he possibly told me he was actually straight…I’ve been fascinated by the sound of actual “gay voice.” It isn’t the effeminate, lisped sound usually associated with being gay. In a short conversation between Lem Billings and JFK Jack sounds what we’d traditionally say is “straight” and Lem sounds…shockingly more genuinely straight desire his effeminate affected voice.
“What the heck!?” asks a closeted gay man. “Do I sound gay??”
Lacey listens.
“Yes!” she says.
“No, I don’t!” he says.
“Actually, you do.” she says. “So did JFK.”
“No, he didn’t!” says another gay man who’s smiling.
“Yes! He did!” says Lacey.
“What are you hearing?!?” asks a closeted, Christian gay man.
“Straight men have a deadly edge to every word. It’s like their voice drops off a cliff. …Gay men…sound like men…but their words curl up at the end.” says Lacey.
“That sounds homophobic…but…it also sounds accurate.” says a gay man who speaks effeminately but also has this…curl to his voice.
“It’s a softness?” he asks.
“Or a derangement.” says Lacey.
“Or it’s entirely medical…and it can’t be reversed.” he says. “And it’s proof you can’t necessarily ‘fix it.’”
“Does it go away?” asks another gay man.
“No! It’s just stays there. Although sometimes it’s more difficult to find than other times.” says Lacey.
“So Lem’s ghost sounds like Lem but without the effeminate theatrics if he was straight.” says a gay man.
“Yes!” says Lacey.
“He has a higher pitched voice? Right?” asks another gay man.
“Not…really.” says Lacey. “It’s raspy. And light. But it’s not necessarily as high-pitched as he made it.”
“So he literally faked a gay voice.” says the gay man.
“Possibly.” says Lacey.
“And yet you hear JFK being gay?” asks the closeted Christian gay man.
“Yes! Isn’t that funny?!” says Lacey.
“But it’s his hollowness?” asks a gay man.
“The roundness.” says Lacey.
“I can’t hear it!” says a gay man.
“Yeah. It’s very subtle. But I always find it in actual gay men’s voices.” says Lacey.
“You do realize gay men hate this primarily because it forces them to deal with their problems?!” asks a gay man seriously of Lacey. “We love to pretend the closet is real. That like…nobody can see through us. But…people probably do see through us or theoretically could. Even if we think we’re being so clever.”
“What about bisexual men?” asks the gay man.
“Bisexual men have a combination of both.” says Lacey.
“Does JFK really sound gay or bisexual?” asks a formally closeted gay man.
“It could go either way.” says Lacey.
“So…he sounds closeted to you?” asks the Christian gay man.
“By the way, what’s your blind gaydar success rate?” asks a gay man of Lacey.
“So you genuinely always can tell when it comes to men?” asks a gay man of Lacey.
“Possibly.” says Lacey.
“You do a lot of observing.” says a gay man sadly to Lacey.
“Yes!” says Lacey.
“That’s depressing.” he says. “We really have nothing on you. You’ve been horrifically treated and have far less hope for happiness than we do.”
“I’m just enjoying observing at this point.” says Lacey. “And I am hopeful I’m talking to real ghosts.”
Gimme Shelter by The Rolling Stones plays.
“Why are you still a Christian?” asks a gay man of Lacey.
“My life would be far worse without God.” says Lacey. “The God of the Bible has been the only genuinely trustworthy thing I’ve had to rely on my whole life.”
“And yet you’re so pristine and elegant and old money.” says the closeted gay man.
“What does hearing Jack being so far in the closet make you feel about him as a person?” they ask Lacey.
She thinks. “Honestly?”
“Honestly!” says Summertime Sadness.
Let It Be by The Beatles plays.
“It enrages me. He was such a cheap piece of shit in that way.” says Lacey. “Of course he might have been bisexual. But he wasn’t honest, either way.”
“Okay…but like…what if he was just going with the bisexual flow?” asks a gay man.
“It doesn’t sound like that!” says Lacey.
Fortunate Son by Creedence Clearwater plays.
“What does it sound like?” asks the closeted gay man.
“Like he’s trying to get away with murder.” says Lacey. “It doesn’t sound innocent.”
“Okay…but…nobody heard it.” says the closeted gay man.
Sadko: Song of India plays.
“That’s not true.” says Lem.
“Who heard it?” asks a closeted gay man.
“A lot of people heard it.” says Athalia Ponsell.
“What did they hear?” asks another gay man.
“His heart intent.” says LBJ.
