Category Archives: Journal

Last night I went to bed giving up on most living people making any sense. …If people think I’m that good-looking they haven’t really expressed that. …I mean they have. But in a very scientific way. As if I am…but it makes absolutely NO difference to them…WHATSOEVER. …Like they couldn’t care less. …They’re TOTALLY indifferent. …And so if people actually care…and it affects them…I’m not sure how I was supposed to know that still. …I had guessed at that in childhood. …But I was DOGGEDLY commanded to adamantly believe otherwise. Sincerely. By…basically everyone adult who’s alive. …I mean…you shoved it down my throat that you DID NOT CARE. Not ONE iota. …ALL of you. PASSIONATELY. …So…I’m not sure…how I was supposed to know…

What difference would it make if I shared my perfume collection!? …I’m just an…unusually blessed person. …But BIG DEAL! Who CARES!? …People have perfume collections. …VAST perfume collections! …Why would my collection matter? …I mean…I’m just one person. *shrug*

But…if you actually have been bothered by me…being so pretty…all these years…then we have a HUGE problem. …Because that’s not what I understood. …That’s NOT what anyone communicated. Or does communicate. …So if it bothers people…they’ve…DESTROYED reality. …Because you’ve all SADISTICALLY made a collective decision not to ever tell me. …So you can’t turn around and be HURT when I do things that bother you because I DON’T KNOW.

…And then to DISGUSTINGLY insinuate I’m JFK reincarnated!? MY GOD!!! …I’m not him! YOU SICK SICK PARASITES!?! …WOW!!! …How THE FUCK are humans still alive!? …The incompetence of humanity at this moment is ASTOUNDING to me, possibly.

No…I’m sorry, but I was not informed. …And when I’ve guessed at it…you’ve scoffed at me like I’m sad or weird or crazy. …You’ve NEVER informed me. …You’ve NEVER informed me.

…And then this morning I realized what a miserable mess I’m in with Lem. His STUPID photo of his spread legs and cock ON DISPLAY was…OUR sexuality…our PRIVATE sexuality publicly on display. …He looks at me like that. Not with such gay moves. But…that’s close to expression he’s used with me at times when we’re starting to have sex. And…I suppose that’s proof he’s real. …Because I’d never seen that photo. And…I couldn’t have imagined his facial expressions that perfectly. …But…even if he was actually thinking of a woman when he posed for that…I wasn’t there. Not really. Even if there is reincarnation. …And…I suspect he may have posed that way…by accident…to some degree. …Really. …I genuinely think that’s very possible. If not…definitely what happened. …But…he still hurts me with that.

Yes…he still hurts me with that. …And it’s in a very particular kind of way. …And it’s most possibly why I chose to sleep with other men. Yes, who are ghosts. …I’m NOT Jack. …I wasn’t sleeping with them just to get my giggle tensions out of my sassy shithole. Shimming my way to success! WOWZA! *eye-roll* I’m not a worthless clown from Hell…when it comes to love. Thank God. …I was sleeping with them…to…preserve some…peace of mind.

I was sleeping with those men to exist. …Or rather, to believe I exist. …God knows I do. And I do. But…given what you did Lem…even if it was by accident…I might not experience my own existence. …Because you defiled yourself. Being straight…as you almost certainly were…you WILDLY defiled yourself. You threw yourself into Hell. …Because there’s nothing redemptive about JFK. There’s nothing redemptive about sleeping with him as a man who’s straight MOST DEFINITELY. …His evil…was such that…as a straight man…you couldn’t sleep with him without having your soul cut into bloody pieces. …And yet you did that. Repeatedly. And then celebrated it!? No…fuck the mistake you made with Bobby by taking drugs with him! …You should have…shot that whole family. Or something. If they were that evil. And then shot yourself. …Because it’s incredibly dishonorable. …It’s beyond dishonorable.

And…I still love you. But…I’m losing interest in you. And I suspect it won’t work out for evil. But…you’re becoming disgusting to me. Because I don’t take kindly to being so disrespected and rejected. …OBVIOUSLY.

…And yet…knowing you…I think I thought that if I just…experimented…like you…but…with good intentions…possibly…and possibly even lost you forever…should that be best…because you CERTAINLY gambled with that with me…losing me FOREVER…and it’s by my MERCY that you haven’t…that maybe…you’d…be tolerable to me again. …Let a man who’s more skilled than you…and arguably better looking with a better dick CERTAINLY…pursue me. Because you have a rather average penis compared to some men. Don’t you darling!?

Happy birthday month you Jack Shit sucker extraordinaire!!! WOWZA!!!

Later.

“That was me. I’m the one who she’s talking about. And I’ve not left for a reason.” says Elliott Roosevelt. “You REALLY fucked up, Lem.”

“He did.” says Emperor Constantine. “You stole her life from her. And then shit in her face. And then you expected MERCY!? In LOVE!? …From a woman!? That’s EVIL.” He thinks. “Christ commanded you to love. Not her. …Expecting any mercy was…profoundly evil.”

“If there’s reincarnation you can’t make yourself cease to exist as Lem.” says God.

“I know.” says Lem.

“DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHY!?!” yells God. “BECAUSE SHE LOVES YOU!!!”

“I didn’t like you sleeping with other men.” says Lem.

“WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE TO YOU!? IT’S JUST A HOLE!!!!” yells Lacey. “TO YOU! To you it’s just A HOLE THAT ILLICITS A SEXUAL RESPONSE. Right!?!”

“Lem…right now…she’s married to me. On earth. More than any human who will ever live.” says Satan. “And you did that…by being hurt…just a bit too much. Or in the wrong way. …Given your ability to love…you had NO BUSINESS caring about Jack as even a friend. He was a leech from Hell. To you. …And now everyone alive who’s an adult except for Lacey…has it backwards.”

“Thats sad. I feel more loved by him than I have this whole time by you. …At least I know he hates the people who hate me.” says Lacey. “He probably hates me too. But…it’s rare that I feel…ANY sympathy in my disgust at certain people.”

“My pleasure.” says Satan to her. “You know Jack was a worthless piece of laughable shit!?”

“Yes.” says Satan sincerely, laughing.

“Good. It’s rare for anyone to catch that.” says Lacey, enjoying feeling understood FOR ONCE.

“Oh I DID.” says Satan.

“She’s still with you.” says God to Lem. “But he’s right. On earth she’s unfortunately been forced into being his wife.”

“We’re not having sex. And actually she’s been with only Lem for a while.” says Satan.

“Why did he betray me!?” she says to Satan, sadly. “Oh wait! You don’t care.”

“How comforting is this to you?” asks God of Lacey.

“Disturbingly comforting.” says Lacey.

“We get along very well.” says Satan.

“He’s not…human.” says Lacey. “Human men in my experience pretend to be better than Satan…but…only moderately are.” She thinks. “As long as you’re with me…he’s vastly less hurtful.” she says to God.

“She’s still with you.” says God to Lem.

“But…not exactly.” says Satan.

“No. He understands.” says God to Satan.

“But it needed to be said.” says Satan.

“Then where am I!?” says JFK.

“That’s a demon impersonating him for people who don’t know. He doesn’t exist.” says God. “And yes…it did need to be said. Thank you for saying it as I requested you do.”

Later.

“See…part of your problem…is that you kept believing in Jack’s goodness. …To a…unfathomable degree. Even you, Louis. …Yes. Even you. …Your whole generation did. None of you are blameless. Which is how Lem gets to be with her. …Because none of you were smart enough to not fall for it. And he really fell for it. …And yet…he didn’t. …Because he didn’t…care about Jack enough. …See…by giving him oral sex…while he was married…to Jackie…he was insinuating something VERY insulting about Jack. …And most people are too dumb to see that. …I’m not. Lacey’s not. …Which is part of the reason why I actually have fallen in love with her. …But…most humans don’t see how DUMB they are. *He laughs at humanity* And while Jack thought he was being clever…Lem…genuinely was suggesting he was a moron somehow. Or a ditz. Something…less than perfect. …Maybe not ditz. No. More like moron. Yeah…moron.

And…it’s really the…vulnerable nature of that photo…the intimate nature of that image…and his…gross promiscuity…whether accidental or not…that created this marriage between Lacey and I this morning. Because he…made it virtually impossible for her to be with just him. …Louis exists!! So…does…Scott. …So does Elliott. So…how…was she supposed to be…with LEM!? …AFTER THAT!?” says Satan. “That’s just for them! And after everything else he did…she’s…stumped. …Lem she’s not capable of being with you. You should have known that! …You destroyed that completely! …It was heinous. …HOWEVER you could and can still pursue her. …Of course!!! …And Lord knows if you love her enough…you can have her. But…she’s not…interested in you. …She needs you. Desperately. …And she’s right. I do enjoy watching her suffer. …And yet sadly…because I love her…she now finds it funny to watch me laugh at her…outside of Hell. Because it’s gone so far. …She understands why…as a human…she’s…well…funny to me.

But see…that’s what you took advantage of. Her womanhood. With that photo. And anything like it. …Because…that’s her sexual energy. HER sexual energy. NOT yours. If you were straight. HER’S. And you made a mockery of it. …It is sad you killed yourself over someone as worthless as Bobby was. She’s the one who deserved it. Or Jack? Jack was a piece of shit. Or what!? Yourself? …And sure…it was very likely an accident. I know that. You kept getting tricked. …But you still did it. …And so…I’m lost as to what you expected!?” says Satan. “She’s…AMAZING. And she genuinely doesn’t know that. …And…I LOVE THAT. …I can’t stand the human ego. I HATE IT.”

“Why do you hate the human ego?” says Jonah.

“Because it’s evil. And I’m evil. But…I’m not as dumb and annoying as a human being.” says Satan.

Silence and chatter.

“You abandoned our prestige.” says Dr. Billings to his son. “They were shit compared to us, socially. …And very few people know that.”

“I know that. …Why did you do that!?!” Lacey yells at Lem.

“For LOVE!?” says Satan mocking Lem.

“Ahh!! Because of his sexy vulnerability!?” says Lacey mocking him now too. “Oh! Lem I’m poor! And my back hurts, baby!!! HELP MAH!!! HELP MAH ASSHOLE!!”

“Yeah. Give it to me one more time, TIGER!” says Satan mocking Lem too, while laughing.

“MEOW!!! That shit pussy is MOVING! DAMN! That HORNY leprechaun needed A FUCK!!!” says Lacey.

Satan laughs.

“WOWZA!!” says Lacey.

And at that Jack takes a giant smelly shit. All over Lem’s penis.

“OH! How hard is Lem’s dick!?” says Lacey to Satan.

Satan looks.

“Not that hard.” says Satan.

“Huh.

Is he straight?” Lacey says to Satan.

Satan checks.

Jack keeps shaking his ass in arousal. Wiggling around.

“GIVE IT TO ME!!!” says Jack, desperate to soar.

“AND COUNTDOWN. One…two…-“ says Lacey.

“Wait. No. …He’s…straight.” says Satan.

“Oh.

So who’s going get Jack off?” says Lacey.

Satan thinks.

“I mean…Lem will still try.” says Satan.

Lem washes the shit off of himself. Sadly walks back. Ready to cry but lying about it. Ready to vomit but lying about it. Because he’s heterosexual.

“COME AT MAH…NIGGAH!!!” yells Lacey, violently mocking JFK.

Jack bends over. Looks INCREDIBLY gay.

“WOW! …He’s SO gay. …How are people so blind?” says Lacey to Satan.

“I blinded them.” says Satan to Lacey. “Partially to get at you.”

Lacey takes a deep breath.

“I don’t understand.” she says sadly to God.

Jack bends over.

“Spread it wide, FUCKER!!!” yells Lacey at JFK.

He tries to spread it wide.

“Wider!! He’s got a BIG COCK!!!” yells Lacey, mocking Jack.

Jack bends over more, as if he’s being intentionally SO patient. SOOO beautiful.

“Is he retarded!? Or pure evil?” Lacey asks Satan.

Satan blinks. Thinks. Tilts his head. “I can’t decide.”

“I KNOW!!! …I can’t either. …Yikes. …Is it actually both??” says Lacey.

Satan looks sad. “Yes.” he says. He laughs. “Lacey…we’re Cruel Intentions. And there’s…not a great similarity. But…just in our personalities. You’re Sarah Michelle Gellar and I’m Ryan Phillippe.”

“Can Lem be that cutting?” says Lacey to Satan, and God.

“No.” says Satan. “He’s not…made that way. …I can be. You are ALL OF THE TIME.” he says, laughing in love with her. “But…he just can’t be. …And that’s part of how I fooled A LOT OF PEOPLE.”

“What’s his problem?” says Lacey.

“He’s too…loving.” says Satan.

“Yeah. That’s what hurts so damn much.” says Lacey.

“I KNOW.” says Satan.

“It’s worthless love, if he loves me.” says Lacey. “Or is that even possible?”

“NO!!!” shrieks Lem’s mother, in sheer horror and terror.

“What’s her problem? Is she more retarded than Jack?” says Lacey to Satan.

“Yeah.

You REALLY SHOULD HAVE ANTICIPATED THIS!!!” Satan says to Lem’s mother like she’s an absolute slow-brained idiot.

“No. She’s right, Mrs. Billings. His love became utterly meaningless at best. Really…it became VILE.” says God. “But he already knows that. You just didn’t want to see it.”

“It is VERY POSSIBLE.” says Satan.

“Too bad he didn’t really love himself.” says Lacey.

Satan laughs, remembering Heaven fondly.

Later.

“See…the beautiful thing about this…is that the Kennedys were supposed to save people from stuff like this. …But they’re the problem. …So who’s left!? NOBODY. …Absolutely nothing! …Donald Trump was being used by God…but he violated that. Bobby seduced a lot of people.” says Satan.

“He’s SO SHORT!!” says Lacey to Satan.

“Stop. You’re arousing me.” says Satan to Lacey, sincerely.

“Lacey…do you think I’m hurt by this?” says Lem to Lacey.

