“ Caroline I like to go through all these things just for public records I’m in a real quiet way on this blog that you thought were your father’s homosexuality.” says the CIA.
“ I she doesn’t believe that that’s actually what happened entirely does she?” says the dead bisexual from Cub Foods to God about what he claims.
“ when she shares the stuff if there’s no illuminati, they instantly doubt her out of narcissistic self pity and hatred and arrogance and then she never gets a chance to process it because she’s so empathetic she has terrible air hunger right now and a migraine headache, because they literally are failing to really almost even master adulthood at this moment.” says God.
“ that’s what happen though Lacey I was attracted to you!” he says to Lacey.
“ she’s feeling lightheaded because she has air hunger and she’s struggling. Will have to come back later.” says God.
“ time she has been given your hunger through demons of anxiety because my family is really hurt.” says Caroline. Bobby nods. “ we can’t believe Jack doesn’t exist and so we conjure him and when we do that she seems to get air hunger and she always says it’s because it’s like someone else’s anxiety is trying to possess her body and then I just keep thinking she must be my dad, reincarnated and in denial about it. And so we just keep trying harder to make her feel like she’s my dad and so we’ve used a lot of psychics. We’ve used a lot of people over the last couple of years to try to help her have an awakening because we thought she was homosexual, and we thought she was a head of stuffy and backward And fake and pretentious him and then we just were thinking maybe she was like my dad reincarnated because she’s so loving to us. We can sense her love times that it’s sincere but then it’s like I’m sorry Dad I can’t talk to you right now because you think you’re a woman who’s prettier than me and that hurts my feelings Dad that hurts my feelings.” says Caroline.
“ Caroline that’s just what she is.” says the CIA. “ she’s not your dad reincarnated.”
Caroline has to be restrained from conjuring demons to try to make Lacey “understand.”
“ Caroline could you could you tell us? Um could you tell us more about what it is that you assumed was homosexual?” says Ireland.
“ well, just what Lacey is brought up the fact that you know it’s like lame is so big and barf and strong and my dad was kind of the skinny scrawny guy who is tall, but very scrawny. I just assumed that that wasn’t weird for such a scrawny man to be with such a big buff man I I just thought that was homosexuality.” says Caroline.
“ was your dad actually kind of homely but we romanticized his flaws?” says Ireland.
“ yes he was he was he had a flat butt that people think was hot but it was really just flat. I am on truth serum what a tranquilizer right now and my good friend Oprah requested it for me if she thinks it’s gonna help me heal, and I by trust her implicitly. He had a very flat, but it was scrawny. You know what I mean people make it out to be kind of sexy and cool and different and Irish and I know like a rich billionaire but but it wasn’t a rich billionaire, but it was just scrawny.” says Caroline.
“ yeah yeah it was Caroline so you just assumed that lamb who probably had a really nice body even though he contorted it to look homosexual and that might’ve made it look like a tractive, but you assumed that that body on was somehow with your father because they were gay?” says Ireland.
“ yes, I don’t understand gay man I’m not one of them. I don’t know how they think. I just assumed that that was some thing that gay men do.” says Caroline.
“ what else Caroline?” says Ireland.
“ I thought that gay men didn’t require monogamy arm remember, when Paris Hilton was caught, telling us the truth about how gay men use the grinder, and that they tend to just have promiscuous sex all the time and that they’re not really like normal in that way by our standards by heteronormative culture I just assumed that because they were men who knew how to have fun and not be uptight like women that they were probably just all have fun all the time with socks, you know how to treat it like a bag of Doritos. and it’s just like you eat the Doritos and you have a fun time! YAY! No big deal you know stop crying about it. Yes that is. Ha ha ha ha ha!
Hey, I just thought oh my gosh, you know, if only to be a man and have that kind of logic and reason and understanding when it comes to sex to be that evolved as a human. I just thought you know monogamy is something that women invented because we need a provider given the oppression on our gender if women didn’t have breasts and we didn’t have curves, and we weren’t subjugated by misogyny into being so beautiful and we were just like men, but with vaginas and worms eyes were supposed to be by God, then we would have to con men into monogamy, and we can all just have sex like androgynous super beings.” says Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg, without irony or humor intended.