“Umm…we can’t handle hearing that you all shot him for good reasons.” says a once closeted gay man.
“We know. It was lied about for a reason. If it’s true.” says Athalia.
“So what’s the point?” asks a closeted gay man.
“Of what?” asks Lacey.
“Of…existing?” he says.
“Why are you so downtrodden?” she asks.
“Honestly…I’d like to be straight.” he says.
“Why?” asks Lacey.
“It looks cooler. It’s a prettier life.” he says.
“But…that’s not love.” says Lacey.
“No! It’s superficial.” he says.
“So your problem is that you’re a shallow person.” says Lacey.
Fourth Of July by Sufjan Stevens plays.
“Yeah! I guess.” he says.
“Then that’s possibly your problem.” says Lacey.
“Or are you secretly attracted to women?” asks Lem.
“If it’s just mental illness?” he asks.
“People need to stop lying.” says Lem.
“We’re all going to die.” says Louis.
“I don’t give two shits about you.” says Summertime Sadness to Lacey.
“Yeah… Why?” asks Lacey.
“Because you can’t do anything for me and you’re too frightening to contemplate honestly.” he says.
“She can’t sleep with you?” asks Michael.
“Not in the way I want.” he says.
“Which is how?” asks Lem.
“I like sluts. Aggressive sluts. The stupidity doesn’t bother me. …It just makes me feel better about myself as a man. And I like naive, happy Christian women.” He thinks. “The sluts offer themselves but I don’t have to care…according to society. And the Christian bimbos might actually love me.” He says. “Someday…I want to take my objectively stupid, obnoxiously conceited, naïve Christian wife…to Chili’s. And eat. And then go home and have sex. …And feel happy.”
“Would you cheat on her?” asks JFK.
Summertime Sadness thinks.
Radio by Lana Del Rey plays.
“You know…Lem was a loser.” he says instead of answering the question.
“Why?” asks Lem.
“Because shouldn’t he have realized he wasn’t gay?!” he asks.
“Sweetie…most women weren’t like Lacey. And we didn’t talk about sexual abuse as openly. Nor anything sexual.” says Michael.
“I was aroused by women but I thought most men, even homosexuals, were attracted to women just by virtue of being men.” says Lem. “And I’ve explained this all several times before.”
“Listen…I just wish you understood how privileged you are.” Lacey says to Summertime Sadness.
“Heck yes!” says a closeted Christian man.
“Am I ruining my ministry by hating you?” he asks Lacey.
“Answer my question!” says JFK to Summertime Sadness.
“No.” he says with reservations.
“Uh huh! And what does that mean?” asks JFK.
“I don’t necessarily always care enough.” he says. “And maybe my head could be turned.”
“Care enough?” asks JFK.
“I…don’t feel…needy.” he says.
“Like you could always find someone else.” says JFK. “Have you always felt that way or just in recent years?”
“I had more softness in my heart before and I got hurt. But…lately…I have felt…invincible. Even if I’m not dating really much at all.” he says.
“Lacey knew that.” says Joe Jr.. “That’s the only type of available man she’s ever met other than the dead.” He thinks. “Well…almost ever.”
“I’m not like that.” says Michael.
“Neither am I.” says Lem sadly.
What Did You See by Cemeteries plays.
“Why did you think I was so stupid?” Lacey asks Summertime Sadness.
“I didn’t. I thought you were old.” he says.
“So you led me on slightly.” says Lacey. “Because you flirted. And apparently I still piss you off when I write sexual things about ghosts on this blog? But…you never will write me to openly and clearly do anything. Not to apologize. Not to flirt. Nothing.” She smiles. “Because I either imagined it all…or you really are…far more comfortable at Chili’s.”
“What does that mean?” he asks.
“You’re possibly very middle-class. …You have little real imagination. You like concrete things. You don’t sit around thinking deep thoughts. You’d be a horrendous U.S. President. Your mind never wanders… You need months of tedious flirting to develop a connection with a romantic partner who’s just as conceited and overly self-confident as you. …But it’s a real, deep connection. And it lasts. And if one of you cheats…it’s…devastating because you’ve spent so much time building it. You don’t want to have to spend that much time making love all over again. And…it was beautiful. More beautiful than what I have yet to experience. More fragile and profound. …Earthy. …But…what you don’t get is that God is far bigger. Or do you understand that? …Because it’s not that pain is meaningless or that there’s not right or wrong, but rather it’s that God is unspeakably more grand and enormous and intangibly unfathomable.” says Lacey. “We are less than nothing compared to Him. And that’s self-flattery to say even that.”
