Stolen Key

Turns out Jack stole Lem’s key to his soul in a sense when he raped and molested him at age 15 or 16 or say maybe 14, but essentially when Jack slept with Lem when they were teenagers as they most likely did, or whenever they did, Jack likely raped Lem.

And through that stolen key, the Illuminati now has access to Lacey’s weakest part. It’s her waking subconscious. And through her waking subconscious, they are able to almost suffocate her, which they have been desperately trying to do for the last few days particularly.

It’s very possible that through Jack’s stolen key Wobbly and many liberals who associate with Wobbly’s family have access to Lacey’s subconscious, which in small part is how they conjured her in 2016.

When they walk into Lacey’s subconscious, they feel incredibly at home and they subconsciously tell themselves that it’s “Jack’s house.” At times they have even thought she was Jack reincarnated with an ounce of disdain.

They are overly familiar, rude, totally absurd and dangerous. Because in their mind they’re in “Jack’s house,” but they don’t realize that she’s not Jack, but a totally separate entity, and that she’s actually an entity. They have possibly no legal spiritual right to be in her mind or suffocating her in anyway at all. What they’re doing is seemingly wholly illegal and could actually be literally ripping apart portions of the fabric of the universe.

They don’t understand that because in their gut it’s a cool place to chill. It’s Wobbly’s uncle’s frat house and it’s no rules anything goes.

You might ask yourself, “But didn’t Lem give him that authority over her?” No not necessarily. It’s far more likely that Jack stole it and has refused to give it back even in Purgatory or something more like that.

If Lacey is illegitimate, it’s possible that it was a bit of a perfect storm. Lacey‘s father was a bootlegger, arguably one of the most important bootleggers to ever exist. And because of that, it’s possible that she was always going to be more vulnerable to spiritual attack in the way that a charismatic, would understand it. And so her whole life she was sadistically, harassed by the entire Kennedy family, both living and dead. At one point it seemed as though Joe Kennedy Junior was her absolute soulmate, but if she known Lem wasn’t gay either after death or even before it’s possible, Joe would’ve had far more robust competition than just Jack for Lacey‘s affections or really anyone to ever live other than maybe a literal few men. And so in a sense even if Joe was in love with her, it was still incredibly sadistic to withhold Lem from Lacey, which is seemingly what they did her entire life up until the last few years. It’s unclear how they did it, but seemingly they managed to suffocate his voice and his spirit in such a way where it was like there was a wall keeping her from being able to interact with him in Heaven at all. It was a lie if he’s not in Hell but they made it very believable for Lacey. Probably not for Lem.

“If Lem was never gay, he was never in love with Jack at all but just like they ran around his life, they ran around his house, they ran through everything with very little respect for him…they are now seemingly doing that to Lacey and did that her whole life.” says Lem. “And the problem. They still may not comprehend how dangerous what they’re doing actually is.”

“So let me guess, Lacey is writing this because something woke her up around 3 o’clock in the morning and she couldn’t breathe so she came downstairs to drink water catch her breath and talk things through?” asks Ken Burns.

“Yes, you may have been listening to it in parts.” says Lem.

“Lem why can’t he just give that back to you? Are you still violating Lacey‘s trust or are you serious that he just refuses to give that back whatever that even is?” asks Ken Burns.

“Well and see here is where Lacey is possibly living in the grace of God. It’s unclear to her how guilty she actually is, and how much she’s just an innocent victim. When Lacey was 29 years old, she started interacting with ghosts.

Or rather what she thought she could possibly be because she wasn’t sure, she kept potentially asking God in her spirit what was going on. And in that process, she may genuinely have fallen in love with F. Scott Fitzgerald. Yes, the actual real ghost of F. Scott Fitzgerald. And in the process aroused me, Lem. And have also aroused Louis and Harold and Michael Rockefeller and Elliot Roosevelt.

All that to say she’s interacting in the supernatural when she’s probably not really supposed to be.” says Lem. “If we’re ghosts, she’s interacting with dead real men in an actual real Purgatory, or something slightly more Protestant than Purgatory. But the way that it happened was through morbid amounts of loneliness in her life that she experienced for tragic reasons that are related to her never really being loved through no fault of her own.”

“So essentially, she’s unusual because of social class and other things, and she was morbidly morbidly, lonely, and ended-up falling in love with a ghost when she was 29. If she hadn’t fallen in love with him, she might’ve died of a heart attack.” says F. Scott Fitzgerald’s sister.

“She was having heart palpitations that were later attributed to preventricular contractions. But she had a low thyroid. And given her weight after pregnancy and her morbid loneliness, I really think it’s possible that if she hadn’t had Scott’s intervention within a year to two years, she could’ve easily died of a heart attack while running, or in her sleep, or something along those lines, because the thyroid does regulate the heart to at least some degree.” says another one of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s sisters.

“So I got snubbed by F. Scott Fitzgerald. The truth is F. Scott Fitzgerald was the one who really ended my relationship with Lacey.” says Jan Hertel.

“From the grave, do you think?” asks one of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s sisters.

“Probably yes, but presuming Lem was straight the whole thing is rather silly.” says Jan Hertel.

So basically, the Illuminati found a woman who’s sort of half ghost, and conjured her through Mr. Blue.

