Psychotic Girl by The Black Keys plays.
Turns out Lem and Lacey have never truly made love.
He thought he had. She dearly wanted to.
“But she hadn’t.” says Louis.
His wife stumbles backward and worries.
“Why?” asks a very gifted actress of Lacey. She grins.
“I act.” Lacey admits.
“Why?” asks a former Baptist pastor.
“Because society demands it of me. And no one living has ever loved me that much. And…no one ever bothers.” says Lacey. She thinks. “It’s really the combination of all those things.”
“Except it isn’t prostitution. You just do this to get along with people.” says a professional basketball player.
“There’s no money in it. True. I just don’t want to be offensive.” says Lacey.
“I knew that.” says Michael.
“I did too.” says Louis.
“It’s why neither of you are hurt?” asks the basketball player.
“Yes!” laughs Michael. “She’s being culturally amiable. It’s such bullshit unless you love her.”
“So it’s total shit to you?” asks The Loudest Perfume Hater.
“No! I understand sex. I love it. I just do t want to be…a total recluse. And today there’s almost no choice.” says Lacey. “I was also molested and I used that to figure out how to deal with the society we live in.”
“And outsmart men like Joe Jr.?” asks a Democrat.
“And you.” says Lacey. “Sex is good!!!” she says sarcastically.
High And Dry by Radiohead plays.
“So she learned how to have sex with me very convincingly. ….Very convincingly. And yet totally withhold herself.” says Joe Jr.. “She’s a genius in bed, to be honest. It utterly destroys you. It’s like you have no will left.”
“Jack is controlled by her too.” says Joe Jr..
“You did it to yourselves!” says Prince Philip.
“It’s insidious.” says Diana. She laughs. “She’s my opposite in that way.”
“Mine too.” says Marilyn.
“Opposite because I too felt her pain…but I couldn’t destroy men so expertly.” says Diana. “But funny thing, I don’t think she ever intends to. Truly!”
“No! She didn’t destroy her ex-husband. But he’s not able to get over her either.” says Marilyn. “And it isn’t because he was in love with her, although they do have a certain real love as friends.”
“So I take it Tommy Banks was better at that sort of thing than Joe?” a skeptic says rolling his eyes.
“Her mother would have been better too.” says Joe Jr. rolling his eyes.
“But she’s so moral. And uptight!” says a Gen X dude.
“She’s aging. But…it’s…hideous. And if you’re a fool it destroys you.” says Louis.
“She really is a good person. That’s the danger.” says Bobby Sr. laughing. He finds it hilarious. He hears someone say ‘Eww!’ and he shakes his head no. “It’s not. Stop hurting yourself. Truly. It’s not a joke.”
An horribly insecure finance bro attacks Lacey. Then he stops.
“Who else was like that?!” a Gen X woman asks Elliott.
“Who could have been.” he responds.
The woman laughs.
“So she’s our age. Like genuinely our age. But…we’re evolving.” the woman hypothesizes. “And so she’s this…good-hearted, brilliant, gorgeous woman who’s awake in a way we aren’t today. Because we’re flattering ourselves to think we’re as sexually aware as they may have been by nature.”
“We dumbed down our minds sexually over time.” says a Catholic with conviction.
“I don’t know if I’m illegitimate.” Lacey points out.
“But if you are…we’re embarrassing ourselves.” says a Bill confidently. A Lutin smiles, unafraid. He smiles.
“You have no worries if you’re honorable. Truly honorable.” he says. He smiles to himself.
“He’s right. I’ve never made love to her. But…I’m not worried.” says a Bill.
“She’s never consciously let me.” Wobbly jokes. “So I’m fine too.”
“She didn’t ever really want to at all with you. It’s vile.” Lem says to Wobbly.
“He’s a Skakel. Poor dear.” says another dead man fondly. “We did have a certain amount of reverence for Christ.”
“Thank God.” says Bobby Sr..
Suite Bergamasque by Debussy plays.
“Anyway, it’s a problem.” says Lacey.
“Not really!” shouts Lem at Lacey.
And at that Michael literally rips off Lem’s head.
Lem re-emerges moments later. They are already dead.
“She isn’t hurting me at all.” he decides. “That was an experiment.”
“I broke off his head very quickly. We planned it ahead of time as a safety precaution.” explains Michael. “He also wanted to know what that feels like to die that way.”
“Are they going to chop off Christians’ heads? Or was that to understand what happened in the wars?” asks Lacey.
