The other day when I decided to post a blunt, intentionally too candid and potentially abrasive account of my basic socio-economic status I did so because I was mad and totally fed up. What was I mad and totally fed up about? Well, the starting portion of the post explained it. Over the last two years it seems that there’s been a barrage of nonsense that previously hadn’t existed much in the fragrance community on IG.
One person constantly seems to pester you with one-upping comments about everything, even with things as mundane as the brand of toothbrush you use. Someone else copies and competes with you in their next post and then repeats the next day and the next. Then another person makes patronizing, snide, (if you actually took them seriously) hurtful or just totally annoying comments obviously driven by insecurity and/or jealousy but would balk at the suggestion they feel anything but happiness for you if you confronted them. And I could go and on and on…and on.
I think one thing that always drives me crazy are people who try to compete with you using something that clearly won’t work, because they’ve either stretched the truth into oblivion or they’ve overestimated their weapon of choice. How do you respond to them in a positive way? It’s always very frustrating and sometimes genuinely complicated.
I once had a lady compare her $300 vintage ring to one I own that’s worth $6,500 or more. “They look so much alike!” she insisted. But there were obvious differences between the rings she must have either sadly missed or willfully ignored. And they seemed to believe I was supposed to be very impressed with their ring… I was supposed to realize that we were very much equals in this regard (and in others of course too) and that, really, I should treat her with the sort of reverence and awe she demanded. She likely wanted to be or thought she was actually… “better” and that I just didn’t understand that yet.
And then, after telling me they were twins, she proceeded to tell me that she had brought her ring into a jeweler for more information but they didn’t know almost anything about it. That’s when I lost it inside, although on the outside I was polite.
What sort of jeweler did she bring her vintage ring into? I wondered. Was it Zales? Or maybe Jarrod or Helzberg? Yeah, a salesperson at Zales, Kay, or whatever chain store of that sort is pretty unlikely to know much about vintage jewelry… You have to bring a piece of jewelry that old to the right jeweler. But still, even though she was relying on me for more information (and I had that information) I was clearly supposed to be impressed with her and recognize that I should have known better and I should tip toe around her from then on.
Actually that was more than two years ago. But anyway, it’s a good example.
Truly though there are a lot of people who seem to think their (perhaps leaky) canoe can compete and win the race over someone else’s sturdy sailboat. And that’s in the ocean, mind you. And…if you try to tell them they’re being ridiculous (you might just be the one observing it from shore) or if they get a whiff of something that speaks to reality being different than what they demand of it they either attack you for bursting their bubble, attack someone else, their target, themselves or they try harder to “win” to the point of absurdity and some form of total deceit.
That lady with the ring often tried to win in her canoe. It got to the point where I doubted almost everything she said. Her stories of fabulous conquest and accomplishment that she often used to compete with me nearly daily almost always had loopholes, false bottoms or were basic lies. But she just seemingly couldn’t stop and it kept getting weirder and weirder.
I used to try not to upset people like that. But…that’s really emotionally draining after a while, especially when you want to enjoy their company when they’re not being full of wildly competitive, jealous and greedy zeal. Or in other cases, it’s just difficult to avoid them. Either way, some people are determined to win (like the lady above) to an unhealthy degree and keep bugging you until they feel they truly beat you one way or another.
The irony, of course, is that we can all win almost every time in some way. And I mean that in the best way possible.
For example: the lady with the vintage ring had a gift for taking flattering photos of herself. She knew how to pose in front of a camera well. She had actually done some professional modeling. I could never figure out why she didn’t focus more on that.
I’m truly awful at taking photos of myself. I’m a lot better looking in person. Sorry, but that’s the truth. I’m not bragging. And, the thing is, she knew that. She knew I wasn’t lying (I shared that I’m not photogenic on Instagram and have since) and instead of being like, “Well, sweetie, I’m a professional model and I’m amazing at it. So there!” she decided to copy me and compete and claim to also be unphotogenic.
She would have “won” by being honest. By lying and competing she just looked desperate and incredibly down on herself. And that was doubly angering and sad considering she was a beautiful woman in her own right and truly quite photogenic. She cheated herself out of a win.
