Category Archives: Journal

Lacey is confused.

“Why did you not understand that the money is to go to war with China?” Lacey asks Louis. “Or did you understand that?”

Ella Fitzgerald sings.

Louis smiles coyly. And that’s all he’ll “say” for now.

“Also, I don’t think I understand how we always can’t resist each other.” Lacey says to Lem.

“Because I was supposedly gay?” asks Lem.

“Yes.” says Lacey.

Louis has something to say.

“Listen, it’s China.” he says. He looks at her. “Go on! Say it! This is a free country. Right?!”

“We are weak.” says Lacey.

“I know.” he says.

“And I don’t want to hear potential bullshit about how no one cares. I doubt that.” says Lacey. “They’ve just had idiotic business practices. For decades. And decades. Right?!”

“I might agree.” says a black American singer.

Flashing Lights plays.

Joe Jr. sighs.

“Would you have allowed the steel industry to die?” Lacey asks him.

A man in China smiles kindly at Lacey.

“So you think any advantage we have over you, is due to your issues with steel?” a Chinese woman asks Lacey.

“I think it might all steam back to that.” says Lacey. “Or is that…wrong?”

The Chinese woman thinks.

“I think it’s possible!” says a man in Saudi Arabia. “If they do have any real advantage…that does seem possible.”

“We have problems too!” says the Chinese woman to Lacey.

“Wait! China and Russia are on the same team. Right?” asks a Gen Z blog reader.

“They might be.” says the man in Saudi Arabia.

“And…wow. That makes China really complex.” says an American Millennial blog reader. “Like…if the countries were characters in a novel.”

“America is the most complex.” says Lutin.

“So…where would our soul and backbone be if you had been a US President?” Lacey asks Joe.

Louis smiles.

Chasing Pavements by Adele plays.

Then Dreams by Fleetwood Mac plays.

“We’d be a far different country.” says Joe Jr.. “Sorry.”

“Would you have let Lacey marry Lem?” a man in his literal cabin, slightly awaiting the end of the world as we know it, asks. He hears Dreams in his head.

“We thought Joe was…concerning. Years ago.” says Japan just to have that on record. “Just as a side-note.”

“I am.” he says to Japan.

“Why?” they ask him.

“Because of the Imperial nature of my US Presidency.” he responds.

“Nah! This gold-digging bitch be a dog face!” says Mr. Blue self-deprecatingly about his impression of Lacey and what he shared. Back in 2016. It Was A Good Day by Ice Cube plays as his theme song. Whether serious or not…

“You kept trying to ‘break’ Lacey. For almost a year. How did that work out?” Joe asks Mr. Blue.

“Umm. So… Joe would you have?” asks The Charismatic.

“Yes.” says Joe. “I would have allowed that. But I did love her.”

“Should that be did or do?” asks Lem.

“Do. But we’ll see.” says Joe hopefully.

Radio by Lana Del Rey plays.

Pat Wilson weeps. Shakes.

“It’s awful!” she says.

“You know, not to be a prick. But…maybe that’s why when you deal with the actual dead you should be more careful.” says The Charismatic to the Illuminati.

The English agree with The Charismatic.

“Whether it’s symbolic or not…reincarnation is useful in our understanding if God says so to Lacey. …She thought she might be Pat reincarnated. That was concerning too.” says Japan.

“So Louis…why?” asks the perfume community who don’t think Lacey is lazy, laughable or a schizophrenic.

Stan by Eminem plays to harass Lacey. But it’s actually been arranged by Michael Rockefeller. Michael likes the music of Eminem.

“You set her up to look truly crazy to herself. Harassed her endlessly. Tried to kill her. Still do. …All on the premise that the Illuminati doesn’t exist. And why? Because you’re junk rich?” asks Michael. “Junk…rich.” He seethes. “You’re peasants.”

“Arrogant peasants.” corrects Joe Jr..

“You have to give them that. They are at least arrogant.” says JFK.

“Not all of us?” says The Charismatic.

“You’re in the Illuminati?” Michael asks him. “And a cheap-ass plastic billionaire?”

