(Adult content below)
On The Sea by Beach House plays.
Lacey spent last night terrified she has cancer. She asked God if she would die. The answer seems to be no.
“We’re demons!!!” a groups demons said to her in her sleep. Well, they did literally say that but it was that basic idea. Lacey brought the idea to God after casting them out in Jesus’ name both in her dream and awake.
Then she prayed to God as she has before that things would make sense. In this case that they would disappear as lonely as that is if they are and were just demons and interrupt her thoughts if they’re ghosts.
Suddenly she was unintentionally on a picnic with Jackie and Lem. Lacey was instructed to do whatever seemed genuine to her to do.
Tighten Up by The Black Keys plays.
First Lacey got a bed made on the ground. And as Jackie spoke in her breathy voice to seduce Lem Lacey dozed off. Literally. Then Lacey just laid there.
Lem and Jackie weren’t keen on that. So Lacey woke-up and began twirling around. Just spinning around in circles. Jack, as he is not Lacey, then marched like a soldier by both (all) of them an winked to be clever. Was Jack imitating Lacey or mocking her? Lacey doesn’t know, and would love to barely care.
Then Lacey (not seeing Jack) got in Lem’s face, leaning on it with her own and asked him tenderly, “What’s wrong with my throat, Lem?”
He didn’t respond.
Then Lacey stood up and felt despair.
Suddenly out of nowhere Rocky (Nelson Rockefeller) ran up behind her and picked her up like a child and said, “Excuse us, I’m not sure we’re supposed to be here.” Then he carried her off.
“Lacey, if reincarnation is in the Bible did Lucy Arnaz channel you?” asks a woman.
“Yes! Most possibly. But, it’s Christianity regardless. And it’s not likely. I might just be this way.” says Lacey. “Hopefully you can ask God in Heaven.”
And at that Lacey involuntarily felt the urge to wake for the day so she rolled over and got out of bed for the morning. As she got out of bed she was startled to recognize that she had been affected by Nelson carrying her off.
“When do conjure them? When? You must. There’s no way you’re not conjuring them.” says a so-called born-again Christian. “Tell us when you conjure them!!” He seethes. “TELL US!!!”
Lacey thinks. “You mean like…witchcraft rituals?” She thinks. “Or like when I asked Lem if I had cancer?”
“Either.” they say.
Lacey sighs in exasperation. “I can’t think of any rituals they’ve told me I was a part of. And the rituals I’ve done have been spiritual warfare. I’ve frequently cast demons into Hell. And frequently brought the child sex slaves to God in prayer, screaming at Him like He’s our deadbeat dad.” She thinks. “I was never a child sex slave though, in case that’s what you were egotistically hoping for next. I was molested though. Do you like child sex slaves as an Hell-investor or as a genuinely concerned Christian?”
And off on the picnic: Jack shakes his ass to get Lem’s and Jackie’s attention. He inanely marches. He tells jokes.
“We don’t invest in child sex slavery.” says Summertime Sadness.
“Do high ranking American evangelical leaders who are famous?” asks Lacey. “Or are they just incredibly corrupt even if they’re not that bad? …The truth of the gospel doesn’t belong to you. You are not literally Jesus. Christianity has often been used to harass and torture people. Innocent and not innocent. But the evil didn’t destroy the truth. They didn’t destroy God. Christianity is still the only truth of God.”
“What were you guys doing over here?!??” asks the Native American woman. “I think Lacey would have been here to save me from Hell. Truly. Out of genuine compassion. …What about all of you?” she asks the so-called Born-Again Christians.
They ignore the Native American woman. And to Lacey, “Are you Born-Again?”
“Yes! I have been since age 2. The theology of being Born-Again versus catechism and baptism is completely baffling to me at times. I think Catholics want to allow free-will for children ironically? And I respect that. Or they did. …But while a child can’t choose sex ever a child can choose to believe that their hearts need to be consecrated to Christ. A child can choose to believe that they need salvation. And I did choose to worship Christ and become a Born-Again Christian at age 2. Possibly just to be saved in the future of my anticipated adulthood.”
“You anticipated your impending adulthood at age 2?” they ask Lacey.
Lacey thinks, “It may have been closer to age 3. But yes. I think in the back of my mind that was possibly the idea.”
“Yeah, I guess that’s not that complicated of a concept for a three year old to understand.” some of them say.
