Air Poop

Summertime by Sidney Bechet plays.

A little girl now dead who was born in 1947 called Joe Jr. “air poop” as a joke. Why? Because Lem is her future friend’s dad not Joe. Or Michael? But not Mr. Kennedy. Joe Kennedy is air poop who bothers mommies.

“So is Elliott! That’s what my mommy calls them.” the little girl explains. “When she’s talking on the phone.”

“I flew in the air. On a plane.” says Prince Philip to the little girl.

The little girl looks embarrassed and shy. After a moment, “I’m sorry!” she says to Prince Philip. “I didn’t know you flew on a plane!”

“Not all pilots are evil men.” says her father who actually resembles Lem. Except he’s shorter. Her father was writer.

“The men looked more alike than you might think too, Lacey.” says Ann Morgan Guillert.

Ann has yelled at Lem a lot lately. She’s trying to be fair. …She smiles.

“Oh no! Ann Morgan Guilbert! That’s… Oh no! Oh no! That makes sense!” think a group of Lacey’s haters. “Lacey I think you’re schizophrenic! …Yeah, that’s it! You’re schizophrenic!” they say in their spirits.

“Are there men alive under the age of…70 who look like Lem?” asks The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“No. Not really. I’ve been looking my whole life.” says Lacey.

“There were quite a few back in the day.” says the little girl’s mother to Lacey.

Those alive flounder.

The woman explains, “No! They weren’t all confused about their sexuality. That was just Lem. My husband never wondered if he was gay. You can ask him someday yourself.“. She clears her throat. “Lacey also struggles to find clothes. Brooks Brothers is her only choice, poor thing.”

“What Loro Piana?” asks a Gen Z woman of Lacey half jokingly and half seriously.

“It’s lovely, but the shapes aren’t quite my style. I like what we call a ‘classic look’ today.” says Lacey.

“She’s tried Chanel.” says Queen Elizabeth II. “It’s fine. But hand sewn dresses from the 1950’s fit better.” She’s being a bit crass and American in her speech today. She smiles.

“Like a glove!” says Ann in character.

The Boomers are shocked.

“No, she’s not hateful.” Ann says about Queen Elizabeth II.

Every Tub performed by King Oliver And His Dixie Syncopators plays.

“Lacey loves King Oliver.” says Reta. “And her favorite is Jelly Roll Morton.”

“Can you imagine that?! A 1950’s or 60’s First Lady who loved 1920’s jazz musicians who played in whore houses?!!” Joe Sr. says to his son in the past.

A lush, exotic villa where JFK stayed with his family in southern France is covered in People online.

“Wow! Can you imagine?!?” a Boomer says to Lacey as if her family couldn’t have stayed there.

Lacey looks at the photos. She looks at it. She is willing to be proven wrong?

“No, that’s not the villa I dreamt of.” Lacey says nicely.

They get angry at Lacey.

“No, it was a villa. But not like that.” says Scott Fitzgerald.

Harold Loeb is exasperated.

Harold Loeb is totally exasperated.

Harold Loeb is…not okay, folks.

Harold Loeb sits on a lawn chair, sprawled out in Southern France. On the side of a mountain. Overlooking the sea. Under a hot tropical sun. It’s a gorgeous scene but he’s not happy…

Love Is The Drug plays. “Love is never a drug.” explains Harold Loeb. “And I’m getting tired of hearing bullshit like that. If you’re going to reference us, be mindful it gets annoying when you lacerate our souls.”

He mad.

“It’s a good song though.” says Lacey.

Harold nods, smiling nicely.

“The house I dreamt of was smaller. And more remote.” explains Lacey.

“What?!?? You all keep setting yourselves up to feel inferior over and over again. And you’ve been at this for decades. …Why do you do this to yourselves? It’s mentally deranged.” says Ernest Hemingway to the haters.

“What’s wrong with HUGE villa the Kennedy’s rented??” asks an actor in Gen X. He may be trying to offer a hint.

“Honestly…it’s about love.” says Lacey. “Without love it’s Hellish.”

“My mom would have agreed.” says a woman in her 50’s.

“What?! The size of that villa isn’t…shattering?” asks the actor of Lacey.

“I think middle-class tourists who stayed in that area in nice hotel rooms in the last century…with happy families likely had more genuine fun.” says Lacey. “If Jack and Kick were too narcissistic to cognitively understand or Lem lent his soul to deceive them…then there you go.”

“You truly see them as dullards.” says a black witch in the Illuminati to Lacey.

“Yes. You’d have to be genuinely retarded to enjoy such utter bullshit.” says Lacey.

Mr. Blue laughs. His family is maybe a little superior to the original Kennedy’s…he imagines. …In that way at least.

“The house isn’t that large.” explains Lacey. “And it’s…meaningless. They’re just dull as dirt, big rooms.”

“Not like Blenheim Palace.” says Sir Winston Churchill to Lacey.

“Absolutely what I meant.” says Lacey.

“I am HATE that villa.” says Michael Rockefeller to the stubborn in the Illuminati.

The Lemp family agrees.

“No, you can’t steal medical progress made in the 20th Century just because you’re pouting for being told you were wrong!” Lacey says to the they.

“Isn’t it pretty?!?” Kick genuinely pleads with Lacey to appreciate the villa.

Lem feels profoundly stupid today. …He smiles.

Lacey’s been to the villa many times. In her spirit. She’s seen the rooms before so the photos don’t surprise her. It looks the same, almost. …The swimming pool in her first novel was eventually hijacked by the swimming pool at the villa. …Seemingly genuinely.

Lacey walks barefoot around the property one last time with Kick.

Smokehouse Blues plays.

“It’s French.“ says Lacey to Kick.

