Sphagnum Esplanade

Sphagnum Esplanade by The Shins plays.

Donald Trump has been found to have a poop problem. He leaves huge skid marks on all of his underwear. Underwear he vehemently denied was ever anything but bleach white.

“I never.” he said when confronted by the gang of They in the Illuminati. “MY MOM CLEANS THEM ESPECIALLY…TO BE EXTRAORDINARILY CLEAN!”

In Manhattan.

“Yeah right, nigger lover!” said an Illuminati They Boomer.

“The American negro has made great strides in society in the last 70 to 80 years.” said Donald Trump, calmly, rationally and yet indignantly.

The They pause. “You’re a charlatan and blood sucking leech!” the They Boomers said to him in response.

“I don’t see it that way. What do you do?!” he asked. “No, I know what you do.” he said with a smirk. “I do it myself. Making money off evil. Pure evil!” He grabs a gin and tonic and adds a wedge of lime. “You’re all slimy, evil little creatures. …Really! You know that, I know that. We all know we’re evil. And it is evil. But…you don’t know you’re evil. You’re incapable of understanding yourselves anymore.” He takes a drink. “You don’t have a clue…how vile you are. I can see it. …Why can’t you?!”

“We aren’t anymore worried, buddy.” said an indignant Boomer Republican. “Listen…it’s all Christianity? All sin is the same?” He cackled at Donald Trump. “All sin is sin. At least that’s the way we run it in America. Right? It’s not a Catholic nation.” He smells of cigarettes and pours himself a cocktail. “All sin is the same here, friend. Right? …Brother-in-Christ?” He laughs. Elbows Donald Trump in the arm.

“What if it’s not?!?” asked Jeb, laughing in dark, evil or innocent lost sadness.

“Yeah?” said the Republican leader shrugging his shoulders. He coldly dismissed it as a bizarre, esoteric observation.

I Will Run From You by Cemeteries plays.

But Jack Kennedy was never into men or theology. John Fitzgerald Kennedy…of “the only royalty America has ever had” didn’t find theology fascinating. …He didn’t care. And he set the psychological precedent.

“Don’t get me wrong. Jack listened to all sorts of music.” says Lem Billings.

“But he didn’t…dabble…in theology.” says Lacey eerily.

And so today we watch Donald Trump, former US President…air his still dirty, poop covered white underwear on television. And we all sit and stare as Americans in the United States as they examine each skid mark. Dissect each component. Show his face in side-by-side photos as they do close-ups.

“What about the children held hostage in order to make the Illuminati keep spiritual power?” asks an intelligent viewer in the US.

“Republicans and Democrats both profit. But I have a feeling Democrats are far worse.” says a Republican.

“What if they aren’t?” asks a woman also viewing the media coverage of Trump.

“We have no way of knowing.” says the other woman with aching sadness.

And the real Chris Hayes…the one on MSNBC…reports the news. The news we are allowed to know.

“So the real evil in the US goes unreported, unchecked and unwitnessed by our Fourth Estate.” says the woman watching with aching sadness. “And we have no way of knowing what’s really going on. We have no control.”

“How is our government supposed to function without a functional system of checks and balances including the media?” asks the other woman watching.

“Not well.” says a Putin. A Putin…inevitably winning a war.

Inevitably.

Inevitably.

Inevitably.

“Because the decay in the system is systemic. And multiplying. And prolific.” says a dead man.

“It’s been leeching lead into the water in increasing amounts for years.” says Lacey. “It’s been poisoning us in increasing amounts slowly for decades.”

“Like frogs boiling.” says the dead man.

“It’s fine!” jokes Lacey.

“It’s not fine…it’s normal!” says the dead man making it even less uncool and less worrisome.

“It’s our parent’s responsibility.” everyone since the Boomers on have uttered in compliance with a systematic systemic down.

“But we have no control?!” an American man asks Vladimir Putin.

“Well, what do you think?” he asks them in a paternal tone like a professor.

“Are you actually our king?” the young man asks Vladimir Putin.

“Yes.” he says. “But don’t worry! I’m very busy.”

“So we have a chance to try to fix our country? Because you are trying to be respectful and…you are only one man?” asks the young American man.

“Yes!” he says. “It’s extremely exhausting.”

“You know it’s smart to let us think we still have a country. Because God knows if you’re actually the winner. And actually in charge.” says the young American man. “But I feel kind of bad. Because this won’t necessarily be recorded history. Even if it’s actually what’s happening and happened.”

“True!” says a Putin.

Black Car by Beach House plays.

“Do you care?” asks a Putin.

“No. Not that much.” says the young American man with enormous depression.

Lacey literally smells Lem’s drug free cigarette. Eats her blueberry ice cream. Smells her orange blossom perfume.

“Why not?” asks Lacey with concern.

“Because I kind of like Putin.” says the young American man.

“As long as he lets us be American…it’s kind of funny to think they lost.” laughs a female Bernie Sanders supporter.

“He’s not American though!” says a middle-class American woman. “What about our traditions?”

“He’s busy.” Summertime Sadness with a smile.

“Awww. I like Putin.” says a Southern gal in the perfume community. She means it badly but then feels kind of stupid. Because he is hot. And actually…as long as he lets them have freedom and at least pretend to be American…he’s kind of her new secret crush.

“So…he’s not a Soviet?” asks a professor of Lacey.

“Everyone is a complex person. He could surprise us. But I have a feeling he’s more of a tsar.” says Lacey.

“You’re an idiot!!” the professor yells at Lacey as per usual. “Except you’re also a rare genius.”

“Any idea which one it is?” asks Lacey.

Superstar by Beach House plays and Paul Wellstone takes the stage. He dances. He has a sense of humor about himself.

They don’t necessarily answer. Because unfortunately most American professors are They in the Illuminati.

“Our allegiance above all else is to Jesus Christ.” says Lacey.