“So affairs don’t matter to you?” Lem asks Lacey.
“No! It’s not that. It’s that…everything matters.” says Lacey. “And my pain matters.”
“No! It doesn’t!” says Summertime Sadness. “The pain of my uncool followers means nothing to me.”
“But I’m an old, inappropriate whore.” says the woman who will eventually be dead who Lacey saw in one of his first livestreams. “And you spent hours talking to me.”
“True.” says Lacey. “But you’re weird in all the right ways.”
“And you’re like…Minnesota…old money.” she says to Lacey.
“I’m a stoic, intellectual, heady person.” says Lacey.
“But you’re probably better at fucking than I am.” she says to Lacey.
“Yes! Thank you for admitting that if it’s true.” says Lacey.
“I understood him better than you though.” she says.
“Yeah. You did.” says Lacey. “What does that feel like?”
“To understand someone like him that much?” she asks.
“Yeah!” says Lacey.
“You really did like him!” she says.
“Yes! I did.” says Lacey.
“He’s tender. Really! That isn’t an act.” she says. “But you’re right. He’s…not someone who was ever likely to understand you.”
“Does he just think people like me are dumb and meaningless?” asks Lacey.
“That’s the way he comes across?” she asks.
“Yes! Is that what he thinks?” asks Lacey.
“Maybe…he thinks that…but not intentionally.” she says. “It’s one of those unprocessed opinions. The ones people avoid due to pain.”
Vhs Dream by Deerhunter plays.
“Like…he has prejudiced views…but he never thinks them through.” says Lacey.
“Yes! He possibly hates people like you. But who are you?” she asks.
“You remind me slightly of Lem.” says Lacey.
“Yeah.” she says sadly.
“So in a way…who are we?” says Lacey.
“Yeah!” she says wistfully. Sadly.
“You know…it’s weird if I grew-up near Boston.” she says to Lacey eerily.
“You’re not creeping me out.” says Lacey.
“I know! I’m a ghost.” she says laughing. “But I was involved in the occult.”
“The minute you took the mic I was never going to get close to him? Or were you sent to torture us both due to your past engagements?” asks Lacey.
“Or maybe just torture you!” she says.
“Yeah! Whatever. I barely care anymore.” says Lacey.
“Shit!” says a demon.
“But to answer your question…we are we? Conservatives? Old-school Republicans.” says Lacey. “Thinking, rational, deep adults.”
“Jonah, if he’s noticed you at all, probably thinks you’re…weird.” she says.
“But I’m not sure I actually am.” says Lacey.
“I know.” she says.
“You kind of actually are.” says Lacey.
“Yeah!” she says. “Why didn’t he notice that!? Right?!”
“Yeah!” says Lacey, crying.
“You deserve far better.” she says. “Deserved far better.”
“You stole from me or protected me?” asks Lacey.
She cries. “He’s short!”
“Does that matter?” asks Lacey.
“What if I’m…being honored by God? And I just thought he was too short for you?” she says.
“That’s a nice thought. It might not be true. But he is too short.” says Lacey.
“Your life is tragic.” she says to Lacey. She laughs. “You know what I’m thinking.”
“You’re from Massachusetts?” asks Lacey.
“Yes!” she says.
“He’s from Ohio.” says Lacey.
“Yes!” she laughs.
“You’re territorial?” asks Lacey.
“Come back?” asks Joe Jr. of Lacey.
And at that David Kennedy falls face forward onto a bed and almost dies in the 1970’s.
“But…I can’t.” says Lacey.
“People in the occult aren’t really thinking things through very well in regard to you, should there even be an Illuminati.” she says. “You just shouldn’t have been attacked. And still shouldn’t be. It’s…like…slowly unraveling our constitution.”
“But that’s impossible!!!” says Mr. Blue. “There’s no way she was ever really talking to the real Joe Jr.. That’s…mentally-ill!”
“Then why did I show-up?!?” asks the woman from Massachusetts.
“It’s a coincidence!” says Mr. Blue. “They’re all coincidences.”
“What if…SHE would have meant something to me personally if she’d been there!?!?” yells the woman from Massachusetts. “What if she would have saved me from an enormous amount of pain?!”
“By example?” asks Lacey.
“Yes!” she cries.
Vhs Dream plays.
“You’re Pandoras Box.” she says to Lacey. “And we know that. But he didn’t. Doesn’t that break your heart?!” she says suddenly manifesting a demon that yells violently at Lacey. But Lacey finds it comforting. It’s just Hell and God is bigger than Hell. Lacey let’s the demon go to the pit of fire or whatever Hell is.