“You seemed to think it wasn’t as painful in any way. And you’re right.” says Michael.
“Torture only works if you keep the person fully alive. And that’s harder to do than you might think.” says Lacey. “I don’t mean to hurt men. But the torture of Christ in our culture ruined sex.”
“Why haven’t you made love to Lacey?” Prince Philip asks Lem.
Lacey’s favorite piece by Beethoven, Symphony No. 5 plays.
“Who doesn’t love Symphony No. 5?! Everyone knows that one!” says Lacey rolling her eyes.
“I deplore it!” says Michael faking being gay. “It’s a ghastly number by that terrifically trite dope.”
“Golly! You sound trite.” says Lacey.
“True. But we’re acting.” he says.
“Are we in every way?” asks Lacey.
“Hardly likely.” says Michael. “Hardly possible. Not…at…all.”
“Oh I do so love to hear Americans imitate us. We sound so…stupid?” asks a Brit.
“Oh dear!! You best stawp! Dahling!” says Rocky.
“They’re imitating the imitators. …I know.” cries the Brit.
“I just had my head ripped off!” announces Lem.
“Lem…that is…unusual.” says Rocky warmly.
Then feeling his confidence reclaimed, he turns to Prince Philip. “No, I noticed her.” he says faltering again.
“No. No one does.” says Lacey.
“I did!!!” says Joe Jr..
“Most men over 70 noticed you. They were in awe of you.” says a dead man who saw her at 18.
“There’s no real proof.” says Lacey. “I could explain it all away with perversion.”
“Not really!” insists Michael.
“What is it about her face that’s so glorious?” asks The Loudest Perfume Hater.
“It’s supple, round…sexy. Every tiny bit of it. But not slutty. Just…so sexy.” says the dead man who’d be 106.
“But not masculine?” asks a Millennial actress with a round face.
“She’s not round in that way. It’s more…supple.” he says. He laughs. “It’s fun to look at. But I’d never expect to end up with her.”
“The perfect storm.” says the Gen X woman.
“I assumed she’d be around forever. Available always. Because she is a good person who’s good-hearted and a fervent Christian.” says Joe Jr.. “Don’t doubt her faith. That’s dangerous. Christ exists, honey.” he says to her haters using religious spirits.
“So she’s not lashing out. She’s not getting even. She’s just over you.” says a Gen X woman to Joe.
“There wasn’t anything to really get over. Just an acceptance of death.” says the Catholic Church. “Too much acceptance but she fervently worships God.”
“I don’t hate her! I’m just better than her!!!” yells Summertime Sadness.
“Yeah!!” yells Mr. Blue. “Me too.”
“Me too!!!” yells Jack.
Don’t Hold Back plays.
The three men form into a half circle. Lights on stage focus on them.
They begin doing some sort of traditional Irish dance. Their glitter apparel is…glittery.
Zelda laughs.
They lip sync the words to the Bob Moses song. Twirl once for a little bit more visual interest for the audience.
Joe Sr. claps and cheers them on for encouragement.
“Is that who want? Does that make you make love?” asks Prince Philip of Lem.
“I got to me! I felt it!” says Bernie.
More later.
“Girl Code!” shouts a Saoirse. “Worms of the world unite!!”
“Yeah!!!” yells a Mary. “Woohoo!!”
“If all the women of the world just stand together…the world will be a better place. That’s gotta be the answer, guys.” says Lacey.
“Yeah, dude. You’re right!” says a Mary.
“When I only think about the way women shaped my life. The influence they had on me and the men in my life. The way they selflessly cared every time for me and my truly innocent and vulnerable daughters?! …I mean, we were empowered women. We were like men. Workers. Not at all the traditional feminine victims.” *cough* “Why men are rightfully protective. No!!! …It was the slutty, manipulative, violent real narcissist who triggered my also narcissistic husband to kill us who was the societal feminine. Because she spread her legs.” explains Shanann Watts. “Girl Code!!! Women unite!!!” she shouts.
“You know…maybe women are women. But…trying to turn our gender into an army is rather dumb and dangerous.” says Lacey.
“Oh! Don’t worry! Women aren’t women any more anyway according to Democratic hopefuls.” says a Mary.
“We don’t have to be an army anymore!” says a Saoirse with relief.
“Aww! Darn. I was having fun!” says Shanann.
“Well, we could make an army.” says a Saoirse sweetly.
Shanann smiles.
“How about I fight for all of you. If I’m going to claim to possibly be an English soldier I should. People living don’t know either way. And it’s a grave honor to even imagine.” says Michael.