“Really?!??” scoffs the witch.
They refuse to acknowledge the witch.
“I do believe we have to Born-Again. But it’s salvation through Christ we’re aiming to accept. Not a club membership?” says Lacey.
“How adorable!” scoffs a Boomer at Lacey who would like to molest Lacey.
Michael laughs. Michael laughs at the vain Boomer.
“What’s your problem?” Lacey asks the violent Boomer sincerely.
“I’m mad.” the Boomer says.
“Why are you mad?” Lacey asks him.
“I don’t like your intelligence.” says the Boomer sounding like a psychopath in his voice.
“Why not, sweetie?” Lacey asks this weird little boy who she suspects is a little deranged.
“I’m a demi-god of darkness.” he says seriously like a character from South Park. “I reign in these parts. And you’re a threat from the land of white people.”
“You’re not white!?! You look like a white boy!!” says Lacey to the Caucasian, male Boomer.
“I’d take you on my yacht. And prove my sexiness. …I make the boat spin!!!” He gestures with his hands and arms to explain how the boat spins when he directs it that way at the controls. “It’s really cool!!!” he says. “So, now that you’re totally eternally in love with me…here’s a piece of advice you miserable bitch:-“. He freaks out and starts acting like a normal little boy. He cries, “I wanna go home!!!”
“You want to die or you just wanna go home?” Lacey asks.
“Don’t tell my friends, but I just wanna go home.” he says, sighing.
“Are your parents dead?” asks Lacey.
“Are they?!?” he yells angrily.
“Hmm. Well…I doubt they don’t exist. Even if they are dead.” says Lacey.
“You killed them?” he asks Lacey.
“No. Did you?” asks Lacey.
“No. They just died…outta nowhere.” he says.
“They didn’t warn you?” asks Lacey.
“No, they warned me!!!” he says angrily. “I just remember them dying so suddenly though.”
“Just outta nowhere?” asks Lacey.
“Yes!!! Were you there?!?” he asks.
“I doubt it. But I’ve seen people die that way, I think.” says Lacey. “Or heard accounts.”
“Why did they die???” he asks.
“Sweetie, I’m going to die. So are you.” says Lacey. “That’s just how bodies work. Human bodies anyway, always die. Unless God intervenes.” She thinks.
“So is it just funny?” asks another Boomer.
“It can be.” says Lacey. “But often it’s more sad.” She sighs. “People miss each other. Because once you’re dead you don’t ever come back in that body. You just remain yourself and then miss your body. …But that body is dead.”
“My parents are alive!!!” says the other Boomer.
“Yes. In Christ they actually are. Very astute observation.” says Lacey.
“Then in Christ we don’t ever really die our bodies just die because they get worn out or too troubled to function usefully.” says the first Boomer.
“Yes!!! It’s sad very scary when we’re transition into death but it’s probably not so bad once you’re dead if you’ve been a Christian who had a sincere faith in your salvation through Christ. At least, that’s the premise I go on. And it’s served me very well.” She thinks. “I can’t guarantee it. And that’s terrible. But…the closer I get to death the more likely my premise looks to be.” She smiles. “It’s a terrifying premise in a way because it’s so real. So real.” She smiles. “If I’m at all a ghost, I’m warning you sweetheart.”
Suspirium Finale by Thom Yorke plays.
“So…your kids are Gen Y and what?” asks the other Boomer.
“At times they remind me of Boomers. But they’re still kids. …Really though they seem to remind me of kids from the early 1900’s. Like…1905.” says Lacey.
“They seem that way, and if reincarnation doesn’t honestly and genuinely exist in Mere Christianity then maybe they’re just very similar psychologically to that generation.” says a Gen X woman.
“Possibly.” says Lacey.
“I take it that Boomer found his mommy’s actual generational mindset in a 40 year old woman who’s birth father might have been born in 1894.” says a Gen X man. “Like…it sounds preposterous but…Lacey if Tom Banks really had this 20 or 30 something long-term girlfriend…then…why assume he isn’t your birth father?”
“Not just adopted. Because I’m almost positive that’s real.” says Lacey.
“I mean…yes.” says the Gen X man.
“Because it seems preposterous.” says Lacey. “And it’s-I look like Tommy Banks but I also look like the father who raised me.”
“I think you actually do resemble Tommy Banks more. Your posture and personality and the way you’re aging seems so much more like him.” says a woman.
