Michael

(Adult content below)

Drop It Like It’s Hot by Snoop Dogg plays.

Mr. Blue decided to torture Lacey in 2016. He had had a crush on her but his Bat Crew passionately hated her. And feeling intimidated by the females in the Bat Crew Batgirl II (who identifies publicly as a heterosexually married male) cowered. So he decided to indulge in his worst, most psychopathic instincts. They likely all blackmail each other regularly…of course.

And Lem…is out of touch. He understood Elliott cheating with Faye was wrong. He’s a sensitive, caring man. But he doesn’t understand what happened, although people keep trying to help him. God keeps trying to help him.

But Michael understands the Wild West. Michael understands the Asmats. And he grew-up a Rockefeller in the late first half of the 20th Century.

“But the song is about a male whore like Jack.” says Lem.

“He’s also a thug. And a cowboy.” says Michael. “And a lot like an Asmat. He’s a gangster.”

“Things changed in 2016. They came to the surface.” says Lacey. “Whoever started it…it was lit in 2016.”

“You don’t think it’s just like the 1960’s?” asks Lem.

“No. I certainly hope not. The 60’s were just a suicide march.” says Lacey. “Things have to crack eventually. It’s…exhausting.”

“Why do we want things to crack?” asks a white man.

“We’re going to Hell as a society.” says Lacey. “Truly. …And I highly suspect the country will be destroyed not ‘fine.’ Like…it will disintegrate. Or totally decay.”

DFM.

Lem smiles.

“Darling, do you want to be the leader of a gang? You seem…unlikely.” says Lem to Lacey with loving hidden meaning.

Bow Down by Westside Connection plays.

“You’re the leader of DFM not me.” says Lacey to Lem. “Isn’t it like a hobby for you?”

“He is.” says Ron Craft.

“What is DFM?” asks Michael.

“Yeah…what is DFM?” asks Desmond Guinness.

“An extremely powerful, supernatural group of dead people from Flint, Michigan.” says Lem. “Run by me.”

“Do you have to be dead to join?” asks a teen.

“Yes. But you’d not want to die to join. Don’t get twisted.” says Lacey.

“But you still think I don’t understand?” asks Lem.

“Well, who’s the real inspiration for DFM? Me or you?” Lacey asks Lem.

“You.” says Lem. “But I’m actually a very good leader.”

“I have my own gang.” says Michael. “In the afterlife it’s not the same. We aren’t competing.”

“And I control…a lot too.” says Louis.

“Funny how we’ve thought in Christianity that death brings extinction.” says Lacey.

“So…you’re challenging DFM every time you harass Lacey? And whatever else Michael and Louis control?” asks a journalist of Mr. Blue. “And she’s angry?”

“It’s redemption not annihilation of our souls.” says Lacey. “Right?”

“And it started out as her being with Joe Jr.?” asks a famous businesswoman.

“We’ll kill you!! We’ll kill you. You had no business having a crush on me. You’re a retarded ape. And honestly…just…eeww. Eww! Eww! Gross. Michael is gross and Lem is gross and you’re gross and Louis is less gross but still gross. And Harold Loeb is a zero. And I’m marginally more attractive. And Joe is hot. Joe…is…hot. And rich. And a Kennedy.” says Mr. Blue with a psychologically complex combination of seriousness, lack of awareness and yet also some trepidation.

Got Your Money by Ol’ Dirty Bastard plays.

“Are you serious?” Lacey asks him. “At all? You sound…so stupid.”

“It’s me. The song is about me!” says Jack. “It’s all about me.”

“All of it?” asks Lacey.

“Yes! In fact, yes.” says Jack.

“How?” asks Lacey.

He looks nervous. “I was a powerful US President, alive. I made mistakes.” he fights to admit.

“Well…I guess there’s an argument to be made. But I have to think it’s about more than just you. You may have been essential to the trouble though.” says Lacey.

“Like I was a horrible mistake?” asks Jack.

“Your Presidency.” says Lacey.

“Everyone loves my Presidency. Isn’t that funny?” says Jack.

“Not DFM.” says Lem.

“Chris wannabe, do you have any mode but ‘hate mode’ for Lacey?“ asks a Gen X woman realizing Lacey plays scary games.

“I pretend to be uncool.” says Lacey. “I always have.”

Silence.

“Everyone falls for it.” says Lacey. She sighs.

“Why?” asks Scott.

Bobby suddenly screams. He screams at the top of his lungs.

“Lacey is one of us, now.” say a group of dead Republicans. “Michael seduced her.”

“So did I.” says Lem. “I was gay?!” He scoffs.

“Like Lem…I was very free-thinking.” says Louis. “But let’s be clear…Lacey really isn’t a slut. Truly. At least I understand that.”

“No, she isn’t.” says Scott.

No Roots by Alice Merton plays.

Then, Take Me Away by Wild Belle plays.

“Why did you betray us?” Bobby asks Lacey.

“I was looking for love and I never found it.” says Lacey. “For a start.” She thinks. “But I was also looking for peace. And I had that stolen from me too. Stolen.”

“Because things are falling apart?” asks Bobby.

“In general? Yes. But…you all wanted me to be a rockstar.” says Lacey. “Right? Go into politics. Be cool. Be…straight.” She thinks. “I am straight. But I refuse to be so…stupid.” She thinks. “Straight Millennial culture was grossly idiotic.”

Bobby looks sad.

I expected you to be popular. And wear midriffs.” says Joe Jr. in admission.

In the afterlife, in the future as it stands, should the Illuminati exist Mr. Blue is thrown across the floor by Michael with Lem’s guidance. Michael crushes in Mr. Blue’s skull with his foot.

