Smells Like Teen Spirit

Lacey gets tired of being misunderstood by Lem. After throwing plates against a wall downstairs to shatter them she walks back upstairs and tries to calmly go about her day with Lem.

Scott Fitzgerald gets excited. Maybe he is the only man ever alive to understand her after all… …He watches. So does Harold Loeb.

So does Hemingway for that matter.

“Acting stupid. It’s contagious.” Lem’s father sings to Lacey. He points to the Kennedy’s. Lacey is concerned by that.

“‘Oh well.’ as an old-money saying belongs to me.” admonishes Lacey.

“No!! We are old money. Not you.” Joe Jr. says…facetiously. “Sorry, he says.” he says.

“Lem you’ve never been clear about how much you love me. I’ve never clearly heard it.” says Lacey. “Not in a way that demands respect.”

“Lem…have you enjoyed sex with Lacey more than any man you’ve ever been with?” Mike R. asks Lem.

“Yes.” he says in tears.

Kurt smiles at those honest tears. Finally!

“You’re weak!!!” Joe Jr. yells at Lem.

“Crazy. She’s crazy.” a hater reading Lacey’s blog mumbles and laughs condescendingly as if she’s a delusional narcissistic schizophrenic.

A Satanist in the Illuminati laughs with Lacey at that person’s stupidity.

“Sorry for laughing at you.” Lacey says to that person’s spirit who just called her crazy.

“No, seeing you cry even a little over me in an honest way makes me feel like I’m finally getting somewhere with you.” Lacey says to Lem.

Scott smiles. He relates.

“No, she’s Floris Violets. You don’t understand! Trust me!” says Michael.

A WWI vet not Lacey’s father likes Smells Like Teen Spirit. …A lot. Actually the English Aristocracy of the late 1800’s loves it in general.

“No! I don’t relate to it.” Joe Jr. says to Michael and Lacey self-righteously. “They just sound so angry.” he says disdainfully, and yet also genuinely innocently confused.

“Well, whether it’s reincarnation or not…I relate to her.” says Louis Hill Jr..

“It’s Christianity. And Christianity is…everything.” says Lacey. “And yet it’s only Mere Christianity as explained by C. S. Lewis. Nothing not in the Anglican Church of 1935.”

“So…the idea is that due to restorative justice God allowed the Chinese to literally send you and Michael into reincarnated lives.” says Louis. “Pimples from gluten and all.” He laughs. “And…yet you were and are both still so beautiful.” He thinks. “But it’s merely Christianity. And neither of you lost your faith.” He smiles. “Nor your sense of anything. …Unfortunately for us, including each other.” He smiles. “But…this…may have been too far.”

Joe Jr. and Jack look stupid and contagious at humanity. …Joe tries to sing with Kurt.

“Lem, she didn’t think you loved her so she tried to politely find someone else. That’s all that happened. Really.” says Kurt Cobain to Lem.

“So you thought-“ Lem starts.

“You’re crying purely because you enjoyed the sex with me. Not at all because of some sort of bisexuality?” asks Lacey to clarify. “Right?”

“Yes.” says Lem.

“More than with any man?” asks Lacey to further clarify.

“Yes.” he says.

“That’s concerning.” says Lacey.

“Why?” he asks.

“Aww!” says Joe. “The lovers are so cute!” he says trying to relate from his position of self-perceived superiority like Millennials do. Like Gen Z does.

“You have no idea what’s going on.” Lacey says to him.

He wonders if that’s true.

“Yeah, whatever. You guys are trite!” says Pat Wilson.

“Why is it concerning?” Lem asks Lacey.

“Why didn’t you stop me?” she asks him.

He rubs his eyes and laughs. “From sleeping with other men?” he asks.

“Yes! It was a possible admission of lack of confidence in your feelings on your part that you didn’t stop me?” she suggests. “I’ve been saying that for a while.”

“Lem, it’s what I said.” says Kurt Cobain. J. S. Bach nods in agreement.

A moment later.

“No, unfortunately for those thinking they can use Hell as a resort, pedophilia is not magically innocent or so-called explainable due to the idea of reincarnation being in Christianity as explained by Lacey. She could be theologically in error, but even if she’s not…it doesn’t alter Christianity.” Queen Elizabeth II says.

“It might not exist! Truly.” says an Australian who’s mostly Catholic. “Reincarnation, that is.”

“You saw that image of me and Jack and my ass, and me on top of him smiling and thought that was worse than untouchable.” says Lem to Lacey.

“Yes! Essentially.” she says.

“And Lem…she decided to be very polite about it. …Lem what’s a polite response?! Lem…think kind and polite.” says Kurt Cobain.

Hey Kids (feat. Late Verlane) by Molina plays.

Louis offers Lacey a lift in his car after a Historical Society meeting and she accepts. What a perfect opportunity to move on from Lem. Great!! Lem and Jack will soon be rid of her! Fantastic!!!

Joe Jr. says she belongs to him. She does her best to entertain the idea.

Elliott decides their mutual passion must mean something profound. She entertains the idea kindly.

“Truly kindly.” says Kurt.

“It was patronizing, but I love her.” says Elliott Roosevelt.

“Was it really patronizing?!” asks Lacey.

“Yes.” Elliott says apologetically.

“I wouldn’t think someone could sense that.” says Lacey.

Lem’s mouth drops open. In horror.

“I’m amazed you could sense that. Is that just you or is that common?” Lacey asks Elliott.

“Me.” he says smiling humbly.

“You really are unusual.” she says to Elliott as a compliment.

“He is.” Lem agrees.

“We sense it too!!” yell haters.

“No. You’re clueless. Trust me.” Lem says to the haters. “At least, most of the time.”

Lighthouse by Patrick Watson plays.

“That fall damaged her throat?!” Joe Jr. asks Heaven.

Louis rolls his eyes. “You’re-“ he can’t finish the sentence. Jerome smiles at Joe Jr. politely.

“Are you calling me a faggot?!” Joe Jr. asks Louis.

“What if he is?” asks Lacey, speaking intellectually.

Benjamin Franklin laughs.

Wobbly shrugs.

“What?!?” asks a living gay man. Then he stops to think. “Joe…if she was a man she’d have creamed you. You do know that?! Right?” He smiles. “We’re wondering if you are a bisexual bully.”

“And that’s where I come in.” says Michael.

“And I feel protective.” says Harold Loeb.

“Lem…she feels safe with Louis. To a point. And with me she feels incredibly happy.” says Michael.

“She feels happy with me too.” says Harold.

Bette Davis throws a lemon pie in Joe’s face.

“No, I’m fine.” Joe Jr. says to Lacey.

Lighthouse plays on.

“Go on please.” says Lem.

And then Michael seduces Lacey. Joe Jr. seems effeminate and likely meaningless in relation to Lacey, in her estimation. Joe Sr. a man to empathize with, from a safe distance. Jack…terrifying. Terrifying because he seems so lost. …Harold cold or sadly confusing. Louis mysterious. Lem…unspeakable. …Profoundly troubling. Elliott still trying to figure out love.

National Anthem by Lana Del Rey plays.

“This is more Louis than Michael.” says an Englishman. “This song.”

“Which is funny. Michael being a Rockefeller.” says a woman.

“We don’t think like that.” Michael explains about Lacey and him.

A moment later.

“I had a few female friends of Lem and mine who hate Lacey because they look like shit compared to Lacey…watch Lacey and Lem make love. And they assumed in sexual jealousy…as well…that she was a hideous liar, using Lem. Or that it never happened. Or that I’m like a god?” explains JFK. He glares at the WWI veteran who made him admit that.

