Great Scott

Turns out Zelda Fitzgerald has always had a fairly decent grasp of Lacey and her deep psychology. If we should call it that.

Zelda grew-up in the south and was very close to her mother. Lacey had a mother whose father had a very old southern name from the 1700s. Lacey‘s mother who raised her has a father, who she resembles and thinks like.

It’s profoundly comforting to Lacey when Zelda is loving. It reminds Lacey of the way that she assumed growing-up that she was loved and it could easily have been love in some cases, maternal love, but both Zelda Lacey highly doubt that it was.

Still, when Zelda is loving to Lacey, again, it’s incredibly comforting because on a certain level, Zelda understands Lacey and her deep psychology. In a sense Lacey and Zelda were raised by very similar mothers except Zelda’s mother loved her and Lacey‘s mother did not love Lacey.

“She understands Lacey’s madness. She may have even helped create it.” says Scott.

“It’s a beautiful culture.” they both say at the exact same time.

“They may even be distantly related if not by blood, then by legalities I guess you could say, and nurture not nature.” says Lem.

“Lem are you related to both Lacey and Zelda? You do actually look really like Lacey’s mother who raised her and you do resembles both of the two you in their eyes.” says FDR.

“I may be a distant cousin like fourth or fifth in both cases possibly I mean it would be very distant, but no very distant cousin. Or our people have very similar genetics and they came over at a very similar time to this country, but Lacey and Zelda actually do have the same last name. It’s not a stretch they actually have the same last name. Sayre and Seay are the same last name in Lacey’s mother’s family’s case they just evolved in different ways over time.” says Lem.

“So are they actually related or not?“ asks a very nervous perfume community.

“Yeah, they’re probably genuinely distantly related. Yes, that’s extremely likely.“ says Lem.

“And you were like those two yourself some what.” says the perfume community.

“Yes we would all be related and this is stuff that we’ve talked about now at this point for years. See my family didn’t side with the south Lacey‘s family was divided about the south and Zelda’s family sided mostly with the south. Do you understand what that’s about or should I explain that to you in two years?” asks Lem.

“Lem were you insane in a way that really only Lacey and Zelda as ridiculous as it is to say someone in your family would understand?” asks Eleanor Roosevelt.

“No Lacey’s not gonna pull out her family’s genealogy book and start showing you pictures. It’s none of your business to see.“ says Zelda to the perfume community.

“No and yeah, probably except Zelda may have actually been somewhat bisexual. I wasn’t and I was never in love with Jack, but that being said yeah, probably there probably is some thing about me that is different than most people alive.” says Lem.

“And Lacey being legally illegitimate or not was raised by Becca Seay and so she was always going to understand Lem. It was an evitable Jack, grow up!” says Mark Nesheim.

“No I didn’t marry my cousin in some cooky stupid way, maybe in an old money, aristocratic way that you aren’t a part of.” Lem says to Jack.

“Yeah, Jack see I knew this conversation was coming. That’s why I was so tentative with you last night when you seemed to possibly be being vulnerable with me.“ says Louis Hill Jr..

Jack looks unhappy.

“Zelda, are you capable of pretending to be convincingly gay without being gay too or were you actually bisexual?“ asks Scott.

“Oh well I may or may not have been bisexual in a real way, but it was certainly convincing to some people and no I am incredibly good at acting in that way, so is Lacey‘s grandfather. We have a talent at…describing things.” says Zelda. “Actually Lacey‘s grandfather was an actor and he was trying to become famous that’s why he lived in Los Angeles for a while in 1940s.”

“That was where he met the grandmother that Lacey thought was her actual grandmother biologically. So see Jack, Lacey is either Lem’s distant cousin and then you just got kicked in the teeth by reality at the end of the 20th Century, beginning of the 21st. Or she’s not actually physically his cousin…maybe. …Maybe. …But she would understand him, because she was raised by people who were somewhat like him, distantly related. If she is Tommy Banks’s daughter biologically… she could’ve been your older sister-in-law in a sense or close to it. Right? And do you want to go through that whole rigmarole again or not?

Or would you rather think of her as Lem’s distant cousin who understands Lem in a way that you never will and Lem wasn’t even attracted to you. …You know, you’re getting screwed Jack. You’re getting screwed so I hope it’s fun for you. I know you like to get screwed.” says Mark Nesheim.

“See my new way of looking at Lacey is to think that she’s basically just like a historical character so when you visit her blog or you visit her Instagram gallery, you’ve got to think of her as like a museum an actual living museum. It’s not meant to be taken personally it’s a museum.” says a perfume hater.

“Yeah that’s accurate. That was the way she always approached herself which is part of the reason she was stunned and people took everything she was doing so personally.” says F. Scott Fitzgerald.

“When did she start seeing herself as like a curator of something that she couldn’t quite articulate?” asks a living woman.

“I experienced the same thing to some degree because my family was somewhat old money too on my father’s side. I just didn’t see it that way consciously. That’s where my name came from. You know, I’m Frances Scott Fitzgerald, as in Francis Scott Key who wrote the Star-Spangled Banner. The Seays really were a prestigious family. They weren’t extremely wealthy but no they were a prestigious family before the Civil War literally ended there centuries long fortune that started in England. Actually, it might’ve started in France. My family was wealthier but we were upper class and they were maybe upper middle to upper class in the early 1800s. So sort of like oh Kate, the future Queen of England’s family was wealthy in Lacey‘s family’s case in the. So Kate’s family was wealthy and they are wealthy but not like the British Royal Family is wealthy. Does that make sense? My family wasn’t as wealthy as the royal family, but they were wealthier than both Lacey and Kate’s family. My family was actually wealthier than that.” He drinks tea. “Lacey actually really does and did remind me a lot of Zelda. They’re very different though too. Lacey is more of an Anglophile. …Doesn’t that seem eerie? Or do people not really read me as much as they pretend to?

When did Lacey start to feel uneasy? When she was a toddler.” says F. Scott Fitzgerald.

“Can I just talk about the old money aesthetic for a moment and how much it irritates me that people pretend to have Louis Vuitton when they don’t really have a Louis Vuitton?! And I’m not talking about fake Louis Vuitton I’m talking about people who are on TikTok talking about how Louis Vuitton and Gucci and Chanel and Dior but perhaps especially Louis Vuitton is trash and it’s only carried by trash people. I carry Louis Vuitton still and I’m kind of a big deal.” says an African American woman who married well and is in the Illuminati. “I’m not gonna talk about it but I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Lacey likes Louis Vuitton as much as I do.”

“I actually don’t either. So is that something people handle or that or is that just bizarre and astounding to them?” says Lacey.

“You only have one restored Noé and one Speedy, right?” asks a handbag collector.

“Yes, although hopefully I will be able to find an Alma in the next year or so.” says Lacey.

“So you restore the Noé at Louis Vuitton?” asks a handbag collector.

“Yes I did. Yep they sent it. I think to France to have it re-I mean that’s where it was made right…so they sent it to France and had it restored.“ says Lacey.

“She talks like that because that’s how we trained her to talk because that’s how we talk to our underlings.” says Mark Nesheim.

“Oh you being condescending?“ asks a perfume hater’s husband.

“No, no she’s not being condescending. You can interpret it that way, but in reality she’s being dismissive of your petty, bourgeois antics.“ says Nils Nesheim.

“You were raised in wealth in Norway?” asks a perfume hater.

“Well that depends on how you look at wealth. How do you want to find wealth right? …Because that’s what’s so frustrating. It’s that you’re talking a mile a minute in your head and not much is really coming out of your mouth.” says Nils.

“It’s Nils, not Nels!!?” condescendingly asks a perfume hater’s husband.

“Oh you think you’re going to correct me?! I grew up in Norway I was born there in the 1800’s you little fucking idiot. Yes it’s Nils, you slob.” says Nils.

“Were you saying Slav, or slob?” says Putin.

“Someday you’ll find out and I mean that respectfully, sir.” says Nils.

“Your great grandfather that was born in the 1800’s is calling me a sloth?!? Oh my gosh I’m so offended.“ says a Millennial actress, laughing.

“So she truly does went around, dismissing everybody including me?!” asks Casi.

“Well, I couldn’t figure out where you were coming from with your superiority because really, you accused me of being superior and lordly but you guys are the ones that actually were that way, especially when I start getting more followers.” says Lacey.

