Prokofiev’s Romeo & Juliet Act 3, Scene 3 plays.
Lacey watched an episode of The Crown that she’d never seen before. It genuinely shocked her. She thought she’d seen every one.
It was the episode where Margaret Thatcher becomes Prime Minister. …And you know…right before Queen Elizabeth II died Lacey was visited by the ghost of Margaret Thatcher while she was cleaning her kitchen. …Or the seeking ghost of Margaret Thatcher, anyway. …Lacey didn’t summon her. She just appeared in Lacey’s kitchen and started talking to her. Lacey had no idea why. …They got along very well. Lacey was surprised by how genuinely empathetic and humble Margaret Thatcher was and how easy it was to talk with her in general. …It really was though. She was…a genuinely impressive person.
Act 1, Scene 2 plays.
And you know…Michael has been appearing to Lacey. Over the last year. …She sees a man who looks almost identical to him…and then when she looks closer…it’s not him. …And you know…that happened to his twin sister. …She’d think she’d seen him and then when she looked closer it would turn out to not be him. …And…in her gut Lacey fingers that far too strange to dismiss. …To Lacey it points to a supernatural realm. …Because that’s not something that happens with just everyone when they die. Not everyone appears to people through doppelgängers. Bizarrely similar doppelgängers that morph in a mesmerizing and eerie way back to the person they actually are. …To Lacey it’s good proof.
She loved Queen Elizabeth II as a friend. Truly. …She disgrace have to explain everything to her and Elizabeth let Lacey possibly be…different in her head in a generational sense than just a Millennial. She let her think like a 90 year old woman around her. Or 80-something? …She didn’t expect Lacey to dislike the things she did. And it was extremely loving and compassionate of her to be so kind and perceptive. She was very protective of and kind to Lacey in general.
But…it was an accidental meeting. Lacey accidentally discovered the Illuminati. OR Lacey was intended as an American sacrifice…and it went wrong. …Regardless, Lacey was always in awe of the fact that she was able to communicate at all with the historic English Queen. Truly. Lacey has some…noteworthy aspects to her story but…she’s not Queen Elizabeth II. And it doesn’t bother Lacey to be beneath someone when it comes to social class. Lacey doesn’t actually see her ultimate self-worth tied to that almost at all, if at all.
…But tonight she had a rather…”Lacey Moment.” …What’s a “Lacey Moment?” It’s when one really should know something obvious to everyone else…but for whatever reason…they don’t. “Lacey Moment” isn’t a catchy term so it’ll likely not catch on, but…it feels like a problem so inherently hers… Only Lem Billings, should he have been heterosexual, really equals or outdoes her at her own strange affliction.
“The thing is…Lacey has yet to realize who these people actually are.” says Lem. “Tonight Prince Philip was my wingman with Lacey. Lacey and I looked at rings tonight, even though…we’re together forever anyway.”
“She doesn’t understand that we’re together. Nor does she entirely understand that Michael is, if I’m not… Actually…he truly has demanded he be my only understudy. Louis is the one the only ones fighting it to be wise… But no…Lacey…still has no real clue. …Tom Banks feels like a cozy, warm, possibly happy daddy. …She…sees him as just her dad.” says Lem. “And it sounds very cliche, but it’s not a cliche pretension with Lacey. …She’s not childlike. She’s just…oblivious to what she’s doing.” He laughs. “She’s a genius.” He laughs. “But…one should never assume she’s on the same page as they are when it comes to her life from their perspective.”
“So she’s got Down Syndrome.” says an American member of the Illuminati.
“That’s insulting to people with Down Syndrome!” says Lacey seriously.
Michael helplessly cracks-up laughing.
“Why?” asks a man with Down Syndrome in the Illuminati.
“Because you have an actual medical condition. I have…no idea what’s wrong with me. There may be no…currently understood scientific explanation.” she says seriously.
The man with Down Syndrome nods in understanding. He gets what she means.
“Why aren’t you more insulted by that?!?” asks a Narcissist.
“Because it’s an idiotic insult that’s…so cliche it seems like more of an accidental insult to the person saying it.” says Lacey. She grows suddenly sincerely worried about the person who said it. Are they a bit suicidal? Is that what she’s sensing? Truly…
“Why don’t you get it?!?” asks The Loudest Perfume Hater.
“Get what?!? Everyone is a human.” says Lacey. “You knew I thought that. …I hope?” she says rolling her eyes.