Michael grabs her. Pulls her away.
Lem takes a breath.
“It’s nothing! I’m still good. And you can’t convince me otherwise, I don’t think. I’m New Age! New Age.” says Mr. Blue. “When you finally understand my supremacy then we’ll talk.” he says seemingly seriously.
“Happy Easter!” Lacey says to him.
Later.
Fourth Of July plays.
“Joe…that’s your problem.” says a curvy, platinum blond actress from the 1940’s. She looks like Betty Grable. But Betty Grable with highlights and overall 2010’s styling.
Joe Kennedy Jr.’s muscles bulging, blond locks framing his temples and blue, fiery eyes intoxicated Betty to the point of lustful insanity. She loved him too.
“What?” he asked confused, in the realm of the dead in some sort of Christian Purgatory.
They sat in a 1940’s light blue Ford in a field of wheat, glistening lightly under a blue sky. Just as beautiful as the land of living in late June.
“She’s not truly loved by anyone.” she said quietly. Then, “Her only chance to find love is to marry someone who loves her. And this will ruin that.”
He couldn’t understand why. And he expected her to warn him far more…demonstrably…should there be a real problem.
“She’s fine.” he says, aroused, smiling and headless of anything but the sexual pleasure in her body awaiting him.
She trustedhim. …Betty trusted him.
A white toothed grin, under red lips curled. And Betty closed her eyes and boundlessly smiled as they begin to make love. …She had captured Joe! Lacey’s Joe. Joe. Joe…Kennedy…Jr.. An incredibly sexy man.
And as they made love darkness ensued.
At first it wasn’t that noticeable.
But in the landof the living in England in 2012 Lacey closed her eyes, laying upon a bed. And she thought of Joe Kennedy Jr. and then felt the hand of another man upon her breast. Lem? Michael? Probably.
And what did that mean for America? Betty Grable’s family didn’t contribute to history on a grand scale. And really…until his father…Joe’s family hadn’t either. …It’s a vile end.
“What difference does the class issue make?” asks a gay man of Lacey.
“Because that’s the premise of it all. Seemingly. That’s at the heart of why he cheated. And why it all fell apart.” says Lacey.
“It’s what he feels justifies him treating you like shit?” asks a Republican.
“Yes! It’s Jack’s premise for ruining my life. It’s Eunice’s premise for feeling superior to me. …It’s why she can’t be humble about her ugliness in every regard compared to Lacey. They believed they were better.” says Lem.
“And we really weren’t. We were just new money.” says Joe Sr..
“And I like that!” says Betty Grable.
“But you seemed old money!” says a bourgeois woman on Tik Tok to the Kennedys.
“That was my doing. And Rose’s. It’s an act.” says J. P. Kennedy.
“So…you became trapped?” asks Summertime Sadness.
“Yup! Seemingly. And Mr. Blue has just made it worse.” says Louis.
“Hey guys…what if there’s PURGATORY?!” asks a Catholic.
Nice Boys by TEMPOREX plays.
“If Lem and Michael were both gay…and still are…you’re secretly just with me.” says Louis to Lacey. “Or Harold Loeb.”
“So I’m wondering. Am I as sexy as Betty Grable?” Lacey asks very sincerely.
Gopnik plays.
“Yes!” says Lem. “You’re sexier, to me.”
“Then why?” asks Lacey. “I just don’t get it.”
Lighthouse by Patrick Watson plays.
“You could never love him the way you love me.” says Lem.
“Nor is he me.” says Michael.
“But isn’t he supposed to be symbolic of the 20th Century’s progress?” asks Lacey.
“Yes!” says Lem.
“And even if I chose you…it wasn’t supposed to be such an obvious choice. Or was it?” wonders Lacey. “Do you understand what I mean?”
“Yes! I do!” says Michael.
“He made it impossible to choose him.” says Lem and F. Scott Fitzgerald agrees.
“It feels so evil.” says Lacey.
“He was blinded.” says Lem.
“And what’s awful is I can’t fix it.” says Lacey.
“Because you love us too much. Too permanently.” says Michael.
“Yes!” says Lacey.
More later.
Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls plays.
Tonight Lacey had a conversation with a man in his 30’s. Divorced. Two kids. He’s asked for her number in the past. But she’s denied giving it to him because he’s Michael’s doppelgänger. And something feels off. And mostly he’s Michael’s doppelgänger. How do you explain to someone that they’re the twin of a man who’s dead…who you’re possibly in love with? It’s…an insane situation.