Later.
“Things matter. And you can’t endlessly control people. You can’t. Get a fucking grip!!!” Lem yells at the Illuminati. “I’ve tried to come on to Lacey so many times but been thwarted. …You’ve gotta let go of your delusions. You’re not me. You don’t know my sexual history the way I do. And it’s becoming problematic. For you and for me. …Stop attacking me when you don’t think I’m real anyway!!!”
“They’re the experts on you. Even though Wikipedia actually is quite vague. And I say that as a purist.” says Lacey.
“But we know what we was saying even though he never openly admitted to being gsy. Or barely did and felt uncomfortable talking about it.” says a gay man. “I mean, I think he was gay. But I haven’t heard from possible ghosts. …In truth, I don’t fully understand how I’m even on your blog.” He thinks. “There’s no real proof he was gay. He could have been bi or confused. …It’s stubborn bullshit you’re dealing with. I’m sorry…”
“She’s right. There isn’t. Or you’re right? …Whoever you even are?!” says a history professor.
“Jack could have been gay.” says Lacey. “And that’s totally whitewashed.” She rolls her eyes. “Or bisexual.”
“Just lay off!!!!” yells Lem at the Illuminati.
“Don’t say that. They’ll think you’re coming on to them.” says Lacey.
“But they’re so ugly. And downtrodden. Why ever would I do that? Or wait! No. They’re too superior.” he says. “ I don’t fuck Jack. That’s his delusion.”
A police officer pulls them over. For expired registration tabs because the ex-husband forgets. Every year.
But…the officer is a Republican. So all is well.
“It started off badly…but I talked to her.” Louis says.
“And then they had a friendly chat. And Lacey almost accidentally told her that she loved her when they parted ways.” says Michael. Michael laughs.
“It was a reflex. Like saying goodbye on the phone to people in my family.” says Lacey. She laughs.
“Well all is well that ends well.” says Lutin.
They laugh.
More Later.
“If I’m illegitimate there’s always something weird about my interactions with police officers. But I liked that lady eventually.” says Lacey.
“She made a joke about taxes and told you to be more fastidious.” says Louis. “You love being genuinely corrected.” he says sadly.
“Lacey you really are like Buster.” says an actor.
Michael smiles.
“Lem, you have to understand her generation is awful. You can’t…just sleep with her. In her experience that means nothing but violence. And massive betrayal.” says Michael.
“But men love you the minute you sleep with them!” protests a stalker who her ex claims raped him.
“I think they get attached. In a way. But I don’t think they automatically fall in love. Do you fall in love that much?” Lacey asks.
“No.” she says. “But I get super attached. Possessively so. Pathologically so. …You just…do momentarily and then if it’s not well received you move on. …I’m not like that. I wish I was.” She thinks. “You’re not like…into ghosts?”
“No. They’re the only men who I’ve been…captured by.” Lacey laughs.
Later.
…
“You Mick!” says an Illuminati member to Lacey, conjuring a follower in the process.
“Huh. Fascinating insult. Do explain.” says Lacey. “Please!”
“Your father was the leader of the Irish Mob.” says the hater.
“Okay, but like…they’re not Irish. Or at least not really. That insult requires being very much Irish.” says Jack Kennedy.
“They tried. But…were you even Irish?” asks Desmond Guinness.
“I don’t honestly know.” says Lacey.
“But if you were Japanese you’d still be insulted by a racist joke about Chinese people.” says a white supremacist. Lacey takes him seriously.
“True! But then by that logic the English would be insulted by anti-Irish insults.” says Lacey.
He laughs.
“How are the Japanese like the English and not the other way around?” another white supremacist laughs.
“Imperial Japan is more in synch with Imperial Britain, in my opinion. And China has a certain ancient ambiance like Celtic nations?” suggests Lacey.
“No. We were not necessarily Irish in the Banks family.” says Tom.
“That’s bizarrely insightful.” says an actor about her historical observation.
“I’m in love with her.” says Lem.
“We apologize, Jack. That’s your insult.” say the Illuminati.
“We weren’t Micks either. We were lace curtain Irish.” he says. “Get it? Lace? And she’s Lacey Banks.”
“Am I really?” asks Lacey.
“Only if you want.” says Reta. “Right? No. You’re my daughter if I want you to be.”
“Do you?” asks Lacey.
“Yes.” she says.
“No, you don’t.” says Lacey.
“Yes! I do.” she smiles.
