Lacy or Lacey

(Adult content below)

Golden Light by STRFKR plays.

When Lacey first considered naming herself Lacey she wasn’t sure whether it should be Lacey or Lacy. She felt her father might prefer the spelling Lacy. But she preferred the added letter e.

The problem is…why. Why is Lacy possibly more correct? Is it a reference to Lucy? Or did her father like the name Lucy for her but she liked Lacey. Lucille. …It’s Lacey now either way. Lacey likes the letter e.

And this morning she realized something… Lem, should Purgatory exist, misses her. He’s actually miserable without her. But it’s not quite like Jack… It’s more like Philip and Elizabeth.

For as long as Elizabeth was single, alive…Lacey had a strong sense that Philip was miserable without her. People were confused, but Lacey insisted he was terribly unhappy without her. Lacey insisted that he was ready to snatch Elizabeth out of herself every second and run off with her. 

Lacey felt that Philip had had an enormous revelation upon death and that all the qualms he’d had with his wife while alive were not resolved but made foolish. It was as if Elizabeth as a person made profound sense. She seemed unspeakably…gorgeous. And he couldn’t contain himself. God had to force him to. But it was almost painful for him on every level he exists on.

“I feel like he could snatch her away. Any second. And she could literally be sitting in Parliament and he might be overcome with emotion and accidentally kill her.” said Lacey to the non-They-Illuminati in early spring of 2021. The Non-They.

I think people think Elizabeth was just old. But she was also still Elizabeth. And they were in love. And Philip and Elizabeth could both be profound. They were an extraordinarily beautiful couple.

Elizabeth demurred. She had doubts. Philip had a reputation…

“But I felt his love for her. It felt sad, and contrite and restless.” says Lacey. “So restless.”

It was as if Philip had found out horrible news. But beautiful news. The news being that Elizabeth really was his everything. Not in a pagan way of course, but…she was it. And he wanted nothing more than to apologize possibly endlessly to Elizabeth for every dumb or vile thing he’d ever done. Perfectly apologize, but quickly too so as to prevent any further suffering.

Would Elizabeth even like him? Yes! He knew it. Matter-of-fact it was awful to wait.

Image of a 30-something eternal Philip sitting in a car, rain drops falling on the glass. He sits behind the wheel. He’d been driving, thinking, listening to music to distract himself. But in that second in some sort of Purgatory…he could barely stand it. And it was as if his pain became something amazing. Some sort of testament to God and a requiem for the tragic fall of man…and a dim, melancholy hope still lit in Philip’s heart based on everything humans can and should be and will be with the salvation Christ offers. And there were no wars. And all was truly well. And Elizabeth…was his everything.

It’s awful for us here in the land of the living to not have Queen Elizabeth II still with us. But Philip must be ecstatic.

And that’s the problem Lacey may face. In a way. Apparently.

Because…if the Illuminati exists…they’ve possibly connected her deeply into the supernatural. When it first started Lacey literally worried she’d genuinely died and gone to Hell. It was terrifying. She kept running through her every memory trying to recall when she could have died. And she couldn’t place any moment… She spent time touching walls trying to see if she could move through them. …She thought her ex-husband possibly had poisoned her. She involved her family in regard to her ex-husband because she truly was terrified. Eventually she found her way into doctor’s offices and they couldn’t diagnose her with anything but clinical depression. It was comforting but also horrifying.

“Why horrifying?!?” asks Prince Philip, sarcastically.

Because Lacey couldn’t stand her new revelation of social class. Why was everything okay? Why??? …She had discovered the Illuminati and…oddly…it was as if she was floating. Floating about as money appeared, people tried to suffocate her supernaturally and God protected her. And the They couldn’t figure out how to kill her. The They panicked. The They still are overwhelmed, overwrought and floundering. People who are possibly still alive while dead shouldn’t exist. Not with money. Not so stubborn and conservative and Christian. Not so feminine. Not so educated without a “good” degree. Not so blunt when angered. Not so liberal intellectually. Not soo defiant. …But the English weren’t overwhelmed. Perplexed at first. …But in time they sorted it all out. And now it’s just fascinating…because Christianity is WILD. Christianity is…FIERCE. …Ferocious in fact. It is…EVERYTHING.

And of course the English aren’t perfect. They are not. …No. But they did make sense. To Lacey. And to Lacey that meant an enormous amount. Why is up to the God of the Bible to explain in Heaven to you.

