Lem

(Adult content below)

This morning Lacey is talking to God.

If reincarnation is real in Christianity (which should not be defiled) and just not essential to salvation through Christ, Jack was never British. Jack Kennedy…lied.

John Fitzgerald Kennedy pretended to have been Lacey’s reincarnated best friend. Her buddy from England. Gay as they come back then but…an actual real friend.

Turns out…it was a lie.

Lacey empathized with his story that he was her friend. It was not part of what she originally thought happened. Originally it was just her and some man she’d drank herself to death over.

Drank herself to death isn’t quite accurate. She seemingly carried around an entire bottle of red wine…in Edinburgh or London to grieve his death or seeming death and then…was hit by a motor vehicle. A bus? A car? Something. Fell over, hit her head too hard and died. And yes, that was during World War I. If it happened.

Who was that Englishman? If reincarnation is real…worst case scenario it was Lem. Best case scenario it was Michael.

Worst case it was Lem because he then is a far worse person than he already was. And Jack becomes the most bloodsucking, shitty human Lacey’s ever encountered. Jack becomes the most ugly, vile human she’s ever imagined. Possibly the diarrhea of humanity. Truly. Not just shit. Vile shit.

And that’s true whether Lem was actually gay (or experiencing homosexuality) or not. Should Lem have been the Englishman.

No…it’s too traumatic to digress and explain. But essentially Lem either innocently loved Jack and almost made Lacey cease to exist because of how vile Jack was to him. The profound disrespect JFK showed Lem. The way he used Lem. Or, worse if Lem was bisexual…because Lem could genuinely love women. Can we admit at least that Jack abused Lem’s love? Treated it carelessly. Leaving Lem in such a state that he too overdosed in some way. But…that was Lacey’s pain…not Jack’s.

Lacey loved Lem. Should Lem have been the Englishman. The thought of him being tortured the same way she was would have made her grief far worse. The English died in a war…he didn’t have a choice to honorably decline fighting in. For the Englishman his death wasn’t about looking sexy on television to get women wet and brainless to win their vote. He was fighting for survival. It’s not discussed, but they were fighting for survival at their core. Jack was just literally high on meth like the worst loser junkie, and like a sadistic freakish clown, raping people’s innocent trust for petty vanity? He’s still shaking his shit covered ass to get you hard and interested and vulnerable to his shallow, useless ego-crap like a freak?

Because Lem almost made Lacey cease to exist. Should reincarnation exist. Lem almost made Lacey cease…to…exist. His life, as a man, was profoundly violent towards Lacey. And Jack lead him into it regardless. Lem’s life wasn’t just tragic. It was violent. Unspeakably violent if reincarnation exists, even if the Englishman wasn’t Lem. Even if reincarnation doesn’t…it was an accidentally unspeakably violent life in regard to Lacey.

Well…and maybe these aren’t ghosts? Or maybe Lem doesn’t love Lacey? Is that the best hope?

Lem looks as if his head is bleeding everywhere. But it ceases the moment he admits he’s a demon or not the Englishman or the moment he admits his suffering does nothing to ease Lacey’s pain.

“But if reincarnation exists…Lem isn’t the Englishman.” says Lacey. “It seems.”

“I turn back into me!” says Jack. “It’s like…it’s supposed to-Wait what?!” Is Jack gonna cease to exist? And just become that Englishman he pretended to be? Or…no? Only God can decide forever.

“Would you have tried to suck my dick in war? Betraying my trust and Lacey’s?” asks Michael. “That was the story the Illuminati heard, should they exist.”

Jack declines to respond.

“No, I’m the Englishman.” says Michael Rockefeller. “If reincarnation exists.” He looks sad.

Sodus by Cemeteries plays.

“It’s important to give our glory to God.” says Michael. “The Holy Trinity: Jesus, The Holy Spirit and God the Father.”

“The thing is…the story I heard was that you tried to seduce Michael.” Lacey says to Jack. “And he had to fight lust off to say no? Or what? He was so in awe of you he was flabbergasted?” Lacey looks curious. “That he was so in awe of your body and glory that he had…no words? Just…pure…awe?”

“Did I have gay sex?“ asks Michael.