Lem and Lacey had a vile conversation about the Amish once years ago.

I Will Run From You by Cemeteries plays again

“Can America ever return?” asks a Gen Z woman who hopes Putin can save American Tik Tok.

“Mm… Hmm…well…it depends. It depends. It’s up in the air.” says Lacey.

American by Lana Del Rey plays.

Jack sits and waves. In an open convertible. In a parade. An American pride parade. And he looks tall, tan and handsome. Conceited. Arrogant. Unconquerable.

Like an American.

Low by SZA plays as toxins pour from trains. Jack stands and waves.

“Keep it low? Damn bitch! We gotchu!” says a gay pride parade walking on the same street as Jack in a different place in time in the fully acknowledged and fully accredited United States of America.

“Wait Wha?!” asks Jack.

“Jack!! We got you!” says the gay pride parade.

“Sodomy doesn’t suck!” yells a gay man dancing in the parade ironically.

Gopnik by Mareux plays.

A shot blasts like a dancer into the air. It finishes his dance when it lands in the skull of JFK. And so…in a convertible Jack dies.

“Jack why are you sad?!” asks a gay man who will be hit by a bus? Or what? Die? Or what? Be raptured? Or what? Die. He’ll die. “Jack baby…we’re wondering: who did you sodomize?”

“I sodomized Lem.” says JFK with guilt to his brothers and sisters in counseling? In Purgatory where Jesus, Jack, and Lem Billings just sat around taking turns fucking each other according to Eunice?

“Hey Eunice, you hot piece of ass…is Heaven just Jesus, Jack and Bobby and Lem all getting high on each other’s hard cocks up their assholes while snorting cocaine and listening to ABBA?” asks Lacey derisively.

“No! It’s not!” says her father Joe Kennedy Senior.

“Well, that’s what your dickless son Eunice told the world.” says Lacey in response.

And at that Joe Kennedy Senior lets out a yell. A loud, violent, aching, indescribable scream.

“Well…she was wrong.” he says calmly in his Boston accent…like a man in his 30’s…walking through something in his mind.

Lacey sighs in concern. “I’m so sorry, Joe.” she says very seriously to him.

“You loved me.” he says to Lacey.

“Yes! Well, sort of. It was very confusing.” says Lacey. “The whole thing made very little sense.” She thinks. “But…it’s like a Russian novel. The American horror version.”

“You’re not a horror.” he says. “I was!”

“That’s probably exactly right.” she says with fear of God.

“Well…I dedicate this country, whatever is left of it to Jesus Christ.” says Lacey about the United States of America. “The Son of God. I dedicate it to the Holy Trinity. I dedicate it FULLY and ENTIRELY to God. The God of the following prayer,

Our Father, Who art in heaven,
Hallowed be Thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come.
Thy Will be done,
on earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil. Amen.” says Lacey.

“Nice boys care about love.” says Michael Rockefeller to Lacey at a party in 1958.

Nice Boys by Temporex plays.

“Why is that a problem?” asks Lacey.

(Adult content below)

He stops his dancing. Pours back a drink quickly. Braces himself.

He escorts her to the dance floor where she dances with him.

“Let’s go make-out.” he whispers in her ear.

She thinks that’s wise. And so she agrees. And so they dance together a few more seconds until he begins kissing her, pushing her into privacy. It’s a gorgeous display of human affection and the old money old American way.

But is it a beautiful possibility and dream or absolute, eternal reality?

Nelson Rockefeller, J. D. Rockefeller, Michael and the Carnegies and Vanderbilt family all stand and watch the George Floyd riots. As the flames grow and the people yell they watch. In the dark they watch under the summer sky. The air conditioning sounds. The smoke. Lacey’s house a few miles away.

U Not Like Me by 50 Cent plays.

Lacey drops and dances in her living-room. In the dark. In the summer.

Zero by Electric Guest plays.

Lacey could have married badly. She could have married well but badly.

“Actually she was prettier than that. Much prettier. But it’s actually hard to capture people’s faces well.” says Michael. “And she’s especially difficult to capture well.”

A & W by Lana Del Rey plays ironically.

“The thing is…she really was prettier than that.” says Michael Rockefeller. “Let me find a photo.”

“I wasn’t a whore!” says Lem. Then he laughs at himself. “I didn’t mean to ruin your life.” he says to Lacey. “But I wonder if I did. Huh?”

“So it wasn’t me?” asks Joe Kennedy Junior backing-up and away slowly.

“No. And I loved her badly. Too many late nights of chocolate cake and ecstasy imitations.” Joe Kennedy Senior says. “I did love her. Janet. But…I wish I’d been a lot smarter about Lacey.”

“She loves me.” says Lem apologetically at first but then regrets it. “It’s not fair. I need to talk to her.”

“Then you’ll have to deal with Michael.” says Honey Fitz. “It’s not Joe who has her heart. It’s Louis, Harold Loeb, F. Scott Fitzgerald, possibly Putin…possibly Bill Gates…definitely you…and Michael has her eternity secured and Louis has a way in. And you…you won.”

“They didn’t want me anyway. Or did they?” Lacey wonders.

Nobody by Mitski plays.

“Nobody but God.” says Lacey.

“This is the best I can do for now.” says Michael. “Here she is at 25.”

“Here she is at 25.” says Michael.

“Her at 17.” says Michael.

“Her at 17.” says Michael. “Or a close approximation.” He laughs. “She still would have been prettier in person. …Obviously.”

“And in case you want to think it’s your excuse not your mistake…let’s look again.” says Michael.

“Last summer. At age 38. While she was sick. Being brutally attacked by the Illuminati. Lovesick. Clinically depressed. Almost anemic. …And about to mourn the Queen of England’s death.” says Lem.

“Okay. She has a sweet, gentle beauty.” says a Fox News anchor. “But what do her tits look like?”