“And that’s why I lost it! Lem you’re so juvenile!!” Joe Sr. yells from his depths at Lem…and his son. “Yes, Jack. You REPULSED ME!!” He collects himself. “I’ve never felt so much temptation to HATE my own son.”

Jack looks shocked and self-righteous. Then it hits him that that’s Joe Sr. for real saying that.

Joe Jr. panics. Pat start’s hyperventilating.

Scott sighs. “Yeah…”

“Why she was distant was because she didn’t feel safe.” says Lem to those women who have had herds of adults who knew the Kennedy’s and Lem criticizing Lacey. Judging her.

Jack smiles thinking about it. Then her realizes again that he’s doing her a favor, unintentionally. He grows grim. Internal conflict threatening to suffocate him he relents that his vanity exists.

“Jack…why were you listening to your father’s sex sounds with your girlfriends? That’s weird.” asks a living gay man who agrees wholeheartedly that pedophilia is vile and never excusable or acceptable. “I have a feeling Lem didn’t understand his role. You saw him as a daddy? Or did Lem??”

Jack thinks. “I’m sorry, I was really sexually messed-up.” is all Jack can say.

“I did not.” says Lem. “I didn’t understand that role I had. I felt uneasy…but made many incorrect assumptions.”

“Let’s be honest. Lem doesn’t sound innocent. He sounds baffled.” says Mr. Blue to the Illuminati. He does this often when they “listen” to Lacey to try to control her.

“He makes frequent horribly incorrect, malicious commentaries that are both rude and embarrassing to him.” says Elliott Roosevelt about Mr. Blue.

“Mr. Blue we can hear you!!” says Louis.

“Can you offer advice to Mr. Blue?” an Illuminati witch asks Lutin.

“Well… Don’t do that. It’s not safe!” says Lutin seriously but with humor.

“She’s an idiot!!!” a demon yells about Lacey.

“Yeah! That’s right. Exactly!” Mr. Blue says, sweetly agreeing with the demon.

“You don’t need to be polite.” Lem says to Lacey.

“I-“ she says. She can’t answer.

“Oh. And this is when I lose you again.” he says to Lacey.

She’s already gone.

“Where is she?” he asks Louis.

“With Michael.” says Louis.

“There’s no where else to go.” says a Congdon.

“That’s rubbish. She’s shit. Say, I was helping you out. We’re still pals. Remember? Hey, Lemmers…you appreciated my efforts? Right?? The way I got our mutual friends and acquaintances involved. Right? I’m right. Right?!” asks JFK with seemingly real sincerity.

“No, no Jack.“ says Lem.

“Hey, that’s not true.” says Jack.

“It’s not Michael Rockefeller. It’s not. It’d never be possible. He’s too far above her.” says Joe Jr..

Pat Wilson looks at the Kennedy’s as if she’s getting scared. She slowly backs away.

“Huh! My gosh.” says Pat Wilson.

Joe Jr. looks at her like she’s crazy. But he trusts she’ll snap out of it soon.

“They can’t intellectually process that we died.” a Saoirse says.

Bobby Sr. nods his head sadly. “Joe Jr. has lucid moments. But yes, they’re confused.”

“Does Joe Sr.?” someone asks Bobby Sr..

“He isn’t as confused. No, he’s a lot better off.” he explains crying. “He actually really did believe in Christ’s salvation. Fervently.”

“I think you need to focus on working things out with Lem.” says Summertime Sadness. “If they’re not demons or your mind.”

“No, she’s right. She’s thinking that that’s ideal but she worries it isn’t safe yet. Lem really misunderstood her.” says Michael.

“Did you-Did you betray me with those women?” Lacey asks Lem.

He takes a deep breath. “Yes! I listened to their ideas. I didn’t find them remotely attractive or emotionally appealing.” …he says in horror. “I didn’t mean to cheat!” he says.

“But u by Hu Hu Hu Hu Hu i you did. Almost.” says Lacey. “And you expect me to trust you?!?” She seethes. “I warned you not to try me.”

“But no! That’s not right!!” yells a female narcissist 4 in 1963 who was and is treated like an 8. She adores Jack.

“Well. Now what?!” Lem’s father asks him.

“I could fuck you so much better than she did. Why don’t you love me?!” says a group of 4 and 5 women from the 1960’s who were friends with JFK.

Jack laughs. Scoffs at Lacey. “See! She doesn’t get it. Look at them! They’re sexy. Soo hot! Right?!? …I liked pretty women. Everyone says so!!! Lem! Examine like I do. Objectively. Examine their parts. Piece by piece. They’re sexy!!! I guarantee it. And…they already love you. So much!” he says. “It’s stupid, but men lie about it! They do. All the time!!”

“What do they lie about?” Lem asks.

“And I want to know if those women really are better in bed. Honestly!” wonders Elliott Roosevelt.

“Yes, are they? Sounds…unlikely.” says Queen Elizabeth II.

“No. They’re filth. And not any in pleasurable way. I can’t stand my wife.” says one their husbands.

“Do you love her?” Lacey asks him.

“Yes!” he says crying.

Lacey nods, trying to empathetically understand.

“No, we aren’t! What’s it to you?!” one of the women asks Elliott.

Without Me plays.

Michael sings, partially jokingly.

“Can you sing comically to Eminem or can your husbands?” Elliott asks them.

“No. We can’t. We want his approval.” they all say honestly.

“He’s not really mocking him. He’s being…brilliant.” says Scott Fitzgerald about Michael.

Jack hopes to kill Lacey. But it doesn’t work. “They lie about the fuck.” says Jack. “The women…are hot when they’re ugly.”

Lacey jumps on Jacks throat repeatedly crushing it. It separates his head from his body.

“Wait!” she reconnects his head to his body. “They’re pretty ugly?” she asks Jack, who’s in restraints.

“Why is she supposed to have to sort this out for them?!?“ asks a Trump for the record. “It’s offensive!”

“They look better that way.” Jack says. “Secretly.”

“They look like men?” asks Lacey.

“Naked. More. Yeah! But they don’t have a dick. That’s all.” he says. “If you shaved their heads most of them would look kinda like a guy.”

“How did you tolerate Jackie’s beauty?!” Lacey asks him.

“We had a bad marriage.” Jack says.

“Huh. That’s sad. I’m sorry.” Lacey says to him.

“Jack, you liked men?” Bobby asks him.

Jack thinks. Eminem plays.

“Yeah.” he possibly admits. “I wasn’t normal.”

Bobby looks at him. Eminem ends.

Jump Around by House Of Pain plays.

“I’ll let God sort the rest out.” Lacey says to Jack and Bobby

Lacey and Michael jump. Literally jump and down. For fun. It amuses them.

Michael puts the song on repeat.

“You used me!” Lem says with biting sarcasm to Lacey, mocking himself.

Lacey looks at him. “You knew Jack liked ugly women because they looked more like men. Right?”

“No. Not entirely.” he admits.

“Why!? Because you find those women attractive?” asks Michael.

Lem collapses weeping. Hyperventilates.

“Hi! Did I threaten you too?! Ever wonder why?” asks a Pete who died in 9/11 of Lem.

Jump Around plays.

“What the fuck did I do with my life?” Lem asks Pete pleadingly.

Pete takes a deep breath. A group other men who died in 9/11 arrive.

One them juxtaposes Jump Around with the images of Jack and Lem in his head. It’s hilarious.

“You did the gay dance, dude. And you rocked it out!” says one of them to Lem.

Lem laughs slightly.

“Hey, being gay is okay.” says one of them jokingly.

“I want to puke!” says Lem.