“Michael…do you mean that all billionaires are made of plastic? Or do you mean they’re in plastic? Or what?” asks a man from Norfolk Southern.

“Let me help!” say a group of possibly real Liberals in Hollywood. “Listen.” Can’t Tell Me Nothing plays.

A group international haters in the perfume community can’t stop cracking-up. “You guys, you guys…Lacey is a train.” they giggle. “Okay not just a train the whole train…thing.”

“I meant that you’re plastic rich. You’re owned by me. And my dead family.” says Michael. “All of you. Past a certain point of wealth. We own you.”

“You did the right thing Pat.” say the English. “She needed to be held safely.”

Criminal by Eminem plays.

“Sin is evil. Let’s start there.” says Tommy Banks. “And no, that’s not my music.”

“No offense taken!” says an American singer.

“You derailed her. And what was she carrying?” asks the perfume community of the Illuminati. “What was she carrying?” They think. “Who’s responsible?”

“The Queen couldn’t live forever. And-“ Michael says, crying. “Whether I was ever English or not. I don’t want to include them either.”

“I doubt we did it either.” says Russia.

“Hi. I’m Desmond Guinness. We side with the English on this matter. Thank you.” he says on behalf of all of Ireland.

“I think we’d like to be the Christian Church. Open to all. Not immune to rage when a Christian is being ruthlessly abused by a group of demonically possessed fools possibly going to eternal Hell.” says the Catholic Church. “We do still believe in eternal Hell.”

“We love each other. If I’m a ghost. Forever.” says Lem to Lacey.

“I’m not happy about how this has turned out. But…it’s kind of cool. In a way.” says a Millennial hippie in California about all of it. “It’s…well…fascinating, I guess. I’ll pray to God tonight though. Just in case I die.”

“Being blown-up isn’t the worst way to die. That’s the good news.” says Joe Jr..

“That’s what I keep thinking too. Thanks for that though.” she says.

“I was blown-up.” he says yawning.

She looks at him in her spirit.

“Oh! Wow. What’s it like?!?” she says. She takes deep breaths to calm herself.

“You don’t feel it. It’s just snap.” He snaps his fingers. “And it’s over. If it lands on you directly, of course.”

“And then you…are…dead.” she says.

“Yes! That’s why you need to pray to God. Right? It’s about living, as they say.” he says. “But it’s also about death.” he says. “You will die.”

She thinks. Sobered.

“Hey, maybe it’ll all work out still. Right? But if it doesn’t…square it all away with Christ. In your own mind and heart. You exist. They can’t own you against your will.” says Michael Rockefeller to the hippie.

“God the Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.” says Joe Jr. to the hippie. “That’s God.”

“Thank you!” she says before pulling away peacefully.

Why did God allow that? If He did.

…

“Michael…we should pray too.” say the men from Norfolk Southern with help from Fox.

“Yes!” he says.

“Lacey I can see why you find that part of the train derailment in Ohio fascinating. When it lit on fire. For miles.” says a perfume hater.

“Funny that it was close to Lem’s grave.” says a black perfume hater.

“Wasn’t there an explosion there recently?” asks a reader of the blog.

“East Palestine.” says another perfume hater.

“East…Palestine.” says yet another perfume hater.

“Didn’t they ask Jack what year it was recently?!” asks another perfume hater. “And he said 1968.”

“Yup. Witchcraft is dangerous.” says a Catholic.

“So…what? Bobby Sr. was the last drop of Lacey in the family?” asks a perfume hater.

Michael smiles.

“And it sent Lem to his certain death.” says the same person. A perfume collector who hates Lacey, possibly. “Not right away. Of course. But a little ways down the road.”

“How was Bobby Sr. the last trace of Lacey?” asks a black male perfume hater.