“She might’ve been that way when people attacked her at first in self-defense. That’s the thing – that’s not who she is. That’s kind of more who you guys are. Why can’t you ever take ownership of that? I don’t wanna hear some excuse. ‘Oh I’m a narcissist!’ It’s still a problem, even if you’re a narcissist.” says Lem.

“I meant when I compared your $8000 $10,000 ring to my $600 ring to be an insult.” says Nancy.

“Yeah what is it? What is the insult? See y’all think you’re so clever but the onus is on you to make sense when you’re communicating to somebody it’s not just on Lacey as the listener.” says Lem.

“Jack I think you had the same delusion as your mom. Your mom, Jack! Jack I think you’re like your mom.” says a woman in the Illuminati.

“So what was the insult?!” asks Nils Nesheim.

“I’d like to know!” says Mark Nesheim.

“I was trying to say that I had better taste and I knew you’d know more about it than I do, I think you’re probably smarter than me, but I was still trying to insinuate that I had better taste.” says Nancy to Lacey.

“And then I wasn’t even aware of that because to me that’s just absolute bullshit…and it went over my head…and that hurt your feelings because you’re really just a total fucking bitch from the hood who thinks incredibly highly of herself. Isn’t that true you little slut?” asks Lacey with help from her father. “Don’t think for one second that I’m gonna take your kindness seriously.”

“Why are you using words that don’t sound sophisticated when you talk to me?” asks Nancy.

“Because I don’t think you’re sophisticated. I think your street trash. Literally. Get a grip. That’s what I always thought of you once I figured out who you really are.“ says Lacey. “What the fuck did you want for me? You’re poor, Hispanic and common. You drive an expensive car, buy expensive handbags and have a shitty house. That’s an old trick. You seem ordinary.”

“But I might be slightly German.” says Nancy.

“Yeah and I might be related to actual literal royalty, so fucking what, you moron!” says Lacey.

“Yeah some things are are too distant to count, and then some things could almost count…and it actually is a thing. There are some nuances. And Lacey is extraordinarily well aware of every nuance. Don’t keep trying to correct her unless if you actually know more…because you look like an idiot!” says Louis to everyone.

“As a Hispanic woman I took an incredible amount of pride in my good taste.” says Nancy.

“Well yes and I think it’s lovely that as a Hispanic woman you have a tendency towards a taste in the finer things but then that’s what it is.” says Lacey. “Unfortunately, you could go back and say you are related to the conquistadors and maybe you are…but then who were the conquistadors?! You should study that, possibly instead of pretending to be German.”

“And is it possible that by some genetic fluke in you so to speak…you’re still trying to fight a British woman. Think about it…it’s not maybe as insane as we once would’ve thought that it was.” says Tom Banks.

“So were the conquistadors, all rich? No. But they were very skilled, and they in some cases may have had a taste for the finer things. I don’t know they probably were at least somewhat dignified, elegant people, even if they weren’t actually all wealthy.” says Lacey.

“So you think I’m like a conquistador?” asks Nancy of Lacey.

“How are you not like a conquistador Nancy? Think about it! You felt some sense of honor and pride that you had to defend when you saw my gallery, and it was very personal to you in some mysterious way?!” says Lacey.

“You’ve gained weight but it you don’t look anything like me.” says Nancy to Lacey.

“No and when a black woman gains weight she doesn’t look like you either. What is your problem?” asks a black woman.

“I look weird carrying Louis Vuitton when I weigh what I did in my early 20’s.” says Nancy.

“Then maybe you’re just not that type of person?” asks a Hispanic woman.

“I look German when I’m fat and I don’t mean that in a flattering way to myself.” says Nancy.

“No you know honestly I wouldn’t put you in Hermès or Louis Vuitton or Gucci, unfortunately what I would actually put you in is Balenciaga but not Balenciaga today Balenciaga in like 2008.” says Lacey.

“Like a Balenciaga Metro Bag?!” asks Nancy.

“Yeah why is that an insult to you?! Explain! Why is that an insult?! Why are you suddenly insulted?” asks Lacey’s aunt.

“No I am not these people. OK? I grew up Irish in a way that my wife wasn’t we had a saloon. I went to good schools and I am very smart. She wasn’t an aristocrat, but she was higher class than I was. I’m talking about my wife Rose. …But I am lost too. I think the Metro Bag in 2008 was actually very stylish and I would know I do have very good taste people commented on it most of my life. …Did you think like me that having good taste was a way up in the world because it’s not it’s part of it but then it has to be actual authentic good taste in every aspect not just petty bourgeois, antics and imitations of people. …And I failed that obviously, but not completely. I am wondering dear though…how you won at all. That’s a very stylish bag.” says J. P. Kennedy.

“Because it’s not old money. I didn’t know that it was if it is and that’s the problem. I guess you would say…I don’t know.” says Nancy.

“I just wanted to win.” says Nancy. “And basically didn’t realize that you had a limited budget of like $20,000. We thought that that was poor.”

“Yeah it was $20,000 to start I mean at this point I have spent more probably I know it was about $20,000 to start.” says Lacey.

“OK but I’ve spent like hundreds of thousands of dollars on handbags and cars and plastic surgery and my house is worth like $100,000 to $200,000 depending on global warming it might be worthless.” says Nancy.

“Well and I’m sure you spent a lot of money on for-profit education that made you feel posh too and starting some non-lucrative business. Several of them that made you also feel posh.” says Lacey’s aunt.

“Creative Solutions by Nancy. We’re going to see if my collar stays up the entire time that I have this broadcast.” *Lacey does a fake posh laugh* “This is my new house. And if I was being honest I’d say that this isn’t really how you wear this blouse…but it looks expensive.”

“How do you know how poor I am?” asks Nancy.

“It’s just obvious over time. At first it wasn’t but then the more that I talk to you it became obvious – there’s almost always not always, but there’s almost always something that gives it away.” says Lacey.

A moment later.

“I am curious though why did you actually think you had better taste? Truly what was it?” asks Lacey.

“Because I couldn’t figure out why you were buying what you were buying.” says Nancy.

“But that looks to me like you were just playing class warfare and losing, but insisting on the fact that you thought you’d won, which, by the way, Torsten is why the English still care. Because we still argue with people like you who are delusional narcissists in that way. And we won over your country! TWICE! Is that what bothers you?! The fact we live in the past because we won twice in the past over your little blessed country?!” says Lacey.

“Yes!” he says.

“But then the English are the ones who are delusional for thinking that you still care in a dishonest way?!” asks Lacey.

“Are you proud of the English or do you just love them?” says Torsten.

“I am English, Torsten. It’s not like your possible imagination of Lem and Jack. I am English!” says Lacey.

Torsten smiles.

“So it’s not some unrequited love that you just don’t care about?” asks Torsten. “ because English don’t love you. Why would they you’re American.”

“That’s a very sloppy analogy and it doesn’t work.” says Lacey.

“What if they don’t love you?” asks Torsten.

“I don’t care I truly don’t care I mean I care, but in a sense I don’t care Torsten. I don’t give two shits what they think in that way.” says Lacey.

“Because it’s just England and it’s just because it’s just England and England is England and it always was England and hopefully always will be England. It’s just England.” says an Englishman.

“Because they wish we hadn’t come over here on the Mayflower.” says Lem’s dad.

“But that was so long ago your genetic genetics don’t matter anymore?” says Torsten weakly.

“What if our genetics do matter, what if me and Lacey and Lem are genetically English?” says Zelda.

“And Scott and Jack are both Irish!” says Joe Sr. rolling his eyes.

“So should you have focused more on Janet Jack, and less on Lem…I mean you might’ve had feelings for Lem…but let’s just say that you were shallow and that you really just wanted to win. Why didn’t you focus more in Janet?!” asks a woman.

“I didn’t know what was going on.” says JFK. “I pretended to know, and I was annoying and evil but no I might not be as smart as my older brother and I’m not a ditz I might just not be as smart.”

“I didn’t like the ring it isn’t really showy and gaudy cause it’s a cocktail ring that you were obviously choosing to wear as a wedding ring, even though you knew it was a cocktail ring as much as I did. And I think that irritated me because I could tell you were doing it to be snobby. You’re really snobby, but it’s in this insidious way. And I just didn’t like the ring. I thought it was too ornate. It just isn’t my taste. I don’t really like Art Deco stuff in that way.” says Nancy.