Gold Lion by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs plays.

“Suicidal and dangerously close to hypothyroidism. At age 27.” says Michael. “Although she wouldn’t have killed herself. She was too strong and close to God’s love to do that. Although she did pray to die very sincerely if she didn’t marry before her mother’s death.”

“Last fall. Feeling faint. Unloved. Almost anemic. Hair falling out. At age 38.” says Lem. “Mourning the death of Queen Elizabeth II.”

“So her beauty has gone entirely to waste?” asks a dead Republican.

“Her breasts look like breasts.” says Michael to Fox News. “Do you have breasts?”

“No, Michael. I do not have breasts. I’m a Fox News Anchor.” says a Fox News Anchor to Michael.

Bad Memory by K.Flay plays.

“You’re not a bad memory. But you’re married.” says Michael. “And she’s moved on. And you’re very smart.” He smiles. “And I like you. But you’re not her soulmate.”

“That was my comment to make.” says Lem.

“Well, hopefully we can all have this conversation in person in Heaven.” says the Fox News Anchor.

“Yes! Things are more…easy to process in person.” says Michael. “Speaking of which, I’m sorry but you do owe her an apology. Our beings before Christ do matter to Him.”

“I owe him an apology too.” says Lacey.

“He’s already accepted your apology several times.” says the Fox News Anchor.

Lacey nods politely and sincerely.

“No, I don’t like how our transgressions have to be accepted as they are.” says Donald Trump. “Just so people have some real hope.”

“We should all be in a non-fallen world.” says Lacey. “And yes. It is sad.”

ilomilo by Billie Eilish plays.

“She was never loved.” says Michael. “Admiration isn’t love.”

“Well…things shouldn’t be as they are.” says Lacey. “In general.”

“Wait, wait, wait…did we just hand you and your family the entire country just by deciding Lacey wasn’t pretty?” asks an American of Michael Rockefeller.

Hysteric by Yeah Yeah Yeahs plays from the album It’s Blitz.

And Lacey and Lem have sex? In 1945?

No. They don’t. Jack rubs Lem’s cock until it’s red, raw and slightly erect. But then in a fit of rage demands he shove it up his ass the way it is. Lem fights tears.

And in 2023 Joe Jr. “runs away” on a Segway. To do magic tricks to impress Pat Wilson. And occasionally ventriloquism. He’s got a shiny black Mercedes and a great sense of humor…seemingly. And no…in 1945 he had already been…disbursed.

Then, in 1945, Jack demands oral sex. As per usual. Lem hates being touched by Jack sexually. But he takes it all in stride with a loving, optimistic attitude because he truly is under the impression that he’s a homosexual. He lovingly touches Jack’s shoulders while fighting back vomit because he wants as normal a life as he can manage with his self-perceived special sex disorder he’s researched and decided is homosexuality.

“What was your special sex disorder?” asks a living gay man in 2023.

“I wasn’t promiscuous.” says Lem.

“Really? That’s all? Other than your molestation experience?” asks Summertime Sadness of Lem.

“Yes! And now Lacey can’t hear me.” says Lem. “She hears my soul. And my voice as a disembodied man. But she can’t tell I love her. She’s utterly convinced no matter how many times we have…mind-blowing sex…that I don’t feel for her what she feels for me.”

“Why?” asks a witch in the Illuminati.

“Because they constantly interrupt us.” says Lem. “The other night…we were having…the kind of sex men dream of…and they listened through the entire thing attacking her with pedophilic techniques that she’s always innocent and vindicated in. And shouting over me. And interrupting our thoughts. And conjuring or involving Wobbly.” says Lem. “And it was…beyond tragic. It was enough to drive someone out of their mind.” He laughs.

“It was either Russia winning the war based on their previous mistakes. Or the They struggling to win and just digging themselves in deeper.” says Lacey.

“So Wobbly has interrupted often?” asks a liberal They. He’s suggesting it’s gay sex they’re hiding from Lacey.

“That’s what she experiences. Yes!” says Michael. “But it’s not gay sex. He’s idiotically intrusive. Neither of them want his presence. It’s embarrassing to his family. But yes, every time they really become passionate he interrupts them with some commentary or sexual attack on Lacey’s body and spirit and soul.”

“And he never has proof that there’s any attraction toward him from either Lacey or Lem?” asks a Russian.

“We can’t stand his presence when we’re having intimate conversations or sex. No. That’s just normal. …Neither of us have any attraction to him. It’s weird. He’s weird.” says Lem. “And no, we do not want sex with him. And no we don’t think either of us necessarily ever did.”

“Does he feel left out?” asks his wife condescendingly.

“It certainly comes across that way.” says Lacey. “Do you think he does?”

“He’s possibly attracted to both of you.” says a friend of his.

“Why do we have to care?” asks Michael.

“So…true!” says a group of old money Republicans.

“Was he trying to get the country situated into Irish anarchy and Capitalist Catholicism?” asks Lacey only half jokingly.

“That’s an interesting goal.” says The Loudest Perfume Hater.

National Anthem by Lana Del Rey plays.

“So…will it be worth it?” asks a pedophilic American man.

“We lost the country.” says Lacey.

“By attacking you…the Illuminati literally lost the country to a Russian Tsar?” asks the CIA.

“Yes! It’s like Dominoes. And it’s either his plan and he’s won. Or he’s very shrewd.” says Lacey. “As in he took advantage of a hilariously perfect opportunity.”

“Actually tsar is an interesting way of looking at him.” says a Russian.

“That’s what it looks like to me. Not a Soviet leader. Nor a president, as we in the US perceive them. But a tsar.” says Lacey.

“So…you could have been an excellent ambassador to Russia!” says a Tea Party Activist to Lacey.

“Yes!” says Lacey.

“Like a foreign policy advisor to a U.S. Senator type of thing?” asks The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“I almost did that.” says Lacey.