But anyway, I shared what I did because: I want people to stop coming at me to try bludgeon me with their cubic zirconias (it’s not flattering to anyone and it’s awkward and angering), I get irritated by inaccuracy when I see it, and I was hoping to shock some people into minding their own business (warning: some of you might think this is about you but if you’re actually nice and respectful about such things it likely isn’t.). Also, I was hoping someone might confer with me about a similar experience (and they did).
Of course, to be clear, I’d bet some people have more than me on Instagram. But I’m not worried about them. I don’t try to be something I’m not. If they don’t like me and want to snub me for whatever reason that’s their business, although frankly I don’t “believe in” snobbery the way a lot of people do. It’s complicated.
Also, I’m sure someone read my post and found themselves thinking one of the following things or something like it: a. “She’s got to be lying about something!” b. “But…they were farmers. That’s never a “well off” business.” c. “But she was raised middle class, I’m better than that. I was raised upper middle class.” Well… Hmm. My dear(s), you’re coming at me with a canoe, I see you and your leaks (you might not even realize them yourself) and you best turn around for shore. Ask yourself this: why do I care so damn much about Karrie in this negative way? Is it for any redeeming reason or do I need to grow up and let go of something silly that’s holding me back?
Then, here’s my response: Yes, I was technically raised with middle class financial resources (as it was until I was older) but the mentality we had was carried over from my grandparents and great grandparents and etc. I’m not sure where that mentality would land me but it’s likely somewhere in the upper middle class or so. …My parents were also very deep people and still are. …Also, what’s truly so wrong with being very middle class anyway? Middle class people…sometimes have admirable traits that are much less common in other classes (even in the “upper middle class”). Everyone brings something valuable to the table.
What else… Hmm.
Some farms are poor and some are wealthy (or some variety between that). It depends on where they are, how big they are and/or who is running them. Also, there were many other investments (some incredibly lucrative) that built up people’s wealth in the family’s I belong to.
I’m not lying. I could have easily made some things sound much more glamorous or impressive and some things possibly less, but I tried to be accurate. Maybe too much so actually…
Whatever. It was long winded. Most of you probably didn’t even finish reading it. And if you made it this far in this post congratulations! 😂☺️
…I guess, just try to be kind. The world is such an ugly place right at this moment in some ways, let’s try not to make it worse by preemptively attacking people we barely know who just want to get along or be left alone. ❤️
Keen to Cross the Pond 
This post seems like an obsession with “I paid more so therefore there can be no similarities between my obviously expensive, quality ring and her cheap, tacky one.” I concur that sometimes people want to brag about things when they don’t need to or get caught up in being competitive. But this post comes across snobbish–an emphasis on money spent over value or quality b/c frankly the two are not synonymous. Although I do agree chain jewelry stores are terrible and not a good source of quality or information. But saying something is similar could be about lines, shape, color, etc. Just because someone didn’t pay six figures for their ring doesn’t mean theirs can’t be similar to your overpriced one.
You aren’t understanding my posts at all. You’re clearly projecting your own issues into my tone and meaning. I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say.
Gosh you did succeed in making me angry though. Good for you. 🙄 But do you know why I’m angry? Well, because you truly don’t know what you’re talking about and I don’t have the patience to explain how ignorant 98% of what you wrote was. But thanks dear.
I’m still mad. So by the way, that was an insurance appraisal at $6,500. And the quality was sublime. The other individual was the tacky one who instigated things. Much like you. Are you that psycho jealous stalker? I hope not. But it wouldn’t surprise me.
Gosh… It’s like you twisted every damn word I said and then insulted me to make yourself feel better. I can’t stand it when people do that. Do you speak or read what other people write? Or do you just look for things that might hurt you if you twist them in your imaginary universe and then lash out?
See. I can be weird and stupidly offensive too (note containing commentary on your rants). And it’s fun because while you will never understand me I’m pretty sure I’ve got you pegged. Ha!
*continuing
You’re someone who likely can’t afford a $6,500. ring so thinks that’s a big deal. It’s not. And honey, either way, I think the WHOLE POINT of what I wrote was that they were not similar. At all. DUH!!!! 😀🙄🙄 A $300 ring cannot be the same thing as a ring evaluated by actual experts at $6,500. Are you kidding me? My gosh… I could go on and on but it’s pathetic how hard you tried to insult me and how much you failed. I’m actually angry for you because provided your not a trolling robot you don’t have a clue how dumb most of your insults sound to me and how much I wish I could help you understand (as you claimed so pretentiously and pseudo-intellectually) to want to.