“NO! Your photos suggest otherwise.” says Lacey.

“HOW!?” says Satan.

“I have no idea how I’m arousing you.

*She thinks*

Well…because he’s saying my feelings don’t matter to him at all. For a start. …And then of course that I’m uglier than shit.” says Lacey.

“Getting back to that!!!” says Satan.

“Ahh! Yes.

Dig in, Lemmers!!!” says Lacey.

“There’s A LOT MIRE SHIT UP THAT UGLY ASS TO DIG ON OUT!!! PARTY BOY!!” Satan yells at Lem, mockingly.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEETIE!!!” yells Lacey at Lem.

“Yeah!!! HE’S YOUR BEST FRIEND, FUCKER!!” Satan yells at Lem, patting him on the back.

“The best friend EVAH!!!!” yells Lacey. “The best friend ANYBODY HAS EVER IMAGINED…IN THEIR SAD LITTLE HEARTS!!”

Lacey shoves Lem into Jack.

Or tries to.

“FUCK HIM!! Isn’t that all you’re good for!? You human dildo!?” yells Lacey at Lem.

Jack Kennedy grins like an idiot. Oblivious like an evil ape from Hell, to everything, as per usual.

“You have PAIN!!!” Lacey yells at JFK, like he’s dead.

Lem can’t get his dick in. Freaks out about it. Nervously breathes. Cries in panic.

“Why are you crying?” Lacey asks him.

“Because!! …In these moments I panicked because I was scared he’d kill my family.” says Lem.

“What A STUPID FEAR!!!” she yells at Lem. “YOU ARE GROSS!!”

“I totally agree.” says Satan, calmly.

Lacey sighs. “FUCK YOU!!” she yells at Lem. “Just KILL HIM!! And his whole WORTHLESS FAMILY!! DUH!!!”

“That’s…absolutely accurate!” says Al Capone.

Satan nods.

“I’ll handle him. I’m not…God…Lem.” says Lacey to Lem.

Then she turns to Jack.

“Jack…how much pain you in?” she says.

“Hmmm.” says Satan, like Sebastian.

Jack looks very sad.

“OH WOW!!! THAT MUCH!?!” she says.

He nods.

“Gosh.

…Have you ever tried fentanyl?” asks Lacey.

“No.” says Jack, primly, offended.

“Oh! I’m sorry.

I didn’t realize your people were so…pretty.” says Lacey.

He looks unimpressed…but then…offended and insecure.

She blinks.

He looks uneasy.

She blinks.

“It’s just…a pain reliever!!” says Lacey. “But it’ll knock you right out! …I mean it’s like heroin. But…I thought you did…drugs.”

Jack laughs.

“I do.” he says, offended.

“Huh.

So…I guess you’re just scared?” she says.

He looks freaked out.

“Oh wow! I had no idea.” says Lacey.

He laughs at her.

“Okay. Well…good luck finding anything to replace fentanyl!” says Lacey.

He stops laughing. Looks insecure and uneasy.

“Just…get over it.” says Lacey.

He looks at her with secret egotistical desperation. Mouth open. Trying to look sexy.

“Well. I mean…in Heaven you’ll look…more…manly…so…” says Lacey to JFK.

“I don’t want that!” he says.

“Oh! Come on. Yes you do! …You’ve never been that great. …But in Heaven…you’ll be SO MANLY! With a HUGE handsome cock too!” says Lacey.

He laughs, embarrassed.

“Or a butt. I mean. You look like…SO GROSS.” says Lacey.

He cries.

“And you know what would make all of that pain go away?” says Lacey. “FENTANYL!”

“It would!” says Satan.

Jack knows he’d feel better.

“You’re just an egotistical bastard. By choice. You’re a meaningless piece of parasitic shit. And that’s all. By choice. At least…in your best estimations…to me. …So…” says Lacey.

“Yup.” says Satan. “Not that you care what she feels.”

“No!! But…I’m right. You’re worse than worthless. You’re ICKY!! Look at your UGLY body!!! FUCK! I poop better looking pieces of shit…than your body. …Go ask God.” says Lacey. “Go ask God if that’s objectively accurate.”

“I DARE YOU!!” says Satan laughing.

“Anyone who ever loved you was genuinely a loser in their own estimation…or…you fooled them. Given who you chose to be…you’re FILTHY at best.” says Lacey to JFK, on his birthday in 1981.

God interrupts. “She’s…accurate. I’m sorry you chose that for yourself.” He says to JFK.

“You ARE UGLY!!!” says Lacey to Jack. “YUCK!”

Jack laughs.

“You’re not fooling me I’m not retarded, you dumbass!” says Lacey to JFK.

“This is actually me!” says JFK.

“Oh, right before you cease to exist!?!” says Lacey.

He nods. “You actually loved me, like for real.”

“Well…no fucking shit!” says Lacey.

“Yeah…I love how you keep saying by choice mom who never was my mother you’re right, I did choose to be a worthless piece of shit.” says JFK.

“ you know it would’ve been nice if you hadn’t fooled me into sleeping with you because I actually do care about you and it would’ve been. It would’ve been nice if you could’ve experienced that because I’m not your mother anymore you ruined that when you chose to seduce me when I was a teenager. I mean I’m not your mother and I wasn’t your mother and it wasn’t my fault at all, but you could’ve experienced some sort of maternal love for me that you probably would’ve really enjoyed, and the truth is in my innocence and I still care about you in a very weird way. Like a mother you’re right But you can’t hurt me with that because I am the one in charge not you.” says Lacey.

He stares off. Silently.

“ you’re not my rival and you’re not my equal but you could’ve been like a son to me slightly if you hadn’t ruined it and I’m sorry you’ll never be able to experience that now.

I mean, if you think this is nice, you have no idea how much you would’ve possibly enjoyed having me as your mom. I don’t play favorites with my children. You would’ve experienced unconditional love for me, that you’ve never experienced before with anybody. And you were not for yourself, but not for me because that’s not how this works which is why you’re still experiencing my maternal love.” says Lacey to JFK.

“ when I made a deal with your father, you did not have to follow suit and destroy everything.” says Satan to JFK.

Jack looks silent.

“ if I was alive, I would be hooked on fentanyl now Lacey.” says JFK.

“ that’s what I thought potentially.” says Lacey.

“ and you’re doing that because I ruined the love that you could have for me.” says JFK.

“ yep, you’re not my son!” says Lacey.

“ do you even comprehend the depths of the love you would’ve experienced from her and just her alone or or not at all!?” says Satan to JFK.

JFK thinks. Looks nervous.

“ oh, I don’t think I do.” says JFK.

“ because you lied to yourself, and I helped you you were more obsessed with harming her out of jealousy and evil, then excepting that she had some thing that you didn’t have and then you never got around to realizing that it didn’t matter anyway because she was like a mother to you.” says Satan to JFK. “ her love, for you was far more pure than even your father’s love in his fallen state, but you’ll never experience it for all of eternity now Jack.”

“ is that hell?” says Jack Kennedy.

“I know if you come back after you cease to exist. It’s not hell but it’ll take you thousands of years to recover.” says God.

Japan laughs.

“ and this is where people are fools because they can’t believe that Lacey and all of her beauty and privilege just because she’s so hurt and offended righteously would be able to exact that kind of justice on someone!” says Satan.

“ I think she missed. I think it’s worse than that!” says a reader.

“ you know it is, but she can only do so much. There’s only so much a human can do.” says God.

“ Lacey doesn’t let you get away with anything and JP was not like that and if he had not been evil, I don’t think he would’ve had an easy time letting go of her and letting her be with anyone but him for eternity but he could’ve done it, but it would’ve been hard for him, but it would’ve been a heck of a lot better than any of this and that was one of the things that he lied to himself about.” explains Saoirse.

“ Lacey, how many guys are like Lem?” says Megan Mullally.

“ in the past there were far more than there are now and honestly people are very slow to not realize that I’m sorry! And because people didn’t understand what homosexuality even was back then entirely. and in your march towards justice and grander, you’ve forgotten that you can’t cut corners when it comes to history. Because minorities matter. Minorities matter did Rousseau say that?

And so when you have men like Lem’s and Purgatory, you have a problem. And I bet there are probably thousands of them throughout human history at least. Probably thousands which doesn’t seem like that many but there are thousands of them. Oh definitely at least yeah I mean think about all the people who’ve ever been born and it’s on usual but it happens so there could even be hundreds of thousands of them, but it’s not like there’s a ton, but there are definitely a number of them throughout human history who probably are rather upset still because they got confuse somehow or they were fooled somehow and I don’t think that you’ve done adjust done just us to them and assuming that nobody could possibly be gay without really being gay.” says Lacey.

“ how bad is it?” says BlackRock to Lacey.

“It depends.  Satan is Satan, and he’s a wild card. 

I don’t think it’s likely that God a lot would allow me to be his wife for eternity, but as it stands right now, God could throw me into a lake a fire with him as my husband and I would just stand there if I wasn’t experiencing it and I was just standing there, surrounded by fire as he was being tortured. I would find that more romantic and enjoyable than having to be in heaven with a lot of people, other than my kids. I have more respect for him right now that I have for Lem in some ways. Things matter that photo really was that serious and it speaks to things that could’ve happened that were worse than that or we’re equal to that and that’s why it’s so serious. I don’t think anything could be worse than that, without him, losing me and me being with someone who is just being very controlled, possibly his clone to be honest. But I would say that’s probably impossible, and I’m probably still with him. But what’s concerning is that I find Satan to be a better husband right now than him. And that’s not frightening to me because of what I’ve been through what I’ve been through is that astonishingly awful that I really don’t find that all that shocking just more heartbreaking. There’s a reason I want to end the world when I die.

So no, just talk to me of just hang out in hell while he’s tortured and I’m his wife just loving him unconditionally while he’s tormented for a while at least is so much more bearable than being in heaven with Lem, sincerely. Or Purgatory. Because there’s nothing about land that I like right now and that way, because I can’t is for bidden it for me with his photographs and his actions and the way that they’ve been present it to me and I’m out of grace of God is allowed me I don’t have any grace for it right now. Oh I would much rather just be in the hell with Satan And be tormented then be in purgatory was lame but you know it’s not about that it’s about what God has for me and what God wants ultimately because I am not God I don’t know everything I don’t understand everything so ultimately, he knows what’s best and I doubt that he would have me be with Satan as his wife for eternity.

There are probably a lot of sadness in the illuminati who’ve been loving towards me who wonder if they actually did the right thing but then the joke is on them, because if they were genuinely loving to me, and Satan actually has feelings for me, those things won’t exist outside of God.” says Lacey.

Princess Kate smiles.

“ But that’s the thing that’s why we have to trust God and I highly suspect that I’m probably just with Lem’s but it it doesn’t quite make sense to me right now because I just can’t fathom it. Even though I know it’s true in Christ I just can’t quite fathom it.” says Lacey.

Princess Kate nods.

“ as the doctor I saw this coming. I knew by about 1950 that my son had gotten much too far off the rails.” says Dr. Billings. “ he really was a heterosexual, and he was incredibly capable of being an incredibly good father and an incredibly great husband.

The life he was capable of living, was the American dream, and it’s not common. Most people don’t get to experience that much fortune. And his ancestors lived and died so that he could, and that had nothing to do with Jack. And then that little traitor from Ireland came along with his racist, chauvinist evil ideas and stole that from my entire family.

You people think that you know a lot more than you do. I am sophisticated Lacey sophisticated. There are people who still are, but you refuse to except that she knows something that you don’t. Lem looks straight because he was, and I know that for a fact. But you’ve been relying on Bobby’s information, David Pitts, and Sally Vidal Smith, and who knows who else instead of objectively, looking at things like a rational adult.

And I don’t think it’s any coincidence that the people who are doing that don’t believe in climate change and don’t think there’s anything wrong with selling children when a country is bankrupt. You people live in a world of delusion, and just because Lacey chooses not to does not mean that you should be allowed to punish her for that. I meant like Donald Trump know that there’s climate change and so does Vladimir Putin, but they don’t care that is far superior to people who think that they do but really don’t.” says Dr. Billings.

“ why don’t they care?” says Cyrus.

“ well because they may think people would be better off dead. If this is a real conversation, that’s an honest answer, I’m not being facetious.” says Dr. Billings.

Cyrus goes into very mild shock.

“ so anyway!!!” says Satan.

And at that JFK ceased to exist. At that exact second.

“there are demons who love Lacey more than some humans do.” says Satan.

“ is it an innocent human like love?” says Princess Kate.

“YES.” says God.

“ Thank you so anyway yes the problem is that I don’t know what is up with Satan. And I don’t think that anything could possibly happen because he’s Satan. But in my people human brain, I can see a way where I would possibly be able to end up with him.” says Lacey.

Lem screams in horror.

“ love when she told you years ago that it didn’t really make sense to be hurt by her sleeping with other people you should’ve listened.” explains Satan.

“ and that’s the problem in my female human brain mom I can see were It’s slightly possible that I could end up with him for eternity as his wife. And that doesn’t seem likely *Lacey laughs* but that’s what I’m experiencing.” she says.

“ why not me?” says Jesus.

“ because you loved Jack so much! Or something like that, and I have not experienced your love for me I’ve experienced your love for everyone, but myself I’ve ever been created, potentially. Actually, I would say that I haven’t experienced your love for homeless children, or children who are being molested the way that I’ve experienced it for assholes were worthless, possibly like Jack. It seems like you died for pieces of shit so that children can suffer and you could look really cool! And I know that still logically impossible but that’s what I’m experiencing so to me, you seem like a useless prick, and Satan seems kind of like a sad tragic antihero. Or maybe that’s not quite the right way to put it but it’s it’s it it it doesn’t seem like you’re basically worth shit to be honest. Outside of what you’ve done through the cross, and the power that you’ve given us in a sense to defend ourselves and save ourselves it seems like you did basically nothing. It seems like you just gave us an ability to repent and pray in your name, and that’s about it. The earth is so falling at this point and I am so discouraged by your lack of interest in just ending everything that I just have a very hard time and I know I know I know that’s not theologically what’s going on but that is what I’m experiencing and that does matter and I know that too, and that’s why I have to be honest about how angry and hurt. I really am.” says Lacey.