“Oh of course I’m snobby and you probably don’t care why or do you?! Are you too busy with your nose up in the air with your bullshit box that you live in?” says Lacey.

“I think you should just let them have it!” says Elizabeth.

“You all have shit taste, and have room in the world. Not the innocent among you who know how to be kind to people and don’t have their nose up in the air but people like Nancy who think that a shit box isn’t just a shit box.” says Lacey.

“So you’re not offended people call you snobby ?!” asks a man.

“No, and I’m proud of it. I’ll be snobby if I have to. I have no problem being in charge and that way.” says Lacey.

“Then you have to prepare for war because that’s what we’ll do well declare war on you!” says Torsten as a German.

“Yes! Over what, over what?! But for what purpose?! Do you know?! If you just like meaningless pedantic bullshit then I might just kill you if it’s a war.” says Lacey smiling politely. “I mean, do you really even know what a war even is?! Or have people forgotten because they’re too busy studying culture and not nation states because we’re better than that right we don’t need to know about geography and actual history. We just want to hear about Foucault and…sex.”

“You really think we’re just supercilious bullshit artist at this point in academia?!” asks Torsten.

“Isn’t that what you actually are in reality?!? And if it is don’t come at me with your bullshit self righteousness, that you think is actual righteousness.” says Lacey.

“You think we pretend to be self righteous to give people sympathy and fool them, when in reality, we really just think that we’re totally full of like absolute truth, when I say I don’t believe in absolute truth. The truth is we don’t know why we wake up in the morning and we should probably just shoot ourselves.” says a man in the Illuminati trying to intuit Torsten.

“So then why don’t you shoot yourselves? Honest question. Are you brainwashed into thinking that your life has a purpose that it doesn’t have because you refuse to acknowledge that reality exists or are you really that vain and stupid and you actually do have a purpose for getting up in the morning and it’s to try to prove yourself to the world because you’re really just a shallow narcissistic twat from the lower class.” says Lacey.

“It’s just to enjoy myself.” says Torsten.

“Right well and that’s very rational. Do you see the conundrum?” says Lacey.

“Would it be better to say that you think academia is just all indie music all the time and that we were essentially disparaged classical music and said it’s total rotten shit?”says Torsten.

“Basically yeah yeah that’s exactly the problem to some extent it’s just nonsense and why are you all so stuck on it it’s suspicious.” says Lacey.

“Well yeah, because then there’s life outside of the classroom and life‘s not a mere literal classroom.” says a living Joe.

“Why were you always trying to sound to Lacey like you were superior to her?” asks Nils.

“Welp Nils, because I am just…umm…I mean what do you want me to say?” says Nancy.

“You’re just a what?!” asks Nils.

“Lem how did you take a photo?“ asks Nancy.

“She asked me to. Who is she looking at? Me. And that’s all I’m gonna say for now.” says Lem. “ I also took the following three photos.”

“There’s kind of a sexual vibe to those photos was that intentional on Lacey’s part or not?” asks a Millennial.

“No, I think she was trying to look sexy but like in a fake way. I probably directed the photograph and she was interacting with me. I doubt that she was ever intending to be sexual in the way that it looks possibly at all.” says Lem.

“Yeah and see this is the backlash that I was worried about. I’m actually very glad that Target took down some of their merchandise not because I want to limit free trade or ruin people’s lives but because you can’t force people to do things using Target.” says Louis.

“What did these pictures have to do with that though Louis?” asks a Sarah.

“You were somewhat friends with Lacey when you were in the fifth grade and you’re Catholic and I might actually have met your grandparents in Heaven. Or you were Catholic? Regardless, though sweetie because me now, you seem young, even though you were friends with Lacey. Let’s just put it this way: if Lem wasn’t pansexual or bisexual it’s troubling to people even on a subconscious level. Because I’m about to jack to hear sensually conned us because of the books that have been written about them in the 21st-century so far with the information that we have into thinking that he was straight, possibly bisexual and that long was just flamingly gay and madly in love with him. And here’s the trouble spot Sarah if he wasn’t if I’m wasn’t if that was just a con job how did we figure that out? Because it took someone like Lacey pointing out that lambs voice sounds fake and contrived to make us wonder. Did you hear that? fake and contrived? And people can insist that it wasn’t, but Lacey is extraordinarily careful, honest and discerning. I’d really her word is much more valid than theirs, and probably almost every if not every case. And that’s the problem when you push someone like Lacey to far insisting that she’s ugly, insisting that she’s poor, insisting that you make sense based on your lies, and not based on your actual truth, that is just actual truth, not your truth. And see here’s the thing Sarah I know whether or not it was contrived or not Lacey doesn’t. And if I keep allowing or insisting that he was straight, what is she supposed to make of that when she sees it as being contrived, she knows herself, and how honest and usually right on the mark she basically always is. And that’s the that’s the problem, Sarah if if if Lem was straight and he was molested and he was straight, and not at all gay then his mannerisms were entirely 100% contrived and fake. His mannerisms that seemed gay and still seem gay to us at large, not to Lacey. Maybe not to everybody but to most people he still seems gay. And he wasn’t gay…so then what gives? Are people stupid? Are they ignorant? Or are they lying? And if they’re lying what are they lying about Sarah? And why are they like that? What do they get out of it?” says Louis.

“We think Louis is gay because he said he was.” says a Millennial woman condescendingly. She’s being serious.

“Oh I never said I was…and I had a wife and two kids actually I had two wives and no I wasn’t like that at all that’s probably contradictory to everything that’s ever been written about me. …It’s an interesting conversation though. It’d be interesting to have that conversation if you’re trying to have it, and you’re not just accidentally saying something very stupid.” says Louis.

“I never said I was gay ever potentially to anyone if I did, and if I did it was in a very hostile, short-tempered, angry way and that was because I didn’t wanna talk about it because it made me uncomfortable because I actually wasn’t gay. I…I don’t think you seem to understand. I never came out of the closet ever openly possibly at all. Like at all at all like it isn’t just that I never talked about it. I never admitted to it, possibly to literally any one ever. And that’s the problem right? It’s all hearsay and yet people say that I was gay or really anything other than anything that I actually said. I never commented on it possibly almost at all. …I might’ve actually intimated that I was straight. …It’s possible people have lied and they didn’t want to make it seem like I was a hateful homophobic asshole with a gay voice, because it scared them about what it meant about JFK and the Kennedys and a lot of other things as well. …It essentially may have been pointing out to the emperor that he had no clothes and people didn’t have the guts to be that honest and so they just decided to assume I was genuinely gay. Also, if I did say anything at all or intimate to anyone anything otherwise in the 1970s like it says on Wikipedia it would’ve been to someone that I thought I could trust and now I wouldn’t. And why wouldn’t I trust them? Because they took what I said and read their own interpretation into it for their own reasons. …I…I mean am I supposed to read their mind now?! I don’t know why they took what I said the way that they did! I suppose you could take it that I was gay for sure one hundred percent authentic 21st-century verified way, but that’s self-absorbed and narcissistic or intellectually cheating or it’s just pure ignorance. …I said it in the context of the time that I said it it which was before the 1980s. I died in 1981. …So in that sense I didn’t know what I was talking about. I didn’t fully understand bisexuality; I didn’t understand pansexuality. Not because there is something off about me in my brain, but because I didn’t have all of the facts and I may not be someone who is quite as fastidious as Lacey when it comes to pronouncements. …So nowadays, I might’ve thought that I was bisexual for a while after I was molested. I might’ve thought, ‘I think I might be bisexual.’ because I would’ve realized if I’d been a millennial that I was still attracted to women, and that that’s not gay. But then I would’ve realized eventually that I wasn’t even bisexual or pansexual and instead I was just straight and that I’d been molested. But see…that’s how people would think today. This was America in the 1930’s to the 1980’s.

In my mind I thought because of what I experienced while I was molested, I thought that I was gay, but I wasn’t.

So basically, I mislaboured under the misapprehension that I was gay most of my life. …And yet on a certain level homosexuality seemed like an absolute farce to me. I didn’t think it was worth talking about because I thought it was bullshit. And because I wasn’t gay, a part of me wondered if I was straight and wondered if I had ruined my life and my family knew that.