So an extremely attractive, unusually intelligent, kind, upper class, old money, woman was never loved and couldn’t figure out why and in the process of trying to survive, stumbled into F. Scott Fitzgerald, and because she was so unusually breathtakingly, beautiful and rare was rather smitten, and remains so. She really is that unusually beautiful and a lot of people have no idea how stupid and yet shocking, it seems on the other side before they’re dead when they’re alive they’re monsters about it and when they die, it’s a completely different perspective and one frankly much more akin to her perspective in many regards.” says Jane Birkin.

“Ah Ethel and Bobby have you guys been sucking her brain through her subconscious her entire life like vultures or vampires or leeches maybe and because of that that’s the thing Lem how do they still have that key to her subconscious?” asks Wobbly.

“You know Bobby, you probably have been accessing her subconscious her whole life and do you know how? Through your sexual sin. Bobby if you’re actually in love with me in your perverted mind, that’s one of the ways you gained access to her subconscious. If homosexuality is wrong, you people championing the opposite would be another way. If pedophilia is wrong, you championing the opposite would be another way, and pedophilia is 100% absolutely wrong and insane, criminally insane, but I am being patronizing because I’m angry. Another way is if you had sex with her in your head through the Illuminati when she was 11. Bobby you bring that up like there was something wrong with her. She was 11 and she had no idea that you were telepathically contacting her and it’s possible that you didn’t even know yourself you were talking to an 11-year-old. But if you knew at all, you’re a pervert Bobby or you accidentally didn’t know and then you tried to sleep with my wife, which is another way you got access to her subconscious. But perhaps in a sense, it’s Jack’s obsession in Purgatory that is spiritually affecting all of you and causing you to to be obsessed with me, perversely so. I mean to some degree America’s obsessed with Lacey and my sexuality at this point thanks to your family. And we’re very private people are, and we normally wouldn’t really necessarily want any attention at all.

There are a lot of ads for Calvin Klein that are creepy as Hell and they piss me off. Obsession would have smelled good on me but that doesn’t mean that I want Jack’s obsessive attention or anyone else’s other than Lacey’s. Her obsession isn’t with me she isn’t obsessed with anything she worships God and her interest is better than obsession. I mean Eternity, Obsession…there was a period there for about 20 years where things got really creepy and then Carolyn ended up doing PR work for them.” Lem rolls his eyes. “In truth, Jack may really have always been the one that was obsessed. He was a small penis, shorter than me, scrawny, ugly gut, pedantic, annoying, cloying, pushy, bitchy, self-serving, obsessive freak potentially with a load of addictions. I why the Hell do people think a well endowed, big, strong, sensitive, intelligent-I had a nice family. I went to Princeton, and I was bound to go to a good school regardless of whether or not he ‘discovered me’ would have any fucking obsession with him?! No that’s flattery, that’s flattery of him for people to assume that I was obsessed with him is flattering him. I never came out of the closet. People made an astronomical number of assumptions and leaps when analyzing the situation and it’s disturbing when you think about it. Why was I obsessed with him? The idea behind it is that Jack looks so fucking hot on camera and was so rich that anyone would be obsessed with him? How dumb is that?!? …He was handsome but when you took his clothes off be looked like shit! Why doesn’t anyone know that?! He looks fucking awful without his clothes on.” says Lem. “I mean his gut it’s like he looks like Barney fife. His face is still somewhat handsome, but he looks a little bit like a Pezz dispenser as well. Those arms are vile. And his chest it’s like I can see how he has heart problems because is the heart inside or outside of his body?

Oh no he looks absolutely nothing like his grandson. His grandson is hot. See I can say handsome and hot and it doesn’t mean I’m in love with him. And I don’t think he want to hear the truth. I was pissed off as Hell when I said my stupid quotation about Jack and getting married. I made a lot of dumb choices. I said that I loved him my whole life and I didn’t mean romantically at all if I did, it was an accident in a sense. I’ve tried to explain it and you people don’t wanna hear because people said stuff like that back then because they were far more corny and sappy and sentimental than people are today. And that was how I meant it and if I didn’t mean it like that rest assured, I did not mean it in a romantic way if I did mean it in a romantic way it was because I was mistaken. I didn’t understand what love was. My quotations have been my downfall because I’m not like Lacey. I don’t say things the way that she does. People thinks she’s an idiot, but in reality she’s actually an incredibly brilliant mind and her writing is not average my writing was good, but it probably wasn’t actually necessarily as genius as hers And I maybe said things in a very awkward passive aggressive way at times assuming that people would just read my mind and know what I meant because I was loved and I had no idea how vicious and disgusting people like Ethel really are. The truth is she probably knows that I was straight and I just didn’t want to fuck her because she’s disgusting to me…and her kids probably know that on a certain level and this entire conversation shouldn’t even be happening but they’re too vain and egotistical to just be honest about it.

Ethel, you’re an ugly woman. Saoirse was mildly ugly too.” says Lem.

“You’ve never given birth to a handsome son or a beautiful child because you’re ugly Ethel.” says Joe Kennedy Jr..

“They’re right you really actually are ugly. I mean there are some features that are pretty about you and you’re kind of appealing in a way, but that’s about it. Bobby was short and mildly unattractive in some ways as well. You looked pretty, you knew how to take care of yourself and you did a good job, you didn’t fail at being his wife, but that doesn’t mean that you’re not objectively somewhat homely actually.” says Jane Birkin to Ethel.