“But as the dust settled thanks to China, Russia, North Korea, and parts of Europe including Great Britain…Lacey has had death to face.” says Lem. “Should she be alive…and the Illuminati exist…whatin the world…is death?!?” He thinks. “Surely suicide is wrong. But…does it do anything anyway?” He laughs. “If the afterlife is just a dream…suicide is grim but reasonable for some they imagine. But for Lacey it’s…bizarre at this point. It’s not as if she’ll continue suffering from other people’s sin. God doesn’t allow that. …But if I’m a ghost I feel like her dead, anguished husband who went first. I feel like Philip. And Michael feels like that. And Louis struggles. And Elliott Roosevelt just…doesn’t like it.” Lem smiles. “Her mother cries.” He forces a smile. “But what are we even?!? She doesn’t know.” He smiles. “Are we demons? Are we ghosts? Where are we. Purgatory is an old Christian tradition that’s gone out of fashion. But…what if those English who once believed in it were actually accurate? Not the current theologians.” He thinks. “Her map makes no sense.” He smiles. “And it makes our torture far worse!” He cries over the living. “I’m sorry for what I did! I’m sorry!!! I confused you. And I’m more sorry than I can communicate.”

“And what does that mean? It’s horrible to sort it out when Mr. Blue and his crew INSIST in real fascism…that they HAVE to be right or they’ll kill you. They’ll rip you apart using your real conscience.” says Lacey. “Progress isn’t YOU!!!” Lacey yells at VILE Boomers who only want to rape her like rabid DOGS. She seethes. “You are RABID though. You poor things.”

“The problem is…the problem is.” says Philip.

“And as the train crisis is shuffled under the rug…the They still don’t seem to be literally cognitively capable of understanding.” says Lacey. “Every time I explain rationally they just scoff stubbornly making it a tug of war. It’s like dealing with deranged adults who all think think they’re my demon possessed children at age 2, but I HAVE NO DEMON POSSESSED CHILDREN.” She calms herself. “If I did this would not be how it would work out. Because they’d be my kids!” She calms herself. “Stop making this a stupid war of wills.” she says to the They. “You are NEVER going to win with me.” She pleads. “Stop trying to conquer my soul. YOU NEVER WILL!!!!!!” She fumes. “That’s almost a promise, NOT a dare. GET A CLUE!”

They can’t handle it. They can’t.

“What is their beef with you?” a Native American woman asks Lacey.

“I don’t even know. But it seems to be irrational, stupid and based entirely on their hurt egos.” says Lacey.

“They can’t handle their power. It’s genuinely way too much for them. And they’re incompetent.” says the Native American woman to Lacey. “Evil has existed. But I suspect they’re uniquely stupid.” She ponders a bit more. “Possibly uniquely stupid, frail and most importantly: arrogant.”

“Do you channel them or do they just talk to you?” asks a witch not in the Illuminati somehow.

“She channels them through us.” says Louis, angry. “If we’re real ghosts…God has allowed us to do what psychics pretend to be doing but in reality. In her defense.”

The They rouse Christians who don’t believe in Purgatory to attack Lacey. It doesn’t quite work. But it works just enough for Lacey to feel misunderstood and alienated from those churches.

“Anyway, the problem is, the more you get tossed around down stairs the more Lem and Louis and Michael have to fight to keep from killing you. Because for all you know, God does occasionally give that right to ghosts.” says Philip to Lacey. “At least, in a way.”

“Or your family.” says Queen Elizabeth II.

“But if Purgatory exists…it’s a matter of caring for everyone involved. Including those who are too cognitively impaired at this point to fully comprehend their own evil.” says Louis. “Mr. Blue chose to start something with Lacey. He gets lots of female attention and he chose her. And every bullshit excuse he can conjure doesn’t fix that. …The They need to understand that his wife isn’t safe. He’s not normal. They can’t rely on her to be their brains or conscience. Mr. Blue can’t defend himself and his accomplices can’t either. If that’s his wife and Batgirl III…they too are trying to murder Lacey for flirting with a potentially rightfully married man.”

“That’s the moral premise they use to kill her.” says the Native American woman laughing.

“Why did you think he was possibly not rightfully married?!” asks a Gen Z woman, trying to take their premise at all seriously for a punishment of death.

“Because he seemed so despondent and lonely when he described his marriage on camera. And I’d had a crush on him over the years. And so…when I followed him and he kept’s complex. But essentially he used psychic powers to communicate and flirt because he had probably felt flattered and wanted to indulge. …And…it baffled me.” says Lacey. “It still scares and baffles me.”

