When Lacey was in college in Pennsylvania, there was a young woman who she went to school with named Melissa and Melissa had grown up in Maryland and Melissa‘s family was supposedly related to President Carter President Jimmy Carter, that is. And Melissa wanted to be a lawyer and was involved in many of the political organizations on campus and was in charge of them by the time Lacey arrived at Messiah College, so Lacey had to be friends with Melissa, even though Melissa automatically did not like Lacey. Well Melissa actually was jealous of Lacey for personal reasons. She later later told Lacey that.
“I looked at your straight hair, mine is curly and how pretty you are and I just didn’t like you. I’m sorry. But then God told me that no one had been kind to you in life. People had been very unkind to you and that I should be kind to you.” confessed Melissa at a lunch with Lacey a year or two into them knowing each other.
14 years ago today Melissa wrote on Lacey‘s Facebook wall, “haha.. maybe you should call me then? Or what’s your #? I can call you. Phones work that way.”
And why but there’s no reason why? No, there’s a reason why. …But regardless that’s the kind of presumptuous, crass, heartless attitude that people have had with Lacey. Just perversely pushing her and shoving her around not caring how they affected her.
“Why do we care? You’re not some poor, forgotten AIDS childhood victim in a hospital somewhere?“ says Princess Margaret to Lacey.
“Yes, but your Royal highness your dead and it’s incredibly hard for me to know if I’m even talking to you and yet you’re the only one that seems to understand based on your sarcastic statement just how awful it really actually has been for me.” says Lacey.
“No you didn’t sign up to be so lonely without anyone alive who understood you almost at all your whole life. Or who loved you in any real meaningful way beyond keeping you in the right social class so to speak. …But now that’s the problem isn’t it? Because now you have kids to raise and you need someone to talk to you being social, loving person that you actually really are. You can’t talk to the Jonah Wileys of the world because they don’t understand you and they automatically slightly hate you just like Melissa. but that, seemingly is mostly how people are these days in your country at the very least. And so what do you have left other than talking to the dead and hoping that God understands how profoundly lonely and abandoned you really are? Because all they can do is fume and pout and spit because they can’t stand that I’m loving compared to them and they can’t stand that you exist. And that’s what’s wrong with Lem isn’t it? He seemingly doesn’t understand that part of your misery. One tiny bit.” says Princess Margaret.
“Honestly, whether it’s reincarnation or just the plot-line of my life so to speak, reincarnation being not real but some sort of analogy. …No I don’t think I thought that the Irish would be a problem. I think I thought that that we didn’t have a problem with the Irish in my family, and they would somehow just know that.“ says Lacey.
“If you were reincarnated, you came back because of Africa. You felt bad about what happened in Africa. It had nothing to do with the Irish did it?” says Jada.
“That would be correct. Yes, although I don’t think I probably was reincarnated but no if I was, I came back because of Africa I’m almost certain. Possibly India as well.” says Lacey.
“Did you factor in the Irish or did you just assume that wasn’t a problem if you were reincarnated?” asks Will.
“Then that’s totally unfair to you. It’s totally wretchedly unfair to you even if it’s just an analogy.“ says Princess Margaret to Lacey.
“You know what’s unfair?!? That Lacey has stolen Lem from me even one tiny little bit!” spits JFK “It was mine all right?! That picture of me with him and that woman? I look fucking hot and loved the way that Lacey will never ever be for eternity because I’m better than her and I’m god compared to her and her shit face!” says JFK seriously. “Everyone alive knows that there’s no fucking way that this is serious. He’s just pranking you. He doesn’t mean anything he’s saying and there’s no way you could ever be loved. You’re an ugly worthless piece of nothing.” Jack says daily to Lacey in countless ways. “Why don’t you just believe? Why do you keep hoping that he exists at all for you? How do you know that I didn’t just totally destroy him with my cock baby?! I was just that much better than both of you, but I had time for him. And he loves me more than he will ever love you and I pictures to prove that because he’s looking at me not her he was in love with me. He was madly in love with me. He never loved anyone but me. I was the only human he ever give a shit about all of eternity.” says JFK to Lacey with authority. No humor or irony intended.
“We’ll that’s an interesting analysis of reality. Something tells me that Lem still exists if you were that much of a bully to him if there’s God and and He’s just.” says Lacey. “Regardless, if he was mentally-ill even something tells me, God understood that too about both of you. But the problem is Jack if you expect me to talk to you like you have a sane, rational working mind then what do you want me to say? Because you sound nuts…and totally disenfranchised from reality.”
“We’ll, as long as you understand, that line is mine and always will be annoyed as well as and that you’re an ugly useless piece of shit nothing but I think we’re fine.” says JFK to Lacey. “I’m going to go now. I don’t wanna hear anything you have to say in response to that. Excuse me can I get someone to take me away please?”
“I love how you’re pouting right now like I’m attacking you like I’m some vicious, peasant dog. And I mean, ‘I love’ sarcastically as if you’re losing track of reality in that way.” says Lacey to JFK.
“Shut-up you worthless pig! Go to Hell!” says JFK heartlessly to Lacey.
“Jack here’s the problem: I do exist. And so I’m just wondering again: what do you expect me to say to you because you sound totally insane.” says Lacey calmly.
“You can refer to me as an overlord far above you. I am your extraordinarily supreme superior.” says JFK to Lacey.
“Jack that sounds insane.” says Lacey.
“No, it’s not. You should be worshiping me every minute you talk to me I am not far above you.“ says JFK to Lacey.
“But Jack, I can’t. Not only is that sacrilegious, but it’s also tantamount to lying. Your family and you are not that far above me and mine if you even are above me at all, but can we stop this line of discussion it’s starting to bore me and I’m starting to feel like I’m perversely wasting my time talking to you. I cannot keep patronizing your disgusting silliness. …And if all you have are self-defeating, idiotic lies, then this is a warning to from Heaven possibly isn’t it? Because I don’t know who enabled you to be so violent towards me when I’m already so downtrodden as it is.” says Lacey to JFK.
Lacey motions for Jack to be confiscated by Heaven.