Kick nods and smiles to think. Sits down to think.

“It’s a villa!” says a dead French woman to Lacey.

My Man sung by Billie Holiday plays.

“In honor of the fuck-best- Fuck-buddies? No. Best Friend Fuckers? No. Fucking best friends! No… Gay Lovers of the Century: Lem and Jack.” says the little girl’s father. That’s why My Man plays.

“It’s a villa.” Lacey says to the dead French woman. Lacey thinks. “Well, I’m sure the original family had many great memories here?”

“Possibly?” says another dead French woman.

“That’s nice!” says Lacey brightly. Lacey isn’t here to sort out the personal affairs of other families if the matters truly don’t concern her.

“No, I’m sure much fun was had here!” says the French woman smiling.

“Hey! Your family you were raised in could chip in and everyone could get together and buy this place!” Jack says to Lacey…somehow.

“Do you want me to be honest?!” asks Lacey.

He looks at her in fear.

“I’d like to blow it up.” says Lacey. “Burning it down is wrong. I’d like to just blow it up. Watch on a yacht from the ocean. As a good, hearty Lacey Banks joke.” she says happily.

She thinks.

“Actually, I’d like to buy out the entire area and destroy everything down to the coast.” says Lacey. “Then just turn it as over to nature, safely. Actually Jack, I’d do that with most places. We’ve been horrible creatures, us humans.”

All Of Me by Sidney Bechet plays.

“Certainly not everywhere.” says Lacey. “Maybe not even most places.”

“Say, you’re real swell, Jack.” says Joe Jr..

My Name Is by Eminem plays.

Michael dances. …A victory dance.

“Jack why can’t you get down to Eminem? Lem makes it chill. Michael finds it groovy. What about you?” asks Joe Jr..

“It’s stupid.” says JFK.

“It’s brilliant.” says Lacey.

U Not Like Me plays next.

“What about 50?” asks Joe Jr. of JFK.

Jack almost man giggles.

“What’s funny?” Lacey asks Jack.

“It’s just… I don’t know.” Jack smiles, shrugs.

“Why are you almost cracking-up?” Lacey asks Jack.

Jack ignores her.

Heartless by Kanye West plays.

Jack lip syncs to the song. Vaguely dances, like he’s in a club.

Back to 50 Cent. P. I. M. P. plays.

Lem loses it and starts lip syncing. Does hand gestures. Bobs his head.

Jack looks suddenly stuffy. He crosses his legs and sits-up straighter. Looks upset.

“What’s bothering you, Hot Stuff?” Joe asks Jack.

“It’s the African American music these days. It’s not what I’m used to.” says JFK. “Come on, Joe!”

Criminal by Eminem plays.

“No. If you’re so heterosexual shake your ass to this music like a straight man. Convincingly.” says Judith Exner to Jack.

He stands-up at the moment Eminem sings the lyrics about the Oval Office and plane crashes. He…almost tap dances.

In Da Club plays.

“Try dancing to this one instead. You couldn’t quite dance to the other. It’ll just take some getting used to!” says Joe Jr..

Jack stands. He helplessly shakes his behind.

Lacey fumes.

“What’s wrong?! Mom.” Kick says bitingly to Lacey.

“That’s inappropriate, Jack.” Lacey says to Jack.

“It’s just a dance.” Jack says to Lacey.

Kick covers her mouth with her hands, giggles and then runs off.

“Jack why are you shaking yourself?” Lacey asks him.

Grinding All My Life by Nipsey Hussle plays.

“You’re ridiculous!” Jack says to Lacey.

“Jack what are you advertising?” Lacey asks him.

Jack looks at her. He looks secretly shocked.

“You’re crazy!” he says to Lacey.

“Do you use men or let them fuck you to feel pretty? Stop bullshitting me.” Lacey says.

He thinks. “I have fun.” he says.

“Do you think homosexuality is in Heaven or not?” Lacey asks him.

“I do know.” he says. He sighs.

“Well, if we’re going to play games…let’s play.” says Lacey. “Where’s Kick? This is her joke. Right?”

Kick is long gone. Thinking she’s won???

“Well, let’s say, because that’s popular opinion and it’s supposedly genuinely complicated, that homosexuality is allowed in Heaven. Why are you being such an immoral slut?” asks Lacey of Jack.

He closes his eyes.

“I’m sorry, mom.” he says.

“Well, just because it’s homosexuality doesn’t make it an excuse to be loose.” says Lacey. “If it’s allowed in Heaven you should find a nice man and settle down. Not waste yourself. Marriage is what we expect! And stability.”

“You know I’m just going to rebel!” he says.

“But when do you find life? Sex is sacred.” Lacey says to him.

Jack thinks.

“I know your dad is full of bullshit. I’m ten paces away from dropping him. …But not all men are that way.” Lacey gets into his face. “Your father is mentally off. I hope you aren’t like that too, sweetheart.”

The writer who resembles Lem glares at Jack.

Evelyn Waugh scoffs at Jack Kennedy.

“En scene!” says Lacey.

“So that’s what we’d all say if homosexuality is allowed in Heaven and Lacey married J. P. Kennedy.” says Evelyn Waugh.

“I still feel insulted!” says a living gay man to Lacey.

“Why?” asks Lacey.

“You’re homophobic!” the living gay man says to Lacey.

“Because I insist homosexuality is in Heaven. And you questioning it is fascist and evil.” he says to Lacey.

“That’s too much to ask of Christians. You’re a pseudo-intellectual?” says Lacey to the living gay man.

“You’re trying to keep me out of Heaven.” he says.

“No. God would be.” says Lacey. “But even for a Catholic sin is sin. You confess it… It doesn’t overcome your existence.”