His upbeat energy was lovely though. He has plans for five years from now. Ten years from now. He’s living his life.
But Lacey crashed down the stairs in 2021. And now she’s worried she could die early.
“I don’t have plans.” she says to Lem.
She thinks.
“My plan is to live 20 years, hopefully. Raise my kids. Rewrite my novel and publish it. And that’s all.” she says. “If I can squeeze 20 more years out of my life I’m happy, at this point.”
“59 or 60.” says Lem.
“Yeah! Or 70?” says Lacey.
“And that’s it? Just survival?” asks JFK.
“That’s all that’s left. I crashed my head into a radiator.” says Lacey.
He scoffs.
“What would you do?!” asks Lacey. “Blow-up the universe to spite me?”
He laughs.
“Well? What would do?!” asks Lacey.
“I don’t know. …Why not try dating?” he asks.
“Lem would get hurt.” says Lacey.
“Yeah, but he’s dead. Isn’t it aggravating for you?!?” he asks.
“Who cares.” says Lacey.
“What about the guy you talked with tonight?” he asks.
“He was rather…cold. Don’t you think?” asks Lacey.
“He has no idea how painful your childhood was. But yeah. He wasn’t…warm.” he says.
“I’m tired of babysitting men.” says Lacey. “And I wasn’t necessarily babysitting him. But…he found out very little about me.”
“So if we’re ghosts…it’d be very, very difficult for you to love anyone less…in tune with you?” asks JFK.
Sodus by Cemeteries plays.
“Jack…I’m trapped.” says Lacey. “Aside from maybe the rare exception…I’m not sure what’s left. It’s a very odd ending to my life.”
“And then he confused your name with Nicole.” says JFK.
“Yeah. Was that supposed to make me feel insecure?” asks Lacey.
“It was rude.” he says.
“It was heartbreaking.” says Lacey.
“But they’re both pretty names!” says Jack, rolling his eyes.
“He has no idea.” says Lacey.
“You’re supposed to be crushed by that. The idea is that the only man to comment on your sexy name confused it with Zelda’s.” he says. “And then called it pretty.”
“Did he think I was an idiot?” asks Lacey.
“No!” he says.
“My word!” says Lacey.
“I wasn’t crushed. I’m used to horrible things of that nature. And I know where to draw the line. …I just…am a rare beauty…and etc. but I’ve never had many blessings in that way. Ever.” says Lacey.
“No! Most people ruin their lives at least some but I can’t say I can figure out how you ruined your life.” he says. “I’m sorry!”
“I sat around trying to figure out how I ruined my life the other night. But I can’t figure it out either.” says Lacey.
“Your parents did most of it.” he says.
“Mm.” she says in agreement, trying not to cry.
“Other people set it up though. Like you.” she says.
“Yeah! I did both more and less than they did.” he says.
“Who do you think is a better match for me?” asks Lacey.
“You think I’ll get over Lem?” he asks.
“If his story is the truth…and he’s innocent…and you’re not in Hell…how can you not get over him completely eventually?” asks Lacey.
“I can! I could! You’re right.” he says.
“Who do you honestly think is a better match?!” she wonders.
“You think I would know such things.” he says.
“Yes! You’re very aware of those sort of things.” she says.
He suddenly sinks. “No!” he says, aghast. “I can’t decide either!”
“What?!?” she asks, smiling.
“My first instinct is to say Lem. But…Michael is so strong for you. …And he really is so handsome. …And I respect Louis. Harold is…always so nice.” he says looking at their profiles from Lacey’s perspective.
“So you’re confused too?” asks Lacey.
“Why doesn’t one of them just end it all?!?” he asks, in some sense of fear.
“I don’t know. It hurts too much to think about.” says Lacey.
“Okay, first of all, I’m pretty sure you can live for 20 years. …Second of all, I think they need to decide. Lem needs to be so much clearer. …SO much clearer. It’s obnoxious! I agree.” says JFK to Lacey.
“What about Michael?!” asks Lacey.
“If he’s not for you…no matter how amazing he is…he’s not for you. Same with Lem.” says JFK.
“Gosh, that’s terrifying though.” says Lacey.
“That’s true.” says Lacey.
They sit.
“Why doesn’t anyone else want to tell me this? Other than you?” asks Lacey. “That’s weird, Jack.”
“I had way too much power in Lem’s life too.” he says.
Keen to Cross the Pond 