*you’re
Sorry I can’t keep up with my anger and keep making typos. I just wish I could understand how someone could be so blind to their own jealousy and willful hate as to comment what you did. You’re an ass. Not me. And if you’re the lady I wrote about I blocked you over and over again so frankly I truly hope you’re not reading this. 😶 Just to summarize: you misunderstood, made an ass of yourself by commenting and now I’m going to wonder who’s talking to me in person with such a poor understanding of history, sociology, anthropology, psychology… Oh wait!! I know. Now you’ll claim I’m projecting onto you. Nope. Nice try. Go find someone else to rip apart in your mind who deserves it. I don’t, I didn’t and never will. And also, work on your reading comprehension skills while you’re at it.
Grr. You are so self-righteous and ignorant. The end.
But thanks for giving me someone to tell back at who probably deserves it.
And just in case you actually are 14 as you seem to be in your attitude, sometimes people don’t have the emotional energy to explain life. Sometimes it’s too exasperating to correct the many incorrect or off-base things someone is saying. But don’t doubt I could. What I do doubt is whether or not you’d really follow my words or just run off in a huff.
Now I’m really done, please don’t bother responding. Just go away.
But I do have the patience to point out that that $300 is actually worth that. It was a small emerald with a ring around it. I was curious about so I looked it up online. It’s not worth that much. My ring has many actual good quality diamonds and natural sapphires. Again, if you’re that lady, I saw through you the whole time. I wanted to be your friend but you made it impossible because you were jealous, pretentious and incredibly competitive to the point of absurdity. Sweetie, you lied and lied. You just wanted to be the best. You didn’t want a friend. I’m sorry my actual life and family are better than you and yours in YOUR mind, not mine.
So, (And I promise I’ll be done) your ring (if that was you) was of the same period and had the same shape. DUH! 🙄 But they are very different quality rings. Mine is exquisite by most people’s standards and your ring, while nice was not anywhere near the level of artistry mine was. It was an insult to beauty and truth to compare them with the attitude you did. You wanted to win. Not be friends. And I hated it. Not you. Furthermore, you are far from the egalitarian woman you pretended to be (if this is you). Go have fun imaging to other people that you’re a descendent of a famous fashion designer like you might do? And go have fun pretending to be me, as you often did. Don’t kid yourself. You tried to even sound like me sometimes when you talked. Didn’t you? It seemed like it. And don’t think that didn’t piss me off. Also, I know you were only into F. Scott Fitzgerald to compete. I doubt you ever finished a book he wrote. You knew almost nothin about him. You drank at his grave?!?! That was disgusting. He died because he drank. 😶 Were you trying to be offensive?
And…if you’re not that lady then there you go. Don’t mess with me. You might think I seem sweet and cute but you truly don’t know me. At all. And don’t insult me with your dumb attempts to degrade my family, my intelligence or my life choices and actual worth. Seriously, do some damn research. You don’t know more than enough to sound like a pseudo-sophisticated jackass who wants to seem forward-thinking and kind. If you really were you’d have caught like a meanie of…1/10 of what I wrote and realized you were off-base. I don’t look down on other people. And frankly, I can’t help that my family background and etc. could be perceived as upper class or upper middle class. Because they easily could. Of course I’m not my husband. Of course I’m not an actuary… But that was a choice I made. How do you not realize the obvious emotional and intellectual contradictions in what you wrote. It was so clearly out of anger and ignorance. Seriously. If you’re not just a troll try to stop assuming things and take a look in the mirror before you project your own superiority complex on someone else.
*meaning
You can’t get angry at someone lashing out at the foolishness of class structures by being absurd and explaining their family history, which by the way does mean something (whether it should or not) in the context of most intelligent conversations about class (I’m sorry you don’t understand that) and then call them gauche and claim they’re lording it over people? I mean, my gosh. Sweetie, I am who I am. It is what it is. I’m not crazy about it but that’s reality.
But I’ll stop now. TRULY!