Ron Craft says, “That’s nothing.”

“Welcome to the true West you little big city parasite.” says Louis to Mr. Blue.

“Are they initiating him?!” ask the Bat Crew with painfully stupid insouciance.

“No, see…you’re trapped in a web of your own evil. And it’s slowly strangling you.” says Lacey. “I’m not perfect. I’m human. So I have to be careful how I say that.” She thinks. “But…you’re going to be tortured. Truly.”

“Where are her helpers?” Michael asks Fred Rogers.

“Satan?!?” asks Jack indignantly, without irony, as if looking for his maid. He loves his Segway. Uses it often. Today he’s rolling around shouting, “Satan?!?”

“Has Satan replaced Lem?” asks a Gen Xer.

“I worry that that’s what Jack thinks.” says Lacey.

“He does realize it’s Satan?” asks a journalist.

“I think he’s unfortunately more confused than that.” says Lacey.

“He wants me.” says Jack. “I keep thinking it’s Heaven. But then he gets weird.”

“Why would Satan be in Heaven?” someone asks Jack.

“He travels there occasionally.” says Jack.

“Not necessarily, Jack.” says a Catholic.

“Fine.” says Jack.

Transgender by Crystal Castles plays.

“Of course I’m warning you. I actually care. Truly. Stop strangling yourselves.” Lacey says to haters caught in their own evil. “You’re strangling yourselves.” Lacey prays for God’s will.

“Why would you do that?” asks a hater.

“Do what?” asks Lacey.

“Let us all possibly go to Purgatory or Hell?” asks a hater.

“By shirking my duties?” asks Lacey.

“Yes!” says Batgirl III.

“I was already morbidly exhausted by age 3. If a 3 year old can want to commit suicide I did. I think I’d have committed suicide before that. Actually, I probably tried to in utero or their birth daughter did it successfully.” Lacey laughs. “And I just…as an equal…supposedly…found you all so obnoxious.” She thinks. “You’re self-centered, obtuse morons by birth or by choice? You don’t care? Right? Not really. You’re inept assholes with shitty tastes and no apologies.” She thinks. “You make HUGE mistakes and never apologize truly.”

“Why? You could have just used your superiority to be popular?” asks Joe Jr..

“They don’t want that. They don’t care about me. Why would I want to be popular? They’re not morons really I suppose, but…they don’t want love. They want candy. And cruelty. And endless babysitting.”

“That’s true. A 50-something woman did say that Lacey at 8 had the maturity of an 18 year old. When it came to babysitting. Not everything, of course.” says Michael.

“So you made yourself unpopular?” asks a Boomer.

“Yes. It seemed safe.” says Lacey. “But also, quiet. Mostly safe? Peaceful.”

“We don’t care about your suffering before you met us. Do we?” asks Mr. Blue.

“No, I suppose not.” says Lacey. “And that’s your choice. But…then why am I supposed to care about you? On what moral grounds? My Christianity?”

“Lacey, did you like that 50-something woman?” asks Michael.

“Yes! She was the only one who made any sense.” says Lacey. “Although, she was a little pretentious.”

“Right, but you were only 4.” says Michael.

“Would you have accidentally found me attractive?” asks Lacey.

“No. No.” he says.

“How would you have handled that if you’d fallen in love when I got older?” asks Lacey.

“I’d have been fascinated by your mind. A kid is a kid.” says Michael. “How did you become one of us?” He thinks. “It’s like having a little sister. Or babysitting. As a teenager. But then they grow older and so do you.” He smiles. “And there’s nothing else there. It’s just a matter of time. But you’re a very young Silent Generation member if we’re alike enough.” He thinks. “Or maybe I’m like you, and I could have been born even earlier. …Almost. Maybe you more than me, humorously enough.”

“So you don’t want us to suffer?” asks a little girl her she who she went to school with.

“No, I don’t think so.” says Lacey.

“What made you think we were so…sub-human?!” she asks.

“I didn’t. I think I’m remembering it badly in the sense that I’m being a bit too hard on myself. I did see your humanity and empathize and fully identify with it. Like an equal. But…you’ve all progressively abandoned me over the years.” says Lacey.

“Yeah. We did.” she admits.

“Why did you do that? It made me feel so alienated? And so incredibly hurt.” says Lacey.

“My mom told me I could. Behind closed doors. She told me I didn’t have to be that nice if I didn’t like someone.” she says.

“Why did you all collectively decide not to like me?” Lacey asks.

Young by Vacations plays.

“No, we didn’t!” she says.

“No, you did. Right? I mean, I was horrifically bullied.” says Lacey.

“You didn’t molest kids?!? Right?!?” hopes the spirit of Lacey’s ex-step-mother-in-law. She pants in anticipation of Lacey’s evil and derangement.

Radio by Lana Del Rey plays.

“No. They might have molested me. But no, I didn’t.” says Lacey.

“No, she didn’t. Really. They sort of thing, grossed her out.” says Louis. “Stop strangling yourselves.”