“Now Lem let’s be clear: I have no patience for your mistakes. I have no patience for your insecurities or your foibles or any of that. I have absolutely no patience at all. You made a total ass of yourself if you were straight or you’re a vile, demonic human who thinks it’s funny to violently mock me in my misery. You failed one way or another. You’ve totally failed at pursuing me in any sort of meaningful, happy way. I have no more patience. I’m sorry. …I’m not going to run off into someone else’s arms Lem. I don’t think I could ever love anyone the way that I’ve loved you potentially…not that seemingly anyone or anything cares other than possibly God Himself, although that seems drastic to me at this point to. there is no retribution thought ever sites to make me remotely. Haven’t even one tiny bit.” She thinks. “There is no retribution that would ever suffice to make me remotely happy even one tiny bit. The only person that can solve my woes at this point is God because you’ve failed. …You failed not at being God, but at being a man if my desires and love mean absolutely anything to God at all. …It’s my prerogative to pull the rug out from underneath you perhaps in a more kind, predictable way than what you’ve done to me perhaps in a more kind, predictable way than what you’ve done to mebecause Jack tempt me too damn much right isn’t this just tit for tat, eye for an eye? …There are no Christian ghosts haunting humans in Purgatory in modern society. You’re just a demon harassing me with false hope or a human-demon harassing me with false hope. Because the only way that a ghost could ever talk to human and tell them anything in modern society, is if that human is involved in necromancy. And you’re supposed to know all that, including the fact that I’m not Jack but that he insists and everyone else insists that I am, and that he won’t leave me alone. His whole family gangs up on me and has possibly since I was born. … You’re supposed to know all of that in your approach of me, but seemingly you either didn’t or you’ve been silenced by evil, or you really are just an evil human who finds pleasure in torturing people who are miserable. I am done giving you grace because it’s too disrespectful to you. If you love me you love me. If you don’t you don’t. If you mean anything you’ve ever said and it’s actually what you’re saying…if it’s even true…then that was your life and I’ve done my best to try to understand what you’re saying, and be honest about it. …I am bucking, as they say, – what a crass way to put it – but I am defying, an extraordinarily beloved, deeply held, profoundly deeply held narrative in current culture. That having a room in the White House, seeing history up close and personal, and being Jack’s best friend and having the best gosh, darn friend ever was somehow superior in your passionate love for him than having your own life. Because he was your life, and that was the only life that you could ever have, and the sex was so hot, and your love was so profound that nothing could come between you, except for a woman once in a photo or a couple of them in a couple of photos…because that’s just how evil and awful society was. In people’s minds you are the epitome of EPIC gay love to the point where when is rendered speechless, when they began to try to describe it. …And if that’s not reality, then what you have told me was told to me in such a painfully pedantic, tedious way that even if your heart was in the right place, you failed miserably, and that’s a compliment to you that I shouldn’t even be paying you. …You have defiled me, but I refuse to be defiled because I belong to Christ first and foremost. And I’m not Jack, and when I slept with other men, perhaps it was my way of trying to help you write your own thank you note to make you a little more polite and tolerable to be around. …No, no no…no…no…no. And even as men come on to me right now who should probably be shot point-blank in their head if we had any sense in this country at all…I am still hoping that you can turn things around in your favor, right? I really do love you and I always have and I always will or God will have to somehow dismantle all of reality to fix it. And I’m not Jack. I’m also not Jack reincarnated. …But if you have any sense of honor or dignity, the apology that should be coming to me for having to sit here and say all this to you should be unspeakable in it’s depth and magnitude emotionally. …But there I go doing your job for you and I expect you to fix all of my mistakes and correct all of my errors in my analysis at this moment, at this juncture. I expect a total upheaval of every faultline that I have accidentally created.” says Lacey. “They don’t understand even as I say all that they mock the British and mock me and they mock you, and they mock whatever love you may actually have for me. But if this isn’t who you are, if you’re not capable of that kind of glory, then stop stealing it from someone else and just admit that you were gay and that you’re not gay anymore because it’s all rot…or you were bisexual and you wish that you hadn’t sided with what? A heinous narcissist? …Or if you really are capable of loving me, then I’m not going to keep ruining things by pretending to be happy when I’m not. If you really were straight me, saying that is defying not just all the western society, but possibly all of the world that we’ve been dominating for the last hundred years. And not even to do something so bold as go claim that you love me, but to merely claim that you were straight, and that they purposefully lied about you to protect a family’s ego essentially. To claim that you were a hot-sexy-piece-of-beef that gayly followed Jack around, instead of him being a desperate predatorial freak. …They’re too stupid, should they exist to realize that trying to badger me into believing in their narrative as absolute unequivocal indisputable fact… will never work. Because that’s not how history is written honestly and that’s not how facts are created. …And perhaps the cheering section most obnoxious to have to listen to, are the dead members of Kennedy’s tribe. Those were men who came probably from what? Modest means and saw America as their one great hope? And they can’t stand people like me because I’m not frigid, and I’m serious. I’m far too serious, and their wives look like what? Pieces of ugly shit compared to me in their minds, and they look like sad, laughable, petty, vain disgusting little girls?” She thinks. “Not real little girls who Satan hates because they’re innocent and sweet in reality. But instead freakish creatures from Hell who then manifested into men, who then pretended to know something of some value to humanity.” She thinks. “Am I being too nice? Yes? …I’m sorry I’m not God. I’m not good at rendering out justice. I’m sorry. You can’t destroy my existence you’ll have to go to Hell and burn for eternity if you’re a demon in Jesus’s name, and the only one who can throw me into Hell with you is God Himself, and that’s only if He chooses not you and that’s the end of the story and you and I both know that so let’s stop lying Satan. Or rather I’m sorry that was a lie. Please forgive me God in Jesus’s name. No, you should stop lying Satan. I’m not sure if I am…I don’t feel as though I am and yet maybe I am lying because I’m being too nice. I’ve been far, far too nice. …Lem I’ve been far too nice to you. I but I’ve needed you and so I haven’t had the luxury or the right rather of being honest about how miserable doesn’t begin to describe how you’ve made me.” She thinks. “ I am not a buffoon and I know that if you were straight or even bisexual that it’s far more likely that you’re madly in love with me, than you were ever even remotely in love with Jack. He looks like absolute shit compared to me. That is just objective observational fact. And his saccharine, annoying dog-imitating biting personality is gross, and presumptuous and lowly in the absolute most hideous way compared to my natural kindness and beauty and strength as a person. He’s a joke of a human compared to me and I should never have to say some thing that obvious it’s disgusting. It’s defiling of my soul that I should even have to dignify him with my breath while speaking while he’s dead at all. But the peasants demanded it of me dear…the peasants who worshiped your ass and secretly longed for your cock, and got it through Jack, and still do in their minds at night when they masturbate as they fall sleep after reading Jack and Lem by Harcourt brace Inc.. They need me to explain reality because it’s too baffling to their ugly peasant minds, right? They need me to explain to them that jack seeing you naked because you were molested doesn’t mean that if you were straight or bisexual or you’re straight now…that I don’t exist anymore. No, they think that I don’t exist anymore because you sucked Jack’s cock because you were molested. See I understand that if you were molested that you got genuinely confused, but they don’t understand that, even though they apparently were geniuses of the highest order, who could run the world in their sleep? …No, there are no excuses because there is no sympathy or empathy for me apparently at all especially not if Lem was straight. Oh goodness, no! Not from Jack’s family, not from the dead. No there’s no sympathy for me other than with the elite aristocratic posh fools, who shot Jack. I am not the devil.