My family always wondered if I was screwed-up and straight. They may still wonder at times, some of them. And maybe they don’t because I don’t know entirely…but the ones that I am aware of – there there could be a few that do possibly. For all you know, my siblings are angry at me right now because they feel like I’ve hurt not a lot of people. Our whole family, Lacey, my kids, and they’re devastated by it. And my parents might be as well and my grandparents might also be. Because they can’t figure out why I took being molested so seriously and not my desires for women, my entire life.

It’s possible that Louis and Michael have become friends with my family because of how angry they’ve been at times. And the thing is, I really was probably just trying to be honest and honorable in both directions. I didn’t want to talk about being gay because it made me feel uncomfortable. I thought I might be lying or I thought there might be something phony about the entire thing. I also thought that I could be gay because like Lacey, I believe in objective fact and science, and I couldn’t explain it to myself what physiologically happened while I was gay because I was a virgin, and I was innocent, and an incredibly, romantic, loving man. …I was molested. Do I need to be more graphic than that for people who are pedophilic and play dumb? I was molested. Because obviously, I’m not going to indulge some asshole who should be dead by now.” says Lem.

“But then to me that just means that you were gay because that’s too complicated of an explanation and it made me feel stupid because it made me feel stupid. I now think that everything you just said was a lie.” says a Millennial woman.

“Then how are you capable of voting or living in a democracy because you sound like you have an IQ that’s not fully developed as an adult capable of governing themselves!” yells Lem, losing his patience.

“And that’s why she’s not a populist anymore because of people like you who truly can’t think through the logic and just have to look for some emotional shortcut!” says Nils Nesheim, sadly.

“OK so that makes sense…and I don’t know why people don’t want to hear that. I think they’re emotionally attached to a book cover or two or three of Lem and Jack and they don’t want to think that when they look at a gay guy that they might not be seeing his authentic self.” says Kris. “Right Louis?”

“Yes, because a lot of gay culture is fake and whether that’s because it’s allowed in Heaven because it’s seemingly two consenting adult people, and homosexuals have internalized homophobia and transphobia and they’re confused…but are too egotistical to admit that possibility… Or if it’s because according to other theologians who are also Christian, it could be that they genuinely have a mental disorder, and it might also be evil… Well, that’s something for you and your theologians and the Bible and God in prayer to figure out over time in an honest way. …But regardless, there are a lot of aspects of the LGBT community culture that have not been openly discussed. There’s a lot that’s not honestly discussed because it’s too scary not just to straight people but to the people themselves in the community. And that’s what I’m worried about. I’m worried that people are falling through the cracks…and that it’s part of the decay of society. And the people who are good hearted and sensitive like Michael who’ve been born within the last 20 to 30 years, who really could be being bullied in a real way for seeming truly slightly different…are being done a huge disservice by a community being led by people who are not really honest.” says Louis.

“So Lem you were straight and you were buried by the Kennedys because you kept trying to be their friend essentially, and they were in your life until the very end and they may have even killed you to shut you up but either way you kept trying to be their friend until the variant is that correct?” asks a Millennial woman.

“That was probably the way my will was set up when I made that will. And I may have been in the mindset that they were people that cared about me when I made that will…whether I thought that or not when I died. It’s possible that if they killed me that that was their revenge. Also killing me and making it look like I killed myself over Jack. Or it could’ve been that I killed myself on his birthday or around his birthday because I was trying to say that when he died, I died. Right?! No, I was probably trying to say that when he was born, I died. And honestly, I did used to plan his birthday at times…but that’s a strange time for me to kill myself instead of the day that he died. Wouldn’t it be a lot more romantic for me to kill myself when he died than to have killed myself on the day that he was born? Killing yourself and someone’s birthday is more of an F you not like an, ‘FU hey later I’ll suck your cock!’ but more of an, ‘F you, go to hell you fucking bastard!’ And see that’s the thing it’s all been spinned and turned into something that it’s not. Strangely, they’ve been honest about the fact that there are no facts because you would think they’d have the realization that they probably should lie and make up facts but it’s also possible that if they did that they’d be outed as the con artists that they are. …It’s also possible they didn’t know why I killed myself, and I just didn’t wanna bother telling them, but see it was a day before he was born, and I was born a year before he was. Isn’t that poetic?!” says Lem bitterly.

“Umm kind of like Bernie Madoff’s son!” says a Millennial woman in the Illuminati.

“If they killed you why didn’t they kill you on 22nd of November?“ asks a hair stylist.

“What if I killed myself? Or what if I aggravated them to give me too many drugs because I knew that they were getting pissed off?” asks Lem.

“So you planned it in a way?” asks a journalist in the Illuminati.

“Yes! Because they could get away with my murder.” says Lem.

“And they were hurt you weren’t gay? Or a pedophile?” asks a journalist in the Illuminati.

“Yes! Possibly.” says Lem. “Even on a subconscious level.”

“Because you weren’t in love with any of them?” asks the journalist.

“Yes!” says Lem.

“So your family has a page of a knighted author on Wikipedia Lacey that’s pretty much accurate other than his possible involvement in the Illuminati and the fact that he might not have been truly dirt poor when his family first came to United States as a Norwegian immigrant?” asks an actress in the Illuminati.

“Yes! Yep that’s a hundred percent accurate.” says Lacey.

“See you thought inculcating Lacey Banks raised as a Nesheim would somehow prove to her that she was poor whoever you are Mr. Blue. But I think what you don’t understand is that she’s not poor in that way.” says the hair stylist.

“How is she poor then?“ he asks with a smile.

“Okay, she literally doesn’t have a current verifiable net worth of millions of dollars.” says the hair stylist.

“But then why doesn’t that matter?” asks Mr. Blue.

“Because if you left things alone, and not screwed with the entirety of Western Civilization she would have in the next 5 to 10 years from right now. See she’s rich but they don’t have the money in the bank right now they inherit it and they make it over time. They invest it. And that’s what a lot of people who are in the lower classes don’t understand about old money Mr. Blue their financial trajectories don’t operate in the same way that ours do.” says the hair stylist. She laughs.

He thinks. “So essentially when I got pissed off at her for not reading my book that I wrote, I was talking to someone who was not working at a job outside the house, was collecting expensive perfume was flirting with me and hurting my wife because she was so pretty. And was basically a multi multi millionaire through her social station in the old money upper class.”

“Good job for admitting that! Now you have just a tiny bit more honor and she’ll probably take you just a little more seriously.” says the southern hair stylist.

“I have apologized for assuming that you were in a bad marriage. How about that? But what is the apology then that I should be giving you now? Could you try to articulate something?” says Lacey.

“I think you seemed spoiled and interested in money, and I told myself that you came from a poorer class, probably to avoid certain aspects of reality or because I was being idiot.” says Mr. Blue to Lacey.

“I’m not really necessarily spoiled or interested in money.” says Lacey.

“She has a $500,000.00 house. A decent number of luxury items. Takes modest but tasteful vacations. And dresses nice. How is that spoiled?” asks a handbag collector.

“Because you seemed so blasé about it!” says Mr. Blue.

“Because to her it is blasé. It’s what she was raised to expect as a mediocre life.” says the hair stylist. “At best!”

“Were you embarrassed by your perfume collection like it was a tacky thing to be collecting?” Mr. Blue asks Lacey.

“How do I answer that because in way yes. It’s a cosmetic. No, I mean my family that raised me is new old money. And I’m smart enough to realize that older old money isn’t quite that fastidious in that way. So where the family that raised me mocked me for wearing perfume and collecting it, I knew that that was hogwash on a certain level, and I also know that there’s people around the world who take perfume collecting very seriously throughout history who have been very truly elite. And me with my independent mind, I knew that it was art and that that’s actually exquisite because it’s a truly feminist form of art. I knew that it’s art that has been has been overlooked throughout history, partially because it’s been primarily collected and valued by women. I and I decided to indulge myself, my marriage was going awry and so I thought this will be for me this collection. This indulgence will be some thing that I can enjoy that will bring joy to my daily life and make it easier for me to live, and not want to die. But that’s me having an independent mind and thinking for myself. And what that means is to be able to shift and sift through everything in your head and figure out what’s of value and what isn’t according to the word of God. So in that sense no it wasn’t embarrassing to me, but in the sense that it is a cosmetic, yes and in the sense that I suppose it’s a bit embarrassing because it does seem, as some people may be suggesting, a little tawdry and a little personal. …But I see that is just absolute bullshit right because I actually do appreciate real art and I know the kind of vile stuff that’s considered to be art nowadays. You know things with the Virgin Mary doing disgusting acts and it’s featured in popular museums that children might go to. I mean it’s disgusting. So if the powers that be recognize that as legitimate art, and not just shit thrown on a wall and called art by someone who is trying to be pedantic or postmodern…then I’m pretty sure that I should be allowed to enjoy something that to me isn’t sexual. It might be to my husband. It might be to someone walking down the street but it isn’t me. It isn’t my children. It isn’t to God in relation to me. To me it’s no different than smelling an actual flower. I mean it’s essentially just like wearing flowers. To other people it might mean something, but why do I have to be constantly grossly concerned about everyone’s interpretation of every fucking little thing that I do why doesn’t my experience in this life matter at all?” says Lacey.