“She was connected to Joe Jr. and I bet he was close to Bobby and they were more alike than Joe and Jack.” He thinks. “And…beyond that…are Lacey and Ethel distantly related? Somehow?!” He thinks more. “The rest is mysterious. I’m positive she’s a she and always has been. But…there’s something about Bobby’s vibe that reminds me of Lacey. And…trains? Louis? Her father? The mob? 1968? …Bobby might not be Lacey. And Lacey isn’t Bobby. And that’s not a compliment to either of them, necessarily.” He laughs. “They’re two very different people. But…how is her vibe like his?! It’s almost like they know the same things.” He looks creeped out. “About the same things. I’m not suggesting reincarnation. But…they have similar concerns.” He thinks. “Maybe different ways of seeing things. But similar concerns.”

An Irishman in Ireland feels it. “The Irish. Desmond Guinness. Bootleggers? Possibly. Tammany Hall. Just think about it. …Or what? But whatever it is…stop playing with fire.”

“I like normal rain, please.” says another Irishman. “Don’t set fire to my rain.”

“Like the fire between Lacey and Lem? Only three other men dead have any chance of questioning that one.” says the first Irishman.

“Huh. The chemistry between a dead person and a living one. As possibly sanctioned by God?” says the second Irishman, a Catholic. “Sounds like a toxic thing to mess with.”

“So…if it’s spiritual poetry…and it’s either God’s secret recipe…or a curse…then what? They planned it? Or no? And which is better?” asks a Lana. “If I’m real…who am I? And why does it matter? …And then…why? Because? Mr. Blue is Mr. Blue. And we can’t completely control him. Or those who he’s indebted to. Was it planned to happen to end this whole thing somehow? Or was it planned to make it harder long-term for Lacey and her so-called entities and allies to ‘bother’ pedophilic monsters? …Or if it was just a so-called random accident…who or what arranged it?!”

“If it was random…it’s proof…” says Louis to the perfume collectors. “Proof that God isn’t safe to threaten seriously.” He thinks. “Why? Because we are all interconnected. And the pain caused today, and in the yesterdays and in the tomorrows matters an unfathomable amount to God.”

“Really?!” says a young hater sarcastically.

“It sounds corny. But why would I need to say it?” Louis asks.

“Then why can’t you fix it?” asks the young hater of Louis.

“I’m trying to be as helpful as I can be.” Louis says.

“No, I get it. Or do I? If you were alive would it even change things?” he asks.

“Yes. But I completed my life. As did my peers. I was 92. And I died in the 1990’s. These are very different people.” He thinks. “We made mistakes but we weren’t as likely to make this sort of mistake.” He thinks more. “As just a lone voice of dissent, even with my money and connections…it’d be a lot more difficult to truly fix things.” He breaths. “It’s difficult to get a word in edgewise nowadays.” He thinks more. “Not that I wouldn’t or couldn’t have. But…Bernie Madoff made his money for a reason.” He thinks. “I need to pray for you and I’ll try to answer better later.”

Later.

“I’m not God. But I would have been ready to secede from the US at this point. I might not have. But I’m that angry.” says Louis to the young hater. “Does that explain the trouble?”

Lacey decides she’s going to go to the cemetery to visit Lem in ten years. If they’re still together and in love.

She just discovered Louis Bayard’s novel. And it’s funny. Lacey had a sense Lem found Jackie attractive. It’s actually one way she found possible proof that he wasn’t gay. …Lacey tends to research. …And research.

Freak by Sub Urban plays.

Images of Lacey wandering around the cemetery searching for something for hours appear.

Then Beware The Boys by Panjabi MC plays.

“So, you think Lem was attracted to Jackie?” asks Raquel. For whatever reason she is very easy to talk to.

“Yes. Not necessarily madly in love with her. But…I think he was hurt she didn’t reciprocate more.” says Lacey. “That’s what he seemed like around her. I also think he was hurt Jack kept sleeping around so much.” She thinks. “I think he likely really advocated for her to Jack.”

“You know, you’re probably right.” says Raquel.

“I’ll pray that God blesses you if that’s appropriate.” Lacey says to Raquel. She nods and smiles.

“Were you in love with Jackie?” Lacey asks Lem.