“Yeah…I do look a startling amount like him.” says Lacey. “But…it’s embarrassing to think he had a 20 or 30-something girlfriend and made me in his late 80’s.”
“Well, he was a womanizer right?” asks a Millennial.
“Yes! Very much so. But I have a feeling he was also a romantic. Because the mistresses and wife all seem to be more happy than not. Possibly confused. But he doesn’t seem heartless. Maybe stupid in a way…but not heartless.” says Lacey.
“Stupid. Like how?!?” asks The Loudest Perfume Hater.
“Like he outsmarted himself, except not.” says Lacey. “Sort of like he intellectualized things brilliantly. And it was part of his real genius. But then he got stuck because women couldn’t figure out what he was doing. He seemed complex I bet and was…but…I have a feeling he may have secretly meant well somehow and they could tell that…but…it ended-up with the potentiality of me being born in 1983.”
“To a pretty 20 or 30-something stewardess.” says a Born-Again Christian.
“I bet Michael genuinely empathizes with you.” says a Catholic to Lacey.
“Casi, they’re not autistic.” says the entire perfume community to The Loudest Hater.
The Loudest Perfume Hater is laughing at the Banks and Rockefeller families. Her new way of feeling less bothered by her station in life is to make an argument that the most powerful families of that world are all autistic.
“Are all the English autistic then?” asks an English actor.
“Yes!” says The Loudest Perfume Hater without thinking.
“What if…they’re not autistic and you are slightly?” Queen Elizabeth II asks The Loudest Perfume Hater. “Or are you just that narcissistic and we shouldn’t assume the best of you at all?”
“Are you a little autistic?” asks the black perfume community of The Loudest Perfume Hater. “Are the Kennedy’s both like the Rockefeller’s but also very narcissistic and a little autistic too?”
“Anyway, yeah no, you and your father aren’t autistic. You’re eccentric.” says the Native American woman. “Not pedophilic.” She thinks. “At least you aren’t, but I kinda doubt he was either. I have a feeling he thought your birth mom, should you be illegitimate too, was like…the love of his life as an adult. And he probably was like any other handsome and rich old man, just a bit older, until his stroke. I have a feeling she loved him and he loved her in a non-pedophilic way. As two adults.”
“Mr. Blue you demand she tell you what you want to hear.” says another Native American to Mr. Blue. “And I bet you’ve been overriding her protestations from the start.”
“No, that’s true, and autistic people aren’t narcissists.” says an autistic woman.
“But autistic people can also be narcissistic. But they’re two different things.” says Lacey.
“Yes!” says the autistic woman.
“It’s frustrating that people don’t realize that!” says Lacey sincerely frustrated by it.
“I get a lot of flack from narcissists who think they’re me.” says the truly autistic woman.
“Are you narcissistic at all?” asks Lacey of the truly autistic woman.
“Not really.” says the truly autistic woman.
“That’s vile that they do that to you.” says Lacey.
“It is.” she agrees.
“But you’re not autistic.” says the perfume community to Lacey.
“No, that’s extremely unlikely.” says Lacey. “No.”
“Then why are you so honest?!?” asks Mr. Blue accidentally of Lacey.
“Normal people are supposed to be honest.” Lacey says to Mr. Blue.
“Yeah, I know. But not like you.” he says to Lacey.
“I may be eccentric. It’s true. But I’m not sure my basic framework should be so unusual. Honesty is sort of necessary.” says Lacey. “All that bourgeois, pseudo-intelligence post-truth bullshit touted instead as “the newest thing” is just that. It’s just bullshit.”
“But you actually accidentally said it wasn’t bullshit.” says Mr. Blue.
“No, I did not. That’s a purposeful, cheap and obnoxious way of interpreting my tone and meaning. The Bat Crew are such violent plebs.” says Lacey. “With their roots in the scummy gutter.”
“Then we’ll kill you in hospitals!” says The Loudest Perfume Hater seriously to all old money people of the world. “We’ll take away your medical freedom and you won’t be able to get your medicine!”
“I disagree! On behalf of whoever I represent, I disagree. In Christ.” says Summertime Sadness. “I disagree with The Loudest Perfume Hater.”
“So do we as much as I can represent.” says a black man on behalf of the entire perfume community.