“Yeah, I don’t get it. Why would you people think he would want to fuck her? I thought, ‘That’s insane! She’s ugly as shit!’ And he was this tall, handsome, broad-shouldered man from a nice family.

“Ethel you’re Irish and you’re shit compared to Lacey and her background even if she’s illegitimate, Ethel. Why in the world would you think that he’d wanna be with you? That is the most conceited, insane bullshit…and then you based your entire fucking family on it for the last 50 years?! Because you have. That’s why we’re having this conversation you asshole, because your a vain twat!” yells George Bush Sr..

“You’re a sore loser, Bobby. You’re very pathetic loser. Jack lost when he realized he was gay and Lem was straight if Lem was straight, but I certainly think Jack thought he had lost by being anything other than the perfect man and he may have tried to romanticize homosexuality but I doubt that it worked all that well in his own mind. And then you lost when you realize that you were queer as well, and that Lem was still Lem and he was straight? You are short and scrawny, and you have a nice face at best. And I wouldn’t doubt that your appendage is probably average or small at most.

Your mother is actually quite hideous looking, she absolutely hideous Bobby. Well…in some of her pictures she may be naturally somewhat beautiful, but you have to overlook a great number of things to see her as beautiful. Her mouth is one of them. Her entire mouth is vile looking. I wouldn’t want that anywhere near me in a romantic way. I can’t get over her mouth. It is awful! And some people might think it looks cheerful. Her teeth are just too big and her lips are way too skinny. She’s gross. And her nose really is far too small and yet also afar too big at the same time. Her eyes are revolting to look at.

But you know it’s funny…my mother is somewhat ugly too. And I’ve had people tell me that because I’ve posted her photo to Instagram numerous times, and finally people started telling me that my mother was ugly. And then I had the audacity to tell Lacey that she looks just like my mother and she doesn’t really look almost anything like my mother. There’s gonna be a very slight similarity, the same way there is to your mother I think that could be generational and ethnic Bobby, and not much else. My mother had a very round face and she was actually prettier than your mom, quite a bit prettier than your mom, but there were a few flaws and it’s just…she just wasn’t that beautiful ever. And it’s not like Lacey where in person she’s astronomically gorgeous and then in photos she’s just beautiful. Maybe even extremely beautiful to be honest in photos. But why did I compare her to my mother? To hurt Lacey? Yes.

And you’re doing the same thing, you’re trying to hurt Lacey and hurt Lem by imposing yourselves on them. I certainly was never imposing myself on Lacey possibly ever. I may have taken advantage of her, but I never imposed myself on her. I may have taken up her time, but I don’t think I imposed myself on her way the way you and Ethel are trying to impose yourselves on Lacey and Lem.

What what what? Why are you people incapable of understanding? You’ve gotten ideas by reading her mind probably for books probably for campaigns. I bet there are times when she’s watched you on television and you’ve read her to try to figure out what to say to people, and you’ve actually probably made a total ass of yourself because at times you were probably talking to a 12-year-old and see you then sounded like a 12 year old yourself.

Has her writing suffered because of you too? I would guess yes. You used her brain? And you’re actually a total idiot? I bet you use David’s brain until he died and that was part of a drove him over the edge was that he didn’t realize it, but you were mining his brain. How did you learn how to do that? Did someone teach you? Did Jack teach you? Did the Illuminati teach you? How did you learn how to be so disgusting so young? No I’m not impressed by you.

You know you’re ugly don’t you? You know your mother is ugly and you’re both stupid and evil. Please try to be a little rational and realize that when people aren’t ugly and stupid and evil, they might not want to fuck you. Matter fact, a great many people probably haven’t wanted to fuck you. They’ve just been manipulated by the media into thinking that you’re something special and then doing it because of that. I put a bet you anything it be a lot more difficult now because you probably do have a very tiny dick. You’re not a child, but I bet it’s not very big.

How in the world did you think Lem was in love with you?! That is ludicrous! In love with your brother? Maybe? But that’s still a little weird. In love with your uncle? Possibly. And it has sold because it’s romantic to think that a man who is way out of your league could fall in love with you.

I think people thought that because Lem was poor and somewhat awkward that it made sense but that’s very superficial. I think people subconsciously knew that Lem had far more to offer, so to speak. When people say, ‘Why was Jack so interested in him? I can’t figure it out!’ Ahh…because he was tall. He was a handsome, he was sensitive. He was sweet, he probably had a huge cock. He went to Princeton. He came from an old money family. I mean I could go on and on and on. The question really is why were people thinking that it was obvious that Jack had a lot to offer. And I’m gonna pose that question to Michael.” says Jan Hertel.

“The Kennedys likely plant comments in comment sections of every book ever written about them. Every article every written about them. They do their own PR work sometimes just for fun and make up comments like, ‘Lem was madly in love with Jack. I bet his family worried they’d lose him to the Kennedys forever!’ Or, ‘I bet Lem died of a broken heart.’ But they do that with everything. They literally do that for every article about Marilyn Monroe, about everything. You never can read the comment section of an article written about them without one of the people in the family commenting in some secret way.