I’m not the the Devil! It shouldn’t be so difficult to see my humanity if people are so established and grand and great as to be able to create so-called American democracy. And they ruined the entire fucking world, in my opinion with their desire for your cock and their stupidity in thinking that if you were molested by a priest, and if then you in your sweetness and innocence at 14 got confused and wholeheartedly, devoted yourself to a fallacy. That you somehow would become through demonic alchemy, the reality of what was merely a lie.
Because to them Jesus said Himself that the rich never get to Heaven. They’re ugly, stupid filthy worms and they wiggle their way even as children all for nothing. Because being poor in America means that you’re automatically superior to all humans everywhere, who ever existed, in their minds. And you being born rich, and Episcopalian and then becoming poor and succumbing to the objective, rational, kind and loving molestation of that lovely priest, was a victory for their version of Jesus. Because to them, you are a straight prissy freak, who knew far too much about interior design, and drapery, to matter at all, even to God himself. You could never love a woman or be loved by a woman in any normal American Way. Oh no, you’re so prissy and posh and English that you’re essentially just a faggot to them. …Even if you were straight, you’re really just somehow still gay, right? They say, ‘Eww! He’s not like us. He’s not a red blooded American man! He’s not a God-fearing red blooded American man. Eww!’ Because if you’re in love with me, you’re not like them. And they can’t lose you. You are their Tolkien-Precious. They can’t lose you! You were their magic gift from an evil, disgusting priest if you were straight. But they don’t see him as being evil if you were straight oh no, no, no remember no no. He did God’s bidding in their minds. Possibly the entire Kennedy administration still thinks that that somehow was proof that homosexuality is something God himself just doesn’t understand yet and as the hip intellectual 1960s crew, they’ll have to explain it to God slowly over time and their infinite wisdom. No, they can’t even bare to acknowledge how handsome you were and how out of Jack’s league, you were.
If you sucked Jack’s cockc mom to enjoy yourself at all out of gross misunderstanding of yourself due to the molestation or any sort of misunderstanding of anything…what mattered is that your lips were on Jack’s cock and you didn’t vomit..at least not nearly enough. It doesn’t matter. If you didn’t enjoy it. It doesn’t matter if you were straight to them. No!!! It does matter to them at all because what’s straight in light of Jack’s grandeur?!? And what’s Jack’s grander Jack’s grander is his hair and his eyes and his body. Every inch of it! Never mind the fact that he looks like a puny ugly man in comparison to you. …The point to them is that you sucked Jack’s cock and then I lose! I lose, I lose, I lose, I lose, I lose! I tell you in their minds I lost fair and square! I’ve lost cause your lips touched Jack’s cock. …And they can’t stand the thought that something matters beyond them and their ego and their vain imaginations that the elite of the past were as cowardly and easily besotted with stupidity is the elite of today. …I knew you’d had your lips on Jack’s cock. I thought you were madly in love with him when you came onto me, but I thought maybe you might love me more not because I’m infinitely superior to Jack but because you could just love someone else because you’re someone else and people are complicated. I’ve had my lips on the cocks of men who I hope to only run into in Heaven 500 years from now if necessary and I don’t mean that necessarily at all out of spite, but simply because I have such little regard for their company at all, objectively speaking. Not that many men really only one but still I do understand that people move on and things change, and sometimes our uniquenesses dictate far more than people like. …But if you were straight and molested and that very well may be possible I cannot constantly argue with millions, billions of people who insist otherwise, including Jack himself possibly. Because they need you guy guy guy guy by as you are their Tolkien-Precious. You are their evil alchemy, perfect straight man who sucked Jack’s cock, Jack’s very own cock, the cock of a Kennedy, who had millions and millions of Dollars to throw away. While you Lem Billings were poor and dependent on Jack? If you were straight they have legitimized and romanticized the truest form of sodomy to ever exist. And all for what? For the ascendancy of the American middle-class to the British crown as has done by Meghan Markle. Into the British minds as it did with Margaret Thatcher who was more American than British in my humble opinion. And as a side-note I hope dear Margy Thatcher someday has the guts to apologize to me. …Because if she really was that mean to Queen Elizabeth II, I deserve an apology too. We all do, sincerely Margaret we all do you’re welcome pointing that out to you.”
“Lacey, I am going to imitate Jack Kennedy for a minute…minute if they will let you speak. Lacey, every British person to ever exist and their ancestors and descendants all owe me an enormous apology. I owe no one an apology for anything I ever said or did. I was like God to Queen Elizabeth II! It’s amazing that any particle of dust that was on my shirt ever floated in her vicinity. …And on that note, I hear by declare you Irish because that’s the thing you hate most right? Or maybe you’re black or Portuguese or whatever it is that you don’t want to be… Move forward Lacey and stop being yourself and be whatever I tell you, you are, because he he ha ha I was the Prime Minister of England…and golly…that means so much more than God himself. Lacey, getting back to the apology that’s owed me: I expect all human beings to grovel at my feet, lick my shoes and giggle and then I expect everyone who ever loved anyone to love me more. My father should love me more than he loved my mother, my mother, should love me more than he loved my father. She loved my father. …Because I don’t understand giving to people or loving anyone. Everything is about loving me, so don’t be surprised when I cheat! GOLLY! Why wouldn’t I cheat?!?? …You silly ducks!! You’re all helplessly and madly in love with me so I will never be faithful to any of you. All the things that were created are my playthings! I am bigger than the Devil and bigger than God! I am MARGARET THATCHER don’t you understand?! It’s so…easy to grasp!” says Margaret Thatcher.