“ so you think that in the garden of Eden women looks like men but just with wombs and vaginas?” says the CIA.
“ yeah I think that’s what most people think in the 20th century I think that’s what people realized in feminism was that women were really just supposed to look like men but it’s because of sexual oppression that we developed brass that were cumbersome for travel and warfare at work, and we were supposed to just look like men and be like man and be tough and masculine. You know it’s really just the oppression on our gender that made us so round and curvy and you know like feminine and shit.” says Caroline.
“ I think you’re confusing, butch lesbian logic with reality.” says Richard Gere.
“ no no that’s insulting to butch lesbians and they’re my friends don’t you dare say that about them that’s not true that’s just reality!” says Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg.
“so Caroline, you think that time at your mothers androgynous frame, and your own is the epitome of all womanhood?” says Vogue.
“ I mean yes, I’m in a wild woman. A lot of women in my family are shaped like that him. My grandmother was like that too, but then she had big boobs, but that was because my grandfather was oppressive. He grew up in him the upper middle class before we ascended to the old money family that we became through the Fitzgerald‘s of Boston who are an incredibly old money. Prestigious is super Old Money family!” says Caroline.
“ they really weren’t Caroline that’s actually one of the real lies.” says Scott Fitzgerald.
“ Caroline, so tell us more about this male monogamy?” says Ireland.
“ well, I just think that men aren’t monogamous. Edwin is because he’s a St. him and he puts up with so much crap. He’s an absolute saint!
But my my my my got sons, my intellectual, no, or tells me that men are just in capable of being monogamous. I don’t think they can be. I think it’s like scientifically impossible I think based on science, it’s absolutely impossible for men to be monogamous. I just think that you know it’s like mannequin for some Celso like my husband but I think really it’s extra hard on them psychologically. Because it’s just they have such a drive to be with everybody that they see and I just think you have to let them if you really love him and let him go let him go and just let him be with whoever the fuck he wants to be with because that’s real love, and that’s the kind of love that lime had for Jack do you wanna fuck the neighbor go ahead Jack. You wanna fuck my sisters know because they’re my sisters and I care about I care about them and I’m not gonna subject them to actually no that’s Jack to live. Never mind I’m getting confused I’m a little high I’m sorry. Do you want to sleep with my sister? Do you want to sleep with my mom you want to sleep with anyone you want go ahead because that’s love and I love you. And I think it’s just that’s a lot you want to sleep with Jackie you want to sleep with Marilyn you want to sleep with your brother do you want to sleep with the dog you wanna sleep with the cows? Do you want to sleep with the kids maybe not maybe not the kids maybe not the cow Maybe not dunker but otherwise I love you and you can do whatever makes you happy!” says Caroline sincerely.
“ so arm this is very illuminating how many times do you think I’ve told him that?” says Kurt Cobain.
“ I am positive. He said it often I saw my father leave with lots of people smiling when Mr. One was there I mean I call him that now, Mr. Lem! Because people I want them to understand the relationship I had with him he called him lame, but he was Mr. Lem’s. He was my Mr. Lem! I loved him he was beneath me and my family I mean we were like super superior to him so as I got older, I realized that he was someone that I should listen to you with an open heart and an open mind to be loving. But it’s like you know I mean it’s it happened a lot Kurt it happened a lot. He would runoff with lots of different people and I always thought and I would say don’t let Caroline see. Don’t let her see you do this Jack it’s going to confuse her and then Jack would say she doesn’t know what’s going on. She’s a little girl just like I like it! And Anne and I would say, Jack, are you thinking about molesting Caroline? I remember him, saying that.
Oh my God I’ve never realized she said that but he did. My dad said that once no I mean lambs not my father, but I am he’s Mr. Lamb that he said that he said, are you thinking of molesting Caroline?