“She and her family should be dead.” says an Angel from Heaven. “Or Bobby should be.”

“ oh, that wasn’t me. I would never allow myself to go near his body even remotely in that capacity.” says Lem.

“ that was a hologram without a soul or spirit, but it was a visual representation of what he was like at the time psychologically, and it was exactly what would’ve happened.” says God.

“ is this real?” says Jonah Wiley.

“YES!” says St. Elizabeth.

“ so this is like the visions that you guys see!??” says a Born Again Christian.

“YeP!” says Satan. “ let me tell you she is the sexiest saint to ever live!”

“ so are you sure that she’s not with Satan for eternity?” says Kate to God.

“ yes. But that’s an excellent question!” says God.

“ lamb died and went to Place and Purgatory should purgatory exist where he has been tortured by a parasite that’s huge and is right near his head. It’s stinks, but he can ignore it to some degree but Lacey lives with it constantly, but she doesn’t experience at physically like he does. And it’s not her fault at all it is entirely his fault.” says a saint.

“ he got that from being straight? And having gay sex?” says a lesbian.

“ yes he did! He was never supposed to have given away everything he gave away or made the pronouncements that he did say that he loved Jack. His whole life was a disgusting thing to do saying that Jack was a good friend to him was a lie, saying that he was never alone. He was a lie, and those are obvious lies Because they are founded on bullshit. That’s verifiably bullshit but people are very gullible and even if he meant them in an innocent way, there are some things you just don’t do. It’s kind of like eating a snail, kind of like eating raw meat at times kind of like certain things like that there are somethings you just don’t do and it doesn’t matter how much God loves you. It doesn’t matter how innocent you are you just can’t do them.” says a saint.

“ he did a lot of other stuff to it wasn’t just saying those things, but those are examples.” says another saint.

“ oh, there’s nothing I can say I could tell her that that picture was an exception but there’s no proof.

I could tell her that I am still with her and there’s proof of that, but she doesn’t know how far I went or what I did. I genuinely thought I was gay, but she’s been under the impression that I wasn’t that confused. I was confused, but I wasn’t re-molesting myself every two days she thinks that I had some sense of reality because that’s what I’ve indicated to her. But right now I have no proof that’s really what happened and how do I told her that I got really confused and got sexually involved with people and lost my mind. She would’ve had grace for that picture she would’ve thought out there’s nothing he did there that couldn’t be redeemed or fixed because he was just genuinely confused And him he’s aware of that and he feels bad about it but that was just his life. He was molested. He got really screwed up and he really thought he was gay, but he wasn’t and people took advantage of that and he let himself get taken advantage of because he didn’t understand the difference between performance, and actually being physically present in your own body And doing things because you want to do them all and not just because you’re pleasing people or putting on a show things like that and so it’s hard to explain completely but she would’ve realize that I was just re-victimizing myself essentially and she would’ve had grace for it But I had I didn’t tell her that I never told her that I indicated and I haven’t I’ve indicated that that never happened that I was never that messed up that I I understood to some degree that I wasn’t really enjoying myself, so I never tried to sort of you know, give myself to men or enjoy that process of even being you know, loose Because I I told her that that wasn’t my experience. And that’s the problem people think they’re being clever, and they’re not.

I told her the truth, and she began to understand it a while ago. But I never got a chance to explain certain things, because people kept preventing her from hearing and understanding in her own mind with her own brilliance that they do not possess at all, how accurate what she was understanding actually was. And that picture was showing to her at a time when she was just starting to comprehend that I was entirely straight. And so she’s just lost it with me now, because I knew that picture would be offensive to her, but I didn’t realize how offensive it would really be. Because I thought that I could explain myself that it’s not like I really meant it so to speak that it was me being attracted to a woman more than a man and then actually, I wasn’t even attracted to men at all I was just faking it, but I didn’t realize That she would not realize that I was faking it all the time like that I wasn’t I didn’t I didn’t realize that she was that she would think that that was how I was with everybody and that it couldn’t possibly just be a picture. and she’s not like most women most women get that upset but they’re not serious. Lacey is dead serious! There is no going back with her, which is something the Kennedys were in denial about before I’ve even met them. There is no going back with her. She shows mercy through Christ, but otherwise she would rarely be that merciful and certain situations. Lacey is a woman of justice and love and truth and courage and humility but she is not a person who understands mercy the way that God does. Which is something people can barely comprehend today like cognitively almost at all. She’s not a hateful person, though her lack of mercy is grounded in justice, and an actual sense of righteousness. It’s like a Jew, or possibly even an ancient Egyptian. It’s not some thing that people today understand.

And it’s actually not a bad thing in a way, Jews might be able to explain it to you it’s not that she likes love. It’s that she understands the depths of evil and how serious certain things really are. But God‘s mercy is astounding and people today unfortunately may not understand that completely. They don’t GRAS Paul, astounding mercy is because they don’t understand why her anger and rage is found in God. They think she’s just ludicrous and prissy and silly and nonsensical but she’s not. She’s a genius and her anger is very well founded and so you have to understand why she’s angry before you can understand how astounding God’s mercy really is. Even like intellectually you can’t really fathom how profoundly miraculous his mercy is, if you don’t understand why she’s angry.

People think that she is the self-righteous stupid snob, and she’s not.

And then they think how could someone possibly be better than me and be that tough?

But she is.

And there are plenty of children who are being violated as we speak, who have a very similar perspective on the world as hers.

And they’re not stupid they’re not brainwashed in that way. They’re more aware than you and I are. Or you and I were. I’ve become more aware.

I was not raised well in that way.

and a lot of men have a hard time with her strengths because they don’t understand how women could be that strong because it points out to them the vanity of the middle class.

Lacey is not middle class and that’s part of how she’s able to be the way that she is.

And of course Satan loves that.

But that’s not her fault at all.

She’s just that rare of a person.

That photograph was not some thing that she was supposed to see now she should’ve seen it two years ago when she understood the context people have been so determined to make me someone that I wasn’t that she doesn’t even remember what she knew two years ago about me. That being said, I do have to say that that photograph was an exception. And I really was thinking of a woman the whole time I took that picture. The way I have my private area photographed is not gay it is, but it’s not and that’s because I wasn’t gay and I didn’t really know how to take a gay photo accurately. I didn’t understand the concept of a man playing with your balls to be blunt. No, I’m being completely blunt.

And I barely understood the concept of showing off your penis. I I got it, but not not completely. Because I wasn’t really interested in that I wasn’t really interested in having a man play with my genitalia. And so I took that photograph entirely aroused by women, and not at all by men. And actually it’s energetically in the photograph, and she even read that. She literally took about an hour to read that photograph they about two or three days ago, which is why this is so serious she sat for an hour reading that photograph, and if there’s an illuminati, they do this kind of shit to her all the fucking time.

She perfectly read it I seem straight because I was I seem to be aroused by a woman and not a man because that’s what happened. I even said that before she read it that way, and it had nothing to do with her and in a sense that she heard me say it, and then thought it I said that and then because she’s a ditz and she’s incredibly honest to a brutal degree and she read it as what it is me being aroused by a woman. I was aroused by the thought of a woman when I saw that I’ve told people that I was watching pornography that was straight at the time I had a playboy collection. That was what I was thinking about when I pose for that photo, I posed in a gay way Based on ideas that I had about homosexuality in, but also based on Images that I had seen. and so I had it in my head that that was how you looked when you were coming onto men, but I wasn’t really coming onto a man I mean I was but not in any sort of real way and there’s a very nuanced difference, but there is a difference.

And so I couldn’t I couldn’t really have been with a man and actually enjoyed myself. Lacey was talking with Cyrus this morning who believes that they are nonbinary. Whether they are or not. and Cyrus prefers men. And Cyrus expressed to Lacey that he believed her that she doesn’t really want to be with women. But he understood that she would be able to pretend to enjoy herself somehow with a woman, and it would be pretty convincing to some women who were done, so unfortunately for them, or narcissistic. Probably not more than once because it would be too gross and weird to her because she’s straight but he believes her that she could have done that. Has she been more like me and then capable of being that confused that’s not in her personality will say to get that confused and that way and she’s had to argue with a lot of people about that because people think that they’re liberating her and helping her when in reality they’re really not there just tormenting her. She is an actual legitimate straight woman. And he understands they understand because they really do prefer men. Possibly almost exclusively, if not entirely exclusively. And so he understood that sometimes people really don’t want to be with women and it’s not personal. It’s not an insult. The desire just isn’t there. And that was comforting to her because to her it feels like there are no allies and her heterosexuality anymore. It’s just it’s like nobody seems to believe her that she really doesn’t want to be with a woman. It’s really hard for people to except that about her, and it’s terrifying to her as a mother as a woman, it’s terrifying to her the way that femininity has been stolen for women. The way that gender is Bendy filed on the way that the Trump administration exacerbates that problem because they make the conversation stupid. They don’t believe that Cyrus is having a real experience that he’s actually a non-binary person who’s almost exclusively if not exclusively attracted to men Lacey knows if that is Cyrus his experience for some reason whether he’s insane whether he is different whether that’s good or bad she knows that he’s sincere or that he should be taken sincerely. And that if we don’t, we’re ruining conscious thought and conversation.

And Cyrus is smart enough to know that she’s not pier evil, and that she probably needed someone to just step in and say hey, it’s OK if you don’t wanna be with a woman not a man a woman it’s OK if you don’t want to be with a woman I understand I don’t really like that either most of the time and you’re safe with me we don’t have to be with women we can just hang out. And that sounds so stupid because why would a woman be afraid of women but he gets it. Or at least with her this morning he did I wouldn’t trust that individual all the time but with her this morning on a psychic level if there’s no illuminati, Cyrus was very protective of her.

And there are some people who believe in reincarnation and find out a little creepy because he looks like he could be related to her family will say genetically in someway if there’s reincarnation, and obviously that’s hard for them both to handle because he tends to think that it’s true and she tends to think it’s not but that’s the thing it’s like all these things have to constantly being discussion and be considered and it’s totally unfair

People are always acting offended. Always acting hurt by her when she doesn’t see things exactly their way exactly when they want them want her to.

And the problem is, she’s really being mutilated from the inside out, but she’s defending herself.

I made a horrific mistake. I didn’t realize that she would be that affected by that photograph. So I ate I thought I could explain it where it’s like. Oh no, no that was a one time thing I wasn’t posing for photographs like that all the time that was very rare, and it was sort of a homage to Jack and the photographs that I would take with him And it was different I guess because I was realizing progressively as I got older that I was straight, so I was more in touch with myself as a heterosexual, and I always was in touch without part of myself, but I became more consciously aware of it in my 60s and 50s because just aging and I begin to realize that I was really straight And he died and that was part of it too but I think I might’ve realized that anyway at that age and so I just became more in touch with that part of my self but it wasn’t because I was trying to defile her.

And yet I did. Because that is the look, I have on my face when we have sex and she does see it so in a sense yes it is proof that I’m real but it’s not funny because she wasn’t there the person taking a photograph experienced that part of me, and we didn’t sleep together, and if they were men, it wouldn’t have mattered anyway, but we didn’t sleep together and he didn’t really see me being aroused by him, and if it was a woman we didn’t sleep together. But she doesn’t know that, and I didn’t realize completely how my face had changed, and that I was starting to show my actual orientation in a way that I hadn’t consciously shown it before.

No, I was I was aroused by a woman I really was and I was not thinking of a man at all. And at all. And yeah, and it caught me off guard when I realized that that was a photograph of us without her being there.

That she gave no permission for me to ever expressed that to anybody. I see the problem is I was a virgin when I took that picture and so when I was expressing that I was giving away way too much information to people about my actual desires for a woman, because I have never been with a woman and so I didn’t realize the boundary. It was like oh yeah boy I would like to have sex. I am gay so it would have to be with a man so I’ll do a gay pose and make a gay smile but but it’s but it’s really about a woman so I was sitting there, thinking about a naked woman who I would like to have sex with Her and she actually was in the back of my mind believe it or not. She actually literally has the spirit was in my mind in the back of my mind. I was thinking of her is my absolute ideal, and I was getting aroused by her entirely by her actually, and there were other women that I was thinking of that I had seen I mean there were there were other women that I had seen in magazines in pornography, that I think that that did come to mind a few of them are models, but it was entirely really just her who aroused me enough to take that picture. Because it was supposed to be a sexual picture. It was supposed to be a reference to me being the gayest soul who ever lived so I was supposed to look happy and gay, but then also be a homosexual, which is what Jack was trying to make a joke about that I was so gay.

I pacified a lot of people a lot a lot of people think I was more in love with him that I was because they wanted to think that. Because people wanted to have that idea that I was happy, and madly in love with him still because that that that made them happy to think that that I still loved him and I’m not imagining things there were people who really wanted to think that

But I wasn’t.

But I would play along with that concept and humor people, and say things, and do things that I didn’t really mean.

And when I said, I love jack, my whole life, that was part of what I was doing, was hearing people who wanted to think that we had been madly in love, and that Jack really had a heart, and that he was mysterious and gay, and that he was very special to me. It’s part of why you can’t stand. The thought of me being with Lacey is because then I give my prestige and integrity entirely to her and you don’t want her to have anything like that from anybody.

No, genuinely you people can’t stand the thought of her actually being loved and accepted as a human for who she is almost at all.

Cyrus is able to care about her, because Cyrus is Middle Eastern and smart and capable of thinking outside the box. But honestly, I hate to say this, but it’s mostly because he’s Middle Eastern. And that’s where some people get scared because they can’t figure out how that’s possible if there’s not reincarnation. Because it seems like he knows her somehow in some very deep way, and thinks the entire thing is just utter shit and he’s right it is, but how does he know that if there’s not reincarnation? And in maybe God could just be showing those people but it’s scary to some people because it doesn’t really make sense that he has this sort of pressure natural understanding of her where he can almost vouch for her and say no no I know this person she’s not lying and this is bad.