“You’re a demon!!” The Loudest Perfume Hater yells in her spirit at Lacey. “I’m choosing to Channel Michael Rockefeller.” She says trying to seem sexy somewhere. “And we’re having sex!!” she yells.
“Yeah, she is. When I kill you you’ll be putty in my hands just like Michael is to The Loudest Perfume Hater somewhere.” says Mr. Blue sincerely to Lacey.
“That’s illogical bullshit.” says Tommy Banks to Mr. Blue.
“Then who are we sleeping with when we conjure ghosts? Because we do do that.” says an Illuminati member.
“You’re blind though.” says Lacey. “You don’t really know.”
“Then who is The Loudest Perfume Hater actually sleeping with?” asks Mr. Blue.
“I don’t know either. But I doubt it’s Michael if Michael is a ghost.” says Lacey.
“Then who is it!?” asks Rocky.
“A gay man in the Illuminati conjuring a demon?” says Lacey. “A demon impersonating Michael.”
“Is the gay man sleeping with The Loudest Perfume Hater or the demon or both?” asks an actor.
“The gay man is accidentally using a demon puppet of a man who finds women attractive. Almost as if the gay man is imagining being attracted to The Loudest Perfume Hater.” says Lacey.
“Did Vanny sleep with the real ghost of Joe Jr. or did he lie about it to hurt you and it was just a demon?” asks the actor of Lacey.
“It was probably just Joe. But I’ll ask God.” says Lacey.
A moment later.
“It seemed dicey. Almost as if it was and wasn’t at the same time.” says Lacey.
“It was.” says Joe Jr. whether he’s lying or not.
“Then stop harassing me.” Lacey says to Joe Jr. losing her temper.
Lem’s father is shocked. He is startled by how little interest Lacey has left in Joe Jr..
“You built your entire idea of Heaven on the slightest hope of being with Joe someday. …And now he’s just? He’s? Not your friend. At all.” he says to Lacey feeling suddenly nauseous.
“That’s done.” says Lacey.
“They had a mind like God.” says iiiScott Fitzgerald humorously.
Superstar by Beach House plays.
And that’s when Tommy Banks grabbed Jack’s throat.
“Lem, why did you say that there’d be no more Kennedy’s after you died?” asks a famous historian of Lem.
“I thought I was the last true link to the past. And I thought their glory days were entirely over.” says Lem. “But I was an idiot compared to Lacey.” He says screaming and weeping. He calms himself after a moment. “I sound like such a vain idiot in so many of the things I said. Especially to her.”
A moment later.
“Given the nature of social class structures my statement was nothing but an insult to all living Kennedy’s. Proof that I might actually despise them even, despite what’s said otherwise.” says Lem.
“Because you said ‘the Kennedy’s’ but in fact they still exist. As near old money, at least. They’re just…aristocratic and stuffy and out of touch now. They didn’t cease to exist.” says The Loudest Perfume Hater.
“You read Lacey’s blog. And figure out reality through her genius. So be careful what you say. It’s possibly not as insightful as you imagine.” says Lem to The Loudest Perfume Hater.
“Or inventive and original?” asks The Loudest Perfume Hater.
“Yup.” says Lem.
“Lem you hated them?” asks the Native American woman.
“They are near old money. But no, for whatever reason they aren’t quite us.” says Rocky about the Kennedy’s.
“Lem you were old money.” says the Native American woman.
He laughs. “Oh yes. I wasn’t some poor Episcopalian. That’s Liberal bullshit.” He looks angry. “I was poor by comparison. But we had money. Not easily accessible money. But money. …My mother wasn’t some whore. And I didn’t realize how being so nice to the Kennedy’s would do nothing but enable them to steal from me.”
“How do you feel they stole from you?” asks a famous historian of Lem.
“I wasn’t-I was real old money.” says Lem. “I can’t believe how that’s been undone. They tell my life like I was just this hot alien gay man who was poor. Maybe from Mars. And I dropped out of the sky and saved Jack while making love to him. And he was…a frilly, Anglican, sweet-as-pie…laid-back prude.” He thinks. “Truly. A homophobic prude.”
“A prude or scared of love?!” asks Lacey.
“Prude. Because he loved Grace Kelly and Inga. That’s been proven! Using science!” says Lem sarcastically.
“A lurid, lothario prude.” says Louis.
“An Anglican?” asks Lacey.
“Today people imagine the Kennedy’s Catholicism as a sort of neo-Anglicanism.” says Lem bitterly.