And my father said yeah, sometimes because you know, a lot of of our friends are experimenting with that nowadays it’s the newest thing-“ says Caroline. She goes quiet.
“ have you have you processed that memory with anyone up until this moment?” says the CIA.
“ no I am I am I’ve never remembered the whole conversation until right now. I think it’s because Lacey’s listening and I don’t understand why I’m responding to that because she’s just a huge fucking stupid bitch.” says Caroline.
Ireland controls laugher.
“ no she’s not a safe adult. The weather in Ireland just told me that she would’ve been a safe adult for me to confide in. Don’t you try to confuse me!” she snaps.
“ so what was the conversation Caroline?” says the CIA.
“ the conversation with my dad, saying that some of his gay friends and who he was meeting when he was president because it was like they were new friends who he hadn’t really spent much time with before they were giving him the idea to molest me and my brother, I think it was me for sure and he was just like dumbfounded by by the idea but he was thinking about it because I think he thought it was like kind of cool and new and different and he was trying to fit in with these people. I have no idea who they were but I think they were like rich people basically in the illuminati who were gay and then and he was getting the idea that somehow to fit in with him he should molest me and that was cool?” says Caroline.
“ what did what did Lem say?” says the CIA.
“ Leavitt was totally confused and panicked and he was just like don’t say that Jack that’s evil or that’s not certain you know that’s not some thing you should do and my dad was just like love you don’t understand and and I actually empathize with my dad when he said you don’t understand because when he say stuff like that, I knew he meant it that he just really didn’t think the person understood and so was he was just like you don’t understand you don’t understand these people it’s like that you just don’t understand. I didn’t know what molest station meant which is why I think I’ve kept that word in my head because it was a really weird conversation.” says Caroline.
“ and then, and then Jack ran off with someone?” says the CIA.
“ yeah and then Jack ran off with him and then and then my dad and then Jack Jack Harry my father. Yes the Jack Kennedy, my father I know I’m a really big deal so then Jack Kennedy, John F Kennedy, my father, JFK… he was him he was just like well i’m gonna go see at tutti or Twitty or something tootles or something or tweedle Dee Dee or Twitty I’m gonna go off and see twiddle, dee, dee or something some woman who he called twiddles or Tweetie or something at and presumably I have sex.” says Caroline.
“ how did you figure out what sex was?” says Lem.
“ dad dad told me what it what is lime my father told me he said that’s what a man takes his dick out of his pants and puts it up a woman’s private parts that she hides in her underwear. He told me that was a wink.” says Caroline.
“ that actually could almost be sexual abuse, and of itself, depending on how he said it.” says the CIA.
“ what maybe it is if I have been sexually abused by my father I’m sure my mother would’ve told me.” says Caroline.
“ so so so your dad ran off to go see twiddle, dee, dee, or some thing and then what happened to you?” says the CIA.
“ lab looked at me and smiled and gave me this little loving smile because he was so in love with my dad and I thought yeah you’re dumb because we’re better than you but you’re a nice man so I’ll tolerate you for now. And then I just walked off and went and played with my toys in the other room like a good kid.” says Caroline.
“ did Lum know that you knew what they were talking about?” says Lucretia.
“ I have no idea.” says Caroline.
“ I didn’t think she knew.” says Lem.
“ Caroline when was that when was that Caroline that that happened?” says the CIA.
“ 1961 no 1962 probably in the summer of 1962.” says Caroline.
“ so did your father ever touch you in anyway that you were call at all that was weird or no?” says the CIA.
“ are used to give me a slaps on the butt when I was getting off his lap. He used to slap me on the butt.” says Caroline.
“what else did he do?” says the CIA.
“ I don’t know I mean he used to do that I guess that was a little weird and at times he would have my brother crawl all over him that was kind of strange because he got a weird smile on his face and I always thought that daddy was on his meds because sometimes he take meds he took a lot of meds and when he go on his meds he get really foggy or sometimes he’d run around really fast all over from room to room. He run super fast top lightning speed, so there were some meds that he take where he’d run really fast like a fire fighter or a man in the Olympics and then there were some meds that he take where he lay there and I think your brain is moving really slow!” says Caroline.