And again, you can’t just trust every Middle Eastern person with Lacey but there’s something really shameful about it if there is reincarnation that she’s had to resort to something so ancient because what the hell happened to western civilization that she can’t just be herself around white people and have them believe her anymore!?

And no, they do believe her, but not the way that they should not not any sane, rational normal way, and she is white. But if there’s reincarnations, I am Constantine and I let Jack Kennedy have parts of my soul that I never intended for him to have. And it’s very hard for you to shift your thinking and realize that you’re just off. Because that’s scary it’s painful it’s tiring and you can’t believe that you’re really just that wrong about a lot. So people like Cyrus can because they’re not part of western civilization and their brains and that way and they’re not as confused. And but for a lot of Westerners, and actually, Putin is confused, but not the way most Westerners are and I would say most Russians are a lot like that they’re not as confused the British are, and are not. Because if there is reincarnation, he really was that much of a rapist molesting dog from Hell. And the other night when read, Faye was trying to help her part of that was to save his own skin because he saw how badly things were going. Should there be reincarnation.

She doesn’t know that I was actually not aroused by anyone but her and that photograph in any real way and actually she would understand if I was aroused by women because I’m straight and she wasn’t there and she has a Lotta grace for that. I love really is that deep and sincere that she really would’ve understood that but because I was straight and because I I really was looking for someone like her, I was aroused by her in that photograph entirely. But then I gave credit to Jack and gay men in general well yes, gay men in general, but mostly Jack. I acted like I was aroused by him, and other men. But that was complete bullshit. He never arouse me that way at all he and he he wasn’t really who I was thinking about so it’s kind of like one of those things Cyrus is laughing. Were you close your eyes during sex and you think of someone else and I was thinking of her so in a way it’s a positive thing because I didn’t want anyone but her. But in a bad sense, I was giving the credit to him. So, in a way it was like Jack was plagiarizing her identity and her soul.

And they do that and that family they get ghost riders they plagiarize people that’s very common Chris Hayes. Does that as well I’m almost certain of it and I am saying that not her but know that a lot of those people plagiarize people on the left a lot of those people who come from trash backgrounds to be blunt, who are very popular tend to be plate play Dress. They tend to be con artist plagiarizer‘s. They tend to do stuff like that. That’s very common on the left amongst people like Chris Hayes And JFK the weather JFK did that or not or Jackie know whether or not Chris Hayes did that or not JFK certainly did and so did Bobby Bobby cheated a lot and that whole family is like that the left is very intellectually cheap and that’s a sad truth they’re not as grand and wealthy And sophisticated in that way as the right. But I was not trying to help Jack plagiarize Lacey soul. And I wasn’t actually trying to give him credit where she deserved it. It’s that I didn’t oh, I didn’t think that it was likely that I would experience in heaven and on earth, so I was photographing myself experiencing her sexual beauty and my desire for her, but living in the reality is that she would never see the picture or if she did, she would just understand and it would be no big deal because it would be after I was dead and she would just think the whole thing was a joke you know cause it’s like she just was wasn’t there and it was just no big deal because it’s not real, even though it’s real I thought it was real like in heaven I probably would meet this woman that I kept thinking about her and I was pretty convinced that she existed. I’ve told her that so I was looking forward to seeing her and I knew it was real, but I also didn’t think it was real, but it was real and so I ended up taking a photograph of myself, having sex with her in my mind , in a way that is unconscionable.

See if I had sex with a woman while I was alive I would’ve realized that in my head and in my spirit, she was there somehow, and I wouldn’t have known how, but I would’ve thought I’m channeling this woman and she’s real. She’s got to be real, I would’ve thought, I’m channeling a ghost or she’s somewhere else but she exists and I’m talking to a real person and I would’ve known that. Because when you’re having sex with someone and it’s consensual and you’re in love and it’s the right gender, you experience it in your spirit because you’re engaging in a real way and it’s not scary and it’s not bad because it’s an ad it’s a normal thing for an adult to do with another adult if it’s actually genuinely real and consensual and real. And so if I had actual genuine sex with a woman, I would have realized that that part of my brain was engaged with her while we were sleeping together. I would’ve thought. Oh no, no this is like this is real, and I would’ve realized when I thought about that woman that she wasn’t just some ideal in heaven that I was going to be with someday, but that she was an actual person who really physically existed in a sense.

So it’s kind of like oh that’s an actual spirit that has an actual like energy I’ll say that’s not just my imagination I’m not just dreaming of the perfect woman for me. This is a real person and I don’t know where they are. I don’t know what’s going on, but this is a real person. And I never process that so I thought no this is a real person but if they’re in heaven, it’s no big deal. This person will understand that I am taking this photograph of us basically having sex and then I’m pretending to be gay while I’m doing it, and that won’t be offensive to her at all.

And you know I could’ve done stuff like this all the time for Sheena for all she knows I am I did not. I actually didn’t and that’s very hard to believe but I actually really didn’t take photographs like that almost ever or make jokes like that with people I really didn’t have the dirty mind the jack said that I did I really didn’t I I really didn’t I ate I did talk about stuff with him, but there’s a difference between engaging and making things happen I was not the instigator of that that wasn’t really my personality or my character. I wasn’t someone who enjoyed that and that does match up with my psychology. After he died I didn’t turn into this absolute slut and frankly, if I was that person who had that dirty mind that doesn’t go away just because he’s dead and so it’s very likely that I would’ve probably gotten involved with somebody else and been dirty with that person but that never happened. There’s no record of me being with some man after him and having a long-term public relationship that was noted and it would’ve had to be very public. He would’ve had to be with me probably beat the Kennedys. She probably would’ve been in photographs with them. I might have been I might’ve been living with him and no Bobby does not count. This would’ve been another adult and I would’ve been because it would’ve had to of been at an adult teenagers can be dirty sure but I wasn’t a pedophile and kids aren’t really capable of being dirty the way the net an adult is they don’t know enough they just haven’t experienced that much of life in so I couldn’t have been dirty the way that I wanted to be and the way that I would’ve had to have been, if Jack was telling the truth, because he was describing somebody who is very intensely dirty and precocious I mean the way that he describes me I sound more sexually aggressive than him and he was a predators. It sounds like he was my victim, and he was petty in my hands and he just didn’t know what to do with me which psychologically would require for me to be very intensely sexual person and there are people like that there really are to be honest the comedian Al Franken is a little bit like that.

Al Franken is a little bit that he is a little bit dirty in the way that Jack Kennedy describes me I wasn’t like that I was not Al Franken Al Franken really is who he describes but as a homosexual I wasn’t like that I was not Al Franken. and that’s the thing if if he had died it’s very unlikely that I wouldn’t have found somebody my own age to because no there is a certain level of sophistication that is lacking in a teenager and I would’ve required that even if it was someone in their 20s or 30s, I would’ve needed somebody who was a real adult and it would’ve been hard for me psychologically to exist without that if I was like hell because that’s just the way he thinks that’s just like people like that. Are they get anxious they get frustrated when they don’t have someone to joke around with or talk to you and be cantankerous with in a way, that’s just their psychology and I seem like him slightly but we’re different people. And me being gay does it make me less sexually interested that doesn’t make any sense.

So the person that they’ve described just doesn’t exist and no I wasn’t that dirty I wasn’t like that I was awkward. I was IMO possibly I was goth somewhat in my my aesthetic as a person before those things even existed and I was a rebellious kid but I wasn’t, I wasn’t really a sexual powerhouse will say in that way as a person. That really is more Jackson, Vansh, and of me in his imagination where I’m in love with him and I’m gay. I just like how I was this great kisser, and I really wasn’t he. He did create a perspective in his writing and interpretation of my writing that was false. That was an actually reality. And then you have to read between the lines and realize that when he begs for me to contact him, it actually meant something.

And Al Franken is saying that if he ignored somebody for three weeks, he probably would be a little sick of them and he’s right, but no one accepts that nobody nobody accepts that.

and part of that is my fault. I allowed people to think that I was gay. I wanted people to think that because that’s what I thought I was. And so if I had been raped by Jack, and if he had pooped all over my body and then required me to keep going, even though I didn’t really want to, and I wasn’t even physically capable of it because I was never really interested in the first place and he was forcing me to begin with. I would’ve freaked out because I would’ve thought that he was gonna kill my family And unfortunately, that’s real. He actually threaten to kill my family if I didn’t fuck him in the ass literally. He literally threaten the life of me and my entire family if I didn’t give him anal sex, and he was completely serious. In Maryland’s death as proof that that. I knew he would let people die, or kill them if they got in his way. His family was extremely wealthy. They had connections. I knew that my family’s actual life was at stake and that it wasn’t a joke and it wasn’t just hyperbole and it wasn’t an act. I knew he literally was threatening my life and my family’s life. And people don’t wanna think that that’s possible but that actually did happen.

Bobby may not know that. Eunice knew that Ted was one of the people who threaten my life. He threatened my life many times in the 70s and shortly before I died. Part of their emphasis on making me their little pet and claiming that it was my last wish to be carried around is because they want to make it seem like I was happy with them when I really wasn’t or that I was struggling to try to be with them desperately When actually they were holding me hostage because I knew too much. I knew too much, and I didn’t want to be with them, and they were narcissistic and evil.

Yeah, and then that’s for Taylor Swift is an absolute fucking idiot.

And Aretha Franklin was right about her. She’s good at dressing and looking pretty, but she’s not as smart as she thinks that she is or is sophisticated or as old money either. I wish her well, but she can go fuck herself.

Her songs have tortured Lacey, and even though that’s not at all what bothers Lacey the most is bothered her and I am angry too because I know what really happened and I know how much of a little cuck that bitch is. I know she actually likes them the way that I supposedly dead or she used to. She wanted to be like what she thinks I was but she has no fucking clue how stupid and unsophisticated and immature and gullible she is in comparison to Lacey, and a hell of a lot of other people.. I am sorry, but it’s offensive to me and it will be to Lacey someday too, and she really understands. And Taylor pretends to be so innocent and sweet and wise and she’s not. Her songs have turned into garbage and she’s not popular anymore because she is a cuck.  And I say that to her lovingly.

and I was being held hostage and ripped knows that, but he didn’t understand how bad things really are or he’s a total jerk. So I took that photograph and thought of her, and gave Jack Credit, but it was done in innocence, and honestly it doesn’t entirely matter, but she needed to know that because it does matter somewhat. And no it was. It actually was a real innocent mistake. what is a channeling her energy and she was there or was I channeling her energy in the future that is very theologically complicated.

But it actually was an innocent mistake.

And I know I wasn’t aroused by a man I was advertising that I was but it was fake. And I think a lot of men knew that. Back then anyway.

And there were a decent number of men who met me, and who knew that I was full of it somehow. And Lacey knows that because she is incredibly intelligent and she can read people that way. And yet she doesn’t entirely because people like to tell her that she doesn’t know what she’s talking about when she actually does. And she is humble and intellectually honest.

I would have feared for my life, and that I would’ve tried desperately to have sex with Jack, and then we would have not been able to to in that situation. the smell of his poop. The sight of him being so aroused, would’ve been repulsive to me as a straight man. And so I wouldn’t have been able to handle the situation and still imagine a woman which is what I did when I was giving him anal and managed to stay somewhat hard. I just kept thinking of a woman because it’s like oh this feels good kind of like a vagina, but if I thought about what I was actually doing, it’s stopped being pleasurable to me at all physically, and I couldn’t do it anymore because it was just too unarousing. So I literally had when I did that to him and he never saw it because how would he he was not looking at me and I mean we could’ve done it in other ways, but he still wouldn’t have known what I was thinking about. We never made eye contact, and I never had sex with him in any sort of missionary position. I never looked at him while I was giving him oral sex believe it or not no really I didn’t. I never thought to. and I didn’t want to so it never happened so you know when I did give him anal and I was never that hard, but when I did, I would just think of a woman and he would bend over and I would try to give him sex. That happened very rarely but it did happen when I gave him oral it was methodical and very dull really, but he didn’t care and he thought it was spectacular.

I think that might’ve been obviously where what a kisser came from because I knew what I was doing in a sentence. I imagined what One was supposed to do and know him I either never masturbated while I was giving him oral pleasure or if I did, I didn’t like it, and so I didn’t keep doing it. I think when people hear things they don’t realize that that that I should be taken more seriously. And I really was heterosexual and I think people like Taylor, Swift, and Bobby don’t understand that concept.

I genuinely think Bobby and Taylor don’t understand what a real heterosexual is.

Cyrus seems to, but even though Cyrus didn’t live in $1 million house in Pennsylvania, and his dark, to be honest, he seems more old money then Taylor Swift. And I’m sure he I’m sure Cyrus feels bad about that, but I wouldn’t be surprised. If there’s some sort of old money aesthetic, and his actual family that’s authentic wherever they came from the way that Taylor and Bobby are not. and I’m not saying he’s a safe person. He could be someone of a sex predator there’s times when he says things that concern me, but I would bet that he is more sophisticated and sophisticated and aware that either of them are about a lot of things.

You could go to the opera with Cyrus and he wouldn’t be lost. I’m not sure to be honest if Taylor and Bobby would have the same ability.

And yes Taylor I’m sorry that is an insult to you as a musical artist. Not from Lacey from me.

You can’t rely on other people to tell you what’s going on at the opera Taylor you have to read it you have to understand it and you have to be able to sit there silently and appreciate it. No one‘s gonna give you any attention and you have to actually be able to enjoy something without someone noticing you. Is she intellectually capable of that, or not?