“So they seemed like the embarrassing poor kids even though they were rich?” asks someone of Lem.
“Not to me. To me they were magic. Bright, hopeful Americana. The future! …Industry and science and love. But…they were con-artists. And that’s all they ever were.” says Lem.
Psychotic Girl by The Black Keys plays.
“Do you ever worry that Lacey is just one of them?” asks a professor.
“No, you want her to be. You little slut.” says Lem.
“So…you hate the Kennedy’s?” asks a gay man of Lem.
“Yes. I am working on not hating them.” says Lem.
“Why do they maintain you were the gay one?” asks an English aristocrat.
“Because it’s convenient. And…maybe ask Micheal. I’m tired of being nice about this.” says Lem. “Lacey isn’t one of them. Really.”
“That’s why they would reject her in reality but I bet they’d rather think it’s their superiority.” says an Englishwoman. “If they ever met her, which is so unlikely.”
“And would the Rockefeller’s totally shun her?” asks the Englishwoman.
“They’d have no idea who she is. But she’d feel odd to them. Not necessarily familiar. But connected to them in some way they couldn’t place. The Billings might feel the same. Not that she’d ever necessarily meet them either.” says Michael.
“So if the Illuminati exists…the Kennedy’s snubbed Lacey? Acted like she was insane or acted like what?” asks the Native American woman.
“For her thinking she might be talking to the ghost of Joe Jr.?” asks Wobbly.
“Yes!” say a group of Christians.
“Yes!” says Wobbly. “I was nice to her face. But it’s possible I thought it was…unlikely.”
“Why?!?” ask a lot of people.
“I’m a very, very big deal.” he says.
“So am I! We are! We are BIG!” says Mr. Blue seriously.
“You run the city?” asks a person of Wobbly.
“Where? Manhattan?!” he asks.
“Where else?” someone asks him.
“My sex den?” he asks.
“Yes!” says Michael.
“I have a sexiness that rivals the gods. Timothy Chalamet is my forerunner.” He thinks. “No! I mean…he is… Rather he’s… I’m his… I’m what inspired him. Subconsciously. He’s only considered handsome because everyone thought I was. It’s something people don’t discuss. But I made him look attractive.”
“To Liberals?” asks a Hollywood producer.
“Yes! They have very little real imagination or insight. But they follow things that they think work.”
“Lacey do you think Chalamet is attractive?” asks the Native American woman.
“I think he’s a scrawny, almost ugly…little boy.” says Lacey. “He’s so pretty. So, so pretty. …Eww!!!” She thinks. “Maybe someday when he’s a fully grown man I might think he’s handsome. But as of late he is still very boyish.”
“She likes me.” says Michael Rockefeller. “And Lem.”
A moment later.
“Tell me more about New York City.” says Nelson to Wobbly.
“I’m not taking this seriously.” scoffs Wobbly.
“No. So…who’s hotter me or you?” asks Michael Rockefeller of Wobbly.
“Me!!” says Wobbly seriously.
“Are you a homicidal freak?” Lacey asks him seriously. “I was talking to your wife before I fell down the stairs.”
“Who’s hotter? You or me?” asks Michael Rockefeller of Wobbly.
“Me!!” says Wobbly like he’s preaching the gospel.
“How tall are you?!?” Lacey asks him.
“5 ft. 10 inches.” he says.
“You’re kind of short.” says Lacey.
“I’m no shorter than your ex-husband.” he says.
“No, you’re a little shorter. To me you seem unattractively short.” says Lacey.
“Really?” he says.
“Yes, I’m sorry. Truly.” says Lacey.
“Michael was taller.” says Rocky.
“Why did you date shorter men?” asks Wobbly.
“I was desperate. They really are not at all my type.” says Lacey.
“At what height does a man become repulsive?” asks Louis.
“You could be my one exception. Truly. Because you’re still a man and you’re you. But, I’d say probably 5 feet…10 or 11 is the absolute bare minimum. These days 5 feet 11 inches is even short in my estimation though.” says Lacey apologetically. “I think Lem was always my ideal. He was 6 ft. 4 inches?”
“Have decaf coffee for dinner. At 8.” says Louis. “And drink a lot of water.”
“Why…are you so special to Lacey, Louis?” asks an intellectual.
“Ask her.” says Louis.
“Louis did you cause that train crash?!??” asks an intellectual.