“I don’t think you understand. She was also a kid. And other little girls bullied her by making her show her private parts to them by bribing her with friendship.” says Michael about Lacey. “They bullied her that way. And maybe once she misunderstood and asked another little girl to do the same because the other little girls were never really corrected. Only Lacey was ever corrected harshly. The teacher rarely sided with Lacey truly. …But she didn’t touch the little girl and actually, the little girl might have said no. And Lacey seemingly respected that. She might have been hurt because she thought the little girl didn’t want to be her friend. But the arousal portion was actually gross to her. …And she was relieved when the other little girl said no, if that’s what happened. Although the other little girl may have actually instigated it. AND actually…she only found it arousing with the other little girls because she was anticipating growing-up. Not being molested. Growing-up.” says Michael. “Not because she was attracted to the other little girls. But because she anticipated being with men when she was a woman. …It’s unclear what the other little girls found so exciting about seeing her vagina.” He seethes. “Get it straight witches in the Illuminati who CLING to this. And have for years. LACEY never instigated it or if she did it was in confusion caused by other little girls attacking her first and her getting truly confused. Lacey never attacked any little girls with it.” Michael becomes increasingly upset.

“I need Lacey to be evil.” says a witch.

“I found the story of Lacey being attacked to show her vagina for a few seconds to other little girls arousing. How excitingly shameful. Yummy! There are children being molested to this story right now! I’m a KING!!” says Mr. Blue completely seriously. “And I LOVE the thought of pedophilia. As one myself. I use the Bat Crew to molest my own kids secretly. They enable me to get money. Of course. We’re all toast! Right?! Let…the…party…begin.” he says like nerd. Totally seriously.

“You were attacked or wanted it?” asks a hateful Silent Generation woman of Lacey.

“I was attacked.” says Lacey.

“The Illuminati makes deaf women speak her words. To silence Lacey with demons of deafness.” says Mr. Blue. “Did you hear that? Now in the spirit to those who are narcissistic oat sounds like she wasn’t attacked. She sounds deaf.” He giggles.

Lacey, of course, fought for the children to be protected by God or for vengeance if necessary, as in if the pedophiles didn’t relent and stop. Because she really isn’t a pedophile.

“No. So you shared that story because you wanted to defend yourself? I don’t care if other little girls raped you in the only way they knew how. They were bisexual or lesbians or being molested by adults and then deciding to attack you. But you were better than them. And you asked…and I’m guessing didn’t even really want it. At all. And…I bet you accepted the decline from the other little girl or were confused completely because you didn’t want it?” asks Summertime Sadness of Lacey.

“No. I don’t think I did. I think I thought it was…a thing cool girls did. Because all the girls who attacked me were cool. No…I got very confused and thought I wanted it, partially but not fully. But only in the way a child gets confused while they’re molested. I really found the vaginas I saw repulsive.” says Lacey.

“No! Kids want it. For real!!!” say the pedophiles in the Illuminati. “We molest out of supply and demand dynamics! We are the supply!!!”

“That’s my clique!” says Mr. Blue representing.

“No. Of course they don’t. The great philosophers never believed kids returned the love. I don’t think. …No. They can’t. You can confuse them and that’s a horrifying thing to untangle as an adult or earlier. Because it’s humiliating to be so bamboozled.” says Lacey. “But they don’t return any real romantic love. Not really. And they never truly want it for any other reason.”

“Why don’t you care that Summertime Sadness hates you?! I can’t stand being rejected. I can’t stand being genuinely admired by good people. I’m a vicious, cutthroat, egotistical, shallow, pseudo-intellectual cheat. But I’m KING!!” says Mr. Blue. “I’m sorry. But you caring is my bread and butter. So why don’t you care?!? Help me!!!”

“This does remind me of when the other little girls came up with the idea of me showing my private parts to them. If I started asking it could have also been to fight back. But the teachers only corrected me harshly. And it bothered me because I didn’t want to hurt them. And it hurt because…I didn’t want to hurt anyone. And I didn’t want it.” says Lacey.

“I know. It’s just fun to bully you in a new way.” says Mr. Blue. “We know you didn’t molest anyone. Probably not even accidentally. We know you aren’t at all attracted to women and never were.” says Mr. Blue expecting Lacey to be crying. He’s offended when she isn’t.

“Michael would she have showed her private parts to you? If you’d been the same age?” asks a perfume hater.

“Oh! Is this more bullshit about The Loudest Perfume Hater being a lesbian victim? ‘Oh! She didn’t know! She just…sensed Lacey was in love.’” says Lacey mockingly.

“Lacey, you’re such a heretic in the Church of American Democrat.” says Louis.

“I think you got raped because you were…uncool?” says Summertime Sadness heartlessly to Lacey in his spirit, as if she really maybe deserved it.

“I wouldn’t have given her the time of day!” says The Loudest Perfume Hater seriously to Summertime Sadness.

“No, no! Summertime Sadness and The Loudest Perfume Hater go grab a room.” says the perfume community. “You two remind me of each other. Sadly.” They collect themselves. “Michael would she have tried to show you herself or see you? If you’d been the same age?”

“No.” Michael laughs. “No, kids explore. In normal ways with each other consensually. But this was different, what happened to her. And she was never given friendship, of course. Maybe for a few minutes, but only to fool her and get her hopes up. And of course her parents never helped her. Lacey wasn’t loved. Try using simple logic, you sad bastards!” he says…to so-called haters. “Listen, she was empathetic. She wouldn’t have wanted to see that. Because…she knew it was creepy. Or could be.” He thinks. “The other little girls lacked the empathy and logic not Lacey. …But even if Lacey had been raised by Tom…she wouldn’t have been the one to instigate it. Lacey is smart enough to know it’s potentially creepy.” He thinks. “She tried just kissing a friend once who was a girl because she was molested, but then she realized the little girl was a little girl and it was kind of weird anyway…and they were just friends anyway.” says Michael.

“Because kids might kiss?” asks a professor.

“She was trying to figure out what was good and bad. What kissing was. But it wasn’t me. And she was misunderstood.” says Michael. “Kids don’t always kiss. But she got the idea from television and her molesters. And yet she didn’t molest because she has empathy and an at least normal amount of compassion. And intelligence!!! Do you have any idea how stupid evil is?!?” He thinks. “And molesting wasn’t arousing to her.”