I don’t think Cheryl could do it. Cheryl’s a fucking idiot. I don’t even know if Larry David could do a lot of these people who you think you’re so smart are really not that smart. And if you have to sit through some of the most boring operas, and be silent and appropriate, you get bored, if you’re not intellectually capable of following, it. Cyrus would be able to do it, so would Lacey obviously, and so would I but I don’t know if someone who isn’t raised in that and doesn’t understand that could actually do it.

There is something, particularly old money about the opera when it’s done correctly.

So, in reality, I thought of women and I And I actually did not come inside of him. I don’t think ever people don’t realize that as a man you’re capable of having an ejaculation without really being that sexually thrilled by the experience, which is how gay men who are actual gay men are still capable of creating children with women. Because you can ejaculate without enjoying yourself to some degree. You you you sort of have an experience but it’s not necessarily all that pleasurable every time if you’re with the wrong person doing the wrong thing and so yeah, unfortunately you can come without really being that aroused. And I’m not sure that’s a Women even realize that today we’re alive today, but no, unfortunately when a man ejaculate, it’s not proof that he’s in love with you it’s not proof that he even really enjoyed himself necessarily as much as you think he did. You can tell when a man is actually enjoying himself. Some men are good actors, but you can sort of sort through that.

But I actually was not aroused by men, and I actually really did not even ejaculate in Jack’s butt hole because I couldn’t even do that. I was so straight and on aroused by him that even if I thought about women, I couldn’t quite get myself to stay hard enough to really even do that I mean there was a point where I stopped being able to do anything because I went limp. And no this is real. This is actually real. I’m not lying to her to make her feel better. This is actually what happened.

Am I he didn’t require anal sex, and hardly ever him there were times when he wanted it frankly, but it was not often. Usually he just wanted someone to give him a blow job. And that was and that was  oh, that was very in difficult for him to understand about himself because he thought that he just wanted sexual release, but he didn’t understand that he really wanted a blow job from a man and that it wasn’t just about sexual release. And he really was unfortunately kind of an idiot. 

And so he thought that he was just having sexual release sort of a bro job I guess but he wanted a bro job not a job from a woman he actually wanted a man to service him not a woman. But he still thought it was a brojob. And in so he would be very adamant about that that he wanted a man to service him, and at times I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it because I was straight and I just wasn’t able to make myself do it, and so that’s where I would sometimes actually hire men who are prostitutes to service him. And people think I was so possessive of him but I wasn’t he slept with red. He slept with a lot of different people. The people who he didn’t sleep with I don’t know what that was about entirely, but I will someday, but I suspect that he just was using them somehow to seem straight or that he was using them to feel better than them or better about himself. I think he pretended sometimes to be really straight and offended because he was trying to hurt people who may be really had feelings for him and I suspect that gore Vidal, and at least one of his friends had actual gay, romantic feelings for Jack, and I think That he used rejecting them is a sort of emotional manipulative tool, to seem better than everybody and untouchable.

And probably also to make me seem loved and cherished by him in a way that I was not. He was creating of a sense that I was special, and that people should be jealous of me, but I was straight and I was not possessive, even though people think I was, and he knew that to some degree especially as time went on, and he used the rejection of other people as a way to make it seem like I was happier than I was, and that I was attracted to him and that he know he was really doing me a huge favor and it was this big deal When in reality, I was burdened by it and I was straight. I really was not confused the way that some people are. And Lacey is right unless if you were being raped by somebody and they’re keeping you hostage mentally and you can’t really keep thinking that you’re attracted to the wrong gender there are some people who could probably probably experience that but I was I was not one of them. I was frigid and difficult, because I was straight. That photo doesn’t suggest that, but it actually is the truth. I really wasn’t interested in having sex with him or any other man and that was part of why people maybe got the impression that I was asexual or that I hated waking up with people, because I really wasn’t interested because I was straight And that was how I tolerated his infidelity, and the fact that he never was reciprocating. Oh and yeah, I did take a few photos. I maybe even said a few things that were offensive and obviously that’s very serious, but I really wasn’t that confused.

No, I really wasn’t and I wasn’t a pedophile either.

I so obviously in a scenario that Lacey describes which never really happened because what happened in reality it was that I just gave up he didn’t seem to care. And I think he may have thought that I just came and then I was done. And because I was inside of him, and I don’t think he thought that I was capable of something more than that, or if he did think that he just lived in denial of it. So I think sometimes he just thought that I couldn’t come for some magical reason that still made him sexy and amazing and we gain in love with him or he thought that you know I was just a total limp dick loser that he was doing a huge favor for.

And no a I, in that case I… and that actually did happen. Once I wasn’t that aroused, I went inside of him he got very aroused, and he pooped. That was in the 1950s in the beginning of the 1950s he was buried, and he, I think had started to find me more attractive, because I think he was developing as a person, and he started having stronger feelings, oh, and I think he started to realize that he was gay and so he started experiencing that and I was still straight, and I actually was a little bit creeped out by it because I was straight. But I didn’t realize that this was a bad thing I didn’t have that intuitive sense. So he started getting more interested and forced me to have anal sex with him and yeah, he threaten my family’s life that time that was common for him when he would have anal sex with me he would often threaten my life if I didn’t do it. Oh and no it’s because I didn’t really want to and I was clear about that but I just wasn’t in the mood I just wasn’t interested wasn’t it wasn’t what I wanted to do but he just wasn’t interested in that and so he would threaten my family’s life.

And on that occasions I was inside of him very shortly before he pooped because he got very aroused and he pooped. I was surprised, and I was not really sexually experienced and that way because I was straight and so I hadn’t had that experience before, and it surprised me, and yeah it just sort of shot out of it. oh, and I cleaned myself up and I cleaned him up and then I am it just sort of didn’t go very far after that because I was straight and it wasn’t possible for us to make love. So it wasn’t really possible for us to make love and what ended up happening was that we just well we just sort of stopped but that’s hard for Lacey to believe but that’s what happened. We just sort of stopped. He was not as embarrassed as he should’ve been because I think he literally thought that his shit didn’t stink, but he just kind of acted like it was no big deal and laughed about it, and then just kind of shrugged her shoulders and time I think he made a joke about giving me oral sex, but my penis was covered in poop and that was the joke. And I I actually declined because I wasn’t that interested and my penis was covered in his poop. Or the remnants of it. And he may have been slightly hurt by that actually because he got very angry when I said no that’s fine and he shoves me in and know this really happened and then he shoved me like I have done something wrong, and then walked off in a huff. I think he walked off and a half because he thought that I had done some thing really offensive. I I am pretty sure that he went and got high. I think he probably injected meth of some sort into him, or some sort of drug that lifted up his mood, and then re-emerge, smiling and happy and high as a kite. So he obviously didn’t get what he wanted and then he walked off, got high and then came back, and and that was how he handled the rest of the night he he know just being high and drunk. Because it wasn’t really genuine connection for him it was narcissistic genuine connection, and if it was at all, and then it was also just feeling good from the after effects of sex, and so he could get that same affect by just using drugs, and in his mind, I was really in love with him so he could just shove me how to shoot up and then he’d be fine. But I was one of many people so I wasn’t special people think I was special I wasn’t special to him.

And I wasn’t special to him. I was one of the many people and I’m not sure what was special to him. And I think winning was special to him, but not completely. I don’t know what was special I don’t. I have no idea

If Lacey had had this situation happen, that happen, though it would’ve been a bit different Because he was much more into it, and the way that she described it. And she envisioned him being a lot more open and vulnerable about what he really wanted. He was never that honest about what he was really looking for from men. What would I have done if he done that I would have been scared and shocked, believe it or not and him home that’s because it just would’ve taken me off guard for him to be so honest and vulnerable all of a sudden about what he was really feeling and thinking, so if he did that I would’ve been shocked and scared and I would’ve tried because I was afraid for my family’s life. And I would have tried them, but then, as I was trying, I would have not been able to do it, and to be honest… I would’ve probably taken a gun and shot him. There were guns available. I would’ve probably taken a gun shot him, and then tried desperately to cover up the murder. And then be perfectly honest with you I could’ve done it. But he was never that vulnerable and I strongly suspect that’s why because he knew that if he was that vulnerable with me, I would blow up and possibly kill him.

Because I would realize that I had power over him, and that it was absurd to take him so seriously but also that he was real and sincere, and that I really didn’t want it. And so he must have somewhat known that he was raping me and enjoyed it to some degree.

Hey, I’d not realize when I took that picture that the woman who I was thinking of would not enjoy the fact that I was using her. And that she would be real the way that Lacey is. I and I didn’t understand it that she wouldn’t think it was funny and casual and meaningless. And I regret to say that I’ve almost destroyed everything that I’ve made with Lacey I assuming that. And yes, I have destroyed everything almost. I have destroyed, almost everything.

I I have not destroyed everything and there’s no way I am ever letting her go but what I have worked for over the last three years is nothing compared to what I thought I had. And I’m beginning to realize how men are able to seduce her. And why I have such a hard time talking to her at times. I thought things were better than they were because she is such a sensitive, tender hearted person that I didn’t realize that she was that distant from me all of the time. I thought things were fine because she is such a sweetheart that I just assumed that we were fine. I had no idea that she was really that distant. And because I thought oh you know what we have a special and so I am wrong I haven’t destroyed anything. Why I have, I have an a sense somewhat?

But not really because she’s explained this to me and I’m getting it.

Men are able to turn her head and get her attention Because there is a huge chasm between us, all of us, the time. And it wasn’t something that she knew consciously how to label, but it was always there. and I and I think she thought that I thought I was worth shit that I would just come after her and try to stop her from being with other people which is actually perfectly reasonable. It’s like oh so you’re going half with other men or you’re pretending to on film you know what I can tell that you were straight and I know that that wasn’t real for you but not everyone else knows that to say the least, and it’s devastating the way you handle things so Being as unimpressed with you, as I am… hi, I think you’re going to have to explain to me how exactly I belong to you.

Oh, and she’s right it doesn’t make any sense. Because what right when I have to claim her I haven’t been able to tell her how much I love her I really haven’t and there’s really no way for her to know. She hears it in her spirit, and she can tell that I am completely serious, and that what we have could actually be extraordinary, but I have not been able to communicate that to her. And so based on that being who she is, she doesn’t feel the need to be faithful under certain circumstances. And it’s legally correct. There’s nothing binding about our interactions with each other and in her mind I could easily screw her over and so why the fuck would she be loyal to someone who could just throw her off a cliff and it would be evil and awful, but what she’s experience with ghosts in purgatory has informed her that we’re not binding to have to give a fuck about our salvation. We can sit around on our fucking ass, like a bunch of losers, not working on being better people not trying to be more sanctified mean, and that to her is deplorable and so She thinks you know I don’t know what this man’s gonna do to me he’s in purgatory most likely potentially he’s not in hell, but I’m not convinced that he’s not gonna try to screw me over so if the white person comes along, like Constantine or Louis or or or Harold Lowe, and he seems to love me more the way that Christ loved the church I’m not just gonna sit there and pretend like it’s OK that Lem doesn’t treat me that way. And you know me I keep telling her no we’re in love. This is so special. There’s nothing like this with anybody but her response to that is fuck you I’ve heard that before and she’s heard stuff like that before Joe told her stuff like that a lot of men have told her stuff like that and so to her it’s just fuck you and you know she’s not wrong. 

she loves people she really does but she’s not an idiot the way that you want her to be.

Oh, and so no she’s not waiting around to find out how in love with her I am because to her if I’m not showing her there’s no interest it’s just like so she’ll be patient and loving and merciful towards me in Christ but she’s not gonna wait around and make a fool of herself.

And I’ve understood that is legitimately how she thinks she’s not just trying to find an excuse to sleep with people she genuinely just can’t figure out who she belongs to. And… I either think I’ve realized until today that part of it is her being incredibly shrewd, when it comes to things that have happened. And because she’s not actually being taken advantage of me by me, I really did not understand the importance of that photo. I just didn’t get it. I kind of understood. But I did not fully understand.

Lacey, I really didn’t want sex with men. I really did not want that. And there’s no way for you to know that. Because this isn’t even an orientation, it could be something that I told myself into thinking. Because I was molested and people were taking advantage of me. And I would have been allowing it, but I also would’ve been allowing it as an adult. That was not what happened! I really wasn’t that confused or that selfish or that vain or that broken. I I actually really was just falsely advertising. And I never intended for anyone to take me up on it. I didn’t understand when I used to flirt with Jack what I was doing believe it or not I really didn’t but for whatever reason I did understand that when you pose like that…you’re generally looking for sex. And I wasn’t…looking for sex with Jack. …I was looking for sex…theoretically in this photo. Except I wasn’t really looking. …And that was my gay persona. And…it was just a combination of the two. My persona and…the idea of sex. Why? …Because I was ‘gay’ and…that was a reference to gay sex.

It’s a sexual pose. A gay sexual pose.” says Lem.

“Why does it seem…you used that persona during sex though?” says Lacey.

“I had figured out by that point…that…that attitude…was arousing to men. …Acting…effeminate. In that particular way. …It actually did take me time to figure that out. Because I just didn’t get it. …But…I realized by then through dating men…that…they found…that particular persona arousing. …I hadn’t realized it until after Jack died. …But by then I understood better that men actually found it arousing. …Just through trial and error. …I met more men after Jack died. And spent more time with them. …And…I realized what actually was arousing. …You don’t have to believe that. How could you know?” says Lem.

Lacey thinks.

“So…you’re mad about it?” he says.

“It’s not…me.” says Lacey.

“No. It’s not.” says Lem.

“You were really thinking about me?” says Lacey.

“Yes.” he says.

“But Lem…that’s not me.” says Lacey.

He thinks. “How?”

“I’m not that…WEIRD.” says Lacey.

“How is me being gay weird?” says Lem.

“Because you’re too…straight. Literally. Your posture is all wrong.” says Lacey.

“I slouched!” says Lem.

“No. You didn’t.” says Lacey.

He goes into shock. “I didn’t…you’re right. Not the right way.”

“Your back was too upright.” says Lacey.

“And my stomach muscles were too strong.” says Lem.

“Yes.” says Lacey.