“ him so it’s possible that he molested your brother while his brain was moving slow?” says the CIA.
“ I mean yeah he might have he might’ve he might have I guess I suppose that could be molestation. I wonder who messed my dad up to make him a molester because I’m sure that wasn’t his heart intent, I’m sure that was an accident.” says Caroline.
“ I doubt that was an accident Caroline.” says a pedophile in the Illuminati.
“ he used to come on to me pedophilia is insane, but he also was incestuous and he used to come on to me a lot.” says Bobby Kennedy Senior.
“and I don’t know who that is that isn’t, my uncle Bobby that’s not our family that’s not who we are!” says Caroline.
“ that that sounds like what your cousin Maria said when people thought Arnold was cheating on her.” says Kurt Cobain.
“ oh yeah, Anne and Arnold it was weirdly sexually involved with a maid, but we’ve never been able to figure out how that happened.” says Caroline.
“ what what do you mean?” says a British actress who played a servant on Downton Abbey.
“ well, I mean there are some people who think Arnold was drugged and that they made used mind control to have sex with him with aliens. I’m not naming names but that’s a popular theory in the email chain and the family email chain.
Because it sounds far-fetched when you first think of it, but let me tell you if you were in the illuminati like us and you had to deal with the shit we’ve dealt with as a family you would know that a lot of things that you said that you think are impossible or not impossible!” says Caroline.
“Explain!” says Scott Fitzgerald.
“ so Bobby finally just said Bobby thinks that Arnold was controlled by aliens who are the maid contacted through Palestinian dissidents. He thinks do you have to follow it all of it as convoluted as it can get. So that the Palestinian dissidents are Palestinian Christians, who are actually in league with the evil part of Mossad to control Hamas to prolong the war. So they’re dissidence from regular Hamas, working with evil parts of them aside to control the war to make it last longer and they’re in league with the bush family. So the bush family is profiting through Halliburton and organizations like that to make money on the war in Israel. And the war in Ukraine it’s like the military industrial complex if if you were familiar with that concept.
So there’s a dissident group of Palestinians, who found aliens through the British, aristocrats, the British royal family, because they’re in contact with aliens. Bobby thinks that are on government is as well, but he thinks that the British royal family regularly has consensual sex With aliens.
So the the British royal family has consensual sex with aliens, the blue ones and that’s why we call the blue bloods because they’re actually sexually one with blue blood Aliens. He thinks that’s why they oppressed the Irish because they were being controlled by evil aliens, and he believes that we can have world peace through Buddhism if we just manage to control the alien contact between the British royal family and the blue aliens.
He has lots of theories, but that’s one that he doesn’t share with a lot of people and so I’ve kept that one close to my heart.” says Caroline.
“ so did Bobby ever I have a slow brain with his kids?” says Kurt.
“ no but I saw him running with my dad once I don’t think he ever slowed his brain down and let them have crawl time like he did with my little brother when he was learning how to crawl yeah it was when he was really little you know and maybe he was just trying to strengthen his neck. But I don’t know it was like weird…
But one time Robbie was running a lot super fast all over the White House with Jack top speed. They were racing like the Olympics really fast!” says Caroline.
“ so so your father gave Bobby with amphetamine or meth or something methamphetamine?” says Kurt.
“ yeah let him never was running. He was never a runner he didn’t really like to take the drugs with them. He said no Bobby someone Hass to stay sober and so then they would jump and run and they run real fast and jump in the swimming pools and take all their clothes off and I went home. I heard Bobby Young from the swimming pool. I feel hot I feel so hot. It’s like my skin is burning and he was laughing at the same time.
And I thought to myself, I don’t think I ever wanna do drugs because I don’t want my skin to burn when I’m swimming.” says Caroline. “ it’s funny the thoughts you have as a kid when you don’t really know what’s going on.”
“ where was your mother during all of this or Lem?” says a gay man.