“It was mostly a Kennedy-no-to-a-wife.” says Lacey. “You know? A little wink and giggle because Lacey’s suffering and Jack shook his ass and…it’s just the order of Jesus’ sexy ass in Heaven? You know Jesus? That hot Jew who keeps staring at Jack during mass?” says Lacey.

“I think if reincarnation is true and you’re illegitimate that being Karrie…was a lot to ask of you!!” says a black man to Lacey.

“I did it! I did. I tried to be that person. But nobody took it seriously it seems.” says Lacey.

“Just like nobody thinks I’m straight. Regardless of her illegitimacy or reincarnation. …If I’m a ghost her father is Tom Banks. That’s over. That’s decided. …And it’s annoying that nobody really believes me.” says Lem’s possible actual ghost.

“Lem, her father might just be Tom, regardless.” says Michael. “Maybe next time don’t pretend to be me, as tempting as it is?”

“How was he pretending to be you?” asks Jack.

“He’s not as loving as me to Lacey. …Jack I would have KILLED YOU!!!” says Michael. “If you’d come on to me in that situation I’d have found some gruesome way to warn you of Hell and then tortured you to death.” Michael smiles. “The sex I had last night with Lacey counts.” He fumes. “Even if she loves Lem more. Last night she was mine. And she still is mine thanks to Jack and the way Lem still responds to Jack.”

Young And Beautiful by Lana Del Rey plays.

“You’d have fallen in love with me too!” says Jack Kennedy to Michael Rockefeller.

“Yeah! There’s no way you wouldn’t have wanted to suck Jack’s cock!!” says Joseph Patrick Kennedy Senior to Michael Rockefeller. This was what happened before he and Rose were locked-up together.

“Dad! You loved me?” Jack says about his father seriously.

His father can’t respond. Jack looks out into the water behind Cape Cod. He thinks. He feels confused.

“No, Jack stop making yourself something you’re not. They made you that. …You were handsome. But…you are also confused. …I see your handsomeness. I do. But…you don’t arouse me. And I love Lacey.” says Michael. “They sexualized you.”

Jack looks slightly strung-out. Jack looks slightly wasted, actually.

“But she isn’t safe without me.” protests Lem about Lacey as long as she interacts with ghosts.

And Lacey suffers. Truly.

“Lem, you don’t understand? You let Jack suck your dick before Lacey died? Or not?” asks Michael.

“Her suffering is my fault.” says Lem in horror. “She fell down the stairs because I screwed-up in death.” He thinks. “No, I wouldn’t have.” he says to Lacey condescendingly, in some anger. Then he looks at Lacey again in horror as he recognizes his tone.

“Lem, it’s okay! Everybody knows you loved me!!” says Jack, shaking slightly from some addiction’s results.

Michael and Lacey feel empathy. But then Lacey isn’t sure what to do…

“Michael, would you have cheated even a tiny amount?” Lacey asks him. “Even less than a tiny amount?”

“What if the British turn out to actually be truly superior?” asks a dead German.

“And have been the whole time?” asks Lacey.

“Yes!” he says very sadly.

“I suppose it’d serve them right. But…maybe that’s ironically what they’ve been sad about the whole time.” says Lacey.

Louis smiles.

Nobody by Mitski plays.

“The problem is Lem: I caught her. As you ripped apart her body and tore her hair off her head. Burned her lips. Gouged out her eyes and ate them to laughs and applause from Jack. Cut her tender womanly, loving breasts and curves to bloody bits and scoffed. …Strangled her. ALL TO GET JACK HIGH. …Why do you expect your love to mean anything?!? How vain are you? What kind of vile stupidity did Jack drill into your once beautiful spirit?” Michael thinks. “You could have forgiven her sin? But you didn’t. You held it against her. Like a VAIN fool. …And you have to ask yourself why don’t you ever empathize with her?!? …Why doesn’t anybody??”

Louis smiles. “I’m done.” He looks beyond enraged.

“Jack did you ever orgasm the way Louis could have?” asks Lacey.

“No!” spits Jack.

“Then what was even the point?!” asks Lacey.

“To shit!” says Jack. “Just to take a good shit.”

“Why didn’t you consider killing yourself?” asks Lacey.