“I don’t like your God!” he says self-righteously.

“So, you’re sure homosexuality isn’t allowed for two adult soulmates who actually are homosexuals in Heaven?” asks Lacey.

“No! You think that!” the living gay man says to Lacey.

“I’m not sure it’s that simple.” says Lacey. “Some things are. Pedophilia is always wrong and profoundly vile. But I’m not so sure homosexuality is.”

“No!!! You’re just…lying.” says the living gay man.

“No. I doubt it!” says a living man named Dick.

“Listen, it seems very unlikely to me that it’s allowed. But…your fervent insistence otherwise is compelling.” says Lacey. “Because your perspective matters.”

My perspective matters?!?” the living gay man says, violently scoffing at Lacey.

“What is it they do to you?!?” Evelyn Waugh asks the enraged living gay man.

“You know! In your day it was worse!” he says.

“Tell me more!” says Evelyn Waugh.

Blood In The Cut by K.Flay plays. Close-up on Jack…as he silently…thinks. Sitting. Crossed-legs. In a chair.

“This isn’t funny anymore.” Jack says.

“Jack isn’t demanding Lem?” asks the living gay man.

“No!!! Tell me more about what happened to you?!” Evelyn Waugh asks the living gay man.

“Not much? I had a hard time in elementary school with one teacher who didn’t like the way I talked. She told me I mispronounced words when really I think she just thought I sounded gay.” the living gay man.

Time Traveller plays.

“Vroom vroom! That’s about the sexual superiority of gay men!” says the living gay man with bursting pride. He lifts his fists in the air triumphantly.

Jack goes into a drug withdrawal. Feels his skin crawl.

“I’m Scotia you’re mashed potatoes!” yells the gay man at Lacey seriously. He laughs thinking it’s obvious he’s “won.”

A huge group of gay men dressed like Old Money arrive with hundreds of rainbow flags and drag queens and pedophiles with no kids in a boat…storming the beaches of Normandy in WWII. No guns. Just big boom boxes playing, Time Traveller by M. I. A. to reappropriate what they’ve decided is Lacey’s homophobia.

“Yeah, she’s a closeted pedophile.” says Mr. Blue about Lacey seriously, while he’s high on cocaine.

“No, I’m not.” says Lacey seriously. “I’m not a pedophile.”

The boat arrives on the beach. No one is there.

The homosexuals walk around the area looking for any sign of civilization. It appears there are no other humans anywhere.

“Where did they all go?” a gay man asks another gay man.

“The war ended a while ago.” says a straight man who fought in the war. He’s not famous.

“But it was World War II in the ocean.” says another gay man confused.

“Yes! And this is out of living time. So now it’s not.” explains the WWII vet to the group.

The pedophiles and about a dozen gay men try to assemble an Old Money picnic on the beach in the background. They scatter Mark Cross Grace bags, Birkins made of “exotic skin” and patent leather Launer Traviatas about to appear casual, lighthearted and hedonistic. Maybe a few Kelly bags and Louis Vuitton’s.

“It’s 500 B.C. but minus any humans except for all of you. God can be accessed via prayer.” says the vet. “He’ll appear in person in a second.”

“Why are we here?!??” the once living gay man says accusingly to the dead WWII vet.

“You can’t procreate. But you also don’t die. You age depending.” he explains with sudden Heavenly protection.

“So we’re stuck here for eternity? With just each other? No kids?” asks a gay man.

“You thought you were infallible! Where’s the problem?!?? We’re gone! The Breeders left!!! The Master is gone!” says the vet.

“We’re magic! All of us!” says a black male pedophile who wishes he could shoot himself in the head and die but he can’t. He’s already dead. He walks off into the French wilderness to talk to God because it’s better than being with “these people.”

A curtain is drawn. Because we aren’t there. But no, no children are there.

Time Traveller plays.

Michael is back in the car with Lacey. Lem in the backseat.

Blood is on the windshield. They’re literally sitting in Michael’s 1990’s BMW in the middle of William the Conqueror’s battle to ascendency. Safely.

“I’m sorry your mind is such that this comforts you. And makes you feel less insane.” Michael says to Lacey.

“They’re fighting so well!” says Lacey.

She smiles with glee as horses race by wildly. Rolls down her passenger seat window. Rests her head on the door. Closes her eyes. Almost falls asleep.

Lem sighs. He still can’t understand why Lacey slept with anyone but him…or he can’t get over it.

“No! No, I don’t want sex with Jack or Michael. Or you! I want sex…with my wife!!!!” Lem yells at the Illuminati.

“We had sex.” Lacey says hurt, to Lem.

“It was interrupted!” he says, grumpy.

“By who or what?” asks Lacey.

“By demons. And my pain. I don’t know if you noticed but you’re being made love to by Michael. Right now.” says Lem.

“Michael Rockefeller.” says Michael Kennedy in an enormous rage to the they-Illuminati.

“Why didn’t you just shoot me in the head?!? It would have been a Godsend!!!” Lem says to any Illuminati listening who refuse to understand why he’s angry. “I am so tired of listening to you all bitch and moan at Lacey about my supposed homosexuality!! …It’s so obvious she’s being made to write what she does. It’s not her ego, you FOOLS!!!!!”

“Could it be Jack?” an Englishman asks sincerely.

“Could what be what?!?” asks Lem.

“Are you being attacked by Jack?” asks an Englishman.