“Oh Margaret would but you notice anyone for more than five seconds.” says Lacey.
“It’s not that I’m insane! Lacey people to leap at me. Oh no no I should preface everything I’m saying that no one paid my supporters but that it’s just that I am so sexually magnetic that when I walk around in my lacey under things men leap at me, Lacey everywhere I go. Hundreds of men leap. I have more sexual power in my little pinky, then Marilyn Monroe naked, just like Jack, just like Jack, I walk out the door, and suddenly everyone’s in love with me. I have more sexual power in my little pinky than Marilyn Monroe naked. Just like Jack, just like Jack! I walk out the door, and suddenly everyone’s in love with me. …it’s funny how Elvis never had as much of a problem with people leaping at him as I have. …Anyway, getting back to the apology that I expect from every human to ever exist. I want it written on the finest of all papers to ever be created. I want it to say, ‘Dear Margaret, You are the most beautiful woman to ever exist. The smartest, the kindest, the most downtrodden, most rare, exceptional, magnetic, amazing, astounding, provocative, mysterious, creative, intelligent woman, to ever exist. You loved your kids more but you also hated them more than any woman to ever live. You are the epicenter of all of humanity. It is amazing to me to think that you smiled as you were forced into the downtrodden state of being a god or goddess rather, you should have been seen as something more than God you poor sad thing. I she’ll write a romance novel, vindicating you you poor, sad, wretched thing for no one should have a fate like yours to be as great and glorious as you are, and have to settle for world overlord. Yes, you had flaws because like Jesus, you tried to understand what it meant to be human. …And it’s funny how Sir Winston Churchill, if he had ever spoken with me would have been so mistaken if not to bow before me and say, ‘My, how could you possibly happen to born English you glorious…dare I say glorious creature of all that one could ever imagine, in Heaven and in Earth.’” Margaret Thatcher stops. “It’s sad Lacey that they don’t understand that that’s how Jack Kennedy comes across to us.”
“Lacey, I may be American but I’m not that stupid.” says Michael Rockefeller.
“And I don’t expect you to believe me anymore if I ever did. That was a horrible thing to expect of you if I did and I was in denial about what I done to myself. I’m sorry and I’m sorry obviously isn’t good enough. Truly it isn’t.” says Lem to Lacey. “I’d just like to point out though that we don’t look like we’re reacting to each other in that photo. We don’t match up the way that Rip and Jack did. I look like I’m looking at someone who’s sweet and tender and and I’m positive I was looking for a woman even if the woman I was looking at wasn’t who I thought she was. I was over thinking about her and her reaction and about Jack or anything to do with Jack in that moment. …We don’t look like we planned well if we planned at all how to take that photo. …I just get angry that no one believes that I could’ve faked being gay. It’s not that hard to imitate a gay man, straight male actors do it all the time.”
“Make my day you seemed gay…and I am an expert because I’m a gay man, OK bitch? I’m gonna take Lacey’s directive and assume that you’re now back to normal and madly in love with Jack until you meet me.” says a gay man.
“See I am gay right so when I think about my female friends when I masturbate and get off, it doesn’t mean anything. You know I mean I’m gay I’m not gross that’s like it. Why would you ever want a woman because they’re just so weird right? I mean unless if you’re lesbian but that’s different! But you know sometimes I do think about women I do but I’m probably still gay right? I mean I’ve got to still be gay…I can’t possibly be bisexual that’s just so weird.” says another gay man. “OK have you heard about what they’re doing in the American south?!? They’re starting a new updated holocaust better than the first where they’re killing off the homosexuals, the sexiest ones first!”
“Lacey, you have a wounded me!” says a lesbian seriously to Lacey pretending to cry.
“Well I guess they’ll kill you first!” says Louis to the gay man.
“Don’t say that! I’m just an average, normal man!” says the gay man.
“Then why would I be with you? When I could be with a man who outranks Margaret Thatcher!” says Lem.
“Honestly Lacey I think you keep misunderstanding I think what he’s trying to say is that he’d rather be with Jack than with you. And we have tried to explain that to you so many times.” says Bobby.
“That makes no sense.” says Lacey.
“No I don’t wanna listen to your pedantic, idiotic rubbish. I’m an overlord and you do as I say, I am the genius between us you flipping idiot. by the way, I’m saving your life you owe me.” says Bobby to Lacey.
“But you’ve tried to kill me several times haven’t you?” asks Lacey.
“See there you there you go falling in love with me!” says Bobby.
“I’m not falling in love with you, I don’t even really find you attractive at all necessarily. You play this game where you pretend to be my friend and then you do something that may actually threaten my life. Should you be in the illuminati should the illuminati exist. Sweetie, I don’t hate you. But I do see you as a failure, and a mentally-ill buffoon. Should the Illuminati exist and should you be a part of it you should’ve never doubted that I was possibly talking to your uncle in reality, if you ever did doubt it.” says Lacey.
“I don’t understand your self-righteous towards us.” says Louis to the American middle class.
“We’re not middle class!!” yells JFK. “I’m not middle class!”
“Lem…why not eat my cooking before you decide how you feel about me?” says the gay man to Lem.
“He’s not eating anyone’s cooking but Jack’s!” says Bobby as if he’s talking to willful children.
“Why does Lem have to be faithful to Jack?!” asks Margaret Thatcher.
“He didn’t! He dated four men for a few months each! A year maybe even, at one time!” says Kick indignantly.
“See! He cheated on me!” says JFK. “But I overlooked it because Lem’s so worthless compared to me I can’t help but be big about it!”
“Did you cheat?!” asks a living gay man of JFK.