“I’m still struggling with hating gay men. And not because I’m queer actually.” one of them adults. “I don’t think some of them realize how genuinely annoying they can be.”

“It’s okay, dude. We’ll work it out!” another one says.

Lem shakes his head no, crying. He tries not to.

“We’ll get her back!!” says one of them.

“Pete’s a good guy. He’s not trying to take her if she’s yours.” says another one.

“I didn’t know I was just destroying her.” he says crying.

“Now or before?” they ask.

“Now! She needs help, and I just attacked her.” he says struggling to breath.

“Hey! Chill!” says Pete.

He calms himself.

“Who’s idea was it?” asks one of them.

Bette Davis slams another pie in Joe Sr.’s face.

Pat Wilson takes up knitting to ignore it all. To cope.

Beautiful by Snoop Dogg plays. Michael sings it to Lacey.

“She’s laughing.” one of the guys tells Lem. “Of course she is moved by it. He loves her. But…she’s also laughing.”

The song plays.

“She’s not rejecting him. But she’s also not…sold.” he explains further.

“You like art?” Harold Loeb asks bitingly.

“Look…if you had loved Jack passionately but loved her more she would have loved you in that area of your heart. This is the same. Lem…how much do you love her?! And ask yourself why I’m asking that.” explains Scott.

Murder Was The Case plays.

“Lem…she doesn’t know your character. Are you a user? Looking for a new keeper?” asks Hal Loeb. “She think like that.” He smiles. “She ain’t anyone’s bitch. Butch. Or butcher.”

“Or femme.” says Scott.

Bow Down by Westside Connection plays.

“Lem, think.” says one of the men who died in 9/11.

They listen.

“Fool!” says a dead black gangster to Lem, empathetically.

DFM agrees.

Lem’s mouth, embarrassingly falls open.

Jerome glares at Lem.

Bow Down plays again.

Michael decides they agree too, of course.

Carmen by Lana Del Rey plays.

Joe Sr. lip synchs to Carmen. He’s making it about him. Very seriously.

Lem watches with his new buddies. Then in terror realizing he doesn’t know the Kennedy’s all that well, he gets up and runs home. His buddies disappear and understand.

There’s no way to be right with Lacey. He can explain. He can correct her. But he can’t be right when he was wrong.

“I assumed she knew how much I loved her.” he says. Then he says, “Who am I fighting with?”

“She might have acted fine. To be kind and appropriate.” says his father.

“You gloried bullshit when you made Kem a thing in popular culture.” explains a man who died in 9/11. “I don’t care what gay men mistakenly thought happened between those two. …Don’t bluff! …You’re…embarrassing yourselves on the other side.” He sighs. “You don’t understand what happened. You made stuff up to fill in the logical gaps. And those gaps are there because it’s not a pretty, secret gay love story.” He scoffs. “And no, not Lacey misunderstanding. Popular culture misunderstanding and mythologizing something VILE.”

“You’re at war with Jack and all the entities he supports and who support him. Dead and alive.” says Lem’s father to Lem.

“JFK! Woohoo!!!“ yells Iran. “Shake your asses cool-kids!”

“Do they know you’re right?” asks a CIA woman of Lacey.

“She’s not going to answer that, sweetie.” says a dead man from 9/11. “I was in the North Tower!!!” he says after someone accuses him of being a terrorist.

“My gosh…am I a stupid tween?” The Loudest Perfume Hater asks.

“You have a penis in your mind!!! She doesn’t!” JFK yells at The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“No, I don’t.” she says.

“You think like an adolescent male jackass from the 1960’s.” Jack says to The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“Lacey looks young. But not like that.” says Iran. “Grow-up!” They seethe. “I’m tired of talking to American Boomers who never matured past 14. All of you.”

“Thing is…would she look as young in 1957? Like…they didn’t have what we have. Imagine taking a person from that generation and giving them our products when they would have already aged well.”

“And our youth obsessed clothes.” says a woman. “And the way we style everything.”

“She looks good. But she was aging very slowly.” says Scott. “In her appearance.”

“And you all got mad and decided to take that away from her too!” says the man from 9/11.

Hey Kids plays.

“Freaky company!” sings Michael Rockefeller to Lacey.

“You’re also proving you’re not just constantly full of hate and violence against people you interact with. Insidiously.” says Lem’s father to Lem.

“Lacey…we are supposed to be run by the people.” a Saoirse says to Lacey.

“Yes, true.” says Lacey. “Or are we? …I don’t think America was ever truly that free.” She thinks. “It’s always been a partial scam, in my estimation. It’s a country run to be free…by a small group of people who secretly run everything. Like the wizard of Oz. They hide and pull strings…and dither and loathe and cry and die…and fear. Tremendous amounts of fear. Should they exist.”

Gilded Lily plays.

“Are we free at all then?” she asks.

“As much as any country can be? Maybe. Maybe not. It’s very difficult to create freedom in this world.” says Lacey.

“It’s very difficult. But they try. And it’s why individualism is so important.” says Michael.

Suddenly erupting:

After reading that and it making her narcissistically enraged, “You talk to everyone like they’re in kindergarten.” The Loudest Perfume Hater says to Lacey as if she’s the Holy Spirit.

“No, you often sound like a conceited moron. An she’s too genuinely feminine and mature and angry to know how to appropriately…tell you off? What kind of tone are you looking to receive? Sex? Adoration? What?” asks F. Scott Fitzgerald to The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“It’s just so…aggravating. Why doesn’t she admit she’s in love with me?!” scoffs The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“We did that! We decided she was in love with The Loudest Perfume Hater.” says Mr. Blue. “And yes! Why is she talking to a Saoirse like that? She doesn’t know her! She’s a freak!” says Mr. Blue. “She’s a liar. Tommy Banks was never in the mafia. Or organized crime. And Watergste had nothing to do with him. He was 11 when they sent him to prison. He wasn’t born in 1894. He…grew-up in 1950’s West Bloomington. And ran a poor person’s business and are shit for breakfast. Made of additives.”

“Wow! Go on.” says The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“He’s a Vietnam Veteran. And…he’s…on Mars.” says Mr. Blue seriously.

“Did I talk to her and Michael like they were equals or parents?” asks a Saoirse.

“So what!!!” says The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“That’s too stupid. Sorry.” Mr. Blue says to The Loudest Perfume Hater. “Why do you always defy truth?”

“You think Saoirse actually thinks Lacey’s genuinely that mature?” asks The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“Yes!” says a Saoirse.

The Loudest Perfume Hater looks sad.

“She’s in love with me!!!” The Loudest Perfume Hater says.

“No, she’s not.” says Michael about Lacey.

“Why am on your blog?!” she asks.

“Because you’re a fascinating, compelling character to write about.” says Louis. “It’s like opera, sweetie.”

“What’s the secret between us then?” she asks Louis.

“What? It’s not that they’re in love?” asks Jack, confused.

“No! I can’t believe anyone would assume that!” says Lacey.

“What is it?” asks Harold Loeb of Lacey.

“Honestly…it’s vile. But it isn’t that.” says Lacey. “Let me hasten to say, it’s probably political.”

Prince Philip nods his head in agreement.

Michael nods and smiles. “She’s preparing for the next American Revolutionary War. Subconsciously she started reading people in…2008.”

“Why?” asks an Englishwoman.

“I’m looking for my natural allies.” says Lacey.

“No, you aren’t that way all the time?” asks Lord Snotgrass. “No…”

“That’s nothing.” says Michael.

“You aren’t uptight. You…just are that person.” a hater realizes. “It’s not an act at all?!”