“Lacey…these are actual ghosts. Or you’re writing a really good story.” says The Loudest Perfume Hater. “Isn’t it…amazing it’s Michael Rockefeller?!”
“Yes! I try to be…smart about it. But…everybody is somebody to God.” says Lacey.
“Smart about it?!?” asks The Loudest Perfume Hater.
“Well…humble but not an idiot.” says Lacey.
“Humble…as in you’re astronomically beneath these people?” she asks.
“Nobody knows who I am!” says Lacey like it’s a cool trick. “I almost feel like I’m cheating.”
“That’s why you watch everything you say. Isn’t it?” says a witch to Lacey.
“What? The weird way I just mocked myself by accident?” says Lacey. “Yes! It’s certainly part of it.”
“Does Lem find it funny?” asks the witch.
“No! He’s hurt. …I find it funny, because I don’t take myself too seriously. And Jack and Joe and Kick and Katharine Hepburn…find it hilarious for reasons that are actually quite embarrassing to them.” says Lacey.
“You find it funny?” asks the witch.
“Yes! I enjoy when I act like an idiot. …It’s…a delightful treat.” says Lacey.
“No, I know what you mean.” says the man with Down Syndrome. And he truly does seem to understand.
The witch laughs.
“But that’s the wrong joke.” says Lacey. “I can sense that you have disdain. Self-righteous disdain. …No…it’s far funnier. I’m…nuts maybe.” says Lacey. “Not like mentally-ill but…more the colloquial nuts.”
The Illuminati witch starts to understand.
Prokofiev’s Act 1, Scene 2 starts again.
“So you’re Hyacinth Bucket’s opposite. …And when people compare you to her it’s actually very weird.” says another Illuminati witch.
“I desperately want to call her Hyacinth Bouquet. Yes!” says Lacey. “The thing is…I do feel like I’m cheating. I do! I just can’t get my head out of it.”
“Out of what?!?” ask the Illuminati witch.
“I just can’t see things the way I used to. …I am an empathetic person. …I hope.” says Lacey. “I used to be able to understand people better. But…now I feel like…I can’t wrap my brain around why everyone isn’t best friends?” She fills her cheeks with air and crosses her eyes. “I feel like…”. She shakes her head no. “No! It’s like I’m…out to lunch. But…I can’t shake it.”
“What do you mean?” asks the witch.
“People’s petty squabbles just seem so mundane and idiotic. And…I try to empathize with the poor and I do. But…only when I consider my kids. When I imagine myself being single and poor I instantly look forward to death. And…I don’t understand why anyone bothers trying to survive at all from a personal perspective. …I have no will to live. At all. Aside from honoring my kids and God.” says Lacey. “And it isn’t depression. I just think my life as everyone outside my immediate family including my kids sadistically demands it of me, is absolutely worthless, aside from God’s will. If you’re being treated as I have been and all you have is a Holocaust to look forward to…pray unceasingly to die and be with God in Jesus’s name in Heaven.”
“So you’re saying…a. Why do they hang on? and b. We should stop thinking death is a golden threat to people at this point. Or possibly stop thinking we have clue about the power of evil?” she asks.
“Yes! It’s real futility.” says Lacey. “You’ve jumped the shark. …At least you have for me.”
The Illuminati witch thinks.
“So you have profound fear for the homeless?” asks the witch.
“Yes!” says Lacey. “We shouldn’t kill them. But…I struggle to grasp trying that hard to live if you don’t have kids.”
“I understand!” says Lem.
“It’s admirable!” says the witch.
“It’s…EPIC!” says Lacey. “What is it they cling to? Fear of eternal annihilation at their last breath or…did someone actually love them?!?”
“Go on!” says David Rockefeller.
“Well…I’m here to work. Clearly. No lighthearted fun. EVER! No moment where I’m not fully aware of Hell, possibly. …But…I’m so…me. So…for all I know the actual Michael Rockefeller is my eternal soulmate should Lem be a fraud or an evil fool or something vile. …And so with common logic used today you’d assume I’m not unhappy? Or I’ve been loved by someone hiuuiiuiii somewhere. It’s…creepy and bizarre to wonder seriously if homeless people often have been more truly acknowledged and loved than me. Really odd. …But…what if they have been?” says Lacey.
“Yes! And you’ve been impossible to diminish!” he says.
“Thank you.” says Lacey.
