Stress

After re-reading her blog post, “Curious Questions And A Crass Response” which was upsetting to Casi, Lacey realizes one very possible reason why Casi took it so personally. And possibly Casi being a narcissist and incredibly jealous and bent on pissing Lacey off for years for narcissistic reasons, forgot who she was dealing with or lacked and imagination. …Lacey is Lacey. She is Lacey. She’s sweet. She’s actually possibly literally certifiably close to a genius by nature…and yet she genuinely can be a bit ditzy at times.

OK let’s backtrack for a second.

Casi was obsessed with Lacey and probably had a crush on her and that’s probably part of the reason Casi stole Chanel 22 from Lacey. Because Lacey gave Casi a sample of Chanel 22 to be kind in 2015. Just purely to be kind as a friend. It didn’t mean anything more than that. And Casi hinted that she like Chanel 22 and for years or what felt like years because she’d go on and on about how she loved it so much and how someday she was going to buy a bottle and Lacey would always say, “Great, that’s fine! That’s great! It’s my signature, but it smells different on different people and it’s a wonderful fragrance!” And Lacey meant that. She really did!

But when Casi eventually bought No. 22 the way she posted about wearing it and how it was vintage (Lacey’s preferred style) and getting people who hated Lacey to somehow celebrate the fact that she was wearing Chanel 22 to spite Lacey…obviously seemed inappropriate. …It wasn’t normal it wasn’t like Casi just wore Chanel 22. She stole it, or she tried to steal it from Lacey because she was jealous and being incredibly stupid.

Anyway, the thing is…Casi was also obsessed with how much money Lacey had and eventually in 2016 after Lacey moved to Seattle, Casi started exploding at Lacey in her comments making more openly antagonistic insinuations involving Lacey’s money. …Previous to that Casi had been very passive aggressive and hostile, but in a way that was so passive aggressive that it was impossible for Lacey to know for sure. But at that point Lacey knew more because Casi was being more openly hostile about money and so Lacey confronted Casi in a private message (they never talked privately at all otherwise except for maybe once or twice) and said, “Casi, we’re rich!” and Casi was like, “I already knew that! You have quite a grand perfume collection. So I figured that you both were either trust fun kids or you both had good jobs or both!” Lacey didn’t know how to respond so she said, “Yeah, something like that.”

…And Lacey being as genuinely kind as she tried to make peace with Casi. And so when Casi said, “Well let’s just focus on what we have in common.” Lacey agreed. …It seemed to be a slightly strange thing for Casi to say to Lacey, because Lacey couldn’t figure out why Casi seemingly thought they had this relationship that needed to be mended. Lacey didn’t feel like they really were even friends. She thought they were more just friendly acquaintances, and it seemed like Casi was trying to build some sort of connection or bond, relationship or something. But Lacey just was like, “Okay, whatever! I guess she takes all her interactions with people incredibly seriously and that’s good; that’s healthy I guess?”

But turns out Casi may have actually had romantic feelings for Lacey (based on things she said afterward) and she likely imagined that there was actually something happening that really was obviously not happening. …And that’s truly sad and disturbing both. I mean…you know it’s not that mysterious things don’t ever happen…but it had to have been a huge stretch for Casi. …They only talked privately about a total of three or four times over three years. And each time was hostile and awkward. …That being said, even though Lacey is straight nowadays one has to be more careful not to give people the wrong impression.

When Lacey had the sense that Casi was somehow trying to strengthen their friendship in a rather unexpectedly deep and sincere way Lacey should’ve been more aware that something was amiss. And yeah. …But I think one could also argue that Casi was probably not entirely in touch with reality and that’s on her.

So…when Lacey wrote that post about old money in a sort of a rebuke of the pretentiousness in the perfume community in 2017 or 2018 she wrote the title “Curious Questions and a Crass Response” with the conversation that she had had with Casi years before that in mind. But she didn’t mean the entire post to be about Casi. Instead she just assumed that Casi would think that it was about her and everyone else not just about her because that’s what it was. It was about her and everyone. Casi wasn’t the only one who wondered about Lacey’s financial status in the perfume community even if she was the only one who had had a private conversation about it with Lacey.

The thing is Casi really did irritate Lacey with her narcissism and she was the loudest perfume hater among all the dozens of perfume haters. She was up in the loudest person other than possibly Nancy. …But again, she was merely one of the loudest. It wasn’t like she was everyone, obviously.