“Really?! Was my actual personality an act?!” asks Bette Davis.

“Okay.” says The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“God help me, you are abrasive!” Bette Davis says to The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“No!! Bette Davis isn’t attracted to you either!” Mr. Blue yells at The Loudest Perfume Hater.

A Boomer laughs. “Why do you think all these old women are attracted to you?!” she asks The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“I can’t stand their distance. Emotionally. It’s more hurtful that they actually care but don’t. I want…attention and an emotional response.” The Loudest Perfume Hater explains.

“I have a problem. I can’t stop being a malignant narcissist. And we’re both delusional when we attacked Lacey we immediately started using you.” Mr. Blue says to The Loudest Perfume Hater. “Remember? That’s why you get incredibly noticed. We made you. We…made you noticed. Do you understand?” says Mr. Blue to The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“Can I sue someone?” asks The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“No. Don’t try it either. It’s a waste of money. Who are you anyway? What’s your actual name?” asks Lem of The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“She knows my name! So do you!” says The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“No! She’s not aroused by women.” Joe Jr. says to Jack.

GOODBYE (feat. Lyse) by Feder plays.

“She doesn’t find anything appealing about women. At all. In that way.” says Lem. “Romantically or sexually.”

“So there’d be nothing correct about my premise.” says Wobbly.

“No, and she has no idea why they care so much, Mr. Blue.” says Michael.

“Soo…you think we’re fake.” says Jack.

“Suits me.” says Lem. He smiles.

Rumour Has It plays.

“Suits me too.” says Michael.

“I worry it’s too deceptive. But…it’s nice to have privacy.” says Louis.

“Her father did the lighting for the Watergate scandal.” says a Meghan.

Under A Blanket Of Blue plays.

Jimmy Hoffa laughs.

“I’m 1/4 done!” announces Pat Wilson, cheerfully.

After some internal deliberation.

“Okay so…you have an interest in my family for your own reasons?” asks Wobbly.

“What do you mean?” asks Lacey.

“You’re obsessed with us?” Wobbly asks.

“Define obsessed in this context, obviously.” says Lacey.

“Okay, I admit Lem doesn’t count. Fully admit. …But…we have been featured a lot.”

“Well, I’m not sure what to say.” says Lacey.

“Is she obsessed with me?” asks Bette Davis.

“No.” says a perfume hater.

“Lem, Jack relied on you. Heavily. You saved his life and made him who he was. Do hear me?!” asks the 9/11 victim.

A moment later.

“He RELIED ON YOU!!!” the man yells at Lem.

Later.

“Lem, YOU SUPPORTED HIS WHOLE LIFE!” the man says again.

A moment later.

“Lem, her life has been supported by what? Who has she relied on?” asks the man.

“No, no one.” says Pete. “She’s worked with people. And had money. Like Jack. But she’s relied on nothing and no one.”

“And not nearly as much as Jack.” says another man who died on 9/11.

“Except for Christ.” says a prostitute from the 1930’s about Lacey.

“That’s true.” says Lacey. “I have relied on Christ.”

“What about church or Christian charity?” asks a Gen X woman.

“No. Not relied.” says Lacey.

“No, you pray and God helps you. Get a grip!” says the prostitute.

“I agree, sorry.” says Lacey.

“We think alike and she’s proud of it!” says the prostitute.

“I am!” says Lacey.

Smokehouse Blues plays.

“I died of prostitution in the 1940’s.” says the prostitute.

Lacey laughs.

“No, I’m not the prostitute Jack fucked! I lived in Manhattan but I never met them.” she says.

“I seem bourgeois and snobby and prudish.” says Lem to the prostitute.

“Aren’t you?!” she asks.

Lem looks embarrassed.

“Stop over-empathizing with them. And me.” Lem says to Lacey.

“That’s not the problem.” says Michael. “Come on, Lem. What are you looking for?”

“It’s too late.” he says. “I love you.” he says to her but she genuinely can only hear condescension. Patronizing, homophobic, misogynistic, vile bullshit.

“Lem, answer Michael.” says a man named Rod.

“I’m looking for the reason you did it.” he says to Lacey.

“Lem, I’ve tried to tell you.” she says.

“Yeah. So have I.” says Kurt Cobain.

“So I couldn’t psychologically handle that you didn’t realize how ugly my wife and Batgirl III are compared to you. So I made you a gold-digger and mean girl. And inculcated you to attack you using the Illuminati. And now that you’re talking about the point of this blog, which is me and we’ve come clean…how about you stop. Stop existing.” says Mr. Blue.

“You don’t have fine features. You have exquisite features. People, including your supposed mom, lied to you. Always. They all hate you for being better than them like soulless ghouls. You’re not heartless, I am. I’m a total asshole most of the time. Truth is, I’m basically a lesbian but it’s too embarrassing. And I like men enough to get by, so to speak. And love them… But, I didn’t enjoy hating you as much as usual because you’re so hated and neglected by people it’s just sick. And I feel like a psychopath. …And you always win anyway. Maybe it’s both. …Yeah, I don’t think anyone alive has ever loved you really. Not really other than maybe as a friend. That being said, everyone fears and respects you. …Fun life!” says The Loudest Perfume Hater to Lacey.

And at that moment Lem seems an unlikely match to Lacey for herself. It’s only logical.

Bette Davis helps Lacey use her phone with her Audi. Forcing her to slow down and be more careful and intentional.

“Don’t you need someone loved? By everyone. Who is different and needs extra understanding and love? And you provide it. Because that’s your speciality? …It’s beautiful. And I respect it. But stop teasing me. You find me repulsive in reality, I bet. Somehow. …I’m sorry if I’ve bothered you. Wobbly insists I am. He insists that’s all he hears you saying. And I don’t want to be a jerk.” says Lacey to Lem. “Please try harder to leave me alone if that’s true. I seem to mishear you.”

“Satisfied!??!?” Louis asks Lem.

“I’LL KILL YOU!!! You smug piece of shit!!!” Lem yells at Wobbly. “I’LL KILL ALL OF YOU!!!” he yells at the Kennedy’s of age.

“No, that’s not him. He’s sucking your dick right now in his heart in his heart. Right hon?” Lacey asks Wobbly.

“I’d be asking myself if this the actual origin of the curse.” suggests Pat Wilson.

“No. Wobbly is god. He’d never let that happen on his watch!” says Lacey sarcastically.

“Hey what if Lem was straight? And you all literally destroyed him? And now he’s being tortured?!” asks Pete. “He can’t understand Lacey because he doesn’t want to admit he’s so wrong about everything he held on to to be able to love you at all.” he says to them.

“No, Lem’s threats are not the origin of the curse.” explains Michael.

“Hey, let’s talk about this openly.” Louis says to Lem.

More later.

Turns out Wobbly may be conjuring Jack Bouvier not Lem. And Gore Vidal. That’s Jack Bouvier. Not Jack Kennedy.

“Umm…so Jack is angry at Lem?” a person asks.

“Yes. I hate that little nigger.” says Jack Bouvier.

Lacey and Bette laugh at a safe distance.

More later.

“I hate her!” says Jackie O. about Lacey.

More later.

“I want to strangle her at the thought of her being with anyone but me. But I restrain myself well. I love her. And wish no harm on her. …She understands.” sighs Michael. “They use that to harm her.”

More later.

“I also really do understand her situation.” says Michael.

“Okay! Time to talk!” says Louis.

“Yes!” says Lem. He smiles confidently.

“Who do you love the most?” Lem asks Lacey.

“I think it’s you. But I worry it’s not.” says Lacey. “I’m sorry.”