“But the woman interviewing you told you what?!?” asks a woman in Alabama.

Dark Red by Steve Lacy plays.

“She told me that it was impossible to find real friends in Washington D. C. and that all the men cheated because they had an insatiable desire to conquer things.” says Lacey. “She fell apart in tears and I prayed with her and consoled and reassured her.”

“And you talked to who?!?” asks The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“I talked to a 30-something female foreign policy advisor to a U.S. Senator on the Foreign Relations Committee who was friends with the Bush family.” says Lacey. “She was from New York City in something to do with finance.”

“And then she moved to Washington D. C. to be in politics.” says a perfume hater to Lacey like she’s caught Lacey somewhere and somehow.

“Yes! That’s correct.” says Lacey.

“How did you get that interview?” asks Lem as he sits on a sofa with Lacey.

“I fenagled it.” says Lacey.

He laughs a closed mouth laugh. His eyes getting big. She looks confused.

He leans forward. Looks at her.

“You finagled it?!?” he asks.

“Yes! I had a contact who had contacts. And…I maneuvered things psychologically to get the interview.” says Lacey. “Stupidly I didn’t realize all of the angles at play. But I understood enough of them to get the interview.”

“So you knew you’d get a good interview?” he says.

“It seemed likely.” says Lacey.

“Then why did you destroy it?!?” he asks.

“By getting lost, showing-up late, not bringing any resumes and never sending a thank-you note?” asks Lacey.

He laughs. Gets angry. Glares at her.

She takes a deep breath. Waits.

“I’m in love with you.” he says.

“But you think I made a mistake?” she asks.

It thunders.

“Yes!” he says.

“But what about my kids?” she asks.

“They’re my kids too should you be with me and not with Michael or Louis.” he says. He thinks. “You should have married me.”

“I wish I’d had that possibility.” says Lacey.

“You’d have noticed Joe first? Or me?” he asks.

“It all depends on who I met first.” says Lacey.

“You’d have felt instantly in love with me but…have done what?” asks Lem.

“I’d have felt loyal to Joe.” says Lacey. “If I ever caught him cheating it’d be likely I’d have been in instant disillusionment through. …If my father ever cheated I’d have been scarred by that and never tolerated anything from Joe possibly. And then I’d have thrown myself at you.”

“No!” he says. “You always think you’re imaging things. …I’d have thrown myself at you.” he says.

They sit and listen to the rain.

“We’d have been married first.” he says.

“Do you think I messed-up?” she asks.

“You’re a housewife to a wealthy man in the past. You don’t need to be in charge. You’d rather not be. …But you love being an advisor.” he says. “Possibly a Queen. Literally. But never a U.S. Senator.”

“You really are that way. With the hats and gloves and perfume. Pearls. Alligator heels. Chanel tweed. And…weekly hair appointments.” says a perfume hater.

“Yes! I’ve always felt that was very much me. I’ve just never realized that we’re not all hiding in that way.” says Lacey.

“Which perfume do you actually like?!” she asks.

“I loved Chanel No. 22.” says Lacey. “I also like Mitsouko, Fabergé Tigress, Chanel No. 5, Guerlain Chamade, Floris Violets…Ivoire de Balmain…Guerlain Shalimar and L’Heure Bleue…Caron Narcisse Noir…Jean Patou Vancances…and 1,000. Coriandre. Aqua Di Colonia.

Toilets

Turns out the Illuminati today wears diapers.

Videotape by Radiohead plays.

Why? Why do they all wear diapers? Because their brains are so regressed due to their embrace of evil that they now all poop their pants.

“Well holy shit!” says The Loudest Perfume Hater with joking reverence.

Soft by Washed Out plays.

A an adult woman named Taylor dances with her puffy diaper filled with diarrhea. She has horrible acne. And BOTH the diarrhea and acne are actually…caused…by her work schedule as managed by her bourgeois self.

“I’m better than most people.” she truly believes, unfortunately because it’s untrue. Untrue. The premise is a bourgeois bullshit routine promulgated in America. No one is actually better than another human. Because we’re all human. And God died for all of humanity. He didn’t die for this hateful, vengeful, venomous, JEALOUS, mildly ugly (objectively) bitch named Taylor more than any other human.

“Haha! Bullshit!” says The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“What’s bullshit?” asks Michael of The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“Your anger at Taylor Swift is just jealousy because she’s spuriously a descendant of Jonathan Swift.” says The Loudest Perfume Hater. “Or did she decide to not sleep with you Michael when Lacey fucked Lem Billings again last night instead of you?!”

“Did you read the part about how the entire Illuminati wears diapers? Literally!“ says Michael to The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“So what Michael!” says The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“So what?!?” asks Elliott Roosevelt of the Loudest Perfume Hater.

The Loudest Perfume Hater doesn’t want to fathom a huge group of super elite people in a cult who have a brain disorder due to excessive telepathy that forces them to wear diapers due to incontinence issues.

“Okay! Fine! Maybe Taylor Swift is a little weird. But do have to be so mean to her?!” asks The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“Are you a fan of Taylor Swift the singer?” asks Lacey.

“Isn’t that who we’re talking about?!” The Loudest Perfume Hater asks Lacey, Michael and Elliott.

“Hmm. Interesting.” says Lacey.

“So…you didn’t try to sleep with her last night?” asks The Queen Mother of Russia out of concern for Michael Rockefeller, son of Nelson Rockefeller and grandson of J. D. Rockefeller.

“No!” says Michael. “That little girl looking woman Taylor the dancer is creepy.”

“Creepy?” asks an Illuminati woman on a run to the grocery store.

“Yes! Creepy!” says Michael.

“GAME! SET! MATCH!” says Lacey sarcastically in a silly, faux British accent.

“She is HIDEOUS looking.” says Elliott Roosevelt of Taylor Swift the famous pop star.