..Had Lacey been married to Lem she may have realized that some people take things very seriously in incredibly shocking ways. And it’s not that Lacey lacks imagination she just truly had never met someone like Casi before who takes things mysteriously personally in such a profound way. Everyone that Lacey’s ever met has always been rational perhaps to the point of being truly heartless and therefore becoming irrational in doing so. So while Lacey was being attacked by the Illuminati and struggling with huge emotional turmoil when she wrote that post she didn’t think through that that title would indicate something accidentally to Casi. She didn’t think it would become an issue for Nancy or Casi or anyone in particular. She just assumed that it soulfully be taken in this very objective, cool, rational way, which is the spirit it was intended it. Imagine Tobias Funke trying to write a blog post about social class truly with good intentions after being bullied and assuming Casi would see the literary intent of the title and not take it personally. That’s the intended tone of the post.

Even though Lacey is very feminine and beautiful…she was raised to perceive herself by her family and bullies as being a (truly straight) female Tobias Funke. And no matter how sees herself objectively…what’s in her mind based on societal feedback is that she’s still magically Tobias Funke when she talks to other living people. And no, in her case she’s not actually at all homosexual.

At any rate, it has not occurred to Lacey until today, but it might have been the post title that really set off the enormous earthquakes that accidentally transpired as a result of that post. What is astrology? What is it? Is it forbidden because there’s something to it or is it complete nonsense? Only God knows for sure. It’s probably dangerous regardless but if there’s anything to it Lacey doesn’t know what to say as a Christian. And she means that respectfully towards God in the utmost way. Lem and Casi are the same sign. And the Illuminati doesn’t think that’s a coincidence…

More later.

“So Casi took your kindness and your friendship genuinely the wrong way?” asks a lesbian in the Illuminati.

“Yes, I think she did…which can happen in you know heterosexual male and female relationships at times, too obviously.” says Lacey. “What I don’t understand is what that means as far as her competition with me and her taking what I said the wrong way, and why she stole Chanel 22. I have no idea what that would mean because I don’t know obviously what that would mean between two women I don’t know what she was trying to indicate or what was going on and if it was just if they were separate, I have no idea.”

“So you’re wondering if she stole the perfume because she thought there was something happening and that was her way of somehow trying to show affection to you or something?” asks a lesbian perfume collector.

“Yes! It could be separate. But I’m wondering if there’s something there that’s even more unfortunate than what I would anticipate.” says Lacey.

“Why did you write that post with her in mind at all?“ asks the lesbian perfume hater suspiciously of Lacey.

“Oh my god!! Really?!? …You’re gonna do the LGBTQ community snub routine with Lacey for the umpteenth time?” says a lesbian in the Illuminati. “No, I can almost guarantee you that you’re bullying her because she’s really genuinely straight and clueless…like she’s genuinely straight 100% and she’s just that sweet and unaware of what the hell you’re talking about.”

“How do you guys know that?“ asks the lesbian perfume hater.

“Because if we exist, we stalk her for a reason! And we’ve literally done like testing on her to find out a lot of crap for our own purposes. OK I mean we’re the Illuminati…what the hell do you expect you dumb bitch?” says a model.

“So you know she’s probably-oh wow…OK this is gonna hurt because you’re gonna feel totally misunderstood but it’s possible people just believe Casi more because you were so tight-lipped and you seemed unapproachable and so if she told people that you were interested in her secretly-and she clearly was probably insane because I have to think that you’re probably not making this up… If she ever gave people the impression that there was something between you two or even if people just thought that somehow she deserved pity-I think they couldn’t figure out why you were friends with her. They couldn’t figure out why you were friends with her because you seemed totally unapproachable, and then she did seem trashy.” says the lesbian perfume hater.

“Well maybe I’m just better than you as a person?! How about that? …I’m not a catty little childish bitch.“ says Lacey. “I mean what the fuck do you want me to say there’s a reason I became so crass with you supposed morons.”

“So you were just trying to be nice to everyone across the board, regardless of anything in a super egalitarian, loving, old fashioned way? And you thoroughly internalized that value system and you assume that it wasn’t abnormal?” asks an Australian.

“Yes, and I’m realizing along with my other values that actually aren’t normal apparently anymore, that I am rather rare. And it’s sad to me. Why do you guys act so incredibly snobby towards people like her?! She is human; she does take it personally.” says Lacey.

“So you just assumed everyone genuinely, for the most part, was being mostly kind, and that there was no cattiness or pettiness?” asks a woman from Europe who loves perfume.

“Yes! That was the impression I was given and if it was fake and if I am on if I’m a typical…I didn’t know that back in 2015. I thought that I was just, you know, like everyone else and I didn’t realize that I might be illegitimate and my father might’ve been born in 1894. I didn’t realize that, you know , society and culture were evolving into this cold, idiotic heartlessness?” says Lacey.

“So Casi was basically being talked to by a grandmother and she didn’t know that. And she didn’t realize that her grandmother was just being incredibly loving and kind to her as a fellow woman in the world. And Casi took it way too personally, and thought that her grandmother had a crush on her.” says a lesbian laughing. “I have a feeling Lacey was extremely nurturing and encouraging and supportive of her soul in a somewhat maternal way that was totally subconscious to Lacey and to Casi just read as like…true love.”