“If he’s here and we’re in Purgatory…you all can’t shut-up long enough to read anything. And then you blame Lacey for being confusing. And then try to take her spirit away from her body…because it’s an innocent spirit that also totally intimidates you all. You feel so insecure you keep shitting in your faces!!!” yells Lem. “And stop demonically attacking her writing by changing words and making it slow…and making my name Kem. It’s Lem. Not Ken plus Lem. I’m not your doll Wobbly! Stop imagining you own my dick!!!” Lem seethes. “And I’m not some aging parent in a retirement home being bullied. I died. Get a clue!” He shakes his head. “You didn’t actually know that part of me. You didn’t.” He closes his eyes. “I shouldn’t have taken you in for your own good. I-I was so confused. And…I tried. But I wasn’t fit to raise anyone in Jack’s family. That was a toxic expectation!” He collects himself. “I can’t…handle it!!!

“They can’t handle that a ghost is sleeping with a living woman.” says a Biden.

“Have you ever slept with your dead wife? In the Illuminati?” asks a reader of a Biden.

“It’s starting to get weird! It’s like a combination of the Old Testament and New Age/Sci Fi.” says a Biden.

“That’s not an answer!” says Summertime Sadness.

“You have or have not?” Lacey asks a Biden.

“I might have.” he admits.

“See…you know what I’m going to say next.” says Lacey.

“Let’s see…that it’s like if my wives were both dead.” he says. “For you!”

“Possibly, yes!” says Lacey.

“Yeah, that’s a mess!” he says.

Lacey nods. “And it’s also possibly a heads-up to you. On a personal note, so to speak.”

“And then in all that chaos she’s supposed to prove I’m not gay. Now.” says Lem. “Or no!? Not now?”

“Yeah, but Lem…the mistake was yours!” says a Biden.

“To a point!!” says Lem. “No, you’re right. That’s fair! Fair! But don’t forget my situation as experienced from my perspective.”

A bit later.

“Lem…I have no idea how to fix it. I’m sorry.” Lacey says.

Nutcracker, Ballet, Op. 71 by Tchaikovsky plays.

The problem is complex.

Lacey first had a crush on Joe Kennedy Sr. in her early teens. And then she thought that was too weird so she decided she should have a crush on Joe Kennedy Jr.. Joe Jr. was arguably better looking in her estimation back then… But Joe died fairly young. And JFK seemed more normal than his older brother to have a crush on. So she had a crush on JFK.

*sigh*

But then…she found Lem. And Lem seemed like otherworldly perfection. Possibly capable of being challenged by Joe Sr. but only possibly at most. In truth, Lem seemed too perfect to be a real human. The most perfect of all men she’d ever seen ever. And subconsciously it’s a position of supremacy that’s never been taken from him.

But…Lacey read Lem became gay. Yes. You read that right. This was in the late 1990’s. He never came out…was possibly asexual in some people’s estimation but…confused everyone about his sexual orientation, regardless. And…somehow the young man she unwittingly read spiritually as very heterosexual and definitely her type…had become gay???!? …So she suspended her intuition and gut sense and believed her supposed elders. It felt spiritually off to her to think he was gay…but it also deeply fascinated her and given the way he affected her it was actually riveting. …Of course, she tucked it safely away in the back of her mind with a great many other conundrums.

Years passed. And to make a long story short, her self-labeled obsession with the Kennedy’s wasn’t probably a real obsession. She assigned it that label in her teens. …Yet she’s since been labeled obsessive about a lot of other things. In truth, she’s never obsessive about anything. She’s always aware of details and cares seemingly more than most people do…but it’s never obsession. Being sensitive, and having an almost photographic memory…doesn’t made you obsessive. Also, she’s never been loved as anything other than a mother…and…yet her actual kids suffer as she’s tortured. She’s been in survival mode since she was born.

No, her mind was sent reeling when she discovered the existence of the Kennedy’s. Interest isn’t obsession. But this wasn’t mere interest. This was…awe.

Their existence drove her half insane. If she’s illegitimate it’s easily explained by the similarities between her actual father and that family. But of course, that’s still a mystery.

Because it hit her like a ton of bricks. And regardless, Joe Jr. fell in love. He seemingly genuinely empathized with Lacey.

And the emergence of the name Joe became a mystery. Of course, her first crush was on a little boy named Mike Burns. And she memorably got a little boy named Kirk in trouble in the fourth grade. Memorable because the teacher told Lacey off for telling on him. A little boy turned to Lacey and said, “I think he has problems at home with his father and the teacher knows that. Just lay off, Kirk!” It was…creepy. Lacey felt bizarrely misunderstood and personally attacked for telling on Kirk.

Of course she tried to have crushes on living Kennedy’s to be normal but that never really took off. She did try though.

Then…of course she secretly started getting the sense as she prayed to God for death at the age of 24 if she never fell in love and married…that she was being approached by ghosts.

She first noticed it one spring break when she read The Sun Also Rises. It was as if Hemingway and Harold Loeb got into a fight in her living-room. She empathized so much with Robert Cohn. Then Evelyn Waugh and her hit it off when she let herself drift off in her mind, as she read his novels. Was it real or imagined? She didn’t know.

And after she gave birth…coming very close to dying in the process with her child…she seemingly was approving F. Scott Fitzgerald. And his misery…which so resembled her own…comforted her to read about.

But that love that developed between Scott and Lacey ENRAGED Zelda and Joe Jr. to an extreme degree. So once Lacey had moved to Seattle Joe Jr. approached her in a similar way to how God approaches Lacey. To tell her that she was inferior to him…of course…but…that she was horribly in error to not be his concubine. Maybe. Maybe ugly-wife if she could impress him. Ugly-Wife? Yes. Because Kennedy’s cheat on principle. And…he wasn’t one to question traditional values as espoused by his beloved father and great leader, Joe Kennedy Sr.. So…all Kennedy wives, no matter how truly sexy or beautiful we’re always held up as the greatest measure of pure, unadulterated ugliness. Because Kennedy men pour bleach on their wives souls the minute the women spread their legs less than an inch. Leaving them blind.