“You know, she does try to look old-fashioned though with her ridiculous red lipstick that looks…pretentiously sexual.” says Lacey. “Actually a lot of her aesthetic is sexually pretentious. Is she actually asexual?” Lacey thinks. “Not aromantic but asexual?”

“Like, not psychologically capable of having any form of intercourse but capable of falling in love?” asks Elliott Roosevelt.

“Yes.” says Lacey.

“The evidence watching her and listening to her points to yes. But the evidence…is only heresay.” says Michael. “So to speak.”

“I hope she’s not just another Illuminati pedophile.” says Lacey.

“Do they wear diapers to seem like children for their perverted purposes?” asks The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“No! They rarely make intellectual connections like that in my observations of them.” says Lacey.

“Really?” asks The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“Yes! Really! …That’s the shitshow the Illuminati has forced Lacey to struggle to grasp for the last seven years.” says Elliott Roosevelt.

The Loudest Perfume Hater tries not to smile.

“I hate Lacey’s unusual intelligence.” says The Loudest Perfume Hater. “What does her voice sound like when she’s being herself, out of curiosity?” She giggles. “I sound ugly but it’s a more normal sounding voice.”

“She’s one of the most physically beautiful women in history. Literally.” says Louis Hill Jr. about Lacey. He’s being scientifically accurate and honest as a Christian.

“I had a weird voice too.” says Lem Billings smiling about Lacey.

“That’s weird!” says JFK. “And you wanna know why?!?” asks Jack Kennedy.

“Yeah. Please! Do tell!” says The Loudest Perfume Hater to JFK.

“His voice was sexy with Lacey! He sounds dark, mysterious and masculine and raspy with Lacey!” says JFK. “When they have sex.” he says to be more clear and obvious in case The Loudest Perfume Hater doesn’t understand. “And she sounds like a darker, old money, aristocratic version of Marilyn Monroe. Literally.”

“Her voice sounds like Marilyn Monroe?!?” asks a Taylor in genuine shock and dismay.

“Wait! Wait! Hold-up!” says a black rapper in the Illuminati who refuses to wear diapers. He’s personally in rebellion against them. Because he’s black and angry and proud of it. “She literally sounds like Marilyn?” he teases JFK.

“Yes.” says JFK about Lacey.

“Dude! Why did you sleep with Lacey when she was 15? Or at least try to.” asks the rapper.

“Why wouldn’t I?” asks JFK, confused.

“So she genuinely has a voice that’s almost identical to Marilyn Monroe but the truly innocent, old money version?” asks a Boomer actress about Lacey.

“Yes! It’s not something almost anyone but Lem is ever allowed to hear.” says Elliott. “She’s never spoken using her real voice to any woman.”

“Oh! So you sound like…literally…like Marilyn Monroe?!” The Loudest Perfume Hater asks Lacey.

“When I let myself use my real voice. Yes. But it’s so creepy I constantly hide it.” says Lacey.

“Yes! Yes! So I did find a Marilyn Monroe who looks like a 1920’s supermodel.” says Michael Rockefeller. “Because I know what you’re all thinking! You’re thinking I had a crush on Marilyn Monroe but Lacey is the aristocratic version of her.”

“So you’re hiding a super breathy, but still aristocratic voice that…is…like Marilyn’s body…but 1920’s old money?” asks The Loudest Perfume of Lacey.

“Yes! I always fastidiously alter my voice.” says Lacey.

“Does her voice sound less sexy and scary with a British accent?” wonders an Englishwoman.

“Yes!” says Lem. “And no.”

“Why don’t you let people hear your real voice?” the perfume community asks Lacey.

“Are we trying to start the American Revolution again?” the Founding Father’s asks the Illuminati. “Be careful.”

“It’s… It sounds far too sexual.” says Lacey. “And my father’s generation’s voices weren’t there for me growing-up so I never figured out how to modify it correctly.”

“Oh my god!!! I can imagine your real voice! It’s creepy!” says a Susanne in the perfume community genuinely freaking-out. She calms herself. “You sound like a literal ghost.”

“That’s also my fear. Now, anyway. It’s both too sexual and too…frightening.”says Lacey.

The Illuminati snickers.

“Thing is…she’s still only 39.” says a Bill Gates.

“So what does that mean Billy?” asks Michael Rockefeller. “It means she’s too pretty and sexual for your physical caste?”

“I’ve tried to sleep with her.” says Billy.

“Do you hate her or not?” asks Michael.

“I feel seduced. But…as much as it scares me in the most intoxicating way…she’s never let me fall.” he says smiling. “And…maybe a part of me likes…a simpler, more ordinary woman.”

“That’s not hate.” says Michael. “So you find her attractive but not…for you?”

Howling At The Moon by Phantogram plays.

“I’d like to trust you. …Truly. I like you as a person. But I don’t…quite…trust you.” says Michael Rockefeller to the actual Bill Gayes.

Billy realizes he looks a lot like Micheal Rockefeller. He laughs.

“So…you’re constantly faking your voice?!?” asks Gen Z of Lacey.

“So did I!” says Jackie Kennedy in defense of Lacey. “It was a typical thing to do.”

“Lacey…who do you find more attractive?!? Jack Kennedy or Michael Rockefeller?” asks Wobbly.

Lacey thinks. “You know…it’s weird!” says Lacey. “Jack is actually more attractive in a way…but…I find Michael more attractive to me.” says Lacey thoughtfully and without sexual tension for Wobbly.

“What do you think of my grandfather?!” he asks. He shoves a photo of his grandfather at 60-something at Lacey.

“He’s very attractive to me.” says Lacey. “Almost embarrassingly so. Because I shouldn’t find him attractive.” She thinks. “He’s so…nerdy.”

Wobbly laughs at her.

She looks at him like he’s deranged.

Then he stops laughing and gets creeped-out.