A perfume hater nods.

“I think people don’t take you seriously enough because you’re probably really light-hearted and laid-back and sweet. And I don’t think they realize how serious you are, because you’re so maternal. To Casi’s credit she got that…that you weren’t just like a maternal person and that you needed to be loved as a fellow adult and I mean you’re the same age probably younger than Casi. And you know I mean you’re not interested in women and that actually is kind of your vibe…but something tells me that it was so intriguing to Casi that she just couldn’t stop analyzing it. But she’s not like you in the way that I doubt that she analyzes things in this objective, super aware way. And being a narcissist, I’m sure on her part that she probably does have less ability to process things even more so. Because she does seem narcissistic to me too. I think…I think it’s sad because I think you meant well and totally didn’t see it coming and I don’t know if she was entirely meeting evil towards you either as you probably worry. …But that’s where it’s like I don’t know what to say to you because you’re right. I think what you need to process is why did people take that the wrong way you know because you’re right it does say a lot about the culture and our health right now.” says an Illuminati witch.

“Is that her vibe, though? Does she seem straight?! Because it wasn’t that easy for me to tell.” says Casi.

“She does, when you look at her objectively and in an honest way, and you’re not contorting her facial features in your mind out of jealousy and narcissism. You can see it in her eyes Casi that she’s straight and I wouldn’t doubt that Lem is the same way. It’s in their eyes and sometimes Lem’s eyes do look kind of gay the way that he holds them…but I too see how is energy actually does read as straight and I am kind of a psychic in the Illuminati and I’m also lesbian. And I see it too in Lem. …I’ve been very quiet about it, but I can actually see what Lacey means by reading Lem’s energy as heterosexual. But she’s even louder than that because she knows who she is if he didn’t. …She’s clearly a heterosexual and I think maybe if you were competing with her it may have been easier to miss that.” says a witch. “See the thing is she is very quiet; super quiet. She’s a very quiet spirit. And I think that quietness translates into how she expresses her wealth and her beauty too, so if you were silencing that to lie to yourself, because Mr. Blue has done the same thing… you probably silenced her actual sexual orientation as well.” She thinks. “The irony though is that both you and Mr. Blue did see something real at the same time but that’s where you guys are narcissistic, because narcissists lie to themselves even if they’re really intelligent and unfortunately when they are intelligent those lies are more dangerous, because they may see something that requires intelligence to see…and then if they lie about it, especially in a way that’s dangerous, then it’s more serious than it would be in other people’s cases, perhaps. Because the onus is on you to be a responsible person with the information that you’re being allowed to see.” She thinks. “And that’s cool that you guys both see something but you know…I don’t think-I think Lacey was accustomed to being ignored, and not being seen as who she really is because she is so quiet and sweet. And no, I mean it’s it’s actually really fascinating to me given my interests in the supernatural. Because you two perceived something in your own ways and you were trying to be good people, but then you weren’t completely good and Lacey would say you guys are distant from God and so you chose to be evil not just good.”

“So you didn’t have feelings for her at all and you wrote that post with her in mind but you somehow still thought she was going to be calm and be like, ‘Oh yeah this speaks to me! I feel bad and yet I know that it’s not just about me and that’s really sad?!’” a lesbian perfume hater asks Lacey.

“I had very umm…in my mind, rational, reasonable expect expectations as an adult talking to other adults, because in the past I think if someone wrote something like this people probably would’ve taken it that way or would’ve been far more likely to. And maybe I’m wrong but I’m I wasn’t someone that usually wrote posts like that and I tried to explain that I really was upset with the community. And I think I thought Casi was far more rational and calm by nature than she actually is. If I’ve been allowed to talk to Lem he reminds me of her. They’re often very mild mannered people in a way but when you upset them, at least for me, it is shocking to see how much of an emotional response you get back. It’s been shocking with Lem and it makes me wonder if that’s part of what happened with Casi.” says Lacey.

“Oh, you mean like you thought he wouldn’t care that you were with other people like you for real though that he wouldn’t care?” asks Casi.

“That was the sense he gave me at first; that he understood what was going on and why it was happening and the fact that I was scared and then I was hurt and then it seemed like there was something happening with him and Jack because that’s what, you know, people Illuminati kept telling me. And I could go on and on, but he seemed like he understood at first and then all of a sudden he just didn’t and it has been very dramatic and painful since.” says Lacey.

“Did he really understand or did he just give you that impression?“ asks Casi. “And how long did he give you that impression for?”

“Maybe about a year maybe a few months maybe it was more like a few months.” says Lacey.

Casi laughs. “What did he say that gave you that impression?!?”