But Lacey wasn’t ever official. It was all in her spirit. And she and Joe Jr. went too far before marriage. And…she both escaped and…maybe he let her escape too.

Then the Illuminati got involved. Should the Illuminati exist.

And the they couldn’t handle it. The they couldn’t handle anything they just read. And of course they’ve been doing their best with possible exceptions to kill or torture her ever since.

Because the Kennedy’s do matter to the they.

A ghost assisting the Illuminati to hurt Lacey gets tortured.

Moments later.

Lem is then tempted to kill Lacey to figure out why she slept with someone else. He resists on behalf of his kids and God.

…If Lacey had no living children and God permitted it…he’d kill her in the next sentence. Literally. But her born kids can’t die yet.

And no. No, the they as much as they listen secretly with surprising sincerity to conspiracy theories themselves…have no real clue Michael Rockefeller is. They don’t understand the Rockefeller’s. They don’t understand the Billings. They don’t understand Simon Johnson although they’ve possibly tried… Nor do they understand…a great many “deep” things on that level or in that way.

Explanation over.

“You know…the Kennedy’s are just a rich family that happens to be dysfunctional. You can just stop explaining now. I’m not all that interested in whatever happens between you and Michael or you and Lem.” says Summertime Sadness.

“Why do I agree?” asks Lord Thirsten Snotgrass.

“I don’t!!!” says The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“Most of the perfume community does. But I’m an exception.” say a few people in their own way in Europe.

“Because we are curious.” says a German Angela.

“Why?” asks Lacey.

“Actually, I’m slightly curious too.” says a Biden. Possibly as a Catholic.

“Why?!?” Lacey wonders.

“She really doesn’t know.” says Michael.

“Great! We don’t care, Michael!” Summertime Sadness says to Michael condescendingly.

“Hey, cool-kid…Summertime Whale Dude…you do realize you’re talking to a ghost?!?” a witch asks him.

“Okay, but I didn’t conjure him!” he responds in his spirit.

“They’re controlling our brains?” asks Lord Thirsten Snotgrass.

“If they exist? Possibly. It’s complex. …You rely on societal norms to draw conclusions quickly in your everyday life. And they control the norms and the ways those norms are subliminally communicated to you.” explains Lacey.

“We’re like horses!” Lord Thirsten Snotgrass says to Lacey.

“Yes…one little tweak here and there, especially over time, affects your mind so much more than you’re allowed to consciously realize.” says Lacey. “It’s not just in advertisements.”

“It sounds like a very elegant system.” says an Irishman.

“Yes. It is!” says Lacey.

“Are you opposed to it or not?” asks another Irishman.

“Honestly?” asks Lacey.

“Honestly!” the first one responds.

“I don’t care.” says Lacey. “I don’t care unless they use it for evil. Then you have to use it to wring their necks before reading them their last rites.”

The Irishman thinks. “Because?!?”

“It’s inevitable.” says Lacey. “It’s not a big deal. You just have to be careful to get it right. And you should be doing that already.” She thinks. “You have to develop your sense of self. Have a real moral compass like Christianity.”

Being Irish he wants to laugh. “You’re right our Catholicism and sense of self has kept us fighting for our freedom.” He thinks. “Historically.”

“So there’s awful stuff that happens in the Illuminati but…a lot of it is just so-called boring details.” thinks Lord Thirsten Snotgrass. “Sounds about right.”

“Oh, I have a feeling they’ve become increasingly dysfunctional.” says the Irishman.

“Are you insinuating the Kennedy’s were dysfunctional back in Ireland and we just gig worse in the US?” asks Kick.

“Yes!” says Lem.

—-

Red

Lacey might have mild dysphagia. It’s seemingly getting worse over time. And it’s related almost certainly to her fall down the stairs.

Did either of her parents who raised her help after that? No. No, her mother called once heard that Lacey was doing mildly better and then never called again. That’s all. Because ever since the Illuminati attacked Lacey through the Bat Crew…her mother who raised her has shown an increased lack of concern for her. She had always been weird but when the demons of the Illuminati attacked the mother who raised her got progressively more distant and seemingly repulsed by Lacey’s existence…

…Who threw her down the stairs?

“It happened after Lacey…who may be talking to real ghosts…left Joe Jr..” says me, I’m Lacey.

The music is a spiritual guide. A Nocturne by Chopin plays. …It’s played like a song from Heaven by Arthur Rubinstein. The Heaven of the Bible.

“Joe slept with Vanessa Trump.” says Lem. “And Vanessa did that because it was her ex who helped protect Lacey after Lacey was attacked.”

“Not thee Vanessa Trump of thee Trump family?!??” asks Louis.

“Oh no!!!” says Lacey. “Of course!!”

“No Vanny has a tendency towards real violence towards Lacey. But it could have also been Rose, Joe Sr. or Don Sr. conjuring a demon…or Joe Jr…Lacey doesn’t know.” says Lem. “YET!!!”

“It’s interesting who fell down the stairs afterward.” says Lacey. “And died right away.” She seethes. “But me…far younger…fighting for my life…that’s what they try to arrange with Satan. A slow progression towards feeding tubes?!??” She laughs. “You’re all going to wish you’d never been born.” She looks at Joe Jr.. “If your family did this to me…you are the worst thing to happen to America. Your family are the scum of our county that rose to the top and fooled us. You’re our parasite. You are the virus that destroys us. You are HIDEOUS!!!!”