“And you were too pretty for Batgirl III and his wife to handle. And yet very old fashioned in a way we don’t talk about nor fully hhhhhhhhhhhhunderstand. And seemingly it became an issue of social class because they didn’t know how to process that angle and they were too narcissistically insulted.” says a Gen X woman. “And basically you’re too batshit drunk on power to understand the situation like normal humans.” says the woman to Mr. Blue.

“Or they were trying to sacrifice her sad it went wrong.” says another witch.

“It could also have been just an accident on Lacey’s part. And they really are struggling just because of Lacey.” says the first woman.

“Why though?!? Because she’s rich!? Or because she’s too smart? Or because she’s one of them reincarnated?” asks the second witch.

“Too smart?!” asks Summertime Sadness, previously known as The Charismatic. “I think it’s because she’s a Christian.”

They all grow silent.

“But how did it start?!” asks the first woman.

Summertime Sadness struggles with this part of reality, possibly. And no, that’s not a reference to evolution.

“You didn’t even mean to approach Mr. Blue. Did you?” asks the witch.

“No! I mean…when one writes flirt comments on an official celebrity account’s posts who always wonder if they’re actually reading them and possibly if it’s smaller account that’s more likely. But…you don’t anticipate real communication. Maybe. But not like…as something to ponder seriously.” Lacey fumes thinking of the dumb bullshit They have tried to construct to make her evil. “Of course being possibly good-looking I might have been noticed by a singer at a concert or two or whatever. And so it’s not totally impossible in my experience. But…I really only hashtagged him and followed him.” She thinks. “I think he must have just had too much of an ego trip from my attention, albeit dim, to not lose his shit and try to have fun by playing with his new found powers.” She thinks. “I think he felt very cool.”

“So he felt really, really cool. Before all this happened. But you saying you had a crush on him went to his head and he lost it?” says the first woman.

“Yes.” says the witch laughing. “Honestly he had a Gatsby moment. And he just…felt untouchable.”

“Does he realize that he’s only a celebrity not a Gilded Age oil baron?!?” asks the first woman.

“Possibly not.” says Lacey.

“No, but I have connections.” Hu hi says Mr. Blue like he’s won the game. “There’s a reason she fell down the stairs!” he says supremely.

“Wow!!!” says the Native American woman to Mr. Blue.

“So…your lack of depth doesn’t concern you?” asks the first woman of Mr. Blue.

“No! I’m deep. I’m probably deeper than you! So is my wife!” he says. “I don’t usually talk like this but umm I’m genuinely kind of a big deal.”

“Shut-up, Big Green, you’re making me horny!” says Mrs. Blue. Batgirl III waits her turn to get Big Green’s attention.

“Oh wow!! You two have a great sex life??” asks the first woman of the Blues.

“It’s amazing.” says Mr. Blue.

“Actually, ours was. We really had something. We did. Didn’t we?” Batgirl III says chewing gum obnoxiously.

Mr. Blue smiles. He feels extremely elite.

“I understand my husband needs sex.” says Mrs. Blue without any irony. She stole this psychological defense from “Sex And The City.” It’s a reference to Samantha.

“So Lacey wasn’t allowed though?” asks a perfume hater.

The Bat Crew hates this topic.

“We hate that Mr. Blue lost his shit over her. It’s really an ego issue. …He really lost his shit. Embarrassingly so. Like…his nerd side shinned. But she didn’t know that until just right now.” says a friend of the Bat Crew. The Bat Crew being comprised of Batgirl III and Mr. and Mrs. Blue.

“She being Lacey?” asks the first woman.

“Yes!” says the BC friend. Bat Crew being BC.

“So…how is that at all rational or mature??” asks The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“It’s not. But we have so much work to do. It gets super stressful…and…we require a little extra at times. It’s about being elite.” says Mr. Blue. “We are the elite.”

“Are you being serious or?” asks the witch of Mr. Blue.

“Ha! I’m being honest. Why are you stunned?” asks Mr. Blue. He laughs an open-mouthed laugh.

“Because you sound like an idiot!!!” says the witch to Mr. Blue.

“That’s not fair!!! That’s not nice.” says Batgirl III in Mr. Blue’s passionately in defense to the witch.

“Hmm. You like power!!” the witch says to the Bat Crew.

They grin proudly.

“I like sex!” says Batgirl III.

The witch laughs. “You’re really cool aren’t you?!” she says seriously but patronizingly to Batgirl III.

Batgirl III seethes, hurt.

“You’re a nerd.” says the witch to Batgirl III.