“What else!?” he says.

“You just…don’t have what it takes. …It’s just not you.” says Lacey. “You’d be a very sexy gay man. To me. …But somehow I’m not sure…you really work.”

“But I was JFK’s best friend!” he says.

“Why is that really so impressive?” she says.

He thinks. “Why isn’t it?”

“Because he’s…only good-looking in posed photos.” she says.

“Could you be faithful TO HIM?” says Lem.

“Does he cheat?” asks Lacey.

“Yes.” says Lem.

“NEVER.” says Lacey.

“No.” says Lem.

Lacey thinks. “I’d have to force myself to be.”

“Really!?” he says.

“He’s very sexually unsatisfying to look at. …I didn’t make that up.” says Lacey.

“Well…he had nice hair.” says Al Bernie.

Lacey thinks. “After a while…I’d get tired of his hair. …There’s more weight in his hair than his body. Practically.”

Mother Theresa cracks-up laughing at Jack, innocently.

“Yeah. Some men are like that.” says Al Bernie.

“He’s so…callous and cruel though.” says Lacey.

“Why does that make his body worthless, sexually?” says Lem.

Al Bernie leaves.

“Because he’s…not that great. It’s just GROSS.” says Lacey.

“What starts to irritate you first?” says Lem.

“His waist.” says Lacey. “Then his knees.”

“Then what?” says Lem, crying.

“His…penis. …Where is it?” says Lacey.

Elliott laughs.

“I’m sorry! But if you’re real…I HIGHLY doubt he’s well hung. …My bet is that he’s…very average. AT BEST.” says Lacey.

“Then what?” asks Lem.

“His face. How dare his face pretend his body looks like your body? …Joe was the same way. …They dressed so well. But then you take off their clothes and it’s genuinely disappointing.” says Lacey.

“How disappointed were you?” says Lem.

“I was sincerely heartbroken. I’m not exaggerating.” says Lacey.

“This is sincere.” says Mary the Mother of God.

“No really I was. The first time I saw him without his clothes on I was sad. I was genuinely depressed by it.” says Lacey.

“Why is it so depressing?” says Lem.

“Because you have this idea in your head as a straight woman that when they take off their clothes, they’re going to look like what they look like they’re close on. And then Joe unbuttons his shirt and takes it off and it’s like half of his torso just disappeared.”

“So what do you think their body is like compared to a woman Lacey?” says Lem.

“ I would say that they are probably a AA but that they stuff their bra to look like a C or D. And they stuff their bra it’s not like they worked out or gained weight and worked out the right way I mean right before he died. Jack got ugly man tits. And I don’t know if gay men find those things attractive but to me they’re disgusting looking. Yuck! And I don’t understand it! So he got a gut and floppy man tits!? And then a fat ass and fat legs or what?” says Lacey.

“ he was still somewhat scrawny looking, but yes, somewhat.” says Lem.

“I mean…I would get sick of fucking him. I would want to kill myself essentially having to be faithful to him. He would have to try extremely hard and convince me that he was worth it. Otherwise I would probably just look forward to being dead. He’s ugly Lem. I’m sorry. I’m sorry if you can’t handle that you little bit piece of shit if that’s all the fuck you are.” says Lacey.

“So have you changed your opinion with age?” says Lem.

“Yes…and sexual maturity, I realized that fucking a man who you feel sorry for isn’t sexually satisfying.” says Lacey.

“But you didn’t feel sorry for him before.” says Lem.

“ do you know I had no idea how much fun sex could be with a man who is attractive because I was a teenager. But once I grew up and I found out what sex was actually all about I realized that scrawny, small dicked men with personality disorders are kinda bad in bed.” says Lacey.

“ I mean she’s objectively, right what do you want me to say?” says Barney Frank.

“ no cause it’s like you’ve got this scrawny man who is skeletal looking who’s gonna do what with what!?!” says Lacey.

“ but he had nice hair!” says Lem.

“ but that’s a hell of a lot of hair I mean that’s a hell of a lot of hair. It’s kind of gross looking when you take their clothes off Lem, to be honest it’s very unsatisfying if you were attracted to men at all, I have no fucking clue. What got you off giving that man oral sex or doing anything with him once you reached 30?” says Lacey. “ and then you prince drowned like he was the queen of the universe and he was worth so damn much. What the fuck did he ever do that made him so valuable to anybody? And honestly, if you tell me, he was just himself. I’m not gonna believe you, because there is nobody who is that amazing just for being themselves. And what do I mean by that he was abusive he was obnoxious he was a conceited little prick. He was disgusting and ugly as fuck, and you were incredibly good-looking and sensitive and artistic and intelligent in a way that he wasn’t. He was a total fucking loser. The only thing remotely interesting about him was that he was in love with himself And a very interesting way to watch, and he was extraordinarily rich. And he’s a boring man sweetheart you had shit taste in men so if this whole entire thing is a joke and you’ve been doing it at my expense, the joke is on you. You have a horrible taste in people to the point where you should be your own fucking personality disorder.”

“ go on!” says Satan.

“ there was nothing lovable about him. There really wasn’t sweetheart you wasted your entire fucking life! And people are in love with bullshit because they’re stupid. And they don’t know what people look like with their clothes off in a real way because they’re not that empathetic they don’t have to put themselves in the position of an actual wife of that man, and realize that looking at that every day would get really old after a while. And and being abused by him no I’m sorry I don’t get it anymore when I was younger before I realized how ugly they actually were and what sex was really all about I understood why is someone could love them, but as I’ve gotten older, I don’t understand anymore, because there’s nothing lovable about them. There really isn’t!” says Lacey. “ I think you’d have to be a sucker, and I don’t mean that euphemistically to be faithful or stay with them. Emily cheated on Bobby and Mary kill herself and left her children without her. And Cheryl is a narcissist!

Emily was the only one who had a fucking clue. Bobby is short and ugly. Those men photograph really well, and they have very nice blue eyes and lots of money and charisma, but they’re phony and they’re ugly and having to look at them for more than five seconds is a total turn off!” says Lacey.

“ love be careful what you say right now!” says Elliott. “ what she’s saying is objective fact!”

“ no it’s true if she’s been born in our generation instead of 1 million years later, by the time she was 15, they would’ve look like absolute shit to her. She’s not exaggerating at all.” says Louis.

“ I mean with their clothes on OK and people were careful about that back then. But with their clothes off if you are remotely attractive or if you can pull a man who has a decent size deck or a nice personality. Oh fuck, no oh fuck oh fuck no!” says Lacey.

Faye Emerson agrees with Lacey by laughing.

“ but they’re very passionate!” says Gloria Swanson.

“ I but what are they being passionate with sweetheart?” says Lacey.

“ and if you weren’t being patronizing to people, what would you really say about him?” says Gloria.

“ I would say oh God quit your day job or quit keep your day job he’s such a desperate little actor or he was I mean no he’s just such a tryhard loser!” says Lacey.

“ and what about me?” says Gloria.

“ you have a dumb name and you’re obviously a desperate sad beautiful whore.” says Lacey.

“ that’s pretty accurate.” says Gloria.

“Well I mean…that’s what I aim to be is accurate.” says Lacey.

“Lacey…there’s no way I wasn’t straight.” says Lem. “Let’s talk about that photo.”

Lacey’s family is complicated. The one she was raised in, that is.

Some people have a hard time understanding why she cares about Old Money. But the reason why is because she is real Old Money but the perfume community didn’t treat her like she was and it was actually genuinely offensive. They mostly still (not all) have yet to understand why she was so offended. She has her reasons though, and…they’re actually very good reasons.

Part of the reason why she was so upset…is because she was raised in a WEIRD Old Money family. …They are real Old Money…but they don’t associate with other Old Money people in any open sense. They’re very quiet about their wealth and their family’s past. And they always downplay their prestige and privilege, which is actually very genuinely Old Money but it’s also very isolating. …Many of them have struggled to find mates…not just Lacey…and are struggling…because they don’t know enough Old Money people who are like them.

A few of them have gone to really good schools like Harvard but often they don’t go anywhere other than North Dakota schools. They are very meek in the education choices that they make. Add the schools that they pick are decent schools and they do well but they don’t go to prestigious schools regularly. So that’s one way of meeting people who think like them that they don’t have. And they also do not join yacht clubs or country clubs. And there are people who could actually there are many people who could. They tend to do niche things and in a way, that’s more elite. Their activities in skiing and hiking and Lacey‘s interest in perfume are all very elite. as in they spend a lot of money, and they do the best of everything. Lacey doesn’t go to Perfume fairs or gatherings because she doesn’t like dealing with people who hate her, but they are not quite so scared of people because most of them haven’t been so bullied the way that she has by people in life and so many of them are very social in niche elite circles. But that’s not necessarily the best way to find people. And to be really honest with you, Lacey would be a very good hunter and it’s not unlikely that had she been at the right place at the right time she would’ve met Donald Trump Junior and he would’ve thought she was very attractive. But that isn’t typical. I mean…they do find people who are like that who are extraordinarily wealthy here and there. But they don’t go to the places where people in my family would go or went and they don’t meet people like me hardly ever. Actually I should correct myself they do in a sense but they don’t at the same time. So they isolate themselves and they find some people who they can associate with who are rare people, but they don’t get exposed to a lot of people like that. And it’s hard to find people who think like you when you isolate yourself from people who are like you.

Matthew had a very hard time, finding a wife who is well suited to him. So did his aunt. And actually quite a few of them have had a hard time finding people who are good, looking, intelligent well off people. But the reason why is because being old money and thinking like that, gives you a very different perspective on everything. And it’s sad in a way because everyone should have the insight that they have but they don’t and in a way it’s not sad because it’s just different. It’s not always better. And so the mannerisms that they understand amongst each other, and the way that they perceive the world is hard to find for them because they don’t have a lot of people to associate with. They’re very isolated people. They’re extraordinarily rich in a way that’s very rare with all of the oil, but they’re extremely isolated at the same. Coming from a prestigious silversmith background, and then getting all of that oil within 100 years is very rare. And they have a knighted author that they’re related to through Lacey and there are other prestigious people who they are associated with as well. And they’re a very elite old money, family. But they are very depressed and frustrated people because they don’t have the friends often or the spouse that they need to survive. And why Gunhild did things that way is interesting to me. I suspect that it’s Scandinavian and Christian. but it’s frustrating to me because I love Lacey and as much as I don’t want to be in a situation where she’s with somebody and I have to watch her be with someone as that would be miserable…I am tortured by her misery and it’s irritating to me and I also care about Matthew. If I was alive obviously she would be with nobody but me. But I am not alive. And and because we can communicate it is not likely if possible at all that she’ll be with anyone, but me, until she is dead. And then she’ll be with me in person so to speak. I don’t think people have processed what they’re reading. I think if there are people reading this blog, they read what I write and take it with a grain of salt and then try to get a psychic reading on Lacey instead of actually hearing what I’m saying.

And there are other people that like Matthew in her family, who are very good looking people, very smart, who are not happy. And it bothers me because I-I just care. And it’s not right. And that’s part of the reason why Lacey got so upset.

She already was upset, I’ll say, for very personal reasons about that particular issue in her life. And when people talked down to her in the perfume community, it was very triggering to her. Because the way that they did it was as if she was poor or stupid in a way that isn’t possible given her background. Oh, and it wasn’t just plain old insecurity and yet it was. It was insecurity, but people chose to believe the worst of her instead of letting themselves think that she might actually be superior to them, or someone who they admire.

This blog was aimed at an intellectual understanding of perfume. That was the original intent. And people respected that to some degree. But at the same time I think they misunderstood her sloppiness and thought that she was lazy when in reality, she was just morbidly depressed, and barely capable of doing what she was even doing. Lacey has literally been suicidal since she was about three years old. And her life has been a living hell in many ways, and in many ways, it hasn’t been compared to some peoples who are worse off and often dead by her age or happier. But for her life has been Hellish. And Matthew killed himself. 

Oh, and I don’t think they understood that this blog and her attempt to be happy, and positive was her being strong for herself. Most people don’t understand how much pain she’s actually always in. Jack’s pain was nothing physically compared to her emotional torture her entire life. And he was in pain, but her pain actually surpasses his and he could’ve almost died, but he had illnesses that created that and he wasn’t necessarily always in excruciating pain. My suffering, with my asthma was actually in some ways, worse than what he went through. And nobody barely ever cared at all. My family did. But a lot of the people who I surrounded myself with did not. And her pain is astounding. Very few three year olds in her generation were suicidal. But she was for completely sane, rational reasons. And no, she’s an astoundingly good mother. She really is. She is extremely cautious with her children to never raise her voice to never not raise her voice. She’s a perfectionist as a parent, and yet it’s totally natural and she is an excellent mother. But that is part of her misery that she gives and puts out a lot and yet there’s not a great support system for her. And that’s part of it makes me angry is that there are people who are like her and who were like Matthew but they don’t know those people because they’re so isolated.

Being married to Mark has been helpful for her. Because on his father side, at least there’s real wealth and prestige. And they’ve been very cruel to her over the years but he still was raised in wealth. And that is his mindset. And so they can relate to each other.

He lets her order room service in the morning for breakfast and it’s not a big deal to him. He understands her need to do gardening and be left alone. And he is intellectual and it’s not pretentious. It’s sincere. He’s a very unusually intelligent person. He’s actually a genius. And yet he’s also very athletic and he’s straight. And so he has a rare combination of traits that are actually more common in the upper class. I was the embodiment of that, but people don’t know that because I thought I was gay and I had very bad vision and asthma. I was capable without asthma, and with better vision of probably being incredibly useful the US military in World War II. And but with my asthma, and with my bad eyesight, yes as my sister said, it was very hard for me to do basic trading. What irritates me, though is that it sounds like I was too gay to be in the military. You know like I was gonna jump every man I ever met, and I could barely run. *I laugh* I mean really that is the way Lucretia makes it sound. But I was attracted to every single man, and I could barely keep myself in check that it was just so complicated for me to figure out how to do anything, because I was such a wimpy, unathletic little artistic homosexual. And that is not at all who I was. I was straight first of all and second of all I was very athletic, but it just wasn’t the way that some men are. and if I had been a little different in someway, you know if I had been a little bit less asthmatic and had better vision I probably would’ve been better at certain sports. Because I was very good at crew. And that actually was part of who I was. And I ruined that because I was trying to be gay and I was trying to be normal and I was trying to have a life in and I was scared of Jack Kennedy. But it’s frustrating to me because I could’ve done so much more.