“No!” says Louis.
“Louis, how tall were you? Because something tells me you are that rare truly special man.” says The Loudest Perfume Hater.
“I was 5 foot 11 inches we’ll say. Maybe 5 foot 9? Maybe taller.” says Louis.
“Louis…are you her actual soulmate?” asks an atheist.
“I could be. We’ll see.” he says.
“No! I’m rather the front-runner.” says Lem. “But I just can’t get over how awful it was to see you with other men.”
“But you may have caused it.” says Louis. “Lem, why does that still count?!”
Farewell To Dobby plays.
“I just can’t get over it!” he says.
“But Lem…you caused it!” says Louis.
Chemtrails Over The Country Club plays.
“Can’t you dance to this without seeming asexual or gay?” Michael asks Lem.
“Whatever!!” says Jack Kennedy caustically, like he doesn’t care.
“It was your song…but she empathized and empathized and empathized…and then you said nothing. So I started making love to her says Louis. “And it crushed you to pieces. Because while you were ruminating over what? …Why were you so silent?!? …I was making love. Lem…I…made love.”
“I wanted to make love. But I didn’t want to force myself on her.” says Lem.
“Why didn’t she have loving parents though?” asks Michael.
“Who should have raised her?” asks Louis.
“Is your reticence pure evil in Lacey’s case?” Michael asks Lem.
Softcore by The Neighbourhood plays.
“This is me and Lacey as teenagers. What about you?” says Michael.
Harold Loeb dances like a Millennial convincingly. It’s gorgeous.
“It’s stunning, actually.” says Hemingway.
“How was Harold dancing?!” asks a Gen Z woman.
“To Softcore? It was partially Popping? Is that what it’s called? Like…robotic but so elegant and sensual. Also there was a decidedly Jewish vibe to it. Dark, tan, handsome Harold. But also free…and perfectly languid.” says Lacey.
“Can you dance to this?” Michael asks Lem.
“Alone? Yes. With Lacey it turns into sex.” Lem says.
“What about you, Lacey?” asks a hater.
“I love this song’s sound. It’s fun to dance to.” says Lacey. She does a version of the Charleston with Harold perfectly in synch with the song.
“It’s perfectly in keeping with the aesthetic of the Baz Lurhmann Great Gatsby.” says F. Scott Fitzgerald. “Well maybe slightly 2000’s and Egyptian-like Popping too…as you might expect.”
“But I can’t dance easily to it either. So it just insists I make a move if I want to make love anyway.” says Michael to Lem.
“I could do the Charleston.” says Louis.
“But I can’t. Lem…you have to stop. It’s on you. You exist.” says Michael.
“On me?” asks Lem.
“I didn’t think that sentence through in that way.” says Michael.
“Well…that’s not-“ Lem cries. “I’m confused. Do you want to make love or not?” he asks Lacey.
“That question confuses me.” she says.
“I do. To her. And I know that.” Michael says to Lem.
Louis looks empathetic.
“Jack always said you had to ask first.” says Lem.
“But why? When she’s literally DYING without sex.” says Louis. “Not rape. But actual love. Because if the Illuminati exists they demanded it or they’d kill her. Mr. Blue set it up that way. In her mind. Then they all did.”
“She’s the song’s opposite.” says Michael. “For her…as she sits there worrying she’s dying…can’t eat right…it’s American Horror.”
“Ahhh. Ahh! Sarahhh!” says Louis bitterly. “Oops! There she goes! Down the stairs!” he says ready to kill Lem.
“You’re right, Lem. She’s not insane. And who was her Jimmy? …You bitch!” says Michael to Lem.
“Do you agree with them?” Lem asks Lacey.
“Possibly.” says Lacey, truly academically.
“Lem…she could be an actual visible ghost analyzing this with amazing clarity and objectivity and a sincere desire to honor Christ in a luxury hotel room. Alone.” says Michael.
Feeling weak she lays down and takes a nice deep breath. Obviously still alone.
“No, the dancing was in her spirit not flesh.” says Scott.
“Great! So…she needed sex to save her life. Literally. And she’s been living off the bare minimum in life when it comes to all forms of love her whole life.” he says. Then, “And I did what to push you away?” says Lem to Lacey.
Satan screams bloody murder. He’s furious with Lacey. She hopes God sorts that out.