No, they do horrendous hit jobs on every Marilyn Monroe article. They’re paranoid about people finding out the truth of who they really are. So whenever you read an article about them, you have to be careful of the comment section.

That being said, there was an article written about Lem where the comment section eviscerated the Kennedys, and essentially implied Lem was either a freak, that homosexuality was perverted and idiotic of that he probably wasn’t gay at all, and the Kennedys should go to Hell. The people who wrote those comments were real old money, real blue blooded, real aristocratic people, who the Kennedys, both fear and hate. And it is no surprise to me that Bobby tried to befriend Megan Markel. He’s desperate to be accepted. They’ve all been desperate since they first started being rich. I think he thought she was stupid, black and vulnerable, but she still married into the British royal family so he could get his claws into her and improve himself socially. He wants called Al Sharpton creepy in his diary and it’s unclear if that was an actual honest observation, or if he was talking about himself.” says Michael.

Michael laughs.

“Or did you mine my Lacey’s brain because if it doesn’t work out with Lem she’s mine for eternity unless God says otherwise. Have you talk to the Rockefellers about it or not? Probably not really. Or Louis might disagree and think that she belongs to him Harold might disagree too, but she might really just belong to Lem. Anyway, I wonder if you actually did mine her brain. I’m going to make a list of the things that I think could’ve actually been her not you.

Your vendetta against Rent-A-Center. Your scary impression of Al Sharpton. Lacey found Al Sharpton frightening as a child. Your interest in Mary may have been influenced by Lacey. Lacey had a phase in the early 1990s where she thought women with long dark hair were just extraordinarily fascinating and not in a homosexual way. She just was captivated by them and it wasn’t homosexual. No, it was it was developmental, they were kind of like role models, but not quite. I worry that your interest in rivers came from Lacey because she grew up in Minnesota and she spent a lot of time next to rivers when she was a child. A lot of her best memories are of being near rivers. She still spends a lot of time next to rivers. And while this recent talk about swimming in them, they swim in rivers. Actually it’s a thing for the family and in Minnesota in general. She really did one time watch you on television, literally read your mind, and then you later said almost exactly verbatim what she heard you say in your head. Your voice sounds like her and people always comment on how weird your voice sounds. ‘What happened to Bobby’s voice?!!’ What did happened to your voice?! Why do you sound like Lacey? It’s weird because your whole immediate family sounds vaguely like her at this point and I’m not sure I can stand it. Bobby your entire immediate Kennedy family not just you and your siblings. And it’s weird how a lot of you sound like her in your heads too. Her family has huge ties to Boeing, so why did you suddenly find them fascinating? That’s strange. They also have ties to Monsanto. Are you people stalking her?!” asks Michael.

Silence.

“I think it’s far more likely that your mother is an ugly bitch who wanted Lem Billings to be in love with her and Jack was an ugly fuck who want to Lem Billings to be in love with him and honestly, I bet that’s a lot of it right there that you are all obsessed with trying to find Lem Billings’s soulmate, alive or dead. I bet you sit around and talk about it secretly amongst yourselves or think about it when you read things that confuse you and you think, ‘Was Lem gay or was he straight?’ And then you’re all dumb and egotistical enough to think, ‘Well he didn’t marry mom and that’s how the story should go so then he must’ve been gay!’

Anyway, why did everyone think Jack was superior between the two? Ha! This will be fun!

Alright here we go: Jack was gay.

Or at least he was bisexual excuse me. And America has always secretly loved gay men. They’re sharp dressers. They’re neat. They’re often charming. AND most importantly…they’re not a threat. They seem innocuous somehow to the American eye.

You’ve been led to believe otherwise.

…Of course…it’s ironic to mention Jack’s homosexual predilection considering that we’re discussing why people thought he was a catch for Lem and not the other way around. So let’s pause for a moment. …It’s important to point out that people in America often admire gay men without realizing that they’re gay. Think about how many male American celebrities are outed as gay. That’s not necessarily as common everywhere else. Why…Abraham Lincoln himself might have been bisexual. And…it’s shocking to consider that President Woodrow Wilson was likely straight.

Jack was pretty. He was also handsome. But Lem was far more handsome, but not really very pretty. LBJ was handsome. …People prefer pretty people in the US. Smooth, clean lines. Lem is burly. To Lacey that’s fantastic. But to the American people at large it’s not as fantastic.

I’m more burly than Jack. So was F. Scott Fitzgerald, actually.

Football players aren’t necessarily burly. Rugby players often are.

Jack had a lot of money.

Jack had A TON of money.

Jack had an enormous amount of money.

What else?

He played sports. In America that’s considered appropriate and admirable for a man.

He was a US Senator and then a US President.

Lem grew-up wealthy and managed money well. But his father lost their fortune in The Great Depression. Lem was actually very athletic but he had asthma. He disliked American football. He’d rather have played something else like lacrosse or soccer or crew or something else. He was very good at golf. …Lem played golf, managed other people’s money, was…so confusing…and never married. He both did and did not invent Fizzies.