“You don’t have to find my grandfather attractive.” he says.

“Well what did the rest of your family look like?” asks Lacey.

He shows her a photo of the whole family.

“Who’s that?” she asks of Joe Jr..

He looks scared. Tentative. Anxious.

“He’s my uncle Joe. He died in World War II.” he says.

“He’s extremely handsome!” says Lacey.

“Lem thinks your pretty.” he says awkwardly.

Lacey decides to change the topic back to Joe. “Did Joe ever marry?” she asks cheerfully and hopefully.

“No! He was…dull I guess.” he says.

He was dull?!?” asks Lacey in protest.

“No.” he laughs. “He was just Catholic.” he says.

“Oh, I bet he had lots of girlfriends.” says Lacey.

He grows awkward.

“When did he die?” Lacey asks.

“In the war?” asks Wobbly.

“Yes!” says Lacey.

“1944 or 45?” he says.

“So the end of the war?” asks Lacey.

“Yes!” he says sounding a bit uppity, suddenly.

“Was he involved in some special mission?” asks Lacey.

“Yes!” he says looking at her weirdly.

“That’s so cool!” says Lacey in admiration.

“Yeah. Whatever. He was great!” he says with an almost confrontational voice.

Lacey thinks. “You were a big fan of your grandfather weren’t you?” asks Lacey.

He looks creeped-out and stares at her.

“He’s dead!” he says oddly, in anger.

“That’s true.” says Lacey, confused.

“Why are you so obsessed with my family?” asks Wobbly.

“You sound insane. Not me. You just shoved photos in my face and brought these people up.” says Lacey. “Not me!”

“I’m not my grandfather!” he says with fear, looking at her funny.

“Do you think I’m an idiot?!? I KNOW THAT!” yells Lacey.

He closes his eyes and looks sad. Almost cries.

“Why are you impersonating my family?” he asks.

She calms herself. “How was that an impersonation of your whole family?”

“Oh god!” he says weirdly. “You’re my dad!”

“How could I be your dad?!” asks Lacey calmly.

“You sound just like my dad!” he says.

“I’ve never met your father in person. I’m not your father reincarnated or otherwise.” says Lacey and then she thinks. “I suppose I could be aware of them as ghosts? I’ve heard a few of his speeches.”

“His speeches! You heard his speeches?” he asks smiling.

“Well…at least one of them.” says Lacey.

“Hey that’s okay.” he says condescendingly.

“Of course it’s okay. We all heard his speeches. What’s wrong with you?!?” she asks hiding fear. “You genuinely think I’m OBSESSED with your family?!?” She controls her rage. “You’re a conceited, vain weirdo!” she says bitingly. Then she backs-up a bit, “I’m dating Lem! I don’t give two shits about the age difference. Get over it! He loves me and I passionately love him. GROW-UP!!” she yells. “And by the way…if you mean any harm…any real harm..be careful not to do too much heroin…if you know what I mean.” she says winking at him. Then she leaves.

He stands in his family’s parlor. By the fireplace. In shock.

“Lem…is straight. And I’m losing my family.” he says, finally sitting on the sofa.

Later.

“You do sound like JFK.” says The Loudest Perfume Hater to Lacey.

“No! You can read it that way, but that’s not the way I said it!” she says haughtily in the style of Bette Davis.

“Umm…yeah…but like…you don’t sound so masculine.” says The Loudest Perfume Hater to Lacey.

“You’re right. But that’s my way of relating. That’s what you’re demanded to do nowadays.” she says in a righteous huff.

“You cannot be serious.” she says weirdly.

“What?” asks Lacey in hidden fear and rage.

“You’re creepy!” she says with venom.

Lacey looks confused and exasperated. “What in the world did you think I was saying before?! Do you think I just babble and say cute nonsense you pretentious, vain jerk?”

“Do I seem masculine to you?” she asks frankly and seriously.

Lacey feels enormously disturbed but hides it. “Yes!” she replies with similar bluntness and tranquility. “You’re seemingly a cis woman. But you do seem masculine to me. Not…in an ugly way necessarily. But more masculine than women seemed in the past. And…actually most women in our generation do. I’ve noticed it for years but I don’t like to think about it. It’s weird.”

“Hmm. Do you really think I’m cis?” she asks.

“Hmm. Are you worried you’re slightly non-binary?” asks Lacey.

“I think…I do. But…like…are there just two genders and some people are different and some people are nonbinary?” she asks.

“Yeah! I’ve wondered that too!” says Lacey.

“Do you think you’re nonbinary?” she asks.

Lacey loses patience. “My goodness you do try to be terrifying don’t you. Wow! I’m scared.” Lacey says sarcastically. “Let me think! I’ve never done that before. Thanks for inviting me to.”

The Loudest Perfume Hater laughs.

“No. I’m not. Do you understand?” Lacey asks.

“Umm. You’re bisexual!” she says.

“No. That’s not the right answer. Try again.” says Lacey seriously.

Hate It Or Love It 50 Cent plays.

“You’re nonbinary!” she says laughing.

“Are you trying to impersonate a narcissist? And if so is it because you’re a clinical narcissist and you’ve undergone countless hours of counseling…or is it because you’re hurtfully accusing me of just being a liar and narcissist?” asks Lacey. She’s wanted to ask this for years.

“I thought you were a real narcissist.” she says falling apart.

“I’m not non-binary. I did consider if I could be a trans woman. I am a woman by all medical standards. But if I’m slightly masculine in some way I could be more feminine than I biologically am even now. But…no. Maybe I’m more feminine than I realize. So perhaps I’m just entirely cis. …See…I have old genes. Remember? …And I do alter my voice to seem less breathy and feminine and I do that with everything else to hide my femininity.” She thinks. “I’m not hiding anything sexually other than repressed heterosexuality and cis-genderedness.”