“No, I don’t think it was ever about the lurid needs so to speak, for me. At least I doubt it. Lem, I never instigated it really if at all. It was more that they’d see me feeling rejected by you because I feel rejected by you. More than you apparently understand. And then they’d come up behind me and tell me they genuinely loved me. And I could rest. Not prudish, sexless rest. But real, happy, Christian, adult rest. Actually not being lonely the way God seemingly disdains it as well.” She thinks. “I think I just got tired of empathizing with your rejection of my existence. Whether accidental or intentional. That’s what pushed me away.” says Lacey. “Lem, I’m that deep.”
A 1920’s jazz song plays in the White House. Through the fireplace whether it’s heard or not.
“And in her head she hears A&W and your rejection. Lem…you fucked Jack with your mouth. She had nothing to do with that!!! …Hetca spine. Or a heart. Or a clue. …We…fuck..HER. Not your sugar baby Jack-fucking-KENNEDY!”
A tribe of Jews arrives. Apparently their presence comforts Lacey enormously. She read about them in childhood in the Bible. If Lacey dies any time soon somehow their presence seems safe. They came because Christ asked them to, if they arrived. She doesn’t know them she thinks but they seem like a safe group to hang out with. Even if she doesn’t die they still are comforting.
A&W plays over.
“Were you trying to hurt me by sleeping with Michael?” asks Lem of Lacey.
“Can you be hurt you god of Ireland?” asks Lacey. “Or no, is it god of Massachusetts!?” She thinks. “Or no? Did the Kennedy’s screw Jesus? Are you a god of Heaven now?” Lacey gets faux excited. “Oh wow!!! Did the Rose’s conquer Heaven with Jack’s cool-kid antics, Joe’s sexy ass, and pure American brilliance!?” She smiles sarcastically. “My gosh, Lem!! Did you orgasm in your inner innocence? With Jack? In a way I never have. Lem for better and worse as an adult I’m not that stupid. Maybe innocence is the wrong word. …I’m still innocent if I choose to be in Christ. …I’ve never held that against you. But you had a narrow margin for error you should have already anticipated.” She thinks. “What’s so mysterious to you now? Any other asshole moves you want to show-off today like cheap party tricks?”
Lem covers his face with his hands in horror.
“Was my ex Grant gay?” asks Mary Tyler Moore. “Doesn’t he remind you of Lem?”
“Oh no!! If you’re a man and your penis doesn’t get frighteningly hard from a naked Jackie O. then you’re gay.” says Lacey sarcastically. “That’s the test Jack used once he found her. Marilyn wasn’t arousing. No! And Lem failed it one too many times. It was totally sus. …So…he forced Lem into a monogamous relationship from the grave? Because it wouldn’t put out for his grieving wife…then you were his big yummy fag!” She thinks. “Didn’t he supposedly have a thing for incest? And drugs? …Funny how Bobby and Jackie supposedly hooked-up so much after he died. And they supposedly did it because they both just missed Jack soo much. …And Lem…became stupider and addled…and more childlike. …Maybe it’s nothing but…I’m tired of being shitted on by you Lem.” She thinks. “Lovers who are real don’t shit on me. Do they? What are you? A demon or a dead man? …So yes. If it isn’t clear, yes. Yes. I slept with Michael to hurt you. 100%. But not hurt you hurt you. Hurt you. However that works out… Like…can you be hurt? Can you? Can you? Do you know?!?? …I don’t have a penis, Lem. Do you? …You have the penis. All I have is shit…in my face from your HOT sex? …Yes. Yes. Yes, I think I was trying to hurt you in that regard. …I mean…why would I make you happy? …Lem I’m not one to force myself on men. Or anyone else. Even you.” She thinks. “Why did you make a HUGE insult to my soul? Slander really. And expect me not to be even just the tiniest bit hurt? …No, that’s not me. And if you don’t like me…and my intentions to love you fervently and only forever…then I guess a room at the White House, the hit classics of Jack’s service as US President…and whatever else you got!? I guess that’s eternally FAR SUPERIOR to my soul…TO YOU!!” She thinks. “You knew best? Hmm.” She thinks again. “Nope, I don’t trust that…situation. Why would I? That’s absurd. …But Louis might love me. And Michael might love me. So…you’re FREE!! To be you!! Just you and Jack…FOREVER!!!!” She smiles. Sighs. “So it all works out? You get hot ass from Jack whenever your damn ass wants that hot shit? And…gay men get off to the two of you? …For how long in history? …Because you still exist! Don’t you? …And I still love you. But what does that matter Lem? …And because I don’t know…and I have desperate needs as a normal woman who’s possibly fighting for her life…I thought…why not? …Or no? Did I fuck Louis because I’m an offensively horny toad-slut like you insist? A heartless, narcissistic, blind moron like you insist?”