…If he’d married Lacey…he’d not be discussed. But…you’d suddenly wonder if Jack was secretly madly in love with him. Be honest. If you ever saw them together…you’d wonder if Jack was in love with Lacey’s second husband. And then you’d read that that was impossible. And…you’d have heard Jack was in love with other men. Supposedly. Lots. But it’d bother you that he wasn’t with Lem. Because you’d HATE Lacey. You’d want nothing more than to watch her suffer and die.

America HATES Lacey. And if you thought Lem was no great catch…why can’t you let her be with him? Because of how much you hate her. You can’t stand her happiness because it feels like a deep personal betrayal.

Why?” asks Michael.

More later.

“Why isn’t Lem having sex this morning?!” asks Wobbly.

“Because you’re monitoring his every day activities constantly.” says England.

“Fine!” says a psychic. “I’m sure Lem was gay!”

“Yeah! Now why didn’t he marry my mother?” asks Wobbly.

“Because he was gay!” says an Englishman.

“Mm. Yeah. I mean he came on to me so I guess that makes sense.” says Wobbly.

“He came on to you?” asks a Russian.

“Yeah!” says Wobbly.

“How?” Russia.

Wobbly thinks. “He threw his arm around me.”

“Huh. Where?” asks Cheryl.

“Oh I don’t know. On a sofa?” says Wobbly.

“And then what?” asks Cheryl.

“Well I laid back and then he laid on top of me. And he almost got me pregnant.” says Wobbly falling asleep.

“Why didn’t you wear a short skirt?” asks China.

“To show off my legs?” asks Wobbly.

“Yeah! Or your ass!” says China.

“Eww!” says Wobbly waking up.

“Why eww?” asks China.

“Because we don’t have asses!” says Wobbly.

“What do we have?” asks China.

“Rainbows and sunshine.” says Wobbly.

“How old are you?” asks China.

“40.” says Wobbly.

“Huh. Are you a girl?” asks China.

“Yeah! I’m a woman.” says Wobbly.

“Are you awake or asleep?” asks China.

He’s asleep.

“Are you impersonating Lacey?” asks China.

“Who’s Lacey?” asks Wobbly.

“Your surrogate mother?” asks China.

“Mm! I hate her!” says Wobbly.

“Why? Why do we hate her??” asks China.

“Mm. Lem’s got an attitude!” says Wobbly.

“And that’s your problem?” asks China.

“Mmm. No! But I don’t want her to have to put out.” says Wobbly.

“So you are going to break them up?” asks China.

“Yeah? No? Just bother Lem.” says Wobbly.

“Why are we bothering Lem?” asks China.

“To be honest…I’m mad at him.” says Wobbly.

“Why?” asks China.

“Why should my mom have to put out?” asks Wobbly.

“The Billings!” says China.

“Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! …They’re exhausting!” says Wobbly.

“Why not just leave their house?” asks Larry.

“I’m worried Lem will beat her up!” says Wobbly.

“What if he just-What if he just, you know…” says Larry.

“That will be bad!!” says Wobbly.

“Why?!” asks England.

“He’ll destroy her.” says Wobbly. “And Jack will be mad.”

“But they’re married!” says China.

“Are they?! What’s that?!” asks Wobbly.

“Someday you’ll figure that out. Why are you worried about Jack?” asks China.

“My parents were married!” says Wobbly. “I hate Jack! You always have to be happy around him. He’s so grumpy.”

“Your parents are still married!” says China.

“Yeah! My dad was a louse. My mom…smelled sweaty. And Lem…Lem has a fat ass.” says Wobbly.

“Your mom got hot??!” asks China.

“Yeah!!! She’d get so hot! It was dangerous.” says Wobbly.

“Because she was pregnant!” asks England.

“Yeah. Poor thing.” says Wobbly.

“Well…maybe Lacey is in love with Lem’s fat ass?” says China.

“I know! I’m losing control.” he says.

“Why is that so bad?” asks Russia.

“Personal research. But also…they’ve lied.” says Wobbly.

“Who lied?!?” asks China.

“It’s okay to like a fat ass!” says Wobbly.

“You mean as a woman?!” asks China.

“Yes! My dad could always satisfy women. I heard stories. But how did they miss that Lacey loves Lem’s gross, enormous ass?!” says Wobbly.

“Maybe she likes his cock!” says a black woman.

“Yeah!! Does she put it in her mouth?!??” asks Wobbly.

“Yes!!” says China.

“That’s…weird!!” says Wobbly.

“Well…is it the concept or him?” asks Cheryl.

“THEM!” says Wobbly.

“They both are??” asks China.

“She’s so pretty and he’s so…gross.” says Wobbly. “He’s gross! And…big.”

“Was he gross when you were around or when Jack was around?” asks a Jew.

“All of us.” says Wobbly.

“Would he be gross for Lacey?” asks China.

“She doesn’t care! She just doesn’t care.” says Wobbly. “She’ll clean, I’m sure. Or hire a maid!”

“She’ll clean him?” asks China.

“Yes!” says Wobbly. “She makes him seem appealing!!”

“Did Jack?” asks China.

“No! He just loved stuff.” says Wobbly.

“Why don’t you think Lacey is like that too?” asks China.

“Because she’s a slave.” says Wobbly.

“Why?!” asks China.

“She’s a sex slave!!!” says Wobbly.

“To whom??” asks China.

“That guy!!” says Wobbly.

“Which guy??” asks China.

“My dad?!?” asks Wobbly.