“You know Mr. Blue, why don’t you go attack Georgia O’Keeffe. Go to her grave and yell at her and ask her why she painted flowers and wasn’t more embarrassed by it because that’s essentially the argument that you’ve now gotten into whether you meant to or not with Lacey.” says Mark Nesheim.

“You know all the Nesheims are like that. We’re all extraordinarily serious people who take everything very seriously. We don’t get upset in a competitive way we get upset about politics, art, literature, music, things that are extremely important and of actual value. We’re not petty people and if we are it’s creepy. We can be very creepy. Scary people in a real way. But we’re not simple minded people! Get over it!” says Nils Nesheim to Mr. Blue and Bobby Kennedy.

“Do you guys see yourselves below the Hill family of Minnesota or not?“ asks Louis of Nils.

“No we think we’re below them because we are. But it’s not that were chopped liver. It’s just that we’re not them, we’re not you know quite like that, but in a way we are, but we’re not…we’re not quite like that and I could write probably a book on the topic.” says Nils.

“Why?” asks Lem.

“Well because of Louis’s mothers ancestry, and because of how extraordinarily wealthy James J Hill was and what he did with it.” says Nils.

“Nancy can you in your spirit if there’s an afterlife or now…can you answer why you thought you were superior to Lacey because that’s really what’s bothering a lot of people right now. What was it just objectively speaking?” asks Lem’s dad.

“I thought that I had better taste because it was more modern and updated and fresh.” says Nancy.

“I could see someone thinking that I don’t think it’s accurate but that’s interesting.” says Lacey.

“Do you just see it as like dated the way that I would dress?” asks Nancy.

“Yeah, so if you don’t go to Hell and burn for eternity, then no I don’t think you are vile. And that is something that we have a chance to avoid until we die a lot of us that think we’re alive may actually be far more headed to Hell or headed to Heaven than purely alive, depending on where you are with God and Christ and the Holy Spirit, the Holy Trinity. But as far as your tastes go, no I think they’re bourgeois, petty, and very dated.” says Lacey.

“ I see you’re kind of like your own subculture.” says a Millennial to Lacey.

“Yes I have been most of my life. I’ve never thought of it that way, but yes, essentially I am and that’s fine I just I didn’t expect people to get quite so I am hostile and boisterous in the perfume community over my love for, you know, Coty perfume from 1950.” says Lacey.

“So in that sense you’re a freak, but I bet you don’t think of it that way at all?” says a young Boomer.

“No, I don’t think of it that way because I’m not one.” says Lacey.

“Ok so like I don’t get it because you know I would pretend like that exact perfume just to seem old money and piss you off but if I had the money that you do, I wouldn’t be buying that bottle of Coty perfume.” says Nancy.

“Yes, but I don’t like what you buy as much as you do.” says Lacey.

“OK but you’re like a lot prettier than me and a lot smarter than me and you’re old money. But I honestly don’t get why you think a bottle of faded 1950 perfume by Coty is more pretty than my bottle of Tom Ford perfume from 2019. Well I mean I bought it like a couple of years ago but like 2017 or 18 or something.” says Nancy.

“You’re right I am a lot better looking in general than you and a lot kinder and smarter and all that. And you’re really just a jealous, narcissistic prick in how you’ve approached it up until pretty much today as far as I know. So it’s very hard for me to have an objective conversation with you. And that being said, if I take you seriously what you tend to like umm…is very stimulating to the nose in a way that frankly reminds me of the one time that I used pot. That’s the only time I’ve ever used drugs and I don’t recommend using drugs. Matter-of-fact it’s a terrible idea but speaking from that experience…it has a sort of out of your body, uncontrollable, almost hallucinatory effect. And of course it’s just perfume so there’s-it’s far more innocent. But the fact is you know it’s chemical, it’s synthetic and synthetic can mean not from the ground right? Or it can mean that it’s providing an experience for your brain that isn’t natural to your brain. So right, the notes that imitate a dentist’s office in Baccarat 540 aren’t really you know bringing you a to a dentist’s office that’s just what your brain is telling you. But I prefer something that doesn’t do that that isn’t fake. You know some thing that’s possibly still chemical but is imitating something you could smell in a bottle or that makes sense to smell in a bottle. Some things actually do irritate me with how fake they smell that are old like Coty Bois de Muguet has always irritated me because it’s supposed to smell like fresh lily-of-the-valley and I only give it a free pass because it’s from the 1950s and people were a lot more innocent. Where as your way of seeing it is what I am you like what a cushion cut whereas I don’t like a cushion cut because to me it looks dated, petty and bourgeois. It looks like someone’s trying to make something looks soft and sparkly at the same time. I mean it’s like oh you know someone stayed up all night using cocaine and then they’re going to do what wear their ring as a pillow? It’s a stone, it’s a hard rock. It’s not a good cushion. And so the thing is before things started becoming intellectually offensive to my tastes I liked them so I’d say previous to maybe 1980 I like almost everything. But then from 1980 until maybe let’s say, Angel was maybe pushing it. Like Mugler Angel was probably where I started to drop off in my ability to fully appreciate new perfume. So yeah like the early 2000s is where I get lost and I’m like, ‘Well okay, La Petite Robe Noire I still like that!’ but then it’s just…after that things are very inventive. They’re very fascinating. They’re very intellectual and they’re very creative. But they’re not they’re not grounded in reality they’re not they’re not heartfelt to me anyway they don’t seem meaningful.” Lacey thinks. “OK but all that being said, like I said, they’re very inventive they’re very creative and they’re very sleek, but sleek isn’t the same thing as grand or elite or beautiful or elegant. And you know a chypre from 1919 may be incredibly grand and beautiful and elegant, but it isn’t sleek. Actually, I would say most perfume in the past, maybe rarely, if ever was sleek it was often much more animalic and dirty. Whereas fertility and bodily fluids maybe were secretly in the perfume in the past, fertility isn’t as important as form and function in the sexual aspect of perfume today. And it isn’t just about infertility you know it was grounded in nature it was grounded in which is obviously sexual, but it isn’t just purely sexual, but you know, flowers essence says architecture, bodily essences things of that nature were more in perfume in the past. Memories. Where is now it’s about conjuring up food and you’re hanging up. Places conjuring up people conjuring up oh movement in sex. It’s somewhat desexualized in a way. But that doesn’t mean that the pass was less innocent it may have been more innocent and more sexual paradoxically or not paradoxically, depending on how you look at history. But that doesn’t mean that the past was less innocent it may have been more innocent and more sexual paradoxically or not paradoxically, depending on how you look at history.

The point is I like the past it is what I like I don’t like present perfume and if I were to translate your taste into the past I would say that I I would say that you would’ve liked Country Roads by Avon in the 1970’s, Chamade by Guerlain in the 1960’s, Chanel No. 5 in the 1950’s, Chanel No. 5 in the 1940s’s, something by Coty in the 1930’s, and probably some thing again by Coty in the 1920s.” says Lacey to Nancy.

“I don’t like Coty though.” says Nancy.

“The point is though that you would have in the past because your tastes, in my opinion are far more influenced by your environment than mine are.” says Lacey. “I don’t think you’re an original person. I think you study things and I think you analyze things to figure out what you should like. I have yet to hear you say you like something that feels like it belongs truly to you, Nancy, and isn’t just something that someone told you to like consciously or subconsciously.”