“If Joe threw Lacey down the stairs the Kennedy’s will never live this down. Your name will become synonymous with every damn thing wrong with the US to ever exist.” says Michael Rockefeller to their entire family.

“Ivana died!” says Louis like it’s a shock.

“Who?!?” asks Lacey.

“Ivana Trump!” he says.

“Which Ivana? Because Joe Jr. slept with Vanessa Trump to get back at Lacey. Do you mean Ivana Trump or Ivana Trump?!” asks Lacey.

Ivana…Trump.” says Louis.

“Oh!! Her.” says Lacey.

“Rose molested us.” says Kick.

“Which Rose?” asks Lacey.

“It’s unclear, Lacey.” says Louis.

“It wasn’t me or anyone in my family.” says Lacey to Kick. “Do you mean Lem?”

“No it wasn’t you. I just hate you.” Kick says to Lacey.

Lacey expects God to sort that all out.

“I don’t want to have anything to do with you or your family!” Lacey says to all of them. “If any of you threw me down the stairs.”

“Yeah, she cares. Truly. But if one of you threw her brutally down the stairs to try to kill her out of nothing but being petty jackasses who psychopathically can’t lose…stop expecting her prayers to save you.” says Michael.

“THIS IS WAR!!!! YOU SAD FOOLS!!!” says Lacey. She shifts it.

Now it’s the end…of the lot of em’. Not the innocent the fools.

“I’ll split you in half to make you giggle before you die. As a warning.” says Lacey.

“So…if Vanny conjured a demon to throw you down the stairs because she’s upset…why? It’s irrelevant. It’s insane. On her part.” says a Liberal.

“Because she’s heroin addict who also may coercively molest her kids.” says Lacey. “She’s a gross, selfish monster…by choice.”

Shoop plays.

“Who’s Vanny?” asks Louis.

“An overweight, conceited cow of a woman.” says Lacey. “Who wears pants that make her butt look like she’s an aging man with an incontinence issue. Or an aging woman.”

“No, that’s the polyester style! It’s sexy to look like Gumby.” says Lem. “In normal pants.”

“And be a giant?” asks Lacey.

“It’s sexy!!!!” says Louis.

“She told Joe Jr. to kill me.” says Lacey. “Because she thinks the universe is just her vagina. If it was her…”

Vanny jumps up and down trying seduce Michael. He watches her.

Go To Town by Doja Cat plays.

“You’re…a woman!” Michael says politely to Vanny. “What in Hell makes you think you hold a candle to Lacey or anyone even related to her vaguely?” says Michael. “No, no you vile bitch! …Can I kill you?!”

“Isn’t her ass kinda nice? Or the thighs? Or maybe the shape?!?” asks Joe Jr. of Michael.

“Joe, she’s like a man. A girly, whorish gay man with tits and no dick.” says Michael Rockefeller. “The gross desperation and the sexually pushy long hair is obnoxious!!”

“Fuck you!!” yell a group of Millennial women who have long hair and think Lacey is the one writing all this.

“Not necessarily.” says Lacey. “Actually, I highly doubt it.”

“No, Vanny…I don’t think you understand…do I have to rip your head off someday and tear your brain apart to make you comprehend my insult?” asks Michael.

“No. You find her sexually repulsive.” says her ex.

“You know, I do. I’m sorry.” Michael says to her ex.

Butterfly by Crazy Town plays.

“That woman on the cover looks like a clown.” says Michael.

“Or a woman transitioning from manhood.” says Lem.

“That’s Joe K.’s type?” asks Lacey.

“They viciously attacked Lacey. Should they be responsible…” says Clarke Gable.

“Oh!! Look! Baby I look like the gross bitch on the cover! That’s proof I’m sexy!!! Marry me!” Lacey says in imitation of Vanny when she was working the streets like the legal prostitute she was. The gold-digging, stupid, demonic whore who uses her malignancy and human decency to get shit she barely cognitively understands.

Lacey listens to the demons and then throws their lies into Hell.

“So am I going to Hell?! Because I have a billion witches who guarantee I’m going to a happy place when I die where I’ll eat candy and poop butterflies.” Lacey mocks Vanny by imitating her.

“Then how did Lacey and Ivana Trump fall down the stairs?!?” asks God. “Where do demons come from if there’s not Hell?”

“There is no pain!! Or evil! It’s all hearts, butterflies and gummy worms!” says Lacey sarcastically.

She thinks. She considers the pedophilic monsters she’d like to kill if she’s dying. Stab to death with knives through their almost useless skulls. …If she’s dying what’s the bloody difference? But…murder is still murder. So perhaps she shouldn’t risk it.

“Joe why did you sleep with Vanessa Trump?” asks a sane person who agrees with Lacey…who reads this blog.

“Because she’s a BITCH!!!” Joe yells. Lacey can literally hear his voice in her head.

“Who Joe? Who’s the bitch?” asks Bette Davis.

String Quartet No. 3 by Philip Glass plays.

Lacey thinks of how Bette Davis and Michael brought up her brain the other night. Bette gives Lacey permission to cry. That was before Lacey knew what could be happening. The fact that Bette’s ghost and Michael’s ghost discussed it…so adamantly and so pointedly…before Lacey had a clue how serious it is from a standpoint of her brain…is bizarre if they’re not something supernatural.

Lacey, Michael and Lem sit back in Michael’s 1990’s BMW while Young by Vacations plays. Because they all hate pedophilia. And the battle is continuing into the night.

“I had a similar head and neck injury.” says a man from the 1000’s to Lacey. He was a warrior. “I lived another ten years. And I couldn’t eat. Easily. But I forced myself to slowly. And it wasn’t from old age.”

“How long do you think I could I live?” asks Lacey.