“Lacey is the nerd!!” says Mr. Blue.

“So you’re punishing Lacey for being just as smart as you but not nerdy.” says the witch. “And beautiful and etc..”

“Fair enough!” says Mr. Blue like a pragmatic genius in his self-perception.

“We are the victims!” says Batgirl III in her spirit. “We are the victims! Life isn’t fair. And we are the ones who suffer for our sins.” She seems to be trying to argue against Christ. “See…it’s not that we don’t like Christ. It’s just that we don’t need him. He’s like Michael. He’s unnecessary. We are victims. But we are also victims.” Batgirl III takes a deep breath to try to explain to the sheeple. “The first sort of victim is vulnerable and human and in need of redemption for their sins. We don’t sin. We are victims of our unAmerican, classist, ignorant shortcomings.” She sighs. “It’s very elite. Try to keep up with me. I’m cool. Remember?!?” She sighs. “I was wronged at birth! Lacey magically made us all inferior. Because she’s…an evil goddess. And…she controls lightbulbs.”

“Huh.” says the witch. “So how does she control lightning?”

“Because we are in the Illuminati! We know what’s possible.” says Batgirl III.

“God controls things but can’t violate free will. I may have connections. But I certainly can’t control every lightbulb directly.” explains Lacey. Scott is losing his temper.

“I mean, life’s not fair. I relate.” says the witch losing her ability to continue objectively. “I hate Lacey too.”

“But why is it her fault? You had that and then lost it.” says Harold Loeb.

“Harold? You like Lacey? Ugly bitch she is! Fat whore!!” says the witch losing more control.

Batgirl III grins. “Huh. Yeah, we are more powerful through our witchcraft than you.” she says to the mere witch about the Illuminati.

“What if we kill Lacey?” says one of the wizards.

Batgirl III looks upset.

“Why are we blaming Lacey?” asks the witch.

“Because it’s…it’s…hot sex?” wonders Batgirl III in confusion she tries to hide for fear it makes her appear vulnerable.

Hot sex?!?” asks Summertime Sadness laughing.

“Yes! Go on!!” demands the witch of Batgirl III.

“It’s like I see a man who admittedly may look like Michael Rockefeller…on a golf course waiting for Lacey.” she says grimly.

The witch has to take a minute. (She may be laughing)

“But Michael loves Lacey. …I’m saying that in Christ.” says Summertime Sadness. “And Lem loves Lacey.” He thinks. “And if that’s true…Louis probably does too. But I think Lacey needs prayer. Because you guys are like…not in touch with reality.” he says to the Illuminati.

“Funny how the English still stand for truth.” says another Christian.

“I might not be an Englishman reincarnated. But it’s an honor to even think it’s remotely possible of my mind.” says Michael Rockefeller.

“Michael are you…umm…a ghost?” ask a group of Catholics.

“Yes!” he seemingly says.

“Are some psychics actually just slightly dead?!” they ask Lacey. “And that explains their so-called ability? …Which means, if that’s true, we shouldn’t be encouraging them to talk to ghosts. …Not because it’s necromancy but because it’s dangerous to their safety or other people’s safety. And…it’s possibly messing with Purgatory.”

“Okay, but let’s be cautious not to assume we understand how much Lacey does deserve some sympathy.” says Summertime Sadness.

“As in she deserves it?” asks the Catholics.

“But she didn’t care that I was legally married!” says Mr. Blue, to indicate Lacey’s evil.

“SHUT-UP!!!!” his boss yells at him. Mr. Blue balks, in defiance.

“I don’t think you understand how many times she’s asked God for forgiveness.” says his boss.

“No, no you haven’t!!” say demons to Lacey. “No, no she hasn’t.” they say to the Illuminati.

“But you can’t ask for forgiveness in our religion.” says Batgirl III.

“Even if she did it for possibly morally justifiable reasons?” asks a living Jew of Mr. Blue.

“Don’t talk to me! Who even are you?!?” asks Mr. Blue.

“He’s probably a pretty big deal if he’s a Jewish rabbi in the Illuminati.” says Lacey.

“I’m a bigger deal!!” says Mr. Blue.

“Can you tell if he’s really that dumb?” Lacey asks the witch about Mr. Blue, seriously.

“Yes. Probably.” says the witch.

Lacey goes into shock in some part of herself but you can’t tell.

“You hadn’t processed that yet?!” asks the witch asks Lacey.

“No, he seems so smart in public. And his credentials suggest it too. It’s difficult to believe.” Lacey explains, horrified but still hiding it.