And at that Lem cries. Then controls himself.

“We think so too.” says Louis.

Michael explains to Lacey how tender he is. And says she’d not be able to resist him. And JFK faints.

Upon hearing that news Pat Wilson laughs while on a date with Joe. Joe also finds it funny.

“Shit!!!” Lem yells.

“Are you ready to talk now?!” Louis asks him.

Tommy Banks works with a physician to help Lacey. She just pleaded with God to help her.

Jack is unconscious. Related but unrelated.

“I have a feeling if you died, your dad would be there. Okay.” says a woman about Tom Banks.

That’s a shocking but comforting thought to Lacey.

Porz Goret by Yann Tiersen plays.

Tommy Banks seemingly is Lacey’s father. Whether by birth or adoption it’s certain.

Louis smiles.

Jack wakes up in the backseat of Judith Exner’s car. The of Ethel dying makes Lacey feel like weeping. And Lem finally listens to his new friends…

The Seasons, For Piano, Op. 37 by Tchaikovsky plays.

Joe Jr. cries

“I warned you!” J. P. says to Joe Jr..

Moments later, Lem sits next to Lacey.

“It must be awful loving Ethel so much. Not that that’s awful. But you could have been her sister and now it’s this.” Lem shrugs.

“It’s a cautionary tale.” says Bernie Madoff. “Doesn’t this Tchaikovsky sound like a lot like the soundtrack for a movie made about tragedy? Families. Money. It’s perfect.”

Chopin: Nocturne No. 2 In E Flat Op. 9, No. 2 plays.

“Why Ethel?” asks someone of Lacey.

“Because underneath everything there’s a dear, fragile heart.” says Lacey. “And she tries so hard not to be trouble.”

Bobby agrees.

“Or someone better agrees more.” says Lacey.

More later.

Lem, Lacey, Michael and Louis sit in group.

“Okay, so…Lem why don’t you apologize to Lacey?” asks Louis.

“Lacey, I ruined our lives. But they’re our lives because you’re my wife!” says Lem. “Everyone watching has a different opinion on who you should be with.” He clears his throat. “Wife being the best word I can think of to describe our love.”

“Judith likes me.” says Louis.

“Lem likes me for you. But he loves you.” says Michael. “And that’s our main problem.”

“Lem’s father thinks Lem needs to be more honest.” says Lem’s father.

“Fine! Then I’ll demand she stop talking to them. But I lose my temper and screw-up.” he says to his dad.

“Then you do that!!!” says his father.

Lem cries silently. “I don’t actually think Michael would be better for you. I just hate that I don’t have a good apology for you. Sure I’m sorry I got involved at all with Jack. …But what can I say? It’s a waste of time. You love me more than that and I don’t have a way to apologize sufficiently to honor the feelings I have, would have had and wish I had had for you. Yes, wish I had had. Because I wish you had been there. It would have changed my life. Not as a best friend, but as the love of my life and my soul. My very soul, Karrie. You’re not Jack, and that’s not a problem. It’s what I feel I was created for. …But then I worry when I see you and Michael. Because he has been been there for you and so has Louis. I understand why you would love them. …But it’s not more than me! Is it?!? …And if it’s not…be honest. Not for them but for me! …I love you! I love you. …I love you!” he says, growing amorous.

“You feel you were created to watch Jack watch Michael before Judith comes to pick him up?” asks Lacey.

Lem stares at her.

Louis laughs.

“No. Watch Michael make love to you.” he says.

“Truly?” she asks sincerely,

“NO!!” he yells.

“The thing is, she needs someone safe.” says Judith. “Just saying! Judith doesn’t think she could sound like a convincing Millennial either.

“No! She’s not you. …Nor is she actually me. So I need to have her. That’s not an option!” says Lem.

“We do love her though Lem.” says Michael.

“No. I’m sorry. No.” says Lem.

“Okay. It’s not over until God says so. But we’ll wait and see what she thinks. If she does love you more…fine.” says Louis.

“Who loves me the most?” asks Lacey.

Chaos.

Lose Yourself by Eminem plays.

The song plays.

Moments later Lem straightens out his glasses.

The others are gone.

“Look, if you’re betrayed by me or love me less than I think they’ll return. Until then it’s just us.” he says to Lacey. “Lacey, I was created with you as my rib.”

Lacey thinks. Feels uneasy. Does she love Lem enough?

Stardust performed by Artie Shaw.

“You know, I don’t care.” says Lem. “Forget it. I don’t care if it’s painful to kiss me. I don’t care! It’s like you’re sick when you have feelings for other guys and I have no choice but to be the sane one between us.”

Michael concedes for as long as it’s just.

“I don’t care. You love them. Maybe more. I don’t care! That was dumb. Let’s go to bed.” says Lem. “Do you love me at all?”

“Yes!”

“That’s perfect.”

In A Time Lapse

Einaudi: Life plays.

Lem is supposed to understand but he doesn’t. Not fully.

She had a dream where she was beautiful. Like a top movie star. In high school. In the 1980’s. Lip gloss and colored denim. Perms. New Wave. All of it.

But she didn’t care. Barely knew her class schedule. Everything was a blur.

“But that was me now, if I went back in time?” asks Lacey.

“Yes.” says Lem.

“I was better at it all when I was younger.” says Lacey.

And despite her beauty. No friends. No boys. …Just horror at home. Money that seems to always come out of nowhere. And-

“Epic loneliness.” says Lem.

“She goes to the bathroom. Looks in the mirror and sees her face. Wonders why at least young men don’t occasionally love her. …But it is what it is.” says Louis.

“Who is she looking nice for?” asks Reta of Louis.

“She doesn’t know.” says Louis smiling.

“You used to get at least pretty good grades. In the best classes.” says a peer who hated her. Convinced her that she might be objectively vile, superficially speaking.

“But you don’t look vile.” says the female hater with venom.

“What’s that supposed to mean? Your tone is baffling.” says Lacey.

They snicker. It’s obviously true. But it’s too mature. Too smart. Too nuanced. …And they essentially want to kill her.

“What do you mean by ‘My tone is baffling?’” asks the hater.

“Are you insulting me or trying to guilt-trip me? And if you are insulting me what’s the insult? And if you are guilt-tripping me…why do you assume I have any idea what you’re talking about? …Am I supposed to take the insult in an intuitive, psychic way? Like poetry? …If I do…it just makes me feel like absolute objective shit. …And that’s the perspective you gave me. But it was massively inaccurate. You were actually an ugly toad compared to me. …But I truly didn’t know that.” says Lacey. “I chalked it all up to my pimples. And tried to imagine what it was about my face that you all hated to be able to honestly accept it in a humble, strong way.”

“You looked Norwegian.” says a hater’s objectively witchy looking mother.

“And so all Norwegians are ugly?” Lacey asks as a child sincerely. “Hmm. Maybe they are.” she muses calmly to herself.

The music plays on.

“I was just winging it.” confesses The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“When you insulted me?!” asks Lacey.

“Yes.” she confesses.

“That’s what it seemed like. …But that doesn’t make any sense…“ says Lacey.

“Why?!” asks her mother.

“Because she has such gravity and force behind her insults. The haters always do and have. …It truly feels like they’re really supposed to mean something. But…they’re just mind boggling. And…creepy. And so violent.” says Lacey. “It’s like being told gibberish is language with the light of Christ supposedly asserting it’s true.”

“Like what sort of language??” asks Paul Turton.

“Like symbols. Not words. Physical gestures.” says Lacey.

“No written words?!” he asks.

“No. It’s been guesswork my whole life.” says Lacey.

“So your mind is always decoding?” asks a Freemason.