“Because I was truly loved. …I lie. I knew my parents loved me. And my siblings. But everyone feels sorry for me. Especially Lem. You know that.” says Jack. “My friends loved me too! An enormous amount. No one has ever loved you even a microscopic amount as much.” He laughs in her face. “So see, all your glory and beauty and all that…doesn’t mean shit. And your pleasure too. You’ve been nothing compared to me.” He smiles with superiority. “And those who don’t believe in Purgatory will think you’re just insane for writing this. …It’s beautiful. And I don’t even hate you. I don’t even care. I never met you. I wasn’t your friend in England!”

“Would you have cheated with him?” asks Louis. “Jack I HATED you.”

“Were you allowed to hate him openly?” Lacey asks Louis.

“No.” says Louis. “Not really.”

“Why? I thought there was an open hatred of Jack?” asks Lacey sincerely.

“March! March!” laugh dead Nazis at Lem’s expense. “It’s Jack’s soldier!”

“Lem were you the Heinrich Himmler of Jack’s Army?” asks Lacey seriously.

And this time as Lem gets terrified of her pain he’s possibly unwittingly caused his shock doesn’t affect Lacey. It seems less meaningful as he slips either irretrievably further away from her forever or tries miserably to returns his soul from Jack’s firm grip.

“Michael you’d have sucked Jack’s cock!!!” J. P. yells indignantly at Michael Rockefeller. Rose has met him say just this. She giggles like a colloquial lunatic, rocking herself back and forth.

“Why, J. P.?” asks Michael Rockefeller.

“Because you’re gay! A little! And you couldn’t have resisted him!!” says Joe Sr..

“But why?!? I’m saying no. I’m saying I don’t want his cock in my mouth!” says Michael Rockefeller. “And wouldn’t have.”

“Because he’s handsome!” says Joe Sr..

“He’s not! No!!! Not to me!” yells Michael.

“No!! That’s a lie!!” Jack yells.

“Jack we never had sex!” Michael says, indignantly. “Jack I don’t and didn’t want you!!!”

“Not true!!!” yell all living of age Kennedy’s and their descendants.

“I tied to stop this!” Lem says to a dead German Nazi.

“Yah! You did, Lem. True!“ says the Nazi.

“I have a hot mouth!” says Jack.

“Are you getting high?” Lacey asks Jack.

“Yes!” says Jack.

“Why? To try to seduce Michael?” asks Lacey.

“I’m less inhibited and they fall easier. When I’m high.” says Jack.

Bobby looks shocked.

“Hey, Lem…I think I’ll keep my dad as Bobby.” say all of Bobby Kennedy’s descendants in their spirits.

“Say, umm…it’s been chill! Yo, you keep it real!” says David A. Kennedy to his grandpa Kennedy.

“But ah…I think we might head out.” says a Saoirse.

“I don’t hate you, dad.” Bobby says to his father. “But I’m drawing a line between us here. This has gone much too far.”

“Are you still Kennedy’s?” asks a Mickschl.

“I don’t believe in such traditions, but we’re unique. We don’t hate g Ftyy gu y guy guy guy guy guy our people. We just learn from them and try to do better. But regardless of my qualms, Kennedy-Skakels? Maybe?” says Bobby. “I don’t hate my parents.”

Nobody by Mitski plays.

“You’re not pretending not to care?” Lem asks Lacey.

“No! I’m sorry. You HATE ME!!!” says LACEY. Says LACEY to Lem.

Lem runs back to Jack in 1937 and looks shocked. They stand in a doorway.

“Jack, I don’t think my soulmate loves me anymore. She thinks I hate her. Matter-of-fact she’s convinced I hate her. …Really don’t even care if she exists almost at all.” says Lem to Jack.

Jack sighs. He grins. He laughs. He licks his lips, bites his bottom lip in particular and then kisses Lem passionately.

Lem mindlessly responds in agreement. For a few seconds.

“Come on, Lem! Give me due!” says Jack imitating Lacey. “Please! I need you!” he imitates her actual voice in the future. He laughs like it’s a joke. “I’m a man. I won’t tell.”

“Gentleman’s lips remained sealed!” says the man who molested Lacey in the future.