“What’s so scary about it?” asks the witch.

Michael smiles.

“I think if I’m slightly dead something about that concept brings me closer to death.” Lacey says with help from God, the English and her friends and family who are dead.

“Why?!?” asks the witch.

“Because if he’s not aware of his silliness then it’s just…it kills me.” says Lacey.

“Why?” asks the witch.

“Because he shouldn’t be in charge. Of anything. That’s the first problem.” says Lacey. She thinks. “Secondly, if he is smart at all then where is he smart? In what way? And if it’s technical then it’s just… It implies that American hierarchies are totally screwed-up. And we need to stop preaching to the world about the merits of meritocracy.”

“Why?!” asks a black woman.

“Because our ways of measuring value are based solely on capitalism at the moment. They actually used to be based on honor and nobility and American meritocracy, but now it’s solely American meritocracy.” says Lacey. “It’s terrifying!”

“Can there be real old money without honor and nobility?” asks the black woman.

“Not openly.” says Lacey. “People can cosplay at it. But it’s hidden and closeted in things most angry Americans don’t want to recognize much less truly understand.” says Lacey. “In things I don’t mean pedophilia. I mean things that truly unnerve people these days to discuss.” She thinks. “That’s my opinion.”

“Like what?” she asks.

“Like my great granduncle’s title.” says Lacey.

“Your great granduncle’s rightful title bestowed by the King of Norway in 1954 was a joke. Just…a pat on the back. Being on television is far more important and old money than being knighted by the King of Norway in 1954.” says Mary Tyler Moore.

“Is there any merit to that bullshit. A slightly famous journalist told me that back in 2016. And I want to be responsible and respectful of his rightful place.” says Lacey.

“Not really.” says Mary. “No it’s still just art or entertainment or simple journalism. Making it so every journalist is like J. D. Rockefeller is…scary.”

“No, there are merits to being famous.” says Elliott Roosevelt. “But sometimes people are wildly and wholly superior and other times they just fucked when I was lonely.”

“The casting couch?” says Mary.

“Yes! Most, not all, positions in the US that include being famous involve people who are famous getting slaughtered before fame. Or they screw over someone else pre-fame. Which begs the question of merit. Is being a violent whore our current US ideal?” says Elliott.

“It’s not about honor and love?” asks Lacey in anger.

“Not currently.” says Michael.

“I just couldn’t stand her!!” says Batgirl III crying about Lacey.

“Why did anyone care?!?” Lacey asks about Batgirl III.

“I made them!!” finally admits Mr. Blue.

“And men like Wobbly thought that was just. Or he’s covering for some guy somewhere who did.” says Wobbly.

“Why in the world did that make sense?!??” asks Lacey.

“Because I seem sweet!” says Batgirl III.

“No, that’s insane. You’re a totally conceited, obnoxiously arrogant prick. I used to think you were smart but now I think you’re just totally obnoxious. …No, you being defended by Mr. Blue makes sense but you being defended by anyone else to that extent feels creepy and demonic and…possibly humorous after a certain point.” says Lacey.

“Why don’t you care about me?!?” asks Mr. Blue.

“I don’t like you almost at all even as a person. Having even a crush on you seems possibly absurd at this point.” says Lacey to Mr. Blue.

“But I loved him!” says Batgirl III.

“So you’re taking all plebs to hell on earth with you?!?!?” Summertime Sadness asks Mr. Blue.

“I love him!!” says Batgirl III.

“You seem smarter than that but then again so does he.” muses Lacey sadly.

“I’m not taking us to hell. I’m taking us to the future.” says Mr. Blue.

“Wow! Where our sins are forgiven by who?” asks Summertime Sadness.

“Me. The elite. …And we just don’t care. We’re…rich. And elite. And we…have grit. And superiority. And power. And…it just…magically works.” says Batgirl III in her spirit and mind both.

“What about death?” asks Summertime Sadness.

“You think you can challenge us?!? Big mistake!!” says Mr. Blue to Lacey. “And you’re afraid of me because I joined the Illuminati and it’s a secret society? Ha! You can’t join! And I can! So obviously I’m in a higher class. See! See! …And I can show you!! And…I’ll choke you to death! I almost just did on your last lemonade.” he says menacingly. “It’s obvious that I win!”

“Yes! Hot sex! Hot, hot sex for Lacey and me or Lacey and Lem.” says Michael Rockefeller. “Or hot sex for Louis and Lacey.”

“Or hot sex for me and Lacey!” says Mr. Blue.