“Actually…I wonder if past generations would have thought you make sense?!” wonders the Illuminati witch.
“Yes! You’re probably right!” says Lacey.
They all think.
“Why don’t people today understand that though?! Is it because they don’t get that kind of emotional and psychological depravation in general?” asks Lem. “We’ve been so culturally sheltered for over a century.”
i’m yours sped up by Isabel LaRosa plays.
“The parents who raised you and your birth mother were all Boomers!” says a woman reading the blog. “Leave it to Boomers to bring back 19th Century parenting. Or what? 18th Century? 17th Century?”
“So you were counting on being in love?” asks a Millennial. “To make your life…palatable.”
“Yes! Very much so!” says Lacey.
“Oh okay! So…there’s nothing wrong with you! …For real. But…you…sanely…can’t figure out what our problems are?” asks a gay perfume hater who feels suddenly awkward.
“What?” asks Lacey.
He laughs. Then, “This isn’t funny.“. He thinks. “Oh wow.” He thinks. “Mom? Like you’re not my mom…but…”. He thinks. “Or grandma!” He thinks. “Okay but like…there’s no ego trip for you?!??”
“You know…I’m kind of like that too! Although I’m not portrayed that way.” says a M. Zuckerberg.
He thinks. He laughs.
“Are you both…insane?!” asks the man.
Lacey laughs. “No! As much I’m very much a Greatest Generation person genetically if I’m Tom’s daughter…the Millennial part of me is rebellious the same way he is.”
“What are you two rebelling against?” he asks.
“Bullshit.” says China. “They’re rebelling against bullshit.”
“I relate.” says the Trump man.
“I bet Vanessa is like that too!!” says the gay man. “Very…like that.”
On The Sea by Beach House plays.
(Adult content below)
“She couldn’t take it!” says Katharine Hepburn. “Lacey essentially walked in us having intercourse!”
“You and Joe?!?” asks the gay man.
“You got it!” says Kate Hepburn.
He thinks. “Why did you two do that to her while she was either losing her mind or being tortured by the Illuminati?!?”
“I can’t stand her.” says Joe. “It’s not her. It’s…this whole business with Michael.”
“On a class level?” asks Lacey casually.
“Yes!” he admits.
“Okay. That’s dumb. You’re a shallow twat.” says Lacey. “And you should get a grip.”
“Lacey, I’ll never be one of them!” he says.
She spits her potato chips in his face. “I anoint you: King of Crapville.”
“But…it’s so much better than that!” he says.
“How so?” asks Lacey.
“I think I’m mostly just interested in glory.” he says.
“Well…that’s pathetic.” says Lacey. “Unless you’re doing it for a country or a cause you believe in its meaningless.”
“Or to save someone!” he says.
“Yes!” says Lacey. “So…are you really that shallow?!?”
“No!” he says trying not to cry.
“Are you madly in love with Pat and Katharine?” asks Lacey.
“No!” he says.
“Then why did you get so involved with them?” she asks.
“I did fall in love. Just…not that in love.” he says
“And you’re claiming you loved me more?” asks Lacey.
“No! I…ruined it for us…possibly.” he says.
“Right! Well…I’m still hoping you have a lovely Purgatory.“ says Lacey.
“I’m sorry I spit at you. And called you pathetic. I’m actually hoping the best for you.” says Lacey to Joe.
“Anyway you can avoid ruining things for Lem for…a hundred to 500 years?!?” Michael asks Joe and the Kennedy family in general.
“Was she always going to love him?!?” Joe asks.
“No! You had a chance. But…sleeping with Katharine Hepburn was not a helpful or particularly mindful choice.” says Joe Sr. like a Millennial parent. “I think…you’re finding your way. But submit to Christ. Don’t forget Heaven.”
“Wow! That’s grim!” says Joe Jr..
“Is it?” asks Lacey.
“Yeah! …Dad, what would you have said?” asks Joe Jr..
He thinks. “Joe…you can’t focus on the past. You’re with God now. It’s time to love! And embrace the cross.” says Joe Sr..
“That’s beautiful!” says Lacey.
Joe Sr. nods morosely.
“No, it really is!” says Lacey.
He looks sad.
“You might want to take your own advice?” asks Lacey. “Or try to untangle your brain and give better advice.”
“I have people I can ask.” he says.
“Do you?!” asks Lacey.
“God! But…other people too!” he says.
“Good!” says Lacey.
“Well…goodnight!” says Lem.