“You might say that. But…I’m JFK.” says JFK seriously. “And see Lem came on to me and that’s historical fact. And…I’m not at liberty to discuss it. See I was gay and he came on to me or he was at least somewhat gay. I wasn’t really gay at all and anyway I was straight.”
“￼Then why do you care if he’s with Lacey?” asks a man.
“I don’t really! This whole thing is in Lacey’s vain imagination, if you know what I mean.” says JFK.
“So you never kissed Rip?!” asks a Gen Z woman of JFK.
He smiles. “Yeah…right. Like you care?”
“What if I do?!” asks the woman.
“I never had sexual relations with any man. Ever. …Ever.” says JFK seriously.
“What about Lem?!??” asks the woman.
JFK fumes. “He made me act gay! Every time I was seduced by him.”
“Did you actually initiate the entire thing with him, Jack?” asks the Gen Z woman.
“I would never have to initiate anything ever. I was always on the receiving end. That’s the historical fact!” says JFK.
“What about Janet? She refused you.” says a Millennial to JFK.
“No! She didn’t even exist!” says JFK.
“No, your dad had a secretary. And she never gave in to your advances.” says the Millennial woman to JFK.
“She did too! Dozens of times!” says JFK.
“Jack you slept with her?” asks Margaret Thatcher.
“No! I only cheated twice.” says JFK seriously. “We had a few marital problems. But before I was assassinated I was very close to Jackie.”
“Did you just find women icky?” asks a gay man of JFK.
“I thought they were okay.” says JFK.
“Just okay?!” asks the gay man.
“No, kinda gross. But vaginas do feel great!” says JFK.
“￼Did you have lots of gay friends at Choate?!” asks the gay man.
“Yes!” says JFK smiling.
“And they told you about Lem? Or Lem found out about you through them? Or what?” asks the gay man.
“I came on to Lem.” says JFK. “And then he started sending me notes on toilet paper.”
“Why?!” asks the gay man.
“Why?!” asks JFK.
“Did you stalk Lem?” asks the gay man.
“I wanted him.” says JFK.
“And then you pretended like he was insane and it was the other way around?” asks a lesbian of JFK.
“Maybe. But he asked for it. When I first came on to him…he acted so disgusted. But…then I told him off and he fell for it and pursued me.” says JFK.
“Lem has tried to explain this to Lacey for months hasn’t he?!” asks a Gen Z woman of JFK.
“Yeah! So what?!” says JFK.
“So you victimized a vulnerable young man. And he probably was the straight one. Right, Jack? If this is the actual truth.” says a Gen Z woman to JFK.
“Yeah!” says JFK. “But he was obsessed with me.”
“Was he?!” asks Lem’s sister.
“Yeah.” says JFK.
“He was…but not the way you suggest.” says Lem’s sister. “My brother wasn’t…that emotionally…strong.”
Zero by Electric Guest plays.
Lacey wears Floris Soulle Ambar.
All are quiet.
Only HRH Princess Margaret is able to laugh.
Jack is serious.
Joe Kennedy Jr. is very serious.
Lem looks ashamed.
Queen Elizabeth II looks thoughtful.
Lacey looks vindicated but saddened.
Michael Rockefeller looks patient and wistful.
Joe Kennedy Jr. scoffs bitterly.
J. D. Rockefeller looks both enraged and saddened…
Rip looks embarrassed and yet also terribly melancholy.
“I warned you!” says Thomas Banks to Joe Kennedy Senior.
And at that Kick looks discombobulated.
Queen Elizabeth II laughs.
“And you may ask yourself why?” narrates Desmond Guinness. “In the shower Lacey worked over every nuance of Lem’s voice for the 30th time. 100th? In his recorded conversation with JFK. And as she’s analyzed every angle fairly thoroughly…and tried on a variety of perspectives on both JFK and Lem’s parts…she’s finally found the exact frame of mind that works for Lem. Not just in certain portions of the conversation she’s analyzed maybe 200 times? Literally. She loves analyzing things to their microscopic detail. …And…anyway this new perspective works from start to finish and makes sense of every tiny utterance and even minute inflection, potentially. …But it’s a doozy.”
Zero by Electric Guest starts over.
“Lem was an asshole!” yells Joe Jr..
“Yeah? Really? Huh. …How?!” asks Lem.
Queen Elizabeth II’s eyes open wider as she raises her eyebrows.
“You side with them? Or us?” asks Joe Jr. of Lacey.
“How was I an ass?!? EXPLAIN!!!” yells Lem.
“Both!? …I side with God.” says Lacey.
“Lacey…he despised us.” says Joe.
“He thought you were beneath him. And he didn’t care if Jack misunderstood him. He lied by omission. He felt such superiority and genuine coldness toward you and your tribe that…he didn’t care if you thought he was madly in love with Jack. …He just…didn’t care.” says Lacey. “And so…if I understand him correctly…it makes sense he’d let your kids die if they pushed him too far. And…if he wasn’t in love…at some point he let Jack fall into his own narcissistic psychosis. He just…stopped caring.”
“And you’d have been more honest?” asks Joe.
“I have a sense that that’s not fair.” says Lacey.
“So was Lem even sad at all?” asks Gore Vidal.
“If this perspective holds…yes. But primarily in regret.” says Lacey.
Perfect Life by Belong plays.
Joe Kennedy Sr. cries, covers his mouth.
“Why?!” asks J. D. Rockefeller of Lacey.
“Because he took Jack’s life for granted in a way. And I think Lem felt…guilty for Jack’s death.” says Lacey.
Jack furrows his brow in dismay.
“Because he let him ruin himself?” says Michael. “While pretending to be his best friend. Actually while claiming boastfully to have truly been his best friend. …When really…he didn’t care deeply…at all.”
“Exactly. It’s…so cold.” says Lacey.
Joe Kennedy Jr. shifts uneasily.
“Do you still love Lem?” asks Queen Elizabeth.
“Yes. But I don’t understand.” says Lacey.
“What don’t you understand?” asks JFK’s secretary.
“He didn’t handle him honorably, if he was secretly straight.” says Lacey.
“Even if Jack attacked him?” asks JFK.
Lacey thinks. “No. He should have found a way to…end things more honorably.”
“Like how?” asks Lem’s father.