“Mr. Blue how?!?” asks an Englishman.

“Because God gave the living Catholics and other Christians authority over the dead. And by extension using my genius…that means everyone has authority over the dead.” says Mr. Blue, like he’s totally won.

“Don’t expect Lacey to keep empathizing with you like you’re equals.” Michael says to Mr. Blue. “It’s not necessarily helpful to you.”

“I have authorized permission from people who claim authorities and are Satanists. It’s obviously your problem!” Mr. Blue says to Michael.

“Okay, I’m a Satanist. …I’m not afraid of offending Christ.” says a woman channeling Lacey. “I think Michael is just a little more than horny.” She laughs. “Much different than Michael being a…weak Chris.” She smiles. “It’s obvious he’s just struggling to control himself. And…it’s being used to kill Lacey lately.” she thinks. “Lem too possibly.” She thinks more. “One or the other. …And when you listen the only thing that bothers her Chris…is pedophilia. So…hopefully that’s okay with you people? …Like…don’t Christians approve of pedophilia? Or no? We never necessarily thought Jesus was big on that one. That’s a very recent idea.”

“Who’s Chris?” asks Mr. Blue.

“Aren’t you a Christian?” asks Lem of Mr. Blue. “Didn’t God give you authority over all supernatural forces? No weapon formed against you shall stand?”

“You’re invisible and can barely move things.” says Mr. Blue.

“They also are extremely important in the Illuminati.” says an English witch.

“No, they are not!” says Mr. Blue.

“Can we just…like…cancel our subscription?” asks the perfume community?

“Some not all of you?” responds the Satanist.

“I’m not Mr. Blue.” says Mr. Blue.

“Who are you?” Lacey asks him.

“I’m Batman!!!” he says in his almost demon controlled mind.

“Or are you Batgirl I?” asks Lacey

“I’m Batgirl II?” asks Mrs. Blue, like Lacey is an idiot.

“Yes!” says Lem.

“I’m not horny. I’m losing my mind with desire for Lacey. Her life has been so wretched and she’s so misunderstood and beautiful and I’m not…ready to kill her but it’s difficult to watch her be so lonely. I want to make her feel loved. Forever.” says Michael.

“Batgirl I and Batgirl II!” says Lem. “Caped crusaders taking innocent people hostage through institutional witchcraft to get power.” says Lem.

“Who’s Chris?” asks Mr. Blue.

“Chris?” asks Lacey.

“Yes! Isn’t that my name?” asks Mr. Blue, as if he’s catching her at trickery and evil.

“Do you want us to call you Chris?” asks Lem.

Mr. Blue laughs. “If anyone targets me and I die they can blame Lacey. …See!” he says.

“Who would target you? Who even are you?” asks Lem.

“I’m Chris Hayes.” he says. “The perfume community knows she had a crush on me.”

“But you could be using Chris Hayes as a human shield. That man and his family could be totally innocent.” says Lacey. “I did hashtag him once. It’s true. But hopefully they wouldn’t be foolish enough to target Chris Hayes.”

“You do seem a lot like Chris Hayes though.” says Lem. “Why is that?”

“Because I’m tall.” says Mr. Blue.

“No, you’re not that tall. I’m about your height.” says Michael.

“How tall are you?” Lacey asks Michael.

“Tall.” he says.

“It’s very confusing.” says Lacey. “You look short in In Search of Michael Rockefeller the television episode but in Savage Harvest you are said to be tall.”

“I’m tall!” says Mr. Blue.

“Are you Chris Hayes or Chris Blue?” asks LBJ.

“He’s Chris Hayes.” says his wife.

“Why are you making me reference that famous MSNBC show host?” asks Lacey suspiciously.

“Because he’s my doppelgänger.” says Mr. Blue. He scoffs. “I hate Liberals. And Republicans. I’m a Satanist. And I hate Chris Hayes. …And what difference does it make? He’s not in the Illuminati and nobody would think he is. He’s just a well paid television show host.”

“True!” says Lacey.

“He kind of looks like me.” says Michael.

“Slightly.” says Louis. “She just had a crush on him because he was the closest approximation of one of us she’d seen. …You look even less like us. You’re almost ugly.”

“I thought he was slightly attractive too.” says Lacey.

“Yes! Say, isn’t it time for you to take a shower?” asks Lem of Lacey.

“Yes!” says Lacey.

“She actually is about to shower.” says Michael.

“If she comes out alive, I blame you Mr. Blue. Whatever first name you want us to call you!” says Michael.