“Why you? Why men as an adult?” asks The Loudest Perfume Hater of Michael. “Those little girls couldn’t convert her, although I bet the little Millennial boys favored those girls. And I bet they still do.”

“She was the prettiest girl in the class. And the nicest. But she was so serious. And…sad. So sad. Always so sad. …But at that age I didn’t know it. I thought she was just weird.” says the now grown woman then other little girl Lacey went to school with.

“People will always love her though. Because she’s so pretty!” says one of her molesters about Lacey in his spirit.

“Tom Banks!” says a professor.

“No, of course not! That doesn’t even make any sense.” says Lacey.

One of Lacey’s kids gets hurt. Mr. Blue sent demons to attack her and her family.

“Why do you assume you’re safe in respect to God?” asks a Christian who’s anticipating Mr. Blue will reference atheism.

“There is no God.” says Mr. Blue on cue. “I doubt it, anyway. Michael is just a ghost, should he exist. I justify pedophilia that way too. But Lacey finds pedophilia repulsive.”

“Pedophilia is repulsive.” says Michael. “And actually…you do very vaguely resemble me. But I’m far more handsome.” He looks at Mr. Blue. “Were you trying to imagine Lacey and I to get off? …Funny thing…we know that. But you are obsessed with her. It’s bizarre. It’s one of the reasons she still wonders if she’s just schizophrenic. How could you be that focused on just attacking her so often?! So very obsessively?!”

“Because she’s fun to attack? Because you feel your entire being being criticized? Rightfully, of course. …I dare you to kill yourself, come find me and we can settle this like men?” Michael says to Mr. Blue only with Christ’s approval for such a directive and only in defense of the innocent.

“I’m too filled with demons to think this through.” he says, giggling. “I get high and deal with demons and make pacts, should the Illuminati exist.”

“Why we attacking Lacey endlessly though?” asks a witch.

“I feel my demons calling me to.” say a group of Illuminati witches, should the Illuminati exist.

“Can’t you ignore your demons?!?” asks Summertime Sadness.

“Because they give us our power. We aren’t Christianity.” says an Illuminati witch to Summertime Sadness.

“That’s logical.” says Summertime Sadness, sadly.

“Okay, but we also try to talk to ghosts.” says a Catholic shamefully in the Illuminati.

“Did you guys pick on Lacey knowing she was going to make love to Michael or not?” asks a psychic.

“No!!” says one of the members.

“Actually he made love to her!” says Michael. “Although not nearly enough.”

Mr. Blue laughs. “Oh come on! We all know there are better things than heterosexual adult sex!” he says.

“Like what?!?” asks a wealthy man.

“Like…power.” says Mr. Blue.

“God’s love is different. But God is different entirely.” says Lacey. “But God created sex for us. Before we were His children.” She thinks. “We weren’t fallen but I don’t think we were his children either. Were we?” She thinks. “Anyway, He’s God. Not our natural born father. But through Christ He’s our Heavenly Father. But we aren’t ashamed of how He made us in Heaven, as in how we were designed to have sex as adults with other adults.” Lacey thinks. “We MUST truly have free will. God isn’t evil.”. She thinks. “So…in Heaven we’ve admitted to our mistakes and realized our shame with sex is our embarrassment about our fall in The Garden of Eden, I suspect.”

“But you have very little shame.” says a Boomer to Lacey.

“True. But probably no more or less than a Greatest Generation member would.” says Lacey. “I actually don’t think they had real shame to the degree it’s depicted as being.”

“Was that a clever rouse to create privacy?” asks a professor.

“It still works.” says Lacey. “But I’m far less certain of that opinion than the other.”

“Are you embarrassed you got tricked into showing yourself for a few seconds by the other little girls?” asks a Boomer of Lacey.

“Yes. How gross.” says Lacey. “Although they might not have thought that. But I certainly didn’t enjoy the view or the showing. I think if I did it was at the thought of growing-up and being able to be with men. Of course, being a teenager first. Men weren’t attractive in that way. I mean I might have seen them as attractive but they weren’t supposed to really find me attractive. And they weren’t attractive in the way a boy my age was.”

“So you didn’t enjoy them as other little girls in any sexual way?” asks a Gen Z woman.

Lacey let’s herself feel repulsed. “No. How dull. Boys my age were just so much more fascinating.” She thinks. “Actually, it was gross seeing them.”

“Lacey, how were those little girls not lesbians?” asks a Millennial woman condescendingly. Because almost all women under the age of 70 are condescending to Lacey.

“That’s what I think!” says The Loudest Perfume Hater to the Millennial woman.

“They might have been. They’d not have admitted to that. I was the weird one according to their public narrative.” says Lacey.

“No, I think that’s why the teachers blamed you. They were scared those little girls were all lesbians and you seemed tough enough to deal with their anger. Kind of like the ocean.” says a Boomer to Lacey.

“But I wasn’t guilty.” says Lacey. “I still feel scared, like I’m being brutally psychologically attacked. And not listened to. When I think of it. Those little girls so-called ‘got away with it’ for the moment…”

“So why did you allow it?!” asks Mr. Blue.

“Yeah!! You were so smart but you didn’t know what sex was?!? You’re so arrogant about your intelligence!” says a female Millennial out of the blue to Lacey seriously.

“Yeah! Right!? I bet she’s shit compared to you as a human?!?” asks Mr. Blue of the Millennial woman.

“That’s-“ She shrugs in a secret affirmative.