“I’ll let God sort that one out with you.” says Lacey.
“Don’t!” she says to Lacey.
“What else does one do?” asks Lacey.
“You’ll see me in Heaven. But don’t believe that until God let’s you.” she says. “Or rather don’t fall for it. I can’t talk to you clearly enough right now.”
“I wasn’t just feeling suicidal.” Lacey explains to the Illuminati. “In case you were wondering.”
Later.
…
Lacey listens to Glass Hillside all the way through.
“If I have to take the song as intended…it works for Lem. It doesn’t work otherwise.” she says.
Kick laughs.
“Why does the song work for Lem?” asks a living artist.
Michael laughs.
“He’s just that blatantly sexy. When he wants to be. But…it takes a certain bold sexuality or it’s so corny.” she says. “I mean…did they sell out and it’s about child sex slavery…or is it progressive bullshit?”
Michael laughs. “Lacey! They’re gay! No girls allowed!”
“Damn!” she says. …”It’s just that I love their music. And what am I supposed to do with this poetry? It’s totally exclusionary. I’m neither a ‘daddy’ nor a young male player looking for a sugar daddy.”
“Lesbians do it too. In their art.” says Lem.
“I know. They’re so arrogant!” says Lacey.
“How?” asks a lesbian.
“Calling straight people breeders? Insulting our souls? …You act like your sex lives are soo much better. I highly doubt that they are. But even if they are at times…I find it very abrasive.” She thinks.
“Actually, I do too. It’s kinda low-key bullying at this point.” says Summertime Sadness.
“You know they are just as bad as straight people’s at times.” says the lesbian.
Summertime Sadness laughs. “Wow!”
“I was raped by a woman. And I killed myself.” says a Saoirse.
“What if I was raped by Jack and now you’re all getting money and jerking off to it? And I killed mysekf because I hated myself because of him? Do I HATE you all? Passionately?” asks Lem.
“Jack and Lem! Lem and Jack!” says JFK. “Weren’t you molested by a gay pedophilic priest too? Lemmers? And isn’t that why you let me rape you?” asks Jack.
“Umm. Jack why didn’t you just come out as gay?” asks a singer who’s gay.
“I couldn’t. I had to run for US President.” says Jack. “Well, and I still did find women attractive. Not as much as I pretended, possibly. Possibly…”
“Did you enjoy victimizing people?” asks the gay singer of JFK.
“Yes. It made me feel better.” he says.
“Why?!” asks another gay singer.
“Because it was my psychological makeup. I had fun putting people down. It made me feel less crummy.” says Jack.
“So you were in love with Lem?? Or no?” asks the first gay singer.
“To a point.” he says. “But if I’d married him…it would have looked like Lacey and Joe if they’d married. Except she romantically loved Joe. But power dynamics were similar.” He thinks. “I might have had a boyfriend.”
“No! You did not. And Lacey was after me for my money!” says Mr. Blue.
“How do you know I didn’t make-out with Rip? Regularly. Or that Red and I didn’t sleep together once? Consensually. Or that I didn’t fall in love with someone else? Or that Tennessee Williams and I didn’t hook-up?” says JFK. “Why did I encourage his sexual pass at me about my ass?!” He looks concerned. “If I was dating you…or married to you…and you heard that would you assume I was just being cute? Coy?! That’s absurd on a certain level. So, Lem sucked my dick so much I gave him a room in the White House and then I passed-up an offer to screw an iconic American author?!?” He looks at people. “Grow-up! I’m not a character on a television show. I was real! If I liked men…why do assume I didn’t??”
“Because we want to pretend homosexuality is as satisfying or real as heterosexuality.” says a conservative. “But in truth we know it’s a farce and that we’re just humoring queer people who want to feel normal because we feel sofor them.”
“Or…because we are delusional. In some other way.” says a gay actor.
“So you were sick in your head?” a blue collar Republican asks Jack.
“Great!” says a witch sarcastically
“Maybe I was.” says Jack.
The man laughs. “Why didn’t you just fuck Lem?”
“I did as much as I could.” says Jack.
“But it didn’t work.” says the Republican man seriously.
“It did. That’s why Lacey is dying inside. She’s defenseless.” says Jack. “It’s through Christ and Lem’s asshole problems I-I HATE Lem now. She’s changed him. Or he’s changed her. You tell me!!”
Glass Hillside plays.
“Umm. Jack. What?! His asshole problems!?” asks a lesbian.
“He’s an asshole!!!” says Jack.