He thinks. Nods his head to think more. “Elliott Roosevelt thinks you could die in your 80’s. …If you don’t get better? 20 years?”

MATA LIFE by M.I.A. plays.

Lem looks at her. “I’ll kill you before they hook you up to feeding tubes or an IV.” he says to Lacey.

“No, they’re desperate to kill you.” says Louis. “Because they’re committing organized suicide.”

“Jim Jones!! Controls Mr. Blue and his wife!!!” yells a demon.

“You got a dead cult leader to channel through Mr. Blue?!?” asks Summertime Sadness laughing.

“He’s a homicidal maniac.” says Jim Jones about Mr. Blue.

“So…what happens when Lacey dies early if she does?” asks a Gen X woman.

“Our family is permanently destroyed. I meant Lacey. I was a horrible narcissist.” says Joe Jr.. “She’s literally destroyed the whole family in the eyes of history you just can’t see it yet. If I threw her down the stairs.”

Zelda and Lacey find that too funny. Not to laugh.

“All those years…turned into nothing but a joke. At your expense. If you threw her down the stairs.” says Tom Banks to the Kennedy’s.

“That’s not enough!” says Lacey to everyone listening. “You are being told. Not warned. Told.”

“Yeah…so pray she’s fine!” pleads Elliott to them on their own behalf.

“If Wobbly killed Lem and tried to kill you he’s a sociopath.” says a Gen X actress.

“Like if he conjured his connections?” asks Lacey.

“His consciousness!” corrects a female nihilistic atheist who hates herself.

“But she didn’t know me!!” Louis Hill Jr. yells.

“Why are you so vivid?!?” the woman asks Louis.

“The Kennedy’s attack Lacey when they feel annoyed by how crappy they feel by comparison to her objectively. They’re weak, petty little hoes.” says a dead female Rockefeller. “Depending…right?”

“I’m buried here.” says Louis. “He shrugs.”

“Okay! But how does that work?!” she asks.

He thinks. “It’s territorial?”

A bit later.

“I’m not hateful, but I’m a Christian.” says Louis Hill Jr..

“I think all Christians need to be more careful not to rip each other apart.” warns Lacey.

“Louis died of similar complications.” a hater says to Lacey.

“I need blood!” yelled Jack if he ordered Lacey’s murder out of jealousy for her sleeping with Lem…and seemingly making Lem realize Lem might never have loved him. Maybe was never gay.

“Jack…that’s delusional. Why would you still think Lem was gay?” asks a reader.

“I did.” he says. “I see Lem!”

“That’s a demon.” says Lacey to Jack.

“He knows. He’s in Hell or stuck.” says Kick. “He doesn’t want to accept reality.”

“The Illuminati killed me if I die early.” says Lacey. “They conjured either demons or ghosts to kill me. But hilariously it’ll only totally destroy them. Should they exist. And it might be the end of the world. We’ll see. …Truly.”

“Funny how Queen Elizabeth II fell and started using a cane after you fell.” says an Englishman who just died to Lacey.

“You don’t think when you die you’ll be incompetent or too happy to bring justice?” asks a hater.

“No!! She’s extraordinarily dangerous to kill. I’m warning you.” says Lem Billings seriously.

“You don’t understand.” says Lacey. “It’s old. Christian. And beautiful! The concept I’m operating on.”

“You’d do what?” asks a hater.

“I’d rewire the Earth.” says Lacey. “From the other side. And make everyone’s heart stop. It might trigger a rapture? Or…we’ll see.”

“Like messing with the electrical wiring of the universe?” asks Michael.

“If the aliens are on board.” says Lacey. “Should there be aliens.”

“To bring us all before God painlessly in the blink of an eye?” asks a man who calls himself white trash.

“Yes! Exactly!!!” says Lacey.

“It might take time. But if I meet God too soon I’ll be begging for the end of the world.” says Lacey. “It’s become too difficult for a Christian to live.” Lacey thinks. “I will be in His face constantly! Should He not destroy me.”

Lacey hears kids upset.

“I won’t advocate for anything harmful. I’m just tired of seeing you suffer.” says Lacey.

“What if you die five minutes too soon?” asks Joe Sr. of Lacey.

“Same difference.” says Lacey. “Actually…I’ll be advocating for the end of the world regardless. And it’ll just get more difficult to ignore me, or something.”

“No. Maybe it’s the same alive it just will make it worse if you die.” says Bette. “He hears you now too.”

Love Lockdown by Kayne plays.

“Sounds like Joe’s mind. In verse.” says Lacey jokingly. “He had to get away from me by sleeping with Vanny.”

“Yeah. You’re…Lem’s flesh. Or a Rockefeller. So he had kill you to rid himself of you. So his family could be free.” says Pat Wilson. “Free to be nihilistic. And mentally-ill.” She laughs. “And marginally important into the future.” She dances. “I love him! …But…I knew him. I just…never loved someone like I loved him. He was so handsome. …And I fell hard. It was like we could open up with each other and truly trust for the first time. Ever.”

“I know. That’s the love I thought I’d have.” says Lacey. “He told me that. Frequently.”

Get Into It by Doja Cat plays.

Joe gets enraged at Lacey for sharing that about him.

“Joe, it’s ridiculous! The world for ages has exposed itself to the fervent belief that beauty matters. …I don’t hate Vanny. But objectively she is unfortunately inferior. …And it was…logically offensive for you to sleep with her when and how you did.” says Lacey.

Louis understands.

“Partially because I’m so-called dead?” he asks Lacey.

“Yes! Very much!” says Lacey.

“You…slept…with…Lem!” he says.

“That was after you betrayed me. Wasn’t it?” asks Lacey. “It’s not as if you ever were in some intimate, safe, trusting relationship with me and I cheated first.”