“Like how?!?” asks Lacey incredulously.
Lem’s father laughs and nods his head in understanding.
“But then my brother would be dead!” says Joe Jr..
“Your brother IS dead.” says Lacey.
“Yeah. But dead far sooner, Lacey.” says Joe Jr..
“Are you mocking me or do you not understand why that’s necessary?” asks Lacey
“I’m mocking you.” says Joe.
“I just don’t see it making sense. How did it make sense?” Lacey asks Lem.
And at that Joe Kennedy Jr. weeps over losing Lacey.
Wait by M83 plays.
“I didn’t necessarily care but in my defense I was raised that way.” says Lem.
“I’m not like like that either, Lacey.” says Louis.
Holiday House by Beach House plays.
“You were raised not to care if you ruined someone else’s life if they were your spouse?” asks Lacey.
“I enjoyed him sometimes. Not sexually. But…his company. And I had grown tired of him…even in that regard in many ways. …I had tried to care but I didn’t have it in me beyond some friendship and so I was just playing a role.” says Lem. “I didn’t think it was my job to burst his bubble and I barely understood myself how little I was allowing myself. I thought Jack was…a fool. A gay fool. But let’s say I didn’t understand homosexuality almost at all. And to me he was not my everything. …He was a man I felt loyal to. …But he had ruined my life and I knew that somewhat…and…I deeply resented him. …And I didn’t think he was owed anything either.” says Lem.
“Not owed anything, as in I was a drug addicted, Irish Catholic gay fool?” asks JFK.
“You weren’t seemingly straight, Jack. …And…no. You were…trash.” says Lem.
Lacey looks lost.
“I can’t decide if I feel sympathy for Jack or pity or empathy, or if I am wondering if I’m misaligned and caring about people like that the way that I do by nature.” says Lacey. “And even if it always ends up that I find evidence suggest this is you and that you’re not falling moving my leg it’s still hard to believe because it really does contradict the popular narrative Lem. I’m sorry if you’re not lying and it’s you.”
“Hey, I understand. It’s OK.” says Lem. “Here’s what you don’t understand Lacey: people like Jack are a dime a dozen. And I ruined my life and myself by taking him and his family far too seriously my whole life. Well, that literally my whole life but in a sense, my whole life and I regret it I obviously regretted it. I did care when he died, but it was mostly because I was worried about his widow and his kids and his family and the country. And I did have regrets like you suggested. …I often look back at my life and regret taking people seriously who didn’t deserve it. What exactly is it though dearest that you do? Because you call them peasants and I have a feeling it isn’t in the same way that I may have said it.”
“To me they’re peasants, but they’re still people. If they’re even peasants at all, but if they are peasants, it’s tragic. It isn’t something that I am happy about and it it doesn’t it doesn’t seem normal to me. It seems tragic and part of the fallen world.“ says Lacey.
“So to you, it’s part of the decay of the fallen world the there are peasants, like they’re not supposed to really be peasants any more than we’re supposed to be sick and die of old age?” says Lem.
“Yes, something like that except far worse.” says Lacey.
“But they truly are evil, Lacey and I got tired of being their victim. I got tired of being mischaracterized if I was.” says Lem. “So how are they not just trash?”
“If you were straight, I understand. You got taken advantage of by the whole family. But I don’t think a human can be trash. Right? They might go to Hell but that’s by choice.” says Lacey.
“Yes! But as much as humans can be trash…they are.” says Lem.
“Lacey I don’t think that you and I see eye to eye on this topic but I don’t think this is a conversation we should be having right now on this blog because I’m not going to let you go. I’m not going to let you out of your marriage for eternity with me unless God says otherwise. I am never going to let you go if I’m actually truly Lem Billings and I love you.” says Lem.
“I know what you mean. The thing is I almost feel like by overstating how much you hate them you secretly love them but maybe you just actually really don’t care, and that just astounds me.“ says Lacey.
“Because you would never pretend to be someone’s friend or lover unless if you actually genuinely meant it. I would…I would. But I would. When you suck someone’s cock and you don’t love them at all, and you’re not even all that attracted to them necessarily at all…actually, you’re not attracted to them at all in my case…but they want to hang onto you…and you feel something akin to a sort of duty… and sometimes do you have fun…you start to have regrets later in life in, and you realize the whole time you were faking most if not all of your closeness and affection and you don’t regret not truly caring you regret that they took your time at all and yet you’d really rather not be alive at all.” says Lem.
“But why fake it? Why, why not just be alone?” says Lacey.
“Because they won’t let you go. They always need you always. They depend on you they say. And you do feel a certain sort of duty to them.” says Lem. ￼
“But I would just have gone anyway. I wouldn’t of cared. I would’ve realize that the higher priority was honesty and that that was my greatest duty as a Christian and as a person.” says Lacey.
“I thought it was my duty.” says Lem. “Yes much like a dutiful husband in a dead marriage.” says Lem. “No irony or pun intended. Let’s talk more later Lacey on this blog.”
The next morning:
“I experimented with other teenage boys after I was molested. …It became my way of living, although not my identity. …The experimenting was my way of trying to figure out what it meant to be gay. It’s possibly also how Jack actually knew of me, so to speak. …I actually thought it was…rather blasé. I wanted sex though…and it was a consenting teen my age…so I thought it wasn’t the end of the world but it was a physiological reaction not true arousal and I didn’t long for these young men. I more or less just…asked around.” says Lem. “It was asexual sexual activity on my part when I experimented with the other young men. And I mean…I wasn’t really into it at all but…I thought I was gay and so I consented and…it was sexual touch so physiologically I felt slightly aroused. I could close my eyes and imagine it was a girl.” He thinks. “And it was infinitely better than being molested, obviously.”
“What was it like giving men oral sex?” asks a gay man of Lem.