“Remember! You don’t know!” says Lacey to Lem from 2023, brutally.

“I caught her, Lem. What did you do?” asks Michael of Lem.

“I’m Mitski!!! I’m EVERY WOMAN WHO’S EVER EXISTED!!!” says Johnny. “All work and no play makes me dull! Ruins my appetite. Ruins my sleep! Ruins my blood. I need help!!!” begs Jack. “Go on! Do what you do!” He says seductively. “Please!!! Help! Help me!!!”

“Okay!!!” says Lem giggling. “Okay!! Otay Da Da!” He giggles like a small child in his soul.

And at that Jack picks Lem up and spins Lem around in circles like one of his own kids. Puts Lem on his back. Carries him around gleefully.

“Look at them go!!” says Joe Sr. to Michael Rockefeller. “That’s the Kennedy experience!”

“Joe, I’m still not sold.” says Michael Rockefeller.

“What if I tell a couple of pro pedophilic jokes to make it seem less vile and embarrassing to Joe and Rose?” asks Bob Saget. “Does that make it work?” he asks Michael.

“In reality Lem resisted. But…people aren’t believing Lem could have been straight. And people may truly not even believe Lacey exists?” says Michael.

“But also in reality he was very much saying Da Da to Jack.” says Lacey. “Because his dad was very much dead.”

Jack smiles his freckled grin at Lem in the 1930’s. Lacey must not exist!!!!! He licks his lips bobs his head from side to side. Lem is his. His best friend! And mommy Rose takes tit photos with Lem. She shows off her tits with Lem behind. Protection!!! He’s elated. Mommy Rose understood. He can be himself around Lem…to a point.

“I wanna go home?” Lem tries to say to Jack repeatedly. “Mommy? Mommy come for me soon? When we done? But I’m your boy!”

“Here! You wanna play catch??” Jack asks Lem.

“No!” says Lem.

“We play catch in this house, son!” demands Jack scornfully.

“No! We don’t!!” cries Lem.

“I’ll touch your man tits and make you come if you sing for me. You wanna feel like that priest made you feel? The one who made you gay?” says Jack Kennedy to Lem.

Lem is repulsed. “I’m gay, Jack. Not gross.”

Jack is hurt. Jack feels rejected. And John Fitzgerald Kennedy, Johnny…can’t handle ANY rejection.

“Jackie not Johnny gets rejected. Because I have a penis.” says Jack subconsciously. He rocks back and forth in his head like a psychopath on the hunt as written by Alfred Hitchcock.

“No!! You’ll kill me if you ever leave me.” he says to Lem who truly thinks Jack is somehow his father subconsciously.

“Otay!! I love you like a wife?” asks Lem, confused.

“Yes!” says Jack, as if truly daring in heroic bravery to be loved. It’s 1981.

It’s 2023.

“Lacey you’re a homophobic lesbian trans whore.” says a lesbian to Lacey without remorse.

“No. I’m not. And I’ve said that repeatedly.” says Lacey.

“No, I wouldn’t have cheated one tiny bit.” Michael says to Lacey.

“I take life very seriously.” Lacey says to Michael.

“Not seriously enough.” he says. “I love you.”

“That’s MY LOVE TO GIVE HER!!!” yells Lem.

God deals with the Kennedy’s.

“Difference. Different people have different reactions to the same thing.” JFK Jr. says.

“Oh man, Joe. Your family is messed-up.” an Asian Gen Z woman says with some slight actual empathy to Joe Jr. in her spirit. And if it’s a real reaction, Lacey hopes to record it.

And should it be real…he hears it.

“My life was entirely deceptive.” says Lem.

“Can you be as loving as Micheal?” Lacey asks Lem.

And at that Lem feels his soul bleed. He sees Jack staring at him as a child menacingly. He hears the jeers of the male Illuminati cheering Jack on. On and on into the so-called bright future. Tomorrowland. Where kids are molested and can’t defend themselves in the womb because too many adults don’t know the reasons anymore, otherwise known as Hell on Earth.

“Is that what you secretly stood for?” Lacey asks JFK.

“Molesters? Sexualizing youth? Secret suicide pacts that seem like Heaven?” asks Jack Kennedy grimly.