“Like literally, he’s your bottom? Or?” asks The Loudest Perfume Hater.
“No!!! No. Shut-up!” he says. “No! He’s a loser!!”
“Why?” asks the gay singer.
“He’s not better than me.” says Jack. “He’s so smug. And indifferent. You know, I used to think he was just trying to hide his desire for me. But turns out he really was that much of a piece of shit.”
“Why did you involve Lacey? Isn’t she sorta like…his girlfriend but still…not really in your circle?” asks a gay man.
“That’s not Michael!” he says.
“Huh?” asks a Chinese man.
“Well…if you believe in reincarnation…you tell me! Did Michael conspire with Lem to humiliate me?” asks Jack. “No, I’m kidding. I just don’t understand it. Her sexuality isn’t supposed to exist.”
“How so?” asks a witch.
“Because Michael-“. He pauses. “No!! I’m not saying that.” He pauses. “Michael has a bigger dick. And he’s smarter. And he isn’t queer?!”
“No, he wasn’t for you. And Lem really might have been straight, and I think you sound drunk.” says a woman to JFK.
“Maybe I am.” he says. He smiles.
Silver Soul plays.
After falling down the stairs and having Covid Lacey’s lungs are not okay. And she chokes on her own spit. Like a 70-something year old.
Still, desperate for power and delusional reassurance in their intellectual poverty…Democrats backing Mr. Blue in the Illuminati violently attack Lacey. Lacey didn’t apologize enough to Mrs. Blue for not being uglier. And she’s possibly never loved Mr. Blue…at all…if it was all makeup and she wasn’t after his money. Her being a gold-digger is his best bet.
“They can’t handle that I seemed straight and Lem seemed gay. It’s too intellectually scary.” says Jack to Lacey.
“Damn. I should have told her to go back to school.” says a former employer of Lacey.
“But I wouldn’t have my kids.” says Lacey.
“If we don’t kill you…they come for us. Or they pay.” says Mr. Blue to Lacey.
“But I died.” says a Saoirse.
“So did we.” says a Gideon.
“That doesn’t count.” says Satan.
“Why?” asks Lacey of Satan.
He thinks. How to explain?
Linger as sang by a demon to Satan makes Lacey laugh.
“Yeah right!” says a jealous Satanist of the demon.
“I don’t care. I want you.” says Satan to Lacey.
“Why?!” asks Lacey.
“Because you’re very beautiful. And very good. And very kind. And extremely lovable.” says Satan.
“But what difference does that make?” asks Lacey. “What good does that do you? We can’t make love and if I die I’ll go to Heaven anyway.”
“True. But I want you off. I want you dead. And silent.” says Satan.
“But if I die and don’t go to Hell I’ll be happy. And goodness knows I’ll rip you apart if I can to protect my kids.” says Lacey.
“I’d do it.” says Michael.
“Hush! I want a bloody mess.” says Satan.
“Are you scared of Lem and Michael?” asks Summertime Sadness of Satan.
He cries.
“Oh, I know. You lie.” says Lacey to Satan.
“Yup!” he says.
“Does he really want to have sex with me?!” asks Lacey.
An angel answers. “Yes.”
“Why?!” asks Lacey.
“Because you’re beautiful.” says the angel.
“I suppose it’s common?!” she asks baffled.
“Not.” says the angel.
“Am I really that beautiful? Or what?” asks Lacey.
“Yes.” the angel says.
“Huh. Well, obviously it doesn’t work out.” says Lacey. “I mean he’s Satan. Too bad he can’t understand?”
Lover Of Mine plays.
“Well, I’m sure God will sort it out with Satan.” says Lacey.
“It’s just impossible?” says a Catholic of Lacey.
“Yes. It’s not possible. Too bad for Satan. If he likes me that much, I guess.” says Lacey.
“Gee. If only he hadn’t fallen.” says an Episcopalian.
“Well, it’s not just that. It’s also that he’s not human.” says Lacey. “If he became the Anti-Christ that obviously wouldn’t work. Just to clarify.”
“Would anything work?” asks Lem.
“He’s Satan. Isn’t there something he can work out with God?” asks Lacey. “I just can’t imagine there’s a problem or if there is it wasn’t going to happen anyway. It’s not my pay grade either way.”
“So you want us to torture her or kill her?” asks the Satanists.
“I don’t care. I hate you all. I look forward to slaughtering you and then torturing you for eternity if God lets me.” Satan says.
The Fear by Lily Allen plays. Satan dances.