“I was molested. And I was very ignorant about sex in many ways before and after. So I I just assumed oral sex was the way it was done when sex was gay. …See…the fact that I had a physiological response during being molested was what made me think I was a homosexual. And it never occurred to me that it could just be meaningless and part of how I was being abused. I was…a big, smart kid and I didn’t feel vulnerable in that way and it was before the 1950’s even..so it was easy to make excuses for the priest and assume I’d wanted it. …Actually, to clarify, it did occur to me that I might not have wanted it but I couldn’t get over the fact that I had had a physical reaction to being touched by a man. Actually I knew I didn’t want it…but I just kept thinking that the physical reaction I had had meant something I couldn’t honestly or honorably ignore. So…yes…I did ‘suck cock’ but…it was gross and…I learned to just…drift off in my mind while I was doing it as much as possible. I didn’t enjoy it at all in a sexual way. It was just the protocol. …I didn’t furtively date men. I…did date men…who were most likely having an actual homosexual experience in life…however I was not and I was…secretive and hesitant and I didn’t want it in reality.” says Lem (seemingly). “I learned how to act gay. But as Lacey has said…you can hear in my voice if you listen closely enough that I don’t actually sound queer. There’s a subtle roundness and lightness to gay men’s voices that they probably wouldn’t necessarily want to admit to having. Bisexual men have it too, but they also sound straight. …Jack had it in his voice. I did not. …And it’s not about pitch or lisp or vibrancy or lilt or how gentle they sound. It’s about an innate sound to their voices.”
“So all homosexual activity seemed gross and yet you forced yourself to act gay?” asks a gay man of Lem.
“Yes. I did. I thought it was just my curse and so I went with it because I thought it was a curse but I also thought it was best to honorable and sophisticated about it.” says Lem. “I wanted women but…I didn’t see it as necessary to have sex with them. And beautiful women weren’t just throwing themselves at me.” He thinks. “I didn’t think it was right to be a homosexual but…I thought we were deformed and diseased…like people born without a foot. Like diseased Jack. I once commented that I’d be able to write a book about his disease of homosexuality to insult him not to diagram our sexual exploits in a pornographic way. I thought they weren’t going to Hell so much as they were helplessly deformed. …The photos of my ass and my head in Jacks crotch are vile. I was trying to be…Jack’s friend…and the poseswere his idea. He thought it would be funny. And I thought he might be right because it was daring and rebellious to be so open about what he was having me do. …I was cringing in every photo though. As much as I also smiled. He was ecstatic… The photos were his idea. And I went along with them as best I could. …and felt joy in rebellion…and youth…and life…and what I thought was friendship…but…whether they were his pornography or his joke that my ass was free but my mouth was taken…I shockingly for some to read..didn’t have a real desire for him at all and it wasn’t fun for me the way he had fun. …I was molested by Jack in a way too possibly. And you know…it’s also possible I didn’t realize what he was getting out of those photos and he just told me what to do and I did it. But regardless…I don’t think you have realized how repulsed I possibly secretly was. …It’s too baffling?” He thinks. “The important part is that I was not necessarily genuinely interested in what he wanted me to do and it actually was repulsive to me potentially. As in it actually may have made me physically ill and mentally unstable but I still did it because I thought I was gay and I had been raped by Jack and I thought it was fine.”
“So you didn’t want him at all?” asks a living woman incredulously of Lem.
“No. He raped me. To put it succinctly, he raped me. …He seemed nice. We had fun as friends and then he was possibly very aggressive and insistent and pushy and I said no…but…that was possibly never what he wanted…and I enjoyed his company so I decided to go along with it and try being his boyfriend and then essentially his husband. But…it wasn’t love or lust and I was coerced into it.“ He thinks. “I didn’t pick him. It was all through mere chance and his interest in me. That’s what I’m saying… He connived to make it seem like my affliction and my interest in him but really he was the mastermind behind the whole thing and he was the one who made the advances every time. I may have thought his company merited notes on toilet paper if I ever even did that…and I might not have… But if I did…it was just to have a boyfriend and because he seemed so interested in me and it was convenient and available. And we got along well enough to have actual innocent non-sexual fun on occasion. He was closeted and determined to seem straight and I was straight and trying to be gay. …I never made love to him. I never truly enjoyed anything we did sexually or romantically at all in any authentic way at all…and it’s obnoxious how desperately people today cling to the Kennedy’s lies.” He thinks. “None of you have proof. And conjecture goes beyond normal limits in people’s examinations of my life. But people today aren’t as scrupulous about the truth as they once were.” He thinks more. “I wasn’t open about what happened with Jack and I was far too quiet and only openly publicly passive aggressive about what bothered me. …And I hated him. I was seething when I said my infamous quotation about the room in the White House. I was mad at him and trusting that that was clear, because I didn’t expect to be seen as delusional for thinking I could have had my own wife and family. It wasn’t about gay marriage and the life of a closeted gay man because I never came out as gay. That wasn’t the context culturally at that time nor was the speaker openly discussing gay marriage because the speaker had never come out as homosexual and that speaker was me. …I wasn’t declaring a victory for life with Jack so much as insinuating ironically that he never left me alone and I didn’t get a chance to have a family because of his obnoxious amount of clingy, patholinterference in my life… This is what Lacey thinks in her most honest mind that I’m saying. And I’m saying he was the public’s perception of me in terms of desperation and delusion about the two of us. He narcissistically turned the story upside down to save his ego and to avoid pain and win. …I was furious when I asked the question I asked and I assumed that it was obvious I should have gotten married no matter how much time I spent in the White House or how great of a friend he was. …And I was only partially aware of my profound overall rage.” He thinks. “I never came out because I wasn’t actually gay. It wasn’t because I was discreet and protective of Jack or the Kennedy family. I wasn’t even that discreet. It’s spin to say I was discreet.” He thinks. “I was secretive and private. But…I gave drugs to Jack’s teenage nephews knowing it could kill them. I wasn’t that protective of that family. …I might have secretly hated them and for what they did to me and my life. Those kids might have seemed like real menaces and I patronized them but after they were olderdidn’t truly care if they died.”
“At what age did you stop caring?” asks a Kennedy indignantly.
“So you wanted a boyfriend?!” asks a Millennial woman.