“I didn’t know why they wanted to see me. I assumed it was…” Lacey thinks. “Like the doctor. Or like they were concerned about something.”

“But you never showed yourself to little girls who demanded it of you.” says a Boomer.

“No. Because I wasn’t interested in showing myself to anyone.” says Lacey.

“I’m a lesbian now! That’s why I hate you.” says the Millennial to Lacey.

Confused silence.

“No, obviously you didn’t turn me into a lesbian. And I’m just starting to realize they bullied you into showing yourself. But when I first read it…I skimmed. And I hate you. I hate your blog.” She thinks. “I hate…”. She thinks. “Actually, I didn’t know you until high school. And you never showed anything. You were extremely modest.” She thinks more. “I just…am a lesbian. And that pisses you off. Right?!?”

“Why would it make me mad?!?” asks Lacey. “I might have some concerns. But I’m not angry.”

“Yeah! Concerns!” she says.

“True!” says the professor condescendingly about Lacey. “But it’s fine for a ghost and a living woman to make love. Right?!” he scoffs.

“Yes, concerns based on Christianity.” says Lacey.

“Your Christianity. My Christianity is more fluid.” says the professor.

In Da Club by 50 Cent plays.

Meanwhile, Jack Keflies by Earth on his Segway, lands in Los Angeles. Drives down the strip.

“Does your Christianity account for Jack’s movements on his Segway? Where is he? How? Is it Purgatory?” asks Lacey of the professor. “You don’t believe in Purgatory? Then where is he?”

“He’s in your imagination.” says the professor.

“What if he isn’t?” asks Lacey.

“Then it’s…Purgatory I guess?! How should I know. I’m not dead.” he says.

“But you’re claiming to be an expert. And you just contradicted yourself.” says the Native American woman to the professor.

“Lacey why didn’t the boys attack you? Really, that’s all I want to know.” says The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“So you have unequivocal proof Lacey is a lesbian?!?” asks F. Scott Fitzgerald sarcastically of The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“Yeah! Right? Like…I don’t. But…why is she so butch?” asks The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“What’s butch to you?” asks Scott.

“Like…she doesn’t play dumb. And she…covers up too much. And doesn’t wear enough makeup and…-“ starts the Loudest Perfume Hater.

“Not that much. But okay! …I think she also does that because she’s been so often sexually attacked.” says a Boomer.

“That’s not a real reason.” says The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“No…it is.” says a real psychologist.

“No! Because then she’s not like me.” says The Loudest Perfume Hater. “I do that to repel and attract men. But because I find women more attractive at times.”

“For all the actual adults listening who have an at least moderate amount of intelligence and real empathy: What does Lacey’s actual sexuality seem like?” asks Michael.

“She seems scary. Not like she’d attack you scary. More like…she’d be terrifying if you really knew her. …But not like in a way we have any cultural references for in the US.” says The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“But…there is no Purgatory!” says Lord Thirsten Snotgrass.

“Why scary? Why not just hear her no.” a lesbian asks The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“Because she’s-Because…I mean…she’s…not going to best me. And I can tell she thinks I’m a piece of shit! …And that’s all it ever was.” says The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“She probably thought I was one too.” says Lord Thirsten Snotgrass.

“I think I gave her that impression of me too.” says Summertime Sadness.

Heart Attacks

“Lem, do you need to just leave?” Lacey asks Lem seriously.

Last night Lacey fell asleep hoping Lem would be in a good mood. Cuddle to fall asleep. But he wasn’t interested. He still feels hurt that she slept with another man. Of course, she didn’t know that she just felt his coldness.

So Louis made out with her instead. But she didn’t anticipate that either. Instead he pretended to be her doctor.

“Oh! You want to make out? I belong to you?” she said in her spirit. So they made out. Briefly.

And now Lem is more hurt.

Old Money by Lana Del Rey plays.

“I think I might have a disorder caused by persistent anemia. It’s become less common over the years. They attribute that to what they assume is ‘better nutrition’ but it’s also a genetic disorder. It commonly affected, slim-built, middle-aged, white woman. …No, if I’m illegitimate I’m eating the same thing. Possibly better than most people. But…my genes are probably wildly different.” says Lacey.

“Does it kill you?!?” asks The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“It could. It’s caused by persistent anemia.” says Lacey. “Actually, I woke up around 3 am worried I was going to have a heart attack. I couldn’t get my heart to stop racing.”

“But then you calmed down. And fell asleep.” says Louis.

“True. And this morning I had a pep talk from my possible dead uncle. He told me to be prepared to die. Just…buck-up and deal with that reality. Because doctors don’t always know. Or catch things in time. …But he’s dead. So…it’s actually quite comforting.” She thinks. “Should that have been him.”

“So you feel like you have growths in your throat?” asks The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“Yes!” says Lacey. “And those sort of growths can be caused by persistent anemia with a particular disease that’s gone out of genetic fashion these days.”

“So you’ve developed dysphagia. And…it might improve with iron intake.” says Louis.

“It does seem to decrease with iron intake. But that might be a coincidence.” says Lacey.

“So you’re still capable of having kids but…you’d not be safe to.” says a Boomer. “If it’s that disease.”

“True.” says Lacey.

“And you’ve always been so fertile.” says The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“Yes.” says Lacey.

“So your body is telling men to back off. To save your life and your unborn child’s life. And your children’s lives?” asks a Boomer.

“If she has that disorder.” says Louis.

“You know one thing I don’t think anyone ever processes is that Jack was possibly gay.” says a living Gen X gay man. He thinks. “Lacey does of course. But…why don’t we?!?”