“Sometimes Satan has to remind me that God loves me. Satan doesn’t love me. But he reminds me God loves me.” says Lacey.
“Shake those asses!!!” Michael says to pedophiles. “Then slit your throats if you’re not useful to Christ.”
“Oh no! Don’t kill them!” says a progressive counselor.
“I’m not.” says Michael.
“That’s hate speech! We’ll kill you! And torture you for being Christian! And then kill your kids and eat them.” she says on behalf all Liberal Americans and Democrats everywhere. Including Joe Biden.
“I’m not sure I like this idea.” says a Joe Biden.
“Why not? I just did mushrooms and it makes sense to me.” says a vocal lesbian. “I hate her. She’s so smug. Let’s torture her.”
“But the idea isn’t to torture me. Is it? Isn’t it to torture my kids and then literally turn them into food?” clarifies Lacey.
“Yes. They may have wanted to torture you too though. Sorry for the miscommunication.” says Lem.
Lacey analyzes it.
“I’m sorry? But I’m afraid we’re going to have to decline.” says Lacey.
“You could try. But we’re dead.” says Lem. “You can’t control our movements.”
“What happens if we torture innocent people?” asks a psychopath.
“The expected. Satan is allowed to hurt you more or you’ll lose your sense of self in some way? Or something? That’s my sense.” says Lacey. “You don’t get away with anything.”
“Oh well. No more. I’m done. And you’ll regret it if you test me. I can’t lie?” asks Lacey.
“Like we’ll wish we hadn’t?” asks a Greta.
“You’ll die through your pores?” wonders Lacey. “No!! You’ll vomit for weeks and then cry yourself in delirium to eternal Hell?” she wonders casually. “No! You’ll bleed through your eyes until your throat swells up and you suffocate?”
“Like it! Don’t love it!” says a dead DuPont.
“Well, I don’t want them to go to Hell.” she says.
“It’s not the kind of torture I can do.” says Satan.
“No. But I hope they’re still redeemable.” says Lacey.
Summertime Sadness plays.
“Let’s see what I can figure out if they don’t relent.” says Satan to a lot of pedophiles.
“If they don’t abuse kids?” asks Michael.
He nods. “I want them in Hell, Mike.”
“Oh! I get it. If they don’t abuse kids you’ll send them to Hell. And you’re Satan so you’re lying.” says Lacey.
“Yes.” says Satan.
Bad Guy plays.
“You know, pedophilia really is awful. Seriously.” Satan says to Lacey.
“I struggle with blood lust in regard to those I want to torture the pedophiles. Brutally. I’m sorry, God.” says Lacey.
“Are you thanking me?” Satan asks.
“Can I?” she asks God.
“Well, God created him. But he did fall. Still, right and wrong belong to God.” says an angel.
“I’m ready to capitulate that you likely never found the real me all that attractive if at all.” Mr. Blue says Lacey.
“I was never after your money.” says Lacey.
“So we’re three insecure malignant narcissists who decided to torture you for innocently admiring us but being superior to us.” say Mr. Blue, Mrs. Blue, and Batgirl III to Lacey.
“Should this not be fiction…yes.” says Lacey. “Well, I shouldn’t say yes. I don’t know. But it seems so.”
“Well, and discovering the Illuminati. By accident. If you’re not a botched sacrificial lamb. …That’s why we hate you.” Mr. Blue says.
“Yes. And that’s all. It was by accident that it was Lacey Banks you found. Unaware.” says Reta Banks.
“So Lacey accidentally found the Illuminati on Twitter and then three fools decided to prank her viciously and drive her insane or to her death to feel superior. Because she threatened their egos too much.” muses Al Capone.
“Thee Al Capone!” says Tommy Banks.
Dead Mark Nesheim laughs.
“Welp. It’s been fun channeling with you all. But Lem says we need to go.” Lacey says as Lem’s pretend puppet.
Lover Of Mine plays.
“Off to Norway! Off to Norway!” sings Joe Jr..
“You know you’re better off without it!” sings a Viking.
“Young is fine!” says a Norwegian to a Nazi in WWII.
“We decide!” sings a Nazi.
“But then you betrayed us.” says a Norwegian.
“We’re not concerned with that.” says the Nazi.
“Then we’ll eat lefse.” say the Norwegians.
“Good song.” says Michael.
“It’s creepy without you.” says Lacey.
“Me too.” says Lem. “Lacey, we’re in love.” he warns her (about her and Lem).
—-
Keen to Cross the Pond 