“No.” he says. “But I did possibly find her attractive and I was…hurt she saw me as such a nobody.” He thinks. “It was more, ‘Why doesn’t she notice me?’” He thinks more. “I was looking for something with a woman. But it was a passing thing always because I thought it was likely wrong given what I thought was wrong with me.”

“And when they rejected you it just reinforced the belief that you were different?” asks Lacey.

“Yes. Very much gay.” he says.

Blue Jeans by Lana Del Rey plays.

“Would you have even worried about whether or not she found you attractive if I’d been there?” asks Lacey.

“No.” he says.

“What the hell would Joe Sr. and Joe Jr. have done?” asks a man. “They would surely have noticed that you two were attracted to each other?” He thinks. “Or would they?!”

Joe Jr. laughs.

Then Joe Sr. laughs.

“Would Jack have noticed?!” the man asks.

“The only person who might have noticed is Ethel.” says Jackie.

“Why Ethel?” he asks.

“Something tells me she would have gotten closer to Lacey.” says Jackie. “And somehow she’d have either accidentally caught them or Lacey would have accidentally asked her something weird.”

“Those two would have been close?” he asks.

Forever Is A Charm plays.

“Yes!” says Jackie.

“So…it’s bad that Lacey wasn’t born far earlier. If this is true.” he says.

“Yes! It’s horrific.” says Jackie. “But God still works it all out for the best, if you let Him.”

“That’s a very Godly thing to say Jackie.” he says skeptically.

“But I mean it. You’ll see. If you die worshiping Jesus.” she says. “It’s not corny on the other side.”

He looks disturbed. Thoughtful.

“Why wouldn’t Joe have known?” asks a reader.

“He would have eventually when Lacey got pregnant.” says Joe Sr..

“So…she would have taken Lem? Actually, just start from 1922.” He says. “Please.”

Joe Sr. takes a deep breath.

Gilded Lily (Sped Up) plays.

“First of all, someone needs to try to write a novel from my perspective.” he says. “I dare you.”

The song plays.

“A good novel.” he says.

The song goes on.

“The 20’s were good years for me.” He smiles. “The 1930’s…well, by the 1930’s I was in love with money. It treated me better than any mistress. It was my protector. My friend.”

In Limbo plays.

“It ruined me, but at the same time not really. …See…I was actually a very lonely man. And money…was actually a real friend.” He laughs. “I’m no writer. But you might actually get the idea.”

In Limbo goes on.

“I know Lacey would have met us. Somewhere. …Eventually.” he says.

Shift (Alternate Version) by Grizzly Bear plays.

“Maybe in Hollywood. At a party. Not at her aunt’s store.” he laughs at the idea. “And once proper introductions had taken place I would have stepped aside and let my son be happy. …Of course.” He thinks. “Of course, it would have almost killed me to see him cheat on her. …I would have thought my son a little spoiled. And ungrateful.”

“But then Lem would have gotten involved.” says Joe Jr.. “Just as I was securing a marriage with Lacey.”

“And neither of us would have been any match for what they have.” says Joe Sr..

“They’d have tried to be good and loyal. Even as they fell deeply in love. Forever. But…they would both have become so happy.” says Joe Sr.. “Not fake smile happy. Not, let’s photograph your ass while you flinch in an awkward position happy.” He looks appalled. “Actually happy.”

“And for Lem that would have meant we’d seen less of him.” says Joe Jr.. “He’d have tried to find some woman or something to do. He’d have been inspired by Lacey into thinking he could do things too.”

Mourning Sounds plays.

“But Lacey would have missed Lemmers.” Joe Jr. says with an ironic laugh. “And Jack would have been heartbroken by his departure anyway.”

“So…just as Lacey and Joe were about to settle down post marriage or get married…Lem would have reappeared.” says Joe Sr.. “And I’m sure she would have meant well. But…given Joe Jr.’s tendency to cheat…”. He shrugs.

“The affair would have lasted a month or two at most before they’d have run off together. Permanently.” says Joe Jr.. “And of course, I’d have bitterly remarried.” He giggles. “People would have said sympathetically that my first wife deserted me.”

“But you don’t die?!” asks a hater.