“Because if you tell someone like Lacey they had a room together and that Lem performed fallatio on Jack…that Jack requested to get so-called release…she logically decides the logical conclusion.” says Louis.

“Why don’t people who read Jack and Lem stories ever realize that that makes Jack gay?!” asks Lacey. “In reality.”

“I agree.” says F. Scott Fitzgerald to Lacey. “It really irritates me too.”

“Because they think Lem was gay.” says the Gen X gay man.

“But whether he was or not…if Jack had consensual sex on his side with him that means Jack Kennedy wasn’t straight. That means Jack Kennedy was gay. Or bisexual at least.” says Lacey.

The gay man tries to figure it out too. “I think they ignore it.”

“But that’s insane.” says Lacey.

The gay man smiles. “No, you’re right. It just makes Jack definitely queer.” He thinks. “There’s not definite proof Lem was ever okay with it really. His psychological makeup is complex and troubling. But Jack…seems literally excited by the idea of gay sex.”

Can You Hear Them Sing? by Cemeteries plays.

“Why is everyone so attached to the idea of Jack being a virile straight man?” asks Lacey. “He was possibly neither.”

“Because that’s what they tried to film. There’s huge flaws. If you look closely enough. …But…just like his weird skin color…his sexuality looked seemingly straight on camera.” says a Sarah.

“True. Why do you believe those lies?” asks Lacey.

“You don’t?!” asks a Boomer.

“No. People in power lie about what they see as physical fitness to seem trustworthy.” says Lacey.

“Would you have suspected he was lying?” asks a Sarah.

“Yes.” says Lacey. “I think I would have.”

“And yet Mr. Blue confused you.” says Sarah.

“Well…what is the lie?!” asks Lacey.

“That he’s normal.” says a Gen X woman.

“What is normal though?” asks Lacey.

Lem looks embarrassed. “I don’t think you understand what they’re trying to say, Lacey.” he says to Lacey.

“Oh alright! What are they saying?” asks Lacey of Lem.

He smiles. Takes a deep breath. Then he bites his upper-lip. “You don’t trust me?”

“I struggle.” she says.

He looks devastated. “Who can you trust? We all have something wrong with us. And Joe Jr. ruined your ability to trust God so easily.”

“Almost none of you. But I accepted that I’m less fortunate than a lot of people in that way in childhood.” says Lacey.

“Even if you have dead family like the Rockefeller’s?” asks The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“Yes.” says someone.

“They lie about his trustworthiness as a human. They make him seem like an emotionally stable, loving man. They make him seem happy. In disturbingly subtle ways.” says Lem. “The timing. The lighting. The clothes. The non-verbal cues you rely on to figure out reality.”

“So…that scene in Mad Men where the schizophrenic thinks men are becoming gay.” says a living actor. “From computers.” He laughs. “Was that actually schizophrenia? Or what?”

“No, they accidentally outed Jack. And the way computers do emasculate men. But it was schizophrenic the way he processed it.” says Zelda Fitzgerald. “No actual ghosts or demons talked to that character. He just spun around his brilliant insights and made a paranoid, dysfunctional…psychotic observation he felt was fact.”

More later.

“Lem do you realize why we aren’t all Jack now?” asks Louis.

“Like you, Lacey, Michael? Harold Loeb? You’re not secretly all just Jack?” asks Lem, smiling.

“Lem…we really aren’t.” says Louis.

Lacey is on the edge. Apparently Lem loves her more than he loves anyone. Or ever has loved anyone.

And yet…she can’t let go of Louis, but mostly Michael.

Lem really was devastated when Lacey slept with other men. And last summer ago, after she flirted with Louis unintentionally…but before she had really slept with anyone…Lem was icy cold one night and left her weeping. And then she was crippled by her tears. Had she even flirted? It was accidental and yet Lem was seemingly totally rejecting her. At last someone loved her…albeit dead…and then *poof* it was gone. She felt unseen and almost unspeakably alone.

Then Lem was freaked out. He kept explaining that he was just hurt. And she felt bad so she kept explaining. And then they sort of patched things up. …But she was vulnerable and other men moved in on her.

Colorblind by Counting Crows plays.

The problem in this case is that she wrote all the men into her novel. And she fell in love with Louis first. So every time she edited the novel she would reread the passages about her and Louis. Or her and Elliott. And in her mind she’d imagine the scenes. But…in Lacey’s mind that means…seemingly interacting with ghosts on occasion. She’s become possibly better at telling the difference between something potentially spiritual and something just imagined. But to Lem her written love scenes were…not at all intellectual. To Lacey, as the author, they were endlessly fascinating to study from all angles and she aimed for truth in everything.

So she had to fight to calm herself down because she was struggling to breath she was weeping so hard. Just from Lem’s coldness. And that was when she stopped caring more and more about hurting him.

And yet they both are private people.

But, again, they partially patched things up. However, until the last month, he’s not explained enough…even in all their conversations.

And then latter last summer she met Michael. It was in a moment when she was fighting to convince Lem that she wasn’t a slut. She was resting, watching Tik Tok when she ran across a post about Michael.

There he appeared. Shirtless. And it rarely happens to Lacey but in this case he popped out of the screen as a ghostly voice and introduced himself.

“Would you find me attractive?” he asked her. “Am I your type?”

She felt compelled to respond. She tried to be accurate. She coolly and objectively analyzed him.

“Mm…yes.” she said calm and yet happy to deliver a pleasant verdict.

But then when she looked back at his picture he seduced her spirit. Still she resisted. She did. But…it concerned her. He seemed…controlling. This new ghost, that is. But not in a way she found offensive, necessarily. More like…a very tenacious, aggressive, old-fashioned, masculine leader.