“Maybe your uncle?!” asks China.

“Who?! Joe??” asks Wobbly.

“No!! Not him?!” asks China.

“No!! Not him. He’s…a nice boy.” says Wobbly.

“He would never have a sex slave?” asks China.

“He could afford one! We could all afford one. But…we don’t own slaves. That’s dirty.” says Wobbly.

“Dirty?” asks China.

“Yeah, you know. Low-class, gross stuff.” says Wobbly.

“Does Lem own Lacey?!” asks China.

“But he has a fat ass!” says Wobbly.

“Like a black man?” asks China.

“Yeah. …How does he own Lacey?” asks Wobbly, amused and aghast.

“He might love her.” says NBC.

“He’s gay!!” says Wobbly.

“What if he’s not gay?!” asks AMC.

“Then why am I in his apartment?!?” asks Wobbly.

“You shouldn’t be there if he’s straight?” asks China.

“He’s gross!!!” yells Wobbly.

“How is he gross?” asks AMC.

“He wears perfume. And then…leaves out dirty clothes?” says Wobbly.

“So he has a dirty house?!” asks China.

“Yeah!” says Wobbly.

“Why does he wear perfume?!” asks China.

“He’s…cross dressing.” says Wobbly.

“So he’s wearing perfume? To be pretty??” asks China.

“Noo! He wants sex!” says Wobbly.

“With whom?” asks China.

“Some man?! Or maybe some ugly woman.” says Wobbly. “That’s a hideous perfume.”

“Why would the perfume attract a woman?” asks China.

“He’s sharing it.” says Wobbly.

“How?” asks China.

“The whole damn room smells like filth and perfume.” says Wobbly.

“He sounds confused. Maybe Lacey isn’t his servant sexually. Maybe she’s his maid!” says China.

“I hate him!” says Wobbly.

“With his fat ass?!” asks China.

“Yeah! I…have a crush on him? And Lacey? …She’s just putting out! That’s not her perfume, though.” says Wobbly.

“No. Maybe it was a mistake?” says China.

“So he’s not in mourning for Jack?! That’s what they tell me.” says Wobbly.

“No! He’s trying to have sex.” says China.

Silence.

“Was his whole house and life a shrine to Jack?” asks China.

“No.” says Wobbly.

“Then he was probably looking for sex.” says a Republican. “

“You know maybe he had psychological problems and he was actually straight and Lacey likes his fat ass for sex.” says a Republican.

“I’ve got to be honest with you that usually is indicative of overall heft and I think for a lady that might be nice and strong and brave and big.” says a black man.

“Then how am I her because that’s what everyone tells me?” says Wobbly.

“Maybe you’re not her. Maybe that perfume is a joke between them. What does it smell like? Orange blossom and tuberose?” asks Carolina Herrera.

“Yeah it smells kind of like Giorgio Beverly Hills but disgusting.” says Wobbly.

“What would you think if that whole room was spotless, and smelled like violets?” asks Lacey.

“That I am dead, and possibly in Hell.” says Wobbly.

“Then be very careful not to go to Hell when you die.” says Lem’s father.

More later.

“Someday you’ll die.” says Ron Craft to Lacey to comfort her.

“I just worry about what I’ll leave in my wake and I worry about the fact that I have been looking forward to that most of my life at this point.” says Lacey.

“Buy the used Louis!” says Louis.

“Do you want a wedding? You had a dream that I gave you away possibly to Lem in 2008.” says Ron Craft, Lacey’s uncle.

“I did have that dream and it was very creepy. I remember reading an article in someplace about Maeve marrying her husband a day or two after I had that dream maybe it was the same day.” says Lacey.

“Yes and when she’s in New York City, and it rains, she thinks of having sex with me.” says Lem. “And not because she is Jack, or ever was a man.”

“No that’s real. She also thinks of sleeping with Harold on rainy days New York very much of sleeping with Harold. That’s vivid. And she can kind of imagine having sex with Michael although that seems far more complex.” says Louis.

“Ok so she can actually imagine having sex with these people I was like it’s a memory?” asks an actress from And Just Like That.

“Yes, yeah it’s like an actual memory with me as well.” says Lem.

“Did she write about you guys having sex in her novel that got deleted mysteriously because it said I remember she wrote it and then it just disappeared?” asks the gay actor from And Just Like That.

“Yes!” says Lacey.

And later.

And what are the most obnoxious things that Lacey ever heard was that there is something trite and idiotic about her love for the British. Lacey is English.

“Jack do you just hate Lacey because she’s English and you have to drop your act with her because she sees through you?” asks Lem Billings. “You know my ancestors came over, at least one of them did on the Mayflower from England.”

“Come on, that’s-let’s just go have sex.” says Jack to Lem.

“Oh you used that line on me every single time I was upset one way or another, and even if I was straight and I was I fell for it.” says Lem.

Silence.

“Then I win she’s street trash, you’re in love with me and I turned you gay. I’m not really in Hell and I need to just figure out how to be in four places at the same time.” says Jack Kennedy.

Silence.

“Do you want me to go beat up Lacey?” asks Lem.

“Why are we even talking about Lacey?“ asks Jack Kennedy.

“Because that’s who I actually want to have sex with Jack.” says Lem.