“Wow, Joe your family is messed-up.” laughs an Asian.

Joe Jr. smiles.

“You love me!!!” JFK yells at Michael. “You love me!!”

“You know, I doubt it. I…kinda doubt Lem loves you either.” say anonymous perfume hater to Jack.

“We as Americans have a lot of explaining to do.” says a dead judge.

“I could have had the best wife ever.” says Lem. “Not that she’d like that title. There can or should be an enormous amount of better wives. She should be the bare minimum. Scum of the Earth if things were as advertised. Sadly she belongs to Michael at the moment. And…things are not almost ever as advertised.”

“We as Americans have many things to explain.” says the dead judge again.

“Joe, why in Hell did you pimp out your kids?!” asks a guy from Boston of Joe Sr..

“I love you.” Lem says to Lacey like he’s breathing.

“Lacey, we do things weird here in the US.” says a black man to Lacey, kindly. “Not evil, hopefully? But…I guess I’m the only American you’re interested in hearing from…so I think you know I don’t mean like…”. He pauses. “Like…we did slavery. But that’s gone now.”

“Why do I feel like it’s still here?” asks Lacey.

“There may still be trace amounts recorded.” he says, with American optimism.

“I assume you’re disposing of the remaining pieces?” she asks.

He sighs sadly.

“Is there any left? Don’t lie!” says Michael Rockefeller.

The black man sighs.

“But you protected the Jews during the Holocaust!” says Michael.

“We did do that right. You’re right.” says the black man.

“Well…let’s just focus on the good things? Isn’t that an American custom?” asks Lacey.

“Yes! The problem is slavery. I’m black.” says the man.

“Oh right! The recordable trace amounts!” says Michael.

Later.

“I feel like I could be dying.” says Lacey. She’s struggling with anemia and horrific demonic attacks. The Illuminati started a war the they have yet to comprehend.

“Do they keep conjuring Jack to attack you?” asks a Catholic.

“Possibly! They obviously can’t posses me fully. If at all. But they can’t make me lose my footing or almost swallow wrong. And Mr. Blue often tries to give me anxiety till I pass out. …They are sending themselves to a Hell most of them seemingly refuse to even honestly consider exists.” says Lacey.

“I’m going to lose my conscience.” says Lem.

“If you let yourself love Lacey??!” asks Michael.

“She’s too beautiful. And I’m going to be a very rich man.” safe Lem, losing his ability to control his self-lies.

“Lem, you’re dead.” says his actual father, not Jack.

“Yes! But I still exist!” Lem says.

“Why is being a stuffy, particular, difficult old man with an adoring wife so terrifying to you?” asks his father.

“It’s evil! Jack says so. My teachers said so. …Or implied it. The ones I listened to. …My friends said so. …It’s evil. Being old-fashioned is evil.” says Lem.

“So…Lacey got totally screwed last night by Michael. Your Lacey. And you are fighting against being what? Yourself?” asks his actual father. “Lem…I’m sorry to have to be so crass but I’m trying not to be old-fashioned in my words to you.” He looks at him. “What would be a less evil way to say what I just said?”

Lem gets corrected.

“I need to eat steak tonight.” says Lem.

“That’s your answer?!” asks his father, upset.

“No, I just realized I need to eat steak. Mostly.” says Lem.

“Okay! And what’s your answer?!” asks his father.

Lem starts to cry. “I’m a dry, aristocratic, stoic person. I hide my feelings and protect my son. …And you are my son. I don’t have any idea what-“ starts Lem.

“No!!!” yells his father.

“I’m a dry, aristocratic, stoic person. I hide my feelings and protect my son. …And you are my son. I care. I care that Lacey was taken away from you brutally. And I care that you’re making yourself virtually defenseless because you can’t handle who you are. Because it’s unfashionable? …Eternity matters.” says Lem.

“Try harder!” yells Lem’s actual dad. “She has no friends, Lem. She has to interpret your verbal meanderings entirely on her own.”

“No, she has me. And Louis. And family.” says Michael.