“No. I have fallen in love with her.” he says. “And she’d have insisted I not die.”

Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls plays.

“I wasn’t a demon. But…I lied.” says Joe Jr..

“So…she’d have loved you. Passionately. …But you’d have cheated?” asks a hater.

“She’d have made all the right exceptions. …Except for the only exception that can never be made.” he says. “And without a clear sense of my love…she’d have just drifted off.”

“Why wouldn’t she have known?” asks a hater.

“Because I rarely would have told her. If ever. And…Pat. Others. Lots of them.” he says. “I would have implied that I loved her. But…”. He thinks. “No one who entered would have been able to dissuade her but Pat. And the others like her. …She wouldn’t have expected me to be faithful.”

American by Lana Del Rey plays.

“But…Pat wanted me completely.” he says.

Lux Aeterna by Clint Mansell plays.

“Not that Lacey didn’t want all of me.” says Joe Jr.. “But Pat demanded it. Lacey…requested”. He thinks. “And if it hadn’t have been Pat…it would have been some other woman.”

The song roars.

“And of course Lacey requested over and over and over again. …But I kept putting it off. …Maybe I wanted to save it and savor it later. Or maybe I just assumed she’d always be there. …If you knew her heart the way I do, you’d understand.”

Cornfield Chase plays.

“But it wouldn’t have worked.” says Joe Sr. dryly. “Jackie was beautiful. People always talk about how I admired her beauty. …But Lacey could have married me. And by married I mean as a second wife. And no, it’s likely impossible for it to work after a certain point. But…she was perfect.”

“Would you have sensed your father’s resentment?” asks someone of Joe Jr..

“No.” says Joe Jr.. “And after returning home from WWII…I’d have married her. Or tried to.” He thinks. “Of course…that’s where Lem would have decided it was time to pull out all of the stops.” He laughs. “Or he wouldn’t have ever left. And they’d have fallen in love. And…she’d have waited…or would she?” he wonders.

Chasing Pavements by Adele plays.

“She would have demanded I return. Either way.” he says. “Or did I kill myself over lost love?” He looks quizzical. “Could a man I killed…have seen through me?” He thinks. “Some of those pilots I killed were likely brilliant, very brave men. And very passionate too.”

“So he looked forward, found Lacey and used the moment to make you commit suicide?” asks a hater. “Or worse?!”

“You’ll find out in Heaven. But let’s say he did alter history. How? …Did I consult a witch?” He thinks. “And let’s say Lacey is his victim too in a way? Then what? How much more hope would she have had of I’d been President? …Would Lem have married even?” He thinks. “Maybe Jack would have lived such that he wouldn’t have been so used and smothered?”

“No. She wouldn’t have waited. But we’d have worked it out. To protect you.” says Lem. “But…I don’t know. Maybe even if Lacey wasn’t there I’d have been more likely to marry someone else even if Jack was more liberated, so to speak. I don’t know. It’s a nice thought though.”

Joe Jr. smiles. “And who would that woman be?!”

“Someone who I would have loved. But…Lacey is just…my rib.” he says. “And I wouldn’t have made the same mistakes, ironically. I kept thinking she was repulsed by the idea of me being with a man. But it’s not that.” He thinks. “If I was married I’d have anticipated her pain in not knowing and-“ he can’t continue. “Of course it would help that she’s been married.”

“You would have stolen her from me?” asks Joe Jr..

“Yes. But not spitefully.” he says.

“Was Lem actually poor?!” asks a hater.

“They were old-money. And rich. Until the Great Depression. And even after that they were well-off to wealthy. At least. But…they were likely living with little to hold them together financially beyond his father’s money from being a doctor. So…when his father died they were left with few liquid assets.” She thinks. “At least that’s the sense I’ve gotten. …And this characterization of him as a sympathetic poverty case is not…entirely fair?” She thinks. “Not that he doesn’t deserve sympathy. But…he wasn’t raised dirt poor either. Like…it’d be wrong to give him that sympathy.”

“I’m sorry.” Lem says to Lacey.

—-