“Okay?!? Why do I care?!??” she asks in self-righteous indignation. Then she laughs at Lacey.

“What?” asks Lacey.

She looks at Lacey like she’s watching The Shining. Her mouth drops open slightly.

“What?!?” asks Lacey politely again.

“Are you a narcissist?” she asks coolly.

Lacey thinks. “Oh right! That’s also what we were discussing. No. Why did you think I was one?” asks Lacey.

The Loudest Perfume Hater has to fight not to laugh. “You seem pretentious.” she says with righteous indignation.

“What do you mean by pretentious?” asks Lacey.

“Umm. Okay maybe not pretentious.” she says nodding her head like she’s leading Lacey to say something.

“Then what?” asks Lacey keeping her calm.

“Like a bitch!” she spits in anger.

Lacey holds back laughter. She forces herself not to be patronizing. “How do I seem like a bitch?”

She looks vile. Then she thinks. “Yeah, you’re a nerd!” she says with disdain.

Lacey feels as though she’s being attacked but then she can’t quite place how fast enough for her own patience, “Yes!” Lacey answers scientifically but naturally.

“You’re in a higher class than me.” says The Loudest Perfume Hater. Then horrified. “And you’re smarter than me.”

“Yes! Yes, those are both true. Why do you care so much?” asks Lacey.

She almost cries. “Are you a nerd?”

“No. …Not really. But I am in a way. …Like…was Hedy Lamarr a nerd? Is Michael a nerd? Yes. And no. Same for Lem.” says Lacey. “Although Hedy Lamarr seems narcissistic too.”

“Who else was a nerd in your generation?” asks The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“There were probably lots of people who were nerds. …That’s an interesting observation. Of course, that’s assuming I’m in the Greatest Generation. And on that premise…one’s brain wonders if the word nerd is actually a 1980’s insult not to smart people in some perfectly categorized way but a way of insulting those who were too…conformist with their parents generation. So…perhaps both a combination of smarts…pseudo-intelligence and…old-fashioned lifestyles.” says Lacey.

“You’re not that smart.” says The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“What is the premise of your accusation?” asks Lacey.

“Okay. So you just are this way?” asks The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“What way?!” asks Lacey in exasperation to the point of rage, but hiding it.

“You’re not narcissistic.” she says laughing.

“Okay! You drive me crazy the way you jump around from one point of reasoning to another with such arrogance, intellectual conceit and painful disorder.” says Lacey. “You do tend to share points of information that aren’t relevant often in conversations with me.”

Lacey gets distracted.

“Are you still there?” asks Lacey of The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“Yes!! I’m obsessed with you.” she says seething.

“Right.” says Lacey with concern. “No, I’m not a narcissist.” Lacey collects herself. “The thing is, you shouldn’t diagnose people as narcissists with such certainty without the proper diagnostic criteria. Criteria I doubt you’ve ever bothered to deign to read in your enormous arrogance.” Lacey cries inside in sheer terror but pretends to seethe but be hiding it. “You are smart.” Lacey thinks. “But just because someone is superior to you…doesn’t mean they aren’t superior to you. Does that make sense or make your brain explode?”

“Okay. So you’re superior to me.” she says.

“Based on hierarchies of humanity including Christianity and genetic character. You have possibly nothing to brag to me about. But that’s all you live for? Right? To harass people?” asks Lacey. “And what? You all lost your shit because you were ASTRONOMICALLY impressed by me but too EXCRUCIATINGLY stupid to functionally process that…as humans in the perfume community?” asks Lacey.

“That’s true.” she says.

“So what’s the problem? Why can’t you grapple with and finally kill the beast if you’ve at least partially processed this?” asks Lacey.

“Oh my gosh! You-“. Then she closes her eyes. “Why do you love me?”

“Love you in what way?” asks Lacey.

“So…you’re just…loving?” she asks like a demon.

“Yes! Isn’t that obvious?” asks Lacey.

“You harass me!” she says.

“You harassed and harass me.” says Lacey.

“So I imagined you found me attractive? And I imagined your interest in friendship with me?” she asks

“Yes! Except that’s crude. I don’t have any romantic or sexual interest in you. True. But…I didn’t necessarily not want friendship. Just…not a deep friendship necessarily.” says Lacey.

“So what? Like…random comments and then nothing for the rest of our lives?” she asks indignantly.

“What else? That’s what’s normal. How do you not know that?” asks Lacey.

She slowly realizes the heat she feels coming from Lacey is real. Not sexual.

“Why are you angry?” she asks.

“Why are you so…obnoxious?” ask Lacey.

“So I’m genuinely aggravating to you just as a person?” she asks.

“Isn’t that obvious?” asks Lacey.

“Okay. So I’m just fascinated by you.” says The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“Yes. Why did you turn it into such a big deal?” asks Lacey. “It wasn’t mutual if it was romantic or sexual for you. And honestly…if we don’t get along well…maybe a friendship was only going to be…superficial.” She thinks. “Like…not meaningless friendship but not a friendship in the traditional person to person sense.” Lacey thinks. “I wonder. Were you just a very desperately lonely person and you took Instagram too seriously and intensely.”

“I’m not necessarily normal.” she says.

“Answer my question.” Lacey says.

“Yes!” she admits.

“Right! And maybe I just am a nice person who was kind to you and you tried to make it a million things it wasn’t.” says Lacey.

“Do you find me weird?” asks The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“I think you want an emotional response from me. Because you want my attention. And I’m not all that interested in you in that way.” says Lacey kindly.

“So I’m a female creeper? And that’s all I ever was?” she asks Lacey.

“Yes! But it is sad as one human to another that you were so lonely. Perhaps…you should find someone like me who’s attracted to you. There’s gotta be someone else. Who’s even better. Like…a million times better.

“Am I too evil to be happy?” asks The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“Maybe. But if you ask God for salvation maybe you can go to Heaven and be happy?” asks Lacey.