“ when was the noise there sometimes my dad I think hit his mass from lamb. Sometimes I think he use meth with love wasn’t there because Linn was stop him from using it and say Jack we’re not gonna use that that’s bad and then my dad to get me to get mad and so then he’d hide it and use it with lime wasn’t there. And Bobby with a snicker with mama says don’t do that don’t do that Jack that that’ll be bad and then Bobby with snicker like Lem was an idiot. And Silverman lamp is in there they would do math. I’m pretty sure it was math at the time. I didn’t necessarily know what it was, but I might’ve even heard my dad say methamphetamine like he was real proud of it, holding it up in the air over his desk and then Bobby was like yeah that looks like fun and then they do use it together when Lem wasn’t around.
Where was my mom shopping? She was shopping in Paris for dresses. She did a lot of shopping. She was gone shopping yet. My mom is shopper she was a shopper. She’d go shopping a lot and leave us a kids there so she could shop till she dropped!
And I think she thought someone was taking care of us or she just didn’t give a shit. It’s funny I said my way, and it sounds like we’re white trash. Oh, so my mother was shopping and Linn wasn’t there because he had to go home for a while and then he hasn’t come back yet and my grandma was high on a tranquilizer and my grandpa was mute because he had a stroke and no one else was there. It was just Dad and Bobby and grandma who was high on a tranquilizer.
So I would just run around by myself with my dolls, just pretending in the White House for hours and you know sometimes the Secret Service would keep an ion me and make sure that I stayed away from my dad and Bobby when they were running and I were just playing on my own with dolls And then, my brother would cry when the nannies would take care of him, or sometimes the secretaries because he was supposed to be to being taken care of but our nannies got bored because we didn’t pay them enough because we were cheap and they get mad that we weren’t taking that my family wasn’t taking care of us, and so they refused to take care of us because they were underpaid And so they were just want to have a break not to sit and smoke and read as my brother would cry because he what is diaper he was laying on the ground and then a secretary would scoop him up and change him and he come back smiling, and she saying this could be my son if I was only lucky enough
And I thought I don’t know who the hell all these people are I’m just gonna mind my own fucking business and play with my doll.
And then the photographers would come and take pictures and read smile, and everyone suddenly would pay attention to me, but that’s just how family is do you know people get busy. I come from a very elite all money family we’re a really big deal!” says Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg.
“ do you know if there’s rain Carnation? I wouldn’t be surprised if people were taking care of you from the other side but it’s also possible that I did at times regardless but I’d lie to myself about it.” says Joe Junior.
“ did my dad molest me Joe?” says Caroline, shaking.
“ yes, he did Caroline.” says Joe.
She’s quiet.
“ did my mother hate me?” says Caroline.
“ no, she didn’t hate you she hated us.” says Joe.
“ did you love me?” says Caroline.
“ yes I did and so did your uncle Bobby I’m sorry you weren’t my daughter if you’re hearing from me and this is a real conversation may be in heaven you can just be my daughter if you’d like to be but that’s up to you.” says Joe Junior.
“ what is Dahlia Pons will have been my mom?” says Caroline.
“ well sweetheart, that’s where you need to figure out if there’s reincarnations she might’ve been if I married Lacey I would’ve liked to have thought she could be your mother but she couldn’t of been. It’s possible that I could’ve created you with a failure and then yes, do you be a very pretty blonde woman, is that what you wanna look like?” says Joe.
“ maybe I don’t know.” says Caroline.
“ I hope you can figure it out with God or I’ll figure it out for you if you want to be my daughter.” says Joe.
“ Caroline what else did you think was just homosexuality?” says God.
“ that secretary thought my brother should just die and she she thought he was better off dead but with his wife who he loved and I guess Lauren had to die to, but I really think that someone just thought they’d be happier debt, which is sad but I’ll leave that up to God.
And I guess just that you know is that someone’s laughing at me about the whole monogamy thing, so I’m gonna start to wonder if I’m just saying something stupid but I I have thought that to some degree that that the lack of monogamy was somehow related to their homosexuality, and that it just didn’t bother them because they were gay.” says Caroline.