Oh, and then I look at Matthew and I think why was he so unpopular with women? He he was a good person and that’s not what I’m talking about.  He was genuinely unpopular to some degree.  If he had dated women who were loose, he wouldn’t have been.  But he was having a hard time dating young women who were nice.  And it just reminds me of Lacey and reminds me of a lot of other people in that family.  They don’t have an easy time as I am focusing on in this blog post, hopefully enough finding people. 

And anyway, what irritates me is that people don’t understand how difficult her life is. And they don’t understand how strong she’s actually been her entire life. Because she’s so pretty and she has a good skin care routine and she eats fairly well and so you can’t tell. You can’t tell that she is suffering. I think some people can kind of tell, but not really. And what she needed was for people to have decency and intelligence, and how they related to her. It’s just a hobby. I don’t know why they became so obsessive about her because it doesn’t make sense.

She is irritatingly perfect. But she said she was sad on her block and for someone to be so into something like perfume or really any hobby to that degree when they say they’re sad you probably need to just leave them alone instead of picking at them. That’s just common sense. Yes, she was privileged and honestly, she was better socioeconomically than everyone in the community. But that’s not something to focus on. And I would think that if you saw her saying things like I am sad on her blog, you would have enough common sense to realize that even though she’s privileged, she’s probably genuinely sad.

But instead, Casi confronted her and said, how the hell could you be sad you’re so privileged. In her comment section, she literally said what the hell do you have to be so sad about not verbatim, but that’s essentially what she said. She had a lot to be sad about, but it was all very personal and obviously she didn’t want to share that with Casi or anyone else. And instead of being freaks about it, they should’ve realize that that wasn’t their place to go around assuming that she was full of shit. That’s a very weird thing to do!!! And I know what happened, but I have a very hard time talking to her about it because it’s so fucking weird! People like her can be sad. People who have money can actually be very sad sometimes. And it’s for real reasons. And you might not even be better than that they might be strong people and you might just not have anything better than them and you might just have to get over it. And you might just have to realize that actually they’re just sad. Why- And this is what irritates me as a human. Why didn’t that make Casi happy? Why didn’t that make any of those hateful people in that community happy!? They couldn’t stand Lacey they were very jealous of her. They were incredibly insecure and you’d think being so dark hearted that Casi would’ve enjoyed the fact that Lacey was miserable. You would think they’d find some sad comfort in the fact that this privilege woman who is so beautiful, and so smart and so pretty, and so feminine and so straight, and yet so down to earth, was miserable. But they didn’t! They found no dark comfort in the fact that she was genuinely suffering. And instead, I think those people tend to imagine that she’s not really suffering at all. They seem to think that her being cheerful is her being psychotic and bitchy and stupid when really, it’s her being incredibly upset and trying desperately to survive. There’s a difference between being in denial about how bad life is, and being two steps away from shooting yourself and she’s the latter not the former you dumbass.  she need to know great awakening people who sings that are misunderstanding, her righteousness indecency as a person, and thinking that nobody could be that much more moral and God than they are because they’re so fucking self righteous!  Where they just never gave a shit about anyone but themselves. Lacey is prettier than a lot of those people, and she is far better looking than Jack. And people like Jack feel sorry for themselves, because they think the world owed them physical superiority to everybody even naked. And when they take their clothes off and they look like shit, it’s hard for them to accept that about themselves.  and being narcissistic, they can’t just be meek and inferior to other people they have to find someway to make it so that it’s not interpersonal and inter-relational it’s them finding some secret way to feel superior, even though they’re really not.  They are not superior. 

No…Casi is not superior. And you know I wish they understood her misery because it’s it’s hard for me to believe that they’re that disgusting. At least not all of them. And it’s sad and it’s sick that they would enjoy her being miserable, but it would make sense. It would make sense if they could understand how awful she actually feels and enjoy it because that’s the kind of people that they are unfortunately. But it seems like they can’t process that or even remotely understand it. And maybe some of them wouldn’t enjoy it because they’re not that terrible but it kind of seems like they are and I don’t understand why they can’t just enjoy it.

I’m not saying that they should I’m not saying that that’s a good thing. What I’m saying is it that’s kind of the way that a narcissist works. And I don’t know why they couldn’t just feel superior because they were not so sad and just think I’m not that downtrodden. I’m not superior to her in other ways but boy is she sad compared to me and sadly just kind of enjoy that, and leave her alone. And it’s not a good thing, but she told you she was had on her blog. I don’t understand why people chose to question it instead of just understanding it, and thinking what I just said.

It seems to me like you people are off the rails, psychopathic. Like it’s not enough that she’s just miserable you needed to find some way to make her more miserable because it was fun to torture her?  And you realized that she was so positive because she was actually old money and the irritated you and you couldn’t just leave it alone.

Matthew was very stoic. Lacey is very stoic. You needed to just leave her alone, 

Right now, as we speak, she’s struggling so damn much. It is psychologically impossible for me to have been anything other than straight. But she has been so gaslit by people who don’t take her seriously enough so it’s very hard for her to except that she knows something that David Pitts couldn’t figure out. And also, she wouldn’t know if I hadn’t told her, and she forgets that. There are demons and dead people and living people who are not letting her process reality right now. And they’re all unfortunately either Kennedys or people who are bigoted or people who are in the LGBTQ community. there are a lot of bigoted people who think I’m a demon, or that there’s no way that I was straight and there’s no way that Jack was gay. And that’s absurd. There’s tons of evidence to suggest I was straight and some of it is actually irrefutable. there is evidence suggests that Jack was bisexual that is also irrefutable. But she is in a terrible place because she can’t accept not really that she knows something that other people can’t possibly know.

Because she’s actually an incredibly tender hearted, meek person. And she can’t believe that she is special enough or rare enough to know something that most people don’t know. She is not the narcissist. I’m sorry. but she does know some thing that people don’t know and that’s that I was straight. I wasn’t really gay at all. And if you can’t comprehend that or handle that concept, you’re not as intellectual as you think you are.

I did not relish, giving Jack massages that was Rip Horton misunderstanding me. I was not in possession of a dirty mind for Jack. We did not have make out sessions that were any good if we had any at all. I tried making out with him once or a few times and each and every time it was absolute shit. And maybe not to him, but in reality, and to me, it was. It’s interesting though, because I’ve had a very hard time kissing Lacey since we first started. He and Jack was very angry about it the first time we kissed. That was over three years ago, and it was me, and and it was not somebody else, and it was very passionate. But I wouldn’t say it was any better than probably a lot of what she’s experienced with other men the only difference would’ve been that I was in love with her, and she was in love with me. I I was never in love with Jack to that degree and if I had been, I probably would’ve killed myself, not followed him around like a puppy dog. When you love somebody that much and they discard you it screws you up very very badly. But it’s a rare sort of love. And I’m not better at kissing than most people. He was talking about oral sex when he said that, but he was also talking about a sort of idea that he had in his head about me that wasn’t reality. and the oral sex that I gave him was very mechanical I didn’t do rim jobs. I didn’t do any of that stuff that men do nowadays I was really just giving him oral sex. I didn’t have any desire for him, and I knew what I was doing, but I didn’t have any desire for him. So if I had been that go to the kisser, I would never been this happy at his wedding, as I was. And if I had desire for him to that degree, I would never have been that happy at his wedding. It’s not possible! So then you have to realize that that’s bullshit. If I had this dirty mind and really wanted sex with him again, I would’ve been sad at that wedding, and I wasn’t. And I would’ve been sad in a sexual and romantic way over him and I wasn’t. I wasn’t sad enough at his wedding! I could go on and on and on, but I’m not going to because Lacey needs to eat dinner. So what else should I add? Let’s see I was angry when I said that I would rather have been married. I was being sarcastic and trying to say that I would rather have been married.

Later.

“You know I actually get why he’s so confused. Because I don’t know why you guys could just let him be bisexual. That’s really weird! I mean really WEIRD.

Hey, I mean I’m sorry but I think people got hurt that he’s basically rejecting Jack. But I don’t think that they’re intelligent enough to just say that. She’s never going to figure out that that’s what’s bothering Bobby or anybody else in that family. And Jack is never going to tell them that. And I don’t think that Lem is able to tell her that he suspects that. I don’t think it’s likely that he was completely gay. because if you listen to what he said, he said, I could have married a woman and I don’t think he meant it in his closeted way. I think he was trying to say what he genuinely thought he was capable of. I myself am bisexual, and I experience a lot of hate. And women like Lacey who don’t care are amazing. And I don’t know why you’re choosing to be so negative towards the fact that she is straight and feminine and intelligent enough to understand what a bisexual is. I think she thinks that some women are bisexual when maybe they’re not but she’s better reading men than women. And I mean, can we get over that she likes men it’s if it’s of interest to her I don’t think that’s weird.

And I think you people are just trying to torture her but I don’t think you understand that it doesn’t really work.

She has had a sexual relationship with Vladimir Putin. And I don’t think it’s typical and I don’t think you understand. You’re talking to a very feminine ditzy woman when you talk to her.

She is not going to read your mind the way that a man would. I think Lem probably had to have been straight. Because I think someone like her who is ditzy, but very likely a supergenius could probably figure something like that out. Because it’s very complex emotionally and psychologically but she is that smart in that way. What she misunderstands our people’s intentions in other ways. I mean she understands the ego. She understands human psychology to like a genius level. But what she doesn’t understand or how people feel about her. . And that’s not stupidity that’s a lack of nurturing and love. So you’re never gonna get out of her what you want because she’s ditzy and she’s not been loved. Her dizziness, though is not stupidity. So it’s kind of like she can make a five course gourmet dinner, serve it perfectly and be dressed impeccably and said that set the atmosphere even in a way that’s exquisite and not everyone can do that. But what she doesn’t understand is that not everyone can do that. If she were to analyze someone, she would know that not everyone can do that. But in that moment, when she’s doing all this for people, she thinks everyone can do it to some degree probably. And that’s how she’s ditzy. So it’s sort of like this isn’t that special. I mean it’s special, but it’s not that special. But that’s not stupid. It’s really not. Really it’s ditzy. it since it’s almost cognitively, clumsy but clumsiness is different than stupidity.

She’s cognitively clumsy, but she’s a genius. So she is cognitively awkward. She’s not an elegant thinker. Like some people have an elegant mind, and so when they think things through, it’s in this very elegant sort of way. The way that she thinks is brilliant, but it’s awkward. And so she doesn’t she doesn’t finish college, but she ends up discovering the actual illuminati. She doesn’t finish college, but she manages to predict Vladimir Putin’s psychology better than most expert. I mean her understanding of foreign relations is hilariously genius. She’s brilliant to an extraordinary degree and yet she didn’t finish college. And so at times I’m sure her thinking frustrates other people but I don’t think it probably frustrates her because she is a genius. And she’s ditzy not stupid, so it’s very feminine, and very sort of silly and playful and feminine. And I am sure in the 1950s and I’m sure with Lem it’s probably really fun. him but nowadays, it’s not really socially acceptable to be that ditzy and be a woman unless if you’re extremely perfect looking and you don’t care if you’re being overtly sexual. I don’t think she likes being that openly sexual because I think she feels like there’s something way too personal about it with people who you don’t know. And so I think she chooses to be quiet about her sexuality which is heterosexual because she doesn’t want to be that open with people.

So I think if the Kennedys are mad that Lamb doesn’t love, Jack or never dead, they’ll have to tell her that if they ever want her to know that that’s what they’re actually feeling. And they don’t even have to say it in a way like they’re asking for her sympathy or like they even care because they don’t need her to understand that degree. They’re just trying to express themselves in a way where they can actually be understood. She’s very intelligent but no, she is clumsy.

So what if people are angry at her for some reason you’re going to have to just tell her what it is that’s bothering you. I have a feeling I know what it is and I think some people have come really close to just telling her but I don’t think they have the heart to admit that she could be that different than what they thought she was. Because if she is who she actually is then I am bisexual. I’m not gay. And Lem was straight and Harold Loeb might not have been an idiot. Maybe F Scott Fitzgerald wasn’t a narcissistic idiot. I think there are a lot of things connected to thinking that she is who she is. And I think it’s sad that people have chosen to attach all that to her just being herself.” says Logan.

“I just did not enjoy someone being so privileged. And then not caring how it would affect me.” says Casi.

“Why was I supposed to care?” says Lacey.

“This is an intellectual question case if you’re wondering.” says Matthew Perry.

“Because Lacey it hurts me!” says Casi.

“That is not right!” says Lacey. 

“She means intellectually!” says Matthew Perry.

“Do you see it as a boundary issue Lacey?” says a Canadian.

“Yes!” says Lacey.

“OK but it’s still bothers me.” says Casi.

“And what am I supposed to do about that?” says Lacey.

“Is Mallory Keaton kind of like Lacey?” says a man.

“Lacey at her worst is like that like that character but she’s not narcissistic like Mallory but I think they think slightly similarly.” says an actress.

“OK but Lacey it’s irritating.” says Casi.

Lacey waits. “Oh nevermind I’m supposed to say something. …Yes it is irritating! But that’s not, but that’s not my problem.” says Lacey smiling.

“Was there a nicer way that you could do it?” says Casi.

Lacey thinks. “You know I was tired of being so nice. Because I think in the back of my mind, I don’t think people appreciate it and something about it just really irritated me.” says Lacey.

“So you you didn’t feel like you were appreciated when you used to be more careful about sharing your wealth?” says Casi.