“Once they were old enough to start trying to talk me into using drugs or talking their siblings into it they were old enough to face the consequences of their actions. Jack was a teenager when he ruined my life…and I was never lonely again. He bothered me incessantly but I was being far too mysterious for anyone’s own good when I said he made a big difference in my life. …I think you’ve got to take your liberal indoctrination glasses off and you’ll see that my words sound off if I was being so adamantly against marriage for myself. I meant he made a difference for the worse but it doesn’t sound like that because I was being sarcastic and coy and ironic. And I thought I loved him. …I knew something was wrong with my life and I hated him…and the love was boring and what was really platonic at best…but…I still was figuring out that I wasn’t gay at all. It’s not as if I had these great marriages around me and could see how bad it was for me. I knew it wasn’t great…but I assumed it was just an average love and that all that sexy stuff was just beyond my reach.” He thinks. “Of course all that sexy stuff is just actual sexuality but I didn’t know that. I thought it was just some beautiful ideal that was mostly unattainable.” He thinks. “Lacey barely believes this. It’s what I’m saying so don’t attack her with your own lies or your opinion on anything. You’ve already lost if your heart is in the wrong place with God. Because I have an explanation for everything. Or I wasn’t ever going to be with Jack forever because our love was never that deep or that great by comparison to what is genuinely possible in life or I was gay and that is actually a disease and then honestly…it wasn’t even real at all…and it wasn’t that great or deep then either. Don’t be so perversely slow!”
“But you slept with Lacey to go get Joe. And then you can’t tell her you love her because you don’t. Right?!” asks a Boomer.
“No! The first time I slept with Lacey I told her I didn’t want to share her with anyone. And that was years ago now!” says Lem. “I don’t want to share her with anyone and I didn’t sleep with her to get with any man in any way.”
“Lem why did you want a boyfriend?” asks a Gen Xer.
“Because of the fact that humans in most civilizations are married off. And because I thought it was the right thing to do if I was gay. Like…I should get a boyfriend if I’m gay because that’s a healthy thing to do when you’re gay. Like you get a spouse either way, except my spouse was supposed to be a man, I thought.” says Lem.
“But you didn’t believe in gay marriage?” asks a gay man.
“No! It wasn’t a thing. And I basically felt married to Jack even though I wasn’t happy and he got married to someone else. …But I wasn’t happy. He was! He always was happy around me. But I was dying inside. I acted happy to be strong but I wasn’t actually truly happy.” says Lem. “And over time I stopped caring about him almost at all…even when he’d say things like, ‘You and me are what makes me happy and we are the only real marriage that I’ve ever known.’ if he did. Because he was that obtuse about my actual feelings or he enjoyed hurting me or both.” Lem thinks. “I wanted to be with someone. Isn’t that what bothers you? Because that’s not gay for a man to want but Americans made it gay. Gay or gullible or stupid. See…if it’d been the love story of the ages why didn’t I say that? And if you’re honest you have to admit I didn’t.” He fumes. “My language about him is tender possibly and loyal…but it never rises to the level of passion it should. And don’t preach to me about the closet of that era. I had plenty of opportunities to be passionate about Jack and I never took any of them. No! What I’m objectively saying is that I didn’t sound that in love.” He thinks. “Actually, Lacey found that odd about me possibly. Because I sound so…blasé relatively speaking.”
“But you said you loved him your whole life?” asks a woman.
“That could have been about friendship. That wasn’t that passionate of a statement really.” says Lem. “And I’m not that bad with my words.”
“How about, ‘I’ve always loved Jack.’ Do you see the difference? ‘I’ve always loved Jack’ versus ‘I loved Jack my whole life.’ How about this? I could’ve said this, ‘I always loved Jack. Jack was incredibly special to me. He was my very best friend. I spent my whole life enjoying his company.’ See according to all of you and the logic you use when you analyze my words I could say something that passionate or even more passionate and open and have still somehow magically been in the closet. …How about this? ‘Ever since the day I met Jack, he was a shining beacon of hope for me. He was my joy, my life, my purpose for being. Everyone always says that and it’s true. There will never be another man like Jack. He was one of a kind. He was an original. And I am fortunate to have spent even the sadly short amount of time that I spent with him.’” He thinks. “I said he was better at painting than me and that might’ve been me patronizing him or I might’ve just been trying to make him sound homosexual.” He thinks. “Why didn’t I say, ‘Jack held a place in my heart that no one else can touch!’ or ‘I loved Jack my whole life. …You know Jack made a big difference in my life. He may have been the reason I never got married. Because of him I was never lonely. I could have had a wife and family of my own but what the hell? …I’ll ask you to decide what would have been the happiest life I could have lived. Being Jack Kennedy’s best friend and in him finding the greatest friend anyone could ever ask for…having my own room in the White House, being present for the most important moments of Jack’s presidency, having the freedom to live my life with truth and dignity, being like a second father to the next generation of Kennedys who will shape the future of our country…or settling down, getting married and living somewhere?’? I never was that clear. Stop lying and claiming I was obviously in love with Jack.”
There Is a Light That Never Goes Out by The Smiths plays.
“The real problem is that whole entire conversation was possible because of how much Lacey loves me and how much I love Lacey. Lem was gay and this is his way of dealing with the fact that Lacey has never said that homosexuality is certainly evil and insane, or he was bisexual, and this is his way of dealing with the fact that nobody can handle that he loves Lacey more than he could love anyone have any gender, or he really was straight and unfortunately that’s harder to believe than it should be. …But regardless, I worry Lem fails to understand his supposed soulmate. She’s never been as happy as Jack made you when he was molesting you…because she was never loved, Lem. …Lem…you had joy because you were loved by your parents and your family in general and your friends. …You had hope. That’s part of what Jack molested if he did. Your soul…Lem. …Do you care that she’s never that…gay?” says Michael Rockefeller.
Marion Barfs plays.
“I need time to respond.” says Lem.
“I’m going to have to go slowly. I’m too hard to hear otherwise.” says Lem. “I’m incapable of being Lacey. And yet I’m like her. And she’s my absolute ideal in every way a woman exists as a woman in the eyes of God. …Her sadness is astounding and exquisite and I never experienced it. I can imagine it or experience it from my perspective but…that’s empathy not actually being her. I don’t have the ability to become her. …I can become one with her…and she can be fully mine. …And yet I’ll never be her. …I don’t feel burdened by her pain. I feel seduced by it. …I wasn’t happy to be molested…I was just loved by my family. And…I did rely on that. And I try not to take advantage of her vulnerability with me. I wish she was happy…but I’ll have to make her happy.” says Lem.