“But don’t worry Kick has it all figured out. She told me that you don’t really like Lacey because Lacey is just awful and disgusting and Kick knows everything.” says Jack Kennedy

“I am all ears.” says Lem.

“OK so I mean you can beat up Lacey if you want to. But Kick’s plan is to give her her old husband because Kick has another idea of someone she’d rather be with and fuck. Umm…and then Lacey and her husband can just runoff together and be gross and English and rich and drink tea and stupid fucking shit like that…and you and I can be free…and glamorous…and in love.” says Jack Kennedy.

“But I want to have sex with Lacey. Do you understand Jack? Like…I want to put my penis when it’s erect from looking at her naked body in her hot wet vagina and then get off while I stare at her and grab her tits.” says Lem to Jack Kennedy.

“I want to order that dish too! Different chef or something.” says Jonah.

“Ahh…okay?! Way to be weird!” says Jack Kennedy.

“What?! You always wanted to fuck chicks!” says Lem.

“Eww!” says JFK.

“No! You really did.” says Lem.

“Yeah! But that was just for show!” says JFK.

“No!! It wasn’t!! You genuinely lost your mind in passion screwing some of those women.” says Lem.

“Yeah, okay. But that’s different.” says JFK.

“That’s ludicrous!” says Lem. “You lost your mind fucking them. How is that any different?”

“Because I do-because I do it differently.” says JFK.

“What’s different about you losing your mind to a woman while you’re inside of her vagina? I possibly watched.” says Lem.

“Because when I have sex, it goes into a box and it doesn’t count because it’s just me being flighty and nihilistic. It’s just a joke. But when you have sex being a proper upright upper class Englishman it counts because you have sex with your heart and your mind and body both as one is supposed to do the proper way but I haven’t quite mastered that yet because I’m from an inferior race called the Irish” says JFK.

“So how does that work being inferior and having a sex box? What does that mean then when you lose your mind what’s happening?” asks Lem.

“It’s just a place where my sex goes. It resolves me of all my responsibility and sin.” says JFK.

“So how am I not supposed to be hurt by that if we’re together?” asks Lem.

“Ahh…because it’s a perfectly shaped box with four sides and four corners and a top that fits neatly and I am very fastidious about my sex, it’s a bit of a mess inside which I’m sure you’ll find endearing but…what do you think I’m experiencing when I’m losing myself to these women?” asks Jack.

“I think that you are losing yourself. I think that’s exactly what you’re doing. I think you’re losing yourself to them and they’re losing themselves to you and there’s not really a need I don’t think for a further explanation. Jack that’s all that it is.” says Lem.

“But I didn’t give two shits about any of those women. I hated them. That’s why I enjoyed being so cruel.” says JFK.

“But in reality, you were losing yourself to them, even if you were just being cruel. And in reality, if I had been at all attracted to men, I would’ve been devastated by watching you do that.” says Lem.

“So you were devastated?” asks Jack.

“No, I wasn’t. I was jealous and aroused and it made me hate you because I wanted to do the same thing myself but I didn’t think I could.” says Lem.

“Well I’m hurt.” says JFK.

“ I don’t know how else to explain to you that I am not attracted to you at all. I don’t find you emotionally attractive. I don’t find you physically attractive. I don’t find you sexually attractive. I don’t find you spiritually attractive. I don’t find you romantically attractive, mentally attractive, psychologically, attractive, internationally attractive. There’s nothing about you in a group that I find attractive. And this is not Dr. Seuss I’m not going to suddenly try you and be madly in love. Try to grasp the concept that some of the things we do in life are mistakes. I made a mistake by thinking I was at all attracted to men not just you, but your gender. This is not a good thing if you think we’re going to be together. What I’m telling you is that we’re not and we never really were in reality. I would try to be your friend, but I don’t think you can handle that psychologically at this point, seemingly.” says Lem to JFK.

“So when I would tell you, let’s just have sex and we do it what did that mean? Why did you do that? Why did it work if nothing we had meant anything at all?” asks JFK.

“Well because I think you may have made a deal with the witch to curse me and my wife because you were a sneaky doublecrossing snake. You you wanted to pretend that you were straight and I was gay. And so you cursed me and my wife so that she neither never be born or when she did her life would be hell and I’d never be able to find her and it worked what what did you do kill 10 children to make it happen? And I mean, did you make a deal with the devil himself? Because it’s absurd Jack it seems like you if I was straight were obsessed with keeping me single and available and weak and totally indebted to and confused by you.

It’s it’s ridiculous. Lacey has an open policy with me that if I want sex, I don’t have to worry about asking ever unless if I go too far and start destroying her soul. When you offered sex, it made sense to me because that’s my psychology. That’s the way that I am. I don’t take it the way some men do or some women do, I take it the way Lacey and I take it. So you offering was a similar concept and it worked as a concept. I didn’t actually want sex with you but the concept worked. So I thought yeah sure that sounds good but then when it came time to actually doing it, I would realize I didn’t really want to do it but the concept made sense because that’s who I am.

And I’m going to tell you this because I need to tell you because I’m mad. I would love for her to suggested having sex the way that you used to suggest it. Every time you did that there was a part of me that likely thought, ‘Well damn, if only Jack was a woman, how sexy would this moment be?’