“That’s been my whole life.” says Lacey.

“Your mother who raised you occasionally knew what you were actually thinking and feeling. But otherwise you’ve been left…entirely alone.” says a female Freemason.

“No friends who didn’t secretly hate her. No dances. No boyfriends. No fun.” says Joe Jr.. He fumes. “This is why I don’t leave, Lem!!! …You never get it! You can’t expect her to magically just know what other people would. …Just because you find her attractive and would have let down your guard and made love to her doesn’t indicate anything conclusive to her. It’s a fascinating thing. She cares about you. Possibly more lovingly and empathetically than most people…but…it doesn’t clearly indicate anything.”

“How are you more loving than me?” asks a counselor who once hoped Lacey was a sociopath but then worked it out that she wasn’t. “I worry I can’t help you.” she said in a snobbish, cruel tone. “Then she expected $150 for her time. $200 today. Typical experience.” explains Joe Jr.. “Her ex-husband forgot to pay for her last session. Then she ghosted her.”

“No. That actually happened.” says Lacey.

Where I End And You Begin plays.

And then Michael asserts his dominance.

“I would have helped you.” he says to Lacey.

A hurricane starts in her living-room. Swirling beautifully. Papers blowing up and into the air then falling back down to the floor. The wind rising.

“Why didn’t she learn to drive! That’s-that’s poor and evil!!” asserts a young woman about Lacey.

“It just didn’t work out.” says Lacey kindly. No expectation for empathy.

The woman looks irate. “Why not?! That was your job! You should have made it happen. You’re an irresponsible demon from Hell!” she yells at Lacey like she’s Satan herself.

“Did you try?” asks the Native American woman.

“I took driving classes. Finished them. But then my father who raised me got scared when I took the wheel and drove over 20 miles per an hour.” she says. “He literally almost had a panic attack. I had two more chances to drive after that. But the people hated Mr secretly and flaked out. A pastor offered once…but then also flaked out. And so I focused on other things thinking I’d attend to that later.”

“And really you just wanted to die anyway?” asks a counselor. “So why don’t you just die? I hate you. You’re too pretty.” She sighs. “Do you have any idea how much better my life would be if you killed yourself?! You are such a burden.”

“Why?” asks Rocky.

“Who are you?!” the female counselor asks him. “Her handler?! I know you people are just street trash and I’m secretly superior.”

“Why are…you…secretly superior?” asks Jack of the female counselor.

“Because I was raised well. And my family are humble, god-fearing Baptists.” she says in her spirit.

“Mmm. Your claims of superiority are dubious, at best.” says Michael Rockefeller.

“I lose?!?” asks the female counselor in her spirit. She looks surprised and a bit deflated. A bit gloomy.

“Yes.” says Michael slightly apologetically. “But that’s okay.”

“No!!! It’s not!” she says in horror.

White Flag plays. The LGBTQ Community is fighting with Lacey, they’ve decide. They’ve also decided Dido is on their side in this case. Why wouldn’t she be?! She’s not as cool as them…with her cis vagina…and all that stupid old-fashioned shit…but…God is on the side of LOVE.

Why?!? Why did you assholes feel the need to interrupt right now?!?” asks Louis.

“We aren’t assholes! We’re the light of God. We are the Holy Spirit!” they say seriously in their spirits.

“Oh wow!” says a Jew.

“Why are you fighting with Lacey?” asks Michael.

“Because an attack on us is being conducted by her vagina.” they say seriously.

“How?” asks Jack, forced to speak after being pinned down by Lem.

“Because by seducing Lem into heterosexuality she’s going to make us all cease to exist gradually over time. It’s a disease. And spiritually our guides will all turn straight. And then we’ll turn straight. And then we’ll be straight.” They hyperventilate. “And then…”. They hyperventilate more. “And then we’ll all cease to exist!!! She’s HITLER!”

“Umm…my class fear makes sense.” says the female counselor in her spirit. “How is her claiming Lem was possibly straight affect you all this way? I’m logically lost.”

“She could still be Jack reincarnated! Calm down!!” yells a gay man, flailing to the ground. “It’s a false alarm!!!!” he says.

“It’s a demon. I can still be a Christian.” says another gay man.

“Umm. I’m pretty sure she’s just a loser who’s too ugly to get a date.” says another gay man with the seeming authority of seeming absolute truth in his voice.

“But she’s unlovable!!! She’s nit ugly! She’s a hideous person!” he says matter-of-factly, hoping she’s Jack reincarnated.

“But I’m missing how her claiming Lem was possibly straight is so offensive.” says the counselor.

“Because he’s our Cinderella!!! He’s OURS!!! He’s GAY!!!!” they scream bloody murder.

Satan laughs in Lem’s face. Spits in his eyes.

“There is no Satan!” says one of the gay men. “Satan is a myth! Lem is in love and happy and saving Jack’s life as we speak. And Lacey is suffering because she can’t accept that simple…FACT!” he says losing his temper.

“Are they perpetually fucking?” asks a witch.

“Yes! He’s our Lord and Savior.” says a gay man in his spirit. “Lem saves us. Every January. It’s his honor and pleasure as a gentleman.” The gay men twirl like little girls in tutus.

“You’re not little girls. You’re fools.” says Lem.

“No, no! Keep dancing.” says Michael.

“No! You weren’t gay. You were straight.” they say to Michael. “Neither was Jack. Lem was the only true gay man to ever exist.” they say in their spirits.

“Damn!” says a Mark. “Wow! Go on?”

Old Money plays.

“He was the gayest soul. More gay than anything or anyone.” says an aging gay man. “He is homosexuality at its core. He’s our soul.”

Tennessee Williams laughs.

“No!!! You weren’t gay!” they say to Tennessee Williams.

“I wasn’t?!” he asks.

“No!” they say like it’s fact.

“You’re an idiot! You don’t get my glory!” Mr. Blue yells at Lacey.

Lacey’s daughter chokes on water she’s drinking.

“To terrorize me?!” asks Lacey. “That’s just Satan. You’re not creating anything. You’re just sending yourself to Hell and Satan is helping you because he hates you.”

“Lem was gay!!!” yell the homosexuals.

Mr. Blue stands in a river staring blankly at Lacey stupidly.

“Why wasn’t Michael ever queer? Explain.” says Tennessee Williams.

“Because Jack and him were white, rich and normal. And…handsome. …And boring. Lem was a mess. A feminine mess.” say the gay men. They look sad. “He was like…so sexy. But…a mess. A brilliant mess. And he fought so victoriously for Jack to just feel a little bit loved. Sometimes. And he was an amazing cook. Artistic. …Sensitive.” they say fondly.

“How many kids did Lem have?” asks Lacey.

They think. “He wanted to birth four. But he could only have two or three?” one gay man says.

“Huh.” says Michael.

“Who got him pregnant?” asks Tennessee Williams.

“Who got Lem pregnant?” asks a gay man.

“Yeah!” says a Ron Craft.

“Huh. Lacey?” says one of them grinning, playfully.

“No, really. Who does it seem like?” asks Lacey.

“Lem got himself pregnant.” they say.

“Really?!” asks a woman with men by multiple fathers.

“Umm. No. It wasn’t ever Jack.” they admit.

“Was it one of his boyfriends?” she asks.

“No.” they grimace.

“Then who?!” asks Ron Craft.

“Me!” says Michael. “It seems like me.”

They think.

“Except, how…did I get a man pregnant?” asks Michael.

“He’s got a uterus and a vagina.” they sincerely believe and say.

“How tall was he?” asks a living gay man.

“5 feet…9 inches?” says one group.