“Yeah.” she says casually.

“Okay. So, I’ll pray for you. And I mea that kindly.” says Lacey.

Later.

“So we bet the entire sex trafficking trade on Lacey being a pedophile. But…she isn’t one and instead she’s just better than most of us too genetically. And given our tendency in the Illuminati towards malignant narcissism…we assumed a historically significant gangster’s daughter who…has married Michael Rockefeller or Lem Billings…or Elliott Roosevelt…or I dunno…Harold Loeb…is…too beautiful to be real. Because we just saw her oil family and her superiority and decided she couldn’t be normal. …She doesn’t look evil really but we…can’t handle her beauty. Like…we can’t psychologically process it.” says an Illuminati woman. “And no! I don’t wear diapers!”

“Or do you?” asks Lacey.

“It’s…not…like that.” says the Illuminati woman.

“What’s it like then?” asks Lacey.

“It’s…we…wear normal underwear.” says the Illuminati woman.

“Why?” asks Lacey.

“Because that’s what normal people do.” says the Illuminati woman.

“That’s what normal people do?” asks Michael Rockefeller.

“I’m not normal.” says the Illuminati woman.

“You’re not?” asks Lacey.

“No. We do wear underwear though.” she says.

“Why?” asks Lacey.

“Because that’s what everybody does.” she says.

“No they don’t.” says Lacey.

“Yes! They do?” she responds.

“No, that’s illogical.” says Lacey.

“Okay. What’s your point?” she asks.

“Why don’t you wear diapers and poop?” asks Lacey. “Wouldn’t that fit with the whole Illuminati aesthetic more? I mean…get with the times. Catch-up. Don’t get left behind.”

“That’s the newest thing?” she asks Lacey.

“Yes!” says Lacey. “Didn’t you read the beginning of this post?” asks Lacey.

“Yeah! So?!” she asks.

“So it’s the way to behave.” says Lacey.

“Why?” she asks in fear.

“If you intend to molest a child or profit off of it without being willing to personally go into literal person to person battle in war…you…must wear diapers and get a urinary tract infection by never changing them every two weeks. No antibiotics until you die. Like…you wear the shitty diaper until you die. Like you wear the adult diaper with you own feces and pee in it until you get a urinary tract infection. And then even if your body recovers from the deadly kidney disease own it’s own…you have to get another urinary tract infection until you die. Literally. And no, you can never be given any antibiotics for it.” She thinks. “You just…die.” She thinks. “And of course that’s if you intend to. You never actually get to. No children are allowed to be molested in or by any connection with the Illuminati or abused. Unless…said individuals are looking to die of a brutal kidney infection in their own homes.” She thinks. “The funny thing is…they just have to have true intent in the eyes of God. As defined by me.” She thinks. “Or maybe they’ll all just start dying of brain aneurysms? I haven’t decided yet.”

“Why is the new thing?“ asks the Illuminati woman.

“Because you all decided it?” asks Lacey.

“But they can’t stop their instincts to molest kids?” asks the Illuminati woman.

“Why is that a child’s problem? And honestly, how are they not a criminal threat to not only children but themselves? See in the old days they might have been in a criminally insane asylum but they got rid of those.” says Lacey.

“True.” she says.

“Nowadays they should just die, if they’re a threat.” says Lacey. “Unless Jesus thinks otherwise.”

“So unless Jesus Christ decides otherwise…we’re going to all die?” asks a violent criminal pedophile in the Illuminati.

“Yes!” says Lacey.

“Why would you think I’m in that crowd?” asks the Illuminati woman.

“You’ve indicated that.” says Lacey.

“Okay. So if I keep profiting off it and I’m not willing to go into armed combat to protect the kids…then I might die?” asks the Illuminati woman.

“Yes! But not like…at 50 of old age. Or at 75 of a stroke die. Die at any given moment in the next few seconds or hours die.” says Lacey. “Or next few months or years die.”

“Like of a brain aneurysm or a Kidney infection?” she asks.

“Yes! Because, Lord willing, the pedophilic thoughts that lead to completion of the act will cause either organ failure or brain aneurysms.” says Lacey. “I pray that God gives them all their last rites the instant I write this.”

Lux Aeterna by Clint Mansell & Kronos Quartet plays.

“I’m not wearing adult diapers. I’m wearing underwear.” says the Illuminati woman.

“Fine. It better be out of innocence.” says Lacey.

“What if it doesn’t work?” asks a violent pedophile in the Illuminati.

“Then there’s got to be some explanation. And honestly…if I exist…and I do…I’m not overly worried.” says Lacey.

Road To Perdition by Thomas Newman plays.

“Was Taylor Swift molested by her parents?” asks Michael Rockefeller.

“I hope not.” says Lacey.

“What if she was though?” asks Michael.

“And so…she’s wearing the adult diapers in the Illuminati should it exist…to stand in solidarity with the child hostage victims?” says Lacey. “Or to take the bullet with the deranged humans who might die because she feels empathy for them?”

“She’s deranged herself.” says an Illuminati witch.

“I hope not though.” says Lacey.

“Maybe she’s not. Maybe she’s stopped wearing them.” says Michael.

“Because she found out it wasn’t about being a closeted bisexual, symbolically?” asks Lacey.

“When did she find that out?” asks Lem.

“Today. Actually as I wrote the post.” says Lacey. “But…maybe she still does? Because didn’t they wear them for the purpose of catching stray poop that comes out due to brain dysfunction caused by excessive telepathy and and astral projection?” asks Lacey.

“Yes! That was the original cause.” says Michael laughing.

“Well…does she still struggle with telepathy-rot?” asks Lacey.

Lem laughs.

“I…suggested she consider not wearing them.” says her stylist. “But she doesn’t know how to stop talking in telepathy. She tends to love chatting with everyone at least once a day.”