“ that’s not how it works.” says Joe.
“ I thought that lame seriousness was gay and that I think I had cognitive dissonance when I see men who were straight kind of what I feel like Anthony Bourdain was like that that same sort of intense seriousness, and I’ve just thought that men who are like that who are so serious? We’re just like depressed or some thing I I didn’t realize if that was part of their heterosexuality potentially well, their personality and their heterosexuality maybe but it’s eight I’ve just never connected the dots that was actually just his heterosexuality. I think there are a lot of gay men who want to think that they’re that intense or serious and they’re not or they have a little bit of bisexuality that they’re not honest about or it’s like there’s a part of them that’s just not quite that way, but they want to think it is it’s probably one or the other Because I thought that probably is heterosexuality that’s like some intense sort of intense masculinity like Anthony Bourdain, who also committed suicide and also was into drugs I lived in New York and it’s funny because now I am I just thought that was somehow homosexuality because I’m lame he was that way that was his personality but then he had a high-pitched voice And a loud high-pitched laugh and he’d walk around with a sachet sometimes and he would purse his lips and flutter his eyes and make his eyes big and wide and stare, stare eyed and stuff like that that really is very gay and I just didn’t think that you could pick up those mannerisms without being homosexual. I just thought that every gay man invented them I didn’t realize that they were Smith copping a childbirth or inventing the same thing as a concept I didn’t realize that it was not really like biological that it was sort of an act or that they were copying each other so lame would seem like Anthony Bourdain underneath all of this gay stuff that he was doing and I just didn’t want to think that that meant that he was straight, I assumed that that was impossible That somehow the acts of being gay would be impossible without being gay.” says Caroline.
“ but it was just an act!” says Jack Lemmon.
“ yeah OK you guys killed my dad did you but but that’s you know I didn’t know necessarily that the CA probably killed my father I think they’ve been hiding that partially because I’m still alive and so is Bobby and they didn’t think we could handle the truth of what actually happened to our family but that that’s that’s hard for me to handle but that’s probably what happened um, if if that’s you know if I’m talking to the people who are dead if you guys killed my dad in the CIA because Fidel Castro made you which does make sense to give an operation mongoose you probably have been hiding that to protect my feelings, so protect a lot of peoples feelings, so that makes sense I hate I just didn’t get it.” says Caroline.
“ so what was gay then if Lems acts and his actual self is not homosexuality, what did your dad do that was?” says a reader.
“ sometimes he would act really flamboyant, and he would do that with a high pitched. Well no I’m being so that he would do that with a deep voice, see my father way to the very deep, very deep sort of masculine sounding voice, and what sort of acts in a very deep sort of masculine way, and wear clothes that made him look big enough far more buff than he was so he would tailor his clothes to look buff and then he would talk very deep and act very manly, very very manly. He really leaned into his attraction to women as much as possible in his public persona, but sometimes he would be very flamboyant and giggle or clap his hands together or sort of like he just it was very sort of hyper but without the drugs even and very sort of Gideon 🙂 but then he was couple that was this like masculine persona, and so it looks straight to people who looks like a really friendly Jolly Irish straight man, but I had a feeling he was more just homosexual and Irish and closeted and bisexual I don’t think he was as jolly and silly and happy and playful as people have thought he was.” says Caroline.
“ what was he doing while he was smiling and acting so giddy? What would he be doing at the time?” says the CIA.
“ snorting cocaine, flirting with his secretaries, throwing a football around the oval office with Bobby he was honestly he was like that all the time I don’t really ever remember my father being sad ever I don’t remember him ever acting sad he was always up he was always happy. He was always happy. He was just as extremely smiley person Bobby could be serious. My father was rarely ever serious. He was always just extremely happy I think for a while after my youngest brother, Patrick died in October before he was shot. I saw him are looking serious, holding his head and-
Later.
“We’ll edit this.” says Grandpa Pantell.
Keen to Cross the Pond 