“He just never objected when other people pursued me. He was even there at times, and he would just listen and seem very calm and you know very calm. You know…very at ease. And then all the sudden he just became very cold one day and I couldn’t I couldn’t figure out what was happening. Because he was giving me the impression that, you know, because of what he did with Jack all those decades that that was the kind of person he was; that he wasn’t a super monogamous person.” says Lacey. “So if he actually was straight, that’s part of what happened was that he left me with the impression that he was sort of polyamorous. And then when he didn’t say anything at first, I just thought, ‘OK that’s weird. …I get the sense that he’s very calm and maybe that’s just the way he is.’ And it hurt. But I thought, ‘OK that’s fine. I have been through this kind of thing before, and Lem is at least far more loving and giving as a person than those other people were so I can’t really do the polyamory thing, and he’ll have to understand that…’ and you know that was obviously even more reason why I was considering other people.”

“So you don’t really have a trigger you really are just that calm?” says Casi.

“I mean I’m not one to mess around with; I’m really not. Truly. …But no, I don’t generally get angry, almost ever, unless if I am extraordinarily pushed to the edge.” says Lacey.

“Because when you get angry, it’s for a super legitimate reason that could actually start like a war or something?” says an actress in the Illuminati.

“I didn’t know that about myself because I’ve been told that I’m super sensitive and emotional my whole life but I guess seemingly when I get angry it’s bad news.” says Lacey.

More later.

“See you guys just constructed this false reality that Lacey isn’t straight to avoid the fact that she’s in a higher class than you and vice versa!” says a queer woman. “The truth is, she’s probably old money in the upper class and she is very beautiful and smart and kind and she’s actually heterosexual in a very real clinical true sense. As in, she is never ever attracted to women ever.” She laughs. “But see because you created this sick twisted bubble. The whole world is now suffering because Illuminati is involved, and there were some people in our group who thought you guys were onto something…when really…you’re just suffering from a delusion that is akin to what they suffer with themselves in regard to Lacey. …She’s going to hurt your feelings and you’re going to feel insecure because you base your entire meaning in existence, apparently, on being better than other people? And so when you find someone who is better than you and there’s nothing you can do to compete it just shatters your sense of reality or what?” She laughs. “In my mind English violet really is her signature fragrance because I think she is an often American maligned old archetype. You know we’ve desexualized her and people like her and I don’t think that was honest.”

More later.

“I thought she was straight until I realized she had marriage problems…and being as pretty as she was I thought it couldn’t be because she was unloved.” says Casi.

“That’s so naive!” says a male shaving enthusiast.

“Casi I think your sense that something is off isn’t amiss…it’s just that you don’t like the answers. And part of that is empathy, and then part of that is probably ignorance. And the rest I think is pride and narcissism on your part.” says an Illuminati businesswoman.

“What am I ignorant of?” asks Casi.

More later.

“I think you’re ignorant of the fact that she really does think like an old person. It isn’t just an act like she seemingly very legitimately thinks like them.“ says a model “Like she doesn’t understand us and we don’t understand her and yet there’s nothing wrong with her; it’s not like she has something wrong with her. She’s just on a totally different wavelength and so she could talk to people who were in their 90’s and now are dead and they could be catty to her and yet they wouldn’t be offensive because she knew what they meant and they only went so far.”

“So we’ve all probably made her scared of people, and she probably is far less interactive with the world around her because of that?” asks a lesbian perfume hater.

“Yes and that’s the darkside of it. Mr. Blue and Casi did! They saw something…but then because they chose to be somewhat evil with it things got super out of control and confused and Lacey is extremely rational and sensitive but it’s-for the last seven years in many cases it has been too much to process because people are just shocking to her at this point. And before she was interacting with them in this very shallow way, that was actually incredibly harmful to her, but she didn’t know it. And so she could just ignore it, and assume the best of people, and no one was the wiser in the world of the living.” says a witch.

“So Casi are you OK? Because something tells me Lacey actually is 100% heterosexual and I’m just worried that if you’re not that you went back into the closet thinking that you had like no social skills with women when really Lacey is just not who you thought she was. Like she actually is who she claims to be and it really is obvious…but maybe no one else saw the inconsistencies that aren’t so much about her class or her race or her mind but are really more about something else that’s frightening in a deeper way than maybe what you anticipated.” says an Australian.

Casi thinks.

“OK no fuck Casi because Lacey is the one that is suffering. OK Casi has some sham marriage potentially that she as an adult chose to have and I love that the perfume community is rallying around her?! Casi really is a narcissistic bitch! And instead of realizing that Lacey is actually the one who still having to live in a hellish existence that she can’t get out for the rest of her life-“ says Gore Vidal in a huff. “They’re trying to send love waves and compassionate thoughts to Casi?!?”

“And she’s not JFK reincarnated?” asks Bobby.

“No, of course not!” says Gore Vidal.

More later.

“Time for sleep!” says Lem. “Goodnight!”