“But you don’t think like Tom Ford fragrances could be something that I just like?” asks Nancy.

“I think you like them because you think you should. Explain to me why you like them in a way that doesn’t involve you liking something that you think you should like.” says Lacey.

“No I hear what you mean because it’s like I like fragrances that smell like brown sugar and I know that that’s like a black stereotype. It’s a female stereotype and it’s a millennial stereotype. But I also know that I like that smell like I really like the way it smells.” says a black female perfume wearer.

“What do you actually like? Gucci Bloom?” asks a Hispanic woman of Nancy.

“I like the smell of like suntan lotion. My thought would be that I would be like wearing a bikini looking really hot turning people on…I just wanna turn people on.“ says Nancy.

“You like the thought of turning people on, or you like the perfume?” asks Lacey.

“I like the thought of turning people on more than the perfume itself.” says Nancy.

“But then what perfume do you actually like because it you can’t just wear perfume for other people in my opinion. I think that’s sad at the very least.” says Lacey.

“Yeah, I don’t know what I like.” says Nancy.

“Well you should probably figure that out before you decide you have better tastes than me. What was it that I did that was so grotesque?” asks Lacey.

“Were you into like the boss girl culture?” asks a person in the Illuminati of Nancy.

“Yeah.” says Nancy.

“So then what did I do that was so grotesque Nancy?” asks Lacey.

“Sorry yeah I’m curious though do you think you’ll be able to turn me on?“ asks Michael.

“Yes, of course I would be able to better than Lacey!” says Nancy to Michael Rockefeller, seriously.

“You wouldn’t. I find you repulsive actually, and I do like women. And there really isn’t necessarily a man who’s ever existed in America’s old money elite who would find that arousing, possibly literally alive or dead. It makes you seem obvious, cheap and stupid and vain. Or sexually inexperienced, and possibly a total flop in bed. You’re incredibly dumb to think that you’re more arousing than Lacey, but that’s apparently what you think and that’s sad. Do you have an explanation for why you thought you were better or are you really just kind of a total airhead?” says Michael.

“Do you think my husband would like it?” asks Nancy.

“I don’t know your husband, what do you think?“ says Michael.

“You know I don’t think her husband would like it.” says JFK.

“Why not?!” asks Nancy.

“Because I think he likes you and I don’t know that that’s really what you should be wearing.” says JFK.

“OK Jack then what should I be wearing?“ asks Nancy.

“Do you think he has better taste than Lacey or do you just respond to people who are catty and assume that they know more than you because that’s how stupid you are?” asks Joe Kennedy Sr. of Nancy.

“I didn’t actually think I had better taste than you or I’ve change my mind. Well, I did and I didn’t.“ Nancy says Lacey.

“How did you then?“ asks Lacey.

“I thought I was more elegant than you because I thought I was slimmer and I wasn’t at least not really…or I realized that you were curvier than me and it wasn’t just umm about big boobs but that you actually really were just curvier.” says Nancy. “How much do you actually weigh and did you actually weigh?”

“I am about 5 ft. 6 inches and 3/4. And I weighed 118 lbs. at my slimmest in 2016. And right now I worry, I weigh about 150 lbs.” says Lacey.

“And you’ve never been anorexic or bulimic or anything?” asks Nancy.

“No, I haven’t. There was a time when I could barely eat because I was too anxious when I was dating my husband legally ex-husband in reality. But I literally could barely eat. I was literally that anxious and I lost a lot of weight but I’ve never been anorexic or bulimic. I’ve never had an eating disorder.” says Lacey.

“How skinny did you get?” asks Nancy.

“I got down to about 115 lbs.” says Lacey. “But was much too skinny.”

“So you’re a lot smaller bones than me probably in every area of your body. And I am sure that you’re still very much a woman you’re still a woman it’s just like a man with a large penis who’s not literally a horse.” says Nancy.

“Yeah, that’s probably true. My ex-husband commented on that and he slept with almost 30 female people.“ says Lacey.

“You slept with Elliot because he’s extremely well endowed and so are you in your own female way and you did that that would hurt Lem and you were trying to teach Lem a lesson about what happened and what he did to you.” says Nancy.

“Yes, that’s possibly true because I got tired of feeling so threatened for stupid reasons.” says Lacey. “Because I got tired of being threatened by people. Jack threatening me, cultures threatening me, Lem possibly threatening me, his family threatening me for all I knew…for stupid reasons. Like actually stupid reasons.”

“So you thought-I just can’t understand that logic because I just don’t get it like…like you’re trying to teach him that pleasure mean something and that pretending like it doesn’t is stupid?” asks Nancy.

“Yes, essentially whether it’s drugs, or Jack, or someone else it does matter if he was straight it does matter if he was using drugs because he was sad he hadn’t gotten married to a woman…but he needed to say that in a far more obvious way. Expecting me to just magically understand for some stupid bitter reason was mean.” says Lacey. “Because, otherwise I have to think that he’s gay because there’s no way he could’ve had a positive experience that was truly positive if he wasn’t gay somehow. So just saying he’s not gay and just leaving it at that and then flying off and wearing Caron lavender around Jack in my novel was disgusting. Because how was I supposed to interpret that you know there was all these things that seemed insidious and that’s the problem people are complicated and leaving things open is a very cruel thing to do whether you mean it to be or not.” she says to Lem.

“So if people advised me who were part of Jack’s administration to make you think that I was like Joe because they thought that he won your heart by playing the field…what they were really doing was either stabbing me in the back or being vile to you for evil reasons.” says Lem to Lacey. “And they were stabbing me in the back. And they were being vile to you for evil reasons; they were doing both.”

“So you pretended that you were still interested in Jack to try to get her more interested in you?!” says a gay man to Lem.

“No, I was not still interested in Jack. No it’s possible that I did that but it’s not because I was ever gay. I was never interested in him.” says Lem. “It’s possible someone else had the idea to try to help me and told her that and it wasn’t true or it’s possible that I thought of it because she thought I could be bisexual and I thought it could be useful because I was an experienced with women.”

“So if that happened you were trying to make her jealous. I bet whoever thought of it if someone dead did probably doesn’t want to get blamed for how evil and ridiculous it actually was. And part of it is my fault if that happened because I was delusional at the time and I thought that it was actually doing something that it wasn’t doing but they also probably should’ve known better themselves.” says Joe Kennedy Jr..

“So you don’t want to man that you have to sort of mother or be a man to at all?” asks Red Fay.

“Yes, that’s correct yes it just feels absolutely fake and ridiculous to me.” says Lacey.

“And that’s what I like I like that. What do you like Red do you like slightly non-binary people because you’re actually pansexual not bisexual are you were?” asks Michael.

“So did Joe just like win you over but then it became meaningless?” asks Red.

“Do I seem like a man to you?“ asks Nancy of Michael.

“You seem like an alien and I mean that as an insult to any possible aliens.” says Michael.

“You know I didn’t look like that before I had surgery on my nose and lost all my weight which is interesting because you’re right it wasn’t completely natural and yeah I’ll leave it at that.” says Nancy.

“Ah yes, of course that’s me completely obvious to me Red, I’m sorry.” says Lacey

“I should’ve called you Mrs. Schiebel to start with and I would’ve been a lot nicer.” says Red.

“No, it would’ve been but that’s not what happened.” says Lacey.

“OK but the point is if I wasn’t gay do you even really understand that Red or are you still in denial about it?” asks Lem.

“So the Schiebels are worth how much your in-laws your legal in-laws are worth how much from Sewickley.” says Red.

“I asked you a question Red: are you in denial or not?“ asks Lem.

“Red I think you may have been sleeping with Jack and Jack I think you may have been sleeping with Red thinking that he was Lem…you guys are dead.” says a Millennial woman.

“Red who did you think you were with? Possibly a woman?“ asks a Boomer.

“Yeah, actually that’s possible if it’s a Purgatory.” says Red. “To both questions.”

“So God lets you guys get confused to try to teach you a lesson?” asks a Catholic.

“Yeah that’s probably be the idea of that if it’s purgatory.” says James Dean.

“Her former in-laws are worth…oh I don’t know $5 million maybe in 2023.” says Lem. “Oh, and how much do you expect to inherit is your next question right Red. Red they’re not the Kennedys they’re rich or something but they’re not the Kennedys Red, financially, and in that way I don’t understand. Where are you going with your insults or you’re waiting for me to somehow be mean to her, Red I’m not going to ever do that, that’s not normal when you’re screwing a woman and you intend to keep screwing her.”