And…Michael seems to understand Lacey. Always outwitting her if he so chooses? Possibly.

“Still, she loves Lem most.” says Michael objectively and kindly. “So…I try.”

“I suppose she does.” Lem admits for the first time ever.

“Yes!! She does. You don’t think that hurts us?!” Louis asks Lem.

“Fine!” yells Lem in response.

More later.

Lacey gets a recommendation from a general practitioner to specialists.

“The problem is…Michael is my cuddly teddy bear…but Louis is Louis…and Lem claims he’s the only true cuddly teddy bear.” says Lacey. “Not that I’m a child but I love how warm and cozy these very strong men are.” says Lacey.

“And Harold Loeb lingers.” says Harold Loeb.

“Because Harold Loeb is brilliant. And sees all angles.” says F. Scott Fitzgerald.

“And yet you don’t want to be polyamorous.” says a Boomer to Lacey.

“No. Not at all.” says Lacey.

“Why can’t you let go of Michael? I can tell you love Lem most and it’s your perspective that he’s rejecting you that holds you two back.” asks a Millennial woman.

“It feels like he’s rejecting me even though it also feels like he isn’t.” says Lacey about Lem.

“But why can’t you let go of me?” Michael asks her.

September by Sparky Death Trap plays.

“He’s…so safe. Should he not be a demon. And should he love me. He’s…like waking-up from a dream and being disappointed but then feeling your warm bed and the cool spots…and the way you’ve settled-in perfectly over the hours. He’s…got me figured-out.” She looks up at Lem. “It hurts. Unbearably. Both you and Louis experienced a lot intimacy and closeness. Whether healthy or not. I never have. …And I’ve always wanted to be close to someone I admire too…and be understood and loved for who I really am. And with Michael I can expect him to be two steps ahead of me. …Guiding me…not expecting me to be perfect.” She thinks.

“She is perfect. And then some. But her life in many regards has been repulsive.” says Michael.

“And you can’t let go of Louis why?” asks the woman.

“Because he’s Louis. He helps me. He’s protective. He’s Louis. He’s…rare.” says Lacey.

“And why does Harold linger?” asks the Millennial.

“Because I choose to. And she’s not uptight about it.” says Harold.

“Lem…do you love Lacey?” asks a Catholic priest.

“I wouldn’t have expected to be asked that at this juncture. Not in a million years. …I thought if I died and had a happiness I’d not experienced in life…I would never be in this situation. Clinging to my rage. Like a buffoon.” He laughs at himself and crumbles to the ground against a wall. “OF COURSE I LOVE HER!!!” he yells.

“Why are you so angry?” Lacey asks.

Lem smiles. “I would have been jealous. If we’d lived at the same time. You have no idea.”

Truth Ray by Thom Yorke plays.

“Like you were jealous over Jack?” scoffs Lacey gently, sadly.

“No. Because you actually care.” says Lem. “You care about me. You care about us. You care about everyone. Profoundly. Most of all your kids…but that’s different. And you love Michael. You actually love him.” He thinks. “And Louis. I’ll never be Louis in anyone’s view of me.” He thinks. “Don’t get me started on Harold Loeb. …And your body is my idea of Heaven. Not Jack’s.”

“But I wouldn’t have cheated.” says Lacey. “I doubt retaliation is the same as cheating.”

Lem smiles. “Then why are we even having this conversation?”

“Because you refuse to truly apologize. And Michael is Michael and Louis is Louis…and on and on.” says Lacey.

He thinks.

The song plays.

“Wanna make love?” he asks Lacey, pushing his glasses up his nose. Sitting on the ground. They’re eyes meet.

“Should I?” she asks. “Is that fair? And why are you suggesting it? To trick me and make me look weak and stupid and whorish?”

He gets up, walks down the hall to her room. “No, it’s not a trick.”

He attempts to sleep with her. But she’s too worried it’s not right to continue.

“Lem, I need to tell you no.” she says.

“No, you don’t.” he laughs.

“But what about Michael and Louis?” she says before laying back to close her eyes. She feels suddenly sleepy.

“Mmm. No, you should order dinner soon though.” he says.

More later.

On The Sea by Beach House plays.

Lacey hears a disembodied man giggle.

“There’s nobody above us right now, but it’s an Airbnb upstairs too!” her ex-husband says moments after.

A half an hour earlier she’d been resting when she heard sounds like someone was upstairs. Almost like the sounds of someone coming home. Very definite, totally normal sounding noises.

“No! The lights are all off.” he said.

Lacey wonders if she imagined it? But…it sounded like footsteps. Doors opening. Creaking. Nothing creepy. Just the sounds of someone coming home.

And of course she felt the comforter move. But she was cuddling with a ghost. That’s happened before. And that’s easier to imagine one is imagining.

“Who were you cuddling with?” asks Lem.

Slow Life by Grizzly Bear plays.

“Come on! It was me.” says Lem.

A cross flickers on the television screen on a television show as he says it. They’re staying next to an Episcopalian Church.

“Who was upstairs?” Lacey asks.

“Do you get the sense there were dead Episcopalians upstairs?” asks a man.

Michael grins. Michael laughs.

Lacey please with Michael to have a conversation.

Lem watches.

Suddenly Lem starts screaming. Lem can’t stop screaming.

Lacey’s son runs by her room as if he’s being chased.

What…is happening?

“Lem just realized he could have actually lost you.” says Michael.

“He still thinks he could.” says Lem.

The Episcopalians told him?