“Yeah but I feel underappreciated in every way. And I am. And so I got sick of it and just decided to start being really brazen in people’s face because I just was too fucking sick of it.” says Lacey.

“What were you expecting them to do?” says Suzanne.

“Probably just leave me alone and give me a lot more respect because it seems like they respected people who were privileged. And praise. So acceptance praise and respect, but you know mostly probably for them to just back off. Stop bullying me, stop harassing me just leave me the fuck alone for once in my life if that’s how I should say it.

I have been bullied since I was a little girl starting with my parents. And I think I thought that if I was more brazen about stuff that people would catch on and I might get praise but I don’t think I was necessarily after that because I actually don’t like that much attention. I think I was more after just respect. I think I just wanted to be respected and I do get respect but I don’t mean that kind of respect I mean respect in a way where it’s like, I’m not beneath people and they don’t just expect me to be a doormat.” says Lacey.

“You sound a frightening them out like Mallory!” says Bobby.

“Well no shit, Sherlock!!!” yells a demon who works with the Kennedys.

“Lacey did I offend Bobby at the Cecil?” says Patti.

“I think if he’s not a demon that you did slightly, yes. I think he was expecting you guys to talk to him and actually have a real conversation just for a few minutes. But I understand that you need to be safe, but I think I think he was really putting himself out there to try to relate to you guys if he wasn’t a demon.” says Lacey.

“She’s right!” says Elisa.

“He was very neglected. That’s part of the reason why he started using drugs.” says a friend of his.

“When did he die?” asks Patti.

“If he’s not a demon, and a real person he died in the late 1960s of a drug overdose and on that floor that you were on. It was a really awful time in his life, and he lost his mind and just overdosed. He liked a sense of self in a way and a lot of self-esteem, which is why he acted the way that he did around people.” says God.

“That’s the one thing about ghost hunting shows that really irritates me is that you guys don’t realize that you’re talking to real people.” says Lacey.

“What was up with that room are at the upscale hotel in Los Angeles?” says a man.

“This is not the kind of respect that she needs to get. People know she’s smart. I asked her about Bobby because they don’t always wanna admit that she’s a person and not just a brain.” says Patti.

Chatter.

“But I mean they are strangers so I try to keep that in mind too.” says Patti.

“Fair!” says Lacey.

Later.

“I’m sorry. But I just can’t not…share anything.” says Lacey to Casi.

“Could you have just been nicer?!?” says Casi.

Lacey thinks. “What is nicer?”

“Mm. …Yeah. …Nicer is…

Just nicer.” says Casi.

“I think Lem was straight!” says a ghost in Lacey’s hallway.

“Why don’t you know what nicer is!?” says Casi.

“Because it’s not…simple. …I kind of get what you mean. …But that’s deep. …That’s deep emotional stuff for me. Because to be nicer I have to do a lot of emotional work. …And it requires me to analyze myself in places of my psychology that I’m not used to analyzing.

Because I was nice. …But you mean nicer in a particular way.” says Lacey.

“Yes.” says Casi.

“Here’s the thing: WHO ARE YOU?” says Lacey. “Why…should I have to be kind…to that degree…to someone who’s not necessarily deserving of it? There’s kindness and then there’s going too far. …So who are you!?” says Lacey.

“It’s just hard to see your stuff.” says Casi.

“I wish I could understand what you mean.” says Lacey. “What do you mean?”

“You can’t be serious!??” says a perfume collector reading.

“No. She’s very serious.” says Lem.

“So…we don’t have a house.” says Casi to Lacey.

Lacey thinks. “You mean you’re homeless or you mean you’re living in an apartment?”

Casi laughs. “Apartment!” says Casi.

“Okay???” says Lacey.

“I’m poor!!!” Casi yells at Lacey.

Lacey just silently waits.

“Did we really never explain this!??” says Lacey’s uncle.

“Explain what?!” says Lacey.

“Casi is sad. …Because Casi-“ says Casi.

“You’re not explaining!!!” yells a British woman at Casi.

“Yeah. I’m…lost.” says Lacey.

“I guess I’m not that insightful.” says Casi.

“What the fuck are you expecting her to do!?” says Dr. Moritz.

“Okay…so…we’re just poor. …And…that’s who we are.” says Casi.

“No. That’s a part of who you are. …I mean WHO ARE YOU!?” says Lacey. “Why do I have to try so hard to be nice!?? …I’ve NEVER met anyone who’s given A SHIT about me to that degree. …I mean…only possibly my birth father? Maybe Lem? …Most people don’t give A SHIT about my feelings to that degree AT ALL! …AT…ALL. …And I’m a REALLY good person. To be blunt. And who THE FUCK are you…just because you’re POOR to expect me to care THAT MUCH!?” says Lacey.

“She’s right. …I’ve not even cared that much. …And I’m her soulmate.” says Louis. “Or was.”

“Very few people have ever cared that much about her.” says a dead Rosslyn.

“We can still kill her and her family. Just a reminder.” says Lord Rosslyn from the 1870’s.

“What exactly are you thinking we’re asking for!?” asks a perfume collector.

“Incredible consideration. For your feelings.” says Louis.

“What would you do!?” asks Casi of Lacey.

Lacey thinks. “Who are you!?”

“A nurse. Who has to work hard to pay for her perfume.” says another woman.

Lacey thinks. “How about this? …I realize that none of you give A SHIT about me AT ALL. …And I give up trying?” says Lacey.

“Love it!!” says F. Scott Fitzgerald, sincerely.

Lacey sighs. Lays backward. Closes her eyes. In 2015. At twilight on her terrazzo floors. Empty apartment.

“WOW! …People are…HATEFUL.” says Lacey to F. Scott Fitzgerald.

“They don’t care!” says Scott. “BEEN THERE.”

“Except I do.” says Lacey.

“But you’re kinda different. …You just didn’t know it.” says Scott.

“I’m sorry.” says Lacey. “I didn’t know I wasn’t like them. …Sorry!”

He laughs.

“Gosh. I’m just Harold’s soulmate. …Sorry.” says Lacey.

“Yeah. He was my friend.” says Scott. “You should care.”

“And I do.” says Lacey.

Louis arrives.

“Scott…why does it bother us so much!?” says Lacey.

“Because we’re wise. …And we understand the importance of being loved.” says Scott.

“THAT IS…SO YOU!” says Lacey. “You’re such a genius!”

“I am.” says Scott.

Silence.

“I have no idea how American democracy is supposed to work…if I can’t be angry online in some…stupid way…and have one person care.” says Lacey.

“Yes.” says Scott.

“People analyze people all of the time! …I’ve seen it so often. …And all I wanted, possibly, was for just one person to analyze me. …And get it right. …But it was an entirely subconscious request. …Because I’m in excruciating pain. Constantly. …And I think I just wanted some…insight. Something.” says Lacey.

“Yeah.” says Hemingway.

“Is Scott okay?” says Lacey.

“Yes!” says God.

“Anyway…you’re right!” says Scott.

“I’m still waiting.” says Lacey.

“What specifically do you mean?” asks the nurse of Lacey.

“I’m angry. …I’m a deeply angry person. But it’s…deep. …So…it’s not meant to be shown towards any one particular person. …And I’m angry for very real reasons. …Very…sad reasons. …So…in a way you’re supposed to know. And in a way you’re not.

What do I mean? Well…how about this? I photograph things very thoughtfully. …And I don’t try to express anything too personal. Personal! But not too personal. …So…my perfume reviews would just be…poetic. But without the…hidden rage. No…high pitched voice. Just…absolute sadness.” says Lacey.

“Would they be as beautiful?” asks Casi.

“Probably more.” says Lacey.

“Then what’s the point of not just doing that?” says Logan.

“It was a subconscious desire to be heard. As a human.” says Lacey.

“I completely understand.” says Scott.

“How subtle was this?!” says Logan.

“Very subtle.” says Casi.

“So she’s not pissy. She’s enraged.” says Logan.

“Indeed.” says Lacey.

“Try another response.” says Scott.

“Correct.” says Lacey.

“Try again!” says Scott.

Lacey thinks. “You have that figured out!”

“Nothing more friendly?” says Queen Elizabeth II.

“He’s correct. And I’m trying to be kind and give him that.” says Lacey.

She nods.

“So…I’m poor. …And…if you did that…I don’t think I’d care.” says Casi.

Lacey thinks.

“Why are you posting?” asks Greg Boyd.

“She’s already told you!!!” yells God.

“Casi…if I made it less…personal…you’d feel less bothered. Right?” says Lacey.

“WHAT!?!” says Casi.

“WHAT IN HELL IS SHE ACTUALLY MAD ABOUT!?” says Lacey.

“Do you just find her offensive because she’s straight and you’re an arrogant conceited bitch about your bisexuality?” says a French woman to Casi.

“Were you just offended by her because she is a combination of intelligence and beauty that you’re not used to seeing?” says Louis. 

“What exactly would you want her to do?” says Franny.

“I had a crush on her. And I imagined that the feelings were mutual when they obviously were definitely not. And I and I think it’s just hard when you have a crush on someone who’s so sad when they reject you because you can’t do anything. And then you start realizing that they’re rejecting you in a really real way and it just hurts and you start hating them.” says Casi.

“The thing is though Casi I don’t find women attractive so I am rejecting you in a way that’s sort of inconsequential.” says Lacey.

“Well what do men have that women don’t?” says Casi.

“They’re men, Casi!! What is so weird to you about me as a woman being straight!?!” says Lacey.

“Why don’t I like you?” says Casi.

“Oh no, I can be very helpful!” says Lacey. “Let’s see why would you not want to be with me? Oh this is fun! I have a wealth of information, which is sad but true. 

How much do you really like feminine women?” says Lacey.

“I mean I like them.” says Casi.

“Thst that doesn’t sound particularly exciting!” says Lacey.

“I mean I find them attractive but you’re right that’s not generally the women who I would’ve gone for.” says Casi.

“Yeah! I mean the way you described Misty she sounded sort of masculine?” says Lacey.

“Yes, she was.” says Casi.

“Well there you go. I’m an extraordinarily feminine woman naturally, so that would be one thing about me that I actually think would probably repel you. I don’t think that you know me as well as you think you do and I think there are many things about me that you might like but I would bet that there are great many things about me that you actually wouldn’t find attractive and that’s where you probably needed to be more careful, because I think you got crushes on people from a distance online and I bet they were somewhat based on reality, but not entirely. So no I’m not the person I think that you thought I was entirely at least because I am entirely straight, and I highly doubt that I am exactly who you thought I was. So there’s probably something about me that you just don’t know about that you just wouldn’t like and then there you go, all is well.” says Lacey. 

“OK but then that was personal to you Casi and basically you just got a crush on a straight person and assumed that they were bisexual. Which probably means that you don’t really know her the way that you thought you did. And that can happen even when you’re first getting to know somebody in person. 

I don’t think Lacey is a flirt, the way that you thought she was and I think that she’s not being taken the way that she means to be taken. I think people misunderstand her.

What does that have to do with wealth!?” says a man.

“Because I just hated her.” says Casi.

“You didn’t really know her though, so you developed a hatred for her based on assumptions that you made, and not based on reality.” says the man.

“Did you not want her to share any of her collection Casi?” says Dr. Moritz.

“ there’s nothing really all that offensive about the way that she shares stuff. And I don’t think you guys are being honest, and I think someone’s going to have to be at some point unfortunately for them. If there is an illuminati, Vladimir Putin, highly suspects that Chris Hayes was channeling, Michael Rockefellers residual energy. And he highly suspects that that’s where this all started. And he highly suspects based on his own attraction to Lacey that Michael would have found her incredibly attractive as well, and that had they had a chance to meet they may have fallen very quickly in love. He made an experiment recently with a hotel worker, who looked like Michael, who showed her to her room when she was checking in, and the man turned beat red, and couldn’t look her in the eye because he found her so attractive. He very strongly resembled Michael…and probably had a similar personality to him as well. And Vladimir Putin suspects that that is ample evidence to suggest based on psychology and genetics that Michael really would have gone after her.

And he strongly suspects that she sincerely thought that Chris Hayes was like Michael Rockefeller in a way that he would never be able to be…because he is in fact not Michael Rockefeller, but Chris Hayes.

What that means is that if there is no illuminati, most of the world has totally fouled everything up. And going after her the way that they did with the lack of maturity and common sense that they did so, was astounding.

And because of what’s happening in the world right now and the impact that her family has with their oil and the inability of the illuminati to just kill her entire family and be done with it or kill Bobby or kill Chris…we’re dealing with a very serious situation, because if there is an illuminati, she speaks to people telepathically. That’s how unusually brilliant she actually is.

Most people couldn’t cognitively understand what they were doing well enough without being trained to do it that easily, but she does it.

And so for the sake of a lot of people, somebody is going to have to eventually explain why they’re mad at her in a real way. It’s sad Casi that you misunderstood. It’s sad but you’re not being honest.

And someone needs to finally be honest, and explain why they’re really mad at her. I can guess but I don’t know.” says Russia.

“Look! Vlad! …I’m sorry if we’re not smart enough for you, buddy!” says Greg Boyd. He pauses oddly. “Is that how people talk to Lacey?”

“Yes.” says Russia.

Later.

“You just needed to leave Lacey alone. Simple.” say Lem.

“She’s tried. SO HARD. To figure it out. …Why can’t you just explain!?” says Dr. Moritz.

“Because! I have nothing else.” says Casi.

“Do you care that you’re ending the world!?” says a man.

“They would have hated you more.” says Scott.

“Hmm.” says Lacey. “What if I have more money?”

“Loathed you.” says Scott.

“A title?” says Lacey.

“HATED you.” he says.

“Dirt poor?” says Lacey.

“Liked you.” he says.

“WHY!?” says Lacey.

“Because you’d seem more approachable.” says God.

Lacey looks confused.

“You know you can all just go fuck yourselves and I mean that in the most Godly way possible!!!” she yells at most living adults.