“Did the Kennedys just confuse you Red about like heterosexuality in general?” asks Nancy.

“They might have because you’re right no none of the men really seem to understand that part of heterosexuality sexuality, even if they are heterosexual.” says Red.

“You mean the men in the Kennedy family Red?” asks Lem.

“Yes!” says Red, drunk.

“Well I didn’t grow-up in the Kennedy family and I I had other role models. I might just not have used them appropriately.” says Lem. “Nancy do you still think that you have better taste than Lacey or do you still think being skinnier is in better taste?”

“Honestly, I had some role models too, but they possibly were men of a lower class Lem and I didn’t learn what you did about women.” says Red.

“No.” says Nancy.

“Lacey is turning me down, so I have no chance. But she’s not offended the way I keep coming onto her the way Merlenial women are today.” says Red. “It’s gross to her which is interesting because I don’t know if millennial women would think that it’s gross today. It’s gross to her but I’m not gross to her and she’s not offended if that makes any sense?”

“But why don’t you come on to Nancy then?“ asks Harriet Schiebel.

“Well because…you know I might like her perfume… I am, but it’s not any of my business because she’s married. If she wasn’t married, I’d be scared of her.” says Red.

“But Lacey is more beautiful.” says Joe.

“Yeah but Lacey is like Marilyn and Marilyn puts out.” says Red with a smile.

“You know, I actually take that as a compliment Red about my character in a way. Although it might not be completely true and I’m never going to put out for you, but I still take that as a compliment. Thank you.” says Lacey.

“She’s never going to put out for you Red. You really did just give her a compliment whether you meant to or not.“ says Lem.

“So you think I’m a total idiot?! And you think are you think our whole family is stupid?“ says Joe to Lacey.

“Yes because you all are. I think I thought you somehow maybe avoided the nonsense but then turns out you didn’t I guess so so much for that.” says Lacey.

“So you honestly think it’s repulsively stupid it’s not just that you’re opposed to what we do on a very basic human level you really think it’s gross how stupid we are.“ says JFK to Lacey.

“Well it’s weird because the Irish really aren’t supposed to be that dumb, are they? I mean what happened to you people it’s creepy?!” asks Lacey.

“Do you feel like that’s an Irish male problem seriously?!” asks F. Scott Fitzgerald.

“I’ve definitely observed that over the years from anthropological perspective possibly and it it’s very strange. It seems like you always end up working against your best interests so I can’t figure out how you ended up being that way.” says Lacey.

“It may have been a conspiracy as you’re suggesting to keep us poor and vulnerable as men. Or we’re just inferior. And you assumed I was too smart to be that inferior to superior to be that inferior. And it must’ve been incredibly demoralizing to you on a lot of very deep important levels as a human.” says Joe to Lacey.

“Yeah it was. It’s made me think America is just a joke.“ says Lacey.

“Why did they do that to us?! Why did the English do that to us because I’m I’m starting to think that they did that in what in the 1700’s or 1800s to keep us from marrying wealthier women and then stealing their money and bringing it back to Ireland.“ says Joe Biden.

“Oh yeah, that’s exactly why it was to probably preserve bloodlines and money – for reasons of control things get incredibly brutal and I suppose the idea may have been if they fell for it, if I’m being a British apologist, then they deserved to be that dumb. If a man didn’t have the good sense and conscience to be faithful to his wife, if he was a Catholic, then a. Catholicism is bullshit and b. they’re inferior and they probably should do that – die off or certainly not marry into a nice family and ruin the family.”

“So you don’t so you’re mad that Lem took advantage of the fact that he could conceive a child with me and doesn’t realize how hurtful that is to you.” JFK says to Lacey.

“Yes, while he was alive, I think he was a smug bitchy piece of shit. I think he was a heartless, scoundrel, and a part of him deserves to suffer and Hell possibly for eternity. But if that’s not where God has him and I hope it’s not I hope that part of him can be redeemed and has been somehow because I want him and I need him and I love him but no it’s disgusting. He basically threw me into Hell and lots of other innocent, beautiful people who are you know, doomed to be heterosexual and not able to make such a lofty choices as he was apparently able to make in his grand, epic life. No, I think he thought incredibly highly of himself with his gay mannerisms and his art. Oh, golly wasn’t he something?!? He was probably one of the most elite men to ever exist.” says Lacey.

“So you think I was gay?” asks Lem.

“Not necessarily. I’m not that stupid. I’m sorry to burst your bubble about femininity.” says Lacey.

“Then what do you think?“ says Lem.

“I think that, even if you weren’t gay, you still enjoyed a lot of the privileges even if you didn’t enjoy the pleasure of being gay, I think you were loved by the gay community. How did you learn all those mannerisms? I think they essentially adopted you into their family, gave you all the keys to the Kingdom and you started to think like them and act like them. You know, perceive the world the way that they do but with all of the privileges of also actually being genuinely heterosexual. And they when you rose to the top of the community possibly because you know, they hated that they were gay, they couldn’t stand themselves possibly because you know, they hated that they were gay, they couldn’t stand themselves. And so it’s like, ‘What is about this one that’s different? What is it about him? Ah, but you’re so straight, but you seem so loving and open to being with a man!’ And so you seem so special and endearing and I think because of that they started letting you in on so many secrets I mean you ended up with JFK you can’t really get much more top-of-the-line gay than that potentially. Yes, you were top gay student of the century which is sad if you were straight and I’m not saying that homosexuality is allowed in heaven I’m just saying it’s sad. And essentially, I think all of that love and nurturing, however advised it was went to your head, and I think you became potentially an incredibly cocky, arrogant, foolish and destructive and disgusting man in that way…at least hopefully not too much more than that.” says Lacey.

“Even if I wasn’t gay?” asks Lem.

“Well, that’s the way that you sound in your tone to me even if you were angry, in my head you still seem to be totally full of yourself and actually, I would love to know how you didn’t enjoy anything and yet became so overly confident?” says Lacey.

“I thought it was gay, but I didn’t enjoy what I was experiencing but I thought it was gay.” says Lem.

“OK but then you lived that perspective and so you come across from that perspective – it’s like think about it like on a scientific like communication level. It’s like you’re sending signals that you’re located somewhere that you’re not. They’re still going to read as you being there to most people.” says Lacey.

“So to you I still seem gay, even if I wasn’t because that’s what I left humanity with was the perspective of me pretending to be gay my entire life.” says Lem.

“There are a lot of gay people who are probably very devastated by what you left humanity far more than I am because to them you seem straight if you were and they’ll never be that and think about the possibility of horrific things that they could do with that to themselves and others.” says Lacey.

“You’re right and I have to deal with that with God but how does it affect you?” says Lem.

“You mean beyond just being totally devastating to me, and almost ruining my entire life because it has you essentially ruined my entire life. I mean you’ve done so much incredible harm. And also. What. So, your, ‘Possibly unwanted, unneeded, un asked for thank you so much I’m far too grown for that children?!’ are supposed to think that you give two shits about them? Because really you didn’t name them you just roped them off into some subtle category of ‘married, settled, living somewhere with wife and family’ ta de da de de de deee…I’m gay look at me.” She thinks. “It is just hard to think that someone could be that heartless and still be you. It’s just repulsive. It’s profoundly psychologically damaging to me personally Lem it’s like I said, it’s basically ruined my entire life. Because I mean I’ve gone over with you how it’s just it’s repulsive and I don’t want to have to keep explaining to you and I don’t understand how you don’t get it. That’s what you’ve left me with you saying things that are terrifying to hear coming from you not just like terrifying, but almost like if God Himself could be perverted and thank God He can’t be…but it’s probably extremely close to that. Lem that’s how vile it is to me. Because you said something over my existence, you made people not think that I matter at all. You are an epically destructive, despicable man, whether you meant to be or not and I should not have to sit here and explain this to you.” says Lacey.