Lacey’s son runs by her room again like he’s being chased.

No she’s not hallucinating.

Her door moves a tiny bit? From across the room. Then the lights flicker slightly.

It doesn’t creep Lacey out. It makes her smile. …As long as they aren’t demons. It’s nice to think there’s an afterlife with Christ and she prayed to God last night when she was scared she was going to have a heart attack for proof.

More later.

Lem watches anxiously. More anxiously than she’s ever seen him. He’s finally recovering his ability to think through certain things? It’s as if the emotions he’s claiming are only now meeting the reality she’s been trying to explain.

There, There by Radiohead plays.

Michael meets Lacey dressed in pajamas. Shirtless.

They’re alone in a Caribbean house. In a bedroom. It’s temperate but tropical. Sprawled out on separate pieces of furniture, giant fan whirling overhead. Canopy bed ahead.

“What’s wrong?” Michael turns his head and asks her gently.

“Am I really best off with Lem?” she asks him. “I’m going to miss you horribly.”

Michael laughs in 2023.

“Heaven sent you to me, To me, to me?” Michael quotes.

Then he acts as he would have if they’d been on their honeymoon in 1961. Awkward. He shifts in his seat. It was an arranged marriage.

Lacey stares at his profile.

He rubs his eyes and takes off his glasses. Moves his eyebrows up and down and makes a cheesy sexual smirk. Lacey can’t help but grin with him.

And at that Desmond Guinness races out of history and charges into Lem Billings. Right out of a dimly-lit, high ceiling drawing room. He knocks him over.

Lem rolls over on his back, Desmond grabbing at Lem’s feet and legs.

Lem laughs a chic, Mod laugh. “Say, you’re not Joe.” he says to Desmond. He looks shocked. He sits up in terror. Desmond young and a young Joe Kennedy Sr. look similar.

A woman runs in after Desmond. She stops and stares dramatically at Lem on the ground.

“Well…Ireland is lovely.” says Lem, drunk in 1981. Is this literal or poetry? Did Lem get sent by God forward in time when he died?

Lem moves himself backwards to a wall of the drawing-room. And there at a psychologically safe distance he stares at Desmond. Desmond finds it delightful and smiles brightly.

Demond stands and thinks. “Let’s see! …Lem Billings!” he says as if drawing from memory. He points jovially at Lem.

Then Desmond and the woman rush at Lem as if concerned. “Say, you’re not well.” says Desmond.

They escort Lem to a private room.

“We know you’re dead. Do you?” asks Desmond of Lem.

Lem looks horrified.

“Oh no, oh no!” Lem says getting on his feet and racing toward a light and tunnel leading to a meeting with God.

Literal or approximation?

And that was why Lem screamed. Because Lacey’s son ran too…but for fun. With his boyish grin. And that was appropriate. Kids run.

“Why are you running?” Desmond asked Lem.

Lem was already with God. In God’s presence being made aware.

Lacey turns away from Michael. Are they in love enough? Surely this is when their honeymoon will go downhill?

“Why are you here?” Michael asks her seductively in 1961.

“No!!!” Lem screams as Lacey considers how to submit to Michael. In 1961 on the first night of a honeymoon.

Jump Around by House of Pain plays.

“I suppose you’re my husband.” Lacey says to Michael.

He nods. Looks down.

“Do you want to be in love?” he asks her awkwardly.

“We’ve been seeing each other for six months.” she says.

“But we don’t know each other. I’ve never seen you naked…for instance.” he says eyes suddenly aflame.

“My goodness.” says Lacey. She takes a deep breath.

The song plays.

“My goodness?!?” Michael says approaching Lacey. He sounds incredulous.

He gets in her face. Their eyes meet.

Lacey feels a touch on her hand. Twice. Some agile female ghost dances across her living-room past the fireplace to Jump Around. But months later her ex-husband turns out the lights. A woman. Near Lacey’s age? From the future?

Lacey screams in her spirit breaking glass.

“I’m going to make you scream.” says Michael in 1961.

Let Me Blow Ya Mind by Eve plays.

Fast-forward two weeks later. In 1961. Lacey in 2023 knows none of it. By choice…to be loving to Lem.

Servants finish packing their bags. Michael and Lacey sit together silently.

“I don’t love you. I worship you.” Michael says to Lacey.

“That sounds like an honor for only God, my dear. But I’ll say this: You must be close to a perfect man.” says Lacey. “Or are you perfect?”

He laughs. “I’m not perfect.”

“I’m not sure I understand what love is anymore. But as long as I can be around you, I’ll be fine. Just don’t give yourself to anyone but me. …I wonder what I feel. Do I love you? Or do you just let me exist because you’re so kind?” She rises to meet him. “Oh golly, no, I love you.”

“En scene!” says Michael.

“I’m not ready to call us over. I might be someday. Not yet.” says Michael to Lacey.

A light from nowhere flies across the dark living-room like a firefly. In 2023. Past the fireplace.

“Alright!” yells Lem. “Time to go to bed.”

“Not so fast!” says Michael.

“I’m here.” says Lem.

“So what!” says Michael. “Lem, could you make the mistake of thinking it possible and arguably inescapable to worship Lacey?” He thinks. “I could. Are you that stupidly in love with her or is that just me?”

Lem looks pensive.

“Be wise.” says Michael.

“I am.” says Lem.

Michael looks slightly unconvinced.

“We should all seek God.” says Lacey.

Michael agrees. So does Lem. So does Louis.

“I’m here tonight. I’m sorry! That’s just the way it is.” says Lem.

“Is that what’s best?” asks Lacey.

“Yes!” says Lem.