“No. I never gave you the impression I’d be faithful for certain.” he admits. “I hinted at it. But never did fully commit to it.”

“It was bizarrely always in my mind that someone like you might love me. But only as a dream.” says Lacey. “More literally than figuratively a dream.”

“And I had it as an actuality. And yet I can’t and couldn’t stand you when I died and discovered you existed.” admits Pat Wilson to Lacey.

“Why?” asks Lacey.

“Because you narcissistically wounded me.” says Pat Wilson.

“Pat, you’re dead!!! Is there God or not?” asks Lacey.

“Yes!!!” she says seething.

“Then why do you care?!” asks Lacey.

Pat thinks. “You’re right.” she says almost smiling. She almost cries too. “I just wanted to be his top choice.”

“Based on what he told me…and how much he lied to me…and if he threw me down the stairs…I kind of think you were?” wonders Lacey.

She looks grim. Lacey might be right.

“Well maybe.” says Pat.

“Why did you let him sleep with Vanny?!?” wonders Lacey, aghast.

Pat laughs, sadly. “He barely did, if he did.”

“Barely?!” asks Lacey.

She thinks. “You know how it is. When men you love sleep around.”

“Yes.” says Lacey.

“But…he didn’t.” she says.

“What’s the difference?” asks Lacey.

“It’s the level of passion.” she says.

“It sounded passionate from what I heard.” says Lacey.

Pat crosses her hands behind herself, leans against the wall and then nods her head thoughtfully.

“Yeah, I guess they were temporarily in love.” she says.

Lacey thinks. “What’s the difference do you suppose?”

“It was based on Joe’s vain sense that all is well. Even when it’s clearly not.” she says. She laughs. “He…let’s himself get all mushy over women whenever, wherever, whatever. Or did. …And he’s of the impression that his feelings always work. That he shouldn’t question them but just dive in and indulge. …Not that one should question one’s feelings in an unhealthy manner but rather he takes them too far. …So, Vanny made sense for three hours one Saturday morning in early spring of 2021 about…and he just didn’t question it.” she says. “He went crazy.” She laughs. Then looks sad.

“Hmm. No, it’s not about holding back too much for the better, either. It’s about not seeing the big picture for the worse?” asks Lacey.

She laughs and nods.

“He misses the mark. It’s like he gets distracted.” she says.

“And how is it meaningfully different with you?” Lacey asks.

“I love him. …And he…loves me.” she says. She smiles. “I cheat too, on occasion. It’s like what you’d call an open relationship.” She laughs and smiles. “But…it’s not. We sold out to each other, I guess. …Even if we stray. We just…mean so much to each other…more than I think he realized?” she says to Lacey slowly.

“You need to be faithful to each other and honest.” says Lacey.

“You’re right.” she says.

“I got horribly hurt by his idiocy.” says Lacey. “He either meant to hurt me or it was a foolish accident.”

“Mmmm. He should have known it was me all along that he loved. And waited! Not pursued you with no regard for the future.” she says. “It was almost as if he thought I would never die?”

“Yes!” says Lacey. “Why?!”

“I knew…I thought Lacey was prettier.” Joe Jr. admits.

“Huh. So you thought Lacey was better?” asks Scott. “It wasn’t love?”

“Yes. I thought Lacey was far more beautiful and intelligent and interesting and elegant.” he says. “I loved her. But…I never let my guard down completely. And…in my case that’s a very bad sign.” He thinks. “I wanted happiness.”

“But you did love me? Just not as much as Pat?” Lacey asks very sincerely.

“Yes.” he says.

Lem almost faints.

“Wow! Your love for Pat must be astounding!” says Lacey.

He looks profoundly upset.

“I’m sorry. I cheated with Katharine first, if I cheated.” says Joe.

“Well…why throw me down the stairs then?” she asks him.

“WHY?!?” demands Louis.

“I knew you’d fall. I just didn’t care.” he says. “I didn’t prevent it.”

“So you saw it coming and let it happen?” asks Lem.

“Yeah!” Jr says to Lem coldly but with fake confidence and ease.

Lem closes his eyes. Laughs. Nods.

“Alright!” Lem says.

“I’m not sorry, Lem!!” says Joe.

Lem smiles, nods.

“I’m not!” Joe says.

“No, you didn’t love her at all. Her whole life has been a lie.” Lem says.

“You’re a real ass!” Joe says to Lem.

“She’s-You gave her the impression that her beauty could affect men. And that’s true! …But she has no idea how beautiful she is. And she’s clinging to her life, as we speak.” Lem says. “It’s not that desperate, but she’s not well. Don’t you find that repulsive?!?”

“What are you suggesting?!?” asks Joe.

“You couldn’t have told her what she looked like?!” asks Lem.

“That’s not true Lem, she knows she’s beautiful.” says Joe.

“I’m exhausted. Lem, do you care?!?” Lacey asks.

“Yes!!!” he yells. “I do. I just can’t believe-“. He looks her in the eye and says, “I can’t believe he really didn’t love you. That’s possibly not what I expected. I’ve been a complete asshole to you in many ways from start to present. I’m sorry!” He shakes his head. “I-unless God says otherwise let’s go home and go to sleep.”

“Mmm. Why?” asks Lacey.

“I love you. And I’ve been a fool.” he says. “Let’s get outta here. Huh?”

“We’ll I’m with whoever God suggests. But if it’s you then sound fine, I guess?” says Lacey.

“It’s us.” he says.

She looks hurt.

“You’re too good for them. I shouldn’t have let them take my home away from me while I volunteered to sleep in the dog house for eternity.” says Lem. “Let’s go home.”

More tomorrow.