“6 feet…10 inches?” says another.

“6 feet…4 inches.” says a living bisexual man.

“What color were her eyes?” asks Paul Wellstone.

Washing Machine Heart plays.

They think.

They think more.

“Brown.” say the gay men. “Blue?”

“Brown.” says a straight man on their behalf.

“What perfume did he wear?” asks Paul Wellstone.

“Something sexy. And of that time. But tasteful.” they say seriously.

“Like what?” asks Lacey.

“Balmain? Or no! Something white floral and animalic?” they say. “Lem liked to be so arousing. But he also played it tasteful and cool.”

“But he fucked a Rockefeller!” says Michael.

“Are you saying he was a whore?!” ask the gay men in their spirits.

“No. We were in love and in a committed relationship.” says Michael. “I mean, if it was just me and Lem. That’s the only explanation. Isn’t it?!”

“No Tennessee Williams.” they admit.

“He wasn’t gay!” says Gore Vidal. “That’s what you decided about Tennessee Williams.”

“So…we got married?” Michael asks about him and Lem.

“Michael died?” asks a Tik Tokker facetiously.

“Maybe Michael never died!” says one of the gay men in response.

“Yeah. Maybe. And they had two kids?” asks the Tik Tokker.

Don’t Panic plays.

“Were they in love?” ask the gay men.

“We were soulmates. And he’d wear black lace for me at night. With Fabergé Tigress. And roast chickens. And…comb his long light brown hair. His breasts were always a thing of splendor. …And his lips? Always waiting for me. Tender. Sad.” says Michael. “His low laugh…sounded irreverent and foolish. Intentionally. To suggest defiance of gender oppression. Because…as a woman…Lacey…knew oppression.” He sighs. “She was never really Lem. You know? …People thought she was a closeted gay man. Angry. In love with Jack. From New York. …A poor family? With a farm? …Hiding something? …But what if she was straight? And he was too? …And I never slept with him?”

“They need Lem to be gay in your living family?” asks a Native American of Joe Jr..

“Ego. Money. And no one wants to be honest about our only US President.” says Joe. “Should this be true.”

“Money how?!” asks the Native American woman.

“Lacey, I think you have a huge addiction to truth.” says an English actress.

“Michael is her enabler.” says an Englishman.

“Nah! Louis is a problem too.” says the Native American woman.

“Is Lem dabbling these days too?!” asks a relative of his with feigned concern.

“Money. You know? Greenbacks? Dough.” says Joe Sr. to the Native American woman.

“But how?” asks the Native American woman.

Pictures of Me by Elliott Smith plays.

“We need a good byline. A good product. We are our product. Lem has been a great line. …Discontinuing him would be…costly.” says J. P.. “His popularity has grown exponentially over the years.”

“So he’s been an investment?” asks the Native American woman.

“Yes!! Very much so.” says J. P..

“Why can’t you reformulate Jack?” asks the Native American woman.

“It’s a problem. We have so much in our JFK product line.” says J. P..

A woman nods understanding. “I get it. He’s supposed to be the cis, straight dude.”

“Very successful product! Super profitable.” says J. P.. “It’s our best selling product actually. Although Jackie did well too!!” he says and thinks of it.

“So relabeling Lem is too much to ask. Especially considering he only might be talking to Lacey from the living side’s perspective.” offers a business minded woman.

“Is there any evidence suggesting he’s actually gay?!” asks a dead cigarette company executive.

“Like cigarettes are healthy?!” asks Joe Sr.. “Should he have been straight.”

“No.” says Joe Sr..

“Okay, but if he was straight…he’s clearly at a huge disadvantage with Michael.” says a gay man.

“False advertising pays when it’s all just meaningless fun anyway.” says a Monsanto executive.

Louis smiles in catharsis.

Myth by Beach House plays.

Michael looks at Lacey. In 1961. Should he approach her or not? Lem has been bringing her gin and tonic all night. She’s on her third. But she doesn’t seem drunk.

Michael closes his eyes. Takes a deep breath.

Lem sees.

Lacey doesn’t see.

Lem walks over to Lacey, and asks if she’d like to go for a walk with him.

“Whatever.” she says. “Joe won’t care.” she says getting up. Her fiancé is off with a crowd of women.

And just then in 2023 a little girl or boy with dark hair darts into Lacey’s room and moves the French door further open before ducking down and hiding. Just like one of her own kids. Lacey assumes it’s one of her kids. It isn’t a living child.

“They’re fine!” a Maeve says to Lacey when Lacey asks God (who exists) if the child, should it be one, is okay.

Monsanto inhales and exhales, exasperated.

“Money is money.” J. P. says to them sympathetically. “No! That child moved the door.” he says to Monsanto, seriously.

“They were playing hide and go seek.” says Joe Sr..

“Why did they interrupt?” asks Monsanto.

“You know why.” confesses J. P..

Monsanto rolls his eyes. “That’s not what we agreed to.”

Should Purgatory exist they’re accountability partners. Or they’ve become that over the years.

Bach blows air out of his mouth in utter exasperation. He empathizes with Lacey.

“Why can’t they figure it out? When do I have love?!” asks Lacey seriously.

“I agree!” he says.

“What does one do in this situation?” she asks him.

“Lem doesn’t understand.” he says crying.

It hurts at first, brutally. But then, as per usual, she gets over it.

“It’s so simple.” she says to J. S. Bach.

Benjamin Franklin agrees.

“He’s listening!” says Lem sarcastically, caustically to Lacey.

“No, you can’t shout at her like that. You’re despicable!” says J. S. Bach to Lem.

Benjamin Franklin agrees again, peacefully.

“I’m hurt!!!!” yells Lem.

Bach looks at him like he’s insane. “Shh!” he says. “Think. What has she told you?”

Lem takes a breath and thinks.

He smiles. “It doesn’t make me feel any better.”

“Then why did you create the mess?” asks Bach.

“I understand. I do. It’s just that I can’t make their love go away.” says Lem.

“Then you shouldn’t have created the mess.” says Bach.

“You can’t undo it. And she understands that. That’s why she faces it.” says Benjamin Franklin.

“You don’t have to be so brave. Not as much as her. She can just love Harold or Louis or maybe Michael for eternity. They’re not as scared. They have nothing to hide?” says Bach.

“I’m not hiding anything.” he says crying to Bach.

“Right, young man. But…she’s not okay. And how do you help?” he asks.

“Hey! Did you hear about the story about how much Lem got jealous over JFK!!?” asks a rival of Tommy Banks who harasses Lacey everyday endlessly. He reveals himself.

He laughs as Summertime Sadness says, “That’s not possible!! Ghosts don’t exist! There’s no way! No way!!!” Then he texts Summertime Sadness more, “Okay! She’s a slut who practices witchcraft or I’m a wrong and Nee Age people know better than me. She can’t be right. I cannot be wrong about the way I interpreted that. I’m BRILLIANT!”

“Oh no, he is smart.” says Lacey.

“Oh yeah!? You think so?!” says the former mobster to Lacey.

“It seems so.” says Lacey.

“What I do know? I’m just a-“ says the dead man.

“Why are you attacking me?” she asks.

“Ask your father!” he yells.

“I don’t want to.” she says.

He laughs.

“Why can’t you tell me?” she asks.

He shrugs.

“You can’t tell me?!” she asks.

“The homosexuals.” he says. “Sounds demented. But that’s what it boils down to.”

“Does it matter?” asks Lacey.

“The war they declared on your soul?” he asks.

“No!” yells Louis.

“Hey! I’m being tortured!” says the dead monster. Lacey prays for grace for him if she can.