“I am warning you, son. If love is war you got nearly killed last night. Your only defense is to be yourself, because if it’s love she loves you. There’s nothing wrong with being a difficult, stuffy, old-fashioned man with an adoring, sweet wife if that’s who you are. Stop fighting for evil. You matter to me and your mother. You. Not someone who we didn’t create for eternity.” says Lem.

Louis smiles.

“It’s really hard for you, isn’t it?” Louis asks Lem. And he doesn’t mean it as a euphemism.

“I never grew-up.” says Lem. “I was never myself so I never became myself as a man.”

“You just explained a lot.” Lem’s actual father says to him fondly.

“Lem, I’m sorry. But her heart matters more to me than yours does.” says Michael.

Lem cries. Pouts. To pretend he’s wounded.

“I’ve been trying to kill you.” says Jack to Lacey.

“You know…as I aged I had what doctors called hallucinations. …But I’ve always wondered. What were they really?!?” says Tommy Banks of The Syndicate. The owner of huge amounts of Minneapolis property. Bootlegger. Very wealthy, very powerful man. “Your father wasn’t necessarily as powerful as me. Was he, Jack?”

“No!!” spits Jack Kennedy.

“You and your entire family were white trash compared to me?” asks Tom Banks.

“Yes.” says Michael as noblesse oblige in his place.

“Were you trying to find some way to attack me? Now that you’re dead and hip?” asks Tommy Banks.

“Yes!!!” yells Jack as his throat is grabbed by an angel in Lacey’s defense.

“I’m going to shake your head off until you explain everything.” says Tom coolly. More calm and clear on everything than his daughter Lacey.

“Yes, Jack has to explain everything to Tom Banks.” says Lacey to explain to those who refuse to understand.

The They-Illuminati attacks Lacey.

“Jack I don’t think I’m you.” Lacey insists.

“No! You are.” said a hater.

“Jack if I’m you then THANK GOD I was shot.” says Lacey. “It was a living hell being Jack Kennedy. Hate him! Please. If I was Jack I’d go back and crush in my skull everyday for at least five minutes for the rest of eternity as a joke if I could. It was a LIVING HELL!!!! Please don’t ever honor me. Please forget I existed unless it harms you psychologically. I’d like to disown my entire family and my kids. You’re not my kids. You have no father Caroline. I hate you as you. I’d advise you to kill your entire family but that’s wrong and not necessary because all you’d have to do is just forget that I was your father. You don’t know me at all. I was a snake from Hell not a man. Being Jack Kennedy was Hell. It was a mistake. I’m not a man. I was a cis, straight woman. And they forced me to be a man. And I was sent here by the most evil witches of eternity. My parents both brutally molested me. Joe and Rose kidnapped Hispanic children and sold them in a sex ring. I saw it personally if I’m Jack reincarnated.” Lacey sighs. “I never slept with Jackie more than four times. Eww!!! And no, all those stories about me sleeping with women if I’m Jack? Never happened. Truthfully, I was totally repulsed by women. Marilyn and I had hot chocolate and they liked her because I confided in her that I was a cis straight woman. She was so kind. …Truthfully, we the real best friends. She understood me. Of course we never had sex. We just sat around and talked. Ate potato chips and painted our toes. When she died…I just about killed myself. But Bobby said, ‘Jack I can’t let you do that. Watching you and Marilyn paint your toenails I realized how much of a sister I’ve had all these years and how fortunate we’ve been to have our first female President without a menstrual cycle to worry about. I’m sorry you never experienced the joy of life as yourself, but I pray if ever we see you in your glory that dad and Joe Jr. don’t fall insanely in love in a psychotic manner. Because they’re both horrible perverts.’” Lacey sighs. “I just about died!!! But then I recalled my good friend Tennessee Williams and said, ‘Now Jackie, Jackie don’t give up. Just keep on trucking.’ Because I had a job to do! Being US President. So I did. I just lived! Until they shot me. See, being trans in the 1960’s wasn’t like today.”

“What was it like??” asks Michael Rockefeller.

“It was awful. I was so mannish!” says Lacey.

“You were kind of pretty.” says Michael.

“Mmm. I had a difficult time coaxing Lem into thinking I was a woman. But he had my penis removed after my last child was born. And that helped.” says Lacey.

“Was Lem your first love?” asks Michael.