“You’re right, that was pathetic that I allowed you to say all that as I should be able to say it myself, I should know that.“ says Lem. So even if I said it in a way where I was actually just trying to be sarcastic, and somehow do light and shadows, like an artist with my words, revealing the truth that was sadly supposed to just emerge, ‘Like oh, if you think about it long enough, you realize that homosexuality is dumb and a lot of these new fangled lifestyles are going to ruin your life.’ All I really did was just make people think that I was someone who was essentially trying to send you went-to-Hell for eternity before you were even born. Because that was the start of the gay rights movement and I am their lead principal fag. Because the choices I gave you were to think that I am a total freak, to try to figure out how to cease to exist or to be tortured by me for as long as you live and then try to shelter our kids from all of that. And then the they in the Illuminati wonder how aggravating the situation caused a significant train derailment, a pandemic and World War III. And then the only reason that we haven’t been blown-up is because Vladimir Putin may be in love with you if there’s an Illuminati and yeah. …I’m not you. You could probably run the world as a queen and it would just be like playing Chinese checkers to you because that’s just who you are. When I tried to be Mrs. Kennedy, my husband got shot. His brother got shot. His other brother got blown up. His sister died in a plane crash, and everything else that we’ve discussed and more. And I shouldn’t have even tried to be Mrs. Kennedy because to you, that would just be like I don’t know. Scratching your back on a bad day or some some analogy like that. …Really repulsive asshole is what I sound like because I would never want my wife to do what I did which is try to take over my job and then just ruin the world and trillions of people’s lives with it. And then I’m supposed to be your spiritual guide as a man and I am and I don’t want our kids for one second to think that I didn’t want them. It might’ve been someone else’s kids that I didn’t want to create. But that isn’t any consolation to them because what I said was disgusting, and not because it could be interpreted the way that I meant it but because it was so shitty the way that I put it that it’s embarrassing that I even had a mouth that day. Actually, even saying that was repulsive. I don’t know what to say you’re right because it it you don’t say stuff like that however, I meant it you don’t say stuff like that about your own sperm about your own body about your children you don’t say stuff like that and yet I did.” He thinks. “And I am going to spend the rest of their life trying to find ways to correct the situation. Ah but obviously I understand why you were interested in other men. And I would like to talk about why I got so confused if I was straight.

When you think you’re gay and you’re surrounded by a lot of gay men who want kids similarly because they are normal men and they’re not pedophiles and they just want to be fathers…and then differently in some cases because they’re pedophiles, and you know that, and it scares you, especially when you’ve been molested and you worry that there could be something wrong with you even if you know there’s not. Anyway, you start to realize that for the men that really want kids and maybe could’ve had them and not hurt them, could those men have existed, that they have to talk themselves out of it. And then when you’re straight and you’re not like them you don’t necessarily realize that you want kids. When those are the only men that you ever talk to – gay and bisexual men who want kids but can’t have them. And that was the mindset that I had. I knew I wanted kids eventually but it took me way too long to realize it because I was never around people that would’ve helped me realize it in a normal way.

The Kennedy kids were not my kids and they were a burden at times and I cared about them but they were Jack’s kids. They were somebody else’s kids. They were not my kids.

I’m and when other people have kids and they’re your friend’s kids and they’re annoying and then you have to constantly walk on eggshells to try to not hurt their feelings or their parent’s feelings or hurt their aunt’s and uncle’s feelings and you’re monstrously misunderstood. Oh, and then you’re not gay, but you think you are and you turn these people into your social work project, again you don’t realize how much you actually want your own kids.

And don’t get me started on how annoying all of Jack’s sisters and other women in his life were. I got a rather negative view of women based on his family.

I don’t hate the Irish.

And yeah it’s absolute bullshit. Not you and I but all the hurtful lies that you believed could be true because that’s what I left you with.” says Lem.

“I think what makes me the most angry about them is that these people take themselves so seriously and they’re furious that I don’t. You can take yourself seriously but these people think every little thing that they’ve ever done including their poop – each and every tiny morsel – was probably a religious monument.” says Lacey.

“Not just me, but to large extent I gave them way too much power.” says Lem.

“They can’t handle being called anything other than spectacular.” says Red about the Kennedys.

“And I am beginning to see new reasons why you can’t stand my gay persona.” says Lem to Lacey.

“I didn’t realize how smug I sounded. I’m sorry I made the mistake of thinking I was gay. This is not the apology that you’ll be getting but I just wanted to say I’m sorry that I thought I was gay. I acted that way and then I didn’t realize that I had absolutely no idea what I was talking about. And I I think I think I said things that were really stupid and it’s sad that I am seen as a leader of the community.” says Lem.

Later.

“It has come to my attention that it sounds like I’m not being serious and I was and I am. Also I didn’t have that many closeted, homosexual friends. I had some straight friends who did not leave me with positive view of heterosexual marriage. I had some gay friends who were openly gay, and in some cases, possibly in committed relationships with other people. I had bisexual friends, who were terrible misogynists and really unhappy, and in almost every case, married to a woman who wanted to kill herself, or was really mean. I had friends and like family or upper class, friends and family who I no longer really felt close to, and in many cases, I didn’t feel equal to. I felt inferior to those people. And yet yes, I also thought that I was helping the poor. It was that I both felt inferior, and I also thought that I was helping people. … And in each, and every case there was no one who left me with a convincing reason for why I personally should have kids. I didn’t dislike children. I just thought that like maybe there was nothing that I could contribute or that I wouldn’t be that great of a father, or that my kids might be messed up by me somehow. …And I’m sure the people who are both dead and alive who I knew who are hearing this should there be purgatory are hurt even now and probably are attacking you viciously because they really are that obnoxious and having kids to them especially if it’s the Kennedys is like I don’t know how to describe it but they they don’t know how to understand that other people don’t worship their children. And that they shouldn’t either.

But yes, it sounds. I suppose impossible that I would know that I didn’t want kits as a straight traumatized man.“ says Lem sarcastically. “But yeah, you understand I know I can tell that you understand and you’re not worshiping me you just love me, and it’s sad that every generation alive under the age of 83 or 80 doesn’t seem to understand that.”

“You just seem like a hero and she just seems like June Cleaver like she just loves you and I think other people have that kind of relationship but for some reason it’s really scary to see Lacey acting that way.” says a perfume hater.

“I have a feeling you built me up in your head to be someone that I’m not in a deranged way and that June Cleaver probably isn’t who you think she is either.” says Lacey.

“I cannot believe that this is happening. This is so weird like I mean what in the world you guys? This is so strange. I mean she gets over Joe and then Bobby is running for president and it’s just like why isn’t the world just thrilled?! And I don’t mean Bobby Bobby, I mean Bobby Junior, not Bobby three or two or one. Bobby Junior. And like you know why didn’t we have like a couple of presidents already in the last 20 to 30 years it’s just strange and am I starting to feel misled by the American people about how they felt about us?” says Kick kinda trying to be funny and yet also not.

“Yes so I think that I was mad at you for being basically a multimillionaire and not having to work for it.” says Mr. Blue to Lacey.

“Because you’re exhausted, your wife is exhausted and you’re on drugs. Your life is falling apart, and you did it to be famous and rich. That’s so cliché I mean come on you’re young enough to have known better. I think what you were aiming for was more of a like a legitimate upper middle-class lifestyle. And you just missed the mark you shot too high. Unless if there’s something inherently wrong with you, you would’ve been better off making two or $300,000 a year and just living in the Midwest.” says Lacey.

“No it’s a lot of money and I would be in the upper class and I would be able to be private. I could probably have a boat I could probably have a huge yard, a nice big new house and a cabin somewhere. And my weekends off. Yeah you’re right I am a big deal in people’s estimation but the price that I pay is that I am exhausted and miserable.” says Mr. Blue.

“I kind of thought she’d be coming on to him by now but I don’t think she ever will for eternity because I think she’s truly she’s moved on and I really don’t think that a lot of people in the Illuminati understand that.” says a Millennial actress.

“When did you like start to get over him? Was it probably maybe like four or five months after you first started communicating with him through what you thought was the code that he’d invented to talk to his other friends on Twitter?” asks an actress.

“She’s said that is it like 100 times now in the last seven years literally and the answer is still yes, but I just can’t stand letting her say that because I’m too angry.” says Lem’s father.

“Well, that’s too bad that I triggered your homicidal instincts with my Norwegian-American old money and perfume collection I say on behalf of my wife.” says Lem or Michael depending on what God wants.

“Anyway signing-off. I suspect she still Lem’s wife, but I am getting frustrated with this shitshow.” says Michael.