Apologize plays.

“I wanted a pussy to screw every night.” says Michael to Lem.

The dead mobster nods.

“But you wanted to be GLORIFIED!” Lacey says to Lem. “Shake that huge ass horny for Just Jack!”

Flashing Lights by Kayne West plays.

Elliott Smith shakes his shoulders.

“Shake it baby! Do your thang!” says the dead mobster to Lem.

“You like cock not pussy? Right you horny slut?!” asks a gay man who died of AIDS of Lem.

“Here’s your bedazzled Birkin! Awww! You made to the moving pictures. You hot piece of ass! Damn!” she hands him the bag. “The heels by Louboutin are in the back. The maid to wipe your ass will drop by at 12:00. Isn’t this what you signed-up for? You look upset.” she says to Lem.

He refuses to respond.

Elliott gets down to business dancing.

“What? It’s all about the Benefits and Benjamins, you hoe!” she winks.

“But gay marriages weren’t legal!” says Louis.

“He didn’t want to settle down.” says Lacey. “He made that clear according to homosexuals. And he also put an enormous emphasis on that bedroom in the White House and elite circle travel with Jack. He was advocating not just for so-called homosexual liberation but profound materialism and loose romantic relationships based on emotional bullshit.”

She gets into his face.

“I aim to please my customers.” she says before spitting in his face.

“She really does. It’s a matter of honor for her. And no she doesn’t mean prostitution. She means the way you used her soul to sex prep for your buddy Jack Kennedy. Your very best friend forever. Isn’t that what this is? Sex prep? You use her to get your dick harder so his Addison’s can feel better? That’s what they told us.” says the dead mobster. He shrugs.

“Yeah, but then what was that whole business about Joe being in love with me?” Lacey asks the dead mobster.

“It was part of the sex prep.” he says.

Lacey sighs. “Huh. So…wow! You and Jack are like…top sex experts!” Lacey says to Lem feigning humility.

“They’re the best in eternity. Almost.” says Louis.

“Yeah. It’s common knowledge.” Elliott Smith says to Lacey in feigned awe of them.

“Oh! Sorry.” she says with seriousness to Lem. “Well, whatever expert sex you two do that my shit brain can never hope to get a million miles close to fathoming, I hope to someday come close to being able to apologize for not being able to help perfecting.” says Lacey.

“It’s what makes the world go round. It’s why when Jack was shot he was so so soo sad.” says Elliott Smith.

“Oh! The lesbians knew. They too are superior ones.” says Lacey.

“We did. We are too in awe of Lem and Jack thigh. The butthole evaporates and Lem does cartwheels in ecstasy.” the lesbians explain.

“Oh my! But Jack has such a sacrificial sex role then? It’s all about Lem’s pleasure!”wonders Lacey.

“The oral sex he performs isn’t like us. Like…our mouths are lowly by comparison right? So when Lem does it it gets him off with an orgasm a woman could only dream of.” the lesbian says as she nods, agreeing.

“Wow!!! They lie about that.” Lacey says.

“The homosexual men?” asks Elliott Smith.

“Yes.” says Lacey.

“Well…with our shit brains we can’t handle it. If we knew we’d lose our minds with jealousy.” says the lesbian.

“Oh!!” says Lacey. “Thanks for explaining.”

Lem stands holding his baddy-Birkin.

Zebra plays.

“Lem…we apologize if we made a mistake. Should you have been straight and not just mocking Lacey’s hellish life for fun with Jack like the obviously entitled, cool jocks of Hyannis you are…from the worldwide land of Kennedy-US circa 1940…we apologize for inconveniencing you at all.” says Michael Rockefeller.

He rises.

“Say, when I advised you to apologize to her a while ago and you chose not to…I thought it was sad. Because I do love her. And as much as I love my other possible mate for eternity…I can’t resist Lacey. Literally. And she apparently can’t resist me. So…we might get stuck together for eternity. And we can love each other. God can redeem it. …But…I thought you loved her more? And she gets the concept but not the love for her. Lem…I can still reach her. And…it’s ugly. What you did was ugly. She should never have been expected to magically understand. Louis and I don’t hate you. But we hate your hatred of us.” says Michael.

“Why did she love you more in that moment??” Lem asks Michael.

“She didn’t, Lem!” says Louis.

“She thought of you!!” Michael yells at Lem.

Lem stands with his baddy-Birkin thinking. Elliott Smith and a dead mobster stare at him.

Burial by Miike Snow plays.

“Then why?!” he asks Michael.

“She’s-“. Michael laughs. Closes his eyes. Collects himself.

“Lem, what don’t you understand?! If you’re really straight.” says Louis.

Standing with his baddy-Birkin, strobe light overhead…Who Am I (What’s My Name) by Snoop Dogg playing Lem’s father appears. He stands in front of him awkwardly.

“Lem, we need to talk.” his father says.

Lem looks mortified.

And at that Lem’s father indicates to him to put down the baddy-Birkin. Lem does. Then he awkwardly points to the door. Lem leaves with his father.

They had The Talk, of course.

Three hours later. Lem walks in smiling happily.

Then he walks up to Louis and punches him in the face. Then walks over to Michael and simply shakes his head. Then punches him too.

Both men take the punch. Michael smiles.

“If you want to come home I’ll be here waiting.” Lem says. “I’m sorry.” he says sadly before running to the bathroom to throw-up.

“No, it’s not that.” says Michael to the living Illuminati who struggle to blame Lacey. “Our love is sincere.”

“Michael! We need to talk!” say the so-called “the gays.”

“About what?” he asks.

“Okay, I did a quick internet search and turns out you were either gay or bi. Just like Lacey suggests. Seemingly. Why are we attacking Lacey?” they ask.

“Because you’re demon possessed.” says Louis.

Michael refuses to respond.

“So people can actually fake being homosexual?! I thought that was scientifically impossible.” say a group of gay men seriously. “People would never do that. It’s so unlikely. We’re oppressed. There’s no reason to.”

“They could get psychologically disoriented or psychotic or just really confused.” says A. Heche.

“Molestation can be very difficult to process.” says Elliott smith.

“But Lem wasn’t!” says a Liberal Democrat.

Mr. Blue stands in the water near East Palestine, reaches in and drunks it.

“It’s yummy! Takes just like candy.” says Mr. Blue seriously. “There are a great many things we lie about today, but the health and safety of our citizens isn’t one of them.” He blinks and blinks. “Lem was gay, in love with Jack and Lacey made up all of the claims of his molestation. I was that priest. And I was a swell guy. That’s what my witch friend told me.” He blinks a lot again. “In 1998 this water was almost clear and now it’s tasty. So in coordination with my friends I’ve decided to bring it to your home.” A video of a man in a flannel shirt in a nice kitchen drinking the water plays. “I don’t want you to miss out. We have nothing to worry about! The water tastes good.” He smiles. “It takes sophistication and guts to embrace the future. Now, in this era of Trump and temptation…when the sky is green and bibbydot. I flagsmoz.”

Sea Change by Stephan Moccio plays.

He looks confused into the camera.

“Here! It’s over here!” someone yells from off-camera at him.

He squints into the camera.

“Okay! I see it now!” he says. He smiles oddly before looking suddenly morose. “Just buy this shit! Okay?!?! …You stupid idiots!” he yells.

Then in an increasing stupor he squints more, takes steps backward and falls into the river. But he doesn’t get up. He just sits there staring blankly at the camera. Finally he says, “It’s shallow here. And cool. Like a river!!”

A video of water running over a waterfall plays.

“Is he okay?!” a producer asks.

End of live commercial.