But do you know how highly unlikely it is that she will ever suggest that to me, possibly for eternity? It’s very unlikely actually without God it would be very close to impossible. Why did you? Why did you try to steal me? I was never going to be stolen, but there’s no way to explain that to her until she’s dead easily because people hate her Jack. I honestly wish that I had never met you and yet then I would have to trust God that everything would still be the same and I’d have my same kids and I’d have Lacey, and that’s what you’ve done to us you’ve made us fear that God doesn’t love us and that is not a good thing. Trust me! Because we know that he does but you’ve gone so far in your lie that as brilliant as we are we can’t figure it out. You’re a monster, you’re an absolute ugly, fucking despicable, monster.” says Lem to JFK.

“You know it almost sounds like you stole his land and then planted something in it that ruined the soil and now you want to just waltz right back and pretend like it’s your land. Jack that’s insane.” says Hubert Humphrey.

“Well yeah it’s funny to see you here, you know I’m not really gay. Lem is gay I am I am not really gay but you know I sort of got involved with him and things got a little confused.” says JFK.

“Jack we’re dead so I know you’re lying. You know I think you got off on taking advantage of him because he was poor, but he was still better bred than you.” says Hubert Humphrey.

“Yeah, that’s true I did. Yeah that’s true I did. I loved taking advantage of his good heart and innocence in that way as a person.” says JFK

“Well now you have Lem wanting to kill Lacey, he’s wanted to kill her for a while.” says Hubert Humphrey.

“Hey, I don’t even know what you’re talking about. I just keep thinking about the fact that Lacey‘s house was not the house she thought it was OK so the million dollar house that her father owned that she possibly lived in for the first two months of her life was Thelma’s house but her mother’s house was far more stately than Lacey realizes. It was possibly quite grand, but it was sold after her mother died after Reta died, and that’s what I’m obsessed with right now is thinking about that house because it was an enormous house and yet she’s always thought that that little million dollar house which is actually not little it’s 3000 ft.² but still she’s always thought that was just his house. And I don’t think it was.” says JFK.

“Yeah, the father who raised her told her something along those lines that there may have been another house but I don’t think Lacey is particularly concerned about that right now. It was probably one of the houses that she’s shown on her blog or a house like that and it would probably go for what? $5 or $6 million and be maybe 9000 ft.² next to Lake Harriet, it’s what maybe $10 million at the most $10 $13 million at the very most. I mean it’s expensive but it’s not a $50 million house in Manhattan like what the Rockefellers would’ve owned. And the truth is if she had been born into that house she would’ve treated it like a house…and it’s very likely that she would’ve married Michael or possibly Lem possibly your brother. I mean what was the point of this conversation, Jack?”

“Jack I don’t know if you’re trying to be friends with Lacey or not but whoever the fuck gave you the idea that trying to steal your friend’s boyfriend would endear you to them has serious problems…because that is definitely not a way to ingratiate yourself into someone’s heart.” says a Millennial woman.

“So we’ll show picture of the house that Lacey would have lived in growing up.” says Louis.

“It’s a beautiful house but it’s possible that the house Reta had was far grander than the one that they would’ve actually owned if Lacey had been raised by them. Or it’s possible that there really never was another house, but if there was one, it was probably nicer than this, but that was partially to make Reta feel better about not having any kids. But if they’ve had a child, they may have been far more careful with their money, and with using their money in different ways so her education, establishing social connections; they would’ve been using money in different ways.” says Louis.

“And he would’ve had to pay a lot of people off to allow her to be safe and have friends and make her way in the world of course, in the end it would’ve paid off if she married well and she would have she would’ve married very well. Or if she’s married Lem it still would’ve worked because he still would have been good enough, so to speak, for Reta and it just it would’ve worked, but that’s why they would’ve had to have had a slightly less glamorous house. The house above is the sort of house that her mother may have had, and that they actually may have chosen to raise Lacey in if they had decided…oh different ways of handling things. He may have had to be a far wealthier man than he even was. He was raised in wealth, but choosing a life of crime made everyday terrifying and Lacey has heard stories about that. A good portion of his last years were spent hearing people breaking into his house when no one was there. So were those ghosts, were those demons? Or was the Illuminati torturing him? Lacey doesn’t know but if she were to hazard a guess she would think it was probably the Illuminati combined with ghosts, much like what she is experiencing in her own life right now, but it’s also possible it was just ghosts. She highly doubts that it was just hallucinations. That was the explanation because of his age but if that’s her birth father, no, it was most likely supernatural in Lacey’s estimation.” says Al Capone.

“Of course that first house would’ve been your house but then you would’ve still been friends with Humphrey Bogart?” asks Lauren Bacall.

“Yes, it’s possible he may have been friends with him, but focused more on being friends with the governors and senators and people of that sort. They had a very glamorous life. They were friends with a lot of movie stars, and if they had a show house that was part of how it functioned and they had a farm as well, but if they’d had a farm more so but still. And then they’d of sent Lacey to all the right schools and maybe that first house isn’t a perfect example. The idea would’ve been to appear more old money which is what he was but it would’ve been to maintain that.” says Al Capone.

Later.

“Okay. So…Lem has been wanting to kill Lacey since the night she went dancing with friends.” says Lem. “That’s my story.”