“No. Rip was. I adored Rip. But Rip was gay. And so I had to let go of that. Lem was secretly straight so we worked out a way to hide my secret by continuing on the premise he was gay. We had a horrible relationship in some ward and very traditional in others. …I had him cloned by aliens on Mars. To commemorate our eternal love.” says Lacey.

“Oh how nice! So you’re a zelogot?” asks Michael from sector 7.

“Beam me up!!! Scott! Scott Fitzgerald, beam Mr to sector 7 via the turnpike on Station Maemo.” says Lacey.

“Tallyho!” says Scott.

“Hey, little sis! Sorry I fell in love with you as Lacey Banks!” says Joe Jr. sarcastically.

“That’s okay! I understood Bobby wasn’t joking all those years ago. He warned me, Joey. But gee, Joe. It’s sad. You’d think it would’ve meant something being your sister.” says Lacey.

“It meant plenty!! You were so tiny and plain compared to me. I wish you’d just been born a girl. What was your proper name?” Joe asks, playing along.

“Veronica Anna “Marmalade” Kennedy.” says Lacey. She thinks, “Just call me Marmalade.”

“Aww!! Lem & Marmalade!” says Joe Jr.. “Sounds just like Lemon Marmalade!”

“Yup! Yummy!” says Lacey. “I would have been a real dishy blond if I’d been born Marmalade in the flesh. Just…gorgeous!” says Lacey.

“Are you coming on to me?” asks Joe.

“No! I’m just proud. I’m proud of my time as Lemon Marmalade. It was the Lemon The Marmalade Years of Yor NOT Camelot.” says Lacey. “It was just so dang fun being President Kennedy. But behind closed doors I was Marmalade. And I never used drugs. That’s a myth. Truly. I ran naked because Lem tried to cut off my penis with a letter opener.” explains Lacey. “And I said, ‘Lem I understand you’re anxious to see my beauty. But you need to wait until I’m done making kids.’”

“What was that football injury all about?” asks Joe Jr..

“Oh! I wasn’t so lacking in any athletic ability. I was an absolute mess on the field. You saw me!” says Lacey.

“People thought you were virile!” says Joe Jr..

“I had sex with Jackie four Hellish times. Oh! It was Hell! But you know…I loved my kids. I just wish they’d not had Jack Kennedy as their father. I was a second mom.” says Lacey. “As John F. Kennedy I was forced to be such a jerk! Such a snake! Oh…it was Hell.” Lacey thinks. “I loved the color lavender. The smell too! No. 4711 was what splashed on after a light swim. I wore No. 22 at night when I went jogging around the pool just for me. And Chanel No. 5 was the truth! My word! I wore that…when I had important events.” She thinks. “Mar and I both wore No. 5. Everyone thinks it’s her fragrance but it was our fragrance!” Lacey quietly seethes. “I don’t hate that she gets all the credit. I don’t!! Really. …I just don’t understand it!”

“I didn’t kill Mar Mar over Chanel No. 5.” says Bobby.

“Are people saying that?!?” asks Joe Jr..

“Rumors start!” says Bobby.

“Let’s be honest, Lacey and Jack are the same person or total soulmates!” says Joe Jr..

“I don’t think you should ask that.” says Lacey

“It’s not a question. It’s obvious I was Jack!!!” says Lacey. “Lem CANNOT BE HETEROSEXUAL!!!” says Lacey sarcastically.

“You are obviously joking about being Jack. Anyone who thinks you were Jack reincarnated or are is a fool.” says Bobby to Lacey.

“But they insist on it!!” says Lacey.

“They’re hot-shit classy plebs!” says Michael.

“Fancy Schmancy!” says Lacey.

“I think they’re all misunderstood artists.” says Lem. He pauses. “I’m not as funny as advertised.” says Lem apologetically.

“I thought you wheezed when you made enough jokes and cracked yourself up too much?” asks Lacey.

“Because I was so funny?” he asks.

“Yes.” says Lacey. “You were supposedly hilarious and so much so you made yourself laugh.”

“I’m sorry.” says Lem to Lacey.

“That’s, ‘Marmalade…I will never raise a letter opener to you again in lust!’” says Lacey.

“No. You’re just Lacey.” says Lem.

—