“I’m not just a cheap, moronic slut? I’m a man. With a lot. I was US President.” says JFK seriously.
“Oh! Wow!!!” says Tom Banks. “What kind of grades did you get as US President?”
“I got shot.” says Jack condescendingly.
“How did that happen?” asks Reta Banks of JFK…as her daughter struggles to eat without possibly hurting her lungs.
“Possibly because I bullshit too many people too often.” says JFK.
“Wait, wait, wait?!! Jack!!? YOUR SHIT?!? Where’s Lem?!? Doesn’t he collect your poop and make sculptural depictions of your body out of it to eat every night?” She thinks. “Aren’t those called, Lem Billings’ best works of art? Too bad he’s so obsessed with your every inch that he eats them after painstakingly crafting your beauty.” She thinks.
“Why don’t you just kill yourself?” he says to her seriously.
“I can’t Jack. And that’s stupid.” says Lacey.
“I know. I just hate you.” he says. “I was basically born gay! Do you have any idea what I went through?!?” he says seriously.
“Having Lem defend your homer?” asks Michael. “You know, you look like shit compared to me.”
“No, I’m superior!” says Jack.
“You have a far smaller penis. And you look like crap naked compared to me too.” He thinks. “And I have depth. And honor. And it looks like it.”
“We’re wondering if you were gay or if Lem was too blind to realize what you looked like naked so you just stuck with him?” asks Charlie B. of Jack.
“I don’t care. I refuse to stop being narcissistic.” says Jack.
“I don’t want you saving me anymore anyway.” says Lacey to Jack. “If not for my kids if you’d saved me in war I would have wanted to kill you to repay the insult.” She smiles. “You know, I don’t hate you though. Really. I just don’t like being so insulted. I wouldn’t have killed you either. Unless you were a real threat to everyone’s safety.”
“I refuse to accept that!” says Jack.
“My God, help us. I was like Hitler.” says Lem.
“So you were one of the worst Presidents in history?” asks a Biden of Jack Kennedy. “Lem, I hope you were gay. The White House is…well….maybe it was far better in the 1960’s?”
“So it’s felt like you have had the to sleep with these ghosts?” asks Summertime Sadness.
“The problem is if she’s really that lonely she’s been mentally drained to almost collapse. And…she found Mr. Blue out of an attempt to survive. …And yet, should they be real, the Illuminati had little respect for that. But there were some English, literally, who cared.” says Louis.
“I passionately love Lacey.” says Michael. “I do. We aren’t crass at heart.”
“I love her too.” says Louis.
“I don’t want to defend myself. But I do want to say that if she dies her kids will miss her. And I can’t stand that. And it’ll be fascinating to see what happens. …Right? Because it’s a show? None of it’s real?” says Lem.
“No. It’s real. Lem, I’m kind of starting to worry you weren’t queer.” says a gay man, seriously.
“I wasn’t a god. I wasn’t queer. And she still belongs to me.” says Lem.
Michael smiles. “I disagree. But that’s up to God.”
“Speaking of Catholicism…umm…Lem, Harold, Louis…and Michael. Wow!! You…love them. A lot! …It’s kind of like how Peter Kreeft described it. Do you feel that you can be with one of them?” a Catholic asks.
“Yes! That’s what I want most.” says Lacey. “But I’m trying to be a good sport about the process to be respectful and responsible.”
“Do you resent us?” asks Michael.
“Deeply. Although I also understand you have to be mindful in the process.” says Lacey.
“But what about you?” asks Michael.
“I’d like to offer you forever. Just like Michael.” says Louis.
“And I already have you forever, Lord willing. But I’m offering it more clearly now.” says Lem. “Don’t worry! I love you. I’m just…not…making sense.” He smiles. “That’s not like me. Is it? Well…I have lots to explain.”
“No, that’s not like you.” says Lacey.
“Let’s talk about it more publicly later.” says Lem. “But rest assured, all is as it should be between us in my being if I love you. And I do love you. I really do.”